why do i want to be alone all the time?

it's kinda weird, you know? just had a birthday party the other day. i mean, everything was perfect. friends laughing, good food….the whole vibe was great;… but there i was, in the middle of all this, wishing everyone would just leave already. don't get me wrong, i love my friends, they're great company and seemed to be genuinely enjoying themselves; but as much as i tried to engage and act like the happy host, deep down i wanted to just crawl into bed and engulf in solitude.

this feeling isn't exactly new; been growing stronger over the past year. it's not your usual 'i need some me time' kind of thing; it's relentless! after every social event (even when i've enjoyed myself) there's this overpowering urge to retreat into my own space for days on end. reading somewhere once that needing alone time is healthy... but this feels different; like i'm torn between two worlds where one side wants to be surrounded by people while the other screams for isolation?! it's exhausting trying to make sense of it all... anyone else been through something similar?

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