Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 24

There's a face I put on all my life

The face of an angel

I look in the mirror only to find

The face of a stranger

I found out that I have NPD and I'm happy for it

More ways to manipulate people on the road

man, i seriously screwed up this time. like what the hell was i even thinking? I'm 19, supposed to have my head on straight, but obviously, that's too much to ask for. so yeah, i cheated on my girlfriend, and now I'm sitting here feeling like the dumbest idiot to ever walk this earth. it ain't rocket science to be faithful, right? yet somehow, in my twisted brain, i found the loophole to mess it all up. it's not like i meant for this to happen, it wasn't even a planned thing, just a random, spur-of-the-moment stupid decision.

i mean, she's such a great girl; always there for me, supporting my crazy dreams when nobody else does. and what does she get in return? a boyfriend who likes to muck things up royally! like, how cool is that, folks? sometimes, i just wanna slap my past self and yell, “what the heck is wrong with you, man?” did my conscience take a vacation when this happened, or was i just not using the brain cells I'm supposed to have at 19? god, can things be messed up any more than this?

i remember that night vividly, you know? a few of us were chilling, one drink led to another, and before i know it, I'm making decisions dumber than a headless chicken. imagine realizing that one moment of stupidity can dismantle trust you took months, even years to build. honestly, i thought i was mature, handling life better than a lot of my friends drowning in drama. guess what? drama: 1, me: 0. anyone else been in that pit where you dig and dig but never seem to hit bottom?

but seriously, how do you even begin to fix something like this? first step: stop feeling sorry for myself, maybe. acknowledge that i was a total prick and try to make amends. but can you mend something that's totally shattered? do i even deserve another chance, or is it time to face the music and admit that i blew it? guess I'll find out soon enough. lesson learned? maybe, and you bet your *$! I’ll be wary next time my stupid brain decides to take a vacation again. isn't growing up a mess, though? 🤷‍♂️

Sigh I will just wallow in my feelings. I dunno what to think about it.. I wanna scream and shout and I dunno. Fck.

I dunno what to think about it. One thing for sure, I didn't stalk you ever. Not even once.

I am walking. It cannot be otherwise

hey there! So lately I've been kinda buggin' about this nagging thought that's been overtaking my brain way more than I'd like. I'm 21, and ever since I was a little girl, my head's been swirling with all sorts of weird rituals and obsessive thoughts. But these days, it feels like they just won't chill out, you know? 🙃 It's like every time I think I got it under control, it just ups the ante. Does anyone else feel like OCD is getting worse with age? Or am I just being dramatic here?

i remember when I was younger, it was all about checking the locks (like 10 freakin’ times) and making sure light switches were perfectly aligned. But now, it's like a whole new level. My brain's got this talent for coming up with new, more complex obsessions. 🙈 I get super jittery if I don't carry out these little rituals perfectly, and it's exhausting. I'm seriously wondering if there's any hope in sight or if it's gonna keep ramping up? like real talk, why is my mental health acting up like an angsty teenager? maybe I just need to give in and accept it, but man, it's tough; 😅 does anyone else feel me on this? or am I just being paranoid about the whole "worse with age" thing?

As I write this, I'm a junior in high school. Already I'm going through a lot and I've been through a lot in life. Tonight is like any other night of mine, except I'm sat in bed, typing away on my laptop on this site where I can talk about my feelings and experiences. I'm not even sure what to talk about, but I have so much to say. There are so many things I worry about in life, yet there are so many other things I appreciate about life. Hell, I don't know where I'm going with this, my thoughts are all over the place. I guess for starters, 2 days ago, me and my mum got into an argument. It was over something stupid but it eventually escalated to tears being shed, my tears, specifically. I don't wish to go into detail, but safe to say we were both just stressed at that moment. But ever since then, we've been distant. Our text messages are dry and there's no love in them. I just don't know how to fix this. School life isn't any better either. Gosh, I just want to get out. The boys in my class make fun of me for god knows what, the girls are annoying and are all the same with that slick back hair and loud humour, learning and studying is just exhausting, and overall it isn't so well. Yeah, I have friends, but even then I feel like I'm lonely. I've considered that maybe I'm the problem, and yeah, maybe I am, maybe I'm not. Either way, I hate it all. I just don't know why I'm the victim of those boys' shallow jokes and entertainment. Is it really that funny when you kick and throw a ball at my face? Is it really that funny when I'm speaking aloud for the class? Is it really that funny when I actually laugh and smile with my only friend in the class? And oh, it's always "boys will be boys", as if that reassures me at all. I guess you could say that's my pet peeve. But anyway, I just wanna get through my life, why is it me who they wanna make fun of? What did I do to deserve that? Maybe they hurt me because I'm just different from them. I have a lazy eye, I'm the only girl in the class with short hair, I'm not the prettiest of all and I certainly am not the loudest. But what's so wrong with that? Yes, I have a few things about me that are different from you, but is that supposed to excuse your actions? Everyone's different, everyone's born differently, everyone is their own individual and that's beautiful. And to take that individuality and toy it around like it's nothing? You are truly just pathetic. Shallow people will be the death of me and I am sure of it. The boys in my class are living proof of that. I just hate how so many people don't wanna even try to understand someones or somethings point of view or feelings, worse if they completely disregard it and/or laugh at it. Maybe in another universe, they would be better. Or maybe, in another universe, I just didn't care.

I'm more than sure that I wasn't born for this

Whatever it means

I can do better

I don't know how

But I know deep down that I can do better

I'm tired

Tomorrow I'm telling my doctor the truth because I need help

I can't keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again

I'm tired

I feel like I can't help it

Am I stuck in this fucking pattern forever?

In My Place

Were lines that I couldn't change

I was lost

Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed.

How long must you wait for it?

so i’m 31 and i’ve been slowly trying to figure out how to emotionally detach from my mom, who i’m pretty sure has borderline personality disorder. it’s been a long time coming, honestly. like, growing up, everything felt like walking on eggshells. one minute she was the most loving person ever, hugging me, calling me her sunshine, and the next, she'd flip out over the tiniest thing, crying or yelling or giving me the silent treatment for days. it’s exhausting and confusing, and even now as an adult, i find myself second-guessing everything i say to her. i’m polite, i keep things calm, but it still somehow becomes my fault. she rewrites reality sometimes, like saying things never happened or twisting my words, and i get caught in this loop of trying to prove i’m not a bad daughter. i mean, how do you explain to someone that you just want space when they think space means abandonment?

i’ve been limiting calls and visits, just to protect my peace a bit, but that guilt creeps in, you know? like, she’s still my mom. she did raise me. she had her moments where she really tried. and i can see she’s hurting too, probably scared and lonely, but i can’t keep setting myself on fire to keep her warm. i’ve read about this stuff, and it all matches—splitting, emotional blackmail, intense fear of being alone—but i can’t go telling her, "hey, maybe you have this thing" because it’ll just blow up and i’ll be painted as the cruel, ungrateful daughter again. sometimes she’ll cry and say i’m the only person who really understands her, and then the next day she’ll say i don’t care about her at all. it’s such a weird cycle. i’m not angry at her, i’m just… tired. like bone-deep tired. but i still want to care from a distance, just not drown in her emotions anymore. is that even possible?

so i’m asking, how do you actually detach from someone like that, especially when it’s your own mom? like, not just ignore her, but truly stop getting pulled into the emotional chaos and the guilt traps? how do you stay kind without being a doormat? i wanna keep my heart open, not harden it, but also not be this emotional sponge anymore. i feel more hopeful lately, like i’m getting better at spotting the patterns and not reacting the same way. i journal, i breathe through it, i remind myself that it’s not all on me. but is it okay to still love someone and not want them super close? is that selfish? i’d love to hear how other people have handled stuff like this. i feel like i’m getting there, just… slowly. and that’s okay, right?

Who is utterly techie. Dunno if he likes me a lot or hates me a lot 😭😆😆😆😆😆 I am reallyyy confused.😭😭

Is it just me or does it feel like when you’re going to relapse your whole body gets cold. Like for me when I get urges I get cold head to toe and I’m getting tired as well when it happens idk what to doooo about it

Everytime I relapse I feel like the most pathetic and stupid person in this world