Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 22

I'm sorry. It was my fault you felt bad. I didn't listen. I didn't think. Last time It went fine and you liked It and didn't felt bad and nothing happened and i felt overconfident. It's my fault and I'm sorry. And honestly? i always thought you were right. I am selfish and horrible and arrogant. I know. But tbh in the case at the very least there was a Little thing that would've spared us both the trouble, It's called Communication. Not that you would know. This morning before i even thought about cooking you said you had to eat something plain and simple for your stomach. When i was about to start cooking YOU SAID you wanted plain pasta and ASKED me to make It. And i did. Even after that I ASKED YOU "ARE YOU GONNA EAT THESE THINGS I'M MAKING TONIGHT OR ARE YOU GONNA EAT PLAIN AGAIN?" and you SAID "No. Do whatever you want. I can't eat them tonight." And i said "ok". ONLY AFTER THAT I PUT SEASONING YOU CAN'T EAT. bc YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T GONNA EAT THEM ANYWAY. I WAS PLANNING TO SHARE THEM WITH YOU, I ASKED YOU SAID NO. end of It. Then you asked if i could make you bread with the dough. I knew for a fact the dough wasn't gonna be enough and i told you. "Probably not cause there's a lot. But I can make other dough if you want." Cause that Is kinda how It works. You want bread? You tell me and i make It for you bc you asked. You can't Just leave hints last minute and expect me to figure It out anyway. I tried to make more Dough for you bread you literally forbid me from doing It cause i was a selfish b. All of that, remembering the fact you asked me for something else (the pasta) and i make It for you cause that what you asked. I asked if you wanted share and you SAID no.

All of that when in normal circumstances i always share with you. When i have adapt recipes i always do. But when i don't share with you bc you SAID specifically NO. I'm the Monster. Ok. Sure. Whatever.

i am 31 years old, and it seems like I've been wandering aimlessly through life without any real direction or purpose. no impressive qualifications, not a single diploma to my name, and it's like I'm stuck in some endless cycle of being judged inadequate and fired from one dead-end job after another. it's not just a single instance of bad luck either; it's a recurring nightmare, like clockwork, every few weeks. bosses look through me like I'm transparent, colleagues avoid conversation, and I find myself drifting back to the familiar disheartening embrace of unemployment. could it be that I am simply not good at anything?

it's not like I haven't attempted to excel at something. i've tried my hands at various trades, crafts, and roles, but each time, it feels like there's an invisible barrier that stops me from progressing beyond the rudimentary stages. people say practice makes perfect, yet even repeated efforts leave me stranded at mediocrity. it's downright humiliating and demoralizing to constantly fail at every endeavor. do you ever feel like life's a puzzle but you can't find any of the pieces that fit? it's like the world moves forward while i'm firmly anchored in place, unable to keep up, always a step behind the rest.

the social scene fares no better. no friends to lean on or have a beer with after another miserable day fighting the urge to give up. even my family, if you can call them that, are a bunch of self-absorbed nitwits who couldn't care less about my existence. if I dared to confide in them, they'd just wave it off as "my problems" without a shred of empathy or genuine concern. is it too much to ask for a single person who actually gives a damn about what's going on in my life? maybe even a semblance of encouragement every once in a while??? i'm aware i'm not some shining beacon of charisma, but a single friend would really make a world of difference. it's amazing how excruciatingly lonely life can get when you float around like a ghost that nobody notices.

i wonder how some people manage to glide through life so seamlessly when i'm perpetually stuck in a rut. is there some secret hack to success and fulfillment that i'm unaware of? considering the questionable state of my life, it's doubtful. i'm not naive; i know nothing worth having comes easy, but it feels like even when i exert myself, give it my all, I'm always falling short. always a few seconds too late, a dollar short, a skill under-mastered. my brain should be a vault of skills and knowledge by now, yet it seems disappointingly barren, rendering me unfit for anything beyond the bare minimum. sometimes the thought creeps in that maybe i'm just not cut out for this whole 'life' thing.

so here i am, punch-drunk with indecision and paralyzed by the fear of yet another failure. what is a purposeless man supposed to do in this chaotic world? maybe my supposed "indefinable potential" is more like imaginary bullshit i've been fed by well-meaning ignoramuses who refuse to accept some people are simply destined to drift. are dreams just illusions for the delusional, or is it possible there's a corner in this desolate maze where an opportunity might miraculously lie waiting??? i don't even know anymore. life feels like a game with no instructions, and i'm consistently losing. can anyone explain what the hell i'm supposed to do now?

Hi. I dont exactly know how to do this, but i really wanted to get this off my chest, so that i can put my focus on fixing myself, instead of carrying around all this baggage. Im not very good with english commas and stuff, as its a second language, so i appologize.

Ok, so i have a Sister. My relationship with her is very complicated. My main problem is that i get angry far too quickly. She could do the most midly annoying thing ever, and i would lose my head and lash out. This is obviously not right, and i need to control myself.

This anger stems from her and I having a lot of issues with one another growing up. The problem is, i can never pinpoint exactly one thing or a few specific things that i dislike her for. I just KNOW, its unforgivable. So i lash out at the drop of a hat, and can end up getting physically violent, which, at the moment of the outburst feels justified, but i know afterwards that i was in the wrong.

Our father is also a terrible person. He has crazy outbursts of anger too, and i despise him for it. Which i why i NEED to fix my anger issues, because there is nothing in this world i hate more than a hypocrite. Which he, unsuprisingly, is.

My mother on the other hand is the gentlest person ever. She is kind, tolerant, never raises her voice, and i look so much up to her. I want to be like that. People like my father hurt people, and end up alone. People like my mother can make others feel like the only ones who matter in the entire world, and i want to be that for other people. If only i could get a hold of myself.

Now, my sister is not a bad person. Because of my fathers anger issues, i KNOW she suffers too. As her older sibling Its my job to protect her, but i keep FAILING at it by lashing out exactly like he does. She has to deal with both of us, and the guilt of it eats me alive. But its not like feeling guilty is going to absolve me of my actions. You know the quote: A dog that howls after a kill is no better than the dog that eats. My guilt means nothing.

My sister deals with his anger by being rebellious. She drifts away, has little care for other people, acts disrespectfully and so on. I suppose thats one reason i hate her, but can i really allow myself that? It feels selfish of me. She also has developed a very nasty personality. And i know that word is harsh, but heres what i mean: She revels in putting people down. She constantly stops people from improving themselves by making them feel stupid for even trying. Basically, shes emotionally toxic. In all her relationships, platonic and familial. And I cant be mad at her over that. At least not when she does it to me. Because im worse. I lash out. And that will always be worse. What shes doing, is setting up defenses. Because if she tears people down, she wont be torn apart herself.

The funny thing is, this is also something my father does. Tears people down. Its like me and my sister are two halves of the same awful man. Maybe thats why we hate eachother.

Talking about out father. I do think my sister resents me. See, our mother treats her kids equally. Our father however has me as his favourite. Its obvious, because he barely tolerates my mother, my brother and my sister. Hes said it out loud too. That he only stays for me. So that means his outbursts are directed towards them, while i get off scott free. This doesnt mean he loves me. Ive sides with them, and every time i do, he lashes out at me too. However for some reason he always "forgives" me the easiest. I feel dirty.

Now, i didnt ask for this favouritism. I hate the way he treats my mother, brother and sister, because i love them. But i cant blame her for resenting me. After all, it does feel like the golden child masqurading as a good person doesnt it? I feel selfish and awful.

Even more so when i lash out. Because how could i not? Im acting like he does! And i need help managing my anger. Now some of you may say, well apologize then. The thing is, thats what my father does after his lash outs. He apologizes in this sweet voice, and if i started doing the same to my sister, she would be like a lamb trapped between two wolves, and i cant do that to her. I want to improve my actions before, you know, using my words. It would give her the wrong idea otherwise. I dont want to set her up for abuse in her future.

Although it does sometimes feel as though our relationship with eachother is now irrepearable. Ive ruined it, and it would be selfish of me to expect her to trust me again.

And my greatest fear, is that this is the same thought process HE goes through. What if he also feels this immense guilt after lashing out too? What if he tries and fails at managing his anger? I dont let these thoughts out to the ones close to me, like my mother, brother or sister, because i would feel selfish for garnering sympathy. Are we not the same then, he and I? I dont want that! I want to actually change, to actually start managing my anger and not be soo... weak. You know?

I want to be better for the people i love. So i REALLY need tips to manage my anger. I always feel like im in a dream like comatose state after lashing out. Like as if that was another person, and now i have to deal with their mistakes. I could really use some tips, some help. This post had to be made, so i could get it off my chest and focus on improving. I dont want to feel and act crazy anymore. I want to be better. And i need to put in the effort.

Thank you.

The love of my life is not talking to me but I badly wanna talk to him but I don't wanna message him first 😭😭😭😭

He should change his name , give me clues and also give me specific clues so I will know it is him hahahaha

Hi, so I'm here as a highschool student. I've always had an obsession towards my grades to the point if it fell below 80 I would break down crying and overthink about my future, I'm aware of the unhealthiness of obsessing over a grading system but it's been apart of me since 7th grade. When I first got my high ranking in middle school, I finally made my parents proud for once, I was usually met with resigned expression on their faces and sometimes disappointment, but here? They were happy I liked the look on their faces, my parents had always been emotionally unavailable so when I saw it I actually felt like I could do something for once. Now back to now my grades have been dropping drastically even after I studied till 3-4 AM. Every score I see the more I cry because it didn't the goal I set for myself, my parents always told me it's fine, but... that empty look on their faces the resigned expressions it made me panic and go into a spiral, especially with the expectations I've built up in 3 years. I got into student council, became an event organizer, I joined an English Speech club and I'm even taking foreign languages classes. My classes ends at 3 PM, making my free time almost nonexistent it's gotten so bad that I feel guilty when I actually have free time because I could've used that time to do something useful, I'm tired. And I'm also worrying about my family's finances... and I guess... that's it thanks.

I have a 1 yr old bunny who I give medicine to every day, I was venting to my friend in school about how scared I was. There was another girl with us who was laughing and she said ”oh sorry I was thinking about something” I call bs, she’s a rude person and overall disrespectful and disruptive. While I was mid sentence she cut me off to say something funny she saw on TikTok. Later I had a lesson and my friend skipped the lesson to go outside and the other girl, let’s call her Mary. Mary told my friend ”that girl [my name] talks SO much” while she’s screaming in school and being a pain for everyone. I was just trying to talk about my SICK bunny but no I’m not allowed to speak apparently. How disgustingly disrespectful can you be girl??

So about 3 weeks ago me and my friend and I decided to go to a pool hall well I was already in my pajama pants and a jacket (what I usually wear at night time) the pajama pants are like a extremly plush fuzzy material and the jacket was a super soft fleece I just simply enjoy being comfortable when im at home lol reason im going into detail about what I was wearing is because when we got too the pool hall everything was cool for a couple hours until my friend started talking smack to some guy well the guy pushes my friend and when he did I jumped between them and when I did my pool stick fell out of my hands and was laying on the ground. Well when I stepped between them I just so happened to be standing over the pool stick and 2 guys picked the pool stick up at the same time and racked yanked up hitting me dead in the middle of my balls I remember feeling the stick literally splitting my balls in half I remember looking down and seeing the fuzzy pants and the outline of my balls around the stick and the guy that was behind me rubbed my shoulder and said "you got a nice soft jacket on oh and your pants look soft too" and when he said that he reached down and twisted my dick while the pool stick was still between my legs i remember moaning extremly loud and grunting while he twisted and squeezed also at the same time yanking the pool stick up higher into my balls he finally let go and I dropped too my knees instantly I was extremly sore for about 3 days and my girl friend is extremly sexual and is still asking why I didnt wanna have sex for that week and she loves my pants and jacket i really dont know how too explain this to her

omg I don’t know why i’m on here I’m at band practice rn so I can’t actually talk face to face with someone about this but BASICALLY. a couple weeks back on my birthday my friend got PISS drunk despite me not wanting her to at this other friends house and she ended up throwing up everywhere for like five hours. it sucked. she said she’d make it up to me and hasn’t, and then half an hour ago had a go at me for being pissed at her all the time with no explanation. shes so weird. im so weird. our relationship is so fucking weird. guitarist and drummer tension ig. and she just talks like everything is normal but it’s not but how would she know??? I suck at communication and the conversation or her having a go at me ended like 30 minutes ago i cant just bring it up now and UGH oh my god I feel like an idiot. id go more into depth but I can’t be bothered. sos for terrible grammar im not reading this back

I fucked up, and there is no polite or delicate way to phrase that, so I shall simply admit it outright: I cheated on my boyfriend, the man who has been nothing but loyal, generous, and patient with me for the past two years, the man who has shown me a stability I honestly never believed I deserved. I am twenty-five, he is thirty-two, and somehow we made it work, despite our differences in age, character, and temperament. Our life together is not some pathetic fantasy, it is real, concrete: we share mornings, dinners, moments of silence, the dull routines that, ironically, are the foundations of happiness. And yet, in one miserable night, soaked with alcohol, foolish laughter, and the kind of reckless bravado that makes people believe they are untouchable, I allowed myself to betray him. I was drunk, yes, but that excuse is thin, pathetic, barely a fig leaf for my own conscious decision to let another man touch me, kiss me, fuck me. I woke up the next day with the stench of someone else’s body clinging to mine, with a splitting headache and a gut full of disgust. Have you ever stared at yourself in the mirror and seen not your face but only the lies you will soon have to tell? That was me. My first thought was not even about what I had done, but about how I could possibly pretend it had never happened, and isn’t that the most revolting detail of all? That my instinct was to hide, to bury the truth, to spit on his trust while smiling at him over morning coffee.

Now I am stuck in this vile space between confession and concealment, and neither path seems bearable. To confess would be to throw a grenade into our shared life, to obliterate all the good moments, to shatter his sense of safety, to perhaps lose the one person who has ever truly made me feel like I was worth more than the sum of my reckless impulses. But to hide it? To swallow this filth and act as though nothing occurred? That would mean rotting from within, keeping a secret that gnaws at every embrace, every kiss, every “I love you.” And which is worse? To kill something with blunt force or to poison it slowly? I keep replaying the night, trying to find some crack in the memory where I might have stopped myself, where I might have said no, but instead I only see my drunk, stupid grin and the rush of feeling desired by someone new, someone meaningless. Do you know that absurd thrill, that tiny, stupid surge of ego when a stranger wants you? That was all it took for me to throw away my dignity. And for what? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I gained no satisfaction, no joy, no sense of fulfillment—only guilt that drips like acid through every second I spend with him now. He looks at me with those calm, patient eyes, and I want to scream, to confess, to throw myself at his feet, yet I choke on cowardice. It is ridiculous, but even in my own shame, I feel a twisted sort of hope, as if perhaps this mistake might shock me awake, force me to grow up, to stop treating life like some chaotic experiment. Maybe the very act of ruining something reminds you how precious it actually is.

So what do I do, really? Do I unload this shitstorm into his lap, admit everything, beg for forgiveness, knowing full well he might walk out and never look back? Or do I take this filthy secret to my grave, let it burn me in private, and in return keep the life we built intact? I am not some saint, clearly, but neither do I believe I am a monster, and maybe that’s why I cling to the thought that redemption might still be possible. I cannot decide if honesty here is noble or selfish, because confessing could easily be seen as nothing more than trying to ease my own conscience while dumping the pain onto him. Hiding it could be argued as protecting him from useless suffering, yet is it not arrogant to assume I have the right to make that choice for him? Fuck, it is a twisted dilemma, one that I suspect many would simplify with “just tell him” or “just shut up,” but reality is never that neat. Life is messy, human beings are messy, and love—even the strongest, most mature love—has cracks that appear when you least expect them. Despite everything, I still believe in us, still believe that we can survive my stupidity, though I am uncertain of the method. Maybe this betrayal is not the end but the grotesque wake-up call I needed to finally stop taking him, and myself, for granted. Perhaps the future is not destroyed but simply altered, and maybe, just maybe, there is a chance to rebuild something stronger on the ruins of my failure. Or am I just lying to myself to soften the blow? Would you, in my place, confess and risk it all, or would you stay silent and fight like hell to make every future moment worth the guilt? 🤷‍♂️

For the people that saw my goodbye post. I didn’t succeed in my attempt. It’s just gotten worse as my family members know and now I will be getting a therapist soon. I just want to go. I don’t want to stay longer.

I find it hard to believe how complicated it is to express myself online using abstract language. It's something that fulfills me because it's precisely the language I need to express what I feel. From there, I seek to talk about my life.

Indeed, I feel this is about saying that life holds a complexity beyond what is normally presumed to be a life. It's an act of respect. It's a constant demand to adapt to a language that I find insufficient.

When I vent, I do so in order to talk about my life and be able to visualize it. Being overwhelmed, I can't see what I have to say about my life, which is me and what surrounds me in some way.

Speaking in a format that many seek, considered simple, being reductionist, is precisely preventing the way in which my visualization is necessary. This isn't talking about anxiety or an obsession; it's an effort to understand how I am.

Without a doubt, we can talk about nervousness about everything I have to say. However, I don't experience anxiety because I don't feel an imminent threat; on the contrary, I feel that this is more of a sign that I'm about to get out of something. Nor can I speak of obsession, because we're not even talking about recurring thoughts.

Speaking of venting, I am indeed talking about my life, and it consists of details, which may be various, encapsulated under a single theme. However, the fact that the question relates to a single person, a single situation, doesn't indicate being obsessed with a topic or anxious; at most, it indicates that one goes beyond the ordinary regarding said topics and considers oneself strange.

Today, and with the advances that have occurred in all areas of knowledge, I am surprised, I must say, that the strange is worthy of rejection, especially when it comes to people, a matter that requires precise treatment to be inserted. In short, venting itself, it must be said, makes us strange because it allows us to delve into details that are unknown even to us, even to ourselves.

It is often argued that we should think before speaking, when this issue represents or points to the difficulty of recipients receiving varied information. We can categorically say that no person thinks before speaking; at the same time they speak, they think, and they used to think even when they were silent. And the fact that their thoughts coincided with the words expressed, sonorously, expresses the obstruction they represent for us, simply a compulsion.

In this society, many things are defended with which I do not agree. I believe that we all truly want to face life, but it is at the cost of our constant exercise with it, and in the worst circumstances, which is to be alone. This society supports not doing that; after all, that would imply that this individual can do without them, so in the event of any reprisal from a majority, it will be indispensable. It must be said that many of the things that are pointed out as bad are ways of expressing that one should not be something that could be harmful, being against it. They call it politeness, but it's clearly anxiety. It's clear that those who base their lives on thinking that something isn't right and therefore need to change it, thanks to the obsession that it represents, since these are recurring thoughts that result in displeasure, seek said change as a result of the obsession itself. If we notice, anxiety and obsession are the entities that most often support each other.

Proper relief allows us to escape these situations because it allows us to tune into them and continue with our routine, with those thoughts that lead to its consolidation. However, change is used as an excuse to maintain the routine, invading other spaces, naturally encouraging narcissistic behaviors that weren't present before. We can safely say that anyone who seeks a constant routine and doesn't let off steam, given the changing essence of those elements external to our routine, which also change them, leads us to be potential narcissists. It must be said, these are not the things many therapists talk about.

Many therapists enjoy entering this field without having integrated their knowledge of the subject, which leads them to become simple victims of a system. Through their sessions, they seek to force others to succumb to it through their integration. They become counselors, simply detaching themselves from the discourse, from the particularity of the patient, to provide developmental treatment as an individual in their individuality, to bring them to a collective one, where the notions of anxiety and obsession are supported as accusatory elements, of that which runs beyond conceived limits. Indeed, these are against the idea of ​​letting off steam.

So, with psychotherapists, we can't let off steam. Nor with the environment, because it would be a struggle for a normality, furthermore, by not entering into it, making these individuals incapable of developing themselves and consequently segregating ourselves. Frankly, I don't understand how an individual can develop in this world, particularly. It's being at the mercy of situations that are camouflaged through discourses considered normal, open to everyone, but that prevent us from understanding what my life consists of, starting from the smallest details and which joy leads to a holistic spirit.

It's not fair that people like me, to say it without any fear, are at the mercy of such treatment. I know there are people like me who are also on these paths; it would be somewhat prejudiced for me to say that there is no one else. Of course, those who haven't been in the same terrain as me and only notice me will say that there is no one else like me. Of course, they take what they know as a sample and project it onto the rest of the world when, as can be seen, many are those who don't dare to delve into anything beyond my surroundings. How contradictory, frankly.

So I’m 31, a guy, and it feels like every family dinner or group hangout with friends ends up with the same question circling around me: “when are you going to finally meet someone?” or “why don’t you just try one of those speed dating events, it could be fun!!” — and I can’t lie, it feels like I’ve been hearing this loop for years now. I’ve been single for so long that it’s almost become like another skin I wear, comfortable but also kind of itchy when other people point it out all the time. The thing is, I’m autistic, and for me walking into a social environment that is structured around rapid-fire conversations with strangers is not just intimidating, it’s kind of like being asked to run a marathon in shoes that don’t fit right. I like plans, I like predictability, I like knowing what’s going to happen and having a rough script to work from; and speed dating is literally the opposite of that, it’s improvisation stacked on improvisation, with time pressure, overstimulation, and lots of background noise. My brain wants to plan every word in advance, but the event format makes that impossible, so I’ve been trying to find a middle ground. That’s why I got obsessed with the idea of having ice breaker questions prepared in advance. It sounds simple, maybe even silly, but to me it feels like a small safety net. If I have a set of go-to conversational openers, I might not feel like I’m drowning right away. I looked up a bunch of articles that say things like “just be yourself, ask about hobbies, ask about travel,” but that’s too vague for me. I need specifics! I want to go into the situation with like a toolkit, the same way you’d bring the right screwdrivers to fix something mechanical. Otherwise, I know I’ll freeze, I’ll say something awkward, and the whole interaction will just fall flat. Has anyone else felt like the basic advice doesn’t cut it??? Like when someone says “just relax and go with the flow,” what does that even mean for someone whose brain literally doesn’t flow the same way?

I tried to draft some questions myself, like “what’s your favorite way to spend a Sunday afternoon?” or “what kind of music have you been into lately?” because I feel like those are neutral, not too invasive, but they also give the other person room to expand. I’m also curious if it’s okay to bring up stuff like “do you enjoy your work?” or “do you like cooking at home or eating out?” — but then I panic because what if that sounds too much like an interview??? What if they just think I’m weird for scripting this in my head??? And yet, not having a plan feels like setting myself up to crash and burn; so I’m stuck in this in-between zone of wanting to prep but not wanting to sound robotic. A friend told me, “you’re overthinking it, just make eye contact and smile,” but eye contact itself is exhausting for me and smiling when I’m overwhelmed feels fake. It’s not that I don’t want to meet someone, it’s that I want to do it without feeling like I’m putting on a whole act that drains me for days after. And that’s the hardest part to explain to people who aren’t autistic — they think it’s just shyness or nerves, when really it’s more like running social interactions through a constant CPU-heavy processing system. I wonder if other people prepare “conversation trees” in their heads, like almost imagining dialogue options in a video game (I literally do this — like “if she says X, then I can reply Y or Z”), and it feels logical to me, but maybe it comes off stiff in real life. I don’t want to be stiff, I want to be genuine, but with my kind of wiring, genuineness sometimes needs scaffolding. Does that make sense?? I’ve read references that therapists sometimes use “social scripts” for practice, which makes me feel less alone in this. I know other people use them in professional settings too, like sales reps have their scripts, or customer service has theirs. So why should it be so odd if I want one for dating? Still, I’m nervous about how that looks in practice. Maybe I should test them out with a friend first, but that also feels weird because friends already know me. Honestly I’m just hoping if I go in with a few good questions in my pocket, maybe I’ll survive the experience without shutting down completely. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll even find someone who appreciates that I prepared, instead of judging me for it 🙂 Do you think questions like “what’s a meal that instantly makes you feel at home?” or “have you ever had a totally random adventure that stuck with you?” would work, or are those too much for a speed dating setting where you only have like five minutes??? I really want to get this right, even though I know perfection isn’t the goal, but preparation at least gives me a fighting chance at not walking out feeling like a complete failure 🤔

I feel so guilty because my dads mom gave me one of her expenisve dogs like a day or two after my old dog died and I just cant feel a connection like I did with my old dog Im not even sure if I love the new dog or not all I ever do is compare her (The new dog) to my old dog and wish she was my old dog because he was blind, grumpy, and just goofy compared to her whos shy and doesnt do anything besides panic and cling to me which maybe Im just not used to a dog who can see be as clingy as my blind dog I dont know but I feel guilty that I got this free show dog basically and I just dont really love her

hey everyone, i'm feeling all kinds of confused right now and i just want to let it all out 😅 so here goes... i'm 27 and have been dating this amazing guy for about 3 months, everything's been going pretty good, he's really nice and we get along super well. but then we decided to spice things up a bit and had a threesome with my best friend, who happens to be a girl. and now i find myself questioning everything about myself. like, am i actually bisexual? is this just a phase or perhaps something more? 😕 i keep wondering if these feelings are genuine or if they're just intensified because of the newness of the relationship and the experience itself. it's been a real mind trip, honestly.

so i’ve been replaying the whole scenario in my head, like every single detail, trying to figure out what i really felt and why. i realized that during the whole thing, i was just as into her as i was into him, and it was a strange realization to have. it didn't freak me out or anything (thank goodness), but now i'm left unsure about my feelings and it's a bit overwhelming. i mean, i’ve never had any kind of romantic or sexual attraction to women before this, or at least i thought i didn't 😕 but maybe it just took the right circumstances for me to feel this way; like maybe being with someone i trust, my best friend, gave me the freedom to explore these feelings without fear or judgment. idk, i kind of feel guilty about it all too, like i'm betraying my boyfriend or something, even though he's been totally cool with it. the question really is, what does this mean for me? am i just discovering something new about myself or is it a temporary thing? 🤔

i guess the cool thing is, i’m not freaking out about it or anything, more like curious and hopeful about the future. like, maybe it's something that could add an exciting new layer to my life and relationships? who knows! and my best friend and i have been super open with each other about everything, which has helped a lot. we’ve had so many deep convos since, and she's been really understanding and supportive 💕 the whole thing's actually brought us closer, so at least there’s that silver lining. but this leads to another question in my mind, like how will this affect my current relationship with my bf? i mean, i just don’t want to complicate things or hurt anyone involved. maybe it's all up in my head and i'm making it a bigger deal than it is, who knows. anyway, i’m just aiming to sort through these feelings and see where they lead me, no rush, just taking things one day at a time. if anyone's been through something similar, i’d definitely love to hear from you! 🤗 thanks for letting me get this off my chest!