Love Stories - page 18

so i've talked about a person twice before, first vent she was Imogen second vent she was known as just A. And I like her. Like REALLY like her and idek why.

But now...

I have another friend, I've also vented about her before, in which she was known as Katy. Yesterday we were chilling during dismissal as school, she had stolen one of my earbuds and I think I had Everywhere Everything by Noah Kahan playing... either that or Kirari by Fujii Kaze. and she had stolen my hand, like she always does (it's just a normal thing, she likes to hold my hand) and she kissed me on the hand which she always does it's normal I'm used to that...

then she kissed me on the cheek.

That is not something she always does.

I think I might like her now.

but she's taken.

so now I like two people who are BOTH TAKEN.

why is it that I always like people who are taken....

I never thought I would be the kind of person to even ask myself a question like this. When I got engaged to my fiancé three years ago, I was certain. Certain that he was the right choice, that we would build a life together, that the past was just that—the past. But lately, I find myself thinking about my ex more than I want to admit. It’s not that I don’t love my fiancé. I do. He’s kind, he’s supportive, he makes me laugh even when I’m stressed out of my mind. But no matter how hard I try, there’s still this small, stubborn part of my heart that belongs to someone else. And I don't know what that says about me.

Sometimes it hits me out of nowhere. Like when a song we used to listen to together comes on the radio. Or when I pass a certain coffee shop where we spent hours just talking about everything and nothing. And then all the memories come flooding back—the good ones, the ones that make my chest ache in that bittersweet way. I start wondering if he ever thinks about me too, if he ever misses those stupid inside jokes we had or the way we used to plan our future like it was some big adventure. It's confusing, because I don’t want to go back to that relationship. It ended for good reasons. We fought too much, we wanted different things, and in the end we hurt each other more than we helped. Still, part of me misses what we were before it all fell apart.

I’ve tried to tell myself that it’s normal. That maybe everyone who’s been in love before feels this way sometimes. That just because you move on doesn’t mean you erase the love you had. But deep down, it makes me feel guilty. Like I’m betraying my fiancé without even doing anything. He deserves all of me, not a part of me that’s stuck looking backward. And the worst part is, he’s done absolutely nothing wrong. He’s patient with me, he’s honest, he loves me in a way that feels safe and steady. Maybe that’s part of the problem. My relationship with my ex was never steady—it was chaotic and passionate and sometimes toxic. But it made me feel alive in a way that calm love doesn’t always manage. And I hate that part of me still craves that mess sometimes.

There are nights when I lie awake next to my fiancé and wonder if I’m making a mistake. If maybe the reason I cant let go of my ex is because some part of me believes he was “the one” and I just let him go because it got too hard. But then I remember all the pain, all the crying, all the days I felt like I was losing myself just trying to keep him. Loving him wasn’t healthy, even if it was intense. And isn't love supposed to be more than just fire? Isn’t it supposed to be peace too? I know that rationally, but my heart... my heart still hasn’t fully caught up sometimes.

Sometimes I wonder if it's just nostalgia lying to me. Making me remember only the good parts and forget all the nights I cried myself to sleep wondering why I wasn’t enough for him. Nostalgia is a liar like that, painting the past prettier than it really was. I try to remind myself of the facts, the way he would leave me hanging for days, the way he made promises he never kept. But emotions aren't logical, and memories are trickyy. No matter how many times I tell myself I’m better off now, there’s still that ache when I think of what could’ve been, what we almost had.

I haven’t talked to my ex in a long time. Part of me wants to reach out just to see if he’s okay, but I know that’s a bad idea. I know that opening that door would only bring more confusion and hurt. So I keep my distance, for my sake and for my fiancé's. He doesn’t deserve half my heart. He deserves all of it. And maybe loving someone doesn’t always mean you’re supposed to be with them. Maybe sometimes love stays even when the person doesn’t. I guess that’s the lesson I’m still learning.

So yeah, maybe it is normal to still love your ex a little. Maybe it’s just part of being human. Love doesn’t have an off switch. But the important thing is what you do with those feelings. I choose to honor my past without letting it control my future. I choose to stay, to grow, to love the man who’s standing in front of me, not the memory of the one who left. And maybe one day, that stubborn ache will fade into something softer, something that doesn't hurt so much. Until then, I’ll keep moving forward, even when my heart sometimes wants to look back.

me and him have been best friends for literally forever: we met when we were like 5 or 6 and we been inseparable since. everyone always joked that we were like brother and sister or whatever and i used to laugh so hard at that. but now? now it feels different. and i hate that it does cause i don’t wanna ruin what we have. i don't even kno when i started catchin feelings for real. maybe it was the way he always remembered the smallest stuff about me or how he’s the only one who actually listens when i talk about my dumb drama. or maybe it was just one of those things that slowly grows when you’re not even paying attention. but now it’s all i can think about, and it’s freaking me out so bad.

like sometimes i catch myself just starin at him when he’s laughing or when he’s talkin about something he loves and my heart just melts. and i’m like, "oh no, this is not good." and it’s not just like a little crush either. it’s real. deep. i care about him so much it actually hurts. and i start thinking stuff like, what if he never feels the same? what if he finds out and it makes everything weird between us? what if he just stops wanting to be around me cause he’s uncomfortable? i can’t even imagine my life without him, like he’s been there for every important thing that’s happened to me since i can remember. and now i’m just here, ruining everything in my own head because i caught stupid feelings.

we hang out all the time still, but it feels different for me now. like when he bumps into me or hugs me goodbye, i get all nervous inside, like butterflies exploding in my stomach. and i have to act normal, like "haha yeah bro" when really i wanna scream "I LOVE YOU!!!" 😭 and it’s the worst. sometimes i wonder if he feels anything too, like little signs maybe? but then i tell myself i’m probly just imagining stuff. like last weekend we were watchin a movie and he rested his head on my shoulder for like two seconds and i swear my brain broke. but he didn’t act weird about it so maybe it was just nothin to him. meanwhile i’m sittin there havin a whole emotional breakdown.

i’ve thought about tellin him. so many times. like just blurting it out and seein what happens. but i’m so scared. what if he doesn’t feel the same and everything changes? what if he stops being my person? i’m not just scared of rejection, i’m scared of losing him completely. he's the one i go to when my life sucks, when i’m happy, when i’m confused, when i just wanna chill. if i lose that, idk what i’ll do. and maybe it’s selfish but part of me would rather keep him as a friend than risk not having him at all. it’s like being stuck between two horrible choices and no matter what, it’s gonna hurt.

some days i tell myself maybe it’s better if he never knows. that i’ll just get over it eventually. maybe if i meet someone else or go to college and move away or somethin, the feelings will fade. but deep down i know it wont be that easy. he’s not just some random guy, he’s him. my best friend. the one who knows all my favorite songs, who remembers my birthday better than i do, who always texts me good luck before every big test. how do you just stop loving someone like that? i dont think you can. and honestly, i don’t even want to.

i wish i was braver. i wish i could just tell him everything and have it all work out like in movies. but this isn’t a movie. it’s real life. and real life is messy and scary. so for now, i’ll just keep being his best friend, keep loving him quietly, and hope that someday maybe... just maybe... he’ll look at me and feel it too. and if not... well, at least i’ll still have him in some way. and that’s better than not having him at all. right?

so today the girl I like (A) got a little fake rose from her girlfriend (B), as far as I know neither of them know I like A.

usually I can deal with being around B.

But when I saw B give A that rose...

it felt like someone shot me.

Why does love hurt so freaking much.

Atp I'd rather have a heart of freaking stone than be in love.

Ive been thinking a lot of this lately. ever since matric, and uni, I've been so loaded with my procrastination, slow working pace, and poor time management; I felt I was constantly behind and even it's an endless cycle. because of that stress, I was always in my room, glued to one spot fighting myself and fighting with time, motivation and discipline to study (I still am); and I hardly went out of my room, I hardly spent any time with my family, hardly spoke, you know how it goes.

now its long days at uni and endless work and assignments, and nothing has changed since matric. I don't get how I procrastinate so much. I've tried everything - changed study spaces, tried different methods, deleted all social media applications, used timers, read motivational phrases, etc etc. I just can't seem to study and maintain the concentration, the ethic, the discipline. and because of this, I feel like every other time I spend out of my room, my study space, is time wasted and Im running short and I can't stay out here and waste time. I literally don't have any responsibilities around the house, and I feel guilty but also grateful to my parents for being so ..you know. everytime I do go visit my grandmother, who stays right next to our house, she tells me oh I don't even see you anymore. you always so busy. but i die with guilt that they think I'm sitting and hustling and grinding away, when I'm actually studying for 10 mins and the other 4 hours eg, are distractions.

another thing, my siblings hardly see me. I don't see myself playing any role as a sibling, and I'm afraid that they'll lose that already weak connection with me. I come home so tired and stressed that I don't connect, speak, laugh with him. I hate to admit but I don't want them to go out and spend long enough time with another person my age and compare me to that person, saying they wish they had a sibling like that person. I know I'm not enough, I'm not doing enough for them to be close to me to miss my presence. if I'm not there, they've already gotten so used to it, like it doesn't affect me. like they didn't even think about me, forget missing me. and I know my siblings so its about "maybe that's what I think but they could be missing and not saying". I know them. I don't want that me not being there is not even acknowledged. I want tthem to feel my absence, the slight emptiness. and the worst part is I wasn't like this- distant, disconnected with them, obviously.

I'm genuinely really struggling. please help me.

Maybe it is because I have always felt left out in crowds and never found someone who reciprocates the same feelings as me; or I might just have no potential in finding a partner without spiraling. I have been with a guy for 7 months now, he seems very sweet. Although, I have a bad past in my relationships: I have been cheated on, with a narcissist, and assaulted, all these with three different guys. These are probably the reasons I can’t trust my partner.

I am constantly worried about him being attracted to other girls, hating me, feeling annoyed of me, thinking he is going to do something bad to me or my body, and now he stops talking to me exactly at 17:30 and I think he’s growing tired of me. Most of the time I end up getting rid of these suspicions but I cannot shake them off ever. He does what a boyfriend is supposed to do but I just can’t believe he actually loves me.

I’m not blaming him for anything because I know deep down he’s not doing anything but no matter what I get these constant suspicions he likes my friend (which happened with the guy who cheated), he’s irritated with me, or that he is going to do what one of those guys did to me.

I need guidance man :( I don’t know what to do anymore

I never thought we would end up here. After twenty years of marriage, I find myself lying awake at night, staring at the ceiling, wonderin where it all went wrong. I look over at you sometimes and you’re right there, but it feels like you’re a million miles away. You don’t smile at me like you used to, you don’t laugh at my silly jokes, you don’t touch me just because anymore. And maybe it sounds childish, but I miss that so much. I miss feeling like you saw me, like you actually wanted me around. Now everything feels so cold and routine. We go through the motions—work, dinner, kids, bills, sleep—but the love part? It feels like it’s gone. Sometimes I wonder if you even notice how quiet it’s gotten between us. If you see how hard I’m trying to still reach you through all this distance. Or maybe you do notice and you just don't care anymore. Maybe you just... don’t love me anymore.

I keep telling myself maybe it’s just stress. Maybe it’s just life being hard and busy, the way it gets after so many years. But deep down I feel it. The way you barely look at me when you walk in the door. The way you say “love you” like it’s just another chore to check off. I feel invisible in a house we built together. I try to talk to you, to open up about how lonely I feel, but it’s like you shut down before I even get the words out. You say everything’s fine, that I’m “overthinking” again. But it’s not fine. Not to me. I crave something more than just existing side by side. I want to feel chosen again. Wanted. Loved. I miss the little things—the random hugs, the spontaneous kisses, the way you used to light up just seeing me. I don’t need grand gestures. I just need to feel like I still matter to you, like I’m still the person you dreamed about growing old with. Right now, it feels like I’m just... there. And the hardest part? I still love you so much, and maybe that’s why it hurts like hell to wonder if you don't anymore.

I will only believe a girl likes me if she cries for me. i promise i am not sadistic or anything, i just have BAD trust issues and will only believe someone's love and yearning if they display it loudly and clearly. I don't want to give someone love without the assurance that they love me too. i want to love, but i could never allow myself to love someone if they don't show their love to me first. I don't want to be used, i don't want to be vulnerable. i want to be detached, so when abandonment eventually comes, i won't be as impacted.

i know this might be bad, but the more i watch other sapphics/lesbians like me talk about their painful breakups, the thicker my barrier grows. I don't wanna be hurt, i don't wanna be weak. vulnerability is my biggest fear. but for the sake of not hurting myself, i might end up hurting someone... it always comes to my mind, what if someone truly loves me, but my barrier became way too thick for me to take it?

i have a friend, my only highschool friend, and she said i am her best friend. guess what? it's still hard to believe her. we talk often and frequent the same places, and she's always willing to talk to me unless she's super drained, but i still haven't found the strength to open up fully, because she might disappear anytime. i can't believe I'm more than just "someone she knows". i want to protect myself, but i feel like doing it this way is making me worse. I don't know what to do.

for a while, I've been feeling very lonely. i am very introverted, don't mind being on my own, and interacting with new people is very tiresome. but still, for some reason, I've been craving some kind of intimacy, some connection with someone, specifically with a woman. i want a girlfriend.

when i realized it, I was very cringed at myself. i always saw myself as self sufficient, no need for romance or sex... but suddenly i feel like this, wanting the embrace of a pretty woman, hearing kind words and affirmations, being truly loved, appreciated, being someone's important person...

so, i created this imaginary girlfriend inside my head, for me to fantasize about whenever loneliness hit me. I've always lived inside my own head 24/7, it's a trait of mine to just stop and think about things, wander in imagination, so it wasn't hard for me to sink into this fantasy.

my imaginary girlfriend is older and more mature than me, not in a "superiority" way, but in a way that helps me grow as a person and navigate this difficult world. she's kind, extroverted, funny, very gentle and almost motherly. flirty and spicy, but understanding of my boundaries as an extremely shy and embarrassed person. she's bigger than me, both in terms of height and body mass, and likes to put her weight on me for fun. she likes to bring me to different places, and is dedicated to letting me experience things and have fun outside of my comfort zone, but never pushing me uncomfortably far. overall, she's the half I'm missing(?)

but, after a while with this fantasy, i started to get attached to this image of her, and started to wonder: how will i leave this fantasy when i meet a potential real life girlfriend? how will i let go of my expectations, everything that i "built" with this imaginary woman? i know, i am probably embarrassingly delusional LMAO but i really want to be able to leave it behind eventually, because I don't want the girl in my future to feel like she isn't good enough for me. mainly, the thing i want to figure out is HOW to draw the line between what is just "my type" X what is an "hyper expectation" from someone.

does anyone else feel or ever felt this way? if so, how was it when you found a real person for yourself? i really want to hear...

ok so if your that one guy who knows me irl YOU BETTER NOT FREAKING TELL ANYONE IF YOU SEE THIS I WILL SLAP YOU well not really but if tell anyone I swear-

so I like someone (we'll call her Imogen)

my feelings for her have been on/off since like sixth grade but at the beginning of this year, our 8th grade year, they came back and stayed.

for a while I ignored them, because in 7th she got a girlfriend (Jaron) (YES I AM USING NAMES FROM A BOOK SERIES-)

but then my feelings got a bit stronger but I continued to ignore them

but then she and Jaron started dating Amarinda (it's polyamorous) and it stung when I found out and I couldn't explain why.

but now it's gotten so much worse because Imogen and Amarinda look so happy together and it makes my heart ache for two reasons, because I like Imogen and because I'm lonely.

but i know imogen will never feel the same about me and it's tearing me up inside even though I know it's true.

and all this hurts for another reason: because I have a strong suspicion that my best friend, Trea, has a crush on me, and today basically confirmed it even though she hasn't said it.

Honestly though, Imogen probably has already guessed that I like her since I've liked her on/off since I met her, but if she doesn't know then idk what to do.

There's literally nobody I can talk to about this, not Trea definitely, not our other friend Mott, and not my friend (who's on this site) Roden. I can't tell Trea because, well, if she likes me I don't want to hurt her. I can't tell Mott because I can't trust that he won't tell Amarinda or Jaron (idrc if Imogen knows, she has a right to know how I feel). and I can't tell Roden because I just feel like he wouldn't understand.

I really just don't know what to do. Do I tell Imogen how I feel, and just deal with the inevitable disappointment that comes with unrequited love, or do I suffer in silence and just assume she's already guessed it? or could I trust Mott or Roden to let her know how I feel?

And Roden, you're on this site, so if you read this, don't tell ANYONE unless I tell you you can, ok? please.

just wanted to put it out there, we don't realise just how valuable and golden our parents are. as much as they can get annoying at times and god forbid, you wish they weren't there, it's about time we all open our eyes to the fact that they are humans deserving the most love there could ever be in this world.

my parents have gone beyond their abilities to make sure I have what I want, need, and what they wish for me to have. it's so annoying when they sacrifice their desires, their wants and use those means to fulfill what I want or need. the little things that they do, the things that passed my attention like a breeze, I'm starting to notice them more. I'm starting to appreciate them more, cherish all those little things.

I have grown up and somehow got myself to kinda not declare these kinds of deep emotions. I could be crying in my room for how sweet they are, and yet I won't be able to give them a glimpse of my gratitude. and no, this part of me will not change. I have not expressed," I love you" verbally, and that's why I use letters and pourrrr out every emotion, every sorry and thank you, every I love you on things like their birthday cards etc.

my point is. everyday I see them head out to work and stick themselves into the same depressing routine without any complaints, and I think to myself, oh god, please bless my parents. how do they do this every day, hustling their way with optimism as they show me. I want to do something for them too. I feel guilty that I haven't shown them how much I care for them, love them thriught actions or words. I don't help around much in the house ( they also don't allow me to) , I hardly hug them, or tell them I love them and I appreciate them. and honestly that's a family thing-not expressing these stuffs. so can you give me other solutions that don't involve these cliche "oh just start hugging them cuz you'll regret". firstly, I am aware and that's why I want to change smth, but I can't find the words to express what exactly I want.

anyways, treasure your parents and help out here please!

how do I stop my mind from constantly replaying the same incident, situation, experience or thoughts over and over again. it's like never ending. whether its a good thing or bad thing, it doesn't seem to leave my mind, especially not on the same day of occurrence. and it's getting annoying cuz if there was something I found embarrassing, I would think about it, feel all embarrassed and crappy, somehow manage to forget or chuck it to the back of my head, and then boom it hits me back again with goosebumps and depending on the situation, a rapid heartbeat.

when will my mind be settled and at ease/peace?

I mean it's not only negative thoughts as I've said before, it could be something funny or something that I'm proud of too, like ohh I finally spoke up to so and so. it's just that how can I possibly think about the same thing (with all the details and visuals) like 50 times in one day.

I also don't get over things very fast. If I'm annoyed with someone, shocked about something I found out, it's never a one time thing to think about, experience and forget it to never revisit it, or at least to revisit it briefly after some time.

there's more I want to say but I can't remember lol

help!

I’m starting to feel pretty uncomfortable with how close my girlfriend is getting with this guy I just get the weirdest feeling about and it’s making me feel so damn jealous.

(Names are fake for privacy even though I don't think either one of them is on here) So for context I grew up with this friend named Blake and he got with his now ex named Miranda at the time about a year and a half after we became friends. They were young and had a kid young but it didn't last because of how both of them were with each other, typical story of him not doing enough for both the relationship and as a father (He is a great father now) and her treating him bad because of it to where she got fed up with him and tired of being that person with him and left him. They both moved on almost 15 years ago and can't stand each other but get along for their kid, We all grew up together as a result so I know Miranda pretty well.

It started as a crush after they broke up, I was having a hard time and she was there for me when I needed it but she didn't know I was struggling that badly because I didn't talk about it so it was just genuine concern and help for me and I don't have a lot of that in my life, so it moved me. I'm not the kind of guy who acts on his emotions or goes after friends girls so I avoided her because of it afterwards. She found a few people over the years and I found someone also. I was with my ex-wife for over 10 years and after we broke up I ran across Miranda on a dating website. We both matched with each other but I just assumed it was to be funny since friends do that on dating websites to mess with each other and give each other shit and I never seriously thought she was interested. After we matched though I noticed I got excited and didn't know what to expect which confused me because I didn't know why I was excited and why I would expect anything when we're supposed to be friends and it had been years since that crush had happened and nothing came from it anyway but I realized I still had a crush.

We talked and I didn't make a move or a pass and just warned her what to expect being on these sites from what I've read from other woman on there. Dick pics, asshole guys, matching but not talking etc. it was a casual conversation but I couldn't help but wonder if she felt similar and that's why she matched too but just chalked it up to my brain just wanting that to be true so it would validate my feelings and said nothing. She didn't stay on there much longer and told me later the next day on the app that she was going to get off of the app because it was lame and what I was saying was true.

I kept my feelings to myself but it seems like they keep growing, I keep thinking about her even when I try not too or keep busy to not think anything at all but nothing seems to work and she is on my mind even though we haven't talked for in a long time. Miranda is currently with someone right now and has been for awhile but from what I've heard she's been drinking and depressed and isn't happy with him. Idk if they will last much longer but I'm stuck because I can't really tell her how I feel even if they break up or not.

I don't really think she feels the same and might find it weird especially if she only sees me as a friend, it could ruin things with her and also she's Blake's ex and I have no idea how he would feel about it and don't want to ruin a friendship of almost 20 years over this. I know him and while he would probably be cool to me or cool to me to my face, I know he wouldn't consider me like a brother anymore or close friend anymore either. If for some reason or way I did tell her and the feeling is reciprocated and I do end up ruining a friendship, what if her and I don't end up lasting.?? Then I ruined my friendship for nothing and end up alone with almost no one in both ways.

So this is my blessing and my curse, Im blessed because I see who she is and she's amazing and I'm glad I got to experience it but my curse is I don't think I can ever actually speak on how I feel to her without potentially fucking everything up either with her or Blake or both. I haven't told anyone except 1 person awhile ago but we don't talk anymore, so almost no one knows my real feelings for her. Instead I sit in silence while she gets with yet another guy who treats her like shit that she swears she loves. If I tell her to leave him then I look like I have alternate motives considering my feelings, especially if I did tell her eventually and it's not my relationship to meddle with to begin with when they could end up working it all out.

It's been driving me nuts and I had to say something to someone and get it off my chest, so I figured a place like this would be the best place to at least say something finally, even if it's not who I want to tell.

I think I have an website idea, (or SAAS) and I think it has potential, but I’m not too good of making websites, so my question is that is there a way I can find someone who is willing to do like I partnership, like idk how to explain it. Like they will NOT be getting paid first cause it’s not ur typical employment, like we both could like own the website they design and build it . I give ideas. They could even give ideas. Since we both own it. Like abd then when it actually starts making money we both have the income . So at first we both will be working on the website and we will just see how it grows. I am tryna find this person online