Hopeless romantic seeks guidance for "situationship?"
The story
Ok, here we go...I'm stuck in this rut of how do I proceed from here kind of thing. In a nutshell, I've been friends with this guy for about 4-5 years now, but we really started becoming best friends over the last two years. We're both in our 30s. About 7 months ago we started really hanging out more and having weekend movie watching sessions and dinners. He would reach out to me more then and engage in conversation, as well as asking to hang out. We never got past the cuddling stage, but I could definitely feel the chemistry and attraction between us. I know we were both holding back because I was just finishing up a divorce and I wasn't yet officially single. About 5 months ago, I got brave and admitted having feelings for him. We are both very open with each other about anything on our minds. The conversation was cordial, but he stated that he didn't know if he felt that way about me and wanted to "cool" things off because of the fact the divorce wasn't official yet. I completely understood from a moral perspective and respected that (not looking for judgement on this though). The kicker part is when we continued the convo, I flat out asked if he would ever see a future with us in it or if the idea of "us" is out of the question. He said he didn't know, and couldn't see into the future, but he wasn't going to close the door on the idea of there being an "us". He also is the type of person who would say if there wasn't a chance. So naturally, you can see how this gave me hope.
We didn't hang out as much after that and we still don't as frequently, BUT here's the kicker part(s): we still talk almost every day (even if he's not as talkative as he was in the beginning when things felt newer), he still confides in me, I still get invited to go with him to visit with his parents every other weekend (his parents/family loves me), we'll get quick dinners together, he's gifted me several things in the last two months, etc. Basically what is missing from before is the amount of quality alone time we get. Maybe he isn't committing to that because he doesn't want to give the wrong impression, but when we aren't in a busy phase at work/life, he will actually reach out suggesting getting back into watching shows together. I also wonder if he doesn't want to jump into anything because I'm still only a couple months divorced and he doesn't want to give others the impression that I got divorced to be with him (which isn't the case. he was not the reason for my divorce in the least)
SO THIS IS WHERE I'M STUCK. I'm so smitten with him, and have never felt this way about anyone, and don't have anyone else in my life, so on one hand I kind of say to myself, I'll take what I can get. On the other hand, I wish I could just walk away and give it some distance to let him figure out if he wants me to be that special someone in his life. He hasn't been in a relationship in A WHILE, so part of me also wonders if he's just super used to his solidarity and is really out of practice. My mind always asks myself, if there was no possibility of us being a thing, wouldn't he have just said that there was no possibility of that instead of saying he wasn't "closing the door" on that potential? Also, if there wasn't the possibility, why would he go to the lengths he does with certain things still? IDK! These are things that I feel people our age wouldn't do if they were "just friends" with each other and my close friends/family agree.
If you've gone through something like this, or had someone you know go through this, or you're genuinely just good at reading people and situations and have advice/opinions to offer, I'm all ears!
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Points of view
It seems like you're in a bit of a gray area here, but I think sometimes people just enjoy the company and comfort of someone familiar without necessarily wanting to take it further; however, as the great philosopher once said, "You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take," so maybe it's worth having a heart-to-heart conversation with him to clarify where things stand?
honestly, this guy sounds like he's stringing you along. i've dealt with people who can't make up their minds and it's exhausting. if he really wanted to be more than friends, he'd have made a move by now. trust me, keeping someone in limbo isn't fair—either he's in or out. personally, i'd say give yourself some space to figure out what *you* want without his mixed signals clouding your judgment. 🙄
It sounds like this guy is really valuable to you, but the mixed signals are messing with your head; maybe it's time to focus on yourself for a bit and see if stepping back helps him realize what he wants too!
it's a tough spot you're in for sure, feeling all these intense emotions but getting that back-and-forth vibe from him. seems like there might be deeper feelings on both sides, but maybe he's just processing stuff slower than you are. sometimes ppl need more time to figure out their own emotional landscape. and it could be he’s genuinely afraid of messing up something good by diving into a relationship when things are still kinda fresh with your divorce. 😕 giving it some patience might help, but also don't forget to prioritize your own happiness and well-being while you wait this out!
Honestly, it sounds like you're overanalyzing and reading too much into his actions! maybe he genuinely values your friendship but doesn't see it evolving into more...
Hey, I totally get where you're coming from! It sounds like a classic case of "what are we," and those can be super tricky to navigate; when my best friend went through something similar, she realized sometimes people just need more time to sort out their feelings. Your guy seems genuinely invested in you as a person, which is definitely a green flag, but it’s tough he hasn’t made up his mind yet. Staying friends while also subtly exploring other aspects of your life might open doors you didn't expect—who knows what new adventures could come from that! Maybe try finding ways to enjoy the time together without too many expectations hanging over it, because life's short and sometimes it's the journey that's worth holding onto rather than racing towards an outcome. Plus, keep in mind how important self-care is during times like this; make sure you're not losing sight of your own happiness outside of this dynamic!
it appears you're caught in a precarious dilemma where emotional investment and ambiguous signals are interwoven; while his actions suggest a level of affection, they lack the definitive commitment you seem to seek.
I totally get how confusing this can be, but sometimes the best thing is just to lay everything out on the table and have an honest chat about where you both stand; it's like one of those moments in a rom-com where clarity comes only after everyone talks openly—and who knows, maybe it'll clear things up or help you decide what your next move should be!