Love Stories

I have lost one of my parent in early years. Stayed at relatives house for over 20 years. Faced a lot of trauma and when tried to make a gf outside of this world I got a heartbreak. At the age of 24 I feel life has no worth and I need support to live

I'm not really asking for advice or anything. Anyways, I slept a lot in class today, haven't showered, eaten, drunk anything to the point where I felt weak. Sometimes I'm just severely depressed, but today I realized that's quite bad and I need to baby myself. I use to app to help others and myself, helping others also helps me help myself, idk why but I feel better and give the advice to myself. I decided to actually eat and everything. I feel better but I think the reason I do is because of my mind, like a clarity thing. Sometimes I take care of myself and I ask what the point is when I don't have anyone to go as I'm homeschooled and live in the south. I'm surprised I feel good today despite it not being sunny outside. I think it's because I stopped trying to make myself do everything when I'm in such a horrible state, like workout and cook. Those things feel hard when I can barely eat.

I also feel good because it can only go up from here. Idk tho, tomorrow I could do a complete 180 and feel suicidal again but hopefully not. I feel like I haven't gotten much happiness from my hobbies or whatever I got for the holidays. My hair is in a weird era rn because it's something you have to trust the process, I go back to my hairstylist in a few months. I need to but a wig lol. I'm looking forward to that, looking girly and all. Of course I'm looking forward towards summer.

It can also feel hard to study and do homeschool when I don't have my basic needs met aka like sleep, hunger, hygiene. I've been texting people who I think are very cool to become friends with them, I do 2 people a day. I started yesterday but neither of the previous guys have responded yet, that won't stop me tho. I know the friendships that I have now aren't really exactly what I need or anything. I one of my friends sends me friend appreciation posts which I really appreciate. I don't really have a best friend tho so I'm gonna work on that as well. I've learned that any short amount of discomfort or has experiences is worth it to keep finding my support group.

Like I have a guy friend but I literally get grossed out by him. He's overly sexual and even if he's not, I still feel the disgust. I was friends with him because I actually felt connected and he's the only other friend I have but at the same time...I've started to feel physically disgusted about his personality traits. I think all the sexual stuff ruined it and I just hate everything about him now to the point where I think he's nasty. I don't really know how to break that off, he's given me his email, number, State, and he hacked me because I made a joke about hacking him. He thought he ate that but all it did was make me scared of him. I just wanna do this without getting harmed, I know he won't take it well. He's autistic and ADHD so maybe he didn't understand the social cue. If I'm being honest, I don't have any healthy relationship with any men in my life, for family, most are violent. For online, very weird and just use you for sexual gratification. I've only had one healthy friendship with a guy online. I don't really know how to have a normal one but it's something I wanna search for.

I've been waiting on my mom because she said she'll help me get a new doctor as I've aged out of the kids doctor now. I'm quite impatient but I don't know how that process really works and if it's complicated so I'm just here. I also need to get my drivers license, the reason it's taken me long is because I'm terrified of driving and almost got hit but I've studied for two months straight so that's something. I also broke my glasses, they just kinda fell apart in my hand, I live in America and that stuff isn't covered, my mom said she'll figure it out on how to pay. I wish It was covered, I just wanna see, people take seeing humans for granted, I feel more anxious without my glasses because my brain is missing social quies and faces and much more. I just keep my head down to make sure I'm not doing anything awkward because I can't see someone.

To end it on a silly note, this is definitely limerence because I don't know him but there is a very cute guy who works at the fast food place, me and the family go to. We've made eye contact a couple times and he laughed because I kept looking away. Idk why but seeing him makes me happy. I low-key avoid eye contact because I told my mom about him and she embarrassed me by pointing at him to "make sure it's him I'm talking about" 🥲

I'm still living and that's enough, I just need to take one thing at a time. 🪷

I just hate that lying manipulative narcisisstic avoidant dimissive ass. 5 years long he tells me I'm all he needs and as soon as he makes friends who happen to be polyamorous he is too. That piece of shit. "Well I'm not monogamous by choice" are you telling me you're involuntarily mono? You piece of shit. I hate you for everything you've done to me and for every time you cheated on me. I hope it all falls apart for you.

I feel like people are seeing me as crazy at work when I'm not. I'm a perfectly sane person, but I feel that my personal situation can't be made public in any way. I'm there solely to go through stages of my life that I needed to go through, purely for that reason. I needed to complete certain phases of my life that I had personally abandoned before they caused future consequences, as happened with my family.

I confess that I feel like a complete fraud, a situation I myself have perpetuated by claiming to be in some kind of special condition when that's not the case. In fact, I don't know who said that or why it was made public if I said it wasn't true. I feel like others are assuming I'm something I'm not, and I'm afraid that this will have consequences for me. I feel like I'm even taking advantage of it to do things, I confess, of course, nothing that results in any irresponsibility; in fact, it allows me to express my true self. Perhaps within a certain context, it constitutes a special situation; I've never experienced anything like this before, yet it has all the same symptoms. Yes, I have to confess, I feel special, and in fact, I feel like this is the treatment I've always deserved from others. It hurts because there's someone who isn't being treated appropriately and has acted unpleasantly towards me because of it, even though I've tried to help her. However, I can't do anything for her; I've just realized that.

I wish I could treat her differently than everyone else does, but I can't, and selling myself isn't something I'm willing to do. In fact, I feel like this person wants to take advantage of my situation and my attraction to her, and that's what I'm trying to prevent at all costs. I don't want to be with this person under these conditions; I absolutely refuse to give myself to her. I find it incredibly narcissistic that she acted kindly when she was ignoring me completely and even told me, after I'd been doing this for a while, not to worry. I can't give myself over any further, because it's going to reach a point where I'll go too far, and we're at work, which is precisely what I've been trying to avoid in order to be able to engage in dialogue. However, we're already reaching the point where it's impossible for our paths to continue aligning, something that might even be beneficial for the person. Since I've been involved with this person on a deeper level, I feel like it's been a desperate attempt to prove that I feel something for them, somehow, to expose my condition, even though it's definitely present. It's been an attempt, that's how I've felt, to prove that I'm abusing it, surely as this person has. Of course, this person carries a particular condition, and in fact, they are abusing it.

I feel that there's no love whatsoever between this person and me, not in any way. Instead, there's an attempt to make me fall into the very thing they've always avoided at all costs, and it hurts to be with them. I went all the way with him just to give him the illusion that he had me in his clutches, only to then leave him immediately. I don't want to think what would have become of me if I had gone so far as to truly express my feelings, only to have it lead to some kind of generalized victimhood. I wouldn't have liked that at all.

Now, why did I have to go to this extreme with someone? I don't understand. I didn't mess with this person at all; she messed with me. I feel like she was trying every trick in the book to make me fall for her, obsessively determined to succeed. Perhaps to escape the guilt of having to be involved with me in some way, given the pressure she's under. All this time we were going our separate ways, but now, seeing what I was doing with her makes me want to run away in terror. Part of it is seeing how he takes advantage of people by manipulating their ability to confuse things and then abandoning them, keeping them out of the loop, of course, just as he does with her. More than pretending to have a romantic relationship with this character, it was about protecting my life. I didn't think I was doing that until now, because while things were happening, I was on a completely different wavelength. I thought we were involved, when in reality we weren't. Instead, we were engaged in a hidden struggle, one that no one could see but him and me.

I can't believe I'm discovering this now, and it hurts. I never imagined this would happen to me, and it makes me feel deeply disappointed, with absolutely no desire to ever see him again. I'm not even interested in hearing any explanations from him. I thought we were headed toward something beautiful, something wonderful, but no.

I (18 year old male), had my first gay experience today.

We met on sniffies(i know its not the best place) and talked for a good while, finally making plans to meet up around 3 to 4pm at a park. I was very nervous, exited, hesitant, and yet also expectant. I packed a bag with things I thought might be good too bring(spare cloths, lube, condom, phone, water, etc...). Then I rode my bike to the park, settled in a bench, and told him where i was. He eventually walked over, it was kinda awkward and nerve filled, but we started to talk a bit. He had short brown hair, a necklace, a brown shirt, green cargo shorts, a decently fit body, and I thought he looked really hot/cute.

We both were doing things for the first time, and he was so nice and repeatedly made sure I knew I could say no to anything, not wanting to break my boundaries. After a bit, we sat closer and kinda slowly cuddled/felt each other up a bit, before moving to a different bench because people came near. He was so kind, calling me cute, shyly expressing his feelings of shyness to me, and affirming positive things, overall complimenting me with great kindness. I shyly, yet honestly, did the same and assured him he was fine and that I was ok. We continued this, though also moving to another spot 3 more time because people kept coming near us. Eventually, we ending up in a different and more secluded park, with no one visibly present. From there we found a spot to put our bikes and sat close to each other, talking kinda nervously and shyly, but talking none the less.

We eventually started to feel each other up in different areas, he even kissing me a bit(not on my lips). I really enjoyed it despite being very nervous and shy. Finally we started ... pleasing each other and such. We were done after a bit, I thought I did ok and I hope thought so too, as we cleaned up. We then headed our separate ways after saying thanks and such.

When I got home, I changed into fresh cloths and sent him a message expressing how much fun I had and how I'd love to meet again someday, offering to give him my phone number if he wanted It. He didn't respond immediately, but I hoped we could be friends with benefits or more. Eventually, he did responds, saying yes to taking my number.

"I am very happy how my first gay experience went and am hopeful for the future. He was so kind, respectful, positive, and overall great." is what I thought to myself when I first wrote this. Now, i look back with a bit of sadness. That moment was so positive for me yet it was just that, a moment. It's been months now, and he never contacted me again, though I wish he had.

i was always told im ugly, i have never experienced true love, haven't even held hands, and nobody has ever loved me, i wish i could find love, im secretly gay, and im terrified of my parents knowing, because i know they won't accept me.

so I'm stuck in this weird thing where I'm like "OMG UR PROBABLY JUST CONFUSED ABT BEING BI UR NOT ACC" and "OMG IM BI I DONT WANT TO BE" and I keep going back and forth so I'm not even sure if this is about weather I am or not its me accepting it. I'm only 15 so if it doesn't matter and its not that important, but I think maybe focusing on this is like a coping stratagey bc obviously like every other teen I'm deppressed. I'm on anti depressants but we have to keep upping the doses so whenever they sorta get lower I just don't do... anything. I don't care about eating or anything. I just scroll on my phone till the day is over and hope tomorrow is better. anyways I've kinda gone of topic but ehhhh ig it doesn't matter. so if I'm gonna explain why I think I'm bi. Im like a super agreeable person, so when I was like in sixth grade and I started to get a crush on a girl in my grade, (and I didn't even know gay people existed) I just ignored it bc I was like "wth this isn't even a real thing boys date girls and girls date boys" but then I learned that u could date whoever u want to and I was like "ok cool" and at the time I didn't like connect the dots in my head. late 6th grade I remember the girl I was sorta crushing on was like going around saying to all the girls "ur pretty ur pretty" I forget why but when she got to me she said "ur super pretty"(I'm not but it was sweet of her lol) and I got butterflies and stuff. like I lit remember it still and I'm in highschool now DX. and so after that I started like exploring more Abt who I was and stuff I was probably too young to be doing that and I might still be but Idc. eventually I settled on me most likely being pan/bi (but I don't think pan anymore plus ppl make fun of u and I don't find the specific label too important I just need to know if I'm tricking myself in liking girls) and so I told my family and friends and OMG IT WAS SO BAD so one of my friends sent me barfing emojis for like three days, the other had no comment(I'm honestly thankful for just that), and the other other didn't even hear it from me she heard it like a week later and just agreed with the one who sent the barfing emojis bc she was low-key maipulative and just said it to get barf girl to feel like good idk. she later came out as bi herself but ofc everyone got over their homophobia by then......... so in middle school me and that girl (M) started like fake dating? like she called in a platonic marriage and we exchanged rings and all that middle school stuff💀. I remember we held hands in the hallway, kissed each other on the head and hand, and called each other pet names and at some point she told me that she acc sorta liked me but we never acc dated. I honestly felt like we were dating in my mind even if I pretended it was just friends. oh also M was bi. so I eventually told my parents that I was bi and um I'm living in a Christian household and I'm a Christian even though I'm bi bc if I'm honest I think the verses talking about homosexuality are mistranslated and don't apply to today. plus, there wasn't even a word for homosexual in that time (I don't think correct me if I'm wrong this is from a few quick Google searches lol) so my parents were like not kicking me out mad or even mad, they just got, uncomfortable. they said stuff like "we would never hate someone for something like that, but we don't exactly agree with it..." and I just hated feeling so awkward with them. we have always been close and after time had passed and my style had changed and I told my friends I wasn't bi anymore ig things got back to normal and now I'm terrified of messing everything up again. whenever my deppression lifts slightly and I start feeling normal again, I start to think Abt dating and I think of kissing a girl and all those videos I watch of christians say "OH NONO NO HOMO" come back and so I kinda shove it down. I'm pretty almost 1000000% sure I'm not a lesbian, but I feel like I'm not straight either. uhg and I keep going back and forth from beleiveing I'm bi to just being like "am I???? what if I'm faking?" but that might just be in my head.... anywaysssss idrk what else to say if u got this far thx for reading and pls let me know ur opinion Abt anything like weather or not u think I'm bi or smthnnn

I hate my life so fucking much.

For the last 4 months I have been feeling so depressed, numb and alone and every night I sittl in my bed thinking to myself what has my life come to and I in the last 3-4 months I have had at least 2 mental breakdown a week ( that isn't me trying to flex in any way ) and cryed multiple times some times to the point I can't breathe or I fall asleep. This has oveousley been since I started college last September and my mental health just went down hill as I wasn't and still am not going the right support at college for my mental health and just over all my other needs That are clearly stated in my EHCP . The only thing I actually asked for and got was a laptop which I have load till June and the only sort of help I get is on a Thursday and Friday form an member of staff . when I should have someone on a Wednesday which again I did. But sadly it only lasted till the October half term as they gave that person to someone else and lefft me with no one and the worst thing about this hole situation is the or staff members of the support system at the college have been lieing to the support person I have on a Thursday and Friday by saying that I have had help in my lesson when that particular starf members wasn't with me and that is all day every Wednesday. I know it's not there fault or mine but surely they know what students need help. I must admit that every Wednesday when I get home from college I end up helping my mum with jobs then I go up to my room and sit on my phone untill it's time for dinner then I do other jobs around the house then got back up to my room and sit on my phone until it's time for me to go to bed. But I don't full asleep straight away or at all as I'm normally up until about 1-2:00in the morning as I end up having more than one panic attack or a meltdown because I'm so overwhelmed or I will cry myself to sleep..

side note the reason I have an EHCP is because I have Adhd.

and as some of you may know 5days before Christmas I got the devastating news that my nan that live in Weymouth sadly passed away and it didn't hit me hard at first but it sertenly has now and I'm feeling so incredibly numb, depressed and lost. and I just can't amagen how I will get through this year and the coming day as we all find out when her funeral is going to be and how I will cope when I'm at her funeral or when I'm back at college.

is it true when someone tells you life gets "better." as for a while now I have been struggling with my mental health and especially now I'm in college and fighting to get the help I need with my learning and with my mental health.

As at this very moment in time I feel so lost and depressed and alone. I've also had issues with sh in the past and these issues have come up again and I sh 2 nights ago . And I've also struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past as well. they were really bad whilst I was still at school as I was getting bullied and I also have really bad anxiety and that was making school harder for me as I would have to take time outside of the classroom to calm down and I also would disappear to the toilets to run my hands and wrists under cold water.

I then started couslorling and that helped as at that point I was no just struggling to stay in class I was also struggling to get into class as I was having really bad panick attacks.

And throughout my counselorling setting I learnt new way to help myself get through the panic attacks.

That was untill one day where I was out of class because I was struggling with my anxiety and was in fact having a panic attack and my form tutor saw me and she said you look stressed and then she also said to me about trying some ways to calm down and I'd all ready tried 2 and they didn't work and then she said to me about her taking me to sit I'm her classroom as she wasn't teaching and at this point I had my head phones on listening to music to try and calm myself down and come out of the panic attack as I know that worked for me and she had my try one other way to come out of the panic attack which did sort of help it wa the s deep breathing trick nixed with listening to music and the 5.4.3.2.1 track that got me out of the panic attack then it was lunch time so I spent it with my helper and tryes to explain to her what happened but I couldn't so I just started to talk about something else.

I know no one can positively tell me how I'm supposed to be feeling or if what I'm feeling correct . Little bit of background about 5 days before Christmas I found out that my nan died and I've been struggling to come to terms with the news but I haven't exactly been overly sad about it but at the same time I have cried a hand full of time and I've had r the pit of guilt in my stomach as on my birthday I should of messaged her to say thank you for my parents but I didn't.

side note I also have ADHD so if you can give me some tip on how to deal with this I would be internally gratefull. and if you can in anyway tell me I'm not in the wrong for feeling the way

I am . 😢

Merry Christmas everyone! ❤️🥰

I don't really know how to start but i remember when u first added me back on tiktok, the excitement was something I've never felt before but i convinced myself to calm down and that you probably like all other teenage boys as i did talk to guys that i didn't have good experiences with early months of the year (February, March and April) it was November 12 when i started talking to you but after a few days i caught myself smiling and staying up to your texts we even had an ongoing streak on tiktok because you were a guy i could genuinely open up to without it being weird and we had a lot of similar song and drama interests, its been so long since a actually liked someone like this and it felt so nice. And a few days later you reposted tiktoks about liking someone as i thought it was about me because you only started reposting those AFTER we started talking but i clearly took it as a wrong sign. Exactly 3 weeks Later December 3rd i sent you a paragraph of how i felt but you told me you liked someone else so clearly i mistook your kindness the wrong way. After you sent me that Paragraph I ended up only hearting your message which ended up being our last conversation with eachother on Instagram. Its been 3 weeks 24th December and I'm still stuck here going back to your account stalking your reposts about her and i even found her account and she's honestly so pretty And you guys comment on eachothers tiktoks which i used to do on your tiktoks and you guys deserve each other 2 attractive people together. I can't even block you because we ended on good terms as friends but we never even texted after that. I just wanted to say i miss you Jayden even if we texted as friends..

i was scrolling through my phone, staring at the last text from my boyfriend – "hey, feeling really sick, won't make it to school today." it has only been two weeks since we made it official, and it's crazy how much i miss him already. i mean, is it normal to feel this way? i can't help but wonder if somehow, on some level, he can feel just how much i genuinely miss him. is there like some secret connection or vibe that gets sent out into the universe when you miss someone? 'cause if there is, i'm sending all the good vibes his way.

it's funny how one can become so attached so quickly; like, wow. some might say that's part of the teenage experience, and maybe it is. i've heard about other girls feeling this way for their boyfriends, and honestly, i kinda thought it was a bit cheesy. never thought i’d be the one writing this. 🤦‍♀️ i'm sure he's not super into cheese (the metaphorical kind), but i bet he'd appreciate knowing just how much i care. can't call him though, 'cause his mom says he's resting. just sitting here, my mind constantly battles between wondering if i should send him a "get well" card or just wait until he's feeling better. decisions, decisions, am i right?

idk if anybody else feels or felt this way, but sometimes when you miss someone, it's like they’re always on your mind. every little thing reminds me of him – even the school cafeteria food reminds me of the time we joked about how bad it is. and don’t get me started about the classes we share. sitting in those classes without him feels neither here nor there. it's almost as if not attending classes together changes everything, makes it less exciting. maybe it's because i'm a naturally nostalgic person, or maybe it’s because our bond is still so fresh. you think it's silly, don't you? or can you relate to this?

in conclusion, missing someone seems like a weird roller coaster of emotions, and who knows if he'll ever feel the vibes i'm sending his way. life can be a bit sketchy, but i guess that's just how it goes. i just hope he gets better soon, 'cause i’m over here trying to play it cool when really, all i want is for him to feel better and return to school to turn my frown upside down. do you think love and longing have some secret telepathic power? or maybe i'm just dreaming up a fairytale cause this is the first time i've felt this way. either way, if there’s some cosmic connection, i'm all ears, waiting to see if he'll ever feel those vibes. 😍

i am 41 years old and i am a woman and i am so damn tired of my own brain!!! ten years ago i cheated on my husband and yeah i know how that sounds and i know what people think and honestly i have thought it all myself a thousand times already!!! it was one stupid messy year of my life when i felt invisible and angry and bored and selfish and i made a choice that still sticks to me like gum on a shoe!!! my husband never found out and before you ask yes that fact alone makes me feel like a fake grown adult with a mortgage and a calm smile and a dirty secret!!! i go to work i cook dinner i pay bills i say thank you and sorry and good morning like a normal person while my head randomly screams remember that thing you did!!! it pops up when i am folding laundry or driving or brushing my teeth and i just want my brain to shut the hell up!!! i have read articles i have heard therapists say forgive yourself and move on and yeah sure sounds cute in theory!!! i even wrote it down once like some motivational crap from a podcast quote “you are not your worst mistake” and i laughed because wow that felt fake!!! i am rude to myself about it all the time and i replay the nights and the lies and the thrill and the shame and i hate that part of me and also hate that i cannot delete it!!! how do you stop thinking about something when your mind treats it like unpaid debt!!! do you ever feel like you already served the sentence but your brain keeps adding years!!!

i am trying though and i want to say that out loud because maybe someone needs to hear it!!! i am trying to stop beating myself with the same stick every damn day!!! i remind myself that ten years is a long time and i am not that woman anymore even if she still lives in my memory!!! i remind myself that guilt is not the same as accountability and that endless punishment is not noble it is just dumb!!! sometimes i literally say out loud shut up already and it helps a bit!!! sometimes i tell myself this is not useful thinking and i move on like a tired manager closing a bad meeting!!! i think about how many good years i have given my marriage since then and how many honest moments exist now!!! i read somewhere maybe in a random book or a stupid tweet that said “thoughts are just thoughts not commands” and yeah that stuck with me!!! i am hopeful in a quiet stubborn way!!! i think healing is boring and slow and annoying and not poetic at all!!! but maybe stopping the thinking is not about erasing it and more about not feeding it!!! so i ask you reading this do you have something old and rotten that your brain drags out for no reason!!! do you also want to move the hell on and live!!! if so maybe we both start today and decide that enough is enough!!! because honestly life is short and i am done letting one bad chapter act like the whole damn book!!!

I love my best friend. He's kind, sweet, amazing, and he listens and understands me so well. But I can't have him... I can't express any love besides platonic love for him cause he knows I have a bf and is friends with him. (my bf is cool if I date or like other people in our relationship.) I'm in love with my best friend, he treats me well, treats me nicely, and gosh, he's so cute. I don't know what to do, I love this boy with all my heart and we've known each other for years now. I want to tell him how I feel just so he can just reject me and I get over it more easily, but I don't want to ruin our friendship. What should I do?