Workplace Drama - page 3

I've just been promoted to a managerial role, and it's becoming crystal clear that I have serious control freak tendencies. I used to be in a more technical position where I could handle tasks myself without much interference. Now, as a manager, I've got a whole team to oversee, and it's driving me insane not being able to do everything on my own terms. It's like I'm constantly looking over their shoulders, second-guessing every move they make. Why do I feel the need to micromanage every single aspect? 😡

It's embarrassing how much this is affecting me. My team's productivity is actually pretty good when I step back (which isn't often), but it's like giving up control makes me anxious beyond belief. I've tried delegating small tasks, and sure, they manage it fine... but still! I find myself correcting things that don't even need correcting half of the time.

Honestly, how do people handle this? What magic trick am I missing here? Do I really have to go through some kind of attitude adjustment therapy to learn how to stop being such a control freak? Or maybe there's just something wrong with my wiring altogether. In the end, all this controlling behavior might backfire on me and alienate the very people I'm supposed to lead.

I think I have found a new way that dudes can be total dicks at work. So there's kind of two parts to my job as a tech writer - keep up with what's going on and make sure we have docs for all our features (BAU) and make improvements to how the docs perform (optimisation, including AI-optimisation). These activities usually go in parallel. With AI, dudes have suddenly started to tell me how I should innovate / must change, enhance, or fix things. And they keep pushing a truck tonne of suggestions at me - or worse - just doing shit with my stuff without consulting me - and then expecting me to be on board with their brilliant ideas. I'm not being brought in, or asked, or consulted. I'm just being told and preached to, and shown.

It feels like the work equivalent of being sent back to the kitchen while dudes take all the glory for a successful party. They don't have to see, acknowledge, or do any of the menial doc chores. They just get to be out front (on slack) having great ideas and then taking the glory. It's pissing me off.

I don't want this to be a #notallmen discussion derailed by buthurt dudes who think I'm generalising. I'd appreciate responses more about the "coming in over the top and being an AI-hero behaviour" than the fact that I have only experienced this from men. I cannot help but read it as just another version of mansplain/one-up/competitive/look at me behaviour that I have seen in jobs for decades.

Survival is paramount, especially in a company where the "company" aspect is merely a facade to mask the shady dealings that are brewing inside. They prioritize survival above all else. The authorities intend to treat it like a private home, managing it according to family power transfers, but this already reveals their incompetence. The authorities are blind, making decisions based solely on eliminating problems, without considering the consequences. No one there bothered to protect me or my friend, not in any way, as everyone was focused on clinging to authority and upholding the hegemony of their respective groups for their own protection. No one believed that someone would be capable of betraying my group, of orchestrating my departure, and of securing a position of authority—a position that was also my friend, a leader among the others, even though not within the bureaucracy. This doesn't limit her actions, which, in fact, don't consist of giving me orders, since it's a team effort, but rather of acting openly in front of everyone. She counts on me, and the others know that I can operate independently, something that would seem insane to others if they weren't part of a group. However, every group has its strengths, and I'm someone who likes to improve in every situation.

My work group thought I knew everything about tax management, but they didn't count on me being swayed, on knowing how to use their questions to my advantage, on realizing that any trust I placed in them was simply naive, because there was never any such trust. They assumed so, not realizing that everything I said was entirely in my favor, and I was exposing them in their eagerness to go beyond what was necessary at work. They are people who don't respect clear company boundaries, whose role is purely political even in the performance of their duties, with a desperate desire to survive, at the cost of nothing but silence. With my friend and me, that wasn't the case. In fact, after a conflict, I spoke of her needing to vent, but they took it as if it were my doing, when in reality it wasn't. Throughout the whole process, they thrived on their group deficiencies, on achieving anything that would benefit them, on the idea that I couldn't say anything and that they could control the discourse, but along the way, that dynamic began to crumble. They tried to steer things this way and that, without success, creating such a mess that they reached a point where they had no choice but to resort to any excuse to create a bitter, poorly crafted, desperate image of me. They were already in a state of flux, not really knowing what was happening; only their fears remained. To the point that, in an attempt to prevent them at all costs, they went so far as to provide the very thing that would give them grounds for denunciation: preventing me from going to the company because they weren't going there, not for work-related reasons, even though I could go.

It was very easy to crush them. That wasn't my objective per se, because there's always the possibility of surrender, but they can fight to the end. After all, it's the only thing they have left after failing, to find some solace in the attention of others. Ultimately, what they seek is an absolute loss of power, a loss that arbitrariness has wrought upon them—that's the protocol. My friend is extremely happy, not for any other reason than that she's finally managed to make my boss, a chauvinist disguised as a constant barrage of stress and jokes, completely contrary to his usual persona, fawn over her. He can't say a word about her, not even the slightest bit. She feels fortunate to offer him any support, especially in those situations where a little help is always welcome. But in her case, it means dealing with someone who desperately asks why on earth she's being included in something she hasn't agreed to in any way—something that did happen with me, of course, under justification and behind other people's backs. We're told we have a friendly relationship, not a friendship, but in practice, it amounts to the same thing. She leads by putting herself out there in front of the group, making those comments behind closed doors, in order to establish ourselves. Our group allows us the advantage—a delightful one we always crave—of exercising our individuality as we wish. After all, we fulfill our job duties completely, leaving any potential mistakes and other issues to the bosses, who, due to stress and the need to prevent conflicts through desperately given instructions, have to put up with it. In the office, we feel completely free to be ourselves and to have the relationships we want, adapting our approach to the environment.

It's about doing our own thing, something special, something meaningful, something that allows us to feel a dignified intimacy, but that transcends circumstances and situations. We're not here for that; we're tired of the staged events, which in themselves lead us to feel completely insecure around others. Feeling different, and others perceiving us that way, has meant that these situations serve as mere bait for some kind of gain, some abuse of the pleasures we can offer to those around us, but don't want to. This has been one of my boss's obsessions with both me and her, because he couldn't see things one way and believed they couldn't be any other, resulting in constant sabotage. She's the worst person, attached to his secretary, who thought she had all the tools in the emotional game, but that wasn't true. My boss had someone who knew absolutely nothing about emotions, other than how to manipulate in a completely obvious way that convinced no one, and on top of that, he was obsessed with seeing things done quickly so he could keep moving forward. Their serious problem is that they didn't consider their position, what they were facing, and the experience of everything ending so quickly, without much discernment of the consequences, precisely because of the limitations of the company itself. This could easily lead one or the other to make accusations against the other.

My friend and I thrive on a pleasant, enjoyable, and timely yet coordinated connection, which provides the other essential ingredients. We recognize that it arises within an environment not designed for this kind of interaction, but we embrace it and make something of it, which is why each encounter is simply special. Their current blockages, in effect, are ways of reinforcing the idea that our changes are made by ourselves, without any interference from either of us in the other's life. This allows for that space, that openness to our feelings, and it has certainly done us good. To the point where, albeit somewhat dilapidatedly, we can say that each of us is more prudent with the others in our communication, knows our place, our limits, and is no longer disruptive. We emerged within the social order, and that's precisely why we have a place there. The seed for it was already there, thus conveying to the surroundings that it was worthwhile. That's when we stopped trying to create divisions among ourselves, which only made our lives more stressful, more closed off, and less open, giving the impression that we would eventually leave the company. Now, it's precisely this collaborative spirit within the environment that allows both them and us to feel connected. Each of us, my friend and I, contributes from wherever we can, with whomever we can, and however we can, to those who are strictly within the work sphere. It's clear who we are, and that's why we all breathe, because everyone respects each other's boundaries.

As for the little group of thugs I was talking about, the issue was that everyone was waiting for that moment when everyone would leave them, even me, who, according to them, was the best treated of the group.

I can't stand all the changes happening at work these days!!! Like seriously??? It's been such an AWFUL time recently with all this AI stuff suddenly taking over everything!! Why can't things just be like they used to be? Everything gets so complicated and confusing now. Honestly, it's making my job feel like a never-ending nightmare. I'm supposed to adapt and learn all these new systems and tools but who has the time or energy for that?!

It seems like every day there's something new implemented. There's no time to breathe or catch up before we're thrown into another new process that 'improves efficiency' (or so they say). I don't believe it half the time; These changes seem to make things more difficult rather than easier! The whole ecosystem is shaken by this synthetic intelligence invasion!!! Every protocol we followed changed overnight, and it's frustrating trying to keep up with pace of development now required of us in our roles.

Work used to be straightforward! We knew what was expected of us: log in, complete tasks and clock out... Now, we're inundated with training modules!!! Honestly, how many learning sessions does one person need? It feels like a massive overload of information even before starting proper operations for a client task. We are bombarded by updates on algorithms which are supposed to replace manual reporting methods. As if being human wasn't enough anymore!

Sure, I understand technology is good but there needs balance!!! Implementing everything simultaneously?? Surely that's not strategic planning I'm seeing... Maybe if they'd give us adequate support I'd be more open-minded towards accepting it - explaining rather than just imposing would go lengths. Every discussion leads nowhere except further entrenched gridlock when queried about compatibility issues mounting outta nowhere.

Change maybe inevitable but can we slow down? Let people adjust rather than pushing them overboard when not ready mentally nor professionally match yet demanded standards determined overnight sharpened skills checklist involved???? Being optimistic aside reality checks needed ensuring realistic pacing while apprenticing newer methodologies working past resilient experience held previously integral!! I guess ultimately adapt level heading cautiously contrive progression sustain...

I don't feel there's much to say at this moment, other than to criticize the things I've experienced, with which I completely disagree. I want to begin by observing how impressive it is that, in the office environment, each manager limits their interaction with their employee to the extent that their own personal circumstances, shaped by their experiences, allow. Otherwise, they tolerate the employee only when there's no reason to reprimand them.

I'm still surprised that I was blocked at the office and no one did anything about it at all. Everyone assumed that contact wasn't essential for that person and therefore that it could remain that way—that is, that my marginalization could continue. And yet, no one did anything, not even my boss. No one realized the impact of this, not even by paying attention, and that's where I feel radically excluded: in the midst of an emergency, at the moment when, without exception, we can all be useful. In other words, I don't feel taken into account at the office when I have the means to contribute. However, I don't feel the need to file any complaint or anything like that, because even that would be seen as an excuse. This person's exclusion made me realize that in the most important moments, including emergencies, I can't participate if I don't have the necessary resources, which isn't my fault.

This is something the company's management should be aware of, but they aren't. I feel completely marginalized from the group, and the negligence is clear. This person, of course, isn't going to conduct any review, and I highly doubt any of the authorities will even look into this. After all, they can't imagine an emergency involving this person where I could be of any use. In fact, the company didn't support me at all, neither my boss nor anyone else, who only offered me crumbs because of their inability to uphold the basic principles of a harmonious work environment. That's when I undertook the necessary task of handing my group over to the others, given that they offered no support whatsoever, only a superficial and inadequate response. Therefore, I didn't support the company at all in their efforts to destroy this employee, aiming for his permanent dismissal since he was always getting into trouble.

Now, that person is in charge, and I'm with him. Initially, I found no support for my situation, and I was even pressured and accused of being weak for seeking psychiatric or psychological help, with the pressure being on me to be strong at all costs. Feeling marginalized hurt me deeply and made me empathize with that person, who was also marginalized. I joined him because I know what it's like to be disregarded, to have your own principles ignored, and to have people interfere in your life at every turn, preventing you from going beyond what you need, where your voice has no value whatsoever. Now, this individual controls my life both at the company and in the town. I have to admit, society itself betrayed me by failing to see what I was doing. In contrast, this individual was there to take responsibility despite his shortcomings. He didn't try to hide anything; he made improvements through small details that hit the right flank. Undoubtedly, perhaps, we can say that I was the one he needed to rise to power in the company, despite not having the bureaucracy to foster bias in the chain of command.

I was the pawn he needed, the one who made me, from the group everyone wanted on his side, now on his side, making it clear that if something was indeed happening, that this group was indeed plotting against him, as it's the second time this has happened. It's the second time someone has been marginalized, being new, and moreover, under a modus operandi different from the norm. In other words, it became clear that the group harbors an inherent resistance to difference; therefore, it's not focused on current trends, but rather on a homogenizing and exclusionary system. Consequently, the group, which set out to integrate me into the company, achieving a degree of opposition, failed and ended up being marginalized. My character and I are marginalized, while the other group, where we have priority, embraces our differences on every level, unlike them, who choose to express their opposition at the cost of concealing flaws. Acknowledging our differences, despite a history of past mistreatment and disputes within our respective work groups, and forging our own union, has resulted in our being relevant to the company's popularity, unlike these others who even attacked my character, demonstrating that they are a detrimental element to the company.

The employees themselves, acting as spokespeople to their families, who in turn tell the rest of the world, determine that this leads to comments that, depending on their nature, create doubts about the future of all employees. Therefore, what my work group does is essentially bound to be marginalized because it goes against this, and furthermore, it constitutes an abuse of authority, which is the last straw for everyone there. In essence, a company where authority is abused to mistreat diversity is evidence that the system favors segregation through the abuse of power, thus making it clear that diversity is not something to be embraced by the group, even though, in principle, it is permitted. Thanks to this attitude, my boss and his secretary have declined drastically; neither is tolerated anymore, but rather seen as parasitic elements, because even though they are under his command, neither of them is treated effectively; instead, each operates independently. In fact, it's curious that everything associated with them is kept separate from them, barely connected by a purely bureaucratic process.

They tried to prevent it at all costs, attacking my image at every turn. There were several attempts, but I personally found myself capable of handling it, of being receptive to their spirit, of understanding their circumstances. But the point is that they did it in public, blurring the lines between what should be private, thus establishing for everyone else that they were completely out of line. Indeed, we're talking about how they had become chaotic, without any apparent cause, initially, because the reasons were undeniably dangerous for them, since they acted outside the law, believing that I could be implicated, precisely because we were talking about what they would call nonsense. But the law comes first and is the basis of coexistence; however, they didn't understand this. They tried to escape at all costs, but they couldn't.

For some time now, I've been developing various frameworks to visualize the situation that unfolded in the office and with this individual. This person made me see what it was like to be in his shoes, and I don't deny that he blocked me, primarily because I feel that my lifestyle is being valued—a lifestyle of being immersed in my private affairs, deeply involved in them, trying to keep others out of my way so I can focus entirely on them. I feel that I am valued more than the company; that is, I am the one being considered for various life situations, not the company, the very same one that marginalized me and that he also marginalized. It wasn't easy for me to witness this loving spirit on his part, and the respect he showed me, his solitary soul, as he likes to call it, which is how he defines me. I feel he embraces me in a hidden way, safeguarding my values, unlike the others, that group in the company who acted for their own interests, making me a part of them at the cost of receiving more detailed and frequent attention, which, however, wasn't contextualized, but rather imposed. This person definitely didn't do that. With so much love, he won me over, starting from the premise that he was dealing with me and not with a projection of himself, based on the fact that I was different and wanted to be that way, not on the fact that I was different and wanted to be normal, like everyone else.

I feel deeply hurt because my boss has interfered with one of my friends, and that's something I can't allow. It's incredibly difficult for me to have friendships, and to just abandon them like that, especially after manipulation and by dictating the terms of my interactions with them, is disrespectful. It's an imposition on the very nature of my life that I cannot tolerate under any circumstances, and I feel compelled to stand up for myself immediately by any means necessary. For him to ask me if I'm doing this because I like this person, want a relationship, or something like that, is disrespectful. It's an accusation that I'm trying to turn a human being into a profile, and that goes completely against my principles.

This individual has interfered in my life beyond all bounds, and now I feel compelled to remove him by any means necessary and to report his actions. I see that he's completely out of control, and something must be done about it. The days are over when I supported his dominance, when he used me and our relationship as a means to achieve stability, which is to do so at my expense. I can't allow that. I'm there to work for the company, not for him, and it's clear that I'm definitely not with him to carve out my own territory. He doesn't control me, even if it means facing every hell imaginable. Personally, I'll fight for my life, of course. I need to be with my friend. I can't let circumstances push me aside. She and I are fed up with this. What we have is very special. We had difficulties at the beginning, but that's natural. I'm tired of this guy always interfering, making us blame each other, just like that, and hiding behind the machinery of his own narrative. This is serious.

Given the recent events in my country, I didn't hesitate and took advantage of the crisis to expose this scoundrel, to reveal his true nature, desperately seeking understanding. This is a mechanism to gain favor, even at the cost of bureaucratic abuse, constantly admitting and admitting, which serves as a smokescreen, masking what one doesn't see. He is a great individual without feelings, living off others to expand his power, but his days are over, as the authorities themselves, on all sides, have betrayed him, exposing him completely. He cares about no one but himself, and he has tried to make me sympathize with him through feelings, through empathy, but personally, I have no interest whatsoever in this miserable, heartless politician who has found ways to flaunt his machismo by exploiting a woman's vulnerability, just as he did with my friend.

I understand why this is happening with his secretary, who hasn't made any effort to leave in any way. Instead, she's normalized the situation and, when push comes to shove and he's in trouble, she's looking for ways to confront him about it, revealing that she lives only for running away, without any real grounding. They aren't good people in any sense; they thrive on manipulation, on the extreme control of subjectivity, on making the world turn out the way they want, without any mercy, relying on these group games that distract him. In fact, they even find it amusing to pry into one's private life, desperately trying to steal anything that might enhance their image within the company. However, those days of support are over too, because everyone in the company openly and clearly supports my relationship with my friend, who I believe is defending us. One always sees it through the doormen or those who are always present and observing, precisely because their profession is to make receptiveness to professions possible.

I am definitely announcing with this, and proudly so, that a bad man has fallen and that he dragged his secretary down with him, because his hypocrisy is no longer believed in any way. His good intentions, support, and so on, only make us understand that what matters to them is manipulation at all costs. In fact, it was because of them that people distanced themselves from me, and I didn't realize it, but they all saw that there was indeed something about me that was out of place, and that it wasn't right to be a lover of emotions just to get something from others, but rather to become transparent, to integrate myself. I didn't want an isolated life as they intended, to the point that they tried to control my relationships with others. I really had to figure it out; it was almost spontaneous, I must say, because although it was ingenious, everything turned out to be easy for me.

It all stemmed from a routine that was itself based on another routine, one that took into account that something out of the ordinary was happening, something my boss and his secretary failed to consider. They tried to use their own tools, their own routine, to deal with me, even though I was clearly an outsider to their routine. Therefore, they refused to acknowledge they were in trouble and acted defensively. This is the problem, for them, of living in groups where normality is the imperative, not the practice. It's something many people don't see, and I think it needs to be discussed.

I don't feel comfortable around these people. Everyone rebels against them, and they don't consider any context. They live in perpetual victimhood, always aiming to perpetuate the dictatorship they created. Everything always gets out of hand, something always happens, and they live at the mercy of the fact that if it's not one specific person, then the issue is simply a matter of hiding. They live solely off their image, which is the only thing that protects them, and they attack anyone who isn't part of their circle by any means necessary, through gossip, through that string of things that justify any accident not as an accident but as intentional, precisely in their eagerness to accuse it of being entirely deliberate. They are monsters, and I can't believe I had to work with them, but well, it's out of my hands, and I am infinitely grateful for my perseverance, because, even though I didn't say it, I felt completely capable of handling them. They saw my complete trust as excessive, and it was precisely that illusion that led to their downfall. It is astonishing, without a doubt, to observe how these people smiled at their own misfortune, at their own ruin.

My friend was aiming for the same thing, from every point of view, but it all came down to setting limits, acknowledging risks, the possibility of loss, because not everything is permanent, not everything will always be there, no matter what, not everything is unconditional—well, nothing in life is unconditional, not at all. In fact, now that I'm thinking about it, thanks to this spirit she manages to integrate herself even more into the community, somehow making use of our practices, based on an integration with the other, a fair establishment consisting of confronting the other, under the freedom to defend oneself. However, with others, this doesn't prove significant; instead, they become submissive out of fear of conflict, and in itself, this is leading her to become dominant in the office, of course, except with me, since she knows I can see her attempts at confrontation. Of course, it all started with me confronting her, opening myself up to appearances and falling into that consistency resulting from not accepting the denial of those appearances. She operates with others, starting from the denial of herself, as a gesture that, otherwise, if they step outside of her comfort zone, they will find themselves facing a warrior prepared to face rejection; her denial consists of the fact that such rejection does not exist, in principle, because others act in accordance with her, when it does exist, and precisely because she denies that depth that I faced.

There's a woman in the office I'd like to socialize with. She's quite attractive, but that's beside the point. I like her because we're around the same age. However, she insists on keeping everything strictly professional, to the point of completely imposing her will, acting as if she were the boss, without any room for dialogue whatsoever. From every perspective, this woman is out of place, and I don't want to talk to her anymore. She stresses me out. She's not my boss; she's not there to order me around. Even my own boss doesn't have that right.

I'm tired of playing along with her. I don't like her as a person. Her life is a constant threat to others, fueled by a brutal sense of victimhood. I'm fed up. I don't want her to keep telling me what to do, how to interact with others. In fact, I think it's outrageous that she's blocking me in order to maintain order and control my impulses. She's trying to keep me in line, but that's not how things work. The key is dialogue, not imposition. I don't like it at all. I feel disrespected, bureaucratically and emotionally invaded, completely devastated.

Thanks to this girl, I was able to escape the clutches of my boss, who had me between a rock and a hard place, who wanted me to socialize with everyone in a forced way, so as not to embarrass him, and that's something I'll always hate him for. But what happened with this girl was enough. She's not my boss; we're definitely coworkers, but nothing more. She doesn't have to give me any direction; I'm not a child by any means.

Luckily, all of that was worked out with her. In fact, I tried to push her to the limit regarding her desire to be my boss, because she isn't. She's a person, a friend, as we both agreed. It's fine that she wants to keep me blocked, to make sure that our friendship doesn't spill over into the professional sphere, and that it's bound to explode into disaster. I agree with establishing a relationship, one based on genuine affection, but for God's sake, let it be effective, as she and I both clearly saw. It pains me not knowing how she is right now or being able to contact her in any way. I don't feel I can reach anyone at the office because they're all in their own worlds, and they see me as some kind of threat because I don't approach life with the same level of concern.

No one there wants to tell me what boundaries I should follow, not at all. They all assume they should have them, and for that very reason, they distance themselves from me, reject me, and forget about me in conversation, and that's uncomfortable. I don't feel welcome at work because of the lifestyle I've chosen, and they even seem to think it's friendly to make changes. I feel hurt at the office. That girl isn't the only one; rather, she was the one who highlighted what the others were doing to me, and it was incredibly difficult for me to change, always finding myself at the mercy of conflict. It's awful, but I don't feel like I belong in the office right now. I feel like I'm on my own, living my own life, but not with them. I don't feel included at work, precisely because of that rejection. I don't feel like I belong. It feels like a complete illusion to be in a WhatsApp group for all of them. They all think that if I join them, I'll have some ulterior motive or something. Luckily, this girl stopped thinking that way a long time ago. She realized that I was simply there for that sweet thing we had, but that, without a doubt, for God's sake, I needed her to be there, because I can't assume anything. I don't know her, I'm not in her world, and I shouldn't have to be. And for her to leave, just because I'm a stranger, wanting to be there, is the worst thing you can do to a person.

It's feeling completely rejected, because we come from different circumstances, and I don't know how to handle it. And it's perfectly fine that I don't know, and that doesn't mean I can be left out. We're in contact through the WhatsApp group, but personally, I'd like to have a face-to-face conversation with her. What kind of friendship is this, for God's sake? How is it possible that at work, because of my circumstances, I can't be happy? How is it possible that for reciprocating her feelings, I have to be blocked? How is it possible that by being responsible with my feelings, I make people uncomfortable? It's not fair, and I can't ignore these feelings. I can't. It's not my ethics. My ethics aren't to avoid anyone. It's not my style. It's disrespectful. There are facts, and I can't ignore them. I can't abandon anyone. How is it possible that for not sharing the same circumstances, I'm treated like this? It can't be. I don't feel welcome in the office.

I don't feel welcome as a human being in this girl's life. All this time, I've had to chase her down, desperately, so that, for God's sake, she'd understand that the issue wasn't that she was out of control.

I needed her support, because it was there. Why did I have to insist until I couldn't anymore, enduring every possible rejection? I don't even know where this person is; there's no coordination whatsoever. All my time with her lately has been nothing but adapting to how she handles things, forcing me into a box no matter what, justifying everything she does, precisely because I can't reciprocate, precisely because of her nerves, anxieties, and so on. And now I have to live completely subject to her circumstances, to her feelings. Nevertheless, for God's sake, where do I fit into all of this? I don't recognize myself at all. I'm tired of defending this human being who only succeeded in shattering my life, exposing me to the worst experiences I could ever imagine: rejection, ostracism, humiliation. God, I went through so much because of this person. But I also have to acknowledge that this is the price of responding to feelings in a society where that's not the norm, where feelings are seen as an obstacle to progress, and the prevailing ethics are to ignore them.

No one has any idea what I went through, the defenses I had to mount with my own work group, to the point of jeopardizing its future, precisely because my relationship with her was detrimental to their image. It was hell, and I'm sure she knows I went through it in some way. I'm sure she knows the anxieties I endured behind the scenes, everything I've kept bottled up, and now she's trying to defend me, trying to be empathetic, because, in fact, my life was radically turned upside down because of her, precisely because I didn't reciprocate her feelings, precisely because I was completely avoidant until the very end. I lost my work group, I lost my life outside of work thinking about what to do with this girl, all the tears I shed, the things I couldn't say because I have no one else. That girl, in essence, turned my world upside down, exactly what she didn't want for herself. So, did she want to keep the peace at my expense? Even she didn't think it was fair; it was precisely what she didn't want to show in her image under any circumstances. In fact, she broke down, she broke her principles of limiting herself solely to work, to what was convenient, to finally enter the realm of emotions. Because what I was going through wasn't fair, that I insisted and insisted, that because I was responsible she would leave me aside, something that surely happened to her. Her image was forged at the cost, through her practices, of avoiding these kinds of people, but with me, it was shown that she was still in that guise, that what she was doing was purely to exert control over the world, that it was nothing more than that, an image she maintained at the expense of others reciprocating. And indeed, because her very presence, the lack of socialization with her, exudes abandonment, and that is what others want to prevent with this, because it's precisely about being different, in today's culture, from what was experienced in childhood.

I've wanted to express this for a long time, I know I was disorganized, but I needed to see these things.

i'm feeling like such a pushover at work these days? it's honestly starting to wear me down emotionally. what's worse is that i don't know why i keep letting it happen! sometimes it feels like people just walk all over me because i'm too polite or too eager to please; and man, it's getting old real fast!!!

take the other day for example (something similar happens almost every week): my coworker asks if i can help them with their project 'just this once.' of course, i said yes... thinking it'd be a one-time favor. well, guess what? now i'm knee-deep in work that isn't even mine and zero acknowledgment from anyone. it's like, do *they* think i've got nothing better to do? or am i just really that bad at saying no?

those times when we're in meetings: i'll have an idea but before i can share it, someone else conveniently chips in and takes over the conversation. suddenly, my suggestion never gets voiced and their half-baked version gets praised. infuriating much?! airing these grievances here kinda makes me realize... maybe it's not just about boundaries but also confidence??

i've read somewhere (can't recall where exactly) that some people hone this sort of assertiveness thing ; unfortunately for me, whenever i muster the courage to speak up or stand firm, it somehow ends up backfiring! after trying new tactics again and again only to end with similar results, should I simply resign myself to being background noise?

still despite everything going on inside my head, there's one part that's hopeful... change might still be possible if given enough tries. is there anyone out there who was once in my shoes??? if you've managed ways around this sticky situation i'd love any advice (if not friendship while we're at it). emoji appropriate right here 😂

so i don’t get why people can be so rude at work. i mean, all these managers are supposed to be examples of leadership but they just treat everyone like dirt. like, you’d think it wouldn’t be that hard to just treat people with some basic kindness and respect, right?

every day there’s a new thing someone has done or said that just makes me question humanity. last week, one of the higher-ups yelled at my friend over something small and, honestly, it wasn’t even her fault! i know stuff gets stressful but man... have some decency.

just yesterday, another manager brushed off my concerns without even listening. they act like they're too busy to bother with us mere mortals. it's annoying how folks in charge can be so out of touch with the reality on the ground. guess that’s why i’m here ranting about it.

feeling unappreciated at work has been an ongoing struggle for me. i put in the hours, deliver quality results, and consistently go above and beyond my job description. yet, despite my efforts, there's a stagnant ceiling that blocks any upward movement within the company. it’s frustrating to pour so much energy into a place and not see any professional growth or recognition for it! i mean, how hard is it to acknowledge someone's hard work???

my skills are constantly overlooked while others with less experience seem to shoot up the ranks effortlessly. it's like management has blinders on when it comes to actual contribution versus who can talk the most in meetings... 🙄 my contributions speak volumes in terms of both efficiency and innovation. still, those who play politics better get recognized instead!!!! this leaves me questioning why i continue to invest so much of myself here when appreciation seems reserved for a select few... it's demotivating being stuck in the same position with no chance to develop further.

I never thought work could affect my sleep this much, but here I am. Insomnia has become a nightly ritual lately, with me tossing and turning. It's like trying to solve a puzzle that doesn't want to be solved?! 😴 The pressure at work is relentless; it's like a tidal wave of tasks that keeps crashing over me every single day... I try to keep up, I really do, but the stress is immense? And now, sleepless nights have become an unwanted companion in my life.

My days blend into each other: meeting after meeting, deadline after deadline. But it's not just the workload! The constant fear of falling behind and underperforming lingers over me like a thundercloud. Times where I should be resting are filled with anxieties about what awaits tomorrow at the office: an endless cycle that seems impossible to break free from!!!

Have you ever tried counting sheep? Doesn't work for me. In fact, it makes things worse sometimes because it gives my mind more time to wander off into all the wrong places; thinking about what could go wrong next day... 🙃 Instead of finding relief and refuge in sleep, I'm left staring at the ceiling until dawn breaks.

There's hope though... I believe there always is!! I've started listening to some relaxation tapes before bed which help a bit. Plus talking it through with friends (bless them) who remind me that everyone faces rough patches; "This too shall pass", as they say... So chin up! I'll find a way out eventually even if it takes some new strategies or habits along the way.

If anyone out there shares this struggle then let's remember: Remain positive and resilient! Let's tackle one thing at a time 😉 Cultivating patience and taking little steps may lead us back to restful nights sooner than we anticipate.

This is the kind of thing where any possible solution proposed leads to a complaint or a reason why it won't work - as far as I know. I don't know how to deal with having trapped myself in an impossible situation. I know I have to just do something I dont want to, but I dont know what thing will make me the least unhappy I guess.

I make 50k and I live in LA so I can't afford my own 1br. I've given up on a house entirely, I just want an apartment. But they START at $1700 and I just cant realistically do that and have a savings account. Some options and issues:

1. Move - i like living here. I like my friends, the racial diversity, the more liberal politics, the weather, and the variety of things to do. Also my job is here and the job market is garbage everywhere.

2. Get a higher paying job - I was trying to. Had 2 3rd round interviews. One company chose someone else because I had a long commute and they didnt want the role to be remote anymore. The other company paused hiring. I've since stopped applying as I'm having some health issues and don't want my insurance paused right now. But it's always scary to start again. What if those interviews were a fluke and I go back to having to endure this market? What if i get laid off again (less likely at current job as they already laid off everyone but me so I'm holding the ship together on my own)? What if i don't like the new role? What if what happened last time happens again and the pay raise can't keep up with rising housing costs?

3. Be self employed - this is what I most want to do. I've started a business and it's slowly growing. Key word is slowly. I'm hoping it'll be a livable wage in 4 years. But how do I manage my feelings of failure and frustration until then? And what if it never gets there?

4. Sales - i hate talking to people

5. Invest - I do. I dont make enough to invest for FIRE anytime in the next few decadss. I've considered day trading but really feel like I'm walking into a get rich quick scheme.

6. Go back to school for x lucrative career - same issues as #2. Also, the job market is TRASH. Do you really think I haven't done a UX boot camp, gotten my PMP, and considered 3 different master's degrees by now? Pivoting only works if it works and right now nothing works.

7. Social media - tried youtube for 10 years. Nothing. Have a tiktok for my business now that has 1k followers. Maybe if it keeps growing I can get on the creator program one of these centuries. For right now, it's a skill I seem to not have.

8. Stop wanting money - well. I'm trying. I just can't shake the feeling that a grown adult working full time should be able to have their own space at SOME POINT.

I'm just so tired of thinking about this. Tired of trying things for a bit or really committing to something and either way coming up empty handed. Tired of the 1000s of job applications. Tired of WAITING to be able to live how I want. It's not just the apartment. I want a garden, to be able to live abroad for a while, to save for early retirement so I dont have to do this crap forever, free time to enjoy my life. I don't even care about a job - i just want money and everything is conspiring against me to keep me from it. It's so discouraging having no options.

I have been actively seeking an entry-level position for nearly two years now, and it feels as though every door in my chosen field is firmly shut. Despite countless applications and attending networking events, the job market in my area remains stagnant. Every rejection email or lack of response chips away at my confidence, leaving me questioning my capabilities and professional worth. I have pursued roles relevant to my degree but finding opportunities that match my skill set within a realistic commuting distance has proven to be increasingly elusive.

Living with my parents at this stage of life seems like a continuous loop; there is an inherent pressure that comes with the feeling of not moving forward. Their support means the world to me, yet I crave independence: both financially and emotionally. Obtaining employment would allow me to contribute to household expenses and ultimately move out, something I've longed for but can't quite achieve without a stable income.

The job descriptions often reflect ideal candidates having several years of experience, which inherently disqualifies recent graduates such as myself. Nevertheless I submit tailored cover letters hoping they see potential in who I am rather than just previous roles held by others. Nonetheless these numerous trials appear futile given there is no feedback on what areas require improvement or clarity regarding their selection processes.

Without tangible progressions or feedback loops provided by prospective employers, motivation dwindles since continued persistence doesn't ensure success under such unpredictable circumstances;. This situation leaves one feeling disillusioned about personal competencies and career trajectory, especially when peers celebrate milestones like securing jobs or promotions.

I have lost all hope of making something of my life...

in this world, you gotta be kind, right? that's what everyone keeps telling me... kindness is overrated though! at work, people are just slacking off left and right. they're too busy pretending to be friends than actually doing their damn job; i'm trying to keep everything in line and get stuff done, but now my manager's on my case because he says i'm not nice enough... i didn't realize our paychecks come from being popular with colleagues!

i try to stay focused. i've got a ton of issues with how things run around here—they're stupid, the projects are late, there's always some excuse like 'oh, we were bonding' or whatever nonsense that means. nobody wants to step up and lead. everyone waits for someone else: when did doing your job become optional? i see all these folks chatting it up while deadlines fly by...

look, what's a guy like me supposed to do? keep a smile plastered on my face while productivity slips down the drain? no thanks, man. i'll take efficiency over constant small talk any day!

guess everyone's more comfortable being pretenders at a work-family; mod for kindness ain't nearly as effective as one might think—exclamation marks!!! 😅

i graduated last year and here i am still looking for my first job. it's not that i'm unqualified, but every time there's an interview lined up, the anxiety is unbearable. my heart races like it's about to jump out of my chest. some might say it's just nerves, but it feels way more than that. 😬 i mean, do they really need to ask those questions? those typical 'where do you see yourself in 5 years?' or 'what's your biggest weakness?'. they seem simple, yet they twist my brain into knots;

job hunting was never supposed to be easy, right? i read this quote somewhere: 'success is not the key to happiness; happiness is the key to success.' maybe if i could just get past this panic... but then again, these interviews are critical milestones in one's career trajectory. companies expect you to sell yourself at a moment's notice... feels like you're on trial sometimes. i know others struggle too but god it’s frustrating! 😤 why do i keep freezing up??

i guess industry lingo should help sound smarter or something; things like leveraging synergies or enhancing verticals. honestly though, will anyone buy that coming from someone who's never worked a day as a professional? even typing this out makes me question myself – why can't i just relax and let things flow naturally... or perhaps that's easier said than done?