Workplace Drama - page 2

So here I am, caught in this loop where the smallest oopsies at work turn into full-blown disasters in my mind. It's like, spill a coffee on my desk and suddenly I'm imagining getting fired and living under a bridge or something. 🤦‍♀️ My brain sure knows how to exaggerate!

It's gotten kinda ridiculous, tbh. Like today, I sent an email with the wrong attachment, just a silly mistake, right? But then I spent the next hour panicking about it. I could almost see my boss storming over to slam those dreaded words: "You're incompetent!" In reality? Nobody even noticed... 🙄

And these unhelpful thinking styles aren't limited to work stuff either. I'll be out with friends and someone says something offhandedly and bam! There I go spiraling... I'm probably overanalyzing their words as I sit quietly, nodding while inside my head it's chaos.

The thing is, I've read that these freak-out patterns are super common. Apparently, our brains love making mountains out of molehills....some kind of survival mechanism or whatever. Yet knowing it doesn't stop me from falling into the trap every time.

I guess what I'm looking for is some way to break this cycle (or at least not let it take over completely). Any tips or techniques would be awesome! Maybe there's some secret method everyone else knows about that I've missed out on? 😂

It’s honestly confusing to find myself in a situation where my feelings are tangled up with my work life. I try so hard to keep things professional, but having to interact daily with a former romantic partner makes that really tough. I wanted to maintain a strict professional attitude after we ended things, hoping to avoid any feelings that might mess with the work environment.

The real issue here is the clash between trying to keep my emotions in check and the demands of the job. This workplace requires not just skill but also a laser focus on external factors that drive business success. So, when I try to push my personal feelings aside, it turns into a daily battle for mental balance.

I recently read an article about office dynamics that highlighted the need for separating personal life from work life to boost productivity. The struggle between my private memories and the professional mask I wear gets complicated when I’m constantly near this person.

During a webinar on workplace relationships, the speaker kept stressing the benefits of cognitive dissonance. They suggested sticking to facts and avoiding introspection when dealing with past relationships who are also coworkers.

People often suggest therapy for situations like this, but finding peace while being in constant proximity to someone I used to care about takes way more than just trying to let go. It feels nearly impossible to keep things professional without losing that emotional distance. It’s so frustrating how clingy these feelings can be when I’m trying to stay focused on work, making it feel like a mountain to climb every single day.

so I finally decided to stand up to my boss. she's always nitpicking and undermining me in front of the team like she owns the place. it's time someone told her what's what. so, there I was sitting in that small, cramped office with the weird smell of old coffee, thinking about all those corny quotes from movies about standing your ground and finding your voice. I kept reminding myself: 'you got this'. but have you ever tried convincing yourself you're a badass while sweating bullets? doesn’t quite work.

anyway, I started off by saying something along the lines of 'look, if you have an issue with my work, bring it up privately instead of trashing me during meetings.' nailed it; i think.

i expected her to explode or at least snap back with some retort that would make me question all my life choices but surprisingly... she didn’t. maybe she’s human after all? however, now i'm stuck wondering whether that's gonna bite me in the butt later on...only time will tell.

i mean who knows how folks like her operate behind closed doors? maybe she’s plotting my professional demise as we speak or worse, acting all cordial only to strike when i least expect it. gotta keep my eyes peeled for daggers disguised as smiles.

at any rate, i felt good stepping out of that office... victorious even. doesn’t matter if nothing actually changes because at long last, i've stopped letting someone else mess with my vibe on a daily basis;

of course though feelings are fragile things and there's likely some fallout approaching but hey: 'nothing ventured nothing gained', right?

positive vibes ahead ✌️

sometimes it just boggles my mind how quickly a situation can escalate into uncharted emotional territory. so there i was basking in the satisfaction of having put forth what I assumed was an impeccable presentation during our recent quarterly review. even though i had prepared meticulously, taking into account every little detail and feedback from previous meetings, there was always that inkling of self-doubt poking at the edges of my confidence. nevertheless being unable to predict the aftermath with any certainty, i remained optimistic as my colleagues nodded along with seemingly genuine approval.

a few nights ago while trying to catch up on some overdue work projects late at night, i inadvertently stumbled upon one such informal video call. clumsy fingers pressed 'join' instead of 'view chat'. imagine my surprise when what unraveled before me wasn’t another monotonous meeting but rather something far more clandestine: a de facto roast specifically aimed at critiquing my presentation style choices and content selection all camouflaged under the pretense of humor among them. imagining guinea pigs aligned for discussion purposes while watching this unfold brought about feelings of both incredulity and disbelief unexpectedly hitting hard.

now needless to say feeling like part documentary-star-slash-part-specimen exposed to unnecessary scrutiny wasn't exactly desirable especially given how diligently I had worked throughout prior preparations altogether leading up until now just slipping away from remaining control over emotions altogether rendering me speechless temporarily (and a tad betrayed). then emerged real-time dilemma staying silent further downroutes accompanying questions unsolved namely brooding contemplation methodology confrontation excluding confrontation per se ironically yet providing eerily amusing details nonetheless. laughing matter? not quite sure!! 💭

We worked at a warehouse that we have to sort out boxes and packaged mail. I've(M24) been working there for about a year and I was given the "Employee of the Month" placard three weeks ago. I wouldn't say I'm the best at my job, just following instructions and make sure everybody gets their stuff organized, so the delivery vans can picked them up.

I had a co-worker (M30) that I was very fond and I say we make great friends while we're on break. We chat about what on the news together, we share webcomics, talked about online drama on YouTube, almost everything as if we completely knew from childhood. He's been in the workplace for much longer than I have and I say he has 4 years of experience on his behalf. I also heard that he never given a high position, nor an employee of the month - making things very strange! About his personality, he was very known to be to relaxed, optimistic, straightforward and very well-informed on certain topics that he likes. The only flaw I could think of that is he gets too chatty and rambles on without letting others speaks -- overtaking the lead when it supposed to be two people talking. Even though he wasn't doing it on purpose, it can be frustrating at times. Nonetheless, we have confiding with each ever through good and bad.

But all of that changes yesterday, a hectic Tuesday that is. An inspection day with association of Staples higher-ups. This was during break, due to late trailers. Because of that, we have to wait almost 2 hours for the trucks to come, making it tedious. I was already exhausted, dealing with a heavy flow but this takes the cake. (Damn second manager says I've have been "not taking care" of the back as the boxes are piling on the rails. Well, NO SHIT, SHERLOCK! I'm trying to manage the sort codes left and right while the quantity of these cardboard and wrapped shit keeps popping up fast.) Sorry for the rant, but here's the important stuff.

While we're talking about a murder case (that woman killed her three kids and got some supporters blaming her husband for the cause), he was making some pauses before trying to get some details of what he's speaking about. I was miffed as I really want to know the rest of the story, so I told him to be out with it. By the second time I told him to go on with it -- that's when everything got from zero to a hundred. We didn't have a screaming match or some other fight like that: but it was a tipping point that my annoyance pushed him to be straight up fatalistic. He started things off with: "I'm going to be a little mean but honest with you, because I've been seeing issues with you." He goes on how my behavior is very standoffish, especially when talking.

To exemplify, he brought up a previous conversation that we had a week or two ago - I was a little too enthusiastic while sharing, which attracted (Only he noticed, not me) a few glares from some part-time hires. The topic was the pointlessness of the gender wars, which I was ready to voice out my opinions on it. My coworker also brought up the day when we're still getting to know each other - he noted that I told him to "shut up" whenever he goes rambling as usual during work. Only when I wasn't being irritated by the heavy conveyor belt flow and floaty crap, he wanted to approach me.

When hearing this, I was a little hurt by those statements. Saying that I didn't tear up would be a massive lie. To be fair, the lines had me overwhelmed as I had to deal with heavy irregs and being moved from on place to another. I allowed my stress get the better of me. And another thing, I did apologize that past time as I was annoyed with the online drama which I really liked to give out my input on it in-person. I admit that I can be abrupt and impatient sometimes, but the way he phrased it sounded like I'm some pompous rich kid who wants things to be easier for him. I am a reserved and sensitive type of guy; with low-esteem issues. The idea of a man strutting with a big ego on his shoulders, overtaking conversations doesn't describe me at all. Looking back at my childhood, I never got a chance to speak what I want to say - only stuck to listening most of my life. I do have some moments that I jump into discussions out of turn, because I want to be part of a group -- to share my takes like everyone else who don't want to be sidelined as an afterthought.

The worst part was not him laying the issues of my behavior to him or my lack of awareness when speaking. It was him saying my tone telling him to finish what he had to say after pausing a few times was "condescending." That word hit me like a brick. Even when he says he doesn't think that I'm a bad person as we did open up a little at the beginning - it showed me something else: that I was a nuisance who happens to control himself a little while. Had me thinking I was the only one who thought we were cool with each other. I honestly can't look at him the same.

After when break was over, he and I went back with the others, trying to pretend that nothing happened. But even after work was over; even when I'm at home; his words still ache inside.

just got back from one of those annoying meetings where literally no one gave a damn about what i had to say. ugh! i could feel the frustration boiling over and caught myself on the verge of an angry cry. it's so crazy, especially when i usually pride myself on having my emotions in check. you know how it feels when you're tossing out suggestions like free candy at a parade and they just ignore you like your ideas are pure nonsense? gripping my pen tightly as if it was my only ally, wishing it could jab some sense into their thick heads. even a sarcastic comment might have lightened the mood or made them realize... but nope! honestly, i've always believed in keeping cool at work, minding my energy and all. but today? oh boy, that evaporated fast. they talk about fostering collaborative environments, but seriously? sometimes i'm left wondering if having a bit more patience is even worth cultivating.

i watched as they nodded along, pretending to engage while their minds were obviously elsewhere. it’s like talking to a wall, except the wall is more responsive. my ideas felt like they were bouncing off a soundproof barrier; it was disheartening. i thought maybe if i dressed up my suggestions with some enthusiasm, they'd spark interest, but that didn't happen. instead, it just felt like i was shouting into the void. i can’t be the only one who feels this way, right? sometimes, i think about how exhausting it is to keep pushing for recognition when the same old routine keeps playing out. if being treated as invisible was part of "team-playing," i’d win an award. anyway, gonna take a breather and hopefully bounce back with less steam coming out of my ears.

I am quite fed up with the constant self-doubt that plagues me in the workplace. Despite being constantly reassured by my colleagues and superiors that I am doing an exceptional job, I cannot erase this sensation of inadequacy. My recent performance evaluation was as positive as ever, but all it did was amplify my insecurities! What is the point of their praise if my own mind refuses to accept it? 'Why can't you just be satisfied with your achievements?' a voice inside me sneers.

It is frustrating beyond words when one's perception of self-worth hinges so precariously on the opinions of others. This phenomenon is often referred to as Imposter Syndrome, an experience where individuals doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud; interestingly enough, despite many professionals experiencing this at some stage in their careers, it feels intensely personal. How do others overcome this debilitating mindset while continuing to thrive in their respective fields?

A colleague once confided: 'The hardest battles are fought within,' highlighting the importance of internal validation and growth over external accolades. Yet here I am....tethered to every word spoken during appraisals or team meetings, as if they are gospel truth. What frustrates me further is how this translates into daily interactions!!! second-guessing every decision made and contribution offered.

An old mentor used to say: 'Self-awareness is key,' a phrase that rings hollow when one's awareness seems rooted in negativity rather than growth. Is there truly a way out from under these oppressive thoughts? Or are some of us destined to carry our perceived shortcomings like a ball and chain throughout our careers? In moments like these (when doubt overshadows reason) I struggle not only to find answers but also hope.

I recently moved to a new city for work and, despite my best efforts, I'm struggling to feel accepted by my colleagues. It's a small team and I often find myself on the outside looking in when it comes to inside jokes or lunch plans. Not once have I been included, even though I've gone out of my way to be friendly and open. It feels like no matter how hard I try, they just don't want me there.

Not sure if it's just me overthinking or if there's really something there. Part of me thinks that maybe they are intentionally excluding me. But then again, that's not very realistic is it? Maybe they're just used to each other and I'm simply the newcomer who hasn't fit in yet; it's not like anyone is openly hostile or anything, but the feeling of being overlooked is hard to shake.

I've tried different approaches - asking questions about their interests or sharing a bit about what I like - but nothing seems to click. Honestly, it's exhausting trying so hard only to feel like you're invisible most of the time. There are even moments where I can't help but wonder if perhaps there's something about me that's causing this disconnect. Feeling isolated in a new place isn't fun... Just need a little reassurance that things can get better.

have you ever made a decision thinking it's the right one, and then felt like maybe it wasn't the best after all? i'm in this spot now. i scored this high-paying job and thought it was gonna be my dream career! flashy title, sweet benefits, everything i always imagined. or so i thought... lately, i've been feeling kinda overwhelmed. sure, the money's great, but at what cost? i've been missing out on important family events (birthdays, anniversaries...) and even little gatherings that used to keep me connected to friends and loved ones.

isn't it crazy? how you can think something's your holy grail, and boom... reality check hits you smack in the face. now work has got me wondering if i should've made a different choice. quotes from somewhere echoing in my mind about prioritizing life balance over mysterious dreams that look solid from afar but are just exhausting up close. seriously though... these commitments have drained a lot of energy from me!

do any of you guys relate? sometimes it's tough finding clarity amid these struggles. or am I the only one dreaming about scaling down and switching gears again? when you're caught between responsibilities and possible happiness... it's exhausting! oh well?? i hope sharing this helps someone else out there as much as airing things out sometimes helps me.

I want to cry because I'm drowning under an avalanche of tasks at work, not to mention my family's endless demands. It's utterly impossible to juggle everything now, and the stress? Well, let's just say it's taken up permanent residence in my brain. Week after week, the load keeps piling on until I find myself questioning if I'm heading straight for a breakdown. It's like every email subject line screams 'urgent', accompanied by that annoying red exclamation mark. And don't even get me started on the family drama, with everyone's schedules clashing worse than colors in a bad tie-dye shirt.

The pressure is killing me, honestly. My mind's spinning more than a server struggling with too much traffic (yep, that's how it feels). I'm stuck wondering if releasing my emotions is the only option left...like some absurd failsafe when you're running out of time before a system crash. But here's the kicker: should I really have to feel this way just because my work-life balance seems as mythical as a unicorn? Everything appears so reasonable from afar until you're buried in it. Hope things turn around soon or else I'm going to blow a gasket.

hey there. so i've been really struggling with something lately. you know when a small thing happens and it just sticks in your head like peanut butter on the roof of your mouth? well, that's where i'm at right now. had this minor spat with a coworker a couple weeks back, nothing major but it's like my brain hit a replay button i can't switch off. feels kinda ridiculous to be honest because truth is, it wasn’t even that big of a deal. we were talking about something trivial and he was like 'i don't agree with you' or whatever which usually is no biggie but for some reason this time it got to me.

now every day it's the same story. i sit down to work and instead of focusing on tasks ahead i'm sitting there remembering his face as we disagreed over something as stupid as who should lead the next meeting or whatever dumb stuff it was. guess i thought maybe we'd move on easily but nah apparently not happening in my mind anytime soon. went home after that day hoping i'd just chill out after sleeping it off but even at home i can't shake this nagging feeling like i gotta fix things before getting back to my usual self.

thing is it's beginning to mess with everything else too. you ever in one of those funks where even when you're out trying to have fun with friends all you're thinking about is one tiny thing from work? yeah that's me these days unfortunately. talked to another friend recently and they said 'just let it go dude' but easier said than done right? don’t wanna be that guy who's always obsessing over nonsense especially since life's too short for all that drama... does anyone have tips on switching off your inner worry machine when you get stuck on repeat?

I am writing this because I feel awful... A few months ago, I relocated to a new city for a job opportunity. It seemed like an exciting adventure and a step forward in my career development. However, reality has slapped me in the face harder than I anticipated. The workload is unbearable, colleagues are distant, and I am totally overwhelmed. The onboarding process was barely helpful, leaving me feeling isolated and unsupported.

The weight of deadlines is crushing my spirit; the expectations are outlandish. Projects are piling up, and it seems there's no end in sight! How do they expect us to deliver quality work under these conditions? It's ridiculous!!! My mental health is at its breaking point, yet management continues to demand more without any consideration for our well-being. Meeting after meeting with 'motivational' talks that leave everyone drained; I've heard them all before.

Out of work hours don't provide respite either... I've struggled making friends here! Socializing feels like a chore when every interaction just reminds me how out of place I feel. Hardly any time left to unwind or engage in activities outside of work due to the constant barrage of tasks needing attention. "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy," they say... Well it's true! I'm caught in this monotonous cycle with seemingly no exit strategy 😢 I'm beginning to regret taking this job altogether.

Experiencing anxiety chills can be quite disruptive, especially in professional settings. During critical work meetings where I am tasked with presenting in front of the team, I often find myself overtaken by intense chills whenever my anxiety reaches its peak. This physiological response not only causes embarrassment but also significantly impacts my ability to focus and maintain a coherent train of thought throughout the presentation. The trembling becomes so pronounced that it feels almost insurmountable to deliver the content smoothly and confidently.

In seeking solutions to manage this challenge, I've encountered references to various techniques in stress management literature that reportedly assist in mitigating these instances. 'Progressive muscle relaxation' is frequently mentioned as an effective method for reducing anxiety-induced physical symptoms. Additionally, cognitive behavioral strategies intended to reframe anxious thoughts have shown promise in relieving some of the mental strain associated with public speaking scenarios. Although these approaches offer hope, it remains a continuous journey of trial and error while striving to overcome this personal obstacle within professional contexts.

Anyone also impacted by taht at work?

I don't feel like writing much, because it will be problematic later, very unstable. When I leave, I don't know if I'll be able to carry this sense of coherence there, wherever I am, to manage myself as if I were here, calm, relaxed, at the mercy of all the available services, as I should have outside. Outside, there's nothing that allows me to recharge with confidence. I don't even feel the possibility of having the same space, of anything. I have no stability outside; there's nothing that allows me to feel settled, that allows me to feel calm, relaxed. Right now, I'm going through all that stress, the feeling that I can't create the same environments with apps as I do here, with this calm. I feel my calm is conditional, bitter, meaningless, as if the future will be worse. I feel like I have to pretend nothing's wrong, like nothing's happening, just like when I go to the office. While I'm experiencing one thing on the outside, I'm experiencing something else entirely there, and I always try to make everything an extension of myself. Somehow, I can't keep fighting to hold on; it's not in my nature. It's feeling like I'm not living my life in harmony with the present circumstances, to gain control, to be able to dominate them. It's feeling like life is abandoning me in this holistic way, that the people aren't giving me the tools to deal with the problems.

Wow, I'm also exhausted from talking, talking, and talking. My boss is such a defensive person; he sees everything as a threat. Anything that deviates from his norms, anything that exposes him, he attacks. He goes against everyone, acting in the hope that people won't do anything, perpetuating the battle until the very end, hoping for some light that will pull him out of it, but it's not like that. I didn't allow it in the final moments. He tries to operate through omissions, so that no one can say anything, and that's not being with others. He acts as if nothing is wrong, as if everything is a fit of anxiety. Sure, people leave him, betray him—it's incredible the world that guy lives in. Always checking, always verifying. With such insecurity, perhaps it would be better for him to go to a cave or his house, because he feels he has to impose his will on everyone. Well, that's how I've felt I've had to operate with the apps, when I write and write, trying to control the space, to spread ideas, possible movements. Indeed, after the incidents with him, where people initially saw me as the stranger, and then they saw him, definitively, because it was indeed happening.

The guy's a scoundrel, he takes things for what he wants, that's why he's always in that state of panic and intense stress, and you ask him to understand. Frankly, I'm tired of giving him excuses to come back. I've already built a wall with him; I wasn't going to let him return. I was going to make him regret coming back, to make him realize that returning to me would come with consequences, which is exactly what he didn't want—something that would affect him and be reversible. If I don't treat him severely, the guy won't leave. Well, that's how I had to treat my father to put him in his place. It's exhausting writing. I feel that pressure from when I left, when I felt like I was writing under pressure, not writing for fear of losing the data on the device. I felt that thing that made me unable to write, but rather cling to it, let myself go because there would be no risk, because there would be nothing to motivate me to move quickly to achieve my goal. I feel like it's self-sabotage in some way. I can't work with my boss, it's impossible. The guy is too unstable for me. He's always getting involved in shady dealings, he doesn't take care of himself at all, he's always covering up problems instead of solving them, he acts impulsively and recklessly. I can't be with him, it's impossible, and believe me, I tried to mediate all of that, but he didn't take advantage of it. He thinks he knows everything, and he doesn't. I don't want to think what it would have been like if this had happened to me, precisely because I acted according to my own words and not according to the collective's. He got to the other extreme and then just detached himself, ignoring all the evidence. At least I have the benefit of the ethics of evidence.

It's so annoying to write under stress, knowing that I have limitations. I wish I weren't focused on limitations, but rather on feeling that something that leads to the infinite, without problems. My boss always wanted everything to be at his mercy, no matter what, regardless of anything, so he could be at ease and move forward, without worrying about whether I could do anything unless it suited him. Everything was for him, by him, and without having asked permission. I felt like I was being held captive by him, and if I said anything, he would accuse me of wrongdoing, with that authoritarian attitude he adopted, and then say, "Well, I agreed." It was an abuse of power, that way he didn't control me.

Frankly, I'm not in the mood for my boss. He started to back down when he saw his own actions leading him to ruin, to fall for nothing. That's why he isolated himself from me more and more, to avoid problems. But things reached a breaking point because he was neglecting his work; he wasn't facing the staff in front of him. He was avoiding them in a way. He only wanted what was under his control, what he chose, what he could dominate. The guy was that awful with his employees and thought we didn't notice. Frankly, I'm not interested in his life; I'm only interested in doing my job. How unpleasant! The guy always acts like everything's fine, like he treats me well so he doesn't seem bad, and believe me, I've made him stick his tongue out at me several times. His faces and gestures didn't work this time to cover up his dirty tricks. I told myself he wasn't going to get away with this, no matter what games he played. I wasn't going to put up with his drama. Frankly, it's time that guy realized he's at a job, not some place where he thinks he can do whatever he pleases. There are responsibilities, there are relationships, and this time, using the office as a shield is isolating himself from everyone else, from the hierarchy, from his duties. It's the worst thing he could have done, and yet he thinks he's a god because of it, the best, the absolute best, and that's not how it works. I'm not going to be with him, and it infuriates me to say that. I had to tell him in the worst way possible because after the tragedies in my country, when he came looking for me, after everything he did to me, to help him in the office, I shut him down. I didn't even ask how he was. The guy had to understand once and for all.

The guy thinks you're only with him as long as he sees some hope of coming back, of giving in. He considers the physical abuse temporary, thinking that ignoring him because it doesn't last forever means it's just a passing thing, but it's not. When the top management in the office told me about a pending task, he assumed it was a favor, as if I were out of the office or something. But no, he's not in charge there; those higher-ups are, and I made that clear to him. I honestly didn't care how he felt or how nervous he was. I was going to make him respect me as an employee, and I was fed up with him being so clueless, with him seeing everything as his personal domain, his personal kingdom in the office, which it isn't. Because of that mindset, I hurt my friend. I resolved, even before the authorities got involved, to eradicate it. But with the authorities' involvement, it turned out to be an invasive tactic, a way for them to establish themselves in those spaces, for all the other reasons. The guy was trying to provoke me into conflict on all sides, but I wouldn't let him. He tried to doubt me, my abilities, to extract information from me, but I wouldn't allow it. I had no reason to. I don't have to give him information about what should be done; it's time he got his bearings.

Personally, at this point, I'm not interested in my boss, his ideals, his principles, or anything like that. I don't care, I shouldn't care, and I never should have. I should never have trusted him in the first place, or taken a chance on him; that was a huge mistake. Encountering such a reckless, rule-breaker, chameleon-like person is something I can't allow myself to do again. Who does this guy think he is, playing with my life as he pleases? I'm sorry, but he doesn't interfere in my spaces, on my turf, and for his image, honestly, I don't have to stand out. I do it because of the law, whether he likes it or not, and it was quite a fight because for him, the point was to make himself look good, to make him look good at all costs, when I was acting in my own best interest, defending my principles, as I should too. I wasn't in a group to avoid confronting others' doubts; quite the opposite, it's about confronting them. That's why I don't want to anymore, because those people are incapable, from any perspective, of taking responsibility for those around them. The issue boils down to his principles and mine before the collective, so that these are what prevail. That's why I gave my best tool, I was the one who made the best judgment. If we're going to play with popularity to see who comes out on top, unfortunately, empathy no longer exists because one is essentially focused on the collective, not on the other. My boss wanted to go down that road, so, well, if that's how he wanted to play the game, then I went for it. He wanted to act in isolation from the office, while I, on the other hand, acted in the best interests of the company, in the best interests of each individual. You're there to be with everyone, not to stage a show of support; that's not the spirit. That's definitely an attack on the company, and that's what I got, because they forgot that they're part of it, that they also have to be mindful of its consequences. I had to get out of there.

What a drag to write. Luckily, I'm holding on; I've discovered I can hold on. But I feel an inertia, well, not a desire to do anything, but a headache that expresses the need to process the thousand angers in my head, to form thoughts that give concrete form to everything I went through in that environment. I'm constantly digging and digging to see how far I can go, always discovering a variety of new things. I expose myself to experiences in order to make the most of everything, to extract as much knowledge as possible. I am tired of going out, though, because I feel like the town's services are on one side and I'm on the other. The town's services don't work well anywhere, and devices have such short battery lives. I always have to worry about the battery when I'm writing or using apps, and it's stressful because without devices, you're isolated from the world, and that's a problem. It's not just the devices themselves, but being connected to the world. This isolation from the world, which is actually from everyone thanks to the internet, isn't pleasant. I admit it's not something I can stand. Well, I can live with it for a while, and I think that's okay because I depend on my own resources, but beyond that, it's impossible. It would be like going insane. Everything is expensive, prices are rising, I worry about my salary, about my life, because I don't know how long I'll receive family support. At any moment my family could leave and I could be left destitute, completely forgotten about my life, unable to live it, and I don't want that. For some time now I've felt the will to move forward, not to wait for that to happen and succumb to the drastic shock. I'm thinking about achieving some tolerance in this regard, on my own. I think about leaving my friend at the office, since I've already done what I had to do with her, leaving her in good shape, but that's not the idea either, to leave her alone. The idea is to continue together, to remain a group, to keep getting together, sharing those moments of touching that vulnerable part of us, which isn't even sexually attractive, but rather that which is unseen and where scenarios of great pain materialize. They are exposed and ignored; it's there where we feel, it's there where we feel we can communicate, because our bodies express that feeling and we express that appreciation, that warmth, that rich and meaningful connection between us. However, I don't think this is a reason to do it, but a part of me says yes. I feel that I start from her to live the rest of my life the way I like. I feel that because of her I have a reason to fight, to grow, to sustain myself, to do pleasant things, to care for others, so that it is valued in some way, from that intimate, pleasant thing, from that inspiration that I see being planted in her. She is very special to me and I can't leave her, and that's why I can't leave my life either. I love her so much.

I don't know if my boss has ever told my friend that I love her; she's a very funny person, her boss. There are many things to think about. Recently, I was out and about, and it was so hard to write because I felt like I had to keep an eye on the battery, the internet connection, everything, just to be able to do what I wanted calmly. I'm no longer calm where I'm going; I don't live in that state. I feel like I want to express things that that calm space allows me to, but I struggle more to be there, creating that "being" which isn't the point. I feel like the people aren't supporting me in that sense. I want to talk about government, about the State, about reflecting calmly, about sowing my seeds, but I'm finding myself in difficulties. I feel like I can achieve a lot, but at the cost of a lot of effort, and it makes me feel like it's not worth going there to write, to think, to research, to study, to meditate, etc., etc. That's exactly how I feel about the office, and that's why I want to leave. I feel like I have to focus on a job that definitely doesn't contribute anything to my development. Even the conversations aren't good; the work doesn't offer me anything educational. I only see conflicts, contempt for people, contempt for the world, and disorder. Well, I learn something from it, but that's not the point. The point is to gain some training, some added value from the company's product, and that's the last thing I find. I don't feel like I have the opportunity to be curious or ask questions because the goal isn't the education of others, but rather simplistic, bitter, indecent conversations, devoid of rich conclusions or learning. There's nothing more to add. Curiosity isn't well-received because there's a fear that I'll stray from the norm, and reading is seen as something uninspiring, something that won't break the mold. What a bitter place this office is; I have no desire to go there. Even reading is problematic in the places I like to go. I don't feel at peace anywhere; I even have to fight for my space because I feel like I have no space at all. I feel like I have no rules other than those of the law itself, which is often ignored. I kicked my boss in the butt out of a sad respect for hierarchy, and that was it. He was lectured about it, which made me take things to the extreme. My boss, pretending otherwise after the tragedies in my country, took it as a violation of his principles: he cares about the company, and he didn't appreciate it at all. Naturally, I cut him out of my life. With my friend, who's where all this mess started, I felt valued, as did her group and the rest of the office. The thing is very simple: The office doesn't belong to them, I don't belong to them, I'm not part of them; I belong to the company. But it seems they took it as if I wanted to escape, as if I were deliberately abandoning them according to the rules, according to that same slip-up, like my boss used to do. And now I understand why they treated me with the reprisals he always felt I deserved.