I'm bad at life
The story
I was watching nana edits, it's an amazing anime and I love it. Gonna get a tattoo. While I was watching it tho..my lamp blinked 3 or 4 times. I thought the power was gonna go out but nothing else in my room was doing that. Not the fan or anything. It stopped, idk why but it kinda felt like a kind ghost just letting their presence be known. I feel like a ghost, it feels like my friends and family have their relationships figured out and feel connected. I wish I had something like that. When I wanna die, I think about my sister and the playlist I made when I think about her. I watch videos about girls losing their older brother. Sometimes I really do just wanna leave earth, like right now, it feels good to finally let my feelings out like this. When I think about dying, it's silly but I think of a hot guy and he's my boyfriend, kissing him and stuff, that's all I want during my last moments, I'd be pretty content. I don't think anyone would really care THAT much if I killed myself. I would plan but I try not to let myself get to that level. I'm also a degenerate which doesn't help during dark times, like they're having fulfilling social fun while I e-sex men or plan hookups. I feel like a doomer, that was something I was worried of becoming yet I'm just here.
I'm 18, I turn 19 this year tho. idk why but aging is scary, like nothing to do with looks or anything but it's like life is serious and I'm on a ride that I can't stop and it's gonna keep going up. It's too vast, overwhelming, I can do anything now but like what, yaknow. I guess that's why I just resorted to sexual shit. I don't like this vast dull feeling tho, idk how to stop it, it's like stopping from being happy about shit I'm supposed to be happy about. Like I'm graduating this year, I got the hairstyle I finally wanted, gonna get a job, gonna start my career, gonna party, club, concert, dance, travel. I don't understand why my happiness isn't here...
Stories in the same category
Points of view
damn, i gotta level with you here. it's wild how something as small as a flickering lamp can spiral into so many deep thoughts, right??? but hey, don't let the fear of aging or life's speed freak you out too much. i'm not saying it'll magically fix everything, but sometimes leaning into these overwhelming feelings and really questioning what they're telling us can open new doors. i remember when i was your age, it felt like everyone else had life all figured out too... turns out most are just winging it!! hang in there—you're probably doing better than you think!!!
it's crazy how you're juggling so much at once, and it's totally understandable to feel overwhelmed; i remember being just about your age and feeling like life's this massive open-world game without a cheat code or guidebook, which can seriously get on the nerves; thinking about tattoos is cool though—like lasting art that reflects parts of you.
I've been there too, feeling like everyone else is on top of their game while I'm just kind of floating in limbo, and honestly, that vastness you feel can actually be your playground if you let it be, so even though it's scary now, keep exploring because sometimes those little things—like connecting with a show or a playlist about your sister—are more grounding than we realize.
yo, i totally feel you on the whole aging and life feeling like a runaway train, it's nuts;!!! honestly tho, you're not alone in these feelings. it’s overwhelming when everyone seems sorted out, but most people are just good at pretending lol;?? that ghost lamp moment sounds spooky cool, like a weird reminder we're not as alone as we think; your thoughts about wanting connection during tough times hit hard. i remember feeling so lost at 18 too, thinking my future was a black hole of uncertainty... it's okay to feel stuck sometimes. keep finding those little joys and don't be too hard on yourself—life's messier than it appears but that's kinda what makes it interesting;; hang in there!!