Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 54

so uh I sent you this link bc I just wanna tell you that i'm sorry for the huge argument we had it was over quite honestly the stupidest thing ever and idk why I'm not talking to you I just knew that eventually I was gonna say smt stupid and you'd actually hate me then- and I mean I did say smt real stupid lol, I'm rlly sorry for that but like i didn't rlly know how to tell you irl and ofc I didn't kick you off Disease :P I mean I could've if I wabted to but then who would decide whether or not Robin dies, right? so I mean you can reply to this on this platform or you can reply on the doc I sent you this on idrm, just know I'm sorry for what I said even if I don't remember what I said. and dw, things are fine now with me smt happened today that made me rlly happy :D I'll tell you about that if you wanna hear but if you don't that's fine :P

so I mean if you don't want to be friends I understand I rlly was an asshole to you and I did treat you like shit and i'm sorry for that, just know that I do care Abt you, and I'm sorry for yelling at you at lunch I didn't know it would trigger you and when you told me I was really pissed at that point and not thinking straight with my reply

I guess that day I was just really out of it bc I felt so horrible over what had happened that morning and with my parents and my grades and everything else like my memory problems and my temper was shorter than ever so please ignore all the hurtful things I said to you (even if it didn't hurt you) bc I was kinda out of it that day

so lately i've been OBSESSED with this guy Noah Kahan

so I took one of my fav songs by it and made my own version of it

if you've heard the song you'll probably notice I kept a few of my fav lines the same cuz they're too good to alter :P

the song I redid was You're Gonna Go Far

and I have no idea if my version is good or not lol

so here it is:

I never ever felt so damn sorry

As when I saw you drive away after screaming,

"I never ever want to see you again"

I regret all that I said

This is good land, or at least it was

It takes a strong hand and a sound mind

All our kids are gettin’ so old, aint they?

They’ve been leaving out of town, like they can’t wait

Half don’t even live in the same state

If they got an appointment, they’ll be late

This is good land, or at least it was

It takes a strong hand and a sound mind

I never smile, but I know when I get rough,

Ooh, you got enough

Ooh, you got enough where you are

And while I yell and scream across the yard

Ooh, you'll be far

Ooh, you'll be far, far from here

So, you packed up your car, I put my hand on your heart

I said, “This is what you want,

But you ain’t gonna get far”

But I ain't angry at you, love

You're the greatest thing I've lost

The water still flows, the sun will still shine,

And everyone knows

One day, we’ll all die

I ain't angry at you, love

I’m just waitin’ for you, love

And I’m always here forever

And I’m always here forever

I sure am

My heart’s been achin’ since you left

Thinkin’ ‘bout what I said

“You know, you won’t go nowhere.”

But you know I’ve, you know I’ve been livin' just to die

You told me you would make a difference

Well, I got drunk and shut you down

It won't be by your own volition

If you step foot outside this town

But it's all we need

For always

So, you packed up your car, I put my hand on your heart

I said, “This is what you want,

But you ain’t gonna get far”

But I wasn’t angry at you, love

You were the greatest thing I've lost

The water still flowed, the sun still shined

And still, we all know, someday, we’ll all die

I wasn't angry at you, love

Was just waitin' for you, love

And I’ll still be here forever

And I'll still be here forever

You know, you went far!

You know, you went far!

You know, you went far!

You know, you went far!

Yes, you did (ooh)

If you wanna go (go) far

Then you gotta go (go) far

so this morning in the hall on my way to Band class, a friend of mine passed, one of the Special Ed kids. Usually he just waves at me, and I smile and wave back, but today he said, "Can I have a hug?" And I said, "Sure!" and that was hours ago and I'm still smiling. That little interaction made my day a little better :D

here's your reminder that even the smallest of things, a little smile, a hug, even a compliment can brighten someone's day just a little!

being a teen is honestly exhausting. not only do you have to live up to your parents expectations but also maintain a good social life in school. at some point being a teen and A GIRL is just the hardest thing ever, you post anything on instagram you get slut shamed although its not inappropriate at all, you enjoy your life and have few flings or situationships or dated few people you are called a whore, when you reject someone you get called "lose" (referring to the hole) and so much more than i cant even think of cuz this generation is so messed up. everyones point of view has changed and all their eyes roam where it shouldnt be, more than making love with someone you love, ppl watch porn and masturbate. peoples way of thinking and everything has changed so much in a bad way that being a girl and trying to survive is the hardest thing you can do.

its not 2 or 4 people or maybe its the whole school, you do one thing that might not even be problematic and people add up things and make it sound way worse and you are the new "whore" or "slut" or just someone everyone hates. i had a bf who cheated on me a couple of times and when we broke up since people who knew what he did blamed at him, he played the victim card and posted shit like i cheated on him many times and stuff, ever since peoples pov of me has changed so much. its not only inside the school but even people outside that i dont even know, people just judge you with what they know and befriend with the real bad people out there. not to sound lame or anything but at some point everything i did was problematic to everyone. people posted memes and stories making jokes bout me, some were fine but some were really inappropriate.

it affected me so much that i just wanted to be a completely different person, and i did change a lot (in a good way) but there are still people who keep complaining bout me being happy, i dont care anymore although its annoying how it keeps coming back. now im stuck with being seen by everyone. i lost a LOT of close friends and people since that incident and had no one rly beside, it was the hardest time of my life going through all that alone but im happy i overcame came. but its so lonely to have no true friend and whats more worse is i feel jealous that my current boyfriend is more associated with a lot of people, i am quite obsessive and overprotective cuz i keep losing people i love and shit. but when he has everything i want and things i wish he didnt i cant help it but to hate myself. i am insecure and lack self confidence, so its just become exhausting to be cared bout and seen by everyone and yeah "fomo".

what ive become today is being defined only by others pov or what they have heard and never of what i really am. its so tiring to accept it or keep ignoring it sometimes, its really my vulnerable point so hate sharing it to someone i know and when i try they think all i want is "attention" and here i am sitting in my room wondering what im doing in my life cuz its exhausting to try and exhausting to not be seen.

The coworkers I work with in this outpatient lab grind on my nerves. maybe it's a me thing but they complain about literally every. single. thing. they complain about the fact that I get one day off every week (I work 4 10s they work 5 8s) completely ignoring the fact that we both work the same number of hours each week. They get annoyed the I use my vacation time. (fun fact that's part of my benefits. why would I not use the benefits I have) they get annoyed that sometimes when they come back from lunch there are 3 people in the lobby but ignore the fact that when they leave for lunch they will leave 8-10 patients in the lobby. And I'm pretty sure that if i was to register the patients in the lobby and put them under them to be drawn they would be annoyed they have to draw blood after coming back from lunch. But hey when they leave for the day that's okay if they leave with a lobby full of patients because god forbid they stay one minute past their scheduled shift . They feel like they are above the standards that they hold everyone else to like hypocrites.

I never thought I’d be the guy who had it all together. And to be honest, I still don’t feel like I do. But when I look at my life—my wife, my kids, our home—I know I’m lucky. I have a good job, a healthy family, and a reason to wake up every morning. I remember being younger, picturing what adulthood would look like, and this was it. The stability, the love, the feeling of coming home to people who actually want to see you at the end of the day. Life is good. But at the same time, there’s this nagging thought in the back of my mind that I can’t shake: it can be better.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not unhappy. It’s not like I want to run away from my responsibilities or trade any of this for something else. But sometimes, I feel like I’m just going through the motions. Work, bills, fixing things around the house, making sure the kids have everything they need. Then it’s bedtime, a few hours of quiet, and we do it all over again. And I love my family more than anything, but I miss something I can’t even put into words. Maybe it’s freedom, maybe it’s excitement, maybe it’s just the feeling of being more than just a dad and a husband.

I see other guys chasing their dreams—starting businesses, traveling, picking up new hobbies—and I wonder if I’m supposed to be doing that too. Should I be pushing myself harder? Should I be taking risks instead of playing it safe all the time? There was a time when I had big ideas, when I wanted more than just a comfortable life. But now? I’m not even sure what more looks like anymore. And the weird thing is, I feel guilty for even thinking about it. Like, shouldn’t I just be grateful for what I have? Shouldn’t this be enough?

Maybe part of the problem is that I don’t really take time for myself. I’m always in “dad mode” or “work mode,” and when I do get a second to breathe, I don’t even know what to do with it. I used to love playing guitar, used to spend hours drawing, used to actually read books instead of just scrolling through my phone. But somewhere along the way, those things stopped feeling important. Now, if I do anything that isn’t productive, I feel like I’m wasting time. And there’s always something else that needs to get done.

But I don’t want to wake up one day and realize I let myself disappear. I don’t want to be that guy who only existed for his family and forgot how to be his own person too. My kids are gonna grow up. They’re gonna have their own lives, their own problems, their own dreams. And when that happens, who will I be? Just some guy who works and pays bills? That thought scares me more than I like to admit.

So yeah, life is good, but it can be better. Not because I want more money or a bigger house or some crazy adventure. But because I want to feel alive in my own life, not just present in everyone else’s. I don’t know exactly what that looks like yet, but I know it starts with me. And maybe that’s enough for now.

I just can't do this anymore. All my friends are pissed at me for things I don't remember. My parents are disappointed in me for absolutely EVERYTHING: my grades, the people I'm friends with, the fact I'm genderfluid, everything. I don't care if people will miss me or not. I need to get out of here.

(nobody mentioned below is on this website as far as I know, I just need to get this out.)

Sam, I'm so sorry. You told me to stay strong but since I can't talk to you anymore, I got weak. I knew I couldn't survive without you, but I was stupid and didn't try to find a way for us to keep talking. If I can live through this, I will find a way for us to connect.

Bowie, you're welcome. I'll finally be out of your life, just like you wanted. You wanted that, right? Of course you did.

Emma, my love, I'm so, so sorry. But I can't go on like this anymore. I love you, but I gotta go.

To my parents: I was the child you didn't want, right? Well, now you don't have to have me anymore. See ya.

I don’t even know what’s wrong with me anymore, but I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s like no matter what I do, he’s always in my head, like a song stuck on repeat that I never even meant to play. I keep telling myself to move on, to focus on other things, but then something happens—some tiny, stupid thing—and I’m right back where I started.

I see his name pop up on my phone, and my heart does that annoying little flip, even if it’s just a random meme he sent in the group chat. I pass by the hallway at school where we used to sit together, and I swear I can still hear us laughing, like some kind of ghost of what we used to be. And that’s the worst part—there was a “we” once. Maybe not in the way I wanted, not in the way I dreamed about late at night when I stared at my ceiling, wondering if he ever thought about me like I thought about him. But he was in my life, and now he’s not, and I don’t know how to deal with that. I tried, I really did. I deleted our old messages, I stopped looking for him in every crowd, I even forced myself to talk to other guys just to prove to myself that he wasn’t that special. But itt didn’t work. It’s like my brain refuses to let him go, like it’s clinging onto every little memory, every dumb inside joke, every time he smiled at me in that way that made me feel like I was the only person in the world. And maybe he never meant to make me feel that way. Maybe it was all in my head, some fantasy I built up because I wanted it to be real so badly. But even if it was just me, it still felt real, and that’s what makes it so hard. I hate how pathetic I sound, like some cliche lovesick girl in a bad romance movie, but I don’t know how to make it stop. I tell myself he doesn’t even think about me anymore, that he’s probably moved on without a second thought, and maybe that’s true. But what if it’s not? What if he misses me too, but he’s just better at hiding it?

What if I gave up too soon, what if I should have tried harder, what if this feeling means something and I’m just letting it slip away? I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore, except that every time I think I’m okay, something pulls me back to him, and I hate it, but at the same time, I don’t want it to end. Because if I stop thinking about him, then what’s left? Just me, alone, with nothing but the empty space where he used to be.

I’ve never been good at the whole social thing. It’s not like I hate people or anything, I just… don’t know what to do around them. I’m 30, I work in IT, and I spend most of my time either at my job or at home. If I’m being honest, I don’t really have friends. Not real ones, at least. There are coworkers I talk to, sure, but it’s all surface-level. Small talk about projects, the occasional joke, maybe a conversation about whatever new tech is trending. But it never goes beyond that. No one’s inviting me out for drinks after work, no one’s texting me on weekends to hang out. I see other people who have their group of friends, who go to game nights or out to dinner, and I wonder how they even got there. At what point do you go from “just coworkers” to actual friends? Because for me, that part never seems to happen. I go to work, I do my job, I go home, and that’s my life. And honestly? It’s starting to feel… empty.

I know I should be more social, but I have no idea HOW. I tried going to a meetup once—some group for people in tech who like gaming. Seemed perfect, right? But the second I walked in, it felt like everyone already knew each other. They were talking, laughing, making plans for things outside of the group, and I just stood there awkwardly, pretending to be interested in my phone. Eventually, someone started a conversation with me, and for a minute, I felt okay. But then the conversation shifted, people started making jokes I didn’t really get, and just like that, I was back to feeling like an outsider. It’s not that they were rude or anything. They were just… normal. Comfortable. And I wasn’t. So I left early, told myself I’d try again next time, but I never went back. That’s the thing—every time I try, it feels like it doesn’t work, like I just don’t fit in. So what’s the point in putting myself through that?

The worst part is, I actually want to connect with people. I don’t want to be the guy who spends every weekend alone, eating takeout and scrolling through Reddit, watching other people live their lives. I want to be part of something. But the idea of putting myself out there again, just to feel like I don’t belong, is exhausting. And the longer I stay in this cycle, the harder it feels to break out of it. I tell myself I’ll start saying yes to things—yes to after-work drinks, yes to social events—but when the time comes, I just make an excuse. Oh, I’m too tired. Oh, I have work to do. But the truth is, I’m just scared. Scared that even if I show up, I’ll still be the guy standing off to the side, not really part of anything. And honestly? That feeling is worse than just being alone in the first place.

So where does that leave me? I don’t know. Maybe the trick isn’t to force myself into social situations where I feel uncomfortable, but to start small. Maybe I should try to connect with just one person instead of an entire group. Maybe I should stop overthinking every conversation, worrying about whether I’m saying the right thing, and just… talk. I don’t expect to suddenly become the life of the party, but I don’t want to keep feeling this way either. There’s gotta be a way to get better at this, to feel like I actually belong somewhere. I just have to figure out how.

I can't take it anymore. My parents have never supported me in anything, when I want to move forward, they hold me back. I just need to go.

I want advice, I am planning to ask my cousin or friends to let me stay there at their house until I find some work and from there I'll figure it out. I've been advised to not forget my documents and take some money. What else can I do?

It takes a village. You need to work on building your village. I feel I have but many times it’s confirmed my village is not very robust or even existent. It’s heartbreaking. People are nice enough for awhile but then don’t (or “can’t”) show up when you really need it. What am I missing? What am I doing wrong?

I've been trying. I've been really trying to be better. But nothing i've tried really works. Whenever i looks like i took a step foward i take two back. I don't know what to do. Lately things have been only getting worse. And i think my anxiety Is getting worse too. And i'm so tired. I'm so tired of feeling anxious. I'm so tired of trying. I'm tired of failing. I'm tired of feeling so horrible. I feel like i'm ruining everything. All over again. And i feel like i'm dragging my loved ones down with me. They don't deserve that. I'm sorry. I don't want to be like this. But i don't know how to fix It. The more i think about, the more i think that maybe i'm a bad person, and that maybe i can't fix anything afterall.

Honestly my dad is a massive bitch and im so close to losing my shit. Everyone i talk to just goes like “oh but he’s your dad” ok but im his daughter. He’s supposed to be the man i look up to, he’s supposed to be an example for me to look at for the future, he’s supposed to be my father but honestly all i see him as is just a nuisance. All he does is complain and complain all day. He’s spent thousands of money over a game while me and my siblings are over here starving some nights.

Sometimes i feel like sort of a burden. No one really talks to me, i usually have to start conversations. Or when the other person starts the conversation its just a quick one and they give off that they dont wanna talk to me. Maybe its just me but i miss being someone’s first choice. Would anyone choose me as their first option, or will i always be the side friend who people come to for advice only.

It’s pretty tiring but it’s ok, i have my gf. We dont talk much bc we’re both busy most days but i love her so much

Oh to be in my girlfriend’s arms again..