Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 23

I (14F) didn’t really get to have a childhood, I was forced to grow up fast. Apparently my life was good until I was 5, but I don’t remember that. When I turned 5, my mom had my baby sister but her and my dad got a divorce. I had to stay with my mom,but she wasn’t good at parenting whatsoever.My mom was doing several drugs and would sell our toys for drug money.I always had to take care of my baby sister while taking care of myself and school. So much had happened during that time that changed my life forever. Now I live with my dad since he got custody of me and my sister, but it hasn’t been easy with him either. I’m going to be turning 15 later this year,but mentally I feel like I’m between the ages of 6-10. Im not able to control it, since I started accepting the more childlike part of me that I didn’t get to feel when I was younger I’ve noticed some mental changes. Im not as smart as I used to be and at times I physically feel younger like the ages I said before. I have a hard time taking care of myself like eating right, sleeping right, taking my medication,ect. Im scared of the future because I know I’ll have to get a job and drive soon. I have terrible anxiety and crazy painful panic attacks,and I don’t know how I would get a job without any social abilities. Im terrified of driving because I have been in several car accidents, plus I can barely walk across the busy street on my own without being scared as hell.

Me,My dad, and my sister live with my grandma and grandpa in their house. I don’t have my own room because our rooms are in the areas upstairs.me and my sisters area is just an open room by the staircase with a divider between our beds and my dads room in infront of ours but he has a door. I’ve never had my own room but now that I’m getting older I kinda want my own room but I can’t. My dad knows about my mental issues and has taken me out of school because of my anxiety (and issues with the school), but I won’t finish Highschool so it will just be harder to get a job. Im scared to move out but I want to because I just want my own space. My dad said he would take care of me forever because it’s hard for me to just function normally through a day, but I know he won’t be around long enough to do that because he is already 46 and I don’t want to put him through that. I don’t know what’s wrong with me or why I’m like this, nobody can tell me what’s wrong

I have a day at work and not gonna go in much detail, but let’s just say I made a mistake and yet everyone makes it feel like the stupidest idea I ever had. We are meeting. We cleared everything out, but I’m now feeling like I’m the bad guy all over again. Even my parents think that I did something stupid even though I can’t help it at times it’s just that I think what bugs me the most lately is the crying of others that makes me feel like I can’t stop it. They’re going to make it worse for me and I hate seeing crying. Everybody’s gonna blame me for one little thing. But I know a mistake. But it gets hard going to get this pressure specially from the people you’re working with cause they’re saying on their butts and not doing anything and you’re trying to do your best. I guess sometimes your best is not the greatest. Hopefully next week will be better.

okay so this week (and some of last week) have been annoying as freak but it has been extra. there's these to boys in my 6th period, (we will call K and N) I have 3 classes with K and 1 with N, lately they have been a big pain and stressing me out. for some reason N has been calling me a boy/man or "He" and I'm a woman not trans or anything (NOT HATING, I support) N keeps doing it. I've told him to actually stop. at first I thought it was funny, no harm but then it slowly came annoying and of course K being a follower when it comes to his friends he started calling me a boy/man and he wont stop. its not even funny its just so freaking annoying. they have also been bothering me and my (more than friends, who we will call L) they are friends of L but he doesn't want to be friends with N and K anymore, L struggles with sleep and sleeps during class sometimes, I.D.C. but like in 6th period we were watching a flipping movie and they kept bothering me and L, using Bluetooth headphones to play annoying audio in L ear. I had to snatch them out of N hand and give them to our teacher and tell her not to give them back at all. even L is over this like me and L just want to chill and be happy but I cant get a break for once! I can decide if I should just keep silent and wait for it to stop or freaking do something about it because honestly its pissing me off that these people cant grow up and are acting like 5 yr old boys.

For so many years, I've been so totally horrible to everyone around me. People that I call my friends, my family, people I don't even really like, everyone. I don't know how to control my temper, or my tone, and I lash out at people for no reason. No wonder he doesn't want to talk to me. I've been so horrible, so mean to him the two years I've known him. No wonder he doesn't want to be my friend anymore. He didn't say it, but I know it's true. Nobody deserves to have a "friend" as horrible as me. Especially him. He deserved better than to be forced to deal with me for two straight years. I don't know how I didn't notice before now.

so I was just like sleeping in band class right? I wake up, and my 'friend'(are we even still friends? I dunno) takes the stand in front of me. out of curiosity I look to the stand next to them and go 'what about this one?'. they explain to me that it was broken and we leave it at that. however they'd been sort of purposefully avoiding talking to me{?) and so I ask 'hey are you mad at me?' pretty obviously I was scared, due to being brought up in an environment where everyone was mad at me all the time for no reason and caused me to have heavy people pleasing tendencies. then they started going off on me about how I always think people are mad at me and blah blah blah. thing is, they KNOW about my home life. but like they're being nice to all the other friends they abandoned me for. so I dunno.

I'm kinda supposed to be practicing for Solo and Ensemble right now. But I can't. I just can't. I don't know why. I don't want to, or can't, do anything. I'm not that good at my solo, and the event is tomorrow, but I don't really care. I don't care if I go up there and get the lowest rating, a 0 out of 30. Honestly? I don't even want to be on this earth anymore.

It seems unbelievable, but I'm in love. As I unburden myself to her in these terrible ways, I find light in the way I see her as attractive. I no longer distance myself, and I confess, out of prejudice. Which surprises me, really. You don't know where your mind is going in this business. One moment you think one way and the next you think another. It's as if I still can't appreciate how beautiful the moments with her were.

Unfortunately, not everything is wonderful. She reminds me of a girl I knew from college who fell in love with me and did everything she could to prevent it. In a crazy way, too, with the same people from the university supporting her. Her priority was her life before her feelings; that's how separated the issue was. In other words, her life was governed by her feelings; in fact, she had buried them in order to be with others, others enjoying themselves, and herself relaxing. What a miserable life, frankly. How can it be done? She ran away from her crush. Who knows if this is her first crush?

How many times does one fall in love in life? And the girlfriend overrides those feelings? How can that be? How is it possible that an entire university prioritized a union over a crush? This already shows that no one cares about who they are, only about maintaining order. What macabre selfishness. And they did everything possible to keep me in that same line, to destabilize me, to be at the mercy of suggestion, hiding the truth. Even my entourage participated in this. Is it fair? I don't think so at all.

We appeased, we sent that girl's feelings to earth unfairly. She had the right to be in love. Now, being in love will also identify with problems, given that after her mistreatment, which resulted in violence, I had to call a psychologist because I was the one who received her, supported by her people, even outside the university. Is this fair? We buried this girl's feelings. The simple fact of experiencing them, in a way, the way she had, sent her to hell. How could we be like that with her? And the worst part is that she's the one who told me to get out of her life when others had influenced me. Furthermore, she continues with the people who influenced her and who influenced me to such an extent. Furthermore, she influenced me with her violence. Is it really fair? Is it really fair that this girl can't experience feelings?

So, we all wash our hands. Everyone does what she wants and that's it, all to get out of the mess. No one admits responsibility, of course. In my case, I was over the moon, I couldn't admit any responsibility, but she even understood that. That thing with her was a disaster; it was a game with her feelings, an outrage, it wasn't fair. The worst part is that she defended me just so I'd leave. I remember seeing her with her hand trembling in front of me. Of course, I didn't trust her or anyone around her either. I was on my own, it was always like that, and they assumed it wasn't like that, who knows why, and then she had to push me away because of that assumption. But what a disaster it feels like.

In short, in that situation, what mattered more was order, everyone going their separate ways, the girl and me talking, than anything else. Everyone there was safe, except for her, who had given birth and was in the worst possible situation. Why didn't anyone do anything? Why didn't that university do anything if it even had a psychologist? Forty days had passed, and I couldn't believe that girl was like that, and on top of that, with the others all making bad faces, wanting to make her feel worse, since I'm capable of going to the necessary legal extremes. Is this fair? How selfish of all of us. No one cares about anyone.

How is this girl going to express her feelings now? Her feelings, the only way she had of expressing them, the only loving way, were sent to hell, and she didn't know what to do. Why did we have to be this way with her? Of course, I had to protect myself from her. Also, the question: Why did I include myself in this? If I was violated, I was incapacitated, and in addition to protecting myself from others, I had to safeguard my physical and perhaps even physical integrity. Why do I include myself in this mess? I have no business being in that mess.

What I observe, first, is that those around me encouraged my going to the psychologist, given the game with expectations—I was always congruent—no one supported what that girl felt—I did—and also always buried her feelings—I never did that. This is an environment that does not give rise to emotions and on top of that makes their expression grotesque as a result of this, when finding a chance, it becomes aggressive and therefore distancing the person from possibility and consequently, this makes it an absorbing environment and blurs the person because we are according to feelings, without them we are also something but given to Machiavellianism, that is, there are intentions behind it, and therefore she's not a person evolving, but completely out of step with the reality embodied in her psyche. Given this, I fully supported her.

That said, then, how can it be that I was the only one who supported that girl? How is it possible that I was the only one? Why didn't anyone else do it? Why am I the only one who has to act for her health? Out of respect for her? Does this even make sense? Furthermore, acting at all costs according to her decisions, whatever they may be, a question that I even had to make methodological. Why does it have to be this way? Why did I have to go to such extremes? I don't understand. Does no one want to take care of her, and only me, but going to such extremes and thus pushing her away? Why did this have to happen? Why should the only person who supports her be the one who has to distance herself, while those who aren't closest to her are left behind? It's not fair. No wonder she revealed herself to them! I'm already becoming somewhat aware of the situation, and she became aware of it before the second-to-last time I saw her.

How hard it was for me to recognize that she had become aware of the situation. Furthermore, it was a truly tyrannical effort for her. How would she feel if she didn't? Naturally, she explodes in anger and takes advantage of the situation, because she can't stand it anymore. After I brought her to the psychotherapist, she couldn't stand it anymore. It was going to result in the typical bias: she yells at me, explodes, and I say this is such and such. Fortunately, that girl trusted the wisdom of my decisions. It's not just about looking after her feelings, but also about setting boundaries, which is also about looking after them, given that she looks after me and her in an egalitarian and non-burdensome way for both of us, which allows us to be in this relationship. That relationship never ended. However, I must admit, I don't feel like I'm in love with her, under any circumstances.

With her, I admit it, I only supported her feelings as much as I could, as much as she allowed. The fact that she was in love with me was something I had to value because she considered me for a life with me, and I think that's a great honor, not a cause for annoyance or unworthiness in any sphere. I consider her feelings sacred in every way, and they should be treated that way, not with masks or anything like that, complacency or anything like that. I feel that I prevented the same thing they did to me with her. From what I can say from that experience, she was a responsible, fair person, constantly expanding her prudence, managing to uphold these values ​​even in conditions that were impossible for many people.

Meanwhile, I continue my love affair, which, frankly, I see is reciprocal. Fortunately. I hope to do things well.

My partner has epilepsy and for a while it’s been manageable, but recently it’s been getting worse.

It all started when on a Sunday, I went to his place, and when we were walking from a room to another he fainted in my arm and had a non-culvulsion seizure. We went to the ER and he’s slowly been getting better, but today when he was at the hospital waiting for his meeting with their neurologist, they had a seizure (a complete one) and now their stuck at the hospital until further notice.

I’m rly worried because his health keeps getting worse and I’m seeing it myself, I don’t think theirs any life risk, but it’s still scary to me. I can’t go use on my own issues and all because I’m worried about him. It just breaks my heart to see him get worse, even if it’s « not that bad »

So we have been on a roller coaster with my epilepsy. But as a separate issue, I also struggle with incontinence at night. I haven't told anyone this because I know it's due to my autism and my body being so relaxed at night that I don't get the proper cues that I need to go. Well my mom finally found out when doing the washing, but now she thinks it's linked to my epilepsy, which means it will be brought up at every appointment. Even though that's not true. I've tried to tell her I didn't pee myself during a seizure, but she doesn't believe me and now she's going to expect that for every seizure.

I feel like a girl tried to trick me. She was a girl in great need of affection and love who wisely approached me at a time when the sequence was crucial in my life, recently, with an issue that was suspected to be a tooth problem. The girl hugged me, kissed my cheek, caressed me, made sure I didn't leave. In short, she welcomed me maternally at a time when I needed it most. Besides, I was with my mother and father, and they definitely didn't do that. She went so far as to listen to me, understand me, and actually value my music, something my parents simply rejected.

I feel like she abused her profession to do this. What would she have been capable of with that girl? All of this left lasting scars on me later. Why did she have to approach me like that? I feel like she hurt me so much. She was on the verge of jeopardizing my job, my life, everything. Why did it have to be like that? Also, having told her I was suffering from a psychological disorder. Damn, really, that girl was the one who hurt me the most. Why did she act so recklessly like that? Any inappropriate treatment becomes dangerous for me, whether it's on my part toward others or from others toward me, given the lack of control it caused me. I feel like her attitude wasn't right.

I feel overwhelmed, overworked after that experience. Who was that girl? Why did she treat me like that? Until recently, she practically had me at her feet. I feel like this wasn't right. I even thought I was in love, for God's sake! How could that be possible? I feel cheated, and I don't doubt that she knows about these kinds of methods. Besides, she was the kind of girl who makes special moments.

For God's sake, how far was this going to go? Now I feel like I just want her to go away. I was about to throw myself into a fierce void, into hell. I didn't know where I was going, I had no idea of ​​the consequences. I was willing to go without any consequences! I never want to see that girl again in my life! The girl had me captivated. For God's sake! For God's sake, why wouldn't she answer or bother checking my WhatsApp? Besides, after acting so maternal and close, she suddenly abandoned me and made me look bad. Holy Mother of God! Where was this girl going to take me? And at a time when I was feeling bad! This is the worst thing that could have happened to me!

Dearest friends, why the hell did this have to happen to me? I felt like I was on the way to ruining my life, my sacred life. Don't people get tired of trying to ruin my life? For God's sake. She had already tried to ruin it recently. My calm, my most sacred calm, was about to be ruined, destroyed, shattered again. Where would I get trapped? In what, for God's sake? What could I possibly do under these circumstances? I already felt this girl was a danger from the start. And the worst part is that everyone there adores her. Why did someone like that have to touch me? Why? What did I do? I wanted peace of mind. There's no justification for this behavior. I've never done anything like this, have I? Could I have been a narcissist too?

I could already see that girl betraying my trust, making my life hell. I already felt cornered by her! I already felt she was shattering my expectations to the hilt! I felt she played with my feelings! That girl did this recklessly, even before surgery! She was also extremely silent and acting as if nothing had happened. What the hell would I run into if I saw her again? I already felt I had to escape from something. Why did I have to fall into this hell? This was the worst. That was the worst thing those doctors could have done to me, the worst, for God's sake. They gave me a monster present! And the worst part is that I was standing right in front of my mom, and my mom hadn't done anything.

The worst part is that it was at a time when I was completely out of my depth, for God's sake! I thought I was good, different, a bitter illusion. I was already surprised that I was the most popular! Of course! Everyone is safe from her! I already felt like I was losing control because of her. And I was already thinking about going all the way to where she worked! It makes me faint. This can't happen to me. What the hell is she still doing now, for God's sake? Plus, she's sucking up to my parents! She's acting the good guy! The woman was swarming me, for God's sake. What trap could I have fallen into? I was walking right into a trap. This can't happen to me. It can't be. This isn't fair. Why do so many people want to destroy my life? I'm tired of escaping. And in a medical service? For God's sake, I never want to enter that girl's life. I feel like I could die from this. Why did this happen to me? Attacks from all sides, for God's sake. On top of that, playing with my mental health, being deteriorated, begging for help, this is the worst thing the system could have done to me. I never thought that at my job I would be they're going to send me to a place like that, with that quality. I feel like I'm going to die of rage, of sadness. I mean, even in that service, they abused me. This can't be what happened to me. Everyone took advantage of it to tear my life apart.

And I'm justifying to this girl that I was different! She had me in a frenzy! How far was this going to go? I never want to remember this girl again. Never, ever. And pretending to be good, in love, saintly, different, that she doesn't judge. Am I really that annoying? It happened to me at my previous job, also with some girls. How far is this going to go? How far is this going to go? It can't be. It can't be that they won't leave me alone. I refuse to believe it. I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack because of this. And the worst part is that when I was in that service, no one protected me. To the point of succumbing to a hell from which no one was going to get me out because of the prejudices against me, which they truly are. I just tried to present true facts in a way that people couldn't refute without proof at hand, as it should have been, and also transparent to others. For God's sake, I was almost falling.

On the verge of losing almost everything. It can't be that this happened to me during my treatment. Even during my treatment, right when I should have been calmer. Now it was with this girl, who do I reveal this to? And then with someone else? I felt like an unprotected child again, at the mercy of madness, without parents even though they were there. I mean, it can't be that I was truly alone in those circumstances. I really don't understand. No one was protecting me from going to hell, no one, even though I needed to, even though I wasn't fit to handle myself.

And my psychiatrist yesterday told me to drop this treatment thing! Is everyone trying to make me fall? Everyone? This can't be happening to me. Seriously, this can't be happening to me.

For background information Me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 months, he’s the sweetest ,most caring,loving man. He never yells and is the first one to say sorry. He’s everything I’ve needed but he messed up in the first weeks we were together. ( something to do with a female best friend ) but he stopped being friends with her before we were “official.” It’s me self sabotaging, wanting to hold onto anything bad he’s ever done. Why can’t I let things go? I love him and this is the first man I knew would be the best husband. I don’t deserve his love. He doesn’t deserve to be treated the way I treat him. I’m always switching emotions or being cold towards him if I’m slightly annoyed. I know people say to change for him but it’s not that easy. I’ve been this way in every relationship. This is the LEAST toxic relationship I’ve ever been in. Now the problem is just me. I don’t even know where to start. I feel I’m too damaged to be with him. Every time I try to leave he begs me to stay. He doesn’t deserve that. I want to be enough for him but atp I don’t think I even deserve it. Sometimes I wish he would just see how terrible of a person I am and leave. I hate hurting him. I hate knowing it’s me who’s the reason for the sadness behind his eyes. Idk what to do. He won’t let me leave and I don’t think I’m good enough for him.

my boss texted me this holiday at 7am!! just asked me to send a quick message to an agent and this exchange lasted for roughly 10minutes. now Im just worried that if I keep doing this, then it will not only be 10minutes but hours someday. I dont know if its okay to oblige to requests like this on a holiday even if it took me only 10minutes to talk with the agent. is it okay to accommodate simple requests like this if you are on vacation? my boss tends to scold us in our group chat if we dont respond immediately and attend to matters. to be honest, the message wasnt even urgent at all. its a national holiday and everyone is on vacation!!

I feel like today was a day of hell. Everything was so disorganized. I felt like I was skipping work since I only showed up two out of three days this week. I don't want to show up on other days, but I feel a very uncomfortable level of responsibility, especially when it comes to birthday celebrations and other things. I don't want to attend celebrations; I'm there to do a great job, not to integrate in such a friendly way. I like my solitude.

I feel like I regained my solitude today. I don't know, I felt like I was getting my life back after a long time. I don't like the country I live in; there are difficulties and so on, but I feel like everything is bearable. I had to manage the psychiatrist in detail; she was influenced by my father, as I thought. She took it seriously, thank goodness, that I didn't stop the treatment; I feel good because she's attentive and also, she admits, the effect of my routine on the healing of the issue. I feel very valued by the psychiatrist, but it's difficult for her; nevertheless, we're on the journey together. It's not the best I ever hoped for.

For some reason, I feel like I've returned to normal because I feel like I can tolerate the world as it is, imperfect from my perspective and like everyone else's. I feel like I can tolerate everything now, and I'm happy about it. I was also happy to see my stepmother and her father. I don't know, all in all, I had a normal day and I was able to tolerate it well; I didn't expect that. Maybe it's because I was also able to get away from the psychiatrist and her influence. Seeing that we were able to handle ourselves, I feel like everything is fine now. It was always my life's goal to be able to manage with a psychologist, or a psychiatrist. I felt welcomed back into the world, into society itself.

I have to confess, out of all this adventure I went through, I feel like I finally got what I wanted. To be able to deal with a therapist, to work as a team in some way, not just one person on one side and me on the other. That's why, I confess, my dental treatment didn't work, in any way, that was it. Since I left my therapist, I felt like the world had turned its back on me because there was no way out of my environment; that's how I understood it. Feeling like I've finally entered, entered the world, is simply fantastic, sensational. I feel like I can walk the streets again completely normally, tolerate the day, write many things, many ideas, but always with the feeling that my efforts in mental health, if they're welcomed by anyone, well, actually by everyone now, but mainly by those who consist of the mental health aspect. That support, that verification, makes me feel like I'm on the right track, or at least, seen by someone beyond myself, and I like that, I have to confess.

I have to confess it. I feel like that was the cure for my entire illness. Just that. I feel like I'm finally believed, taken seriously, that I see beyond, that I can handle the treatment. That I can finally handle treatment, that I'm taken into account within it, that I, as a patient, deserve respect for myself and my processes—I finally achieved that. I have to confess: The only cure was having someone check on me with my mental health, working as a team. That was it. I can't do that with anyone in my circle, because no one takes care of their mental health, that's the pure truth. So, it's feeling an immense burden.

I feel that the cure, moreover, was always returning to a mental health professional, but one that truly exists. That they don't abandon you, that they're not a scam, that they don't leave you stranded, that they don't act on behalf of others but on behalf of you, that there is a therapy given for me, given by another, that you can be supported by another. Not help, I didn't want help, support, support to keep me going. That was all I needed to get back to life, to go back to my life as before. That was it. Not someone coming and doing my job. The fact that I can't do it, that was the worst part. That's why dental treatment became pure hell for me. I understand everything now.

How difficult was this for those around me? A little support, so I could do my thing my way, without changing my routine unless it was for support. This, I insist, and I think it sums it all up, was the cure. A feeling that my life could be accepted by others based on my well-being and not theirs, and even so, it produces well-being for them, perhaps not giving them what they want, but by setting an example of being in context and not unconsciously destroying a world in unrecognizable ways. How difficult was it for everyone to see that? It was too simple. How hard was it to find a psychiatrist? Too hard. In the end, he was the only savior of everything because he was the only one around me who could do that. Does that make sense? That he's the only one? The problem with the psychiatrist is that everyone had the blessed humility to say they didn't know how to treat me. But was there any? Barely one and a half people, although my mental health was pushed aside during treatment. How difficult was it for others to see that? Honestly, the dental treatment was the least of my worries, from every point of view. Rightfully so, and I understand wholeheartedly, I ended up exploding at everyone.

Ironically, right now, the psychiatrist is the one putting the pieces together. She barely does six minutes of treatment, and she does so much more than the others. In addition to one person, whose example lifts heaven and earth and changes my life. From the smallest details, I categorically say, these people saved my life. In the dental service too, listening to me for a while, playing for a while, caring for me, being present, making the effort. That also did something very meaningful for me, and I'm not going to just give up. I can't do it. Also, damn, another doctor who supported me with the psychological aspect took it seriously, and in a way that I didn't get carried away with illusions. That one also deserves my award. These people, who did something, because those who operated didn't do a thing, except move some teeth with sophisticated and useless methods because they didn't attack anything, I can't let them be left aside in any way.

I have been having a hard time recently. I either get along really well with my roommate or we argue. And just know she was talking about doing something irrisponsible, so I told her what I thought about it, and then she said in a somewhat mocking tone 'um respectfully, have you done this for five years, I didn't think so, you don't know what your talking about.' so I said fine then don't talk to me about this stuff then. We are not good roommates, and we never will be, we are complete polar opposites.

But I feel angry, frustrated and upset all at the same time.

How do I keep peace? Cause I can't even politely ask her to do something without her getting mad

Is it normal to just have siblings who you can’t run to? For years, I’ve relived my mom and grandmother’s funerals. It pains me that God took away all the people that truly showed up for me. I don’t know how to get over this loss and my life isn’t getting better. I thought I’d finish school just to get a better job but Surely maybe I was born to not have anything. I can’t seem to get used to a life filled with delay. I hate everything about myself. There’s nothing valuable about me or my life. How does one take away their pain? What’s the easiest way to ease it? I have been trying but no luck. I just want someone to give me a solution to everything