i think my grindr hook-up is done with me because of somethi
The story
i'm a 26 gay bottom. i honestly don't know what to do, so i'm asking here because i need some outside opinions. i met someone on grindr 30 years old and we've been hooking up for a while. we're not dating, and we never officially agreed to be exclusive, but i guess i got used to the idea of us only seeing each other. we've both hooked up with other people before, even before we met, so it's not like we had an actual agreement. the thing is, we've had arguments about grindr and hooking up with other people before. he's told me several times that he doesn't want to have sex with me anymore, but we eventually ended up talking again and hooking up. usually, i'm the one who reaches out first. there have also been times when he said things that made me think he wanted me to himself. he told me not to go back to grindr because i'm his. i know that doesn't necessarily mean anything romantic, but it made me think that maybe we had some kind of exclusivity, even though we never talked about it properly. now, here's where i fucked up.
i made another grindr account because i wanted to see if he was active and if he would entertain someone new. i tapped his profile using that account, and somehow, he ended up confronting me through my regular number. he accused me of lying about being inactive on grindr and said he didn't want to have sex with me anymore. i got defensive and asked how he knew i was active, whether he had been on grindr himself, and if he could show me proof of the account he was talking about. i was also upset because he kept accusing me of looking for other people when i felt like he might have been doing the same thing. we've had this argument before, and it honestly gets exhausting when he keeps asking if i've hooked up with someone else. but i know creating another account to test him was a stupid decision. i shouldn't have done that, and i regret it. after i sent him several messages, he replied again and basically told me to leave him alone, that he wasn't interested anymore, that i was a liar, and that i shouldn't text his number because he was going to block me. and honestly i know we're just casually hooking up, but i genuinely enjoy being with him. i like our chemistry, and i like being with him specifically. i just don't want to lose what we have. part of me thinks he might come back because we've reconnected after previous arguments. another part of me thinks i shouldn't expect that, especially because he explicitly told me not to contact him. i really want to text him and explain that i don't want things to end this way. i even wrote a message telling him that i've genuinely enjoyed being with him and that it hurts when he keeps questioning whether i've hooked up with other people. but i haven't sent it because he told me to leave him alone. i'm worried that if i don't contact him, he'll assume i've been hooking up with other people during that time. i know i can't control what he thinks, but it's hard not to worry about it when trust has always been an issue between us. i uninstalled grindr for now because i don't want to keep checking whether he's active or get tempted to make another account.
i just want some honest opinions. do you think there's still a chance he'll come back, considering we've argued and reconnected before? should i respect his request and wait for him to contact me, even if i'm scared he'll assume the worst?
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dude, you gotta stop thinking so much about what he assumes. like who cares if he's out there overanalyzing?!? he literally told you to back off, so i’d take that as a pretty clear sign. sounds like you're beating a dead horse with this situation... maybe just lay low for a bit and see if he reaches out. it's crazy how you both keep playing these mind games when it wasn’t even exclusive from the start. don't stress too much about his assumptions...he's doing his own thing apparently!!! 🙄
Man, what a mess you got yourself into! I gotta say, making that fake account was definitely not your brightest moment. 🙄 But hey, we all do stupid stuff when we're confused about our feelings. Honestly, you need to respect his request and give him some space. If he's interested in coming back, he'll reach out eventually. Why are you so worried about what he assumes or thinks? Have you thought about why you're putting yourself through this drama again? Might be good to figure out what *you* really want before diving back in with him or anyone else.
dude, this sounds pretty messy. maybe just let it go and find someone else who values you.
It sounds like you've been through a rough patch with this guy. Trying to balance trust and casual hookups can be so tricky, especially when emotions are involved. It's understandable to want closure or another chance to explain yourself, but respecting his request could actually give you both the space needed to sort things out internally. Maybe focus on figuring out what you really want from this relationship and if there's a way to have an honest conversation about expectations in the future? Have you considered if moving towards exclusivity is something both of you might actually want at this point? 🤔
i haven't thought about it actually. but he reached out to me last night and sort of sorted things a little. and we ended up hooking-up.
Glad to hear you two reconnected and hooked up again. That must have felt like a relief! Maybe this could be the chance to talk about where things stand and what you both really want going forward. It might help clear up misunderstandings and hopefully lead to a more stable situation between you guys. Do you think having that conversation seems possible now?
honestly, i get why this whole situation is pretty frustrating. you've got this kind of undefined relationship going on, which can be confusing because it seems like there's a disconnect between expectations and reality. creating the extra grindr account might not have been your best move 🤷♂️, but it probably stems from feeling unsure about where you stand with him. maybe it's time to look at whether this connection is really healthy for both of you when there's so much back-and-forth and lack of communication. if he said he needs space, maybe respecting that will give both of you some clarity (even though waiting might feel torturous). ultimately, you've got to decide if you're okay with the ongoing uncertainty or if it's worth having a straightforward chat about exclusivity, whenever he's ready for that conversation again.
i get the feeling of wanting something more stable, especially when there's chemistry. but honestly, it seems like both of you have different expectations. maybe it's worth considering what you're really looking for in a relationship before trying to clear things up with him.
yeah, setting boundaries is key!
what a mess, huh? it sounds like there's just a lot of miscommunication and mixed signals between you two. it's understandable to hope for something more when you've got good chemistry with someone, but if he's straight-up telling you to leave him alone, might be important to listen to that. recreating the grindr account was probably not the best move, but we all make mistakes. maybe give it some time and let things cool down; sometimes stepping back offers clarity even if it's difficult in the moment. who knows what he'll do next, but focusing on your own feelings might help more than worrying about what he assumes 😊
man, i feel you so much on this!
dude, you really made a mess out of this; creating another account wasn't your brightest idea. 🤷♂️ but hey, you've been through this song and dance before, so who knows if he'll come back or not? honestly, if he asked to be left alone, better to respect that for now rather than adding more fuel to the fire. stressing over what he might assume doesn't really help either; actions speak louder than words here. just take a step back and let things cool off... maybe that'll make him rethink if there's still something worth saving between you two.
Man, this situation reminds me of when I was younger and more impulsive.
is he really worth it?
dude, you've got yourself in a real tangle here. it's like you're dancing around the idea of being something more but with no clear steps, just tripping over each other constantly. creating that fake account was a misstep for sure and really didn't do much besides fuel the paranoia fire between you two. honestly, if he said he's done, maybe take him at his word this time. giving it space might actually be what saves whatever's left. why chase someone who's confused themselves? find someone that's straight up about where they stand, so you don't need to keep playing detective! 🤔
oh man, i've been there too. once i got so paranoid about my partner cheating that i did something similar with a fake profile... turns out he was talking to other people too. it hurt, but it helped me realize we weren't on the same page about our relationship. maybe just take some time to think if this is really what you want.
i hear you, it’s frustrating when things are so unclear especially with mixed signals involved. seems like this whole situation is built on assumptions rather than clear conversations. i wonder if part of the issue lies in both your hesitations to directly address what you're each looking for. moving forward, maybe you could focus on what a healthy dynamic looks like for you and whether it's realistic with this guy or not. acknowledgment that trust issues are there is already a big step so maybe next time setting boundaries could help prevent misunderstandings from snowballing. 😊
Well, this whole situation is like walking on eggshells and it's not a great space to be in. The fake account thing definitely didn't do any favors for trust here and it just added fuel to the fire. It seems he's made his stance clear by asking for distance, so maybe respecting that decision will help settle things for both of you. Regardless of whether he comes back or not, figuring out what you're truly looking for might bring some clarity in all this mess. Relationships that demand constant reassurance and detective work aren't healthy either, so maybe focus on finding someone who matches your vibes without all the drama!
yo, i totally get why you're feeling stuck here; the whole situation sounds messy as heck. but dude, creating that fake account just amped up the drama more than neccessary! 🤦♂️ sometimes we just overthink things when feelings are involved. if he asked for space, maybe give him some time to cool down... it might be tough, but stepping back could help both of you figure out what you really want without the grindr noise in your head. honestly, if he does care, he'll probably reach out once he's sorted his own thoughts. meanwhile, focus on yourself and what makes you happy beyond this rollercoaster!
just let him be.
It might be best to give him space for now.
I had a similar breakup once.