how to deal with a narcissistic father?
The story
i keep typing "how to deal with a narcissistic father?" into my phone at 2:17 a.m. because apparently sleep is less urgent than figuring out why my dad sabotaged a job and called it parenting. i'm still living in his house, using the shared family email because he insisted all "important paperwork" should stay together. stupid setup, yes. i trusted him with access, not with making career decisions for me!!!
the offer was for a customer success operations role at BrightDesk, mostly handling onboarding tickets and account escalations. it paid $24.50 an hour and had decent health insurance. when the recruiter asked why i rejected it, i thought she had contacted the wrong person. buried in the sent folder was a reply from our address saying, "thank you, but this position isn't suitable at this time." my signature was pasted underneath. the login activity matched his laptop, and the applicant tracking system showed my status as candidate declined.
when i confronted him, he said he had never opened the message. then he said maybe i clicked something without remembering. after i showed him the sent email, he switched to, "i was protecting you from a company that would chew you up." amazing how the truth changed whenever the previous version became impossible!!! he also demanded gratitude because he has "done everything" for me. apparently fixing my car gives him unilateral authority over my employment now???
my aunt called after that and spoke to me like i was made of glass. she said, "your father told us you're too unstable to hold a job." for context, i had a rough month after being laid off, and i cried in the kitchen once because another rejection came in. that does not make me incapable of answering support tickets. calling relatives before i knew the offer existed was calculated bullshit, though i admit he may genuinely believe his interference counts as help.
i'm trying to draw a hard line without turning every evening into another screaming match. i changed the email password and told him, clearly, that he cannot open, answer, forward, or delete anything addressed to me. he denied touching the account, then demanded access back because i was being "secretive." i said job messages are private. he slammed a cabinet and started reciting every bill he has ever paid, as if gratitude means permanent surveillance. the contradiction is so blatant that it almost feels insulting to argue with it.
i have a sublease ready, and i can move in after two weeks. my passport, employment records, medication, and laptop are already inside a duffel at a friend's apartment because i don't want them becoming leverage. to be fair, my dad paid part of my community college tuition and repaired my car when i was broke. those things were real help. they still do not buy him the right to impersonate me, wreck an offer, and run a revisionist press tour through the family.
now he keeps alternating between acting confused and announcing that i'll fail without him. during breakfast he asked why i was "punishing" him after all his sacrifices, then claimed again that he never sent the email. i'm keeping screenshots and refusing to debate facts that are sitting in the sent folder. part of me wants to leave quietly, and part of me wants to tell every relative exactly what happened!!! so i'm asking before i carry these boxes out: how to deal with a narcissistic father?
