School Stories - page 6

Man, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I swear, I try so hard, I put in the hours, I do the work, but somehow it’s never enough. I thought I was smart, or at least average, but ever since I started my engineering studies, it’s like I’m constantly the dumbest guy in the room. I sit in class, listen to the professor explain something, and literally nothing clicks. Then I look around and see everyone nodding like they get it, asking these super technical questions that I don’t even understand enough to know what they’re talking about. I go home, rewatch the lectures, read the textbook, even look up YouTube videos that break it down in a way a 5-year-old could understand. Still nothing. It’s like my brain just refuses to process anything beyond basic math and physics. And don’t even get me started on exams. I walk in hoping for at least a decent grade, and every time, it’s like my mind goes blank. Half the questions look like they were written in another language, and even when I think I know the answer, I second guess myself so much that I end up changing it to the wrong one. I see other people finishing early, walking out looking all confident, and I’m still sitting there, staring at my paper like it’s gonna start answering itself. I try telling myself I just need to study harder, but I do study. Hours and hours, every single day. So if I’m putting in the effort and still failing, then... why am I stupid?

It’s not even like I’m lazy. I’ve seen people who barely study, who just skim through the materiall the night before and somehow pull off good grades. Meanwhile, I’m grinding like my life depends on it, and I still barely scrape by. My friends try to be nice about it. They say stuff like, "Bro, engineering is just hard for everyone, you’ll get there," but then they turn around and ace every assignment while I’m still stuck on step one. I don’t wanna be the guy who holds the group project back, but I can feel it happening. The way they explain things to me, the way they “help” but end up just doing the work themselves because I’m taking too long. It’s humiliating. I used to think I was good at problem-solving, but now every problem just feels like a dead end. I see my classmates who are actually passionate about this stuff, who spend their free time building things, programming just for fun, and I can’t relate at all. I don’t enjoy this. It’s just constant stress, constant failure, and I don’t even know why I’m still here. If I’m struggling this much now, how the hell am I supposed to survive the next few years? And then after that, actually work as an engineer? No company’s gonna wanna hire the guy who barely made it through college.

I keep wonderingg if I should just quit. Maybe this isn’t for me. Maybe I’m just not smart enough to do this kind of work, and I should accept that before I waste even more time and money. But then what? It’s not like I have some other passion waiting for me. Engineering was supposed to be the plan, the safe choice, the thing that would guarantee a good job. If I walk away from this, then what do I even do? My parents would be disappointed, I’d have to start over with something new, and I have no clue what that would even be. I don’t wanna be a dropout. I don’t wanna be a failure. But I also don’t wanna keep feeling like this, like I’m just too dumb to be here. I keep hoping one day it’ll just “click,” that suddenly things will start making sense, but I’m starting to think that’s never gonna happen. Maybe some people are just not meant for this kind of stuff, and I’m one of them. And honestly, if that’s true, then I don’t know what I’m supposed to do next...

So here it goes...I am in college right now and we make friends in the first semester and hope to remain as friends throughout college life. But here is the twist, my friend told that I am not "fun" enough for as in comparison to a guy and her relative who was also a friend of mine felt the same and both of them completely stopped talking to me. I asked why did they do so and they cited this reason. Now I have no friends in college because I am such an introvert. I feel like a failure at this point. I felt so hurt but I can't just think about them. I have my whole life to be sorted...finish college, get a nice job and make my parents proud. I also give auditions to sing an I did not get selected for that either. I have just lost hope in my life now. I just wanted to vent this out and remove this negative feelings out of my body once and for all.

OKKK so like I would appreciate if I got into a good post-secondary school(I’m not looking like ivys, Harvard, Stanley etc) so like what are some stuff I can do now? Like the reason I’m even thinking of these is because like my parents say I have to do sports so I can get a scholarship to yk , and like I HATE SPORTS any sort of. But I lwk care about my future so what are some stuff I can do that can get me into a good PSS like I get I may not get a scholarship if I don’t do sports but atleast something that would look good on my application. Ok so personally I’m into any creative stuff (drawing etc) but i will be open to anything EXCEPT sports.

So I'm continuing a rant I made on here I accidentally posted unfinished (here it is, btw)

So basically, I'm in online class due to having this heart problem that's called VSD (ventricular septal defect), and it makes me lose my breath easily, and I get palpitations every time I run. So there's no hope of actually going to face-to-face schools due to walking long hallways and going up stairs. And there's barely anyone in my online class that I can be friends with. It makes me feel a little lonely, and I'm an introvert. But just because of the sole reason of wanting to be alone, I don't want to be lonely, y'know? And because my class starts from 8am to 4pm, I have to stay home for 8 hours, which makes me feel a little isolated inside my house. And when I go out, I can barely even have fun anymore since I always lose my breath so easily. I can't even swim in cold pools and beaches since I get cold so easily. At family gatherings, I can barely even hang out with my cousins since they go out every night. I can't, though. It's basically because I get cold so easily and I can quickly get sick and have a runny nose. I barely even have any friends to talk to; last time I went to school when my disability wasn't a challenge, I had tons of friends. But now, I've only had one friend from my old school that still keeps in touch with me. And she has regular class, so I can't really chat with her every day. Plus, I barely know anyone that shares the same interests as me. Sometimes during online classes, I use my phone during lessons. And technically, every now and then I use my phone to cope with the fact I barely have any friends to talk to and have fun with because I find it fun to use my phone since it's not reality; it's the opposite. It's getting out of reality.

Now getting to my main point, I feel so lonely. Like even an online class is isolation at this point. It's the reason I'm an introvert. At this point, I was made to be an introvert. I'm always alone; I barely talk to anyone anymore; I barely talk to my only friend because I have no enthusiasm to hold a conversation these days... I feel like something's wrong with me. I feel so bad for ignoring her. But I can't find any joy in continuing to talk to her. I don't know what to do. She's so kind too. She's my best friend. She doesn't even know my disability. I keep it a secret since I feel like she'll judge. But I know she won't. I just don't know why I continue to not tell her. I feel so bad. And I feel like my online class is the reason. I feel so isolated, I can barely have fun anymore. I can't even hang out with people my age in my neighborhood due to my disability. So I just stick to cellular devices. I hate online classes. I skip. And now I regret it. I've already been scolded for doing so. But I still keep doing it. It's causing my academics and grades to crumble. I do bad at school now, even before I skipped online classes. I always used to be a 90+ in my old school. Now I'm an 80-91 student. I hate everything about online classes. The school, my teachers, the isolation I feel, the loneliness, my grades—I feel so insecure. And the only reason I accepted going to this school and taking online classes was because I had no choice. My other school's tuition was something my parent's could barely afford. And the online class thing, it's because of my disease. I turn to God and worship him so I wouldn't get in trouble. I would pray I didn't. Plus, just now, I had a grade of 76, and my mom is asking the teacher's if I'm doing something wrong. I am; I'm still skipping. And I feel like I'll get in trouble today. Plus, I have exams next week. Am I just overdramatic because I'm young? I'm not even a teenager yet, nor older than 12. Am I just overreacting? I actually need help on this topic. I'm too scared to even vent to my mom since I keep every emotion bottled up. I want to cry every day. I feel so bad. I feel so guilty for skipping school now.

So basically, I'm in online class due to having this heart problem that's called VSD (ventricular septal defect), and it makes me lose my breath easily, and I get palpitations every time I run. So there's no hope of actually going to face-to-face schools due to walking long hallways and going up stairs. And there's barely anyone in my online class that I can be friends with. It makes me feel a little lonely, and I'm an introvert. But just because of the sole reason of wanting to be alone, I don't want to be lonely, y'know? And because my class starts from 8am to 4pm, I have to stay home for 8 hours, which makes me feel a little isolated inside my house. And when I go out, I can barely even have fun anymore since I always lose my breath so easily. I can't even swim in cold pools and beaches since I get cold so easily. At family gatherings, I can barely even hang out with my cousins since they go out every night. I can't, though. It's basically because I get cold so easily and I can quickly get sick and have a runny nose. I barely even have any friends to talk to; last time I went to school when my disability wasn't a challenge, I had tons of friends. But now, I've only had one friend from my old school that still keeps in touch with me. And she has regular class, so I can't really chat with her every day. Plus, I barely know anyone that shares the same interests as me. Sometimes during online classes, I use my phone during lessons. And technically, every now and then I use my phone to cope with the fact I barely have any friends to talk to and have fun with because I find it fun to use my phone since it's not reality; it's the opposite. It's getting out of reality.

How can i get more things and be more productive when i feel so tired and overwhelmed and nervous all the time? I feel so horrible and i want to hide away from everyone and everything.

Things are Just too much right now. And i never know what to do. Sometimes the only things i can manage Is either sleeping for almost the whole day or shutting my brain off looking at my phone or Just pacing around my house.

I'm so tired. I felt tired for so long now. It's so hard to find energy or motivation when i feel like doing Is Hide and sleep for the rest of the day. I am trying to be better but it Just doesn't work. Everything Just feels so tiring. It feels like everything Is falling apart at the seams all at once.

Honestly, there is more than just my school that i wanted to talk about, so ill put it in also right after school, first thing is that in school, im always told by my friends that most of our classmates or people in the school hate me, only cause they say im over dramatic, a main character, and more, i guess its cause im the only one who tells them to be quiet of fix the chairs when its required…

But its not like i dont know about this before my friends told me, i know people hate me, i always hear them whispering my name, mimicking my voice or even hearing my friends tell me they heard them say fat jokes about me, like that i only came to the certain event for the food..

I would tell a teacher, but i worry ill get hated even more… and its hard already considering most of the people there hate me, and i wont be able to tell my family either, cause last time i did they keep cutting me off and get mad when i snapped at them or tried stopping them from spreading their version of my story, where it would seem like im the one at fault…

But it might be true though, what if im the cause of such things?, what if even if i try doing it cause its good, ill only be seen as annoying?… what if im not soft hearted and in fact im just the over dramatic freak they say that cries or gets mad too easily?

What if when i tried venting to my friends, they were correct when they told me im the reason for such things and that im the cause of family drama, and that it is all in my head?…..

Its easier to tell these through a message than to speak them, after all, i have no one left to talk this to, and if i tried getting therapy, my family would call me crazy… what could i possibly do?….. and am i too young and just misunderstanding everything even though i have felt this way for years now?….

Like why tf couldn’t he just be taller 💔 wasted opportunity (not like anything actually gonna happen if he was tho 😭🙏)

Ok so I actually just downloaded this app just to get this of my chest . OK SO LIKE THERES THIS BOY AND LIKE YK SINCE LAST SEMESTER/YEAR HE DEFINITELY STARES AT ME like honestly I wouldn’t totally mind it but HES SHORTER THAN ME AND LIKE NOT EVEN MY HEIGHT LIKE NO. ITS JUST UNCOMFORTABLE BUT LIKE HE DID AND EVEN THOUGHT WE AREN’T IN THE SAMR CLASSES ANYMORE HE LWK DOES STARE AT ME. Like this is something I would usually rant to friends about but I don’t have any <3 ok Sooo back to him like he definitely fine BUT HES SHORT and even at first I was like why is he staring like I’m literally taller than u 😭 BUT ITS NOT JUST THAT like once last year he was staring at me as I was getting stuff out of my bag and like I stared at him too AND BRO HE CLEARLY AINT SHY ABOUT IT BC HE KEPT ON LOOKING THE AUDACITY. I fumbled tho and looked away 💔 WELL I JUST WANNA RANT THAT WHY TF COULDN’T HE BE TALLER💔💔💔💔 man ig he’d continue id prob HSVE a crush on him for the rest of the year (is this technically a crush??? I HOPE NOT💔) also like yes I have ranted b4 and some one was like ‘just move on’ AND IM TRYING TO BUT FIRST I NEED TO PROCESS THESE EMOTIONS but I do kinda need advice on it tho like today as I was getting ready to leave I’m not entirely sure but i high-key felt a glance AND BRO I ALMOST DID DMT EMBARRASSING INFRONT OF HIM(thank God that didnt happen 🫡) and I DID NOT LOOK AT HIM. So Yhh that’s my rant

Whenever I get depressed I want to cry but if I do I find myself wanting to drown in my tears all my life I've told to stop crying and toughen up. Is this fair to you? I can't help that I'm sensitive. I once didn't smile for a little while and I went pale to my friends bc I always would smile and be happy but how am I supposed to be when everything is after me

since 4th grade I've been getting bullied but I once prayed to god to make me more pretty but I didn't get it I got self-confidence and idk if that was actually god bc I'm religiously neutral but I don't know what changed

I'm a graduating student this year but the college I'm attending is combined with its own high school, elementary and daycare. It gets pretty hectic during school events but on weeks with regular agenda, it's mainly a shitshow waiting to happen.

Apart from having innocent professors get blame for fuckery they didn't do, the classes are downright useless and a waste of time. The instructors are awesome but their subjects need to go to hell.

But what really takes the cake right now is its most recent nightmare fuel: receiving only one day of no classes (when it's supposed to be three) after the school games that stole everybody's Saturday and Sunday wrapped up.

In case it wasn't clear enough, this school is run by a Catholic reverend so you can tell he's a royal pain in everybody's ass. If you are truly devoted to beliefs, this guy can inspire you to turn your back on all of that and be an atheist. I swear, he's such a fucking joke that isn't funny.

Apparantly, the school games weren't good enough for his pompous ass because nobody was cheering until their voices were hoarse and because the events themselves didn't receive as much praise as he wanted. So, as punishment, we only got Monday free and then classes resume immediately.

My birthday celebration falls on that date, which is what pisses me off. I was promised Monday, Tuesday and fucking Wednesday off but leave it to Mr. Holy Water to fuck up the plans. What a waste of a good fucking outfit and a good fucking time with friends. I hope that alcoholic son of a bitch takes his blessed microphone and stick it up his Oh-So-Holy ass.

Can't wait to graduate and get the fuck out of this hellhole. I can only have fun with friends at a limited time, because every single fucking meeting or event requires attendance sheets. Every absence will cost you money.

FUCK THE SCHOOL, FUCK THE DIRECTOR, FUCK HIS PUBLICITY, FUCK EVERYTHING HE STANDS.

This sort of involves two things so basically, i had a maths test which i had been away to learn one of the topics and this topic took up two pages of my five page test, so i skipped the pages and i wouldn't say i did particularly well on the rest three so my estimated score is 20-30 percent. Im in one of the two advanced maths classes and my teacher is trash but that's not the point.

Today i heard from my friend who is in the other advanced maths class and before they had even gotten their results for the same test, their teacher literally announced the worse scores and who got them IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS, WITH THE GOAL OF HUMILIATING THEM. The person who got the lowest score, I'll call him James, he got a 50 percent score. Keep in mind that it's advanced so it's basically a 60-70 percent standard score. The teacher bullied him in class. Literally. She purposely picked on him to answer questions with just a "you know why I'm picking you". In the school hallway, she pointed at him and said "look it's the boy who brought the class average down" and a whole lot of similar stuff. On Friday after another humiliating comment was thrown at him by the teacher, James snapped and shouted back. The teacher apologised after but i don't think that this sort of behaviour is excusable with just an apology. If a student were to ridicule another student the same way that she had, they would've faced a detention at least. And the fact that she didn't think of a way to help James, she just ridiculed him is disgusting and not something a teacher should do. She never thought that maybe the student wasn't bad, It was her teaching that was the problem.

That exact teacher is my homeroom tutor. Tomorrow we get our results but she probably already knows mine and i don't even want to imagine what she'll do to me if she did that to James who got a 50. Im not in her maths class, I'm in her pcg. She keeps saying to me that i better get a 100 because i skipped the swimming carnival.

Due to my best friend aka the person I loved so so so so so much leaving me saying he didn't care and that I was a B I t c h I tried to kms but didn't due to the fear or pain

I’m feeling really suicidal and I’m just finding more and more stuff out and it’s just making it so much worse. I’ve been crying all week and no one to talk to. I’m scared to go to school, I’m scared of confrontation, im scared of looking people in the eyes in the hallway, I’m trying so hard. Way too hard. I’m slowly starting to go non-verbal and I haven’t said a word to anyone since Thursday. I’m pushing everyone out because I’m afraid to annoy them or be too much, my personality has completely changed and now even Lenny’s talking about me, I feel like no one really likes me and I’m freaking out every time I’m in a class with people I know for sure don’t like me and I start going non verbal and I have been skipping class because I know no one in there likes me in the slightest bit and I’ve been skipping classes because of people in there, when I lost my earbud on Thursday I started hyperventilating and I had a panic attack because I couldn’t listen to music. I’m turning my personality completely around and I can’t stand it. I live for talking, if I could I would talk to a deaf person in sign language just to talk some more. I only ever remember me being a sweet, kind, caring, talkitive girl. I thought I was pretty, I thought I would be liked. I completely changed everything just to be liked and it all was lost. All of my achievements are gone and I have to restart. I can’t think of any other way to dress, to wear makeup, how to talk, what words to use, what slag to use I have no idea how.i want to go back to my 5th grade self when literally everyone liked me and knew who I was and loved me. I don’t even have my own small group of friends anymore.