2024

(I will not post the identity of this person cause even thought i was hurt i still love them deeply and i know it was just an accident i need ur side of our story)

So i was bored cause i just wanted to play a game with my friend and most of my friends werent online. They were available so i asked them if they wanted to play and they gladly accepted.

I teached them some basics and most of the lore cause i knew a lot about the game.

A while passed and i was trying really hard to get something i wanted in the game. In december i finally got it during a run with them and i was SO happy.

Until they got basically everything too.

I was wondering how they were progressing so fast when i literally started playing before them.

And thats probably when i first started comparing myself to them.

The thing is, that game was a comfort game for me. It wasnt just some random game i played. I genuinely loved it and it was something i could go to when i wanted to have fun.

2025

During an event, we were both really happy about it so we played together.

Then they got something i had been trying to get in ONE NIGHT.

I was pissed.

But i just told myself i needed to train more.

Later while we were playing, they said something my jealousy would never forget:

"Looks like the student surpassed the master."

They probably didnt mean it as seriously as i took it, but it really got to me.

I was the one who teached them when they started, so hearing that made it feel even more like a competition.

Thats where my jealousy started getting worse.

A while later i found another game.

I really liked it. The story was cool, the characters were cool, everything.

It also became another comfort game for me.

Then my friend joined me, so i decided to teach them again.

But they got to a higher level than me while i was stuck at a lower level.

The funny thing is there was actually a reason for it. I was playing on hard mode and wasnt earning XP properly.

But at the time i didnt care.

All i could think was:

**"I started before them. I teached them. And theyre ahead of me again."**

My jealousy grew but my dumbass decided to bottle it up.

After that i found another game that i really enjoyed.

Again, it became a comfort game for me.

I decided to play it first so that when my friend joined, we could be around the same level.

But when i made them join, they were better than me.

I was devastated.

Like genuinely devastated.

Not just because they were better.

It was because this was another comfort game.

Something that was supposed to be fun and relaxing suddenly felt like another competition.

It felt like i couldnt even have a comfort game without eventually comparing myself to them.

2026

Then i found another game.

I tried it but decided id come back to it later.

BUT I WAS TOO LATE.

My friend found it after me and it became one of their main interests.

I was devstated again.

Every time they made a reference to it, my jealousy grew.

Eventually i became really defensive and honestly kinda toxic about their interests.

Id say things like:"Youre still playing this stupid game?"

And stuff like that.

Looking back, that wasnt fair and i was very rude about the only thing they enjoy they werent doing anything wrong by enjoying something.

I didnt actually hate the game.

I hated what i had started associating with it.

Eventually they asked why i was being so mean about their interests.

So i finally told them the whole story.

I explained everything about my jealousy and how it had been building up over time.

Then i took a break.

I thought my jealousy would calm down if i just stopped talking to them for a while.

It didnt.

Eventually we started talking again.

Around that time they were having some problems in their relationship, and they became really dry.

That annoyed me because im the type of person who checks what i said right after i send it and thinks about how it sounded.

Im also really sensitive.

Theyre naturally a very blunt and direct person. Theyre not really the type to lie just because the truth would hurt someone.

If something is true, theyll say it.

I dont think thats necessarily a bad thing, but for someone as sensitive as me, sometimes it could really hurt.

I had told them multiple times that i was sensitive, so sometimes the way they said things got to me.

My emotions kept building up anyway.

And once again, i bottled everything up until i lashed out.

So i took another break.

Later they texted me asking why it had taken me a month to reply.

We argued and i realized i had actually told them id be back in two or three weeks, not two or three months (my fault).

And honestly, i needed comfort at the time, so i decided to talk to them again.

BAD IDEA AGAIN 🥹

I wasnt healed yet.

All the jealousy was still there.

One night i was choosing a game to play.

They told me:"You have to realize we have different gameplay."

That already kinda hurt me because i was still extremely sensitive about comparing myself to them.

Then we played this really simple game where an NPC was chasing us around.

I was actually doing pretty well.

I was joking about raging even though i wasnt actually angry and was just having fun.

Then they said:

"Why are you losing? Its just a simple game."

That hurt me again.

So i told them:

"Not everyone is a pro."

And somehow we started arguing.

IN A FREAKING GAME-

After that we talked through TikTok and i explained the whole story to them again.

They said: "Well its not my fault im good."

And:"You should play more. Im naturally good at it."

I know theyre not responsible for being good at games.

But because of everything that had already happened, those words hit me really hard.

I broke down and took another break.

The biggest thing is that ALL of these games were comfort games for me.

They werent just random games i played.

They were things i genuinely enjoyed.

I could play them when i was bored, when i wanted to relax, when i wanted to get invested in a story, or when i just wanted to have fun.

But one by one, they started becoming associated with the same feeling.

Competition.

Comparison.

Jealousy.

So id play one of those games and immediately think:

"They used to play this."

And then id remember everything that happened.

Eventually i couldnt enjoy them the same way anymore.

Sometimes i even felt disgusted playing them even though i still liked them.

It felt like i was losing my comfort games.

Looking back, i think it became this cycle:

And then it happens again.

I also realized that i became way too dependent on this friendship.

When something went wrong between us, it didnt just affect the friendship.

It affected my hobbies.

My comfort games.

My mood.

Basically everything.

Thats why im trying to make new friends now.

Not because i want to replace them.

Not because i hate them.

And definitely not because i want people to bully them.

Im keeping them anonymous because i dont want this story to cause them problems.

I still care about them deeply.

And honestly i never meant to hurt them

I was dealing with jealousy that i didnt really know how to handle, and instead of talking about it properly, i bottled everything up until it came out in the worst ways.

And i dont think they meant to hurt me either.

Some things they said really hurt me, but i dont think they were trying to destroy my confidence or ruin my comfort games.

I think we both ended up hurting each other without actually wanting to.

I just want to have more people in my life now so that one friendship isnt my entire social life anymore.

And hopefully one day i can play those games again and just think: "This is fun."

Instead of: "They used to play this."

I want my comfort games to feel like my comfort games again.

(I use à translator cause im not good with english

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