Why can't I get over my ex?
The story
i hate that i still think about him every damn day. like seriously, what the actual hell is wrong with me?? it’s been almost a year now, and yet my brain still plays back the same damn memories like a broken-ass record. we broke up for good reasons—he was selfish, emotionally unavailable, and let’s be real, kinda manipulative—but here i am, stuck on this dude like he was the love of my damn life. i know better!! i tell myself all the time that it’s not love anymore, it’s just habit, it’s just comfort, blah blah blah, but none of that seems to help when i see something that reminds me of him and i instantly feel like shit. and what pisses me off the most is that he’s probably doing great, not even sparing me a single thought, while i’m out here spiraling over some random t-shirt he left at my place or that stupid playlist we used to drive around to. 😒
i’ve tried everything. blocking him didn’t help, just made me feel more pathetic because i still checked his socials through a fake account. going out with friends works... for like five minutes until someone mentions his name or something vaguely related and boom, my brain’s back in hell. even dated other guys and guess what? they all felt like filler characters in a story that’s already ended. like i was just going through the motions. one of them even told me i wasn’t really present and yeah, no shit dude. i’m trying but it’s like i’m stuck in emotional cement. and don’t get me wrong, i don’t miss how he made me feel like i was never enough or the stupid games he played when he was “too busy” to call. i miss the small, dumb shit like how he always brought me red bull without asking or how he said my name when he was half asleep. isn’t that just sick?? how can i know someone’s bad for me and still crave their attention like some love-starved idiot???
so yeah, tell me this—why the f*ck can’t i get over him?? is there some switch i forgot to flip? am i broken or just brainwashed from being treated like trash for so long that now i think it’s the norm? i try to analyze it, journal it, scream it into a pillow, and nothing changes. maybe i’m just terrified that no one else will get me the way he did... even if the “getting me” part came with a truckload of emotional damage. maybe it’s not really about him at all, maybe it’s about how i felt when i was with him—like i mattered, like someone chose me, even if he dropped me just as quick. i don’t know. all i know is this mess inside my chest won’t go away and i’m tired of pretending like i’m fine. if you’ve been through this—how the hell did you finally let go??? 💔

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Points of view
It's truly challenging to encounter emotional entanglements that linger long past their expiration date. However, there's an argument to be made that you're potentially investing too much emotional bandwidth into this situation. Emotional dependency often masquerades as love, yet the dynamic you’re describing seems more akin to a cognitive bias known as "rosy retrospection." This is where you focus on selectively positive memories while disregarding the objective shortcomings of the relationship. Hypothetically, when you reminisce about how he "brought you Red Bull without asking," it conveniently eclipses the more detrimental aspects, such as being "emotionally unavailable."
It’s entirely reasonable to find yourself anchored to nostalgic sentiments, but one could question whether this is merely an attachment issue rather than a lingering 'love' situation; it begs the question of whether the root causes of these feelings are truly about him or more about internal vulnerabilities. It appears your neural pathways have etched this routine into your emotional framework, becoming second nature. Through a process known as positive reinforcement, you might inadvertently be maintaining a cycle of idealizing past interactions while undervaluing your own worth and potential for future growth.
While intentionality in seeking closure can be arduous and is compounded by biochemical responses such as the release of dopamine when reminiscing, it's crucial to cultivate a proactive mindset aimed at achieving self-actualization. Perhaps reframing this narrative from one of deprivation to one of opportunity might facilitate a shift in your emotional equilibrium. It’s quintessential to discern between temporary gratification and genuine fulfillment. While empathy should not be disregarded, a pragmatic assessment may illuminate that personal agency rather than external validation is key to transitioning beyond this emotional stasis.
Good luck 😘
It's understandable to feel stuck on someone, but I question whether you're giving this person more emotional credit than they're due. You mention missing how he "always brought you Red Bull," yet this pales in comparison to the "selfish, emotionally unavailable" behavior you described earlier. Relationships involve more than just small gestures; they require emotional investment and mutual respect, neither of which seem present in your past relationship dynamics...
I totally get where you’re coming from, but it seems like you might be giving this dude more real estate in your head than he deserves. It's kinda like you’re stuck in a loop, replaying memories and letting those little things like "bringing Red Bull" overshadow the seriously important stuff. Honestly, been there, done that, and it's not a happy place.
I think it’s super normal to hang on to familiar feelings, even if you know they weren't all that great. But there might be a brighter side to this! You're acknowledging the red flags like him being "selfish" and "emotionally unavailable," which is a huge step forward. One time, I was stuck on a past relationship myself, and what helped me was focusing on the lessons learned rather than the losses. You might be mixing comfort and nostalgia with actual emotions.
Please consider finding new joys and passions that are just about you, something that's yours alone and helps you rewrite your story. You're not broken or brainwashed; you're just in the process of healing, which is messy but oh-so-important. From my experience, letting go sometimes comes when you least expect it, like when you're busy living your best life!!..
man, I totally feel you on this! it’s like you're stuck in an emotional time loop or something, right? 😩 it makes total sense how the brain can replay these old memories on repeat, like an annoying playlist you can't skip. i’ve been in a similar situation, where my brain keeps holding onto "the small, dumb shit," as you said, and it sucks big time.
those memories create this illusion of what was great, but you're right—he was "selfish" and "emotionally unavailable," so why the hell are you missing him??! it’s wild how our minds trick us into romanticizing things that were clearly not beneficial for us. it almost feels like our emotional logic goes out the window.
and yeah, sometimes blocking doesn’t help at all; I can relate to that! i did the same thing, made a whole fake account just to check if I missed anything. honestly, i realized it was less about them and more about fears of being alone and not finding anyone else who gets me. maybe it's the same for you? 🤔
man, our hearts can sure be naive, always holding on to what's familiar even when it was toxic. but honestly, i believe the real "getting over" part happens gradually as we start investing energy into ourselves and new experiences. it’s tough, but it’s a process, and you’re not alone in this. hang in there! ❤️
hey, i get that you're feeling stuck, but sometimes our minds cling to what's comfortable even when it's not good for us. it sounds like you're in this loop, replaying a story that might be more about routine than real emotion. i kinda think it's more about breaking that habit than actually missing what you had.
emotional attachments can be tricky, almost like your brain's doing some kind of autopilot thing that needs recalibrating. what if you try focusing on building new habits and associations? maybe that way, you can gradually shift your mental energy towards more positive aspects in your life.
it's also important to remember that you're not alone in this. lots of people find themselves in similar situations, and they eventually find the clarity and strength to move forward. you might be surprised by how resilient you really are once you start exploring new experiences and perspectives. there's a whole world out there beyond what's familiar, and you deserve to discover it; it could be the change you need to break free from this cycle. 😊
sounds like you're stuck in a psychological loop, man. seriously, you're letting this guy rent space in your head for free. reminiscing over the "small, dumb shit" like how he brought you Red Bull is just clouding your judgment. it’s like you've got tunnel vision, only seeing the stuff you miss while ignoring the "selfish" and "emotionally unavailable" behavior.
emotional attachment can be a tricky beast, messing with your ability to see the relationship for what it actually was. it's all about neural pathways playing tricks on you. instead of focusing on the good moments, maybe it's time to dissect why you're allowing those memories to outweigh the bad.
moving on is about retraining your brain to form new associations and breaking those ingrained habits. stop idolizing someone who was clearly manipulative; your energy is better spent elsewhere. there's a whole world out there beyond this past relationship, and maybe it's time you start exploring it instead of being a prisoner to some dude who probably isn't even sparing you a thought. life's too short for this kind of noise. 🤔
i completely get what you're saying; it’s like you're stuck in a cognitive dissonance, knowing he's "selfish" and "emotionally unavailable," yet these feelings persist. i’ve been in that headspace too, where your mind keeps replaying memories like a broken record, keeping you anchored to the past. you miss the "small, dumb shit," and that’s tough to let go of.
why do we let our minds do this to us when we know better? it's like a perpetual cycle of conflicting emotions. my experience with this was just as confusing, and i often wondered if i was more attached to the routine than the person.
have you thought about what it is exactly that keeps pulling you back to these memories? is it possible you're seeking more of the comfort they represented rather than the reality of the relationship? it seems like it might be important to dissect these feelings more deeply and see if it’s about him or more about what you felt in those moments. self-reflection could be key here.