School Stories - page 4

its like no one understands me or my struggles. sounds like im a pick me but its true. ive got no one to talk to, to trust. everyone would tell the nearest asshole about how "emo" i am for my struggles. my country does not take self harm well. youd get called out in your schools hallways or get called emo constantly. most adult tell you youre seeking attention and ignore your struggles. i constantly self harm. it calms me down seeing the blood drip from my arms. i have always loved blood, i dont know why. ive always intentionally made myself bleed to drink it. or just to look at it. maybe its cause my experience with hostpitals from a young age. my sister got terminally sick when i was 5. i was in and out of school to visit her. she went to hostpitals all over the country. my family once forgot me in a hostpital. but ive been there so much that i practically knew my way around. nurses were always sweet and kind. always had a look of pity because of my sister. they knew she would never make it. maybe people would understand a litle if they knew my whole story. but no one ever looks at the big picture. they just look at the ugly parts AND THEN HAVE THE AUDACITY TO JUDGE YOU. i hate people, idc if this gets rejected atleast someone read it if it did.

This one will be short.

In preschool... They say it gets better in elementary school.

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It doesn't😑.

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In elementary school... They say it gets better in middle school/junior high.

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It doesn't😑.

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In middle school/junior high... They say it gets better in high school.

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It doesn't😑.

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In high school... They say it gets better in community college.

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It doesn't😑.

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In community college... They say it gets better at University.

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It doesn't😑.

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They say it gets better once you start working after college.

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I honestly don't know if it does... But if my track record is the same... Then...

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It doesn't😑.

But that could just be me... I'm happy and jealous of all those who are successful in the school and career lives!! Hats off to ya! A round of applause! Wolf whistle in the back!

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I sad🥲.

Basically at my high school we all have majors, I am a tech major. We have this project that’s due nearing the end of the year. The project being creating a mechanical or electrical work of your own. The issue is, I’ve never managed to do anything good at all for this project. It’s my senior year and know they’re asking me to do 2 of them and I just can’t. I feel so ashamed and like such a failure of a person because I can’t do what everyone else can. In my freshman year they just stuck me with another group because I couldnt fucking do anything right. They always act like I’m supposed to be this genius and I’m just an idiot. And since now I’m a senior they won’t accept anything that isn’t “senior quality” and it’ll be a zero. I fucking hate my life and this school I don’t why I haven’t given up yet. I’m tired of not being good enough.

I don't have a job

I have a shitty GPA

My friends all have friends that they like more than me

I’ve never held someones hand

I’ve never kissed someone

or had sex

or gone on a date

I’ve never gotten drunk

I've never gone to a real party

I can't drive

I can't make a phone call without feeling nauseous

I can’t go to gym class

I can't watch what I eat no matter how hard I want to diet and how much I hate myself everytime I take a bite

I can't be bothered with school

I don't have the money for college

I’ll never look the way I want to look

I’ll never be famous

I’ll never meet anyone famous

I’ll never have kids

I’ll never be rich

I probably won't even ever be “upper middle class” or “comfortably rich”

I’ll never not have a roomate

Being trans is literally illegal

and its not like I can just not be a guy

I’ll never be able to get on a plane

So I’ll never be able to leave

I can't see a future

I can't see one year from bow

I can't see myself graduating

I won't be able to pay for college

Once FAFSA and the DoE are disbanded

I can't even be bothered to sit up

And grab the blanket

At the end of my bed

Because my hair is wet

And I’m cold

How am I supposed to do anything when everyone I know is everything I wish I was and there's no way to go back in time and do everything

I am not a good person. At all. That's all i can't think about. I can't move i can't do anything all i can't think about Is that i ruined so much for so many people. I can't stop imagining just how much better things would be If i wasn't here. I ruin everything no matter how much i try. Everytime i mess up and ruin everything for everybody. I'm too scared to get out of this bathroom, i'm too scared of everything that Is going to happen. Everything Is so overwhelming. There's so much work and so many tests. I don't have the capabilities for this. I can't make It. I don't even know how i made It here. Three years ago i had promised myself it would be different. I promised myself that these years would be different, that this school would be different, that i would be different. And i tried i really tryed to keep that promise but i failed. I fell back into the same spiral. I broke my promise. I dissapointed everyone including myself. My grades a crashing. Everyone hates me. And i'm ruining the relationship ship i had with the one friend i had after i gave my all to be friend her for two years and a half. Right now i Just want to stay in this bathroom and stare at wall. And just never get out. I Just want to hide. Dissapear. It would be better for everyone If i wasn't here.

Before the school year ended, I tried to run for a leadership position in our school, specifically the head role of our organization. I attained it by winning the elections, and I was the only one who ran for it. And obviously, I was the one who was going to win because of it. Afterwards, I represented my org for 4 months and didn't plan to resign because I actually found my passion in this position. I planned projects, organized the turnover files, and assisted my organization in its events. I also was able to appoint my secretary, which took me a while for some reason. Everything was going fine and smooth not until I did something that violated one of the school rules. It was before entrance exams, I was struggling to get resources for my review and due to pressure I did something out of desperation. I snuck a book from the library inside my bag and tried to keep it at home. I was caught by the alarms just as when I was about to go out. I returned it as soon as possible and was anxious on what happened. Due to this, I was obliged to undergo a disciplinary intervention for three days. Just as when I thought everything is going to be fine after I finished this, the council moderators was also informed about the incident. And because of the council rules, anyone who committed something like this should be relieved from the leadership position. I was so disappointed and hated myself for few weeks. Then, the council moderator decided to have a meeting with me and my fellow officers about the position being vacant. I just said to them that I resigned, no other explanation. But deep inside, I let them down. I know I could have done better. I know I could have avoided that situation. Fortunately enough, they still value me, but not all of them. Some of them lost respect for me because I am not the head anymore, and it was all so sudden. I am also having a hard time detaching myself because I also want to contribute and compensate after I stepped down. It all goes back and forth. I really shouldn't have ran for the position in the first place. I hear voices like these. I didn't even deserve my position and that I was only there for a show. I didn't even achieve the projects I have in mind. How can I even move forward? Yes, I want to volunteer and help my core officers but everytime I do so, I hear voices that why am I still here? It's my last semester in this school and it's hard to feel this way everyday, especially since I lost my confidence at the same time I lost my position.

Let's try this again, since when I wrote yesterday, no one really understood what I meant. I'll elaborate to my first post called, "Rambling with a 13 year old girl". My nickname is Tomato, since that was what my old friends used to call me. My old friends have spoken badly about me and I don't feel comfortable being in the group anymore. I think very deeply for someone who is 13 years old, but, of course, I am not fully mature. I still don't see meaning in doing some work and I blame other people for things I do. I am mature in the way that I don't fall in love with people for no reason; I look at their personality first. The same goes with friends. I take record of bad traits in people. Because of this, I have come to a realization. No one in my tiny private school is someone I want to be associated with. Outside of school, I only have 2 friends. Those 2 friends are constantly busy and 1 of them lives pretty far away. Sure, with all of this going on, I could have faked being in love with Gold just to take my mind off of life. Even so, I have shown all the signs of being in love. I, at first, idolized him. I thought he was perfect. Then, I disliked him when I saw his flaws. And finally, I love him now, with his imperfections and all. He stands up for me. He was raised well. He is hardworking. Gold is the first piece of gold I saw in the cave of life and an explorer snatched the gold away when I wasn't looking. No one, not even my family, understands and they never will.

Hello guys. I like someone in my school. Actually, I love him. I'll refer to him as Gold, since he would wear a gold chain with his rapper costume every year on Halloween. He has the cutest chubby cheeks, the sweetest smile, and is generally super attractive in my eyes. Gold has been my family friend since preschool and I only really started liking him during late 7th grade. To the few people I told, they judged me for liking him. He 100% does not like me back because my facial acne is way too bad and I am ugly. If that wasn't bad enough, he has a girlfriend now and I don't know what to do. I can't get over Gold, no matter how hard I try.

IT'S THIS DAMN GUY AGAIN

And if you think talking about him this much is bad, just imagine what my friends have been going through for MONTHS

HE'S SO FINE

How tf do I get over someone?

What I've realized from this man is that you don't always need to have what you want. Yes, I wanted to pursue him in anyway I can, but he made it clear that he didn't wanna talk to me, and that's fine. I have been thinking about so many things that would make our friendship hard anyway. Being trans is who I am and when I asked him about how he felt about trans people, he left me on sent and didn't respond. It wouldn't've been beneficial or wise to my mental health to seek camaraderie in someone like that. While I still think about him and what could've been, I think it's for the best that it remains a mystery.

A few months ago, at the beginning of my sophomore year, I met this guy. He had amazing hair, and dazzling blue eyes. We exchanged socials and talked for a bit, and then he abruptly unfollowed me. I have been thinking about him ever since, even though it's wrong. He has a girlfriend. He's older than I by two years. And he's going back to France at the end of the year. I mean, fuck, I've tried to get this man off my brain. But that just makes him reappear even more. I have had 6 dreams about him since then, and one about his language. I have tried talking to myself about the reality of this situation, and it always brings my out of the feelings, miraculously, but somehow I always end up in this bind of feeling for him again. How do I get over this stranger?

ppl at school tell me to kms and that apparantly im a lesbian even tho im straight (if you dont belive me , you should see mh addiction with ryan Reynolds) and i have a therapy friend , but i'm scared of them (i dont know if its coz they're really cool , or that i look up to them so much -since im so short , quite literally - or if , idk) so i cant alk t anyone , not my family , not really my friends... soo its being bottled up in my head , now i'm a really fucked up person tbh , i'm so touch/care-deprived that i want to be r@ped and m*rdered.... yeah

I have been struggling with negative thoughts for a couple of years now due to school trauma and bullying. In 12th grade, I had to stop attending school because I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Since then, it has been difficult for me to keep up with people. My mom doesn’t know how to help me. I was forced to transfer schools and pay for the whole semester, even though I only sometimes attended school for one or two days. My mom thinks I'm not trying, but I badly want to graduate, and it hurts when they call me lazy and say I don’t have the will to get better.

I used to be an honor student, but because of the harmful effects of what others did to me, I no longer recognize myself. I have engaged in self-harm in various ways and had to live alone. My mom thought that by sending me to a city alone, I would feel better, but it only made things worse.

I met my boyfriend, who helped me cope and inspired me to try again. I enrolled in pharmacy for two months and fell in love with it. My classmates were very kind to me, but I realized my struggle was mostly internal. I couldn’t control the thoughts of others or stop wondering if they hated my existence. I would suddenly leave the laboratory and cry at home, feeling weak. Now, I’m forced to study accounting online, which I also struggle with because I was a STEM student and find business courses difficult.

Nevertheless, I want to study pharmacy again if only I were given another chance. That field makes me feel truly fulfilled, and I believe I can thrive in it if given the opportunity.

Regarding therapy, I recently received my psychological evaluation results, and they disappointed me a little. The results were very clear, and I paid a lot for them. Now, I was told I can book a session only once or twice a month. From this schedule, I’m unsure if I can truly get better. Is this how it works?

As of now, I feel like I’m just waiting for an opportunity. I feel not good enough, and I'm dying everyday as I’m turning 20 soon.

I'm 20 ( F ) and for the last 19 months I have been applying to different universities abroad. Everything was planned and set but due to some banking issues I couldn't go. I had to send my withdrawal letter tonight and I can't stop crying and feeling worthless because my sister graduated from a top 5 uni whereas I don't even know where I am. Worst thing is that before getting into the uni that I am currently in, my dad was like I don't even count this as a university, my professors here are also like there is no hope for this study field in this country , everyone keeps saying that there is no opportunity for me here ( my major is Microbiology ). But I don't know what to do, what can I do, I gave my all these last 19 months and everything just fell down. I feel so demotivated and I hate myself. My family members doesn't even want to talk about this anymore because they are " tired, bored and overwhelmed " of this topic. Sometimes I feel like I should be grateful that at least I am getting the opportunity to study but then I look at my school peers and feel so so jealous. I don't know what to do anymore.