IDK what category to put this in……
The story
I hope the category I chose is okay. This whole year I’ve been struggling for the first time in my life with depression. Not just feeling down but actually depression. Where thoughts of kms pop into my head and when they do they aren’t scary.
I’m so lonely. I have a partner but I don’t have any friends. I can’t seem to make friends. My family does not reach out to me. I have a full-time job but even there I don’t feel close to or really interact with anyone. I know that this loneliness is my fault.
I became so desperate for attention that I tried PAYING someone to GAF. And even then I don’t receive attention that I need. I don’t want to ask for it I want people to WANT to talk to me, to do stuff with me, to hang out with me. My partner comes home from work and is tired and wants to unwind with playing games which is not an unfair thing to want at all, I understand and accept that. But that doesn’t help me feel less lonely.
My love language is physical touch and I crave this so bad. To be wanted. To be desired. To feel beautiful. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to die but I can’t go on with this loneliness much longer. Anytime I talk to my partner about this I end up feeling worse. I have started treatment to get help but it’s not leading anywhere and I’m located in the US where it’s so hard to find mental health care. I tried using a crisis line but it’s AI run so I didn’t feel better with it and ended up just abandoning the chat. I’m so lost. I’m so lonely. I just needed to rant to someone…..
Stories in the same category
Points of view
have to say, it's pretty rough you're paying someone for attention and not feeling fulfilled... that’s a punch in the gut, isn’t it??? honestly, as much as i want people to just naturally reach out and connect, sometimes taking a proactive approach might surprise you. maybe try joining a local club or hobby group where there's shared interest??? when you’re invested in the same activity, conversations tend to start up easier. plus, i've found that while therapists/coaches aren't friends per se, investing time in finding one who vibes with you can be game-changing. exploring is frustrating but sometimes necessary 😕 hang on tight!!
therapist sucks. dont waste your money. yea sometimes they help but you just feel this boundary that makes it feel robotic i guess. i suggest that you talk to people online. Most of them are looking for a relationship but you'd be shocked at how many people you can connect with and find same interest. That's what I've been doing. And one more, don't be too confined to your partner. Talk to people whenever you can. live more freely. Might sound like a bad advice but just do what you want. if you wanna talk lets talk :)). and you're beautiful don't let people say otherwise.
Therapy can feel useless sometimes, but it's worth giving another shot if he/she can find the right person...