I’m really tired
The story
I’m becoming a junior in high school soon and Im recovering from a suicide attempt. So my mom is pretty strict and especially with grades so she kept a close eye on my grades growing up and I already had excellent grades because I wanted to impress her, my world basically revolves around my mom since my dad isn’t present in my life because he had gotten married to another woman when my parents split. I kept my grades steady and I made sure to ace every test and do extra credit so my mom could praise me, she bragged about me to the rest of my family and it felt good. It wasn’t until I started high school she began to pressure me more, I didn’t have a lot of friends because I studied during breaks and lunches for upcoming tests. I had also joined clubs and a sport in my freshman year, it made me tired but I wanted to hear my mom say that I did so amazing and I’m so smart. In my sophomore year is when I felt like I began to have a hard time because I felt so isolated from the other students having fun but all I could think about is my mom. And when one of my grades dropped to a letter down in my classes my mom saw and got really mad at me at home she lectured that B’s will get me nowhere in life, I’m acting lazy like my dad and she didn’t give birth to failures. And I just cried and said I’ll do better next time and my mom just said “One of these days you won’t get to have a next time.” And after that day she took my phone and laptop away to help me focus better but she had also started to talk down at me even when i wasn’t doing anything and complain loudly in the house enough so I can hear and feel guilty. I’m not close with anyone in our family either so I couldn’t tell anyone about this. Teachers praised me but I wasn’t comfortable enough, I didn’t know how to cope so I resulted in harming myself for some dumb mistake I did in a test. I don’t want to get into too much detail about how I attempted but all I could think about is when I woke up in the hospital bed with my mom crying next to me asking why I did that and why i didn’t tell her. I just wanted her to hug me and tell me it’s okay. But I’m in therapy now I still love my mom and I’m grateful for her taking care of me playing both parts as a single parent and I’m okay, a little numb because it felt surreal that I did that.
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Points of view
Whoa, that's a heavy load you're carrying!! I can totally relate to feeling like you're in a pressure cooker with no way out. It's wild how family dynamics play into our mental health and well-being. I mostly agree with you that it's hard to please everyone all the time!!! But maybe your mom doesn't realize the impact of her words; it's not easy breaking through to parents about mental health stuff, believe me, I've been there. I hope therapy helps you find some peace in all this; sometimes, just venting to someone who gets it makes a huge difference. You're doing your best, and that's all anyone can ask for; keep pushing through.
Man, sounds like a real tough situation. I mostly agree that the pressure your mom's putting on you is too much. It can mess with your head when all that matters is grades; I've been there, and it's not fun. It seems like she's living through your achievements without seeing how it's affecting you. It's easy for people to say "just talk to her," but I know that's not always possible or easy. I remember dealing with similar stress, and it took a toll on me too. Just remember that grades aren't everything, even if it feels like they are right now. Hopefully, things get better, and therapy helps you manage all this chaos. Hang in there!
your story sounds rough, but I gotta disagree with how you’re seeing it. putting all the blame on your mom seems a bit unfair. yes, she’s putting pressure on you, but maybe she thinks she’s doing what's best. ever consider talking to her openly about how you feel; holding it all inside just builds unnecessary tension. “One of these days you won’t get to have a next time.” might sound harsh, but maybe it’s her messed-up way of pushing you to be your best? parents can be weird like that. I remember when my dad was hard on me about grades, and I thought he just didn’t get it. turns out, he was just worried about my future. maybe cut your mom some slack and try to see where she’s coming from. keep your head up, work on communicating, and things could improve 😊.