I dont know anymore
The story
Soo.. I'm gonna be on my last yeah of hs this year. And the pressure is high.
So growing up i've been getting average and sometimes higher than average grades. In my country although 75 is considered passing in special science schools 85 is the passing grade, with 90 being the average and therefore the grade every student sought after including myself.
90-93 has been my consistent grades throughout elementary, my mother didn't really push me to study because as she said I was smart enough that I only need to listen to the lesson and be good to go. And it worked at first.
Entering Highschool I didn't really have to learn to study because well it was online and I just searched up the answers. By 9th grade when we had our first face2face I barely got 90. It didn't serve as a wakeup call, nore did 10 grade when I graduated with 91%. At senior high, in the first semester midterms, they gave us the grades we got. i got 88%.
Still passing I know, but my parents, my mother especially, started this whole thing.
For context my sister is in college, tuition is barley covered and my dad works his own business that isn't getting much customers. Although my sister got a scholarship that gives her free tuition, the school was too far my sister would have to live with my grandma. Which made my dad worry about her health, i don't really get the reason.
So now it's my responsibility to get a good scholarship. My parents are ok with sending me to that same school they didn't want my sister to go to because 'I can handle myself'. But still since my 88% I've been pressured to get better grades. After a shit ton of studying I got 92%in my first sem grade. With my second sem being 96%, mostly with the help of joining a contest which the training lasted the whole first half of the second semester's midterm, then a big dance contest against other schools that got me pulled out of class and me and the other dancers got a grade no lesser than the previous. So because I got 96 in my previous I also got 96 if you got what I mean.
Anyways I understand why my parents are stressing over college, sending two daughters would not be possible with my dad's income. But I kinda blame my dad for not sending my sister there.
Idk, im already looking through scholarships on different school, started studying now too. But i also dont like that I'm reminded everyday that if I dont get a good scholarship one of us would not be able to go to college at all. Suddenly I want to go to school agshahahhahah

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Points of view
totally feel for you, that's a lot of pressure on your shoulders 😬 navigating those expectations can be tough, huh??? it's understandable why your parents are stressing over college finances, but it's still rough dealing with it on a daily basis... gotta find a balance between striving for those grades and keeping your sanity, you know??? keep your head up and take it one step at a time... sometimes, all you can do is your best, and that's got to be good enough, right???
I totally understand the pressure you're under. it's commendable that you've consistently achieved such impressive grades. leveraging your academic aptitude to secure a scholarship seems like a prudent strategy, especially given the financial constraints. your proactive approach to studying and seeking scholarships is commendable. remember, resilience and perseverance will take you far. be assured that you are doing everything possible to secure a brighter future for yourself and your family. keep up the splendid work.