Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 57

So, sometimes I feel quite sad and forgotten when people forget my birthday. Like, I'd cry in my brithday because someone I saw as a close friend completely forgot about it. I mean I know it's normal for people to not remember everyone else's special day, especially if they're busy with life and all. But it still makes me very sad since over the past few years I've made them drawings, custom gifts and animations by myself and they've never remembered my birthday even once for those years. I just wanted them to greet me.

So, I've been rather lonely for the past couple of years. About 6 years, in fact. Physically speaking I am not lonely,I've always had caring family and friends around me. But emotionally, I've felt detached and disorientated for the past few years. I've been mentally unstable,have attempted to kill myself about 3 times, and also self harmed a lot (I've been clean of self harm for a few months, though, fortunately.)

Anyways.For me, nothing beats feeling lonely than playing truth or dare with yourself and postinsetting up questions asking about my own day in a fake chat to try and cheer myself up.I don't understand a few things,to be honest. Why do i feel lonely even though there's so many people keeping me company? What did I do to deserve all these wonderful and caring human beings? Unlike them, I'm nothing good. I'm practically just a worthless parasite, and yet they all put up with me. My family, friends, and practically everyone I know. I don't understand how someone can like something like me. I'm just worthless anyways. But yet I want to be loved. My minds been a conflicting and overwhelming mess for years now, and I still don't know how to manage it. Somedays I find myself getting better. Somedays I find myself back in this loop of confusion and frustration. I don't want to continue being like this. I want to be happy with everyone else. So I guess I'll try again. I've failed, sure, multiple times. But I'll try again. And I'll keep trying. I'm going to die anyways. We all are. So since it's inevitable,might as well give life a small chance.

I don’t know, but even I’m confused about what’s happening. I hope... I really hope my suspicion isn’t true...

That I have a third eye. I don’t want to tell my family because I’m afraid of what they’ll say or that they won’t believe me. Even I can’t believe it myself...

It happened when my family and I attended the funeral of my dad’s friend. His daughter had died by suicide. I remember it was nighttime, and everyone there was busy playing card games and talking. I was sitting alone, using my phone, when I glanced at the coffin. I saw the girl's hand hitting the glass part of the coffin. I didn’t know if I was just seeing things, but after a few seconds, it disappeared like nothing happened.

Sometimes, on my way home from school, I see one or two kids asking for money. They look normal. I was about to give them some coins, but I was shocked when the coin passed right through the child's hand. Right after that, a classmate who was also heading home asked me who I was talking to and who I was giving money to. I told them it was the kid begging for money, but when I turned back, the child was gone. My classmate was even surprised and said they never saw any kid come near me.

I have a gf, and we've been dating for a couple months. I'm kinda uncomfortable with the lovey dovey things but sometimes I'm cool w it. Today I visited her place and told her that I wasn't ready for a relationship and that I may be aroace, this wasn't the first time this happened tho (Our relationship has been an off and on switch mostly because of me, I keep telling her that I'm not really ready for a relationship or that I'm not attracted to her but I still get into a relationship w her just bc of a "feeling").

I don't know why she still wants to be in a relationship with me, it's so obvious that we won't work out. I'm such a jerk really. I hate seeing the look on her face when I tell her that were not gonna work out. I hate it, so so much.

Ignore my grammar mistakes :')

Hey, so I just wanted to share some bad experiences with stress with school and relationships, so I have trust issues but I feel like no body know that because they always tell me to trust them, then also school full on stresses me out because we get a bunch of work piled on to everything we have to do and then by the end of the day I just feel very drained and feel like I can't do anything but then my parents get upset at me for having a messy room, but I don't have any motivation to do anything at the moment because I'm constantly being told to be 100% honest with everyone but I can't do that because they'll just tell everything to someone else and I just don't know what to do now.

I anonymously shared a story here a few days ago about being in a relationship that felt toxic and left me feeling like I was going crazy. I blamed myself a lot, only to realize that, by attempting to fix a relationship in such a broken state and with such a bad history, I was doing myself a disservice. I talked with close friends and made my resolve. I can't leave the toxic relationship right now because of a dependency issue. I will be leaving as soon as I get back my independence. I am making plans already to how I will go about saving up the money and running away without warning. My partner could change and be the person they always should of been, but then that would be far too late for me. It's been 4 years and I feel all the time I had wasted just to feel in the dating stages again for the 8 time or so. I am here to seek advice. I don't want anyone in running away from to suspect anything about me leaving. How to I cope with playing pretend all day and being in tears at night? I feel like I'm not myself anymore and with lots of anxiety about being found out too early. Thank you for taking the time to read this and share perspectives with me.

i checked my email today and noticed that MadeWithGSAP was released last wednesday. i got so excited because i’ve waited 2–3 months for this and wanted to learn more about GSAP’s capabilities (and hopefully i get to learn something in the long run). so, i checked the website out to see if it’s there.

but…that’s when i realized that it’s paid. it’s PAID. €85 for 50 GSAP effects? that’s like ₱5,153.55 here. bruh, that’s 1 1/2 months worth of groceries with that money. i can’t buy it because i’m a first-year college student, and i don’t even have a job yet.

man, that realization really hits me. it made me think about years ago when i’ve vented so much about why almost everything on the internet is expensive here in the philippines. why does life treat me like this?? man, i’ve waited for months and felt a bit of excitement, but all this wait for nothing? what am i going to do with all this? i don’t even know how to recreate those effects just from the previews they have on their website. i just can’t…do this.

Despite people telling me I'm pretty and intelligent, no one has ever been interested in me romantically. They always want me out of interest or for my body. I'm 19, and I'm starting to think that there's something wrong with me as time goes by.

It's true that, since I'm studying at uni, I don't have much time to focus on looking for a relationship, but even so, I think it's quite strange that no one has shown even a bit of interest in getting to know me as a person, rather than just using me. Furthermore, seeing that all my friends have had at least one relationship makes me feel even more "isolated."

I would like to know if this is a normal feeling and how I can improve my situation. Thank you so much.

(this post will be all over the place, I'm so sorry in advance) M17, I'm a failure. Point blank and simple, I can't seem to do anything right. I always forget stuff, simple or not, like hitting the send button sometimes or I leave something at my house whenever I go somewhere. It's so frustrating. And that's not all; My grades are like B's, which isn't that bad, but I am always told that "you're a smart kid" so then why tf am I making straight B/C's? (Anything below a 70 is not accepted in my house btw) I honestly just hate myself, who I am, what I look like, how I act. It's all just, eff me honestly. I'm the class clown, so I'm loud, obnoxious, annoying, and other such. I have a girlfriend, but I am starting to feel like she's drifting away, which makes me so upset, I don't want to lose her, she's been the best thing to happen to me in a long time, but I always try to be supportive, kind, loving and there for her, but I just, idk. I have Narcolepsy and Anxiety, so I'm often tired and stressed about too much. I just want a frickin' break, like seriously, I can't win at anything anymore. I'm so done. I won't k!ll myself because I'm too scared of dieing, but sometimes it's so hard to just exist. Like I just want to escape it all sometimes for like a week or two, that's all I ask, but I know I won't get that. Also college and my career scare me, I have a year left and I still don't know what I want to be, and I feel this pressure that I have to know soon, it's just all so much. If you've made it this far, thank you, I appreciate you wasting your time on me and my emotional prison. I hope you have a good day

i feel like im losing my mind. ive been thinking about this guy constantly for a while even though ive never met him? i havent texted him in nearly a year after he told me he thinks im too young for him but i cant get him off my mind, i just want to meet him. worst part is im already seeing someone whos great and i feel so awful thinking about someone i dont even know! what do i do?!

Me and my partner have been together almost 2 years this year, and recently his mother passed away so I really tried my best to show my support from him and even try to cheer him up, I'm not rushing for him to get better immediately since losing someone you love isn't easy. But by the time he's shwoing positive energy or vibes around me and even saying that he already moved on as I further asked him if he is okay and such, I thought that everything would go back to normal.

Yesterday I accidentally fall asleep because I was really tired, but I didn't chat my partner that I fell asleep and such. So he's been giving me the cold shoulder which i really hate because its hard to make up with him when he's acting like that, but as much as possible I really tried to put my pride down as due to the issue that he is dealing with.

Just today I was asking if he is okay then he lashes out to me entirely on how he waited for hours and I didn't even bother updating him, even a simple one would've been nice he said, which I repeatedly kept saying my reason but he's still angry at me.

This hasn't been the first time that it happened but it's slowly killing me inside, I know that I should consider and try to understand his feelings that's why as much as possible when he's angry at me I dont argue with him and repeatedly kept saying sorry and I'll try to be better. One of the things that has marked my mind is that after I said that I'll be better ge said back to me that "you're only making it worst" and by the time that I need to go hom at his mom's funeral I happen to overhear the word "irritating" which I think he was referring to me because I kept on insisting that I need to go hom because I needed tl do something.

I'm really trying my best even pushing myself out of my boundaries even sometimes disobeying my parents orders just to be with him, it's slowly hurting the pain that I have been repeatedly been feeling over and over and over again keeps building up why is it unfair when it comes to me. Whenever I get angry it doesn't have to be like this complicated and hard to reach out to me why when it comes to him I would struggle a lot.

Im slowly getting tired, I still love him but im getting tired, I want to keep going but it's getting harder and harder.

I just want everything to end

So, I was dating my ex, and my ex bsf told my ex I was cheating on him (I wasn’t and she had no proof she was genuinely mad that I had a very healthy relationship.) and when she tired saying that she was “only trying to help and protect my relationship with a tuff conversation.” But then she chose my ex boyfriend over me, and I put my foot down because he was super toxic and also mentally abused me and used me, so I dropped her. She knows this all so I’m not sure why she dated him, but he didn’t like her (me and him worked things out and are now friends and chill with each other) so I helped him break up with her because why not? She wasn’t my friend anymore so no point. After I broke them up she was only after me. Told my mom I still was okay with my ex, told my mom that I had a boyfriend (she didn’t know because I didn’t think I should’ve told her yet so I didn’t) and she made my life a living hell. She bullied me, said things about me, even told everyone I was a whore and would do anything to get male attention (which she can’t talk, she dated a 53yr man and she stayed with him for months till I told her mom.) I didn’t go to school for weeks because I was so depressed that I couldn’t even get out of bed. But now I’ve gotten revenge. She started smoking, copying my style, and even ended up dyeing her hair the SAME color as mine. Before all of this she never even wore make up, she was trying to one up me. So, I told the school she was selling weed in the girls bathroom (She was dont worry) and I watched officers search her house and so did her mom for the weed. They found a LOT of weed. Almost 2 pounds, i was outside her house with the biggest smile I’ve ever had. And now, she’s been posing as me online and when I got a email (weird social. But ok) from HER boyfriend asking me out and if I’d get with him so ofc me being a decent person, I told my ex bsf about it. She then went around saying I went after her boyfriend and that I stole him from her, which I ended up doing because if she’s gonna say stuff it might as well become true. I then told the school she was bullying me and saying all of this stuff, she even body shamed me, (I’m 155 and she’s like 109, I’m at a healthy weight. She is not (she’s younger than 15 so she’s extremely underweight and she’s always been really insecure about it)) they didn’t do anything. But now she’s begging me almost everyday to be my friend again. (Everyone’s dropping her because she’s always playing the victim and now she’s spreading things about other people as well so their dropping her. She now only has one friend who doesn’t like her but is putting up with her.) they obviously didn’t do anything and so I gave up. She’s still begging for me to be her friend and she’s even tried giving me gifts and money just a bunch of stuff and every time i drop it on the floor, making her pick it up telling her to stop giving me things.

Okay, moral dilemma here. I have two friends, Friend A and Friend B. Friend A came to me a while ago and confessed in confidence that they had feelings for Friend B, and told me not to tell anyone, especially Friend B, because they knew that it wouldn’t work out and that they were trying to save themself the heartbreak by trying to get over them. MEANWHILE, a few weeks after Friend A tells me they like Friend B and are trying to get over them, Friend B comes to me and confesses feelings for FRIEND A, also in confidence. However, Friend B also tells me, pretty distraughtly, that they have been trying to get Friend A’s attention, but have been turned down or ignored each time (remember, Friend A is trying to get over Friend B; they think the best way to do that is by avoiding them) and now Friend B thinks that Friend A hates them. I want to tell Friend B about Friend A’s feelings so that they know that Friend A actually doesn’t hate them, but that would go against Friend A’s wishes. I could also tell Friend A about Friend B’s feelings for them, but that could go badly because 1) it would go against Friend B’s wishes and 2) Friend A is actively avoiding and trying to get over their feelings for Friend B. WHAT DO I DO.

i feel so upset in life, i feel like things at the moment aren't going as plan, i cant be with the person I want t,. I have lost her. I feel very misunderstood at work that i had a mental breakdown on the way home. Lately I've been feeling very unwanted, I wonder if it'll be like this everyday. At times i wish maybe if i wasn't born i wouldn't have to live through this phase of negatively, and unfairness. I feel like im holding myself by a thread, i wonder how long ill keep this for i really hope i have the mental strength because i don't feel like continuing anymore. I wonder if being nice and very respectful is a bad thing now a days, i feel like because of that i have very much suffered from it. i feel used, mistreated, i pray and hope god takes me into a better path. : (

i'm 23M, and i really dont know where to begin. i'd say for the most part my life is pretty good. i have goals and dreams and im passionate about them, but it seems like when i reach a goal or something good happens to me im so burned out from all the previous things i cannot learn to feel truly happy about them. its like im never satisfied with the life i live. i love and cherish life deeply because i know one day there wont be a tomorrow and everything is done. but its seems like mentally im trapped, mentally i cannot learn to appreciate the things i have going on for me. Recently i was told that i would be getting my own full time job position at the end of the month. others happy for me ecstatic even. here i am stuck in this neutral state. like yeah im happy but then i think ? am i really? and then i started to go down a dark mental road. the two things i desire in life is to be in love and to be financially free. two things i know i can achieve but its seems they are never at the same time.... i met someone recently and the energy has been so good and the vibes were awesome to the point where i was nervous/awkward because i really couldnt believe it. things were great until a day or so ago shit just completely 180s the energy is off and i dont get replied to at all. and it angers me because why ? nothing happened from what i know things were great? it makes me so mad because why? why sit here and go throught all this dates and all just to be snubbed. it hurts me because i know the person i am i have morals and good hearted tendencies i would never do wrong unless done wrong. she tells me she manifested me and all of this yet im getting put on the craziest back burner ever... i feel as if im already fed up with it because it seems like time and time again its the same outcome and its like damn am i insane? because its starting to feel like the textbook definition. i know life goes at different paces and im still young but being old and still searching for my one is something i cannot bring myself to do. i feel like im stuck in my head and i have no way to control it. i dont wanna work the hard job for the rest of my life and i dont want to be alone. i know that im not alone because i have people but alone in the sense i have no one to call my own and its the fact that when i find someone its always stripped away from me to the point where i thought i was self sabotaging my relationships. i wish that i knew my fate in world sometimes because it would be enough to just understand that it will be okay in the end. but thats the mystery of the life we live. Life just feels like its becoming boring and just a repeated cycle everyday. wake up, go to work, come home, game, sleep, repeat that shit is boring games arent even fun anymore the thing i loved the most video games are not fun anymore. videos on videos watched to feel nothing but a laugh here and there. and then back in my head. theres no escape from it and i cant take it i just want to be happy. i have exciting news coming friday but im scared that when that time comes itll be another cycle of delayed gratification if thats even the statement for it. i just want to believe that im just going through the motions but im starting to think its more than that. i just want it to stop, im tired of restarting , im tired of the same workplace drama. im tired of the same thing i meet someone things go great it crashes. im tired of the life i live continuously being a dread because im stuck in the same cycle. im tired of saying im gonna do and never do. i just sometimes honestly want to give the fuck up but i know i cant. last night i thought about killing myself as i looked in the corner of my room because it all feels the same nothing makes me happy. i can't even begin to know what happiness is anymore i thought meeting this girl would light that fire in me again because i would know what its like to be wanted to feel loved. to be happy. but i never even got the chance too. my past 3 situationships have done nothing but dig me deeper in the ground. i just want to amount to something. i just want to know what its like to love someone and they love you back. i just want to be able to wake up and both my physical and mental are happy. this life is so precious and i just wonder is this how my life is meant to be spent? why is it like this? when do me and my people start to win? being counted out hurts more than anything it hurts when it feels like not even your friends believe in you because thats what your brain tells you. i know my life has a purpose and i know that all blessings must be counted no matter how big or how small. but im just stuck. im stuck feeling like shit builds up just to crash and burn i hate that my mind is so creative yet so deceptive i hate that it feels like my biggest enemy is myself and i dont know how to defeat him. i want to just be happy again.