Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 58

i don’t even know where to start honestly, everything just feels so confusing lately. me and my boyfriend been together for like 2 years now and it’s not like we been perfect, every couple fights sometimes right? but still, we always managed to work it out, always found our way back to eachother. until now. it’s like a switch flipped. he used to text me good morning every day without fail, he used to call me just to hear my voice, he used to actually listen when i talked about my day. and now... nothing. it started with little things, like takin longer to reply, cancellin plans last minute, saying he’s "busy" but not really explaining why. and i tried to be chill about it at first cuz i know people got stuff goin on, i didnt wanna be that clingy girlfriend always askin for attention. but it kept happening, and now it’s like i’m talking to a wall. sometimes i send him a message and he don’t even open it until hours later, sometimes not even til the next day. when i call, half the time he dont answer. when i do see him, he’s distracted, always on his phone or just... somewhere else in his head. i asked him straight up what’s goin on and he just says "i’m fine" or "i’m tired" like that explains everything. but it doesn’t. i’m not stupid, i can feel the distance between us growing and it’s killing me inside not knowing why.

it’s messin with my head real bad too, like i’m overthinking everything now. did i do something wrong? am i not enough anymore? is there someone else? i replay convos in my head, reread texts lookin for clues, but there’s nothing clear. just this awful silence. and the worst part is that i still love him so much. i still wanna fight for us but it’s hard when it feels like i’m the only one even tryin. i miss him so bad it hurts, i miss laughin together, the way he used to look at me like i was his whole world. now sometimes when he looks at me it’s like he’s lookin through me. nd i hate that i’m turning into this sad, desperate version of myself, always waitin for him to text, hopin he’ll finally act like he cares again. my friends tell me i deserve better, that i should just walk away, but it’s not that easy. he’s part of my life, part of my plans, part of my heart. and the idea of losing him, after everything we been through, feels like i’m losing a piece of myself too. but how long can i keep hangin on to someone who’s not even reaching back for me? how many more nights am i supposed to cry myself to sleep wonderin why my boyfriend ignores me like i don’t even matter anymore? i just want answers, i just want to know if we still have a chance or if i’m just clingin to memories of someone who’s already gone. i dont kno what to do, all i know is that this hurts more than i ever thought it would.

i been askin myself this like everyday lately, why don't i have friends? it’s not like i’m mean or rude or anything. i try to be nice to ppl, i smile when i walk past them, i even try to jump into conversations sometimes but it’s like nobody really notices me. everyone at school got their group, their ppl they laugh with, eat lunch with, hangout after classes and here i am, sittin by myself most days. sometimes i pretend like i’m busy on my phone or i’ll act like i’m studyin so it don’t look so sad but fr it hurts. i see kids i grew up with, ppl who used to come over my house when we were little, now act like i don’t even exist. and idk what changed. maybe it’s me. maybe i got boring or weird or somethin and nobody wanted to tell me.

i keep thinkin about what i’m doin wrong. maybe i dont dress cool enough, maybe i say dumb stuff without meanin to. or maybe i’m just not interesting. i dont have crazy stories to tell or a million tiktoks to share like other kids. i mostly just stay home, play video games, watch youtube. nd when i do try to talk, it’s like the convo just dies. like i don’t kno what to say to keep it goin. nd when i do get invited to stuff (which is like once in a blue moon) i get so nervous i end up makin an excuse not to go. like what if i go and it’s awkward? what if they laugh at me or just ignore me the whole time? it's easier to just stay home sometimes but then i’m just stuck wonderin why i’m alone again. it’s a stupid cycle and i hate it.

social media makes it worse too. everybody postin pics with their friends at parties, games, whatever. group selfies, funny videos, inside jokes i’m not part of. i try to not let it get to me but it does. it makes me feel like there’s somethin wrong with me. like im broken or somethin. nd the more lonely i feel, the harder it gets to even try anymore. some days i tell myself i dont need friends, like whatever i’m fine on my own. but then i'll hear ppl laughin in the hallway or see a group hangin out and it hits me all over again. humans are supposed to have people, right? nd i dont. not really. just me and my stupid thoughts tryna convince myself it’s not a big deal when deep down it is.

i dunno if it’ll always be like this. maybe when i get older i’ll meet ppl who get me. or maybe i gotta change somethin about myself first, i really don’t kno. all i kno is right now, it sucks. it’s like standing in the middle of a crowd screamin inside but nobody even looks your way. i wish makin friends was as easy as it looks in movies, like u just bump into someone and boom, besties for life. but in real life, it’s messy and hard and sometimes it don’t happen at all. nd im just tryin to hold on to hope that maybe, just maybe, there’s ppl out there who’d wanna know me too. i just gotta find em. someday. i hope.

any advices guys???

Ive thought about her a lot lately. I wonder where she is and I hope she’s happier now. But I just have so many regrets, why didn’t I try to contact her the year after she moved? We were so close, I had known her since kindergarten but I just wanted to act like I didn’t care. And maybe thats the problem, we’re all trying to act like we dont care and that nothing bothers us. Maybe thats why she did what she did, and maybe if someone showed her they cared she could be enjoying the life she deserved. Why can’t we just show the people around us we care. I miss you I really do. How can I ever really live happily when I know I didn't help her at all and now she's gone?

We have been married almost 30 years

I feel like I took too much too long

I have worked full time as my husband did, we raised a daughter, I did most of it, he barely changed her diaper, never woke up at night when she was little

I deal with all BS by his mother, and I was a selfish DILwhen I tried to set a boundary w her.

He has full on ADHD, when I come home after working 7 am to 5:30 pm, the house is a mess, I run like a crazy woman to tidy up the house to the level that is barely acceptable as a living environment. I obviously contribute our house purchase 50% from out joint bank account, but I can not enjoy the house because it is so cluttered, looks like a dump inside-out all the time. The yard was beautiful when we purchased the house, now it looks like a junk yard. Things are placed so randomly, if I mention about it, he would say something like he is trying to don't look at them. But he refuses to get a house keeper because “I don't want a stranger in our house” or “I don't trust those people.”

I deal with his MIL living in our backyard house, and I am 100% sure she has bipolar personality disorder but my husband try to satisfy her like a little boy try to please mother who never satisfy. She acts like a princess while she is 88yo. Just hard to watch. He sacrifices everything including his job, his health, sanity, and his family. The relationships between him, I, and our daughter are non-existing because he devote his everything to take care of his parents. We have not had family time for years.

How is this ok, I am taking way too much, feels like I am done with being a good person because everybody is taking an advantage over me

How do I get help when all the doctors/ nurses and that don’t help or understand me and what I feel and need for myself my mental health and it’s driving me mad and my anxiety and depression is driving me mad

I’m 14 and my dad pays a lot of money for my counsellor after he realised I was cutting myself last year (I mostly let him know as I’d been doing it a while without him noticing). I feel really guilty because I’ve been seeing her for a while and I still feel the same, which is a constant sick, sad kind of feeing, and I plan to die as soon as I’ve moved away. I felt so guilty that I’ve been lying to her and my dad about feeling better, and now it’s gotten too a point where I’m too embarrassed and ashamed to confess that I’m still feeling this way. How do I tell my counsellor that I still feel bad? I don’t know if this website is appropriate for this but I don’t have any real people who I can ask right now and I feel the urge to cut.

Ive been thinking a lot of this lately. ever since matric, and uni, I've been so loaded with my procrastination, slow working pace, and poor time management; I felt I was constantly behind and even it's an endless cycle. because of that stress, I was always in my room, glued to one spot fighting myself and fighting with time, motivation and discipline to study (I still am); and I hardly went out of my room, I hardly spent any time with my family, hardly spoke, you know how it goes.

now its long days at uni and endless work and assignments, and nothing has changed since matric. I don't get how I procrastinate so much. I've tried everything - changed study spaces, tried different methods, deleted all social media applications, used timers, read motivational phrases, etc etc. I just can't seem to study and maintain the concentration, the ethic, the discipline. and because of this, I feel like every other time I spend out of my room, my study space, is time wasted and Im running short and I can't stay out here and waste time. I literally don't have any responsibilities around the house, and I feel guilty but also grateful to my parents for being so ..you know. everytime I do go visit my grandmother, who stays right next to our house, she tells me oh I don't even see you anymore. you always so busy. but i die with guilt that they think I'm sitting and hustling and grinding away, when I'm actually studying for 10 mins and the other 4 hours eg, are distractions.

another thing, my siblings hardly see me. I don't see myself playing any role as a sibling, and I'm afraid that they'll lose that already weak connection with me. I come home so tired and stressed that I don't connect, speak, laugh with him. I hate to admit but I don't want them to go out and spend long enough time with another person my age and compare me to that person, saying they wish they had a sibling like that person. I know I'm not enough, I'm not doing enough for them to be close to me to miss my presence. if I'm not there, they've already gotten so used to it, like it doesn't affect me. like they didn't even think about me, forget missing me. and I know my siblings so its about "maybe that's what I think but they could be missing and not saying". I know them. I don't want that me not being there is not even acknowledged. I want tthem to feel my absence, the slight emptiness. and the worst part is I wasn't like this- distant, disconnected with them, obviously.

I'm genuinely really struggling. please help me.

Maybe it is because I have always felt left out in crowds and never found someone who reciprocates the same feelings as me; or I might just have no potential in finding a partner without spiraling. I have been with a guy for 7 months now, he seems very sweet. Although, I have a bad past in my relationships: I have been cheated on, with a narcissist, and assaulted, all these with three different guys. These are probably the reasons I can’t trust my partner.

I am constantly worried about him being attracted to other girls, hating me, feeling annoyed of me, thinking he is going to do something bad to me or my body, and now he stops talking to me exactly at 17:30 and I think he’s growing tired of me. Most of the time I end up getting rid of these suspicions but I cannot shake them off ever. He does what a boyfriend is supposed to do but I just can’t believe he actually loves me.

I’m not blaming him for anything because I know deep down he’s not doing anything but no matter what I get these constant suspicions he likes my friend (which happened with the guy who cheated), he’s irritated with me, or that he is going to do what one of those guys did to me.

I need guidance man :( I don’t know what to do anymore

I’ve been pressured to get a job. What are list of jobs that don’t require working as a cashier or with money? I’m 15 and never had a job and have anxiety working with money. Idk if it’s bc my brain stops working when I’m under pressure or I just learn slow.. and if there are some, will there be times have to be a cashier?

sometimes i just sit there, staring at the wall or my phone or whatever, and feel completely stuck. like there's a million things i could do, maybe even should do, but i got no idea where to even start. it's not even about bein lazy, it's more like bein frozen. like my brain is just goin in circles, thinkin about every bad thing that could happen, every wrong move i could make. nd then it feels easier to just do nothin at all. ppl always say "just pick something" but they dont get it. it aint that easy. when you dont know what to do, even the small things feel like they weight a ton. i try makin lists, i try talkin to friends, sometimes i even flip a coin to decide, but still, most of the time i just feel stuck, like my feet are glued to the floor.

there’s this pressure too, like, if i make the wrong move, its all gonna fall apart. nd that makes it even harder. sometimes it aint even about big life stuff, like careers or school or whatever. sometimes it's dumb little stuff, like what to text someone back, or whether i should go out or stay home. nd the longer i sit there not doin anything, the worse i feel. it's like the weight builds up nd starts crushin me from the inside. ppl say "trust ur gut" but what if ur gut just feels like static, like a radio that cant find a station?? sometimes i wish someone would just grab me by the shoulders and say "do this!" and then i'd at least have a path. but life dont work that way. so i sit here, stuck between every choice, wishin the answers would just fall outta the sky.

one thing i been tryin lately is just movin, even a little. like if i dont kno what big thing to do, maybe i can at least wash the dishes. or walk around the block. or clean my room. nd sometimes, not always but sometimes, doing something small makes the big stuff feel a little less scary. like, okay, maybe i dont kno what to do with my whole life but at least i kno how to fold my laundry. it sounds dumb but it helps a lil. other times, i just gotta let myself sit in the confusion without makin it worse by beatin myself up. it sucks feelin stuck, but maybe sometimes that’s part of it. maybe not knowin is just part of bein human. i dunno. i'm still tryin to figure it out like everyone else.

Dont know how to start, but last year I told my partner to never ever loan money online because I kept on worrying that he would get scammed in instead of getting what he wanted, later on when we were heading home I noticed that he kept hiding his phone from me whenever I would peek, and obviously I noticed something strange as he usually let's me peek to his phone, moving foward is that he told me that he borrowed some money online to buy something that he really wanted (p.s. things are getting a little bit rough fue to financial problems), I was mad but forgave him later on and told him the second time that he should promise me that he wouldn't borrow or loan some money online. Moving foward things are going great we were having fun, but I dont specifically know how I know again but he borrowed money again through online because his reason is that "he was irritated and out of his mind by the we had an argument to each other" which I was angry and a bit sad because firstly notnonly he broke his promise to me but at the same time it feels like it was my fault that we fought to each other. I didn't argue back but just scolded him because it was also affecting me to, as because the cost kept getting higher and he needed help so I lend him some money. I told him the THIRD TIME that he should promise me again and stop spending and start saving money. At this point I dont know why but im slowly losing trust on him whenever he would do something I just kinda accepted it, never argue about it because it will only make things worst.

Recently he reached out to me again that he needed to pay something, which is for the money he borrowed again online, I didn't argue but yet dissapointed, I told him that this time he should pay me back because heck the money he needed to pay is out of my budget, since I "love him" that much I lend him some cash, later on since I was bored I wanted to play with my partner so I asked him out to play with me, and thinking also that he would be easy on me and even be affectionate towards me since I did him a favor and such, i expected too much and didn't gpt that kind of treatment but it's whatever its just a game, during the game there's this figurine he wanted to buy and even told his dad and such and he agreed (p.s. we are only college students that still needed support from our parents) and he wanted to ask the buyer if its still available on the day of his birthday, which he reached out to me needing help to chat the seller and I told him I would do it later as because we were playing, on our last game which he reminded me again that he needed help I told him I would do it later, but he seems soo desperate to ask the seller and decided to ask it himself in a mad tone, which I got angry and he got angry with me saying "I'll do it myself, all ypu wanted to do just to play" which I got furious so I left the game.

Things aren't good with us recently and kept on thinking the things that I have done to him, providing him financial needs whenever he needed to without asking anything in return and even the love that he needed since everything is going rough with him so as much a possible I tried to become supportive, but in return it feels like the more I provide the lesser i get in return, I've been expecting a lot to him, maybe something more affectionate rather than giving me such sexual activities and such, even though i kept telling myself when he's happy then I'm happy but at the same time I don't feel like that.

I can't even confront him my feelings like before, can't even cry out like this in front of him, knowing nothing will happen, I've been distancing my real feelings with him, should I just leave him if this keeps happening, all the vreak prormises that he told me he would srop doing it to me, the things even the little ones he would get angry about, mybfeelings being invalidated knowing if I opened up he will get angry with me or even being dissapointed with me.

I never thought we would end up here. After twenty years of marriage, I find myself lying awake at night, staring at the ceiling, wonderin where it all went wrong. I look over at you sometimes and you’re right there, but it feels like you’re a million miles away. You don’t smile at me like you used to, you don’t laugh at my silly jokes, you don’t touch me just because anymore. And maybe it sounds childish, but I miss that so much. I miss feeling like you saw me, like you actually wanted me around. Now everything feels so cold and routine. We go through the motions—work, dinner, kids, bills, sleep—but the love part? It feels like it’s gone. Sometimes I wonder if you even notice how quiet it’s gotten between us. If you see how hard I’m trying to still reach you through all this distance. Or maybe you do notice and you just don't care anymore. Maybe you just... don’t love me anymore.

I keep telling myself maybe it’s just stress. Maybe it’s just life being hard and busy, the way it gets after so many years. But deep down I feel it. The way you barely look at me when you walk in the door. The way you say “love you” like it’s just another chore to check off. I feel invisible in a house we built together. I try to talk to you, to open up about how lonely I feel, but it’s like you shut down before I even get the words out. You say everything’s fine, that I’m “overthinking” again. But it’s not fine. Not to me. I crave something more than just existing side by side. I want to feel chosen again. Wanted. Loved. I miss the little things—the random hugs, the spontaneous kisses, the way you used to light up just seeing me. I don’t need grand gestures. I just need to feel like I still matter to you, like I’m still the person you dreamed about growing old with. Right now, it feels like I’m just... there. And the hardest part? I still love you so much, and maybe that’s why it hurts like hell to wonder if you don't anymore.

ive always been different. even when i was little i noticed it. i had meltdowns at school and sometimes i would run out of the classroom. everything got too loud and too confusing. kids stayed away from me. some were scared. i got bullied a lot. it made me think something was wrong with me.

i wanted friends. i wanted to be like everyone else. but i didnt know how. it felt like i missed out on learning something everyone else just knew. my parents tried to help. they got me on meds and into therapy. it didnt fix how alone i felt. it just made me feel guilty for being a problem.

growing up i barely had any friends. most of the time i was by myself. even in high school, when it seemed like everyone had groups and plans and people to count on, i had maybe two or three people i could really trust. and even then i was scared. i felt like if they ever knew the real me, they might leave too. and if they did, i would have no one.

im bi but i dont tell people. its not because im ashamed. its because im terrified of losing the little bit of connection i have. i know if i tell the wrong person, i could lose the only friends i trust. and if that happens, thats it. im alone again. completely. and i dont know if i can handle that. id rather hide it and keep something than be honest and lose everything.

the only thing that worked for me was baseball. when i played, i wasnt different. i was just part of a team. ive played since i was a kid. no vacations, no parties, no normal stuff. just baseball.

for a while that was enough.

now i know im probably not going to make it. im not getting drafted. im not going to play pro. and i dont know what to do without it. it was never just a game to me. it was my whole life.

now im studying accounting. im good at numbers, maybe because of my autism. people say its a smart choice. they say it will get me a good job. but i dont like it. its just surviving. working and paying bills and doing it all again the next day. i hate it. i hate that dreams dont matter unless they make money.

i thought about coaching but it doesnt pay enough. so i have to give that up too.

i feel stuck most days. like i missed too much already and now im building a life that wont make me happy. people told me i was going to do great things. and now if im not the best at something, i feel like im nothing.

i dont talk about this much. i dont want to make it anyone elses problem. i dont want to just survive. i want to actually live.

I will only believe a girl likes me if she cries for me. i promise i am not sadistic or anything, i just have BAD trust issues and will only believe someone's love and yearning if they display it loudly and clearly. I don't want to give someone love without the assurance that they love me too. i want to love, but i could never allow myself to love someone if they don't show their love to me first. I don't want to be used, i don't want to be vulnerable. i want to be detached, so when abandonment eventually comes, i won't be as impacted.

i know this might be bad, but the more i watch other sapphics/lesbians like me talk about their painful breakups, the thicker my barrier grows. I don't wanna be hurt, i don't wanna be weak. vulnerability is my biggest fear. but for the sake of not hurting myself, i might end up hurting someone... it always comes to my mind, what if someone truly loves me, but my barrier became way too thick for me to take it?

i have a friend, my only highschool friend, and she said i am her best friend. guess what? it's still hard to believe her. we talk often and frequent the same places, and she's always willing to talk to me unless she's super drained, but i still haven't found the strength to open up fully, because she might disappear anytime. i can't believe I'm more than just "someone she knows". i want to protect myself, but i feel like doing it this way is making me worse. I don't know what to do.

When i was 5 we moved out to a cottage shared by 4 families ( we were friends and yes, there were 4 dif houses) me and those kids had such a grat bond, like when i fought with my mom i would go to their house and stuff. well some years later my dog died and they were the ones to help me out with that as well. After some time, our parents had a fight so we had to move out, so we couldn't speak, after a month it was my birthday and i invited that family at my party . turns out that my mom never actually send the invitation... when i found out i imidiately called the youngest friom the family wich i had the closest bond with and spoke to her .. i couldn't stop crying on this cal... and then after MUCH begging she came over at mine, that was the best day of my life... let's say now we went to church with my school and her school was there too. i asked my teacher with tears in my eyes if i could go say hi and she said no.. then she asked hers and se said yes.. when she came to hug me i started crying and the hole church was looking at me but i really didn't care at all and that is probably going to be the last time i ever see her..