The pit of despair

moving to this new city for a job that seemed promising felt like the start of something great. but as the days unfolded, i found myself swimming in loneliness and homesickness. every morning starts with a pit in my stomach, knowing i'll face another day alone. being in a crowded room doesn't help either, it's like i'm surrounded by people yet completely detached; it's inexplicable.

i didn't realize how much i'd miss the simple things from back home: the comfort of familiar faces, spontaneous coffee breaks with friends or just the warmth of being in a place where everyone speaks your language (literally and metaphorically). even stepping into work is daunting. while i understand the technical jargon and workflow, socially i've hit a wall; i'm struggling to connect on anything beyond surface level.

it's affecting my mental health more than i anticipated. insomnia has become a regular visitor, nights spent tossing and turning, overanalyzing every word exchanged during the day. during work hours, i feel like an automaton going through motions without any zeal or passion.. ironically enough, this was supposed to be my dream job!

people say it'll get better with time, but right now it feels like i'm stuck in an emotional limbo 😔 devoid of motivation or hope. waiting patiently for this phase to pass seems logical but eerily passive at once... trying not to lose faith but how long can one sustain such solitude? this void is consuming me.

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