Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 55

so my boyfriend and I have been there for 7 months now. I've noticed he's been talking to girls that he used to like and one of his exes. I told him to block them and not to talk to them cus I didn't feel comfortable with him talking to them. instead of listening or finding a way arnd it, he started gaslighting me, making me feel bad and feel like its my fault. He still talks to them to this day but I'm too scared to voice it out again cus I'm afraid he might get mad at me. am I being dramatic? am I overreacting?

I have about 4.6g of benadryl I'm prepared to take. Give me a reason not to. Not the stupid bullshit of "it'll get better" because it's not, my mental health is getting worse, my physical health is getting worse, and my thoughts have just been getting darker and darker. I'm stuck with my trauma, there's no getting around the ptsd, I can't get help for myself and when I try to reach out I just get told that I've gotten all the help they can give. The only other option really is getting committed but I would literally rather die than get committed and have to deal with everyone finding out + the costs. What reason do I have to live? I have my girlfriend but I just cause her more problems than the ones she already has, she's about it. My parents don't really care about me, and I use and manipulate my friends too much they'd be better without me being around.

Tell me an incident which makes you believe in god

I keep on taking nonstop wrong decisions even though at the time of taking them I don't realise the potential cons everytime. Some decisions I surely know that were wrong and some I am confuse that whether it was right or wrong. But I am never make decisions which are absolutely right for me ( or so I think).

I get anxiety attacks due to this.

At this point I think I should take any decision that I think are right, and out of say 3 decisions, if atleast 1 is right then I would be satisfied.

Most of my life I've had mental illness and other issues, due to trauma and genetics. Despite the many efforts and treatments from therapy, my anxiety and depression has worsened. It has lead me to become a somewhat dishonest person. I'm 24 years old, but still have no idea what to pursue job/career wise. When people ask, my responses include near future plans to enter a college/job or answers that I'm still looking into it. Neither are true. After talking with many others to get advice, working on my confidence and skills, taking work quizzes, having a job, etc. There was absolutely nothing that peaked my interest enough to go for it. I already have given up, but feel that no one will understand and keep pushing me to find something when there's nothing to find. Something must be terribly wrong with me because, my dream life is to be unimportant to the world and be alone. A life where no one is expecting anything of me and knows nothing about me and won't ask. I know people need jobs to survive, but I don't even care to survive, either. Not even that motivates me to work. My current job is to care for my close relatives children while they work. I love them and we have so much fun, but they are so difficult to care for at the same time. The youngest has food aversions and is not caught up on mental or vocal development for their age. My current guess is that they have autism. The reason I think this besides the similarity in the symtipms is because the older sibling has asperges and a mood disorder and adhd, the oldest child had Adhd as well. It just runs in the family. It's immensely difficult to navigate. Right now, It's only 2 hours a day, but in the summer when schools out, I will more than likely become overwhelmed. In the end of the summer, I'm planning to move away, but don't want to tell anyone where I'm going out of the embarrassment. Maybe, it's right of me to be embarrassed because I'm willingly putting myself into homelessness ans giving everything away to go to a homeless shelter. There is no intention of ever becoming not homeless. I'm tired of living with people who need rent money and need me to work and know what I want to do with my life when all I want is to be able to survive and show kindness and respect to others. That's literally it. I'm not looking to be in relationships or reach huge milestones. Idk why I'm never motivated to be like everyone else, but nothing has been able to change it. I convinced myself hard to be like them hoping it would force a different reality on me. It didn't. I feel like a broken person and although, I will never take my own life over it, I so just wish I could pass away some other moral way. Is that wrong of me? Is there something I should of tried that I never did? I just feel helpless and ashamed.

I honestly don’t know why I’m like this. It’s like the second someone shows me even the tiniest bit of kindness or attention, my brain goes into overdrive. Suddenly, I’m imagining what our conversations will be like next week, wondering if they think about me too, and playing out fake scenarios in my head like I’m in a damn rom-com. It doesn’t even have to be romantic all the time. It can be a new friend, a coworker, a person I met once at a party who made me laugh. I get so emotionally invested so fast, and then I’m left there waiting, hoping they feel the same way. And when they don’t? Or worse, when they pull away a little? I crumble. Every single time. And it’s so frustrating because I know I’m doing it, I see myself getting attached, and I still can’t stop it.

The worst part is, I don’t even think people realize how hard it hits me. On the outside, I probably seem fine. I’ll say things like “Oh yeah, we’re just talking” or “No big deal” but inside, it is a big deal. I’ve already assigned meaning to every text they send, read into every emoji, every word, every pause. I’ve already placed so much hope and emotional weight into someone who might just be casually getting to know me. It’s like I don’t have that middle ground where things can just be neutral or slow. I’m either totally uninterested or way too into it. And it’s exhausting. For me and probably for them too. I get it. I wouldn’t wanna deal with someone who gets attached so easily either. But it’s not like I want to be like this. I don’t sit there thinking, let me obsess over someone I barely know today. It just… happens.

Sometimes I think it’s because I didn’t really have strong, stable connections growing up. I had friends, but not the kind of deep, lasting friendships you see in movies or on social media. I had moments where I felt really alone, and maybe now I’m constantly looking to fill that space. Like I’m searching for people who will finally stay. Who will see me, really see me, and not walk away when I get too intense or too emotional. But that intensity, I think, scares people. I give too much too soon. I reply too quickly. I ask too many questions. And then when they start backing off, I panic and cling harder. And then, of course, they really back off. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm scared they'll leave, so I act in a way that pushes them to leave. And every time it happens, it reinforces that belief in my head: that I’m just too much for people.

I wish I could be chill. I wish I could meet someone new and not immediately start caring too much or hoping too much. I wish I could just be in the moment without overthinking everything. But I don’t know how. I’m 20, and I already feel like my heart’s been through too many small, quiet heartbreaks that nobody else even knew were happening. And it’s not even about finding love or anything dramatic like that. Sometimes I just want connection—real, consistent, meaningful connection—and maybe I latch on too fast because I’m scared it’ll disappear if I don’t. But I’m learning, slowly, that not every connection is meant to be permanent. And not everyone who smiles at you or sends a kind message is going to stay in your life. And that’s okay. At least, I’m trying to belive it’s okay.

okay so i really don’t kno what’s wrong with me rn and i feel super confused all the time, like i got this bf right? he’s sweet and nice and he’s always there for me and we been together for like 7 months now which is kinda a big deal for me lol, cuz usually i get bored or annoyed but with him it’s been good mostly. but the thing is… there’s this other guy. and it’s not like i went looking for it or anything!! it just kinda happened. he’s in my class and we started talkin more and more, just being chill and stuff, joking around, texting late sometimes. nd now every time i see him my heart does that stupid little jump thing, ugh. i feel so wrong even typing this like what kinda person catches feelings for someone else while already having a boyfriend?? i feel like a terrible gf but at the same time i can’t help it. like my brain is screaming stoppp but my heart is like what if u like both?? and now i don’t even know what love is anymore.

i thought love was supposed to be this one person thing, like u find ur person and boom that’s it. no one tells u what to do when u catch feelings for two diff people at the same time. and it’s not even like one is bad and the other is better. they’re just… different. my bf is more soft and sweet, like the kind of guy who brings u snacks when u sad and listens to u talk for hours even if ur just being dramatic. the other guy tho? he’s more funny and confident and flirty and i feel all nervous around him and excited in this like crazy way that makes me feel alive. so what does that mean?? does that mean i don’t love my boyfriend anymore?? or do i just love them in diff ways?? idk if this makes me a bad person or if this is normal and ppl just don’t talk about it. i asked one of my friends and she was like “girl you gotta pick” but what if i don’t wanna yet? what if choosing means losing something important either way?? and like… what if i’m too young to even know what real love is and i’m just being stupid?? ughh my brain hurts fr.

some nights i lay there thinking maybe i just want attention or maybe im scared of being bored or maybe i like the idea of love more than the real thing, but it feels real. like when i think about both of them i get this ache in my chest and i just want them both to know how much i care. but that’s not fair right? i kno i gotta be honest and maybe break things off or make a decision, but i also don’t wanna hurt anyone. nd the more i wait the more i feel like im just messin everything up. i wish someone could just tell me what to do or if it’s even possible to really love two people at the same time. cuz if it is, then maybe im not crazy. maybe im just human. but if it’s not, then what the heck am i supposed to do with all these feelings?? everything feels messy and complicated and i just wanna scream into a pillow and not think about it but the thoughts always come back. being a teen is dumb sometimes.

This will be very long, but that's just how much I need to let out. So, let me begin.

I used to have a friend group, it felt like the world was mine when I'm with them. Plus, I was sort of the leader. But later, we all had separated because of most of us transferring to different schools. I wanted to keep touch, of course, but over time, we drifted apart. We still text, but what's bothering me is one of my friends from our group who I should say is one of the closest to me.

At first,we were both venting to each other about our new environment, but lately, I noticed he getting way less present. In our group chat, when I text her personally, she became more distant. I found out that she probably has new friends. So of course,she'd already forget us since she has a replacement now.

I wish I'm like her. Someone who can easily forget others. Because the more I remember, the more it hurt. Moreover, at my new school, I turned into a quiet kid. New kid, so everyone already has friends and has no room for me. Ignored, invisible even when I try to participate, they wont acknowledge me. Be it my peers or the teachers.

This made me feel lowly. Another thing if like to vent about (told you, there's a lot) is about my appearance. I'm short, wear glasses, not exactly that fair... I wish I can be pretty. I always wonder how other girls can look pretty, even if they look like me. I think it might be because of their fashion. One more thing I can only wish for. I want to wear outfits like them. They all look pretty, elegant and trendy. Like people others would walk by and say "wow, she's beautiful". But whenever I express my desire to wear pretty outfits, my family would tell me that it 'doesn't suit me' or like 'when are you gonna wear it?' .

My sister is trendy. She can go out on her own, buy clothes without worrying what others would think. She's tall, pretty, smart, admired. I'm only a year younger but I can never look as mature as her. She has her own bank card, her own purse... When I ask for these, my parents would procrastinate buying me one, I'll end up never getting it.

I just want to be like them. I want to have friends, go out with them, look pretty, go to fancy events (my school never does them, while my sister's always has these events), I just wanna feel wanted. But I'll always be the average, unwanted, background character. I wanna feel important in someone's life just like how important my friends are to me. I wish I can be someone who doesn't break down crying from just a few nice words from a stranger on the internet. I just want to be someone else who's not this pathetic me.

Sorry for this being so long, I actually have more to say, but I'll end it here. Just the thought of someone reading this whole thing is amazing. Just so you know, I appreciate you. I want to be someone who can provide comfort too. This makes me feel better, and I like that feeling. Thank you, thank you so much.

Hi I have a medical condition that caused me a constant chronic hiccups and its too hard to live with that even my boyfriend couldn't take it anymore

It's killing me literally

There were always different rumors about me because well I'm not really the invisible type ( basically I'm not afraid of cringe), but this one confuse me, I might be kinda sickly and my bones might crack a lot but I don't have any life threatening illness, even when I try to explain that I'm fine, my schoolmates just look at me with pity, heck people even organized a mini party for me and a mini fundraiser.... I don't know what to do I'm just sitting here confused as hell

what makes being too good or being too evil a bad thing?

yo fr i hate working. like i kno some ppl say that but nah i really mean it. every job i ever had or tried to have just made me wanna quit life. school already drains me enough, sittin in a class all day hearing stuff i don’t even care about and then ppl expect me to go flip burgers or stock shelves after?? nah bro, miss me with that. i aint lazy lazy like i’ll do stuff if i have to, but if i can avoid doin too much, best believe i’m gonna. the thing is i still need money tho, like i wanna buy stuff, get snacks, maybe save up for a used car or whatever, but i don’t wanna work my butt off 8 hours a day for it. that’s why i been tryna find jobs for people like me—people who hate working. not even being dramatic here, just bein real.

i been looking at stuff online and some jobs don’t seem that bad if u just wanna chill. like night shift security guard? sounds kinda perfect. u just sit there most the time, watch cameras, maybe walk around once or twice, but mostly ur alone and no one bothers u. plus it’s dark and quiet which is way better than loud annoying customers. another one i saw is library assistant or something. u just sort books and tell people to be quiet basically, which is kinda my vibe not gonna lie. nobody expects u to go fast, it’s all slow paced and peaceful. also heard about dog walking or pet sitting, and that honestly sounds fun. dogs don’t talk back, they don’t judge u, and if u walk like 3-4 dogs a day u can get paid decently. only downside is cleaning up poop, but honestly i’ll take that over dealing with rude customers anyday. and some ppl even make money just posting vids online or streaming games. i aint famous or anything but if they can do it maybe i can too one day idk.

i just wish ppl would stop acting like u gotta love working or have some big dream job. like nah man some of us just wanna chill, not hate our lives every morning. i see adults working like crazy, gettin burned out and miserable and i’m like yeah… no thanks. if i can find a way to survive without going insane, that’s enough for me. maybe one day i’ll find something i don’t mind doing, maybe not, but for now i’m just tryna figure out how to get paid without killin my soul in the process. nd if that means takin the lazy route, then so be it. not everyone’s built to grind 24/7, some of us just tryna stay afloat with the least amount of effort possible. and that’s okay.

Idk anymore..... I'm an MLM but I'm falling for a girl, I keep denying myself every day, it hurts me. But if I accept myself then I will think to myself what my family always says to me "don't get a girlfriend!" It really traumatized me. I'm only comfortable with guys, but with women. I don't know

My bestfriednd always had bad taste in men, they're ugly with ugly personality, but her boyfriend right now is destroying the last bit of patience I had for her, basically the only good thing about that guy is that he's tall, but he's face heck it could give people nightmare, his personality? Manipulative, arrogant, egoist, narcissist and want to put his schlong everywhere, I tried multiple times to get her to see that he's a bad guy but nooooo "sHe cAn fIx himmmm " she ain't Bob the builder, heck her own life is crumbling apart because of him but she doesn't want to see it and now she doesn't wanna talk to me because "I'm a bad influence in her life...." I helped her study, helped her find a scholarship, taught her how to make a C.V and how to network, but naaaah, i'm the bad influence, i'm tired of acting like her mama and when that guy cheat ( I know he will cause he asked me for spicy picture)I ain't gonna wipe her tears, I will tell her I told you so, if y'all were in my place what would you do?

i dont even kno what’s wrong with me fr. like i try, i really do. i sit in class, i listen, i take notes, i study sometimes too but it just dont stick. like my brain hears the words but it dont do anything with it. everyone else gets it, the teacher explains stuff and they just nod like yep that makes sense and im sittin there with the same confused face i had from the start. it’s like everyone around me is in on some secret and im the only one who missed it. like the whole world gets how things work except me. and i hate it. i hate sittin there feelin dumb while people answer questions and i dont even kno what page we’re on. sometimes i laugh it off like haha im just stupid lol but inside it makes me feel so small. i see the grades come back and they suck every time, and no matter what anyone says it always feels like a punch in the gut. you just need to work harder, they say. try a different method, they say. like bruh, what do you think i been doing?? its not like i wanna fail. i go home and i got nothin to be proud of. my mom asks how school was and i lie, say it’s fine, but its not. i feel like the dumb one in every room, every group, every conversation. even my friends joke about it sometimes like oh that’s just you being slow again and i laugh cuz i dont want them to see how much it really gets to me.

i see smart kids and i wish i was like them. like how do they make it look so easy?? like they just know stuff. they get the grades, they get the praise, teachers like them, they get picked for things, nd im just… there. i dont even kno what im good at anymore. not school, not sports, not talkin to people, like what is even the point of me?? i feel like a mistake. like i was born broken or something. nd yeah maybe people will say dont be so hard on yourself or everyone learns differently but that don’t help when u the one failing every test. that don’t help when u see ur friends talkin about college and future jobs and im just tryna survive next period without crying. i get scared. like, what if this never changes? what if im always the one that don’t get it? what if im always the one people look at and feel sorry for? i wanna be smart. i wanna make my parents proud. i wanna have a future where i don’t feel useless every day. but right now? i just feel dumb. nd i keep askin myself why. why am i dumb? why cant i be normal? why does my brain feel like it hates me? no one gives answers that make sense. no one gets it. they just say stuff to make me feel better but they don’t know what it’s like. nd honestly, i don’t even kno how much longer i can take feeling like this every single day...