Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 51

i'm sitting here at my desk, staring at the blank document on my screen, wondering, am i really losing my edge? am i depressed or just lazy? it's baffling to me how, year after year, i've noticed this creeping loss of motivation at work, and the worst part? i can't pinpoint why!! for a 31-year-old guy working in IT, motivation is supposed to be my fuel, but for some reason, it feels like i've been running on fumes. i used to innovate, execute tasks with precision, and thrive in problem-solving scenarios. but now... it's like my engine's stalled and i can't find the damn key! why is that???

is it just age? i can't deny, as a male growing older, perhaps there are societal expectations that weigh heavily on my shoulders, but still, that shouldn't kill my drive... should it? my workflow has become such a mess. i manage to perform the minimal viable operations — barely making deadlines, ticking off tasks like a robot on autopilot. it's such a grind, and i find myself asking, what's the point? where'd my thirst for success in this industry go? is this some kind of existential problem?? i'm getting tired of hearing myself think all these "whys" without answers! getting ported from one project to another doesn't help either — continuity's dead in my professional life. but, truth be told, it's not external forces dampening my spirit; it's something internal.

could it be that i've hit a saturation point? is this how burnout feels? maybe i just need a break. stepping back might offer fresh perspectives, but i feel guilty! guilty for not being 100%... this loop's annoying — when i slack, i feel awful, but when i hustle, motivation peaces out. hell, it's a frigging paradox!!! is this common? do other people feel this tug-of-war? i think back to when i started in this field, enthusiasm sky-high. pipelines, coding, debugging — all were thrilling challenges. but now, they feel mundane. i'm not trying to be dramatic or entitled, i'm genuinely perplexed, questioning my state of mind. or perhaps industry's changes have left me jaded without realizing???

the worst part is, i'm caught in this limbo of indecisiveness. will making a drastic change fix things, or is it something i need to address internally first? therapy's crossed my mind, but am i ready to say i'm depressed? what if i'm really just a lazy bum??? but then, when i'm not working, this sense of guilt eats me alive. it's not like i hate my job — i still find aspects engaging, but the drive's disappeared. isn't that crazy?? people say, follow your passion, but what do you do when one's passion dwindles?? it's not encourage that i lack — colleagues and bosses have been supportive! it's like having all the resources with zero desire to utilize them.

this is the part where i'm supposed to figure it all out and give a massive, life-changing revelation. sorry to disappoint, but truth is, i'm still clueless!! am i depressed, lazy, or in need of a career pivot? can't tell. i'll keep pondering, trudging through, hoping answers will come eventually. for now, venting's all i got. meanwhile, i'll keep asking, do others deal with this crap too?? or am i an anomaly? would be interesting to know... let me know if you've been in a similar boat... and how the hell you managed to sail out of it! 🤔

honestly, i don't even know where to begin with my sister. i'm nineteen and should probably be focusing on college or whatever, but instead, i'm dealing with her constant need to one-up me. it's like a never-ending game of "who's better?" honestly, who has time for that? everything has to be a competition with her. i'm talking grades, the affection from our folks, clothes, friends—literally everything. it's like she's trying to live my life for me. i wish she'd get the memo that i'm not interested in playing along in this rivalry she's invented in her own mind.

growing up, you'd think having a sibling would be this fun and supportive experience, but man, it really hasn't been. when we'd get our report cards, you could feel the tension in the room. i remember once she smugly said, "looks like i beat you again," as if life is some kind of scoreboard. and it doesn't stop there. when it comes to our parents, she acts like we're vying for the last cookie in the jar. it's exhausting and frankly, it's starting to wear me down. who knew feeling like a second fiddle in your own family could be so draining?

and don't even get me started on the dating scene. 🙄 i get it, sisters talk about boyfriends, but when it comes to her, every conversation feels like an interrogation. if i mention a guy, she immediately needs to know every detail: his looks, his grades, his interests—and heaven forbid if he's remotely better than anyone she's dated before. "oh, so he's into sports? my boyfriend can bench twice his weight," she'd say. sometimes, i wonder if she even likes people or just collects them like trophies to parade around. it makes me question her motives and, not gonna lie, it's kinda sad to make everything so transactional.

so yeah, i can't help but sometimes think wouldn't life just be a little bit nicer if we weren't always at war with each other? i'm sure other people deal with sibling rivalry, but this constant competition leaves a bad taste in my mouth. maybe one of these days, i'll tell her how i really feel, but then again, would she even listen? or would she just see it as another chance to win some imaginary race? makes you think if it's really worth the trouble or if this is something i'm just gonna have to learn to live with. is it possible to have peace when every moment around her feels like an uphill battle? guess i'll just have to wait and see.

you ever feel like you're just a ghost in your own home? like, here I am, 31 years old, a dude who's been on this spinning rock for more than three decades, and yet, I gotta say, it feels like my family's cared about me as much as a piece of chewing gum stuck under a desk. how messed up is that? from day one, it's like I've been the appendix of the family system—there, but not really necessary. like, what the heck!!! nobody asked them to go all out with dramatic acts of caring, but a nod of acknowledgment would have been nice. it's like my existence is the background noise of their lives, something they don't give a crap about. ever get that feeling? the one where you're the forgotten file on your family’s hard drive? sure, they threw some money at me, a roof over my head, but does that exempt them from showing actual, you know, human feelings???

since I was a kid, it always felt like i was another chore on their to-do list. like seriously, half the time I was just the notification they forgot to check. today, it's still the same, except now I'm handling my own bandwidth while they go off with their multiple subnets of life. zero emotional downloads from them while I over here am like: "Hey, remember me? The one who lived under your roof for 18 years???" when did I turn invisible? is there an off switch on their emotional router that I'm just entirely unaware of? imagine a tech support call with your family, where you try to troubleshoot their absence in your life, only to realize that nobody ever picked up the phone. they might as well have left me on hold forever. the usual excuse I get is that they were "busy with their own lives." sure, as if remembering your kid's name requires huge server resources. maybe immortality is in their plans, and they're banking on finding time to care later. what a joke!

it ain't like I expect a constant ping of attention, or to be the main node in their life network. just a simple response or, i don't know, acknowledgment that I'm part of the family configuration would be sufficient. instead, all I get is static whenever I try to connect. it's frustrating as hell, you know??? nobody sticks around to check my emotional cache, so it keeps overflowing. you ever have that? when your supposed support system feels more like an outdated OS? it's not like I'm requesting a full system upgrade; just a patch to fix the bugs would be nice. and before you say it, I'm aware self-care is important and all that jazz, but is it so wrong to want a family's firewall to occasionally let some love packets through??? being stuck in an emotional DDOS attack from neglect gets exhausting. don't misunderstand, I've got friends who care, and thank heavens for that, but should my emotional safety net not come from the family who installed my core programming??? it's all so ridiculous sometimes, but what can you do? just keep running scripts to stay functional, I guess.

idk if im gay or bi or straight or just confused. like i see this one boy in my school and he smile at me and my brain went all like fuzzy?? not like when i look at girls sometimes idk it just feel different. not better or worse just weird. i dont like hate myself or nothing but i feel like i wanna know what this is. i try look at girls the same way but it not same feeling even tho i still think they look pretty. my friends always talk about girls like oh she's hot or whatever and i laugh along but i feel kinda fake. like why i dont feel that strong? but then again maybe i do just not same time or same way. my brain go all confuse when i try think hard. i seen some gay stuff online too and some of it make me feel things, like not bad things just kinda like oh that’s nice, and i dont know if that mean something or if it just a normal thing like people curious. i read that some people just need time to figure and that you not gonna have all answers at once so maybe that’s me too;

i talk to my cousin once, he gay and he said it took him years to know. he said don’t rush and just feel what you feel, don’t push it away but don’t force nothing either. he nice and i trust him but still i scared to even say to friends or anything. they not bad people just always making jokes like calling stuff gay like it’s dumb or weak or something and that make me not wanna say stuff even if i maybe gay. i don’t feel ashamed or like i’m doing wrong but i also don’t wanna be laughed at or treated weird. i think about future too and if i wanna have a boyfriend or girlfriend and it feel like both could maybe happen?? but also neither maybe?? is that even a thing? like not choosing or just feeling okay with both and letting it go where it go. i wish school teach this stuff better instead of just making us read poems from old dead guys. we got feelings too and not everyone feel same and that okay. sometimes i just wanna talk and say all this out loud but my throat close up like i scared of my own voice.

i still don’t have answer. maybe i never will get a big moment where i’m like “oh now i know”. maybe it gonna be little stuff adding up and one day i’ll just feel okay with whatever i am. for now i think it's fine to wonder and not know for sure. maybe you reading this feel same and that okay too. i’m just trying my best to be honest with myself and not hate anything i feel. i wanna like who i like and be okay with that. life already hard enough without me hating my own heart. so i gonna keep thinking and living and hoping that things get clearer. and maybe one day i’ll smile at someone and they smile back and it just make sense. 😊

ive realized that i actually had symptoms of adhd. all of these years including in elementary school i thought that i was just actually bad at learning and actually being a good student and now i guess not. im so bad at saying my feelings and reasoning, i feel like im just standing in a one singular block in a void. im so embarassed everytime i communicate with someone thinking i said something wrong, my decisions are so foolish, and to the main issue is my life where im so fucking miserable to the point that i have no friends that i can trust including, doubts about people, and lusting over friends that i love the most. LUSTING OVER THE FRIENDS THAT I LOVE THE MOST AND ACTUALLY CARES TO JUST GIVE ME ATTENTION ALL THE TIME. im so fucking disguisting and a disgrace holy shit. i just cant keep going on a life like this.

have you ever noticed how relationships can sometimes blur our vision, much like a mismatched pair of glasses? in the complex realm of love, it's reminiscent of the way a barista perfectly layers a latte; intricate, delicate, and sometimes opaque. while navigating my own love life recently, i found myself caught in a whirlwind that left me questioning everything about how i perceive affection. it's as if i was sipping from a cup labeled, "love is blind," unsure of the concoction's true flavor, yet unable to put it down due to its addictive comfort.

it all began when i met someone who seemed to check all my proverbial boxes. initial interactions were like the perfect brewing process—controlled, predictable, and producing a seemingly flawless result. yet, as time unfolded, i discovered that love, much like coffee, could have undertones hidden beneath surface sweetness. our partnership evolved, teeming with the robust aroma of companionship and understanding, yet it simultaneously harbored a bitter aftertaste of misunderstandings and unmet expectations. was it just me, or do such intricacies define all relationships, subtly reminding us of the inherent unpredictability in love's recipe?

what perplexed me most was the realization that we were both viewing our union through our own distinctive lenses; this divergence was not inherently detrimental, but it introduced a dynamic of occasional blurred perceptions. for instance, our discussions on future aspirations sometimes felt like interpreting a piece of modern art; each of us saw it differently, unable to decipher which perspective was more authentic or perhaps they were both justifiable. isn't it fascinating how two people can be bound together by love, yet interpret their shared journey in uniquely independent ways, leaving one to wonder if the true essence of a relationship can ever be fully defined?

in retrospect, maybe love is meant to be a blend of contrasting notes; like a symphony of espresso shots mingling with milk, creating an experience that demands an open mind and tolerance. perhaps it isn't about seeking a perfectly balanced cup, but rather appreciating the complexity that comes with each sip. after all, each relationship is uniquely brewed, presenting its own version of 'love is blind cups,' leading us into exploring relationships not with absolute clarity but with curiosity and acceptance. might this be the secret ingredient to enduring love, embracing imperfection with an appreciation for its distinct flavor?

yo, i'm here for the first time here... and I have a question: why does it feel like nobody likes me?? like seriously, what's wrong with me? i'm 17 and it's freaking impossible to find people who actually want to be around me. in school, i'm just sitting there, invisible, while all these cliques and groups are laughing and having fun. i try to join, but they just look at me like i have three heads. it's not like i'm an alien or something! why is it so hard to just have someone like me for once??

so i thought, maybe school isn't for me, maybe i can find people outside of there, you know?? so i joined some sports clubs and tried to get involved. figured maybe the people there would appreciate my effort. guess what?! same damn story!!! doesn't matter if it's soccer, basketball, chess, whatever, it's like i'm cursed or something. like, what the hell am i doing wrong?? do i smell or something?!? it's like no matter where i go, i'm always the outsider. 🤦‍♂️

i keep thinking, maybe it’s my personality… but seriously, is it?!? like, I think I'm a decent person, ya know? it's not like i'm some jerk or always complaining (even though i am right now), but really... i just wanna understand why people can't seem to like me. and don’t even get me started on social media! people only like my stuff just 'cause they feel bad for me, i swear!!! it's like pity likes or something... maybe it's just better to be alone than fake liked, right?

how can people be so damn picky? are they looking for some perfect friend?? well guess what, i'm not perfect, okay! no one is. sometimes, i think that everyone’s just wearing these masks, pretending to be something they’re not, just to fit in. but maybe that's really what it takes... maybe i should just pretend to be someone i'm not to get people to like me??? sounds dumb, right??? but then again, isn't that what everyone else is doing too?!

anyways, i'm just tired of trying, you know?? i'm tired of giving my 100% and still coming up short. maybe it's just me after all… or maybe it's them. who knows?? all i know is i'm done bending over backwards for people who clearly don't appreciate it. feels like i'm just stuck in this never-ending loop of feeling unwanted. 😒 like, why don't people like me... ever??? is there something wrong with me or is the world just messed up?? ugh, questioning everything is exhausting... does anyone else feel this way too??

Some days feel like breaking,

Like the sky’s too wide to hold.

Like every effort’s wasted,

And your fire’s just running cold.

But broken isn’t ending—

It’s a shape that still survives.

The cracks just let the light in,

Proof that hurt can still hold life.

You are not your quiet failures,

Not the things they didn’t see.

You are the breath that kept on breathing,

When you thought you’d ceased to be.

The world may never thank you

For the battles fought alone—

But strength is built in silence,

And you’ve made that fight your own.

So rest, not in surrender,

But in kindness, deep and true.

Because even in the hurting,

There’s a brave heart beating: you

It’s heavy being that person — the reliable one, the strong one, the “they’ve got it” one. You carry so much for others, but when it’s your turn to break a little, it feels like no one’s there to catch you. Like your strength became a mask that made people forget you need care too.

And that’s exhausting. Not just physically, but emotionally — like your needs keep getting put on the back burner, even by you. You’re not alone in feeling that way, even though I know it can really feel like you are sometimes.

My ex and I stayed friends. I genuinely tried to grow from yk what he told me when he broke up with me. I’ve been thinking about distancing myself from him for a little bit but tonight sealed the deal. He and his friend were having problems. If I’m being honest, he was being self centered while

His friend came to him about an issue with their relationship. Though it’s not my friendship. But what hit the nail on the head of whether or not to leave him was the fact he dropped my name in their conversation. He said “this is just like how OP and others act.” I had nothing to do with that and he had no business bringing me up solely. So I asked him straight up “wtf was that name drop” and said oh I feel bad.and that oh but that stuff is solved. So why tf do you feel the need to bring up me in a conversation not about me? That shot was unnecessary. And then he said “but there is some stuff that’s been bothering me.” It’s impossible to make him happy. I have tried so hard. And there’s still grievances he refuses to say. That’s why we broke up in the first place. I’m actually so tired of this.

“So you think being a lesbian is worse than being a rapist?“ was not something I wanted to hear in the first 10 minutes of class.

But I keep my head up, and laugh when something funny happens because what else can I do?

I can act like it doesn’t matter.

Who are you to me anyway?

But no one says anything

and the words keep coming like waves crashing onto the shore

“Who even cares about the LGBT community anyway?“

“Why are you so gay?“

“just put the boy or girl on the website, the other ones are too complicated“

Petty jokes that flaunt your obvious queerphobia like a trophy.

And I know the teachers are trying their best

But I’m so tired of them changing the subject

“Just let it go!“

“I’m okay with it, but sheesh.“

You get a slap on the wrist so they don’t have to actually deal with the problem

Everytime it gets okay enough for me to feel good for once

I get hit with something like “Homosexuality is a sin!“ or “isn’t it some sort of disease?“

which is so easy for someone straight like you to say

Who’s questioned skipping class because you can’t handle another trumpie telling you how to exist

Who’s never questioned who the right person to tell about your crush is because you don’t know how they’ll react

Who’s never had someone get up and run away from you after you told them about your sexuality

Who’s never had a friend say “I don’t talk to lesbians because I’m worried they’ll like me!“ behind your back.

No one’s blackmailed you for being straight.

No one’s said you’ve betrayed the opposite sex.

You’ve never spent a birthday party sitting next to some girl trying to convince you you’re too pretty for this “lifestyle.“

You’ve never sat there and taken all the comments and rude gestures while you talk to a person of the opposite sex because you’re too scared to tell them the truth.

You’re not sick.

You’re not a sinner.

And you don’t have to deal with the consequences of your actions

Because you have queer friends!

You get a free pass!

You were just kidding!

And everyone believes you.

What do they care?

It’s not about them anyway

I’ve spent too much time pretending not to hear you

or that you meant something else

I’m not asking for much

But you don’t need to look at at through the lense of your religion

You don’t need to look at us through the lense of being less

You just need to look at us the same way that you look at people

Your fellow humans

All I ask is too be humanized

Is that too much?

I’m only 15 going on 16 and I’m already so stressed about life.

I have agoraphobia and selective mutism. My grandma is already talking about me getting a job and I feel like they’re gonna have me help pay bills since her and my mom have been struggling with bills for some time now.

My mom is never home and with her it’s a whole situation but I feel so alone.. I feel like I never got to be a kid and responsibilities just pile on responsibilities and soon I have to take regents exams.

I try to talk to my family about my issues but it gets dismissed because it’s just “bad energy” “nothings wrong with you” “unless you get brain scanned you don’t have anxiety disorders.”

I don’t even have my dad to rely on because I don’t talk to him and I hate being a burden.

I wish I had someone to help me and guide e through life I feel like I’m expected to do things my own when I’m terrified and honestly so damn tired of life. I don’t know how much more I can take before I just stop trying.

And there’s so much more but I have no friends to go to because they all just gave me trust issues by talking behind my back and saying “I’m sad all the time” when in reality I’m just vulnerable and scared. I’m scared to grow up, I’m scared of what life holds for me, I’m scared of my own future. I just wish I had more guidance instead of emotionally absent parents and a mother who cares more about her boyfriend than me.

So I have a tight knit friend group and we have known each other for a long time ( say 15-16 years ). So we are currently on a break from class and all of us were supposed to go out on this upcoming Wednesday. However, due to the place being closed we won’t be able to. So my best friend ( let’s call her Z ) told me that we should go today ( just the two of us ) as we don’t get to spend time together that much, the reason why the entire group didn’t go is because one of our friends had class. I asked Z if our other friend ( let’s call her Y ), who has previously said that she wants to go out can join us too but Z was hellbent on spending time together and have a one-one hangout. So I spoke on the phone with Y and she got a bit upset, which is totally understandable.

Later, at night we saw that my friend who has class today went to the movies with another one of our friends today and texted in the group chat that why did Z and I create plans without them ( we didn’t even go ). Today, my friend Y ( who wanted to go with us ) was like why are you even sending me reels you don’t even want to hang out with me…….

Like the thing is I understand why they are upset but everyone goes on a one-one hangout.

I’m honestly so lost about what I should do about this.

BTW I apologized to Y and explained to her why Z wanted to have a one-one hangout right after she asked me.

so, there’s this thing i’ve been doing lately and it’s probably the dumbest thing you’ll hear all day, but it works for me during those totally unpredictable, chaotic moments where i feel like the entire universe is flipping me the bird and my anxiety’s about to skyrocket into orbit; i’ve been forcing myself to just breathe, like literally standing there in the middle of whatever’s going down, inhaling so deep that it feels like i’m about to burst, then slowly letting it out like i’m some kind of zen master or whatever, and yeah it sounds super corny but focusing on your breath actually forces your mind to stop freaking out for just long enough to not lose it; i also try to write things down, and i don’t mean a fancy bullet journal or some crap you see on pinterest, i mean i grab the nearest scrap of paper, napkin, whatever, and i start scribbling every chaotic thought or worry or even a stupid doodle if i can’t find words, because there’s something about seeing it all outside of your brain that makes it less intimidating and gives you a bit of a laugh at how ridiculous some of it sounds; and then there’s my go-to move, which is just dropping everything and going for a walk, no matter the weather, and yeah, sometimes it’s pouring rain or freezing, but the sheer act of putting one foot in front of the other, feeling the ground beneath me and just noticing the tiny details around like the color of the sky or the way the air smells helps me anchor myself to reality; oh and don’t even get me started on music, because blasting your favorite playlist, the one that makes you feel like a badass, can literally change your entire mood and shift your perspective from ‘everything sucks’ to ‘okay, maybe i can handle this for a bit longer’; and if i’m really in deep, like spiraling kind of deep, i force myself to reach out to someone, whether it’s a friend who’ll let me vent without judgment or even just sending a quick “hey i’m struggling today” text, because as much as i hate to admit it, sometimes you just need to hear another human voice reminding you that you’re not as alone as your mind is making you feel; i also sometimes dive into something completely unrelated, like rewatching my favorite dumb tv show, because giving your brain a break from obsessing over uncertainty can be surprisingly powerful, and it’s not avoidance, it’s just giving yourself permission to rest and not be ‘on’ all the time; also, weirdly enough, i’ve found that setting the tiniest goals helps, like literally telling myself “just get through the next ten minutes” or “just clean one corner of the room” because ticking off even the smallest task gives you a tiny hit of accomplishment and sometimes that’s enough to keep going; but maybe the most important thing i’ve learned is to stop trying to predict or control everything because let’s be honest, none of us really know what’s coming next and pretending we do just exhausts us, so i’ve been trying to lean into the discomfort and tell myself “you’ve survived worse, you’ll survive this too” and weirdly enough, it helps to remember that i’m not the only one trying to navigate this crazy unpredictable life.

I stand I front of myself in the mirror, tears blurring the vision of the dress I tried on. It was a looser fit than before, but not lose enough. The contents of my stomach always emptied not so long after meals, lost somewhere in the pipes that rest beneath my house. And I stare at my bruised frame, cursing myself for the damage I am causing to myself. All because the only thing I want to feel is pretty. I make myself sick because I know this is all wrong. I know because it is only reassurance that I have gained over the years. Yes i’m aware I need to come to terms with my body, love myself unconditionally and all that, but I don’t. I can’t.