Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 57

i used to tell myself it was just a phase. that one day, i’d meet the right person, and everything would just click like it does in the movies. but here i am, years later, still alone, still wondering if maybe this isn’t a phase at all—maybe i’m just gonna be single forever. it’s not like i haven’t tried. i’ve gone on dates, i’ve downloaded the apps, i’ve forced myself into awkward conversations with people who i knew, deep down, weren’t the right match. but it never works out. either i don’t feel anything, or they don’t. or worse, we pretend for a while, but it just slowly fades into nothing. and every time it happens, i start wondering if maybe the problem isn’t them. maybe it’s me.

maybe i’m just not built for relationships. i see other people fall in love so easily, like it’s just something that happens to them. they meet someone, sparks fly, they get into a relationship without overthinking every little detail. meanwhile, i analyze everything. do i even like them? or do i just like the idea of not being alone? will this feeling last, or am i just forcing something because i think i should? and then there’s the other side of it—the fear. the fear of getting attached, of trusting someone, of letting them in just to have them leave. i tell myself i want love, that i want to experience all the things other people talk about, but every time i get close to it, i find a reason to push it away. too busy, too complicated, too much efort. but if i keep doing that, then what? then i will be single forever.

people always say, "you’ll find someone when you least expect it," but that feels like such a lie. it’s not like love is just gonna fall out of the sky and land in my lap. if it hasn’t happened by now, who’s to say it ever will? i try to convince myself that being single isn’t a bad thing, that i should just enjoy my own company, focus on myself. and some days, i belive it. but other days? other days i see couples walking down the street, holding hands, laughing like they exist in their own little world, and i wonder if i’ll ever have that. or if i’m just meant to be on the outside, watching it happen for everyone else but me.

It starts small. So small I almost don’t notice it at first. Just a tightness in my chest, like I’ve forgotten to breathe properly. My thoughts get a little louder, a little faster, like someone pressed fast-forward on my brain and now it’s running ahead of me, out of control. I try to ignore it, tell myself it’s nothing, that I’m fine, but my body has already decided otherwise. My hands feel weird, kinda tingly, kinda numb. My stomach twists into knots, and suddenly I feel like I might throw up, even though I haven’t eaten anything in hours. But the worst part? No one around me has a clue. I could be sitting in a room full of people, having a completely normal conversation, nodding, even laughing at the right moments, and no one would know that inside, I’m barely holding on. That’s the thing about a silent anxiety attack—it doesn’t look like what people expect. There’s no hyperventilating, no shaking, no obvious signs. Just me, stuck in my own head, trying to act normal while my body is screaming at me that something is very wrong.

I’ve gotten good at hiding it. Too good, maybe. I’ve had these episodes since I was a teenager, and over the years, I’ve learned how to perform through them. I know how to keep my voice steady even when I feel like I can’t breathe. I know how to smile and nod while my heart is pounding so hard I swear it’s about to explode. I know how to keep eye contact, to ask the right questions, to seem present, even when my mind is looping through the same terrible thoughts over and over again. What if I pass out? What if I embarrass myself? What if I just lose control completely? And the scariest part? No one ever notices. They just keep talking, keep moving, keep living their lives, while I sit there drowning in my own head. And then, just when I think it can’t get worse, the exhaustion hits. Like my whole body just gives up after the fight. My muscles ache, my brain feels foggy, and all I wanna do is sleep, but I know when I wake up, it could all happen again.

I wish I knew how to stop it. I wish there was a switch I could flip, some way to tell my brain, hey, chill out, nothing’s actually wrong. But logic doesn’t work when anxiety takes over. People say things like just breathe, just relax, but they don’t get it. If it was that easy, I wouldn’t be feeling like this in the first place. I try grounding techniques, counting things in the room, touching something solid, focusing on sounds around me. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it doesn’t. The only thing I know for sure is that I can’t keep living like this, constantly waiting for the next wave to hit. Because that’s the worst part of anxiety—it’s never really gone. It’s always just waiting, lurking in the background, ready to take over the second I let my guard down. And honestly? I don’t know if I’ll ever be free from it.

I love my gf she texts me mid game and i feel special

I feel like I’ve been asking myself this question forever: what does sexual attraction feel like? People talk about it like it’s the most natural thing in the world, like it’s just there, obvious and unavoidable. But for me, it’s never been that way. I hear my friends talk about how “hot” someone is, how they’d love to get in bed with them, how their brain just goes there automatically. And I sit there, nodding along, pretending I get it, but I don’t. Like, I get attraction—I can look at someone and think they’re beautiful, handsome, interesting. I can even feel connected to someone emotionally, like I want to be close to them, to spend time with them, to be something with them. But that pull people describe, that physical craving, that feeling of just wanting someone in that way? I don’t think I’ve ever had that. And I don’t know if that’s normal, if I just haven’t met the right person yet, or if maybe… I’m just wired differently.

I’ve been reading a lot about asexuality lately, and part of me feels like it explains everything. But another part of me is terrified to accept it, because what if I’m wrong? What if I just haven’t unlocked that part of myself yet? What if I’m just a late bloomer and one day it’ll all make sense? I don’t want to label myself too soon and then realize later that I do feel it, that I just hadn’t experienced it yet. But at the same time, how long am I supposed to wait? How long do I keep pretending I understand something that, for me, has never been real? And then there’s the fear of what that means for my future. If I am asexual, does that mean I’ll never find love? Will people see me as broken? Will I always feel like I’m missing some huge, important part of being human? It’s overwhelming. I don’t have the answers, and I don’t know when—or if—I ever will. All I know is that I don’t feel the way most people seem to. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe that’s just who I am. But right now? Right now, I just wish I knew for sure... 😥

What do you think!

My dad has schizophrenia. Ever since childhood it has been my insecurity. One day when I was in class 1 my dad randomly can to my friend and started saying random shit to him and it scared him. I am used to this behavior but many people don't know what schizophrenia is . Similar incidents like this has happened all through my life . Now I am in class 12 and nothing has changed,. This creates negavity in my mind. I feel like people's attitude towards me changes when they come to know about my family situation.

I have toxic family environment so I can't study, they disturb my mental state so I am unable to focus on study and I am stressed if I don't study my future will be spoilt

I keep asking myself this question every day: how to stop worrying about the future? Because honestly, I don’t have a clue. Maybe I used to, back when life felt predictable, when you went to school, got a degree, found a job, and stuck with it until retirement. But now? Now everything is changing so fast, I feel like I can’t even keep up. And it’s not my future that keeps me up at night—it’s theirs. My kids. They’re still young, still in school, but I keep thinking, what will the world look like when it’s their turn to step into it? What will jobs even look like in 15 years? We tell them to study hard, to pick a career they love, but what if those careers don’t even exist by the time they get there? What if everything we’re teaching them now is useless in a world run by AI, automation, and technology that doesn’t even exist yet? It terrifies me. Because how am I supposed to guide them when I don’t even know what’s ahead?

I see it already—companies replacing workers with algorithms, AI writing code, making art, answering customer service calls. I read articles saying entire industries will disappear, that jobs we once thought were secure won’t exist anymore. And the worst part? Nobody seems to know what will replace them. I try to imagine what my kids will do when they’re grown. Will they need a degree, or will universities be irrelevant? Will they compete with machines for work? What if no matter how smart, how hardworking they are, it won’t be enough because the rules of the game will have changed? I want to tell them that if they study, if they put in the effort, they’ll be okay. But I don’t know if that’s true. And that’s what scares me the most. I try to remind myself that every generation has faced uncertainty, that the future has always been unpredictable, that worrying won’t change anything. But the truth is, I feel powerless. I can’t stop the world from changing, and I can’t guarantee that they’ll be ready for it. All I can do is teach them how to adapt, how to think critically, how to keep learning even after school ends. Maybe that’s the answer. Maybe instead of worrying about what jobs will exist, I should focus on raising kids who can handle whatever comes. Because in the end, the future isn’t something I can control—it’s something they’ll have to navigate on their own. And maybe, just maybe, that will be enough.

I never thought I’d be the woman who got divorced in her fifties. When we got married, I truly believed it was forever. We built a life together, raised kids, went through struggles, celebrated milestones. But somewhere along the way, I realized I wasn’t happy anymore—not in the way that could be fixed by a weekend away or a new routine. It was the kind of unhappiness that settled deep into my bones, the kind that made me feel like I was disappearing inside my own life. I stayed for years, telling myself it was just a rough patch, that love looks different after decades together, that comfort is its own kind of happiness. But the truth is, comfort became suffocation. And when I finally gathered the strength to say it out loud—to say I can’t do this anymore—his reaction was exactly what I feared. He didn’t yell, he didn’t fight, but he refused to accept it. As if, by sheer will alone, he could undo what I had already decided. And now, months later, after papers have been signed and our lives have been legally separated, he still looks at me with this quiet disbelief, as if I’ll wake up one day and say, You were right, let’s go back to the way things were. But I won’t.

Every conversation we have now ends the same way, with him saying "I don’t understand how you could do this," and me responding with the only truth I have left to give: "I’m sorry you feel that way." I say it because I don’t have the energy to fight anymore, because I know nothing I say will make him understand, and because, in some ways, it’s easier than admitting I don’t care if he understands or not. I didn’t leave to hurt him, but I also didn’t leave to spend the rest of my life apologizing for saving myself. And that’s what I did—I saved myself. From a life that felt stagnant, from a marriage that felt more like an obligation than a choice. It’s not that I don’t feel anything for him anymore. I do. I will probably always love him in some way, but love and happiness are not the same thing. And I chose happiness. That choice was mine to make, even if he never forgives me for it. So now, whenever he tries to guilt me, to make me second-guess, to make me feel responsible for his sadness, I take a deep breath and remind myself: I gave him years. I gave him chances. I gave him everything I had to give. And now, I choose me. I’m sorry he feels the way he does, but I am not sorry for leaving.

Bro, I swear, I used to be the hustle guy. You know, the dude waking up at 5 AM, hitting the gym, drinking coffee like it was holy water, grinding 12-hour days like I was building the next Amazon. And then I actually did it. Well, not Amazon, but I sold my company, made a nice chunk of cash, and now… I have nothing to do. Like, literally nothing. No deadlines, no urgent emails, no clients screaming at me. Just me, my bed, and the crippling realization that I have absolutely zero reason to get up before noon. And let me tell you, once your alarm clock stops being a life-or-death situation, waking up early becomes the hardest thing in the world. Like, what am I even waking up for? To stare at my ceiling? To scroll Instagram until I question every life choice I ever made? To drink coffee out of boredom instead of necessity? Nah man, my bed is too comfortable for that nonsense. 😴

At first, I told myself it was just a phase, you know? "Take some time off, relax, recharge," all that good stuff. But now? It’s been months, and I have officially entered pajama gremlin mode. My sleep schedule is so messed up that I’m basically nocturnal. I wake up, maybe make a smoothie if I’m feeling ambitious, then somehow the next thing I know it’s 3 PM, and I’ve accomplished nothing except opening 25 Wikipedia tabs about ancient civilizations and debating if I should start a podcast. And don’t even get me started on productivity hacks. I tried setting alarms—snoozed them all. I tried putting my phone across the room—ended up sleeping on the couch so I wouldn’t have to get up. I even tried the whole “just get up and make your bed” thing, but turns out, if you never get up, the bed stays made forever. Life hack? 🤷

And look, I’m not depressed or anything, I’m actually in a great mood most of the time. But there’s just this weird meh feeling when you have no goals left to chase. It’s like playing a video game where you already beat the final boss, so now you’re just wandering around the map, opening random chests for fun. I even considered starting a new business just to have something to do, but the thought of investor meetings and spreadsheets again makes me wanna hibernate permanently. Plus, what would I even start? "Sleepy CEO Coaching"? "How to Wake Up Late and Still Succeed"? 😂 Nah, man. Maybe I just need a new hobby or something. People say “travel the world”, but traveling alone sounds suspiciously like a lot of effort, and I’m pretty sure I’d just end up sleeping in different time zones instead.

So yeah, how to get out of bed? No clue. If you got tips that don’t involve waking up at ungodly hours or having an existential crisis, let me know. Until then, I’ll just be here, vibing in my blankets, waiting for life to give me a reason to put on pants again. 😆

Everything for me has been so stressful. My friends at school, they can't stop bothering me every single moment of the day. Sometimes, they can't stop talking about random things that no one asked about, and theres times where they just forget I'm here. I kind of stand around every time they have a conversation, but every time a conversation actually includes me, It gets a bit boring or inappropriate. I recently got myself a boyfriend, but I wanted to keep it private and only share it between them. Of course, some of them can't hold a secret and told people. I got so mad, but I eventually worked it out, although I'm still really mad at her and now I feel like I can't share anything to anyone, which is usually a way that helps me deal with things. My boyfriends friends as well, they get really annoying and make weird comments every single time. I just don't feel like I have proper relationships with anyone.

I also do competitive sports, and I'm moving houses, so I also have to change sport clubs. I did a few trial lessons, and I hate that I can't talk to anyone. Everyone already knows each other, and I'm just.. there. I used to be so excited about all these things and now, I just feel broken. I have to leave all my current friends, who I have known for around 2-4 years, and none of them are coming with me. Every part of my social life is kind of falling apart and I just need help. I don't want to reach out for it because when my friends find out about this and get worried, they get all clingy, which I don't like at all.

I don’t even know why I do it. Like, every time someone actually tries to be my friend, I just… ruin it. It’s not like I want to be alone, but for some reason, I always end up pushing people away. At first, things are fine, we talk, we laugh, they seem cool, and then my brain starts freaking out. What if they don’t actually like me? What if I say something stupid? What if I annoy them and they just pretend to be nice? And then, instead of just going with it like a normal person, I start acting distant, stop replying to texts, avoid them in class, and before I know it, they move on. And I pretend like I don’t care, but deep down, it sucks. It’s like I’m stuck in this loop where I want friends but also push them away the second they get too close.

It’s not even like people are mean to me or anything. I see them hanging out in groups, making plans, posting about it online, and I wonder what that even feels like. To just be able to connect with people without overthinking every little thing. When someone sits next to me in class and actually starts a conversation, I panic. My brain starts screaming say something normal!! don’t be weird!! and then I either go completely silent or just say something so awkward that the conversation dies right there. And then I feel even worse. It’s like, I could be making friends, I should be, but something in me won’t let it happen. Like I don’t deserve it or something.

And then when I actually do let someone in, I mess it up in a different way. I start testing them without even realizing it. Ignoring texts to see if they’ll double text. Cancelling plans just to see if they really wanna hang out. Being all moody and distant to see if they’ll put in the effort to ask what’s wrong. And if they don’t? Then I tell myself see? they don’t actually care. But like, why would they? Why would anyone wanna keep trying with someone who keeps shutting them out? It’s not fair to them. And it’s definitely not fair to me, because in the end, I’m the one who ends up alone.

I keep thinking maybe it’s just safer this way. Like, if I don’t let people in, they can’t hurt me. I don’t have to deal with the drama, the fights, the feeling of someone just getting bored of me and leaving. But then I look around and see everyone else with their inside jokes, their sleepovers, their dumb little traditions, and I realize I’m missing out. Even when I’m in a crowded room, I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. And I hate that feeling. I hate watching from the sidelines, pretending like I don’t care when I really do. But at the same time, I don’t know how to stop being like this.

So yeah, why do I push people away? I wish I knew the answer. Maybe I’m scared of rejection, maybe I just don’t trust people, maybe I’ve just been alone for so long that I don’t even know how to let someone in anymore. But whatever the reason, I’m tired of it. I don’t wanna wake up one day and realize I spent my whole life shutting people out just because I was scared of getting hurt. I wanna be better. I just don’t know where to start.

I swear I tried everything, but nothing ever works out for me. Every time I start something new, I suck at it. People always say "oh, you just need to practice" or "you’ll find your thing, don’t worry," but what if I don’t? What if I’m just bad at everything? I tried studying different subjects but nothing sticks. Math? Forget it, I barely pass. Writing? Takes me forever to put a single sentence together, and it still sounds dumb. Science? Idk, all the terms just go in my head and disappear like five seconds later. And don’t even get me started on anything artistic. I can’t draw, I can’t play music, I don’t have any of those creative talents people show off online. I look around and see everyone has something, like they’re naturally good at sports or coding or fixing things, and here I am, struggling to even find one thing I don’t completely suck at.

It’s not just school either. I tried manual work, like building stuff, and I always mess up. My dad once tried to teach me how to fix a sink, and somehow I made it worse. Tried helping a friend with his car and nearly broke something expensive. People tell me "just use your hands, it’s not that hard," but my brain don’t work that way. It’s like my hands and my head don’t connect properly or something. Even basic stuff, like learning to cook, I mess up. I once burned pasta—pasta bro, how do you even do that?! I feel like no matter what I try, I fail at it. And then I see other people who don’t even try that hard, but they’re just naturally good at stuff, and it makes me feel like maybe I’m just not meant to be good at anything. Like some people are just born talented, and then there’s people like me who can’t even figure out what they’re supposed to do in life.

I wish I had at least one thing, just something I could say "yeah, I’m good at this." But everything I try just proves over and over that I’m just average at best, useless at worst. It’s like I’m stuck in this loop of trying, failing, feeling like crap, then trying again because people say "don’t give up," and failing again. It’s exausting. And what scares me the most is that I have no clue what I’m gonna do in the future. Like, how do you pick a career when you suck at everything? How do you even function in the world when you got no skills? I don’t wanna be a loser my whole life, but at this point, I honestly don’t know what else to do.

I met a guy online a little bit ago and we quickly discovered we had a lot in common and liked talking to each other. We eventually made plans to meet in person. (We confirmed we both were who we said we were and did all the proper safety steps like meeting in public etc) I traveled to where he lives. ( I know now that I should have had us meet halfway in a neutral location but it is what it is now.) we met in a public location and we had hugged and kissed and chatted a bit. He was very sweet but it was a little awkward. I figured maybe we just needed to get used to the in person dynamic. Things improved after a little bit of talking.I was feeling more confident. This is where things went south, I know I shouldn’t have but I did let him convince me to hook up with him at my hotel. I was incredibly uncomfortable and he even said he could tell I was uncomfortable. Not to mention it hurt horribly because he was very rough. He also said right after that he kept having flashbacks of his ex during it. We met up the next day for lunch and right in public he tells me he felt nothing when we did romantic stuff but he did like hanging out with me. I was floored by his coldness and the fact he would do that in a crowded restaurant. It was a relief in a way though because I felt uneasy about him to say the least. Intraveled home early and we have spoken since and he once again told me he could tell I wasn’t ready and that I was uncomfortable when we hooked up and that I was “lucky to have discovered that with him and he was caring enough to be patient with me”. I had tried to bring up some feelings I had from the whole thing like that it effected my confidence and he said it wasn’t fair to him for me to have feelings about the whole thing because he was moving on too. Am I wrong for feeling so torn up and gross about this experience? What do you think?

My partner always invalidate my feelings. He just brush it off whenever I start telling him of how he made me feel an outsider on our relationship and was never appreciated and cared for. I am so done!