Hello people, how are you doing ? I'm doing good, I just recovered from crying out of frustration because my mom does not leave me alone.

To preface, it's been a year since I've decided I have to limit contact with my parents by a lot to preserve my mental health, even though I still live with them. I've already explained to her why I don't want to talk to her a few times, and so far, I've slowly recovered.

Now, my mom came into my room and told me we needed to talk. I already had an idea of what it's going to be like, which is basically her trying to get everything to "go back as normal". However, I refuse to talk to her precisely because I don't want to pretend that everything's fine. Anyway, she starts with how she's going to our homecountry in a few months, and she wanted to know if I wanted to go there too. I said no, because I don't want to go with her. She then asks me why I don't want to go, so I told her I just don't want to go. She then starts telling me how my biological dad misses me, and that he doesn't deserve to be involved in this and suffer because of it. I told her that my reasoning had literally nothing to do with him. She then explains to me how she let the situation go on for a year and everyone kept telling her "you're her mom, you're the one who has to fix the situation". So I ask her what she's going to do to fix the situation. Admittedly, I asked the question because I doubted she was actually going to do anything to fix it, and that's when she asked me to not yell at her. I think there's a difference between being half sarcastic and yelling at someone, but I digress. In any case, I ended up actually yelling at her because she started acting confused about why I don't want to talk to her, even though I've already told her about what she did to me throughout my childhood last time. She even dared to tell me, the moment that I brought up the fact that she told me that " even grandma and God wouldn't forgive me for not forgiving her", that I was making it up, that I really reach for anything to hold against her and that I make excuses for myself. Let's just say that it pissed me off to no end, I thought I was actually going to slap her. To me, you don't just say things like that, then act confused that I refuse to help mend a relationship. It's also proof to me that she doesn't listen to a thing I say and if not that, that she can't recognize the wrongs she's done and that she tries to find excuses for herself, because she also tried to tell me (again) that it's normal that families have conflicts and that everything she did was for my own good. I restrained myself from retorting that still talking to a relative that tried to rape me in my sleep is for my own good too, but in retrospect, I probably should've. In any case, I told her that enough's enough, that she's on her own and to basically get out if all she has to say for herself is excuses. And all of this is because I went somewhere for 3 days without telling her where I was exactly. I can understand concern, but in all honesty, if it wasn't for the parental relationship that has slowly soured for so many years, I think I would've been more open about it. Unfortunately for her, it's too late for her to act like she feels responsible for my protection when she didn't even protect me from people that had no right to act weirdly towards me.

Thank you for reading, I hope you have a good day/night.

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