I don't trust anyone
The story
Moving to this new city for that job opportunity (no jobs in my good old place...) felt thrilling at first, but months have rolled by and I still can't get past my own barriers. It's like I'm on a tightrope of hesitation, swirling around in my headspace, refusing to open up to colleagues or make any new friends. The impolite specter of betrayal or judgment hangs over me, invoking a constant mental storm. All I hear are those well-meaning voices saying "Take the plunge," but what if it backfires? 😅
I've tried inviting some folks over for drinks (even cooked my famous lasagna), yet the walls don't come down. I'm stuck in this loop of second-guessing everything they say or do...wondering if there's more beneath their surface kindness. You'd think after several months I'd be able to plant some roots here and maybe nurture them into something solid. But every conversation feels like smoke: it disappears before I can grasp anything meaningful from it. And it tires me out; the too-many-empty-chats with no depth leave me drained at the end of the workday. I've read somewhere once that vulnerability is strength: what's wrong with mine then? Am I just not using it properly?
