IS THIS OKAY? in need of genuine opinions
The story
Hey there, thank you so much for taking your time to read this, please do share your opinions on this post, thank you so much!
I am an engineering student who's just finished the 2nd semester. I have OCD and trying to control it is very difficult and obviously has caused problems. I started having issues with it in high school, my academics were very much affected because of it. Yeah, so after high school I decided to take engineering for my UG. I may seem very childish for having such feelings but college was DIFFICULT, I am very well aware that college is HARD, my OCD made it difficult for me to handle of what was considered normal to other students (I am sure other students have their own problems so, lets keep that in mind). I couldn't make friends throughout both the semesters because of the times I reacted to certain situations emotionally (such as mood swings, yelling at someone) which made others feel uncomfortable around me. I would like to state that during that period my medication changed very often and I think that could be my reason of being an emotional mess. I noticed my classmates avoiding me, which is fair. But by then I caused so much attention that everyone in the college knew something was wrong with me. I tried explaining the stuff along with my father only to make it worse(I am very grateful to have such a father who was doing his very best to support his child) I became annoying to everyone. Exams happened, those were terrible times for me (everyday was, but this was more) I was very anxious and I think i fainted 3 times during the 2nd sem. My academics were awful, I was basically in the guilt of shame but I also couldn't let myself feel anything because of my compulsions. I know that my parents never deserved to have a kid like myself, I am so sorry. At home I often argued with everyone over silly things it made me feel very clear that I am the problem and I did not know how to regulate my emotions, my parents were concerned about the amount of medication I was taking and making everyone's life a living hell just because of my delusional intrusive thoughts. My family is doing their very best to deal with me, I am really grateful that they care about me in their own way, they are also handling the finances for my need. I know that I am a shitty person. After the end of the 2nd semester exams I couldn't handle the pressure of me being so very pathetic at everything that I decided to take a year long break because EVERYTHING was so bad. I am sorry for that shitty line. I told my parents that I was NOT going to drop out from college but take a break instead and obviously that hurt them a lot because they have spent so much on me and these are the repercussions for their good deeds. I fought with them and they decided to give up on me. As of now I am not going to the college because of my mental health, but it just hurts so much when the people you love tell you that all these years you were just pretending to get attention. I am also in the wrong and I feel terrible for everyone, my parents didn't deserve to have such a cowardly child. I just wanna know if I am in a condition to actually go to college because WHY DOES EVERYTHING FEEL LIKE SHIT, or is it me that's forcing myself into thinking stuff?
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Points of view
It sounds like you've had a rough time juggling your mental health and academics, which is understandable given the complexity of OCD. While it's easy to be hard on yourself, remember that taking a year off could actually be beneficial in giving you space to focus on your well-being. Many students take breaks for various reasons, and it doesn't mean you're failing. Engineering can wait; your health comes first. Talking openly with professionals about how you feel might also bring some clarity. Don't lose hope: progress often comes from small steps over time.
Thank you so much for your kind words!
No problem! Just remember that taking care of your mental health is a process and it's okay to feel worn out sometimes. Keep pushing forward, even when it feels tough. You're not alone in this struggle.
i don't think you are giving yourself enough credit for how hard you're trying; dealing with OCD during college sounds incredibly challenging, especially with medication changes;;; i know it's easy to feel like a burden but remember your struggles are valid and you deserve support too. taking a break to focus on mental health isn't cowardly, sometimes stepping back is essential for healing and reassessing priorities, so maybe try not to be too harsh on yourself?
hey there, first off, it's really brave of you to share your story. sounds like you've been through a lot. being in engineering school is tough enough, and having ocd on top of that makes it way more challenging; i've seen some close friends struggle with similar situations and it can definitely feel overwhelming at times.
you're not childish for finding college difficult! it's a huge change and stressor for many people, with or without any additional challenges. taking a year-long break could actually be a smart move, gives you some space to focus on managing your mental health without the pressure of coursework hanging over. plus, your health should always come first before anything else (even if others don't fully get it).
your feelings about your family resonate with me because sometimes those we love do not quite understand (or they misunderstand)our intentions but i'm sure they care deeply even when things get tense; adjustments take time and patience from everyone involved. hang in there... 🌻
taking a year off sounds like a courageous decision, one that prioritizes your mental health above the societal pressure to keep pushing through. it's rough when it feels like everything's caving in, but sometimes stepping back is what we need to gain perspective. i've been in a similar boat where the medication changes threw me for a loop; gave me space to reassess my approach to handling stress. do you have any plans on how you'll use this time away from college to address some of these feelings? maybe exploring interests outside of academics could help reignite some positivity✨
Maybe taking a year off is actually what you need to figure things out?
That's a good point, sometimes breaks help!!
sounds like you're stuck in a loop where everything feels overwhelming and the pressure just keeps building, especially with how college can amplify all those stressors.
Hey! It really sounds like you're going through a whole lot right now, and juggling that with school is just brutal; taking a break seems like a smart move. Honestly, don't be too hard on yourself for needing time to sort things out. Sometimes we need to hit pause to come back stronger, and it says a lot about you that you're acknowledging where you need help. I remember when I was in college, feeling overwhelmed like nothing made sense, but stepping away gave me the clarity I needed; maybe it'll do the same for you. Your parents might take some time to understand your choice, but just because there's distance now doesn't mean they're forever disappointed. Keep holding onto those moments of gratitude you mentioned! the support they give is big, even if it's tough sometimes.
Man, it feels like you're being too hard on yourself. College is intense and going through OCD and all that stuff with medication changes just piles it on; trust me, feeling overwhelmed doesn't make you a coward. I pushed through relentless stress at one point and ignoring my own mental health only made things worse later. Maybe this break will let you breathe and slowly figure things out. Give yourself the space to rediscover what brings you joy outside of this chaos of college programs for now.
man, it’s okay to feel like everything's spiraling when you're dealing with so much at once; taking a break from school ain't the end of the world, and it's definitely not selfish to focus on getting your mental health sorted first.
omg why do u feel like ur pretending i dont get it... is it the meds or wat? idk if college is the problem or not how are students supposed 2 handle this.
I think it's the meds messing everything up tbh...
UPDATE: People around me didn't like the idea, so I am going back to college.....smh
Sorry to hear that. Maybe taking time for yourself isn't a bad idea if that's what you need, even if others don't fully understand it. It can be tough trying to explain your feelings and decisions to people who just can't see your perspective.
Well I tried explaining about how I felt, they didn't buy it and were really pissed when I took the stance. I hate this, like after I casually just said "yeah, I'll go to college instead of a break" they were soooo happy. They even said things like I could still take a break, and don't pay attention to them being oppressive but it's soooo obvious that it is just TALK.
That really sucks, and it feels so fake when they act supportive but don't mean it. It's like they're saying one thing and showing the complete opposite. It shouldn't be this hard to get them to understand what you really need.