Love Stories - page 2

I don't know what to do anymore

[Translated from Spanish. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

Good night, people....

How horrible is attachment to people, especially if you believe you can ever have a relationship.

8 months ago, I met a man 15 years older than me. From the first day I saw him, I was smitten, I loved his smile and how good he smelled.

The bad thing is that he was the boyfriend of a friend of mine.

I think I manifested everything because I imagined everything happening. I looked for the opportunity when he was fighting with his girlfriend so I could talk to him. Her number was given to me by her, who was his girlfriend, for some loans he made. Honestly, people, I know karma is going to fall on me, even though I've already shut up, but it was

stronger than me. It wasn't that difficult to interact with him (First red flag)

But we started seeing each other. No one can imagine how gentlemanly, attentive, and all around he was with me (love bombing, second red flag). The truth is, since he's so many years older than me, I didn't think he could be the same as everyone else. He was very different from the last person I'd been with. I felt like we were on the same page, but the truth is, we weren't.

Well, to all of this, I'm clear that he didn't want anything serious, but people proved the opposite. We went on a trip and had a great time until one day his ex found out we were seeing each other. She talked trash about me, and he believed her. The girl looked for me to hit me, exposed me on social media, and he asked me to break up because "I didn't really know what I wanted."

I cried for 3 days because that anguish came back from all the times my ex left me crying days and nights (third red flag).

Those three days, he slept with her, she posted stories, and they reached me.

I felt super humiliated and sad because that's when he showed his true colors. I WAS DISAPPOINTED. He asked me to talk and told me he didn't want to stop seeing me, and that was when I was LOVE BOMBED.

He would do things like eating together, going for walks, jealous scenes, sending good-morning messages every day, and commenting on every single thing I posted.

That was until he got tired of me because the attention was getting less and less.

I started to realize there was another girl besides the ex, and that he treated all three of us equally, with trips, concerts, meals, walks, jealousy, details, etc.

At one point, he started not answering me, or he would only do so every 3 or 4 hours, and the fear started to set in again. I don't know what the fear is, but it drove me crazy. They kept ringing the phone to see if he'd talk to me, and if he didn't, tears would automatically fall. I don't understand why, but it's something that develops on its own, and sadness sets in. Until finally, he spoke to me and his soul returned to my body.

The day came when I got married, and I put him to the test. I exaggerated a little, but I was sure I wanted to get out of there no matter what because anxiety was eating away at me.

I blocked him from everywhere because I believed that would work my attachment and at the same time, I would see his reaction.

I couldn't last a week. During that week, I was in bed for two days, vomiting for three, and feeling very ill. My body spoke volumes. I asked him to talk, and his response was that he was going on a trip and that he would call me that night. I waited until 1:00 in the morning by the phone. He never called me back.

I can't explain how bad I felt. He rejected all the attention I had paid him, even though I hadn't done anything wrong. He had gone off with the other girl. He destroyed every hope I had, and he never called me again.

(I don't know how many red flags I'm throwing)

I couldn't stand not being able to talk, not being able to see him. I needed him, until I called him crying, telling him how bad he made me feel.

His response was: "I apologize, but I don't have any feelings for you. That doesn't mean I don't want to see you anymore."

And I accepted their feelings just to be there. I can't express the ups and downs of emotions I'm going through. I can't get out of there, and I'm not having a good time either. I feel like if I walk away, I'll go through that whole painful process again, and I don't want to. Today, they haven't spoken to me all day, and neither have I. But I'm the one who maintains the connection because I'm always the one who makes the first conversation and the one who asks to meet up.

How do I get out of here, God? Sometimes I really pray to meet someone else, but nothing calls to me.

I know that no matter what they say, it's going to be a nightmare. I just want to skip the sad part.

I'm so inlove with this Nigerian guy that I gave him $300 .. next week he wants to propose so he wants $200 😍😍😍 the love of my life.

You might be gay for commenting sht on my posts

It was just probably my imagination or just probably delusional about it lol

The love of my life is not talking to me but I badly wanna talk to him but I don't wanna message him first 😭😭😭😭

He should change his name , give me clues and also give me specific clues so I will know it is him hahahaha

So I’m 31, a guy, and it feels like every family dinner or group hangout with friends ends up with the same question circling around me: “when are you going to finally meet someone?” or “why don’t you just try one of those speed dating events, it could be fun!!” — and I can’t lie, it feels like I’ve been hearing this loop for years now. I’ve been single for so long that it’s almost become like another skin I wear, comfortable but also kind of itchy when other people point it out all the time. The thing is, I’m autistic, and for me walking into a social environment that is structured around rapid-fire conversations with strangers is not just intimidating, it’s kind of like being asked to run a marathon in shoes that don’t fit right. I like plans, I like predictability, I like knowing what’s going to happen and having a rough script to work from; and speed dating is literally the opposite of that, it’s improvisation stacked on improvisation, with time pressure, overstimulation, and lots of background noise. My brain wants to plan every word in advance, but the event format makes that impossible, so I’ve been trying to find a middle ground. That’s why I got obsessed with the idea of having ice breaker questions prepared in advance. It sounds simple, maybe even silly, but to me it feels like a small safety net. If I have a set of go-to conversational openers, I might not feel like I’m drowning right away. I looked up a bunch of articles that say things like “just be yourself, ask about hobbies, ask about travel,” but that’s too vague for me. I need specifics! I want to go into the situation with like a toolkit, the same way you’d bring the right screwdrivers to fix something mechanical. Otherwise, I know I’ll freeze, I’ll say something awkward, and the whole interaction will just fall flat. Has anyone else felt like the basic advice doesn’t cut it??? Like when someone says “just relax and go with the flow,” what does that even mean for someone whose brain literally doesn’t flow the same way?

I tried to draft some questions myself, like “what’s your favorite way to spend a Sunday afternoon?” or “what kind of music have you been into lately?” because I feel like those are neutral, not too invasive, but they also give the other person room to expand. I’m also curious if it’s okay to bring up stuff like “do you enjoy your work?” or “do you like cooking at home or eating out?” — but then I panic because what if that sounds too much like an interview??? What if they just think I’m weird for scripting this in my head??? And yet, not having a plan feels like setting myself up to crash and burn; so I’m stuck in this in-between zone of wanting to prep but not wanting to sound robotic. A friend told me, “you’re overthinking it, just make eye contact and smile,” but eye contact itself is exhausting for me and smiling when I’m overwhelmed feels fake. It’s not that I don’t want to meet someone, it’s that I want to do it without feeling like I’m putting on a whole act that drains me for days after. And that’s the hardest part to explain to people who aren’t autistic — they think it’s just shyness or nerves, when really it’s more like running social interactions through a constant CPU-heavy processing system. I wonder if other people prepare “conversation trees” in their heads, like almost imagining dialogue options in a video game (I literally do this — like “if she says X, then I can reply Y or Z”), and it feels logical to me, but maybe it comes off stiff in real life. I don’t want to be stiff, I want to be genuine, but with my kind of wiring, genuineness sometimes needs scaffolding. Does that make sense?? I’ve read references that therapists sometimes use “social scripts” for practice, which makes me feel less alone in this. I know other people use them in professional settings too, like sales reps have their scripts, or customer service has theirs. So why should it be so odd if I want one for dating? Still, I’m nervous about how that looks in practice. Maybe I should test them out with a friend first, but that also feels weird because friends already know me. Honestly I’m just hoping if I go in with a few good questions in my pocket, maybe I’ll survive the experience without shutting down completely. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll even find someone who appreciates that I prepared, instead of judging me for it 🙂 Do you think questions like “what’s a meal that instantly makes you feel at home?” or “have you ever had a totally random adventure that stuck with you?” would work, or are those too much for a speed dating setting where you only have like five minutes??? I really want to get this right, even though I know perfection isn’t the goal, but preparation at least gives me a fighting chance at not walking out feeling like a complete failure 🤔

I wrote a post here a couple of days ago because I was struggling with my own feelings towards my bestfriend. Quite a few people made some helpful comments and suggestions with im grateful for.

i decided to write some more in this post to clarify some things and hopefully get some more advice. this weird in between “situationship” (i hate that word) has been going on now for just under a year. over the course of this time it’s been a bit on and off, and we’ve butted heads and had conflict as you could probably assume. we’ve had the conversation of “what is this” quite a few times, but that was mainly in the beginning, when things were the most turbulent and confusing. the consensus of those conversations though, were that i wanted more, and that he wanted more too, but due to a past relationship he had he was wary because of distance.

i don’t mind how things are now. i’m not exactly pursuing a relationship currently, id be fine if i ended up in one, but it’s not my main focus.

i guess my problem is, i feel like i don’t know where at all i stand with him. and he makes it extremely difficult to ask, well atleast he has made it difficult in the past. so i wouldn’t even know how to approach it now.

any thoughts and advice are appreciated :)

I just want to be gone. I’m not important and I have no purpose. I’m useless and a replaceable. Hopefully I’ll be gone

Sometimes I feel as though, out of all the difficult partners one could end up with, I somehow ended up with the most challenging one. While I do believe I love him, there are moments when I wonder if we’re truly a good match. I often hear friends in strong relationships say that despite any hardships, loving their partner has always felt natural and easy. For me, it hasn’t felt that way—it often feels complicated, and that leaves me questioning whether we’re truly compatible.

Part of the challenge seems to come from the way he processes things. He tends to take a very long time to think before committing, agreeing, or even engaging with something, which can make even simple issues feel unnecessarily drawn out or difficult. At times, it feels as though he deliberately complicates things—almost like he’s testing me to see how I’ll handle it—which feels exhausting and unfair.

There are also dynamics in how he communicates that I find troubling. For example, he often insists on sharing his opinion, almost as if not doing so would mean his voice has been silenced. Yet, if the roles are reversed—if he has spoken but I haven’t—that imbalance doesn’t seem to bother him. To me, this feels selfish and inconsiderate, though there was once when I asked why does he always need to share his opinion even if he knows it will hurt someone, he frames it as part of his cultural upbringing. Personally, I see it less as a cultural trait and more as a learned behavior, especially from his mother, who carries a similar need to always assert her perspective.

While his mother is undeniably intelligent and accomplished, she also often comes across as dismissive or overly certain of her own views. Unfortunately, I see that same habit reflected in him, and it can make our conversations feel one-sided and draining. At times, I wish he could simply listen and observe without feeling the constant need to interject or assert himself.

This feels so incredibly strange to actually write out. But one of my closest friends, who I’ve known for over 5 years now, I think, well I know really, that I’ve fell for. We’ve had an ongoing little thing, since about november of last year, in which he was in a previous relationship for a bit. That in itself is another story.

my issue is, that i didn’t think it was doing much bad for me, in terms of i didn’t feel like it was eating me up inside. but i woke up with such a pit in my stomach, and i felt like my heart had been ripped into two yesterday when I didn’t feel as close to him as usual.

i’m not sure what advice im hoping to receive, coming clean and getting all o my feelings of my chest to him would probably be smartest. but he’s complicated, and im scared to do that too.

So, here's a thing I've been trying to wrap my head around recently—I like men. 😅 I'm 23, chill guy, and for the longest time, I thought I was supposed to be interested in women. You know, the usual societal expectations and all. I've had girlfriends before, crushes I thought were intense, and those typical high school flings. Still, over the past few months, something shifted within me. It's like unveiling a new layer of my identity; something that's been shadowed for a while. I guess I've been living under a heteronormative assumption all these years, thinking that's where my affinities lied. But, now... it's like, WOW!

The revelation came rather subtly, through a series of enlightening experiences that could rival a coming-of-age movie. Like, who would have thought that a simple conversation with this guy I met at a coffee shop could spark such introspection? We clicked instantly, sharing thoughts on everything from existentialism to astrophysics. Once, he quoted Oscar Wilde, saying, "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance," and it hit me hard! 🧐 It wasn't just admiration for his intellect, but there was something more profound, an attraction that felt... right? I started recognizing these feelings weren't anomalous but rather indicative of a broader truth;

Anyway, I've been exploring LGBTQ+ resources and forums to understand this better. You know how it is... investigation mode activated! I've learned about Kinsey's scale of sexual orientation and how sexuality is fluid, not fixed—fascinating stuff, really! It's like reading through 'The Hidden History of Homosexuality' and realizing that this isn't new or weird but part of a continuum of human experience. 🤔 That was quite comforting to discover, knowing that others have traversed this path before me and come out (pardon the pun) just fine. Yet, it’s foreign ground for me and kind of daunting. Do I need to label myself now, or can I just, I don't know, be??? Love is a spectrum, right???

so I'm abroromantic and abrosexual. That basically means my romantic preferences and sexuality change over time. Over the entirety of summer, I was lesbian. But now that school has started again, I'm in that weird place where I know it's changed but I don't know what it's changed to. The way I feel whenever I'm in this place is confused, annoyed, and kind of blank when it hasn't yet settled iykwim. It's hard to explain.

I'm just wondering why I can't just be simple like my friends. all my friends know exactly who they are and know that it'll never change. BUt it's like, the parts of me that I WANT to change stay the same, and the parts that I WANT to stay the same change. Why can't I be simple and uncomplicated like my friends?

Hello loml. I still think about you up to this day and it doesn't get any better lol. I hope you doing okay.