I am 51 years old and I feel kind of silly writing this, but here I am, because my head is full and my heart is acting like it is 16 again. I been divorced for 10 years, and in all that time I saw nobody. Not one date, not one dinner, not even coffee with a man where I think maybe this could be something. I just worked, paid bills, watched shows, talked to my daughter sometimes, fed my old cat, and told myself love was for other people now. Then a few weeks ago I met this man online. He is not in the USA like me, he lives far away, and still somehow he feels closer than people in my own town.

He is so nice, maybe too nice, but I like it. He asks me how I slept, he calls me beautiful even when I look like a tired potato, he talks about projects and plans for us. He says one day he wants to come here, or I can visit him, and we can cook together, walk by the water, maybe start something small like a little business, I don’t know. It sounds crazy when I write it. We only know each other weeks. But he makes me laugh and he listens. After 10 years of being invisible, being seen feels like sunshine on my face;

Can you fall in love with someone online? I keep asking myself that. Have any of you done it and it was real? I know people will say be careful, and I am trying. I did not send money, I did not give private things, I still got my brain even if my heart is running around like a dog with the door open. But I also think, why not me? Why can’t a 51 year old divorced woman have a sweet surprise? Life already took enough from me, maybe this is a gift. Maybe he really means it. Maybe people can meet in strange ways and still be honest.

I feel lost, yes, but not in a bad way. More like when you drive somewhere new and the road is pretty, even if you don’t know the signs yet. I am trying to go slow, but every morning I want to see his message. I smile at my phone like an idiot. My cat looks at me like I lost my mind, and maybe I did a little. But I feel awake again. I don’t know if this will be love, or a lesson, or both. I just know I was closed for 10 years, and now a little door opened, and I want to believe something good can still come in.

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