Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 49

I never thought I’d be the woman who got divorced in her fifties. When we got married, I truly believed it was forever. We built a life together, raised kids, went through struggles, celebrated milestones. But somewhere along the way, I realized I wasn’t happy anymore—not in the way that could be fixed by a weekend away or a new routine. It was the kind of unhappiness that settled deep into my bones, the kind that made me feel like I was disappearing inside my own life. I stayed for years, telling myself it was just a rough patch, that love looks different after decades together, that comfort is its own kind of happiness. But the truth is, comfort became suffocation. And when I finally gathered the strength to say it out loud—to say I can’t do this anymore—his reaction was exactly what I feared. He didn’t yell, he didn’t fight, but he refused to accept it. As if, by sheer will alone, he could undo what I had already decided. And now, months later, after papers have been signed and our lives have been legally separated, he still looks at me with this quiet disbelief, as if I’ll wake up one day and say, You were right, let’s go back to the way things were. But I won’t.

Every conversation we have now ends the same way, with him saying "I don’t understand how you could do this," and me responding with the only truth I have left to give: "I’m sorry you feel that way." I say it because I don’t have the energy to fight anymore, because I know nothing I say will make him understand, and because, in some ways, it’s easier than admitting I don’t care if he understands or not. I didn’t leave to hurt him, but I also didn’t leave to spend the rest of my life apologizing for saving myself. And that’s what I did—I saved myself. From a life that felt stagnant, from a marriage that felt more like an obligation than a choice. It’s not that I don’t feel anything for him anymore. I do. I will probably always love him in some way, but love and happiness are not the same thing. And I chose happiness. That choice was mine to make, even if he never forgives me for it. So now, whenever he tries to guilt me, to make me second-guess, to make me feel responsible for his sadness, I take a deep breath and remind myself: I gave him years. I gave him chances. I gave him everything I had to give. And now, I choose me. I’m sorry he feels the way he does, but I am not sorry for leaving.

Bro, I swear, I used to be the hustle guy. You know, the dude waking up at 5 AM, hitting the gym, drinking coffee like it was holy water, grinding 12-hour days like I was building the next Amazon. And then I actually did it. Well, not Amazon, but I sold my company, made a nice chunk of cash, and now… I have nothing to do. Like, literally nothing. No deadlines, no urgent emails, no clients screaming at me. Just me, my bed, and the crippling realization that I have absolutely zero reason to get up before noon. And let me tell you, once your alarm clock stops being a life-or-death situation, waking up early becomes the hardest thing in the world. Like, what am I even waking up for? To stare at my ceiling? To scroll Instagram until I question every life choice I ever made? To drink coffee out of boredom instead of necessity? Nah man, my bed is too comfortable for that nonsense. 😴

At first, I told myself it was just a phase, you know? "Take some time off, relax, recharge," all that good stuff. But now? It’s been months, and I have officially entered pajama gremlin mode. My sleep schedule is so messed up that I’m basically nocturnal. I wake up, maybe make a smoothie if I’m feeling ambitious, then somehow the next thing I know it’s 3 PM, and I’ve accomplished nothing except opening 25 Wikipedia tabs about ancient civilizations and debating if I should start a podcast. And don’t even get me started on productivity hacks. I tried setting alarms—snoozed them all. I tried putting my phone across the room—ended up sleeping on the couch so I wouldn’t have to get up. I even tried the whole “just get up and make your bed” thing, but turns out, if you never get up, the bed stays made forever. Life hack? 🤷

And look, I’m not depressed or anything, I’m actually in a great mood most of the time. But there’s just this weird meh feeling when you have no goals left to chase. It’s like playing a video game where you already beat the final boss, so now you’re just wandering around the map, opening random chests for fun. I even considered starting a new business just to have something to do, but the thought of investor meetings and spreadsheets again makes me wanna hibernate permanently. Plus, what would I even start? "Sleepy CEO Coaching"? "How to Wake Up Late and Still Succeed"? 😂 Nah, man. Maybe I just need a new hobby or something. People say “travel the world”, but traveling alone sounds suspiciously like a lot of effort, and I’m pretty sure I’d just end up sleeping in different time zones instead.

So yeah, how to get out of bed? No clue. If you got tips that don’t involve waking up at ungodly hours or having an existential crisis, let me know. Until then, I’ll just be here, vibing in my blankets, waiting for life to give me a reason to put on pants again. 😆

Everything for me has been so stressful. My friends at school, they can't stop bothering me every single moment of the day. Sometimes, they can't stop talking about random things that no one asked about, and theres times where they just forget I'm here. I kind of stand around every time they have a conversation, but every time a conversation actually includes me, It gets a bit boring or inappropriate. I recently got myself a boyfriend, but I wanted to keep it private and only share it between them. Of course, some of them can't hold a secret and told people. I got so mad, but I eventually worked it out, although I'm still really mad at her and now I feel like I can't share anything to anyone, which is usually a way that helps me deal with things. My boyfriends friends as well, they get really annoying and make weird comments every single time. I just don't feel like I have proper relationships with anyone.

I also do competitive sports, and I'm moving houses, so I also have to change sport clubs. I did a few trial lessons, and I hate that I can't talk to anyone. Everyone already knows each other, and I'm just.. there. I used to be so excited about all these things and now, I just feel broken. I have to leave all my current friends, who I have known for around 2-4 years, and none of them are coming with me. Every part of my social life is kind of falling apart and I just need help. I don't want to reach out for it because when my friends find out about this and get worried, they get all clingy, which I don't like at all.

I don’t even know why I do it. Like, every time someone actually tries to be my friend, I just… ruin it. It’s not like I want to be alone, but for some reason, I always end up pushing people away. At first, things are fine, we talk, we laugh, they seem cool, and then my brain starts freaking out. What if they don’t actually like me? What if I say something stupid? What if I annoy them and they just pretend to be nice? And then, instead of just going with it like a normal person, I start acting distant, stop replying to texts, avoid them in class, and before I know it, they move on. And I pretend like I don’t care, but deep down, it sucks. It’s like I’m stuck in this loop where I want friends but also push them away the second they get too close.

It’s not even like people are mean to me or anything. I see them hanging out in groups, making plans, posting about it online, and I wonder what that even feels like. To just be able to connect with people without overthinking every little thing. When someone sits next to me in class and actually starts a conversation, I panic. My brain starts screaming say something normal!! don’t be weird!! and then I either go completely silent or just say something so awkward that the conversation dies right there. And then I feel even worse. It’s like, I could be making friends, I should be, but something in me won’t let it happen. Like I don’t deserve it or something.

And then when I actually do let someone in, I mess it up in a different way. I start testing them without even realizing it. Ignoring texts to see if they’ll double text. Cancelling plans just to see if they really wanna hang out. Being all moody and distant to see if they’ll put in the effort to ask what’s wrong. And if they don’t? Then I tell myself see? they don’t actually care. But like, why would they? Why would anyone wanna keep trying with someone who keeps shutting them out? It’s not fair to them. And it’s definitely not fair to me, because in the end, I’m the one who ends up alone.

I keep thinking maybe it’s just safer this way. Like, if I don’t let people in, they can’t hurt me. I don’t have to deal with the drama, the fights, the feeling of someone just getting bored of me and leaving. But then I look around and see everyone else with their inside jokes, their sleepovers, their dumb little traditions, and I realize I’m missing out. Even when I’m in a crowded room, I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. And I hate that feeling. I hate watching from the sidelines, pretending like I don’t care when I really do. But at the same time, I don’t know how to stop being like this.

So yeah, why do I push people away? I wish I knew the answer. Maybe I’m scared of rejection, maybe I just don’t trust people, maybe I’ve just been alone for so long that I don’t even know how to let someone in anymore. But whatever the reason, I’m tired of it. I don’t wanna wake up one day and realize I spent my whole life shutting people out just because I was scared of getting hurt. I wanna be better. I just don’t know where to start.

I swear I tried everything, but nothing ever works out for me. Every time I start something new, I suck at it. People always say "oh, you just need to practice" or "you’ll find your thing, don’t worry," but what if I don’t? What if I’m just bad at everything? I tried studying different subjects but nothing sticks. Math? Forget it, I barely pass. Writing? Takes me forever to put a single sentence together, and it still sounds dumb. Science? Idk, all the terms just go in my head and disappear like five seconds later. And don’t even get me started on anything artistic. I can’t draw, I can’t play music, I don’t have any of those creative talents people show off online. I look around and see everyone has something, like they’re naturally good at sports or coding or fixing things, and here I am, struggling to even find one thing I don’t completely suck at.

It’s not just school either. I tried manual work, like building stuff, and I always mess up. My dad once tried to teach me how to fix a sink, and somehow I made it worse. Tried helping a friend with his car and nearly broke something expensive. People tell me "just use your hands, it’s not that hard," but my brain don’t work that way. It’s like my hands and my head don’t connect properly or something. Even basic stuff, like learning to cook, I mess up. I once burned pasta—pasta bro, how do you even do that?! I feel like no matter what I try, I fail at it. And then I see other people who don’t even try that hard, but they’re just naturally good at stuff, and it makes me feel like maybe I’m just not meant to be good at anything. Like some people are just born talented, and then there’s people like me who can’t even figure out what they’re supposed to do in life.

I wish I had at least one thing, just something I could say "yeah, I’m good at this." But everything I try just proves over and over that I’m just average at best, useless at worst. It’s like I’m stuck in this loop of trying, failing, feeling like crap, then trying again because people say "don’t give up," and failing again. It’s exausting. And what scares me the most is that I have no clue what I’m gonna do in the future. Like, how do you pick a career when you suck at everything? How do you even function in the world when you got no skills? I don’t wanna be a loser my whole life, but at this point, I honestly don’t know what else to do.

I met a guy online a little bit ago and we quickly discovered we had a lot in common and liked talking to each other. We eventually made plans to meet in person. (We confirmed we both were who we said we were and did all the proper safety steps like meeting in public etc) I traveled to where he lives. ( I know now that I should have had us meet halfway in a neutral location but it is what it is now.) we met in a public location and we had hugged and kissed and chatted a bit. He was very sweet but it was a little awkward. I figured maybe we just needed to get used to the in person dynamic. Things improved after a little bit of talking.I was feeling more confident. This is where things went south, I know I shouldn’t have but I did let him convince me to hook up with him at my hotel. I was incredibly uncomfortable and he even said he could tell I was uncomfortable. Not to mention it hurt horribly because he was very rough. He also said right after that he kept having flashbacks of his ex during it. We met up the next day for lunch and right in public he tells me he felt nothing when we did romantic stuff but he did like hanging out with me. I was floored by his coldness and the fact he would do that in a crowded restaurant. It was a relief in a way though because I felt uneasy about him to say the least. Intraveled home early and we have spoken since and he once again told me he could tell I wasn’t ready and that I was uncomfortable when we hooked up and that I was “lucky to have discovered that with him and he was caring enough to be patient with me”. I had tried to bring up some feelings I had from the whole thing like that it effected my confidence and he said it wasn’t fair to him for me to have feelings about the whole thing because he was moving on too. Am I wrong for feeling so torn up and gross about this experience? What do you think?

My partner always invalidate my feelings. He just brush it off whenever I start telling him of how he made me feel an outsider on our relationship and was never appreciated and cared for. I am so done!

So I do edibles sometimes and recently got in contact with a new dealer.

He sees me and thinks I’m cute, thanks, nothing I haven’t heard before.

He’s 22 while I’m 17 which is effing gross. I’m not a stupid teen he thinks he can groom, I don’t like him, I just want some edibles to relax and distress from school.

But he’s here in my chat talking about, im sweet, im nice, im simple.

I don’t care if you are. I’m not getting in a relationship with you.

I just want some weed man, I wanna cry, this is so gross.

I’d just block him but because I know he likes me I just know I’m gonna get dirt cheap weed.

I just can’t stand it, don’t you have morals? I’m still in school.

so yeah

I write songs sometimes

on the way home from after schol band practice yesterday

I came up with a song in my mom's car lol.

I only have most of the chorus

I need to know:

1: is it good?

2: what line should I add to finish the chorus?

It's in the style of like, think Three Days Grace or Linkin Park

here it is:

"And all the colours fade to black

I can't keep going forward, but I can't turn back,

I'm conflicted,

I am stuck,

I'm so sick of feeling numb,"

So that's it

I need another line but idk what to put

and I have no verses either but I'll figure that out myself lol

Omg I don’t even know what to do. Like, I feel so freaking guilty but at the same time I don’t even know if I should tell him. My bf doesn’t know… and maybe it’s better that way? I swear I never meant for this to happen. I love him, like for real love him. But it was just one night, and it didn’t even mean anything. It was so stupid. We had this fight, nothing crazy but I was mad, and he was being all distant so I went out with my friends. And then there was this guy… I didn’t even like him like that, but we were drinking and talking and idk, it just happened. One second we were just laughing and then the next… I don’t even wanna say it. I keep telling myself it was just a mistake, just a dumb moment that don’t matter, but every time I see my bf I feel like the worst person alive.

I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do. If I tell him, it’s gonna ruin everything. He’s not the kind of guy who just forgives something like this. He’s gonna hate me. And I don’t blame him. I hate me too. But if I don’t tell him, then what? I just pretend like nothing happened? Every time he tells me he loves me I feel like he wouldn’t if he really knew me. And what if someone else tells him? Like what if one of my friends lets it slip or something?? Omg I would die. I keep thinking maybe I should just tell him first, but then I think about the look on his face and I just… can’t.

I keep going back and forth. Sometimes I think, ok, it was just a mistake, I love him, we can move past it. But then sometimes I feel like I don’t even deserve him anymore. Like, maybe I should just break up with him before he finds out, maybe that would be easier. But I don’t want to lose him. I just wish I could go back to that night and undo everything. But I can’t. And now I have to live with it, whether he knows or not.

People always say kindess is the most important thing, like if you be nice to people, good things come back to you. But honestly, I don’t know if that’s true anymore. I used to think it was, used to try real hard to always be the "good" person, the one who helps, the one who listens, the one who puts others first. And what do I get for it? Nothing. People just take what they want from you and then leave when they don’t need you no more. Like, I lost count of how many times I’ve been there for someone, helped them through something, only for them to forget I even exist once their life gets better. And it’s not like I expect a prize or anything, but damn, would it kill people to actually appreciate it? To remember?

I had this friend, right? She was going through a real bad time, like everything in her life was a mess. I was there for her every day, texting, calling, going over to her place, making sure she was okay. I did everything I could to help her. And she always said, "I don’t know what I’d do without you," "You’re the only one who actually cares." Made me think, yeah, maybe this time it’s different. Maybe this time someone actually values me. But guess what? The second things got better for her, she found new friends, started dating someone, got her life together, and just… forgot about me. Like I was just a tool she needed for that one chapter of her life. And that’s not even the first time it happened.

So what’s the point? Why should I keep trying to be nice, keep showing up for people when it never gets me anywhere? Sometimes I think maybe it’s just me, maybe I’m too stupid to see that the world doesn’t work like that. People don’t actually care about kindess, they just take what they need from whoever’s willing to give it. And then I look around, and I see all these selfish people, the ones who don’t care about anyone but themselves, and they’re the ones who actually seem happy. They do whatever they want, say whatever they want, and people still like them. Meanwhile, the ones who actually try to be good just end up getting used.

And don’t even get me started on how people treat kindness like weakness. If you’re too nice, too giving, people just assume they can walk all over you. At work, I tried to be the person who helped everyone, covered shifts, did favors, always said yes. And you know what happened? People just started expecting it. No one actually asked me anymore, they just assumed I’d do it. The second I said no to something, they acted all shocked, like I was suddenly a different person. And it made me realize, people don’t respect kindess. They use it.

Maybe I sound bitter, maybe I am. But I’m just tired of always being the one who cares more. Of always giving and never getting. Of always being the backup plan, the emotional support, the nice one. Because at the end of the day, kindess don’t get you love. It don’t get you respect. It just gets you taken for granted. And honestly? I don’t wanna live like that anymore.

There are different type of people. "My parents are divorced", "My parents are happily married". My parents SHOULD be divorced. I don't want them to get divorced, but at the same time, they're clearly not healthy for each other. They argue every day and their personalities don't match at all. Twenty five years of marriage, and they've never really loved each other. I think they both could be been happier in anther world, where they never met each other. My mum met someone she loved and married him in that universe. My dad never settled down and traveled the world. I was never born in that universe, but they're both happy that way. I love both of my parents and I want them to be happy. They bring out the worst in each other, and it's painful. I feel so afraid, because their moods become sour. If I mess up, my mum gets angry. If I get upset over her arguing, she tells me to not make it about myself. I'm not blaming her, because I know this could have been avoided if my mum was with someone else. I know they're only staying together "for the kids" (aka me and my siblings), but even their children can see how unhealthy this is. I can't tell them to divorce, neither can I mend their relationship. So I just have to live through it for a few more years. But I don't know how much more I can take.

Sometimes I sit in my car for a few extra minutes before going back inside. It’s not like there’s anything waiting for me in there that I don’t already know—dinner needs to be made, the kids are probably arguing over something ridiculous, and my husband will be in his usual spot, watching TV or scrolling on his phone, barely noticing I’ve come back. It’s not that he’s a bad man. He’s never been abusive, never been mean, never done anything that would make people say I should leave him. But he also doesn’t do anything. No affection, no deep conversations, no laughter that isn’t forced. Just routine, the same boring loop we’ve been stuck in for years. And I hate that I sound ungrateful, because he works hard, he provides for all of us, and I know plenty of women have it worse. But does that mean I’m just supposed to accept that this is it? That life is just chores and parenting and making sure everyone else is okay while I slowly feel like I’m disappearing?

I wasn’t always like this. I used to be fun, I used to have dreams. I wanted to travel, I wanted to do something creative, I wanted a marriage that actually felt like a partnership instead of just coexisting. But we had kids, and then another, and then another, and suddenly my entire identity became mom while my husband kept being... himself. He still has his job, his hobbies, his space, while I feel like my whole world has shrunk to the walls of this house. And I know, I chose to stay home. It made sense financially. His job pays well enough that I don’t have to work, and childcare would have eaten up most of anything I made anyway. But now, years later, I see the trap I walked into. I have no career, no financial independence, and no way out even if I wanted one. If I left, how would I support myself? How would I support them? And I don’t even know if I want to leave. That’s the worst part. It’s not like there’s someone else. It’s not like I think divorce would magically fix everything. But I also don’t know how to spend the rest of my life feeling like this—like I’m just existing instead of living.

I’ve tried talking to him before. Told him I feel lonely, that I miss who we used to be, that I need something to break the routine. He listens, nods, says yeah, I get it—and then nothing changes. No date nights, no little surprises, no effort. Just the same routine, day after day, year after year. Maybe he thinks this is normal, maybe he’s fine with things the way they are, maybe he doesn’t even realize how much of me has faded away. And I don’t know what to do with that. I keep telling myself that once the kids are older, maybe I can find a job, maybe I can get back some piece of myself that I lost along the way. But what if by then it’s too late? What if I wake up at 50 and realize I wasted all my years waiting for a life that was never gonna come? I don’t know the answer, and honestly, I don’t know if there is one. All I know is I’m feeling trapped, and I don’t know how to break free.

Idk why but I just feel like I never good enough. Like I look around and everybody else seem so much more confident, like they just know who they are, what they want, how to talk to people. And then there’s me, always second guessing everything, thinking did I say something dumb? do they even like me? am I just annoying? It’s so exausting to always feel like I gotta prove myself or act a certain way just to be accepted. Like even in class, I wanna ask a question but then my brain goes what if it’s stupid? what if they all think I’m dumb? and then I just sit there in silence, pretending like I understand when I don’t. And it’s not just in class, it’s everywhere. I walk into a room and feel like everybody’s looking at me, judging me, even if I know deep down they prob don’t even care.

I try to tell myself to stop, to just be normal and not overthink everything but it’s so hard. I look in the mirror and all I see are the things I don’t like. My hair is never right, my face looks weird, my clothes never feel like they actually fit me right. And I see all these girls who just look so effortless, like they woke up looking perfect and they don’t even try. Even when I do my makeup or wear something nice, I still feel like I’m just pretending, like it’s obvious to everyone that I don’t belong. And don’t even get me started on social media, cuz that just make it worse. I scroll and see all these people with perfect lives, perfect bodies, perfect friends, and it just makes me feel even more like I’m failing at being a normal human.

I wish I knew how to stop being insecure. Like how do people just wake up and like themselves?? I’ve read all the advice—be positive, practice self love, stop comparing yourself to others—but it don’t actually help. I tell myself "you’re fine, you’re not ugly, you’re smart, you’re worth something" but my brain just goes lol sure keep telling yourself that. I feel like no matter what I do, there’s always gonna be someone better, someone who’s funnier, prettier, more interesting, and people are always gonna like them more than me. And the worst part is I don’t even know why I care so much. It’s not like I even wanna be the center of attention, I just don’t wanna feel like I’m always less than everybody else.

So yeah, if anybody out there actually figured out how to stop being insecure, let me know. Cuz I’m tired of feeling like this, tired of hiding behind my phone at parties, tired of thinking every little thing I say or do is wrong. I just wanna be able to exist without feeling like I need to be better all the time. But idk, maybe some people just born with confidence and some of us just gotta fake it forever.

I have been going through this creative burnout for the beginning of the Covid experience. And lately it is taking a lot out of me to try to do anything creative. Because mostly half the time trying to figure out where to put my little figures or find a great picture landscape It’s hard because there’s so many other people, and they might look at you. Funny when you have little objects with you. Also, there’s other people who tried to help but interferes with your creative mind. Plus you get interruptions a lot. Is there anyone who knows about creative burnout to overcome it or help ease out of it because it is exhausting and I don’t know what to do next for my pictures.