Defending My Worth: Dinner with the In-Laws
The story
My boyfriend, Luke, comes from a well-off family while I grew up under quite different circumstances, raised by my single mother in a modest trailer. Despite that, I've managed to start my own tech company and have become fairly successful. Luke, on the other hand, works as a software engineer in an entry-level position, earning far less than me. He's a real charmer though—always courteous, showering me with gifts, and insisting on picking up the bill when we dine out. His job isn't as demanding as mine, so he's also taken on most of the household chores and cooking, which doesn't seem to bother him at all.
I must say, my appearance can be a bit showy. My golden hair is usually enhanced with extensions, and my eyelashes are artificially lengthened. I've gotten a few cosmetic touch-ups, regularly use spray tans, and my wardrobe is filled with chic outfits and flashy jewelry. I've been endowed with a naturally ample bust, which might paint a typical "gold digger" picture when contrasted with my background and Luke's affluent upbringing, even though I self-fund all my glamorous modifications.
Recently, I was introduced to Luke's parents, who he described as quite conservative and traditional. He advised me to tone down my usual style and opt for a more modest look for our first meeting. Taking his advice, I chose a knee-length dress and wore only a simple necklace that Luke gifted me previously. Initially, everything seemed fine until his parents probed into my family background. Upon learning about my roots, their attitude shifted. Luke's mom, Tammy, inquired about my necklace, and when I explained that it was from Luke, his dad, Roy, remarked snidely, "Perhaps he bought your breasts too!" and erupted into laughter—a sentiment worryingly shared by Luke. Disheartened, I forced a nervous laugh.
The discussion carried on rather tensely until Luke excused himself briefly. Tammy then pulled me aside, accusing me bluntly of being a 'white trash gold digger' determined to snatch Luke's wealth. I couldn't help but laugh it off, informing her that if I were after money, Luke wouldn’t be my choice given that I am the higher earner. Confused, she demanded an explanation, so I showed her my company's website with my professional profile. Both she and Roy were taken aback. Rather than apologizing, they pulled Luke back into the discussion to chastise him for not being the main breadwinner. I decided it was time to leave.
Leaving their house, I expected Luke to appreciate my intervention, but instead, he accused me of undermining him by revealing my higher income to his parents, whom he had already described as conventional. I reminded him that they started the disrespect, even sharing in it, yet he felt I should have just tolerated their behavior. We ended up deciding to give each other some space to think things over. So, after all that, I'm left wondering: am I the asshole here?
On a side note, imagine if this debacle played out on reality TV. The public might well have been sympathetic, watching someone defend themselves against unfair judgment. Or perhaps the audience would praise me for not conforming to the misplaced gold digger label? Reality TV thrives on confrontation and unexpected revelations, after all.
I'm curious, what do people generally think?
Was I wrong for revealing my higher income?
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Points of view
Honestly, reading this story makes me feel pretty doubtful; the way Luke’s parents treated you is beyond unacceptable. It's like they’re stuck in a stereotype world 😒 I've been in a similar situation where people judged without knowing my background, and it's emotionally exhausting. You clearly hold the reigns of your own success and don't owe anyone an apology for that; showcasing your entrepreneurial accomplishments was a power move. It's quite sad that Luke didn’t back you up, though. In relationships, it's crucial to have each other's backs, especially when facing unfair judgments. You're definitely not an asshole, and I hope things get sorted out.