Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 51

i hope i am using this site correctly! for context, im a girl & in high school. so, about a week ago, my friend told me that a friend of her boyfriend likes me. even though i didn’t know him super well, i remembered him from a class we had a year prior and how i always had a little crush on him. the news came as a huge surprise to me because no one has ever liked me before. after 2 days of freaking out, my friend convinced me to add him on snap (i barely use it, and had to hype myself up for an hour to do so haha). then my friend told me that he wouldn’t be messaging me and didn’t want to pursue anything. she said he doesn’t feel ready for a relationship right now because of college & general major life events which i understand. even so, i was really upset. i still feel overdramatic haha. he still likes me though, and i like him. apparently he wouldn’t mind being friends but he also hasn’t done anything to contact me in days so i’m not sure. i know this is probably not a big deal but this is pretty huge to me. i want to at least get to know him, but im super nervous to talk to him. he’s also graduating soon and i don’t want to just ignore it and let him go if i have a chance. advice would be really appreciated, idk what im doing :,)

I've struggled with weight issues and eating ever since I was 9, I'm 15 now and I'm now kinda of aware I ain't fat but I feel it. It was never that bad but now the last 4 months it's gotten so bad, i eat a bit and feel like I've js ate a whole buffet and I get so bloated I geniunely feel like I could explode, the smells of my fav foods makes me feel sick, the sight, smell, even hearing ppl talking abt food makes me feel sick, idk if I have an ed but im struggling sm rn, I barely eat cuz I just can't, I had some watermelon like 6 hours ago I still feel bloated and sick as fuck, this first started when I wanted to lose weight but now I've lost some and I feel okay in my body but I js can't bring myself to eat. and then my mum she never understands istg she said "u cant js starve urself for 10+ hours (she said this bc from the time I wake up to coming back from school (5pm) I don't eat anything) and then go n drink energy drinks n chocolate" I bought chocolate today. it's been weeks. she's js making me feel worse saying I need to eat protein n not stuff my face in chocolate like what. she used to be so understanding n now she says this? ig what I'm tryna say is what can I do to feel normal again and be able to eat? even water makes me sick. idk what to do anymore.

I moved schools a few months ago and I love it sm and I met this guy about a month ago and he's great I really do mean that and he's liked me I think ever since we met (his friends are always making jokes when I'm around and I've been told by many people) and that's very sweet and I could see myself w him but idk if I'm ready to date, I've dated before but idk I feel like I'm awkward and would fuck things up, I really do enjoy talking to him he's really nice but idk I don't wanna ruin things and then we stop talking

It’s kind of stupid. I don’t even really know how to say it, or why I feel the need to throw it out here. But here I am.

Today’s my ex’s birthday.
We broke up over two years ago. We were together for four. And still, every damn year, May 16th hits me like a total bitch.

I try to carry on like it’s a normal day, but it’s not. It never is. I close my eyes and she’s *right there*. The memories come rushing back before I can stop them. Not really the good ones, even though there were a few, but mostly the bad. The heavy. The ones that never really let go.

It was the worst relationship of my life. I’m really not exaggerating it. I’m won’t get into the details—this isn’t the place, and honestly, I don’t want to go back there more than I already am. But it was toxic. Emotionally violent. Draining in ways I still don’t have words for.
And yet—part of me is *still* stuck there. Still trapped in a past I hate with every part of me.

I’ve tried to move forward. Tried to rebuild. And on the outside, it looks like I have. I’m stronger now. Sharper. She’s been gone from my life for ages; we don’t talk, we don’t see each other, we live in different worlds.
But today, I can’t fake it. I can’t pretend May 16th doesn’t mean something. That it doesn’t *still* mess me up.

I hate feeling this way. This ugly, twisted mix of pain, nostalgia, and quiet anger I don’t know where to put. It makes no sense. I didn’t ask for it. I don’t want it. I don’t *deserve* it.
But it’s here. So I’m saying it. Because maybe it’ll helps.
Maybe dragging this invisible weight into the light makes it just a little easier to carry.

So, I get it—long-distance relationships usually end up a mess, but I decided to give it a shot anyway. Honestly, at the beginning it wasn't even that bad. We texted all the time, FaceTimed every night, and had this playlist we'd both add songs to, which was actually kinda nice. It felt like it was working, you know? But, obviously, things changed. A couple weeks ago, he hit me with the classic "this isn’t really what I’m looking for," which, to translate, meant he wanted someone closer who he could actually see in real life. Logically, yeah, it makes sense. But emotionally? It sucks. Like, why couldn't I see this coming? I'm constantly replaying the conversations, dissecting every tiny thing he said, as if it's going to change something. Spoiler alert: it doesn't.

The worst part is how stupid I feel. Like, I know exactly what's happening—I studied psychology in class; I'm familiar with terms like "confirmation bias" and "emotional dependency." But knowing the fancy terms doesn't stop my brain from obsessing. My friends don't help either. All their advice boils down to useless phrases like "there’s plenty of fish in the sea," or "just move on already." Thanks, genius, I hadn't thought of that! 🙄 Even when I distract myself—studying, hanging out with friends, whatever—he pops into my head again. It's genuinely annoying how the human brain works sometimes. Why do we get stuck obsessing over people who clearly don't feel the same? Is that, like, some kind of biological programming to make life extra complicated for no reason?

But what's even more irritating is that I'm fully aware of how dumb I'm being, yet I can't seem to shake it. Like, it's almost insulting how clearly I can see my own irrational behavior, yet I can't actually change it. One of my friends bluntly told me yesterday that it’s basically like going through withdrawal from an addiction—except the "addiction" was him. And yeah, I've read about it, it's literally chemical: dopamine, serotonin, all those things we talked about in biology. But knowing I'm just experiencing some stupid brain reaction doesn't actually fix anything. It doesn't erase how awful it feels. Seriously, is there some cheat code to getting over someone, or am I stuck waiting for my brain to finally stop being so ridiculously stubborn?

I feel like I don't want people's pity or their complaints anymore—I don't know if a previous post of mine is online—I don't want her. I don't want any more rescues. This is what my mother was getting at. That woman only lived to point out what was wrong with me, going to extremes for God's sake, and supported by others. All her life, that woman has lived to pressure and thus intervene with me. What's the point of having someone as a slave? That's why she had her mother and me. Until when? It bothers me because I feel like I can't say bad things here, otherwise, I feel like I'd be breaking the rules.

I hate my mother. I never want to see her again. Since my treatment, she's turned out to be the person I hate the most, even more than my aunt. Manipulative, cynical, and also someone who deceives people by using people who don't share what she claims. That's what deception is all about. My mother is a criminal, a person who simply thrives on adventure, doing things her way, and she likes it. How can anyone practice that? How can anyone like such practices? Has my mother lost her mind, for God's sake? How could my mother go to such extremes? God forbid. This is too much. I can't be with someone like that, nor should anyone. What's that? On top of that, using my grandmother to get me to come to her house, luring me in through pity. Damn, what kind of mentality is that, for God's sake? My mother needs a psychologist or to be locked up in a mental hospital immediately, or I'd even include being behind bars. I can't believe these attitudes I picked up from my mother, even though I'm aware of this. How could she like my mother? How can my grandmother support that? Have they lost their minds?

My mother was even willing to go to the university to see if I had earned my degree, when that's a matter for me, for my adulthood. It can't be that the university gave her information about this. I can't believe my mom went to elaborate or make my situation worse regarding this issue. What happened to the degree wasn't her problem. My mom even said I should do it for her happiness, for God's sake. How could that woman have believed I would act for her happiness? In the places where I received care for my treatment, they took away my degree. I'm going to have to burn it to avoid any further trouble. It can't be that people wanted to mess with my degree. Besides, they're thinking about my future when I've been separated from them for a long time. My life isn't their problem, and I've proven it on several occasions. It can't be that my mom didn't understand that, as well as other family members. And at this point! I waited until they were more vulnerable to make a bigger suggestion! What mental misery, for God's sake! I can't believe this; this is damn abuse. I can't believe this happened to me; frankly, I can't believe it. I feel extremely confused. It's definitive that I can't have anything with this family; if I do anything, they'll want to say it's theirs. They'll make excuses. I can't continue wasting my time with them. This attitude is too much.

My mother asking crazy questions, inquiring about my life, just like my aunt did when I never wanted to share my life with them. I mean, this is an abuse of their authority as housewives. This is shocking. I'm never dealing with any of them again, under any circumstances. They pushed me to the limit. It can't be that my own family pushed me to the limit. My mom leaves me alone at university, everywhere, even though I tell her things to her face. How many times has that woman tried to make me look bad on the street because of my treatment? That woman made a living by making me angry, for God's sake. My aunt was worse; she only made a living by pressuring me more and more, just like her. I can never go back to these relatives. Living with them is a failure, it's impossible. It's not even stable when I'm not there, where everyone imposes themselves on her or the other way around. I don't know how my father could have thought of living with her, just when I was feeling bad. I find it hard to believe my father didn't really want to kill me, when this was the case and he'd known it for a long time.

Why did my father send me to live with two crazy women? Maybe whatever was wrong with me wouldn't kill me, but putting up with them would have killed me. I mean, frankly, they were unbearable. No human being can live with such miserable people. I personally am grateful for having maintained zero distance from them at all costs. If they thought there would be any gratitude from me, they were wrong. In fact, it was a way for both of us to gradually escape, to run away from there at all costs. I preferred to go home to be alone, despite all the consequences there had been and would be. That treatment was so unnecessary, I mean, it was the worst because it made me need company and my life is made for that I'm alone; that joke didn't take me seriously, it was as if life couldn't conspire with the system, and that's why I feel so excluded from it.

I feel so furious about what happened. So angry. I'm about to break everything that's ever been and ever will be. It can't be that I had to live through that. It can't be that it happened to me. I feel so angry. And on top of that, those women, my mom and my aunt, trying to see me again. How nauseating. I mean, they have no shame. After all the mess they made, even my aunt pressured me to stay at her house! They have no shame. They want me to act like nothing's happening to put up with them, and no, definitely not. I'd rather they put them through the worst possible time, but I'm not going to risk it for them. As expected, sooner or later the storm hit. It didn't happen at first, but then it finally hit. How eager they were to think that I wouldn't react, that I wouldn't do anything. How careless, for God's sake. I've always been one of those people who flaunts the truth, with prudence, but when they want to escape, what choice do I have? I have no choice but to act this way, under pressure from that same way of acting. I feel like these women are looking for some kind of companion in life, something like that, but I'm not there for them, and they do everything they can—coerce, play group games, etc.—to make it happen. I say it categorically: I would never share my life with them. And then come and impose this on me? In effect, they saw me as a toy, a little bag to be molded. That's a miserable mentality, for God's sake!

My bf has had some troubles since he was very young when it come to sexual pleasure and to self pleasure as well.

We've been together 5 years now and 4 of them were very long distance. It was a bit of a problem even then since his sex drive on long distance was very high while mine not. We have moved now together and we've been living with eachother for almost a year. Our sex life hasn't been very intense but thats bc we both work a lot and fitness-wise we aren't that active. That, we dont mind, we've talked about it and it's enough for both.

But last holidays he went online and started sexting with an other girl including pictures. She was a stranger and he hasnt talked to her (from what i knwo) again. Last week it happened again and it was a different stranger. I know him well enough to know that he truly isnt the type to go and cheat but that self pleasure and sexual urge is very strong sometimes and he doesnt think about it clearly in the moment.

We have of course discussed it and he was the one to let me know later that evening bc he couldn't leep it anymore. It wasnt even that I or he didnt want to have intercourse but I was on my period and we dont do anything in the time of the month.

What hurts more ig is that this time instead of being at work while he did that i was in our office playing online with others and he was in the living room. Somehow that makes it worse? I cant explain it but it hasn't bothered me like this before. Last time i completely brushed it off and even forgot about it bc I understand him.

Idk what to think and how to handle this and i dont have anyone else to talk about it except for him bc he is my best friend as well.

I really love him and its not black and white. I just want to find a way to handle this.

Man, I just gotta get this off my chest, like for real. I’m 16, right? And my relationship with my mom is the absolute worst. It’s crazy how different she is with my little sister, like she practically worships her or something. It’s like they’re best friends and I’m just... there. 😕

Every time I walk into the room, it feels like I’m stepping into a battlefield; she gives me this look that just screams annoyance. Like, what’s up with that? It’s not like I’m a total jerk or anything. I mean, I try to keep it chill, but every little thing I do just seems to set her off. “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” is basically her daily mantra. Seriously, how am I supposed to compete with someone who can do no wrong? It’s exhausting. 😤 My sister is sweet and always gets the praise. I don’t blame her, she’s cool, but jeez, a little love for the older sibling wouldn’t hurt either! I can’t help but feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells around my mom. Even things like asking her for a favor seem to ignite a volcanic eruption. “I’m too busy, why don’t you just handle it yourself?” Like, okay, I get that you have a lot to juggle, but come on, don’t I deserve a little consideration? I mean, it’s only fair. I’m a teen trying to navigate life and school and whatever else comes my way. Just last week, I asked her if she could help me with some school project ideas. She hardly listened and just told me to Google it. Like, really? I get that independence is important and all, but there’s a fine line between being supportive and being dismissive. 😒 My friends joke around about their moms being “just a little bit overprotective,” but I’m over here just wishing for some attention!

I honestly can’t figure out what I’ve done to deserve this treatment. I’ve tried talking to her about it but every time I bring it up, she makes me feel like I'm whining. “You need to toughen up,” she says. I’m like, what am I supposed to do with that? It’s not like I’m asking her to hand me everything on a silver platter. I just want some recognition, you know? Like... occasionally ask about my day or show a little interest when I’m venting about a bad test or a friendship issue. But nah, it’s always about my sister's dance competitions or her latest cute outfit. I can’t help but feel like a second-class citizen in my own home. It’s frustrating, to say the least. And the worst part? When my friends are over and see how affectionate she is with my sister, they definitely notice the strong contrast. You could cut the tension with a knife! 😳 I can’t help but wonder if she even realizes she’s doing it. Maybe she’s caught up in her own world and just doesn’t see me. I’m there, but I feel invisible. It’s kind of like being the background character in a movie where everyone else gets the spotlight. Is it wrong that I want to yell, “Hey! I’m here too!” I constantly catch myself daydreaming about what it would be like to have a mom who genuinely had my back. It sounds simple, right? Just someone who’s on my side, cheering me on instead of the constant critic. Is that too much to ask?

I hear my friends tell stories about their moms and I can’t help but feel this wave of jealousy wash over me. They have those heart-to-heart chats that I would honestly die for. 🤦‍♂️ Real talk, have I done something specific that triggered this? Or does she just have a weird preference? Why does it feel like I'm in competition for her affection? I don’t need to be her favorite, but a little balance would be nice! So yeah, sometimes I just wanna scream, "I hate my mom," but deep down, I know that it’s not really that simple. I guess in some ways, I still want her to notice me. I don't know, maybe I'm imagining it all, but it sure feels real to me. Thanks for hearing me out, this has been building up for a minute!

We all have those times when we take a good long look at our lives and think, "Wow, my family is basically toxic." Yeah, that’s me, sitting here at 17, kind of over all the crap I’ve had to deal with since I was little; like, when did it become completely normal for people who are supposed to love and support you to treat you like you’re some low-life piece of trash? I mean, seriously? It’s been this way as far back as I can remember, and sometimes I wonder if anyone else feels like this or if it’s just me – does anyone else out there have a family that just doesn’t know how to be nice? It’s like I’ve been living in a sitcom that got canceled after one season, with a cast of characters who just can’t figure out how to act right. I constantly find myself waiting for the finish line of high school to come into sight because that’s when I know I can finally break free. You know, the moment where I can just stand up and say, “Screw you all! I’m outta here!” But here I am, still enduring endless lectures from my parents about how I’m not good enough or how I need to shape up because apparently, my life goals were decided by them when they thought having kids would be a walk in the park. How do they expect me to thrive when I feel suffocated by all their demands? It’s maddening! It’s disheartening to think that I’m surrounded by people who don’t even see my potential, who seem to want to keep me small and miserable. Like, where’s the understanding? Where’s the compassion? Where’s the basic human decency? I’ve tried to talk to them about how I feel, but every time I open my mouth, it’s like throwing a paper plane into a hurricane; all it does is get torn apart and blown away. Have you ever had a conversation that felt like you were speaking a completely different language? I can’t count the number of times I’ve faced resentment just for wanting to express my thoughts. It’s as if my voice doesn't even exist; it’s frustrating because I have dreams, aspirations, actual plans of how to better my life. I want to work hard and make something of myself, but instead of encouragement, I get subjected to eye rolls and dismissive comments. It’s unhealthy and toxic, and there’s no other way to put it! Honestly, I’d rather be alone than in a house where I’m constantly reminded of my so-called shortcomings; I have no clue how they think this is going to help me in the long run. And, sure, they say they care; of course, they do! But their version of care seems to be wrapped in criticism and negativity, which makes me roll my eyes so hard I’m surprised I don’t see my brain. There’s nothing quite like feeling like the black sheep of the family, which is ironic because I sometimes wish I could turn into a literal sheep and just roam peacefully, far away from all the chaos. Even when we’re all sitting together for dinner, it feels like a battleground where every stare cuts deeper than a knife. You can cut the tension with a knife; it’s palpable! The silences are more deafening than the arguments, where everyone just eats in a hollow, uncomfortable silence, avoiding each other’s gazes like I'm some kind of alien invading their planet; and for what? I’m just trying to survive here! I guess the only silver lining is that I’m learning resilience. I’m becoming stronger with each drama-filled day. I’m looking forward to the moment I can fly away and create a life that is mine, free from emotional blackmail; it’s almost like my own personal rebellion! I keep reminding myself that this toxic environment doesn’t define who I am or what I can achieve. I hope to find my own supportive community outside of this mess, a place where people encourage you to chase your dreams and don’t tear you down at every opportunity. I know there’s a world out there full of kindness and warmth, waiting for me to find it! Yes, I may have a toxic family, but I believe I can break this cycle! How many of you feels this way too? Isn’t it time we all just took charge of our own narratives and molded them into something beautiful?

it’s been six months since I moved to New York City, and I can’t shake this feeling of loneliness. being 29 and living in such a bustling city is supposed to be exciting, right? well, I thought so too. As I walk around the streets filled with lively faces and vibrant energy, I find myself feeling disconnected and isolated. the sheer size of the city amplifies my loneliness; it’s ironic how one can feel so alone in a crowd. sometimes, I wonder if others feel the same way; do they also walk around with an invisible barrier between themselves and the world around them?

to combat this loneliness, I decided to engage in some volunteer work. I thought that maybe helping others would not only distract me from my own feelings but also help me connect with new people. I signed up at a local food bank and participated regularly, serving meals and sorting donations. while it was fulfilling to see the smiles on people's faces, I still returned home feeling hollow. the relationships formed during those moments were fleeting and shallow; it’s not like I was building lasting connections. I had hoped for more than just a brief encounter; I wanted to form friendships and find a sense of belonging. instead, I left with the same heavy heart, counting the days since I moved to this city.

during my time volunteering, I made small talk with a few people, sharing brief exchanges and pleasantries. however, I would return to my empty apartment, and the silence would feel deafening. it seems that despite the efforts I had put into trying to engage with others, I still found myself without real friends or a support system. I have considered joining clubs or classes, but the thought of walking into a room full of strangers is daunting, and I often find myself hesitating. does everyone feel this uncertainty when meeting new people? am I the only one struggling to find my place in a city that never sleeps? 🤔

even though the loneliness has been overwhelming, I refuse to let it consume me. I remind myself that I chose to live in New York City for a reason, and I believe that the opportunities for connection are boundless. I have been exploring new hobbies, such as painting and attending community events, and while I have yet to forge lasting friendships, I remain hopeful. each day brings new possibilities; it’s a matter of putting myself out there. perhaps it is just a matter of time; I trust that with patience, I will find my tribe. the journey towards connection can be incredibly challenging, but I strive to remain positive and cultivate a sense of gratitude for the experiences I have had so far.

in conclusion, my loneliness has led me to reflect on myself and what I truly desire from my life in this magnificent city. I acknowledge the pain of feeling disconnected, yet I see it as a stepping stone towards personal growth. while the struggles may feel heavy now, I am motivated to keep moving forward and seek connections that will enrich my life. ultimately, I know I am not alone in my journey. so, if you find yourself feeling lonely too, how do you cope with it? what steps do you take to connect with others? let's find solace in sharing these experiences, for perhaps together we can navigate this vast city and create meaningful connections in the process; you never know what could be just around the corner.

I'm a young teen and the 3rd/youngest child in my family.

My mom has schizophrenia(she hears things rather than hallucinates) and terrible paranoia, and all my life I had to live with this ALONE. My father works abroad though he regularly calls to check up on us, and my older brothers moved to live with my grandma when I was younger. I'm guessing it's to run away from my mom, but I was left with her. Maybe because I was too young to understand things, and they needed to have someone to live with her so she won't be lonely... But because of this, I've been isolated, lonely, drained, and sometimes depressed.

I had to deal with my mom staying at my school and wait until I got dismissed every single day for 4 fucking years. I was a child back then so I didn't understand anything and thought it was normal. I'd have my friends and classmates ask me why she stays at school and I would never know what to say so I'd repeat the same answer, "Because she cares about me." Well, I wasn't exactly wrong because she does care about me but she worries WAY TOO MUCH. I thought it was okay at first until I couldn't even go anywhere in school campus without her following me. I couldn't eat with any of my friends at the cafeteria because I was eating with her. Hell, I couldn't even have fun with the cool kids for the first time because she was there following me. I would tell her, "I wanna be independent and go to school alone!" but she'd never listen. EVEN TILL THIS DAY, I'm currently in high school and will soon go to Senior high, and though she doesn't stay at my school anymore, she still won't listen to me and continues to treat me like I can't take care of myself, like I don't know how to get home, like I'm still 6 years old. I hate it. My father tries to help, especially when he's home over the holidays. He'd argue with my mom to let me be a teenager. But she won't listen and make up excuses.

A year ago, I was at a very depressed point in my life and started self-harming. It got to a point where I wanted to see a guidance counselor because I couldn't take it anymore. She was honestly the only adult I felt comfortable being honest with. After opening up to her, she recommended I go see a psychiatrist and give her the results so she knows what she's dealing with and will know how to help me. She had to call a parent about this but because my father is working abroad, she had to call my mom. But it wasn't a good idea to tell my mom because when she did, my mom thought it was POINTLESS. So my guidance counselor had to call my guardian, my oldest brother. Thankfully, he listened and took me to see a psychiatrist(it took him a few weeks though for him to finally take me to one.) Because I'm young, I needed to have a guardian with me when I go to see my psychiatrist, so I had both of my older brothers. I don't know if the psychiatrist even helped, I mean, she did help a bit with dealing with my mom but I already knew how. I've gotten used to it. I think it was better if I saw a therapist. I haven't been able to give my guidance counselor the results back because I thought I could handle things on my own, which obviously I'm not doing good at if I'm typing my life in an anonymous venting site😭🙏

Since then, I don't know why but I've felt drained from my own family. I looked up to my brothers but they barely talk to me. They barely helped me at all when I lived alone with my mom. I thought they would because they went through similar things as me when they were younger, but they never really did much. My oldest brother would pick me up and drive me to see a date or go to a sleepover so my mom won't follow and my other brother would help me with assignments I have struggles with but honestly that's it. I don't want to sound ungrateful and expect more from my brothers, I know how much they went through but I just wish they treated me like their little sister, someone who's struggling the same way they were.

I'm only ever in contact with them when it comes to something I need, whether it be picking me up or asking them to be my guardian for a school event. Hell, even when we go out for family dinners, with my dad or not, they still barely talk to me. A month ago, me, my mom, and my brothers went out to celebrate my reward for being an outstanding student but even then, they barely talked to me. WE NEVER EVEN WENT ANYWHERE BUT JUST ATE DINNER AT SOME YOGURT PLACE AT THE MALL AND SIT AT SOME MUSICAL SHOW WHILE MY MOM WENT TO DO GROCERIES??? It was supposed to be a dinner celebrating MY achievement yet they barely even acknowledged my existence. I had to cry in the public bathroom and go out there pretending like everything was fine. I don't even know if my brothers even care about me, I know they do but sometimes it feels like they don't.

I don't think they even care to notice I'm barely taking care of myself. Hell, my mom literally called my brother telling him that I haven't been eating anything for the past few days and he didn't think to even message me.

Honestly, the only person in my family who genuinely cares about me and my well-being is my father. Though not here a lot, he calls me asking if I'm okay. When he's home, he makes sure I eat properly and sleep properly. He supports me and wishes the best for me and for my brothers. He's the only person in my family who I can be myself to and feel comfortable with. He's the main reason why I haven't kicked the bucket during covid. It would kill me even more to know how painful it would be for my father if I killed myself.

Other than my father, I don't know how to feel about my family anymore. I told myself that they do care, but I'm finding it hard to believe that anymore.

i can hardly believe that I’m sitting here at 30 years old, feeling like the biggest loser on the planet. for years, I was under the impression that pouring my heart and soul into my career would eventually lead to some degree of success and fulfillment; yet, yesterday I received the delightful news that I was laid off from a job I devoted a decade to. there I was, the quintessential “successful career woman,” or at least I thought I was — no husband, no kids, nothing but a fancy job title that seems to have vanished into thin air. 👍🏽 it’s almost laughable how I’ve spent my entire adult life chasing this elusive idea of success while neglecting the more important realities of life.

what now? I sit here sipping my cold coffee, staring out the window, contemplating if I’m supposed to stick to my meticulously planned life goals. the irony is not lost on me; I envisioned a prestigious title and a plush desk, perhaps even a partner by my side, but instead I have a cat who looks equally disillusioned when I try to explain my unemployment, as if it understands my shattered dreams. my colleagues are posting job updates and accomplishments on LinkedIn, while I scroll through my feed, salty as hell, feeling like I’m living some bad joke. am I destined to be that one woman everyone remembers fondly but wonders why she never settled down? 😔

it’s truly incredible how quickly everything unravels, isn’t it? even amidst this chaos, I find myself reflecting on recent conversations with friends who often remind me that life is not merely about titles and accolades; it’s about experiences and connections. sure, it’s easier said than done when your mind is a swirling mess of doubt, but I think back to my last vacation, chilling on the beach with friends, laughing at ridiculous comparisons of our lives. I have traveled the world, but each journey was mostly solo, a grim reminder that I have yet to share these moments with someone special. still, my heart tells me there’s a silver lining; perhaps this is the universe’s way of saying, “Girl, it’s time to reinvent yourself!”; when was the last time I took a real risk, anyway?

in short, I’m determined not to let this layoff define me or my future. I’ve got a list of ideas for side hustles and things I’ve always wanted to try but shoved aside for the glorified 9-to-5 lifestyle. I’ve been meaning to explore photography again, or even consider going back to school for something totally out of the box. the possibilities are endless, or at least they seem more appealing than wallowing in self-pity. so here’s my question for you, fellow venters: how do you bounce back when life hits you hard? is there really a light at the end of this tunnel, or am I just deluding myself with false hopes? I’d love to know; it’s just me and my cat, and she isn’t much for advice. 🐱

so, I’ve been trying to wrap my head around this whole freelancing gig combined with building a SaaS platform, right? it’s honestly a mess. I’m 25, and not a developer at all, but here I am, thinking I can just roll up my sleeves, watch a few YouTube videos on how to build software with AI, and magically make it all happen; my girlfriend? yeah, she's not so supportive anymore. when I first told her I was going to dive into this thing, her eyes kinda lit up, but that faded quickly into this cold hard stare like she’s watching a train wreck in slow motion. she keeps saying things like, “you know, not everyone is cut out for this, and maybe you’re just wasting time and money.” and honestly, those words gnaw at me like a constant background static. it's amazing how someone you love can inspire both motivation and doubt at the same time. after binge-watching videos, you’d think I’d be golden; but no, it turns out that coding is like trying to learn a foreign language while climbing a mountain blindfolded! it’s not simple, it’s not intuitive, and sometimes I feel like the more I learn, the less I actually know. I keep telling myself, “there is no try, only do,” but is that even true? with everything from front-end user interfaces that need to look sleek to back-end architecture that needs to be solid, it feels like I’m trying to juggle flaming swords while blindfolded! the other day, I attempted to code this feature that I thought would be revolutionary, right? I’d been watching some tutorial on how to incorporate machine learning to analyze user behavior but when I finally tried to implement it, my code just crapped out on me; I didn’t just get an error, I got an existential crisis wrapped in a tech failure. I mean, seriously, who am I fooling? I’m sitting here staring at this screen like I’ve lost my mind, and the worst part? the more I dive into this, the more I can feel her doubts creeping in and sinking into my brain! it’s relentless! how do I prove to her—or even myself—that I can really make this work? every time I show her a little bit of progress, it’s like I can hear her inner voice saying, “great, another day wasted on a pipe dream.” but you know what? that’s the struggle of the freelancer, isn't it? constantly battling not just market competition but your inner demons and the opinions of those around you! and don’t even get me started on all the self-proclaimed “entrepreneurs” online spinning tales of their immense success one month after they started their business. do you ever wonder if some of them are just pulling a fast one on us? there has to be a good chunk of them who are just as lost as I am, right? sometimes I feel like I'm just another cog in a giant machine that’s destined to break down. I mean, come on! does anyone actually just pick up coding and have instant success? because if that’s the case, then I might need to re-evaluate my life choices! it’s not all sunshine and rainbows; it’s more like being trapped in a perpetual storm cloud that rains down self-doubt instead of water. while I keep pushing through these coding blocks and trying to keep my head above water, every notification I get seems like a reminder of how much further I am from any type of success. have you ever felt that way, where every step forward is accompanied by a hundred steps backward? do you think it’s just a psychological trick that our minds play on us? like the more you succeed, the more brutally aware you become of the uphill battle ahead? I even signed up for a few forums and groups, thinking I’d find solidarity or a little inspiration, but honestly, it seems like it’s just an echo chamber of complaints and failed projects; sure, there are success stories sprinkled in there, but a lot feel like gimmicks, you know? how do some people garner millions in funding while I’m just out here sweating over a simple AI-driven user interface? am I just a fool chasing after shadows, or can I actually turn this around?! sometimes I think I should just toss in the towel and get a 'real' job that pays the bills instead of this stressful rollercoaster ride of tech dreams and failures. it’s exhausting living on this edge of hope and despair every single day while I try to create something out of nothing. so what do I do? do I listen to my girlfriend and consider this a lost cause or do I forge ahead blindly into the chaos of the unknown, clinging to this idea that if I push hard enough, maybe, just maybe, I’ll find something worthwhile on the other side of all this mess?

so, like, my ex keeps trying to contact me and it’s super annoying!!! I thought we were done when we broke up a few months ago, but he just won’t take a hint. I even blocked him on all social media platforms but somehow he still finds a way to message me??? like, how? I mean, is it really that hard for him to understand that I don’t want to talk to him anymore? I’m 22 and just trying to live my life; I don’t need this drama!!! 😩

the worst part is, he sometimes sends me these really inappropriate texts and, honestly, it makes me feel so uncomfortable. who does that? like, hello, I don’t want to receive those kinds of messages. it’s like he has no respect for me or my boundaries at all!!! I tried responding nicely the first few times, hoping he would get it. I was like, “hey, please stop texting me, I’m not interested,” but he just brushes it off and tries again. it’s exhausting!!! 😒

I even thought about changing my number, but then I realized that wouldn’t solve the problem because if he finds me on Instagram or any other platform, it just repeats itself. I really don’t want to keep playing this game of cat and mouse! I don’t want to have those awkward confrontations where I have to explain why I don’t want to talk to him... it just feels so unnecessary and, to be honest, a little embarrassing. isn’t it sad that it’s reached this point? 😳 I’m trying to think of a way to cut him off for good; I'm considering reporting and blocking but that feels like a whole thing;

I guess my question is, what should I even do next? has anyone been in a similar situation? I just want peace but this keeps dragging on and it’s getting super old! sometimes it feels like he thinks we’re still together or something and it’s confusing!!! I know I need to stand my ground but all this back and forth is just too much. ugh, I wish I could just turn back time and avoid all of this drama! anyone have advice? please help!!! 🙏

I don’t know why but these last few days have felt like weeks.

Everything feels longer slower even.

Like it’s moving by inch by inch.

Like a movie that you’re watching while you trying to keep your eyes open.

You’re trying so hard but when you blink for a long moment it’s still on the same scene.

Everything is just feels pointless.

Like there’s no important end result to any of my actions.

I have the energy to do stuff.

It’s rarely me ever being tired it’s more the lack of motivation.

My body just won’t let me do things I used to.

I’ve learned that energy is like a kids birthday money

you know you have it but yet you will never be able to spend it before it’s gone.

It’s like I’m physically being held back by my brain.

I leave a room and the smile that was there just turns blank.

Everything turns blank so what was the point of all that?

Why is everything watered down?

Things that used to make me giggle hard enough to the point where my stomach would hurt

now makes me give a brief smile if I’m lucky.

I have to force myself to laugh.

I’m not funny anymore.

It’s like my sense of humor expired and now it’s copying the world around it.

I want to be see as funny and outgoing but it never works.

Giving up on that I wanted to be seen as mature and put together

but it just comes off as just stupid dreams of a child

and gets shut down within the first five seconds.

I started to express myself in the page. In the sketchbook.

It looked like a cringe worthy sight but it was how I felt.

So I drew images I saw online and called my own art

because technically that’s what it was.

But deep down it was more. It was how I felt.

A bunch of scribbles that to the normal person would be seen as an image and not a cry for help deep down.

Multiple people saw these dark gore filled pages and didn’t bat an eye.

They complimented it said how good it looked how it was my style not my feelings.

I wish people would see more.

I wish they could see how much I feel trapped.

I wish I could be freed from my brain.

I’ve recently found myself not enjoying most of my old hobbies.

Playing video games feels like chores when I’m alone.

Drawing outside of school hasn’t been done in ages.

I just sit. I sit.

I sit and feel like I want to cry yet my eyes won’t give me the relief of crying.

My chest stays compressed. Having that hurt sad feeling.

I remember joining theatre and thinking acting was easy.

Maybe that’s cause I had always been doing it. I was always able to spot it.

But now I’m seeing it and feeling it in my environment and it’s messing with my head. Just like everything else I’ve done has.

Seventh grade I remember thinking I wasn’t good enough

and hurting myself while I was watching the older better kids.

I had done basketball just as long as the other kids.

Why can’t I do it the same?

Last year it was speech.

I joined expecting greatness but I got last after last after last.

I got our results only to find out I had majority of the problems.

I felt like I was holding you back.

Not allowing you to reach you full potential. Not allowing you to fly.

I remember telling myself I wasn’t good enough.

But this time I didn’t have the experience.

Why was I so hard on myself?

All this happened year after year.

I haven’t yet had my annual burnt out self hatred.

I know it’s coming I can feel it.

I know that my mental health is depleted but yet I know the worst is yet to come.

And I know I’m going to sit there in silence through the whole thing like I’ve done for years.

There used to be so much but then it just went numb

I see things that should hurt me and I know they do

But I just get nothing