Frustrated
The story
I feel so frustrated. I have always wanted to go abroad and study as it would allow me some freedom and let me learn stuff by myself. However, due to some familial issues I was not able to go, don’t get me wrong I am grateful that I am even getting the opportunity to study in my home country but the issue is my parents are not letting me do anything. My older sister who went abroad for her studies in her 19s was able to learn a lot of stuff and is the “pride” of the family whereas I am the loser. I am constantly reminded about how my degree will hold no importance in the global market or how I can’t do simple stuff like going to the gym because our “culture” is different. Whenever I try to bring this up to my parents that I also want to learn something like my sister I get told I still have time, that I am not going to get married any soon???? What does this even mean? I am constantly compared with my sister ( fyi my sister is absolutely on my side and always tries to help me so none of this is her fault ), I get reminded about how my degree holds no value, about how the world will not even care about the degree I hold. I was SO excited for this new phase of my life but I feel so sucked out now, I am not even studying what I wanted but I am not showing the signs that I am upset about it. Whenever I tell my mom that sometimes I get upset that I was not able to go she tells me in a harsh way that I should be grateful but then they degrade my degree?? Funny thing is I got accepted into all the universities that I applied to ( both abroad and domestic ) yet I keep getting blamed / compared to because they could not send me.
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Points of view
It's ridiculous when parents don’t see the bigger picture and undermine your degree, yet expect you to be grateful for everything. Like, why keep rubbing it in that your degree’s supposedly worthless? That's just some serious cognitive dissonance right there. It’s like they don't realize how damaging that constant comparison is.
Honestly, being held back by outdated "cultural" norms is just so frustrating. You'd think in this day and age, they'd understand the importance of independence and self-discovery that comes with studying abroad. It’s like they're stuck in a time warp or something. And what's up with the whole marriage comment? It's just nonsensical. I mean, whether you’re 25 or 35, your educational aspirations shouldn’t be tied to your marital status.
Props to your sister for being supportive, though. Sibling solidarity in these situations is priceless. I had a similar experience where my family just couldn't comprehend why I wanted to move away for school. Just keep pushing for what you want—trust me, you’ll find a way. It's your life, not theirs. If they keep throwing those empty remarks, just let them roll off your back. Stay focused on what you want to achieve. It's your journey, not just a box to tick for someone else’s approval.
Man, that really sucks 😞 It's so frustrating when parents don't get it and think they're doing you a favor while totally dissing your choices. The constant comparison with your sister is just unfair; like, hello, everyone's journey is different! Your parents saying stuff like "you still have time" is just a way to dodge the real issue, and throwing marriage into the mix is just clueless.
Been there, done that. My parents used to do the same thing, making me feel like my degree was just a piece of paper. It's insane how they expect gratitude on one hand while constantly undervaluing your achievements. Seriously, can't they make up their minds? Just hang in there and keep pushing for what you want. You've gotta carve out your own path, even if it means defying expectations ✊
totally get your frustration. sounds like a tough spot to be in when family pressure clashes with personal ambitions. it's strange how some parents can dismiss a degree's value yet expect gratitude; doesn't resonate with modern times. the comparison to your sister is unfair; everyone should be allowed their own path. it's unfortunate when cultural norms restrict opportunities, like not being able to go to the gym. I've heard of similar situations from friends; balancing respect for family with personal goals is tricky. hang in there, and hopefully they'll recognize your aspirations.
sounds like you're in a tough spot, but maybe there's a silver lining. studying at home can still offer a lot if you make the most of it. it's true some cultural norms feel restrictive, but family traditions can also offer support. comparing yourself to your sister isn't gonna help; everyone has their own path and timing. perhaps focusing on what you can do with your degree at home can unlock new opportunities. it might be worth discussing your feelings with your parents again, calmly and openly. sometimes a different approach can get you heard better.