I don’t really care for my mother anymore
The story
My mom went out of the country for a trip to Bali. She’s coming back today at 20:00, or 8 pm. She’s been texting me, saying how much she misses me and loves me but I just can’t reciprocate the feeling.
It’s not like I never loved her; I have before but it died the moment she chose our abuser over me. I guess I can backtrack and give story.
I have been and still am mentally and emotionally abused by adults. No, I can’t say anything about it because when I do I get shit like this:
“Well you’re not being physically abused so..”
“People have it way worse.”
“If you actually wanted to die then you would’ve killed yourself already.”
Yep. Those are actual statements said by my abuser and one by my own mother. I’ll give you a hint, it’s not the last one lol. Apparently since I wasn’t physically beaten then I have nothing to complain about.
This isn’t the first adult she let mentally and emotionally abused me. But no matter the times I cried, complained and spoke up. She always chose them over me.
You know the greatest lie she told me? “I’ll always protect you.” Such bullshit that is.
Oh but it doesn’t matter because first time moms always mess up, I should be more lenient.
Fuck off with that shitty mindset. Her “mistakes” costed me my fucking childhood and you want to sit here and pity her? The fuck?
What about me?
I’m overlooked because I don’t have visible scars. I’m overlooked because I’m just a kid who “knows no better?” I’m overlooked because I have nothing to complain about since I have food and shelter? I’m overlooked because I should just sit up and take it or otherwise it’s disrespectful. I’m overlooked because my experience isn’t seen as worthy enough to be considered; only appear as “inconveniences.”
Yea, it’s such a fucking inconvenience that I still have nightmares about my abuser, I still get flashbacks and I still feel uncomfortable and scared around people who remind me of her. Yea, what a big fat fucking inconvenience that is.
I say all those because I have nothing left for my mother. I’m no longer around and associated with my abuser but my mom is my new abuser now. It’s weird.
She does this thing where she puts me and my abuser together all because we share the same zodiac sign. But if I complain? I’m disrespectful. She vents to me as if I have some solution and when I vent to her she shuts me down because what I’m complaining about is the way she treats me.
She calls me a manipulator and claims I’m gaslighting because I’m explaining myself; which she also doesn’t give me the effort to do because she just shuts me down.
For example, I have extreme social anxiety. we were in a crowded store and I had a panic attack. I was on the verge of tears and she got irritated with me when I wanted to go back home. You know what she did in the car? She called my aunt and victimize herself, telling her all the bad things that happened to her and pained me as if I was some disrespectful trouble maker.
In addition, she said she force me in situations that I’m clearly uncomfortable in, so SHE can feel sure of herself. Not that I can feel sure, but her. Everything she does its always about her, her, her, yet claims she loves me?
I don’t have the energy to deal with my mom when she comes back. I don’t even have the energy to fake excitement. I just can’t wait until I leave this house and never look back.
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Points of view
damn, that sounds rough. honestly, it's messed up how people act like emotional and mental abuse doesn't matter just because you can't see it. you're not alone in feeling like your experiences aren't taken seriously just cause they're not "visible." what's up with parents comparing kids to their abusers, like based on zodiac signs of all things? that's so ridiculous. do you have any plans for getting some space or support beyond this situation; like moving out or talking to someone who gets it? honestly hope you're able to get away and find peace eventually; you've been through enough bs already.
I plan on moving out and going to college. Literally my only choice if I wanna move out quickly; don’t think I wanna stay here any longer than I have to. Also, I don’t understand the zodiac sign bs either. She believes that since we have the same zodiac sign then I’m exactly like her. It’s so fucking irritating and disheartening to hear my own mother claim I’m exactly like my abuser. It still hurts even after I had emotionally tuned her out. But thank you for your reply and kind words 🌸🌸 I wish you a great future
moving out and going to college sounds like a smart move for getting some peace, and it sucks how your mom's using that zodiac sign crap to compare you.... just know you're not your abuser, no matter what she says. keep focusing on your plan...you're strong, and I genuinely hope things get better for you soon 🌟
Tysm!! I appreciate this a lot 🌸🌸
man, that sounds so rough. it's like she doesn't see you at all, just her own needs and narratives. the emotional toll of having someone who should have your back instead invalidate and dismiss your feelings... that's intense. how do you handle being around her now? seems like it'd be a real drain on your mental health 😞
I’ve learned to stop explaining myself to people who refuse to listen. Instead of getting upset, I just remove myself from the situation, cry and/or write down my feelings in my journal. It helps me and it’s better than having another argument with her. Honestly, I’m mentally and emotionally drained. The only thing I’m looking forward to is moving out and living on campus in college. Whatever happens after that, I’ll figure it out, I just need to get out of here.
journaling sounds like a good way to process everything without having a fight over every little thing. i'm sorry it's such an emotional drain right now. focusing on college and getting that fresh start is gonna be so important, i feel that big time. take care of yourself in the meantime as much as you can.
Tysm! Take care as well! This means a lot
I understand where you're coming from, but maybe consider trying therapy to work through your feelings.
I can. Maybe in the future. Tried it before and it didn’t really work out, but I’m older now and maybe it’ll be different. Thank you for your reply!
Yeah, therapy can really help unpack all of that.
Man, that's a tough situation. It really sucks when the people who are supposed to support you end up being so hurtful. 🚫 Just remember that feeling unloved or unwanted gets better with time and removing yourself from toxic environments can do wonders; trust me. Even if it feels like forever now, you'll find your way out of this mess eventually. Keep your head up and focus on what's best for you!
Tysm for your reply 🌸🌸 I will work on that; keeping my head up and focusing on myself mostly
man, that sounds incredibly rough. i get why you'd feel the way you do. it's like you're caught in a loop where your feelings don't matter just because they're invisible. reminds me of how folks say mental scars are easier to ignore because they can't see them. does she ever acknowledge her role, or is it always flipped around on you? i'm really hoping you find some peace and distance whenever you're ready to move out. that mental weight has gotta be tough to carry every day...
Tysm for your reply 🌸🌸 she does acknowledge her role as a mother as in taking care of me. Everything else like emotions and mental stability is out the window. It’s kinda like a toxic roommate or a distant family member. But I’m just counting down the days at this point. Hope you’re having a lovely day though 🌸🌸
i get the feeling it’s not really about the basics like food and shelter. sounds like those emotional connections matter a lot more. maybe if she could see that, things would be different? it must feel so lonely when the person who's supposed to have your back doesn’t really see you at all. i hope counting down brings some comfort until you find your own space.
wow, that's really intense, and it sounds like you're carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders. 🙁 i totally get how frustrating and isolating it can be when emotional pain is dismissed simply because it's not visible; it's like walking around with an invisible backpack that nobody else sees. in my experience, emotional wounds often take longer to heal because they don't come with clear-cut treatments or easy solutions. there's this remarkable quote by Maya Angelou: "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." that resonates here, doesn't it? maybe finding a safe space, even if just online, where you can express yourself without judgment could offer some relief. hold out hope for your eventual independence...it might seem distant now but imagining the freedom one day is sometimes enough to keep pushing forward.
Tysm for your words and you’re definitely right. Thinking about what will happen after I move out has been giving me peace. Writing this story had given me relief and I feel even more seen that people are taking this seriously. I was afraid people would dismiss it lol but thank you again, it means a lot more than you think 🌸🌸
i'm happy sharing your story has brought you some peace and visibility🌸
well thats rough but ur mom isnt gonna change so u gotta find a way to cope with it she wont listen just look out for urself there r worst things in life
Idk if you’re trying to be helpful but saying “there are worse things” are exactly the tactic that’s been used against me to dismiss and minimize my feelings. I appreciate the effort in the comment but it didn’t really help me. Thanks tho
ok, i hear ya. wasn't tryna dismiss ur feelings just saying things won’t magically change and it's tough. focus on ways to cope and get out when u can, that’s what i meant.
Ohh ok yea I understand what you meant now and I see what you’re saying. I’m finding ways and sticking to it but tyy for your reply 🌸🌸
Damn, your situation's so messed up. It's like your mom can't see past her own drama to understand how much you're hurting. That whole "you’re just like them 'cause of a zodiac sign" thing is pure BS. You deserve so much better than being compared to someone who hurt you that deeply! Ever considered setting some boundaries with her? Like, what do you even do when she starts pulling that manipulative crap? I know it's hard now, but getting out and doing your own thing at college sounds like a solid plan. Hang in there; you'll find freedom soon enough. 🔥
Tysm for your kind words. It’s hard talking to her when it’s about her behavior. So I just gave up and turnt to my journal and even my friends. Although I don’t want to depend on my friends to be my therapist, they’ve been really helpful and open-minded. I’m also trying to focus more on what will happen once I finally move out; that’s been giving me some peace
It's good to have your journal and friends to turn to. I remember when I was living with my dad, it was like walking on eggshells. My journal became my best friend too. Writing everything down helped me sort through the chaos in my head. Keep focusing on your move, it'll be your escape!
have you thought about talking to her more directly?
That never works, trust me. I tried before and she always shuts me down. When it’s something she doesn’t like to hear, she never wants to hear it.
I'm sorry to hear that. It's really draining when someone refuses to listen, especially when you need them the most. I hope you find some peace soon...
Wow, your situation is truly challenging. I can somewhat relate, since my friend's mom used to gaslight them in a similar way. It's rough when those who claim to love you can't put you first or even try to understand your perspectives. Maybe once you're away at college, you can find more people who genuinely support and get you! Hang in there, the future has potential for better days 🙌
Man, it sounds like you're stuck in this never-ending cycle with your mom where everything revolves around her needs and perceptions. It's gotta be tough when the person who's supposed to have your back keeps turning things around on you; it's like every time you try to even express how you're feeling, it just gets invalidated or twisted. You mentioned planning to move out for college, which is awesome because that fresh start might just be what you need. I don't know about you, but sometimes just picturing a life without the constant drama is enough motivation to keep pushing through the rough days. On another note, I'm sorry you've had to deal with those zodiac comparisons...it's weird how some cling to ideas that don't really hold water in reality; hope you're able to find some peace soon!
I get that you're dealing with a lot and man, it seriously sucks. 😐 But at the same time, isn't being completely reliant on moving out right now just adding to your stress? Sometimes I wonder if focusing only on getting away might make everyday life even harder to handle; maybe exploring small coping tricks, like finding hidden moments of peace or sanctuary in daily life can make it bearable till college. It might be worth considering how you engage with her too: not for her sake but for yours...it could somehow empower you and minimize the emotional drain.
maybe she's going through something herself?
You know, I'm kinda torn here...
Your feelings are completely valid. I went through something similar with my father and it took me years to process.
I had the same experience... It's tough!
Dang, your situation sounds so heavy and frustrating. I can't even imagine dealing with that level of emotional drain every day. It sucks when the people who are supposed to protect you end up causing more pain instead. But hey, journaling and chatting with friends is such a smart move; it's like finding your own little lifeline when things get rough. Maybe try focusing on small victories each day? Even little wins can make a difference till you're finally on your own; fingers crossed for some peace and happiness in your future! 🌟
why not leave sooner?