I'm fed up with talking about my boss. I've already talked about him far too much. I want to dedicate myself to other things, write about other things, do other things, not just write. My life isn't just about words, and in fact, I feel like they're picking up on my boredom elsewhere and trying to force me into it. I don't want to be involved with anything. There's a girl there too who doesn't care much about her appearance—well, they don't care about it, they just let themselves go, they smoke. I find them awful, a terrible influence, and I'm tired of terrible influences. I don't even want to go out anymore. I'm not interested in hanging around those areas anymore. I want to finally start talking in a way that I like, that I want to talk about. I want to try new experiences, but I don't know what else to do. I'm tired of analysis and analysis and analysis, of words, words, words, and more screens. I want to do something new, something that involves action. My friend isn't here; she's on vacation from the office. I'd like to experience sex, love, friendship, affection, and all that. I feel, in a way, like someone re-entering the world, renewed and capable of doing different things. I feel that this group I'm talking about could cause me problems, and in a way, it's somewhat appealing, but that's because I'm tired of being alone. In fact, I want to keep writing, as I always do. I write and write, but I don't want anyone to pull me out of this. It already happened once when I was going on a trip with someone, and they pulled me out. It was a girl who was in trouble, and I don't want any more trouble, I don't want any more troublemakers. And I can't keep acting like I'm the toughest guy like I always have. I need peace, tranquility, even though I sometimes feel like anything, anything at all, is a possible escape, and I feel like that's what's happening with my friend.

I feel like I'm writing my entire experience again, from beginning to end of these last few moments, but I have nothing else to do, I don't know where to turn. I feel like I should search online for information, but I'm also tired of constantly being informed. I feel tired of life itself, of my life, the way I live it. I feel like life in this society doesn't offer anything new to me, and I confess, I feel strangely about other people. I feel completely different from everyone. I have to admit, I feel like an exception, someone who has done within their family what they've also done outside. In that sense, I feel like a complete, established person, and I don't think anyone understands that. I feel like that group, in some way, sees me as a kind of father figure or something, and I'm tired of being everyone's father. I already have enough with my friend who's completely exhausting me. Damn, there were some really good books I saw, and I didn't pick them up, and they were taken. I feel like my feelings are completely different; it's as if I could be in the present, but I can't discern what I feel, and at the same time, I feel that it's a symmetry with my life, that I already feel I'm, somehow, above the culture, that at least I can see it, and that's why I say I'm on top, or at least from an angle that allows me to see it. I also confess that I feel saturated, overwhelmed, by many things. Regarding my boss, I feel that I'm somehow repulsive in every sense, that I make him feel that being with me is impossible, that I'm not good for him, that I don't like him, and that I don't tell him to his face, something to which he gives in, clumsily, he gives in, he has to, and that's his worst weakness. He defends himself with my friend, but not with me.

I feel like I'm writing down everything I'm managing to highlight that I think, that it's above what I feel, that it's like a kind of crust on my head, and that it makes me need new adventures, to be open. Those guys sound like an option, but I'm not convinced. I feel like the office is boring now; it's the same old thing. Well, it's only because of my friend that things are different. I feel like my friend isn't there; everything is boring, to be honest. Everything is so monotonous, so the same, so... I feel like I need her, I feel like I want her in my life, that my life isn't the same without her, that going back to how things were is boring, that being without her makes nothing feel alive anymore. With her, there was excitement, coordination, danger. I feel like what I've been doing for a while now is writing to get used to the time difference, but it feels radical. Wow, my boss is a total failure, I don't want him in my life and nobody does, he's unbearable, a person who lives by believing that because you know him, you're already tied to him, and it's a nuisance, the guy even thinks he's like a father to you and that's not the case, when the tragedies happened in my country I didn't even ask about him.

My boss is the kind of guy I don't want in my life, never will, and will never appreciate. In fact, I recently proved to him that all his efforts to "save" me had failed. I went on vacation without him even saying goodbye. There wasn't the slightest bit of empathy; everything between us had been destroyed, completely ruined. There's nothing left between us, and the worst part is that everyone supports him. He can't just get rid of me; he has to live with me and tolerate me. In short, it's the ultimate demoralization for any boss: when things don't go his way, when his interests aren't served. In fact, he's literally lost everything in our community. Nobody cares about him anymore; nobody's going to stand up for him. Everything he could do fell to pieces, and in the most humiliating way possible: by meddling in a relationship that wasn't his. Driven by his insecurities, he got involved in something that wasn't him, something he tried to destroy at all costs, all in an effort to protect himself from problems. This showed that his focus wasn't just on work, because there were things there too, but also on his social life. I did everything I could to ensure that his macho, dictatorial, and self-serving style became the cause of his own downfall, and to this day, it serves him no purpose whatsoever. He's an absolute failure in life. He has no image, no popularity, he doesn't even have a job; the one he has now is completely fictitious. He's ended up in my shoes, where I didn't know what to hold onto, just like he pretended to be with me and then tried to intervene by any means necessary, taking advantage of my disorientation to get rid of me. In other words, he wasn't interested in my life, even though he had promised that I would be his secretary. However, now I'm not interested in his either, I don't care, and I'm not going to do anything to save him from the consequences of others. Unlike him, my image doesn't depend on his, and I tried to prove otherwise.

Those shifts in rhetoric, those games of meddling in my affairs, that tendency to have a foothold in my own business at the expense of my own safety, is precisely what led to this downfall. I thought I was the one with the least defense because I wasn't clearly protected, but it was precisely in that imposition that the weaknesses were exposed, and where I could move about freely, because he also had no legal recourse, but I did. In principle, coexistence is a matter of duty and depends on each individual, not on a specific action. This guy thrives on marginalization and elitism, but that has changed. He doesn't know what he's doing, where he's going, or the price of his decisions; he's simply creating chaos in his environment, radically turning against himself, causing my friend, who was there before, to assume her role in a well-defined and thoughtful way. I retain my role, but now it's with her, not with my boss. Ironically, the fact that there is nothing defined for me doesn't mean he has to defend me more than give orders, but in that spirit there is nothing more than support for work in my boss and only for work, that is, for what makes him make products and only that.

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