Love Stories

so I've been married to my wife for 3 years this August, together 5 years total. Things have been a little rough my lately no one's fault just life. Anyways my wife is in AA, has one year sobriety is doing very good in it making friends both female but more so males. I'm very proud of how far she's come in it. Anyways last week after we had gotten in an argument as things were starting to calm down and we were both voicing how we've been feeling. She said "you need to work on your jealousy" in witch I replied "I think I have since we met and I dont see how I am not i dont complain or angry when you get msgs from your guy friends or go to hangout with them." She replied with " I just feel like I always have to explain every detail of a conversation I have with a man to you." I replied with " I'm not sure why you do that." than she asked if I trust her I said yes. Witch i do but only to a certain point, this she does NOT know, I feel like she should but not sure how to bring it up without causing a fight. So around May just before we got married we were on our way to her cousins house for the night, we got on this topic about my co workers who likde me I had shutdown right away. my wife wanted to knock her out if it didnt stop. I said how is this any different from your ex co worker that texts you you "hey sexy mama" and you still talk to him and I dont like it which she already knew. She yelled I never did anything with him!" "And I haven't done anything with her!" she had gotten my co workers and one of my exes that I had talk ab0ut something that happened when we were together to about a year before this conversation, she's had gotten them confused. after we figured that out the rest of the drive was very quiet. She took him of Facebook that night. Anyways a few days later I had went through her phone because of how defensive she was saying that they had never done anything together. I went to the very beginning of the conversation, they have had 3 hour phone calls together, flirted and she had sent him pictures. As I scrolled getting up to when we had started dating I noticed for the first 5 months of our relationship she and him were talking almost everyday, and slowly stopped just before we got engaged. this still bothers me to this day, I didnt mention it to her before because we were in a good place and about to get married soon. I haven't mentioned it to her since because I did trust her and had known it had stopped. But the last few months its been bothering me because every time I try to plan a date night with her or do something together she doesn't want to or isn't feeling well. But she always has time for both her female and male AA friends. I dont know how to bring this up to her without it turning into a big argument but I am prepared for it if it does end up that way just dont want it too.

if anyone has any advice or suggestions on how to bring it up or even start the conversation that would help alot. thanks in advance

so my ex dumped me a few days ago and the next day turned around and said it wasn't them it was their friends who dumped me (background: we have dated before they were poly i wasn't comfortable with that so I ended things they said they had stopped seeing the other person so we got back together only for me to find out they were still seeing the other person so I ended it again) so basically the day I got dumped i went to go hang out with them at lunch and they said they weren't free so I walked away thinking nothing of it except they couldn't hang out. I was planning on walking into town in the place I live to get a mother's day present. when I approached the bridge into town one of they're friends approached me and said they didn't want to be with me anymore and all I could say was okay bc I was too hurt to anything else. I then text my ex (partner at the time) and ask if it's true they respond with a pic of said friend with their thumbs up. I block them immediately wanting nothing to do with them ever again. the next day my now ex approaches me and says non of it is true they never wanted to break up and that we should get back together.

what should I do

firstly, thank you for all the comments on my last post! your words really helped :). here's an update. unsure if this is positive or negative? i need help with determining that.

anyway, a lot of you suggested i talk to him about it, so i did. i told him about how i felt sidelined and neglected, and i reinforced my boundaries with him. i also asked him what he thought about breaking up. because a lot of you also told me to think about whether this relationship was worth the mental war. imo, i really want this to work out, but at the same time, if he won't change i won't burden myself and i'll break up with him.

honestly, i expected him to agree. but he actually didn't want to, and even begged me to stay. he asked me what he could do to fix this, and it honestly pmo because i've told him about 4-5 times already about how i feel when he treats his FP more like a lover than he treats me. i wonder if it's my fault for not communicating it clearly, but he also confessed that he was worried he would be bothering me whenever he reached out first (because i'm in uni and stuff, so i get pretty busy from time to time).

i reassured him that i didn't mind him reaching out first, and that it actually made me really happy when he did. and he also apologised for making me feel neglected, and promised to do better. keep in mind that everytime i talked to him about this in the past, he said the same apologies and i'll do betters, but this time he sounded more desperate (maybe because i asked about breaking up?)

now he's giving me a lot of attention. which i like, but it just feels awkward if you get what i mean. it feels like this attention is only because he doesn't want to lose me. also, he told me he stopped talking to his FP, but last night i caught him calling with his FP for the entire night after telling me he couldn't go on a date with me.

i am unsure of how to go on with this situation. my friends say enough is enough and i should let him go, but i feel like sometimes he really does try and that small effort shouldn't be ignored. should i break up, should i try talking to him again or should i wait and see what happens?

So, here's the deal!!! I've been grappling with this feeling of not being attracted to anyone!!! Like, anyone at ALL!!! It's not that I've turned into some emotionless robot or lost the ability to appreciate a good Netflix series with a captivating lead actor; it's just that when it comes to the realm of attraction, I feel like I'm floating in some sort of void!!! Is there a term for this in the emotional intelligence handbook??? Maybe I missed the memo at the last group therapy session!!! The funny thing is, this isn't one of those existential crises where I ponder the meaning of life or explore the depths of some philosophical abyss - nah, it's much simpler than that and perhaps less dramatic!!! Gotta love the simplicity of life sometimes, eh???

Even when faced with the seemingly omnipresent societal pressure to "find someone special," it's like I'm holding the Hogwarts Express ticket to nowhere!!! Maybe I'm surfing through a dry spell in the emotional attraction department, or it's just that my internal radar's been jammed!!! Anyone else in the same canoe??? Because, honestly, I'm ready to trade stories like battle-hardened veterans of the romantic war zone!!! "Houston, we have a problem!", I jokingly say to myself!!! Is there a manual for this stuff, or did IKEA forget to include it with life's assembly instructions??? Yet, strangely, I'm not worried at all!!! It’s like I’ve read somewhere, "Not all those who wander are lost," a Tolkien gem!!! So, perhaps this phase, albeit perplexing, has a purpose, maybe self-discovery rather than chasing heartbeats!!! Ah well, guess I'll continue to navigate this peculiar territory like a semi-curious, half-exasperated detective until the plot thickens, bringing unforeseen revelations and maybe a snippet of insight!!! Until then, cheers to the void - it’s oddly liberating, don’t you think???

Im not too big of a writer so dont mind the grammar stuff.

I have too many thoughts going on rn. idk where to start ig ill start with my love life thoughts

I like this guy, I have had crush on this guy for like 5 yrs. ikr crazy. i don't feel like im meant to be loved. i hate thinking that about myself but i genuinely cant help it. his ex's are so pretty. they are prettier than me. they are skinnier than me. they are more confident than me. i can go on. whenever i see them, i feel jealousy(?), or idk i get mad. not at them but at myself. they didnt do anyhing wrong, they just exist and happen to at some point be his gf. im so stupid. my crush and i actually had a 1hr long convo (or idk maybe it wasnt 1hr long but it felt long). idk how the stars aligned that day. truly a miracle. we laughed alot, talked about diff things. it was fun. but u see im a bit stupid. he talks to every girl like that. and now that i think about it. that convo was just a simple convo between 2 people. he talks to his friends (who r girls). he teases them (in a way friends do). he sits with them. he plays games with them. ( its their friend group that consists fo like 4 guys and 4 girls). those girls are just normal friends to him. im good friends with those girls too (good enough that they invited me to their weddings) but im not a part of their group. i get jealous of them sometimes, seeing how he talks to them, teases them, etc. we never talked ever (except the time i told u about rn) even when we were in working in groups too. i do wish i get to talk to him again. ik we arent meant to be so ill just have fun like this. btw idk how to talk to guys ha ha ha. that could be the root of the problem.

i actually have never dated anyone. ever. ever. ive had alot of crushes but never ever talked to them. never. no one has ever confessed to me ever. no guys has ever been my friend, ever. ive friends around me in a relationship, married, getting proposals left and right. truly happy for them. i celebrated all of it with them. but idk. ig i get fomo. im studying a 5yr long degree. im about to graduate in less than a year. i shoudlve had atleat one confession, mannn. even my mother once asked me "why doesn't anyone like you?" idk man. i really dk. maybe im just not meant to be loved and i think im accepting that slowly.

ik people say all that fun stuff like just wait, have patient. the right perosn will come when you least expect it blah blah. that stuff was comforting in the beginning, but not anymore. kinda became desensitized to it.

Ok we all should be familiar with ai, and a lot of people have mixed feelings about it… so my thing is I won’t to start a YouTube channel and involves some type of voice commentary. You could say what my YouTube channel is creative. So I need a voice to help me to do those vids, usually it’s your voice you use. But I have reason why I can’t, like (apparently from my sis my voice is very recognisable😭) and I don’t want any family to see it, and you know you really have to get the right tone in vids. So I was thinking of using an ai voice for the vids ( trying to find the most ethical way) but with how anti ai the creative community is…. which I understand bc of the police’s abd some other stuff but I’m admitting ai can help (atleast maybe in this situation?) so I don’t really know to be honest

[Translated from French. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

So it all started a year ago when I met my ex-boyfriend online. We started going out after only a few days and became a long-distance couple. At first everything was going well, but at around 6 months into the relationship, he started talking to me about sex, which I wasn’t against, but it was kind of at the limit of what felt reasonable. Then things sped up until we were sending pictures and calling each other on video.

Later on I met some friends, but you should know my ex was very obsessed with me and manipulative and controlling. So I wasn’t allowed to wear what I wanted or have guy friends, and the friends I had met were a big group of guys. In that group there was one boy, pretty ordinary and nerdy, geeky, who didn’t stand out, and I fell in love with him.

So one night I decided to leave my ex by blocking him everywhere without any explanation, and that’s how I ended up single. With my friends we had so much fun, we were a big group, but we also had a smaller group of 4: two girls including me, and two boys including the boy I like. But he was a friend before anything else. We got closer, and I told my friends who the boy I liked was, but at the same time I got closer to that boy and realized it was better to have him as a friend and nothing more, because he was still another toxic guy who was better kept only as a friend.

Especially because he had gotten more popular since we became friends, and he liked another girl. He had even told me about it, but that girl is not good. Like I said, I had told my friends who I liked, and two of them wanted to help me. One of them sent a message to the boy saying the girl he liked was bad and that he knew a girl who liked him and was better.

Then that same evening I call this boy, who is my friend, and we talk normally. Then he tells me that this friend had talked to him, but what I didn’t know is that he had told him to join a call where he would say who the girl who liked him was.

After the call, I send a message to the two boys telling them I’m against the idea of telling him, and they defend themselves and then say they’re going to call him to convince him not to like the girl he likes. A bit later they send me a message saying he made a list of 4 girls he didn’t want to date, and I was in it. So then my two friends tell me they can tell him now because I have nothing left to lose. So they tell him, and his reaction is to say “ohh” in a disappointed way after finding that out, and then he said it would’ve been better if he hadn’t known.

Then the two boys admit to me that they knew from the start it would never work and that it was just entertainment. And then they added me to the group with the boy and called me again, again just for entertainment, and I didn’t join. So there you go, I’m mad at them, but at the same time they’re my friends. And I’d like to have a conversation with the boy because I want us to stay friends, but I haven’t talked to them anymore since then.

Oh and also, a little before that, I unblocked my ex because I felt bad, and also my two former best friends. But my ex wanted to get back together with me while I only wanted sex, and I’m tired of men. I feel like I want to be loved but I don’t want to be in a relationship. I want flirting, but I don’t want the guy to not be only mine. I like it when they’re obsessed, but at the same time it annoys me.

I don’t know how to find what I want and someone who agrees with it.

So yeah, if you read all the way to here, I’m grateful, and if you have any advice I’d be happy to hear it.

I just an account of females in my husband IG. I just thought to myself If I kept single over all the years I wont be this i secure or bothered. My doctor is right when she told me to keep myself single until I haven't resolved my trauma.

I can't f##king sleep as every time I try and sleep I end up having a bad dream ether about my nan or about what it feels like to die or to be dieing myself and the iner exsprances and the external exsprances that happen to you when you are dieing and I wake up from these dreams and end up having a panic attack.

please tell me it gets easier over time because I don't know how much longer I can put up with this for.

when I'm in the dreams it also feels like I'm being strangled by someone and I can't breathe.

I've been mulling over something for quite some time, and I'd love to get some perspective. There's this guy at university, let's call him Alex, who I can't help but feel drawn to. We have several classes together, and over time, I've noticed subtle signs that he might be interested in me too. You know, those fleeting glances across the lecture hall, the lingering smiles, and the undeniable chemistry during group discussions. Yet, despite all these suggestive signals, he hasn't taken the leap to ask me out. And it leaves me in a swirl of confusion and second-guessing.

Maybe I'm reading too much into things, but the way we interact is hard to ignore. For instance, there's this palpable energy when we talk – a kind of intensity that's not usual for just friends or acquaintances. We engage in deep conversations about our courses, dissecting the nuances in the curriculum and sharing our ambitions. It's not uncommon for us to exchange study notes, offering insights and perspectives that strengthen our mutual understanding. He's attentive, remembering small details I mention in passing, which only adds to my contemplation of his intentions. But then I wonder, why hasn't he asked me out if he feels the same?

One possibility that crosses my mind is that maybe he values our academic camaraderie too much to risk it by diving into a romantic relationship. There's always that fear of potentially altering the dynamics if things don't work out, right? It could be that he's prioritizing his studies, perhaps overwhelmed with the workload and conscious of not allowing personal matters to interfere with his progress. University life is demanding, with assignments, exams, and the pressure to maintain grades continually looming. Perhaps he feels that introducing romance would only complicate things.

There’s also the chance that he might be shy or uncertain about my feelings. Could it be that he’s just as insecure as I am? It's easy to misinterpret signals or doubt one's own perceptions, especially when emotions are involved. Social dynamics are complex, often requiring immense courage to navigate, particularly in a setting as public and scrutinizing as a university. I often ask myself if he is hesitant due to previous experiences or even advice he's received from friends, urging caution and patience. It makes me question whether making a move myself might alter his perspective, but societal norms often trap me in the conventional expectation that he should be the one to take the first step.

Of course, there's the possibility that I'm mistaken entirely, that I could be misreading his kindness and genuine nature for something more. This self-doubt seems to simmer beneath the surface, fostering a myriad of restless thoughts. Could it be that he's simply not interested, and I'm clinging to a narrative that isn't there? I've wrestled with this uncertainty for weeks now, hoping for a clear sign or moment that might offer resolution. Yet, the ambiguity remains, leaving me pondering and questioning how to navigate this realm of unspoken emotions. Can anybody relate to this predicament?

Basically, i liked this guy ever since middle school and he recently asked me out! Good right? NO! I have this problem where when someone likes me back i try to find things that are bad about them, like hes not even that cute nor is he unique. And when we do break up, i end up feeling sad bcz i really liked the person but i also feel relieved?? I DONT KNOW WHATS GOING ON HELP ME PLESS

Now we've had my Nan's funeral I've gone from feeling numb and depressed to feeling

every think all at one and crying and not being able to each any of my favorite TV shows.

dose it ever get better

I thought it would never happen. I've heard stories of people falling for straight guys, straight girls, everything. but I was like, "You know, I'm not friends with any straight girls. I should be fine!"

But then, this semester, I sat next to her in biology. We exchanged polite smiles, nothing more. Then we started to talk a bit. Then we started talking about exes, guys we liked and didn't like, that sort of thing. She knows I'm not straight. I don't know her sexuality for sure, but she's kind of one of those girls where you can just TELL she's straight.

I don't know why I like her. She's really pretty, and funny, and nice, and she's the sweetest person. But... she likes guys. I'm nonbinary, for context, although she doesn't know that lol

someone help me please, I need to get over her but idk how...

it has been two months since we broke up. i still think about him every day. i wake up and his name is just there in my head. i wonder if he does the same?? does he pause when he hears a song we liked?? does he look at old pictures and feel that small ache too?? i try to stay calm about it. we ended things for real reasons. we both needed space. that is a fact. but feelings do not follow rules. sometimes i replay our last talk. i ask myself if he misses my laugh or the way i made coffee too strong. is it silly to hope he thinks of me at night?? i am not angry. just curious. just human. i keep telling myself that if i still care, maybe he cares a little too;

i cannot forget him yet. that is just the truth. i go out with friends. i work. i smile. life moves. but there is this quiet space where he used to be. do you ever feel that?? like someone left but their shadow stayed?? i do not stalk him. i do not text. i respect the break. that feels mature. still, when my phone lights up, i look fast. maybe it is him!! it never is, but hope is stubborn. i think time will soften this. i believe people who shared something real do not just erase each other. maybe he wonders about me on random days. maybe he smiles at a memory and keeps walking. that idea makes me feel calm. what if he is healing too?? what if we both are growing, even apart?? i choose to see it that way. it hurts a bit, yes. but it also feels warm. like something good existed. and maybe that is enough for now.

I keep circling the same stupid question at 2 a.m.: am I pansexual, or am I just bored and confused? I’ve dated guys. I’ve hooked up with a girl once. I’ve had a crush on a nonbinary friend and felt zero need to label it. I didn’t care what they had in their pants. I cared that they were funny and smelled good and made me feel seen. That sounds “pan,” right? But then I hear people say, “Don’t rush to label yourself,” and I roll my eyes. Easy for you to say. You’re not the one staring at your phone wondering why your algorithm is half thirst traps of men and half soft masc lesbians. 🙃 I grew up hearing “you’re either straight or gay,” and anything else was “a phase.” So now I’m stuck interrogating myself like I’m on trial. Am I just attention-seeking? Am I trying to be special? Or am I finally admitting what’s been obvious since high school when I said, “I don’t care about gender, I just like people,” and everyone laughed?

Here’s the thing. I don’t feel a preference most of the time. Attraction just happens. A coworker smiles. A barista flirts. A friend touches my arm and suddenly my brain short-circuits. Gender feels secondary. But then I overthink it. Because sometimes I do lean toward men. Sometimes I fantasize about women more. And sometimes I just want whoever treats me like a human being and not a project. Does that inconsistency cancel the label? Or is that literally what being pan means? I’ve read definitions. “Attraction regardless of gender.” Okay. Cool. That fits. But then someone says, “Pansexuality is just bisexuality with a new name,” and suddenly I’m spiraling. I don’t want to disrespect anyone. I don’t want to invade a space that isn’t mine. I also don’t want to lie to myself. I remember sitting on my friend’s couch last year, drunk, saying, “I think I could date anyone if the vibe is right.” They shrugged and said, “That sounds pretty pan to me.” I laughed it off. But it stuck. I think about the girl I kissed at a party. It wasn’t for male attention. There were no guys around. It was just heat and curiosity and real desire. I think about the nonbinary person I almost dated. I didn’t once question their identity. I just wanted them. Isn’t that the point? Or am I just overcomplicating something that could be simple? Tell me honestly, if you’ve felt this too, did you ever get a clear answer? Or did you just wake up one day and say, “Screw it, this is who I am”?

I’m tired of policing my own thoughts. I’m tired of thinking I need a committee to approve my feelings. I’m definately attracted to people beyond just one gender. That’s real. That’s not a trend. I’ve tried ignoring it. I’ve tried saying “I’m straight, mostly.” That felt like lying. I’ve tried saying “maybe bi?” That felt close but not exact. Pan feels right in my mouth. It feels honest. But I’m scared of being wrong. Scared someone will say, “You’re not queer enough.” Scared someone else will say, “You’re just confused.” Both sides can be brutal. And yeah, sometimes I get defensive. Because why does anyone else get to decide what my attraction means? Why is it such a big damn deal? If I like a person, I like them. Period. I don’t check their gender like it’s a box on a form. But I also don’t want to slap on a label just because it sounds progressive. I want it to be true. I guess that’s where I’m at. Not seeking validation, but also kind of seeking it. Not confused about who I’m attracted to, but confused about what to call it. So I’ll ask you straight up: if you don’t prioritize gender in attraction, if you’ve fallen for different genders without it feeling like a category shift, what would you call yourself? And why does it feel like such a huge thing to admit out loud? Maybe the answer is simple and I’m being dramatic. Or maybe this is just part of figuring myself out. Either way, I’m done pretending the question isn’t there. It is. And it’s loud. 😐