Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 23

i am soo tired. i just want to sleep and never wake up. i dont want to live but whenever i think to end myself i remember how i promised my siblings we would try new food together or watch a series/movies together or what if i just tell my parents how i feel , will they react good or bad maybe if its good i can or will be able to leave these thoughts behind but if not then i am afraid i might just do it . i dont want my parents to spend anymore more of there hard earned money on me , they already wasted so much money on me and its useless if its on me i am not even talented , smart , pretty or anything my siblings have sooo much more potential maybe i should have never been born so that i would not have troubled my parents my family so much , thanks for listening/reading , hope you have a great life.

so we’ve recently started dating, after being friends for like a year.

I know he didn’t mean to make me uncomfortable, he’s just a very blunt and straightforward person.

I unfortunately have really bad anxiety and a habit of anxious attachment style (which I’m currently working on).

basically, we were with his friends, and while they were discussing personal issues they all had, he just mentioned to his friends that he was an ex p0rn addict. good for him of course because I’m also an ex addict of that.

however it just made me uncomfortable. he only mentioned it once and never brought it up again, so whatever. idk things that unsettle me usually just end up sticking in my head for a while because I get really bad mental images and intrusive thoughts.

I don’t think I’m gonna discuss this with him, just because it was a one time thing and isn’t really an issue between us—it’s solely a me problem.

just like how can I work on my intrusive thoughts? I can’t get shit out of my head for like weeks and it’s just really miserable and infuriating, it’s like making me feel sick to my stomach because I feel so bad for him and I’m so disgusted just by it (not by him but by the addiction itself as, again, I used to have that addiction, so I know how much it sucks)

we were best friends before. i met him online outta nowhere one day. we talked and talked for hours without worrying about time. there were difficulties in our story but then now here we are with a very healthy relationship. hes always there helping me with anything i need ALWAYS. hes there when im low and in my happiest times. but for him opening up is a problem. he rarely does that cause "men are strong" is his approch but he softens whenever he opens up for certain things. today he said "there is so much i want to talk about but i cant" on my part as being his girlfriend i feel bad that i cant comfort him at certain point! he deserve all of my love and care! all. of. it and i feel so bad that i cant be there for him in these times. he is strong i know and he works hard a lot. im so proud of him but i just cant forgive myself for not being there for him in these times. it literally makes me wonder if hes doing okay or not after such eps but i dont want to remind me about his misery when he himself is trying not to remember them. i really just want to hug him in these times but it just cant happened and it breaks me completely thinking about all this. its just so shattering to me that i cant help him and just talk to him through a screen. i really just wanna hold him and caress his cheeks and tell him how such a good of a job he is doing so far and that how proud i am of him. but this distance wont let me do that. long distance really sucks.

I’m not really used to venting, but i don’t know what to do. I feel like i’m slowly drifting away from my friends both irl and online. Every time i sit with my friends at lunch in school i feel like im just sat there while they all laugh and have fun. Not to mention, i can never tell whether what they say is serious, passive aggressive or a joke. It’s even worse online because i can’t see their faces or hear their tone of voice. I don’t know what to do about it anymore- i just feel really rubbish about the whole thing. I’m too scared to ask about it though. It’s probably just a me problem but it sucks.

I want help from people who failed in teenage love because the girl cheated on them. What should I do to fix my mind, how can I become better for the next girl? Also please help me with some videos of youtube for self help! I don't feel myself anymore because not just she cheated on me because took my friends away by lying.

Do you ever get that feeling when your just laughing with your friends but then you suddenly remember that there's a never ending void in your body that can never be filled of happiness or any emotion in general since ever since you were born you were taught that showing literally any emotion except happiness is wrong that till this day you still think about it and still believe that the sadness and anger you feel sometimes is just a bother?

*i just want to note that i didn't say hate, this sister of mine would always say she hated me and my parents so i avoid using the word as it can be kinda triggering*

I feel like a bad person because i dont like my sister (A). A is 2 years younger than me and has a twin sister (B).

A has always caused many issues in my life. When we were younger she would hit me and B, and sometimes even my parents. It got better for a while but just over a year ago it got bad again. She would get mad at me, B, and my parents for the tiniest things. There have been several instances where she was throwing a fit in the car while my mom was driving and she GRABBED THE STEERING WHEEL, thankfully we never got in a car crash.

A has been very sensitive from a young age, and when she get angry she normally goes through a few phases.

1. Yell at the person who made her mad (this usual goes on for a good 10 minutes)

2. My mom threatens to take away something from A (usually her phone)

3. A pleas with my mom to give her back said item (she will scream "please i'll do anything" for 5 straight minutes and when my mom finally tells her what she can do to make it up she will scream "ill do anything else" 😒)

4. A storms off to her room

5. A lays down on the ground in her bedroom and screams bloody murder while kicking her bedroom door.

6. A gets hurt from kicking the door

7. A screams for my dad to come and help her because she is "hurt"

8. My dad ignores her for a good 5 minutes until the screaming gets too annoying

9. My dad goes to As bedroom and tries to open the door (she locked herself in her room)

10. My dad opens the door with a butter knife and proceeds to have a conversation with A

A also has a lesser maturity than me and B so it tends to be more difficult to hang out. Because of all this anxiety and stress caused by A it isn't uncommon for me and B to huddle in my bedroom with a bunch of snacks and vent to each other about A. Me and B also do other things when we hang out but that is what brought us closer together (B also used to hit me, but she's chill now).

A has continually reminded us to tell her if me and B are hanging out.

(I want to mention that me and B hang out with A a lot, so it's not like we are icing her out of anything)

But if me and B have a secret convo in my bedroom without A and she finds out suddenly she is screaming at us about how she hates us and doesn't even want to hang out with us. This also makes it particularly unappealing to hang out with A.

A is a loner, she has friends but she rarely hangs out with any of them outside of school. A is also very fond of "chilling". A's definition of chilling is not letting me or B invite friends over, no chores or cleaning up her room, and no family plans. This weekend i had previously planned to have a sleepover with a friend at my house but because A wanted a "chill" weekend, i had to cancel. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal but this has happened before and i feel that it is taking a time on some of my friendships.

Recently i have been feeling really bad about my feelings toward A. I keep imagining her alone in her room, sad, because she can hear my and B laughing in my room. I'm literally crying thinking about it rn. It's just so hard to look past all the hardships she's out me and my family through.

Thanks for reading this, there is prob a couple spelling errors but you'll get over it. If you could give me some suggestions to improve my relationship with A that would be amazing.

Hope you have a good morning/afternoon/evening/night💕

I’m a 32 year old woman. Divorced and no child. Aged parents. 6 years ago I took over the provider role. With no generational wealth or support from anyone. Sis lives abroad prioritises her life. Burnt out at work. Anxious and stressed most of the time. Health issues.. Cannot quit job due to the responsibilities. Craving to be taken care.. my feminine energy is dead and this is affecting my current relationship with my partner who is not financially stable. I feel like I hv to be man in the relationship. I don’t know how I got here n don’t know what to do.

Struggling with family basically...

I hate being an elder daughter who's supposed to be the 'perfect' child.

I need to get the best grades, but it's tiring and exhausting now.

Nobody really tries to understand MY point of view.

My mother is too stubborn and strict. She gets mad and disappointed if I don't get the perfect marks. She pretends to be caring, but indirectly shows her disappointment in me. Worst of all, I can't vent to my friends because I don't want to burden them when they're dealing with their own problems.

Also, I need to be that role model for my younger sibling. I can't afford any mistakes.

I'm the child that my parents don't love. My younger sibling is the favorite. I love my little sibling, but I want the same love too. I just want my parents to be proud of me, for once. To tell me that my efforts are enough.

wherever I try to make friends online, they ALWAYS want +18 photos!! I'm not fun or interesting enough for people my age and older people just want to manipulate me, wth

I replied virgin death. What your opinion on my answer?

My journey all started when I got knee surgery for my meniscus tear. In this story my empire was destroyed only to be rebuilt with unstable ruble.

I was an active person before my injury working out 14 hours a week and eating a well balanced diet, I got at least 8 or more hours of sleep each night. I also had all A’s in my classes and a wonderful group of friends. Overall my life was stable and perfect in all aspects. When I tore my meniscus and got the surgery I was still resilient and hopeful for a couple months after. I went to physical therapy every week and was progressing more than the average person would. It wasn’t until March that the downers of life started catching up to me. I was starting to get burnt out from school since I had to make up for the weeks I was recovering. I also felt more depressed. At the end of the school year things really lightened up. I got on an antidepressant called sertraline, However I never took the medication because I had the idea that it would mess with me. Day after day I skipped my medication and it finally became summer break. And not even a week into summer break I just broke down. Apparently my mind was on its last stilt and just fell and all the stress came crashing down with it. I started having symptoms like mood swings and suicidal thoughts. So my psychiatrist put me on abilify to stabilize my mood because it switched often. My mood swings were from crying to feeling like I was the coolest person on the planet, this would happen a couple times a day. I soon had my first visit to a mental hospitable due to suicidal actions. Once I finished my stay my psychiatrist took me off sertraline and put me on cymbalta. I actually took cymbalta, however another symptom showed up and I started to have extreme anxiety at the start of July. Everything seemed like they were trying to keep me in this dream called life and the only way I could end it was by killing myself. I also started to take substances like nutmeg and LSA. I felt really unstable in life. I then started a php program that was short lived before going to the mental hospital for my second stay. At the mental hospital I started prazosin and trazodone. I was also diagnosed with derealization and depersonalization By August things started to get better but I started to notice I couldn’t control my actions and impulses as well anymore, I didn’t feel like I was my usual stable self anymore. In an attempt to get a thrill and escape I took a plant called Datura on five different occasions. The drug put me into a place of delirium that felt confusing yet safe. Soon my parents found out and stopped me from taking it again. I was still struggling till the middle of September. I took 62 pills of benadryl to get the same delirium I had on Datura. I continued taking benadryl till my parents noticed my pupils dilated. Then the next day they sent me to the mental hospital again. When I got out I continued life, still struggling. I also seemed to gain 90 pounds in three months. My psychiatrist was at the point where they were about to diagnose me with Borderline personality disorder. However me and my family decided to send me to a residential school in California before anything could happen and take off the school semester. At the residential we found out that I had Hypothyroidism and was put on lamictal and thyroxine. After staying at the residence for 2 months I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. When I got home I was put into a php where at some point I ended up eating a benadryl ointment cream as a last resort to get that delirium. The next day it was found out cause I was acting weird. Thankfully they didn’t send me to the mental hospital. I soon finished php and moved on to Iop. This was the time school started. In the first week of school I decided to drink 300mg of caffeine a night to see what happens and then decided to not sleep for three days due to nightmares. At this point I was starting to go into a psychosis believing I was meant to be schizophrenic in my next life so I should kill myself. The world also started to glitch and I felt Euphoric as hell. However, I decided to sleep on Thursday to Saturday and then decided to try staying up for 5 days on Sunday. I am now finishing night two while writing this. All being said, I truly hate myself right now. My feelings for myself switch from feeling like I am superior to everyone to feeling like I am unlovable and I hate myself. I honestly hate my personality so much to the point I want to actually commit suicide. I don’t know if this is a personality disorder or if I am just actually stupid or crazy. I used to have this stable personality but now my personality is reckless and moody. If anybody relates to this please tell me because I don’t want to be alone in this. (I'm not necessarily looking for a diagnosis I am just looking for others experience similar to mine)

I was sitting on my bed, just sitting there. My cat came up to me while I was watching a YT vid (the click btw) and she started to attack my phone. I'd like to make it clear that I haven't hurt her, not even when I did this, I have dropped her from my bed (a bunk bed) but she never seemed affected and I only did that when she tore down the blanket I hung from my ceiling for privacy. When she attacked my phone, without much thought I flipped her. Like, I kinda pushed her away but she flipped onto her back. I can't remember how rough I was but she seemed fine and just layed down afterwards. I immediately grabbed her and put her on my stomach and started petting her as a silent apology. But this made me realize that i keep doing things like that I could start hurting her and I would hate to do that because she's just a small kitten. She's just doing what cats do. I feel really bad but that's not an excuse. Please, I would love to hear any feedback on what you think of this and what I could do to keep myself from letting my annoyance turn me into a monster. This poor kitty (her name is MJ) doesn't deserve to be the outlet for my anger and I really just don't know what to do or think about how I've treated her. She's laying on my chest while I type this out but I still feel like a piece of crap.

I keep trying to make friends, but everytime I try to message someone my previous trauma tells me I shouldn't and that the message will only annoy them. I just wanna make friends but because of so much past experiences it makes it so hard to reach out to them. Even though I know it's the only way I can get closer to someone I hold back.

Okay, I don’t know whether this is seen as family drama because I can’t find “teen issues”, but I’ll say it anyways. So, I’m gonna turn 13, yippee, but I have doubts. Firstly, since 13 in most films & shows are depicted as such a horrible age, is it gonna be even worse at that age? Would I grow a year older just to become an overly risky, smoke, drink, harass kids for how “ugly” they are, have my face turn into a humongous zit, grow pimples everywhere, hate school, hate my family, run away from home & do that kinda trash? I love my family, they’re very wise & cool, my dad is super smart & my mom is no-nonsense, but would I then take their cool stuff for granted for my dumb friends? I was taught by my dad that friends will eventually pressure you into doing horrible things, like drink, smoke & do drugs to seem cool, but in the end, they’re gonna get hurt. I’m scared I’m gonna turn into my worst self, my lowest point, my horrible angry toddler self again who I hate now, because I used to be so angry at 6, now I’m 12 & I’ve grown from that & I hate my 6 year old self, so at 13, will I become like that again? Regress & become dumber? Because many sites say your prefrontal cortex is really weak at this age & your amygdala is like a lion, crazy & wild. Am I gonna be my worst self? My mom says I’ll grow a lot & my dad said I’ll just be a year older, but I’m gonna be a teen & probably a bad daughter. 🥲