Love Stories

i was scrolling through my phone, staring at the last text from my boyfriend – "hey, feeling really sick, won't make it to school today." it has only been two weeks since we made it official, and it's crazy how much i miss him already. i mean, is it normal to feel this way? i can't help but wonder if somehow, on some level, he can feel just how much i genuinely miss him. is there like some secret connection or vibe that gets sent out into the universe when you miss someone? 'cause if there is, i'm sending all the good vibes his way.

it's funny how one can become so attached so quickly; like, wow. some might say that's part of the teenage experience, and maybe it is. i've heard about other girls feeling this way for their boyfriends, and honestly, i kinda thought it was a bit cheesy. never thought i’d be the one writing this. 🤦‍♀️ i'm sure he's not super into cheese (the metaphorical kind), but i bet he'd appreciate knowing just how much i care. can't call him though, 'cause his mom says he's resting. just sitting here, my mind constantly battles between wondering if i should send him a "get well" card or just wait until he's feeling better. decisions, decisions, am i right?

idk if anybody else feels or felt this way, but sometimes when you miss someone, it's like they’re always on your mind. every little thing reminds me of him – even the school cafeteria food reminds me of the time we joked about how bad it is. and don’t get me started about the classes we share. sitting in those classes without him feels neither here nor there. it's almost as if not attending classes together changes everything, makes it less exciting. maybe it's because i'm a naturally nostalgic person, or maybe it’s because our bond is still so fresh. you think it's silly, don't you? or can you relate to this?

in conclusion, missing someone seems like a weird roller coaster of emotions, and who knows if he'll ever feel the vibes i'm sending his way. life can be a bit sketchy, but i guess that's just how it goes. i just hope he gets better soon, 'cause i’m over here trying to play it cool when really, all i want is for him to feel better and return to school to turn my frown upside down. do you think love and longing have some secret telepathic power? or maybe i'm just dreaming up a fairytale cause this is the first time i've felt this way. either way, if there’s some cosmic connection, i'm all ears, waiting to see if he'll ever feel those vibes. 😍

i am 41 years old and i am a woman and i am so damn tired of my own brain!!! ten years ago i cheated on my husband and yeah i know how that sounds and i know what people think and honestly i have thought it all myself a thousand times already!!! it was one stupid messy year of my life when i felt invisible and angry and bored and selfish and i made a choice that still sticks to me like gum on a shoe!!! my husband never found out and before you ask yes that fact alone makes me feel like a fake grown adult with a mortgage and a calm smile and a dirty secret!!! i go to work i cook dinner i pay bills i say thank you and sorry and good morning like a normal person while my head randomly screams remember that thing you did!!! it pops up when i am folding laundry or driving or brushing my teeth and i just want my brain to shut the hell up!!! i have read articles i have heard therapists say forgive yourself and move on and yeah sure sounds cute in theory!!! i even wrote it down once like some motivational crap from a podcast quote “you are not your worst mistake” and i laughed because wow that felt fake!!! i am rude to myself about it all the time and i replay the nights and the lies and the thrill and the shame and i hate that part of me and also hate that i cannot delete it!!! how do you stop thinking about something when your mind treats it like unpaid debt!!! do you ever feel like you already served the sentence but your brain keeps adding years!!!

i am trying though and i want to say that out loud because maybe someone needs to hear it!!! i am trying to stop beating myself with the same stick every damn day!!! i remind myself that ten years is a long time and i am not that woman anymore even if she still lives in my memory!!! i remind myself that guilt is not the same as accountability and that endless punishment is not noble it is just dumb!!! sometimes i literally say out loud shut up already and it helps a bit!!! sometimes i tell myself this is not useful thinking and i move on like a tired manager closing a bad meeting!!! i think about how many good years i have given my marriage since then and how many honest moments exist now!!! i read somewhere maybe in a random book or a stupid tweet that said “thoughts are just thoughts not commands” and yeah that stuck with me!!! i am hopeful in a quiet stubborn way!!! i think healing is boring and slow and annoying and not poetic at all!!! but maybe stopping the thinking is not about erasing it and more about not feeding it!!! so i ask you reading this do you have something old and rotten that your brain drags out for no reason!!! do you also want to move the hell on and live!!! if so maybe we both start today and decide that enough is enough!!! because honestly life is short and i am done letting one bad chapter act like the whole damn book!!!

I love my best friend. He's kind, sweet, amazing, and he listens and understands me so well. But I can't have him... I can't express any love besides platonic love for him cause he knows I have a bf and is friends with him. (my bf is cool if I date or like other people in our relationship.) I'm in love with my best friend, he treats me well, treats me nicely, and gosh, he's so cute. I don't know what to do, I love this boy with all my heart and we've known each other for years now. I want to tell him how I feel just so he can just reject me and I get over it more easily, but I don't want to ruin our friendship. What should I do?

Hi

So I got a few months ago my ex best friend/ex Situationship told me he was going to break up with his girlfriend for me because I made him feel safe and loved. Fast-forward a few months I gave him a time limit of when to break up with his girlfriend because I wanted to spend the holidays with him. He then and said, broke things off with me after having intercourse with me. I threatened to tell his girlfriend and now he’s telling everyone that I’m crazy because I have bipolar. So now every time I go to my neighborhood McDonald’s he clears at me and my now boyfriend. But I wanna know if I was crazy to like him in like that or if I was just being a hopeless romantic at a point.

So my long distance boyfriend and I have been together only for a few months. I’m his first girlfriend and he’s definitely been the best boyfriend I’ve had so far. We have pretty good communication and we’re both very open with each other. I know his friends for one. And one of the first friends I learned about was a girl named Katie. Now I don’t mind if he has friends who are girls, because I’d rather trust him than be suspicious of his every move. My mindset has always been that the truth will come out anyway so if he does cheat, I’ll learn at some point, I don’t need to go chasing after that information.

But that’s besides the point. Him and Katie have been friends for a long time. And I’ve heard some disturbing stuff about her. She’s said some pretty mean shit to hi, that are things he’s insecure and worried about in his life. She said that he was a bum and that he was throwing his life away, just because he took a gap year from college to figure out if that’s actually what he wanted to do. And when she learned about me and how we’re long distance, she was like dude wtf? Which was super off putting to me. She acts like such a hater to him. What makes this worse is that he even said that she reminds him of his dad, who he has had a lot of issues with. So that made me really concerned about this friendship. He even blocked her because she was grilling him for struggling to find a job after he got fired, and he said he couldn’t take feeling like he’s disappointing her. Mind you, she’s not even in college or has a job, but she’s on him for this stuff.

I don’t know if I should talk about it with him. I don’t like her and how she talks to him, it’s not right. He works so hard and he’s been doing better than she claims. She’s filling his head with doubts about his own capabilities, calling him mentally ill and that he needs serious help, when there’s nothing wrong with him. I’m worried about talking about this because she’s his friend but, I wish he’d set some boundaries on how she talks to him. I hated hearing say “what if she’s right and I’m throwing away my life and fucking it up by being myself?” That’s a horrible thing for a friend to say. Accountability doesn’t have to be so mean.! I just don’t know if I should tell him how I feel or not.

I been trying to figure out how to even say this without sounding like I’m tripping over my own feet, which honestly is kinda how I write anyway, so maybe that fits. I’m 27, a guy, and for two years I been with this wonderfull dude who is so completely, wholeheartedly, intensly aligned with everything "pride." Like he waves the flag, he quotes activists like “Love is not a crime,” he goes to events, he paints tiny rainbows on plant pots for fun, and he does all that stuff with this sweet energy that should make me feel lifted but instead sometimes it just makes me shrink. Not because I don’t love him, God, I do, but because I don’t assume my gayness. I feel like I’m the opposite of pride, like a walking “don’t look at me” sign, and I wonder if anyone else ever sits in a room full of cheering people and thinks: “Is it okay that I’m scared?” He’ll smile at me in that soft way, and I keep thinking, I wish I could smile back bigger; The thing is, I wasn’t raised to be open about anything. My family doesn’t hate gay people or whatever, but it was this strange “we don’t talk about emotions” house, and I guess I inhaled all that silence like dust. So when my boyfriend says stuff like, “We should go to Pride this summer,” I can’t help panicing a little. But I wanna be polite, I wanna be a good partner, so I try to say yes even if my voice cracks. One time we were holding hands at a bus stop and this kid smiled at us, and he said it was beautifull, but I thought my heart was gonna jump out my mouth like some cartoon. Still, I’m trying, and maybe that’s something. I keep telling myself hope is a slow-growing thing, like those stubbron plants that only bloom once a year. Do you think it’s possible to love someone with your whole chest but still fear the space your love takes up in the world? Because that’s exactly where I’m standing, like on the edge of something I wanna want more confidentley. My boyfriend says I’ll get there "when I’m ready," and maybe he’s right. I’m not proud, but I’m not hopeless eitherr 🙂

Anyway, the second thing I wanted to talk about, and please don’t judge how messy this is because I warned you I’m a terrible writter, is how sometimes the simplest moments make me feel like maybe I’m changing without noticing. Like we were in the kitchen last week, burning pancackes because neither of us knows how to multitask, and he said, “Hey, you know I don’t love you because you’re proud. I love you because you’re you.” And I swear something in me cracked open but in a good way. It reminded me of that line in a book I read once, “Courage is just fear that has said its prayers,” which felt weirdly fitting even though I’m not religous. I told him about how I still feel like hiding sometimes, and he said he does too, which surprised the hell outta me because he always looks so steddy. I’m trying to hold on to that thought: even the proud ones get scared. Maybe being the opposite of pride doesn’t mean being broken, maybe it just means being in proggress. I try to take small steps: letting him kiss me in public when no one’s around, talking about my feelings even if the sentences come out crookedd, trying to breathe through the panic instead of shoving it down. And I wanna be polite to myself too, which I’m learning is harder than being polite to other people. So here I am, asking you, any of you reading, do you think someone like me can someday stand next to someone like him without feeling like I’m a shadow next to a fire? I’m hopeful. I really am. Even if my hope still feels like a begginer...

I took a few tests and they all say that I'm at risk of an eating disorder but I don't know if they're like accurate or not so if you could give me like accurate test that's very pretty cool because I don't think that I'm at risk because I'm not like really skinny you know so I don't think I am but if you guys have any accurate test that'd be pretty cool

love,

Melody (13 f)

I'm not completely sure if these are forms of self harm but I like bite myself till I bruise and sometimes the bruising is bad but no one can see it because I bit myself close to the shoulder and I were short sleeves that cover it and I also bang my head against the wall but it's not cutting myself or like you know so I don't know if that's so hard it's just not leaving anymore on myself because I had a sibling that did so far and they have these marks and stuff like that but I don't so I don't know if it counts if you have any questions or anything just ask in the comments and if you have any advice just leave it too thank you

love,

Melody (13 f)

I'm so lonely I don't have anyone to talk to that might feel and then when I finally open up to my parents I'm debating on how I should feel or I'm actually feeling or my memory that I know happen I'm going insane I just want a friend or someone to talk to and I had a friend named Asher and he's gone he just we were dating and then he just stopped talking to me and that was the first time and I want to say since third grade when the pressure got too much I felt just like this pure actual happiness like nothing could bring me down and it is felt like there was nothing in the world that could make me sad again and then he just left me because he was going through some things instead of talking to me he just left and I know it's bad to be very upset at him but I am he just left he just stopped talking to me and now I'm all alone again the difference is he has friends I have none I'm all alone I don't know why I'm so lonely I just want friends I want someone to love me and just let me speak about my feelings but I have no one just no one or maybe one day I will again that's it

sincerely Melody (13,f) [don't comment if you're just gonna be mean]

I feel fake sometimes like life isn't real in short episodes sometimes a few times a day the most. but I don't know why I feel like this. one second I'm fine just living the next I'm convinced nothing is real that I'm not real. it's really scary. but I don't think I'm describing it well so imma cut this short.

sincerely,

melody (13, f)

I hate college .

The course I'm doing is boring and we just do the same work over and over again and no one ever speaks up about it.

Every since the October half term I've had no help on a Wednesday. When they can be bothered to give me the help I need it's only for other one lesson or tow.

I also can't last the whole day at college due to my knee and if I do manage to last the whole day. I end up in a little of pain.

I then don't go into college at all the next day because I 'm just in to much pain and I struggle to put any weight on or through my knee.

I have also now got a date for physical therapy.

and just in general I don't know what to do anymore as I don't like and am not enjoying college and the course I'm doing and I'm debating weather or not to change course or just leave the college all together.

When other kids elsewhere probably fantasize about this longer than I do, I think about this for a bit, before I start panicking about every worst case scenario. This is why relationships...in general, are a risk. They're painful, bad, and they're not a thing I NEED to live in this world, they're just a liability. Like, I feel like an adult next to these buffoons in school! They can't see the risks, the pains, the agonies, they can't see all those dirt under the nice leopard-print carpet! And you know what, I can handle being alone with no one! They're a liability and risk anyways. Being tough and ROUGH is the way to go! I'm not soft, and I'm not gonna be vulnerable with anyone! No matter how much I want it, it's a sin on my part! It's like wanting drugs as a teen, it may smell good but it's bad for you! Aren't there any perks to not showing your vulnerability? it helps maintain your composure, you don't make things awkward or dangerous at work, it can make you look really stoic and composed and leader-like, and it makes you focus more on yourself and learn self-work by your SELF. See? You may say hiding vulnerabilities is bad, but ugh, when some movie characters do that, bam! Trusted the wrong person! Look at Elphaba and Madame Morrible with the Wizard of Oz, they were shams who couldn't read the magic book nor make magic, only for Oz! And she for her whole life wanted to be like him, but he's a useless man! Even I tried remembering the Wizard was a farsi, before the movie confirmed it again, because he looked suspicious!

I can be safe even from the "nicest" people. I was only BARELY ALIVE when I trusted mom so much to tell her things like "If I got Rem for Diwali, more fireworks would've sparked in the bedroom!" and she didn't react at all or I actually listened when she said she wanted to be my confidant and she didn't maybe shame me, but who knows? Maybe that's her way of being judgy. Still, just now, I wanted to hang out with a neighbor, but her friend came and they had some school project so I was essentially the weirdo stranger from downstairs. She may say we can play tomorrow, but because of my gut, I don't trust her. I don't trust anyone, so, I'm giving equality to people. I even don't trust mom when she says if I don't trust anyone, I'll be miserable. I wasn't crying when I got home, I just said to myself, "You had a weird gut feeling, and you were right!" I just felt more gray than blue. Plus, in Indian airports, considering how dumb the country can be, whenever I see guard dogs bark and play with the security for a bit, and the security is armed, I think they're fools. My grayness isn't depression, it's realization of truth. I'll just be NATE JACOBS, minus the abuse and power play. Come on, as dumb as people can be, why go out of my way to hurt them? I mean, look what happened. I kept cool, prioritized her, and left! I'm mature because I didn't cry nor feel sad, I just felt like, "Good I considered this." Same thing goes for when some people from school wave in the front. I don't think they're waving at me, I've seen this trope in movies too many times to not be fooled, and I'm right. They wave at their friends. I'm mature than them, right? Right?? I'm predicting the worst so I don't end up in bad situations. Like, she said she was being mean by asking me to leave, when I was being mean! I came to her house when her friend was meant to arrive only 10 minutes after me, and I was really quiet when her friend came. So yeah, me even being here and existing is mean, because I bet I smelled or didn't look good that time! She's 10 and I'm 13, so it's weird!

In fact, I should stop hanging out with her. Or anyone. I should stop making plans for anyone, and if anyone invites me, I won't come. Wanna know my mature reason? One time, a friend of mine wanted to let us visit in some mall, and because of stuff and a party she had before, we never went. Not only that, she's now bigger buddies with another girl. Good for her, foolish of me to even accept it. I don't know why for a while I cried about wanting one friend, if this also a big unnecessary risk. I won't hang out with that neighbor again, because well, this is what'll happen. Same thing goes if I dare, DARE, fall in love and date someone at 16, and then break up and call it worth it, god forbid. I fail to understand how movies, and REAL PEOPLE, say it's worth it. If it was, why else did you guys leave? I'm being like Kat from Euphoria, she's cynical and learnt from movies that to be cynical is empowering. I need to shove and stop this feeling. I'm shameful to assume friends are important. I can live like the great Syd Barrett, who managed. He only died from pancreatic cancer. Relationships hurt me, even friends! I've been abandoned, because it was my fault! It hurts! So I'll reject it. It only causes pain. That kinda love is...scary. Why do they say it was worth it if it all broke up then? It never clicked with me. If I were in that, I would cried, moved on, and chosen the life of a celibate permanently because...this is the result of even trying. As much as I'd hate to say this, but...I'm scared. Like, genuinely, really, really scared. Oscar said the same thing to Alex in the book RWRB, he loves Ellen and even though they divorced they don't regret it. Well, I would a lot. If I knew the instability, even the smallest signs, I'd leave before it'll get worse. See? I'm asexual! I may fantasize about love and snuggling, but it's all a dumb thing! Hah, dad was right. I had a crush for a girl, I never confessed to her because as young as 11 I know how unstable they were at this age in "the real world". Then at 12 I wanted to be a great friend, we had the mall plan, it never happened, and now she's with another close friend. I tried messaging her but she never responded, so naturally, I deleted and she never noticed. Right now in school, I lost my desire to even have a class crush a year ago, so whenever they joke about crushes, I behave like this. It's like when a person sees a puppy, you laugh and go, "Awww!" If I saw the puppy, I'd be scared a bit and go, "Oh, a puppy. It's fine." I'm asexual because I'm mature. I'm asexual because humans are garbage.

But with everything that happened, it won't get better. It won't. It's just that I learnt to be a warrior early, at 11. Now it's time to be a soldier, then general. My dad even said a good point, maybe he's right this time. Him and mom being together because they were in a long situation-ship in college and early careers before marrying and still being together for 16 years, is pure luck because "most of the time it doesn't happen". He's right. Maybe I can never find a love unless I arrange or work "somewhere", if you know what I mean. Mom's wrong to say maybe I can meet people "like me", when I'm older, because mom has a mini-friend who's 8 years younger than her and even though they work in different companies now, they somehow make some small time. But, it's a farce! Mom doesn't even meet her most of the time, college I heard is a crap experience, work I heard from dad everyone are losers or idiots or very competitive, the Internet is weird, and even then, humans are garbage. This is the only time dad's right! I'm more embarrassed I thought I'd have one friend when I was 11. I'll never be ashamed by my SUPER SQUID DEFENSE SYSTEM. I'm not alone, I'm an adult at 13! I'm a warrior squid, an eel who bites before anything bites her! I'm better than my classmates! I'm smarter than them, and I can't be hurt easily if anyone leaves anymore! In fact, I can leave them if I detect an OUNCE of instability. I'm a diamond, unbreakable, and I can work under societal pressure. Trust no one, listen to the rules to be safe from people, and never fight back or else you're a "snitch". My brother said one of the reasons I don't have a friend is because I'm a snitch. Like a squid I can squeeze out of bad stuff, like an eel I can bite back, and like I diamond, I can never ever be scratched or dented!

Because of my low self esteem, I went on a chatting website and made my pfp a picture that showed off my body to get compliments from guys so that I could feel better about myself. I ended up going a bit too far with this one guy and sent him an exposed picture of me. I feel guilt and worse than before.

"Okay so basically there is this guy"

Said like any girl ever, but like this time its for REAL.

Some Context:

Okay so this guy, Logan, is in my biology class, and he is REALLY cute. And like one of the first guys who has like shown me any interest.

Mind you I have never had; my first kiss, a boyfriend, a situationship, I HAVENT EVEN HAD A TALKING STAGE (so its like BAD BAD)

Basically, I think I first saw him the second day of school. I was in my Bio class and we had to get into groups to do a fun team working project. I was partnered up with around 3 of my friends and he was in a group that was sitting next to mine, but his seat was kinda perpendicular to mine. I noticed from the corner of my eye that he kept looking over in my direction, but again, I was sitting with 3 of my friends so I didn't know if he was looking at me or one of my friends. Through out the school year its like this whole cat and mouse game where I'll look over at him (we sit on opposite sides of the classroom) and I'll turn away and then he'll look over at me, i can see him out of the corner of my eye, and then he'll look away.

Slight dilema, one of the 3 friends i mentioned earlier sits RIGHT next to me, so he could still just be looking at HER. :(

I think i debunked this though because one of the days we ended our lecture early i went and sat next the my other friend in the class ( a different friend) and my seat was angles towards where he was (he was standing by another guy's desk) and BRO COULDN'T STOP LOOKING OVER AT ME AHHHHAHAHAHAHAH

Butttt, a few weeks ago we were working on a genetics paper and it was supposed to take us like all class period, but i find the genetic topic really easy so i finished in like 10 minutes. So my teacher asked if i wanted to help her make this basketball poster for the upcoming basketball season, and of couse, i said yes. So i stand up and walk over to where the table was the had all of the supplies for the poster and i start cutting out a basketball. Behind me to my left is a large bookshelf that has a small basketball hoop attached to it, and so far nobody in my class has touched it. But BAM suddenly these 2 guys decide now is the perfect time to start playing basketball, anywaysss logan joins them after a minute, and because the basket is right next to me i move around to the other side of the table. Then my teacher starts to play with them and they have a little competition, and for some reason they were being really loud so i looked up.....DIRECT EYE CONTACT (I nearly dieddddd)

Obviously im a bit delusional and it might be one of those things where i like the version of him in my head more than i like the actual him, but let a girl dream!!!!

Anywaysss, the way my class is set up the seats are basically the basic 2 person black tables but organized in a u with everybody facing the middle, like this:

___ ___

| |

| |

I sit here -> | * * *** |

|__________|

he sits here ---------->

The *'s are random seats my teacher has in the middle, with the 2 on the left being actual desks and the other 3 being bean bags. Last week Logan sat at the * closest to my seat....stealing this other guys spot!!!! But im lowkey really shy and quiet in that class so he talked to my friend who sits next to me most of the time, but its okay guys! No red flags there because she has a boyfriend and was literally asking him all class what she should gift her boyfriend for christmas.

I laughed at a few of his jokes and talked to him a little but not a lot :(

But the things is that for the next 2 days he didn't look at me at ALL, and then he wasn't at school for the last part of the week....

So basically I need help, like desperately! I know this just seems like a silly crush, but I would much rather takes risks in highschool than have no idea what im doing when im trying to find my husband after college, you feel me?

If anyone has any tips to like get him to notice me, or things i could do to interact with him more, that would help a lotttttttttt

Thank you all so much!!! <3 (oh and if ur a visual learner, like me, just imagine, cole walter from my life with the walter boys, but like an actual teenager, and a little bit younger)

I want to disappear sometimes change my name and never come back. I wanna feel happy without thinking about how fake it all feels. I just wanna sleep. and I miss this one person who was very dear to me I wanna talk to them I'm sad we don't talk anymore I just hope they're okay. I wanna be me again 'cause sometimes I feel like I've been trying to change myself for everyone else I forgot how to truly be me. I just want to find how I really am again without people judging me telling me how to act but maybe they do for good reason i am kinda annoying sometimes. and I wish I felt pretty and talented like everyone says I am but I don't anymore. I wish I just had someone to make me feel whole again and make me believe the things people tell me.

Sincerely,

Melody (13,f)