I'm losing my ability and adulthood probably will suck

I feel as if my artistic vibe and energy is going, for drawing? I'm focusing on a doll, but I don't even draw a bit now. I only drew for school projects, a friend, and now for a poster, but not personal reasons like earlier, and I'm working on a doll of mine. What's happening? And for 3 months earlier I stopped drawing at all, and rarely did it, so what's happening? Am I losing my ability? Am I losing interest in the one thing I was good at? Am I gonna end up like my dad who's jaded with art and now he's into speakers and more on work? Is my imagination gonna go away, just like dad says his went away? Am I just gonna become as jaded as an adult, and not like anything creative? I'm only creating a doll! It's not drawing, it's just a doll! With eye's I made which look weird! If I had UV resin, a silicone mold, and decal pupils, it would've ended up better, but I used clay and paint, and it looks so weird. Man, I'm not even good at the new thing. And when I sealed her face paint with liquid glue because I didn't have varnish, it looked fine, but near her mouth she had open spaces and it looked like pimple scarring...it was a plastic doll from the stores, since I can't find even the doll the main artists use in my area (Monster High) and when I do it's too expensive, and the head was some material (vinyl). Maybe I'll just ditch the doll and become an adult with 0 imagination. I may be doing the wig, but it's trash. I don't even have all the hair colors. Isn't growing up just realizing that these hobbies won't help you in the future, and that no adult does art. No serious adult does that, they do taxes, work 9-7 (where I live), hunch their backs, binge coffee, reminisce about their wasted life, marry their spouse out of obligation and same with kids, drink beer, smoke, work on a computer job, argue. I guess in India Out 2, Joy is right, she's right when she says, "I guess when you grow up, you feel less joy." Heck, even my dad's only hobby is speakers, but even then he says he lost interest in his art and just focused on work. And all I see him is slog, have neck pain and shoulder pain and, drink coffee, yell with colleagues, and sleep. And if this is adult joy, I won't hesitate to kill myself at 18, because we all have the same ending, death. I'm just saying, suicide is justified, don't we all die at some point? And if you have any ideas, wanna help me smoothly do it so at least it doesn't hurt?

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