Trauma.
The story
TW, RELIGIOUS PSYCHOSIS,F*RCE FEEDING, AB*SE, MENTAL ILLNESS
This is a repost of one of my writing, it’s so I can read newer comments.
[Present time] right now it feels horrid in my house, been eating like sh*t, feeling like sh*t, and my parents keep acting like everything is okay. I assume my mother hasn't told him that she wants a divorce(look at my other story for context) But honestly I'm scared sh*tless if he does, I'm scared. I'm scared that he'll go crazy again and hurt me or my mother.
[Past time, when was about 8-10 around then] so this was when I was coming home from school after taking the bus, my father recently stopped picking me up at my bustop but honestly I was glad I'm really ashamed of him. So I walk into my house and up my stairs (apartment) and I pause as I heard slaps and crying of my mom...? So I immediately speed up and run to the top of the stairs. There it was, my own "dad" hitting my mom, with her on the floor on her knees crying. I'm 8-10 so I stop and stand still, because what else am I supposed to do??? Yell? Stop him? She looked at me mid slap. "Oh my God! (Name), go upstairs!" is what she said, didn't want to see her get hurt so I listened. I dropped my bag on the floor and quickly ran away to my room and shut my door and sat on my bed. Sitting there. Doing nothing. Hearing her muffled cries and begs. [Time skip slightly, 20 minutes later] she comes up and opens my door as I was crying from guilt and worry, I immediately try to stop and stare at her in fear and worry because I thought she would've d*ed. But she just walks in and hugs me tightly, muttering it's okay. So I start crying more because this is my mom crying as well? And that's all I really remember from that.
[I think a couple days after the last story thingy] so it was morning in my bedroom and my "dad" brought me some pancakes(microwave type). So he sits me down and gives me my food and sits down with me on my bed, start eating them and I said that I didn't want them all. So this mother f*cker moves closer and takes the pancakes in his hand, shoves it in my mouth, forces me to chew it for a bit. So I'm crying. I'm 8-10 then. So he then says "None of this matters, it doesn't f*cking matter!! Because we all are dying and going to heaven!!" so now he puts his hand in my mouth and takes out the chewed up food and throws it at my bathroom door. He has a crazy, big pupiled, crazy smile on his face. So I scream for my mom. She comes running and screams as well, pulls him off me and takes me away from him to her room. And hugs me as I sobbed. And I remember her asking me what happened but I don't remember anything else.
[Around the time of the last timeskip] My dad was in this weird religious psychosis?? He wasn't even Christian for sake!! But whatever... So it was mid evening and I hear yelling as I was doing homework at the dining table. It was yelling about car keys and where were they? Mind you these keys belonged to my grandfather/ my REAL FATHER FIGURE. So obviously I needed to know because it was someone I cared about. So my father says "I threw them in the trail in the woods when I walked the dogs, god told me to." what the actual f*ck???? So my mom goes "what?" in disbelief because really we needed that car. So my mom soon starts yelling at them and they start fighting. Next thing I know I'm being pulling upstairs to pack bags to leave withmy grandpa outside yelling and arguing with my father about keys and how crazy my "dad" was. So obviously I'm scared. I'm 8 or 10??? So I cry and do as I'm told and soon we are running down the stairs and I see my "dad" with crazy eyes yelling "You can't take (my name) away!! That's my daughter!" I'm scared. SCARED. I'm sobbing and trying to get to the car my grandma was in with my bags. So now I look up at the yelling coming from my house window, it's my dad screaming, "I'll find you (name)! I'll f*cking get you back!!" uhm!!! I'm sobbing because I'm scared of my "dad" right now. So my grandma starts driving to leave, the path circles around the house. So I see my "dad" leaning out the window arguing with my grandpa where the keys were in the woods, my grandpa was mad so he started going to find them in the woods. And then I felt my grandma's hand holding mine so I broke, her pink nail polish and her clamy hands felt so good right then. And thats all i remember and the car keys got remade as they couldn't find them. Then I also stayed at my grandparents place for a bit as they put my "dad" in the hospfital for a while.
[Around when I was 9?] so my mom comes down stairs and accidently drops a mug and yells about leaving stuff everywhere and how useless my father was. So my mom starts grabbing mugs from the cup cabinet and throws them on the floor so my "dad" rushes to stop her and yells at her to stop and she does and starts crying. That's all I remember and I remember ending up at my grandparents place for a bit when she went to the hospital for a bit.
Thx for getting this far lol, I'd love any comments or opinions!!!
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Damn, that's some heavy stuff. 😳 I can't even imagine what it must've been like to grow up in such a chaotic environment; It's really messed up how parents can act all normal on the outside while everything's falling apart inside. I had this one friend who went through something similar, and it's just mind-blowing how resilient kids can be despite going through hell; You showed a lot of strength sharing your experience here. Keep pushing forward, things get better, and remember you're not alone out there!
wow, that’s intense, i’m sorry you had to go through all that. 🙁 it’s crazy how parents can put on a front when things are so rough at home. sometimes it feels like they're living in their own world and you're just stuck in the middle of it all. when i was little, my uncle used to act out in weird ways too and it always left me feeling confused and scared. it's important to find some stability where you can, like with your grandparents or any other supportive people around you. hang in there, you've already shown incredible strength just by sharing this.
wow, this is some deeply unsettling stuff. it’s unbelievable how people who are supposed to provide a safe haven can turn your world upside down like that. it's horrifying to witness such madness and chaos at such a tender age — no child should ever have to experience this level of dysfunction. reminds me of when I lived with my volatile aunt for a bit; those days were filled with tension, and every noise felt like an impending storm. just try to hold on to the good moments with your grandparents—they're the lifeline keeping you grounded amidst all this turmoil. keep sharing if it helps, because getting these stories out there is a tremendous act of courage in itself.
wow, that's a lot to process. it sucks that you had to witness such stuff at such a young age. dealing with parents going through intense situations like that can leave such a mark on you, making everyday life feel like walking on eggshells 🥴 it's understandable why you're feeling so scared about what might happen next. the uncertainty of it all and your dad’s unpredictable behavior must be super nerve-wracking. i really hope there's some kind of support around for you and your mom because no one deserves to live in fear like that. just keep looking for the right moments to breathe and talk about it when you can, hopefully things will get better with time.
Jeez, that sounds like a total nightmare!!! 😠 It's wild how adults can just lose it and throw all this chaos at kids who are just trying to make sense of the world. I can't believe the stuff you had to see and hear; Seriously, ain't nobody supposed to live through that kind of madness. My folks split when I was young too, but it was nothing compared to what you described. Honestly, your courage shines through in every bit of your story. Just keep pushing, life has a way of throwing surprises and not always bad ones;
Thank you!! I honestly felt I was going a bit crazy..? Like I knew this wasn’t normal family behavior, but I knew family has their demons? Idk but it think family and abuse lines were melting together.
Wow, what an incredibly intense and challenging thing you've experienced. Your strength in sharing such deeply personal stories is truly commendable. Growing up with that level of unpredictability and fear must have been so tough, but it's evident that you possess a remarkable resilience. I can't help but think there's something powerful in how you've navigated these situations, almost like finding little pockets of safety among the chaos—whether it be through your grandparents or your own inner strength. Remember to lean on those moments and people who offer support as you continue to heal and grow. You've already shown immense courage by opening up here, and that's a big step toward brighter days ahead!
Holy sh*t, that's a wild ride from start to finish 😨. I can't imagine the kind of emotional rollercoaster you lived through, being terrified one moment and then having to act like everything's cool the next. Your parents sound like they were caught up in some deep sh*t, dragging you along for it without considering your feelings. Reminds me of when my old man would flip out for no reason; it’s a hellish experience but hang tight—you're strong as hell for getting through it and sharing your story here. Keep pushing forward 💪.