Got ghosted
The story
I am 56 years old and met my best friend in university when we both were 19/20 years of age.
In comparison to me she had a hard upbringing. Her mother had her with only 18, father left the family when she was a small kid and built a new family with a new woman. This new wife tried to cut her out of their life as much as possible and her father went low contact. Her mother turned to alcohol, became a heavy drinker, which resulted in my friend living in different families until she got her own flat when she was 16, supervised by the authorities. Later her mom married again, also a drinker, and they got 2 more children (her mom died in her early 50s). My friend struggled a lot, but successfully managed school and made it to Uni. Without financial support from home, she had to work. Some of her jobs where in the grey Zone: escort service or selling used underwear to weirdos. She also got herself older boyfriends to make ends meet. In general she had a disturbed view on men and relationships. Kind of understandable.
We went through uni and started our jobs which led me into another Country. We always held contact though it thinned out over time due to working and being apart 300 Miles.
When I married she was my bridesmaid (in our culture we usually have only one). I struggled getting pregnant and she with finding a partner. Due to her background she had Kind of weird expectations, always thought her men were unfairhful, though she always had something on the side, just to be save in case of being Left. Morally I never supported her lifestyle but I could relate as she never had a real dad, a safe home and Security.
Then she met a guy, got pregnant after one month and married highly pregnant. A party would be to come after giving birth. At This point she was reluctant me visiting her. I understood (new marriage, baby and house) and I also went through IVF and more at the same time.
When I was 40 I finally had my child. We had contact via phone, but never seemed to manage visiting each other. One day we talked on the phone when all of a sudden she turned to short answers and ended the conversation. This was the last time we spoke, ever.
After a few months she accidentally picked up the phone when I rang, said she is in a hurry, will come back later and hung up. It’s been more than 10 years……for years I tried to call her, sent birthday and x-mas wishes. Nothing in return. I was and am ghosted completely.
BTW: During our last phone call we didn‘t fight or argued. I remember that I was talking about my father in-law, coz they had just stayed at our place the week before.
I am 90% over it, still I would give the world to know what happened. Was it something I said or did? I do not want this friendship back, but I feel I have the right to know the reason. It would just be fair! Funny thing: she is working as a psychotherapist, being praised online for skills.
Wonder what the internet has to say?!?!
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Points of view
man, that story is just wild and kinda sad. i totally get where you’re coming from 😟. people can be so confusing and mysterious sometimes, especially when they just cut you off without any explanation. i mean, you’d think after all those years of friendship, she’d at least give you a heads-up. can't help but feel for both of you, really. friendships can get super complicated, right? i've seen my share of them go downhill for no obvious reason too, and it just sucks. it’s like one day everything’s cool, and then, poof, they’re gone. how are you supposed to deal with that, anyway? it leaves you hanging, doubting everything. really hope you find some closure someday, but yeah, some people just drift, i guess 🤷. keep your head up!
Thanks! It really helps to see other POVs and realizing, I am not crazy.....
I sure have my flaws. If I only knew what made her so mad or disappointed that the only way she could think of is to cut the ties drastically. She robbed me from an opportunity to learn and evolve as a person. I moved on a long time ago, made new friends and with 56 I am happy on my own (have my family, but I am no longer dependent on friends like I was in my 20s/30s). Still from time to time I think about her and the ghosting. You know, nearly every picture of my wedding is with her...... My teenage son asked who is she? Then I tell him. He is also very confused.
hey, i really feel you on this one and honestly, it sounds like you went through a lot with your friend. not knowing why someone disappears from your life after years of friendship is tough, but it’s great that you’re mostly over it now. reminds me of something i read once, “some people pass through our lives for a reason, bringing blessings or lessons.” i reckon she might have had her own reasons—maybe just couldn’t handle keeping up with people from her past while starting something new with her family. it’s weird but sometimes people just outgrow friendships; i had a buddy who did the same, later told me he just needed space to figure out himself. seems like you've found a way to keep moving forward with your life, and that’s all you can really do. keep the good memories, learn from the experience, and cherish the friends who stick around; they’re the ones who matter. hang in there, you never know, maybe one day you’ll get the chance to reconnect!
Thanks, I like the saying “some people pass through our lives for a reason, bringing blessings or lessons". At my age I have seen a lot of friends come and go. Life takes turns, you start new jobs or enter a new phase in your life and people no longer fit. That's ok. Usually when I meet people from the past, we can chat or even have a coffee together. Difference is, her separating from me was a choice, a decision. I respect her choice and as you said I am 100% sure, she had her personal reasons. I would just like to know, even if it was something I don't agree on, I would respect it as her view or base for her decision. We were so close, shared our most personal emotions and thoughts. We know things from each other no-one else knows. Honestly I lost interest in reconnecting, but I think about confronting her one day. Take some days off and try to find her, I just know her job address (tried to call, but the answering machine just states "no therapy sessions are available", you can't even leave a message).
Could you fully forgive your buddy?
life happens, people drift apart; that’s just how it goes sometimes 😕. who even knows what was going on in her head back then? maybe she felt overwhelmed or maybe she had her reasons that had nothing to do with you. it’s easy to get caught up in someone else’s choices and wonder if you did something wrong, but sometimes it's just not about us. i had a mate who ghosted the whole friend group, no fights or anything, just vanished; turns out he was going through some personal stuff and had to cut ties. it's frustrating but trying to figure it all out will drive you nuts. focus on the connections you have now and let the past be the past. no need to dwell, not worth your energy 🤷♂️.
honestly, it’s brutal when someone you cared about just cuts off contact like that. people should have the decency to provide closure instead of leaving you in the lurch; as the saying goes, "communication is key." sure, she might have had her own reasons, but completely ghosting is just inconsiderate. had a similar experience with a colleague and it felt like walking into a brick wall!!! maybe she was dealing with things you didn't know about, but that's not an excuse to shut you out. hang in there and focus on those who reciprocate your energy 😊.
seriously, that's messed up that she just cut you off like that. you deserve some answers, straight up. it sounds like you both had a tight bond, and for her to just ghost you is brutal. i had a similar thing happen with a coworker who i thought was chill, but then they just blanked me out of nowhere. it's like, if there’s an issue, at least have the decency to lay it all out. keep doing you, though, because you’ve got your own stuff going on. maybe she had her own demons or whatever, but that's on her. people are complex, and life’s too short to stress over someone who's not giving you the time of day. move forward and focus on those who actually stick around and value what you bring to the table. keep your head up! 😊
hey, honestly, i get why you're upset, but sometimes things aren't always as they seem 😕. i've heard people say, "we don't always know the battles others are fighting," and that could be the deal here. maybe she had her reasons for going quiet that had zip to do with you. had a friend once who bailed on all of us, no word; turns out she was dealing with stuff that was just too big to share. i'd say give her the benefit of the doubt? sure, it’s frustrating, but you never know what's going on behind the scenes. move forward with your people who stick around, but maybe consider she had her own struggles you didn't see 🤷.