whats clingy?
The story
I keep sitting here thinking, whats clingy? The person I have been dating keeps going silent for three days, then popping back up with some dumb meme like nothing happened. When I finally asked why they vanish, they said I was getting clingy. Clingy how??? Because wanting a basic reply is apparently a massive burden now!! I was not asking for a live broadcast from their pocket.
My main crime is a daily check-in text. Around 8:40 p.m. I usually send something like, "hope work wasn't awful today." If that sits unopened, I might send a meme later. One time I joked, "is your phone broken?" They brought that up as evidence against me, which feels pretty damn flimsy. I am not hammering their phone all day. It is one small message after dinner, and they can answer whenever.
They also hate that I ask to schedule dates in advance. I asked if we could pick a night before the weekend filled up because the little coffee place with the back patio gets packed. They said dating me was starting to feel like "booking appointments." Sorry I have plans and do not enjoy waiting around in sweatpants while somebody decides whether I exist. Apparently asking for an actual plan is a federal crime;
The conversation happened in their car outside my building. Their phone was face down in the cup holder while mine showed my unanswered check-in. They said, "I don't want a relationship audit every time I get busy." That was rude as hell because I had asked one direct question about the silence. They kissed my forehead afterward and said they liked me. Cute gesture, confusing behavior, zero useful answer.
The observable pattern is pretty simple. They disappear, I ask what is happening, and the word clingy suddenly appears. That definition is conveniently elastic as crap. I still go out with my friends, do my own errands, and never demand their location. Is wanting a planned date dependency??? Is noticing repeated silence dependency??? Or is this person using one loaded word to dodge baseline courtesy?
I am trying not to turn them into a villain over texting habits. People use phones differently, fine. I can work with a direct statement like, "I do not text much during busy stretches." What I cannot work with is silence followed by an accusation. Next time they resurface, I plan to say that disappearing without a quick heads-up does not work for me. Maybe they will answer plainly, and maybe this can still be decent.
The part messing with me is that they are warm in person. They remember my coffee order, laugh at my stupid stories, and reach for my hand while we walk. Then the phone goes dead and I become some irritating obligation for asking when we will meet again. I need outside opinions because their version of clingy feels awfully self-serving. So, readers: whats clingy?
