I never wanted to go to the class trip, and frankly no one ever forced me, but my mom just signed me up and said she will NOT find out about how she can cancel it. My mom has a tendency of being very emotional and hysterical at times, and she really made a mess about that whole thing. And if you know the stress of contacting a teacher, let alone one that is anxious about not having enough people on the trip... Yeah, I folded.

I didn't expect such betrayal from mom, but I went on the trip nonetheless, I had no choice. And, it was pretty much what I expected.

I can't say I'm actively bullied in this school in particular, but the way I've been acting throughout middle school has sealed my reputation as a really easy-to-hurt clumsy softie that constantly needs to be taken care of. Though that narrative really died down recently, and it would've stayed decaying had it not been for this trip and a reunion with an ex-classmate that left a year ago and therefore still had that perception of me. My one friend and the one I'm just okay with constantly hang with that one guy and I really feel left out.

This niche little thing matters to me so much I can't not cry. Every day also feels excruciatingly long, the trip lasts a week, and it's only my second day! I can't leave early, cause I'm in a different fucking city, so I'm just kinda trapped bubbling up my emotions here texting it all away in this one forum!

I also have to mention this is all during a WEEK-LONG SCHOOL BREAK. Like, I'm not even skipping school by attending this, just ruining a bunch of free time I've REALLY been needing! I have a song to write, videos to make, and a lot more I've felt like doing for a LONG while without having the opportunity to do so. This could've been my chance, but alas, I suppose my life's been a bit too great, and it had to have been ruined somehow.

Thanks for reading, it matters a lot, truly

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