Health and Wellness Failures Stories - page 2

have you ever found yourself tongue-tied, unsure of what to say when engaging with someone who has Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)? 😅 growing up, we're instructed to think before we speak, yet it seems this golden rule often gets lost when conversing with individuals who experience multiple identities. this unwitting ignorance can lead to awkward moments and, at worst, can be unintentionally harmful to someone navigating DID. while initial trepidation may be understandable, there's no need to turn communication into a minefield, right? isn't it peculiar how some people approach these situations with detached curiosity or flat-out skepticism instead of genuine empathy? merely seeing a person as a curiosity or entertainment piece can perpetuate stereotypes. simple things like asking, “which one am I talking to now?” might stem from well-meaning intentions but often land as a jarring reminder of their struggles rather than a quick entrée into befriending.

dismissing their reality by suggesting, “isn’t that just your imagination running wild?” invalidates their lived experience. who really benefits from making sweeping generalizations or assumptions like suggesting therapy focuses on integrating personalities? sure, at times people think they're being helpful, but often, it's time to self-question the given biases. 🤔 consider instead rendering your ears as a vessel for cautious listening without injecting unsolicited advice. it's really not rocket science, is it? imagine how dismissive phrases like “isn’t that just a movie thing?” would echo in contexts beyond DID. what makes us go default at downplaying complexities when closing the gap of understanding could be a simple matter of awareness enhanced with empathy? scrolling online forums to eavesdrop on the collective wisdom can be enlightening, but jumping to expert status without actual knowledge? probably not the best move, huh? let’s just accept that nuances exist in everyone and steer conversations with that in our hearts. is that fair to say?

i’ve been thinking about SH for a while since i last did it (a month ago). it always feels refreshing and takes my mind off of all the other problems i have in life. i want to get help but i feel like im not valid for lots of reasons. i have only cut twice and they never bled or left scars before, i am pretty young, i feel like i am part of the reason why my mental health is so bad too. i cannot handle school anymore even though i have no elective classes anymore in school. i feel like people will downplay my mental health because of how i am. i usually have all good grades and i look fine most of the time which i feel like makes it seem like i am okay. to make it worse i have a twin sister who has similar problems to me but it is more evident so she gets more attention to her problems than i do. only one of my friends and my mom realize i dont eat anything anymore. i usually just eat around 2-3 bags of the smallest hot cheeto size bags everyday and sometimes soda and some dumplings. i dont feel fat or that i want to starve myself, i genuinely just forget to eat. i also want to dress gothic so badly but im worried about what people will think and about money. i have lots of friends yet i feel so alone and that i cant talk to anyone fully about how i feel. i have only talked to someone about this 3 times before. my friend has told me she worries about me all the time because she knows i downplay when im sad and dont talk about my feelings to anyone. when im sad i typically dont show it and just be alone, when im overwhelmed or stressed i panic and start crying. i sometimes want to cut my legs or arms harder so my parents will notice and take me to a mental facility so i can get away from everything. i feel like everyday nothing matters and im starting to lose interest in the things i like. i have only been focusing on school so i wont get bored and one game and show. i stopped drawing and have been having major artblock recently. something i do all the time now is i go on gacha life 2 and make different designs of my fav characters or oc’s or write fanfics so i can focus everything onto them rather than do nothing. i genuinely want something bad to happen to me so i can get help. i stopped talking to my friends a lot and i haven’t hung out with any of them for a month. i’ve started to not feel like eating any of my safe foods which has been stressing me out because i eat most of the time because im bored and can literally not do anything else. i have only 2-3 safe foods and im starting to get bored of them. i feel so empty all the time.

hey there, folks! so, the weirdest thing happened the other day, and it got me thinking about this peculiar phenomenon that's been a part of my life for as long as i can remember. you know when you're about to do something really nerve-wracking, like giving a speech or going on a first date, and suddenly, you feel that unpleasant urge to visit the restroom? well, that's exactly what happened to me, and i gotta say, it's both embarrassing and fascinating at the same time. have you ever experienced that? apparently, it's a pretty common thing and science has an answer for it, believe it or not; our bodies are just wired to respond that way. now, i'm not trying to bore you with a biology lesson here, but here's the gist of it: when we get nervous, our fight-or-flight response kicks in, and that triggers a whole bunch of reactions in our body, including the need to 'go'. it's like our bodies are preparing to run away from danger, and, well, we all know that running with a full bladder (or worse) is definitely not ideal. speaking from personal experience, it really does make an already anxious situation even more awkward. like, for instance, when i had this important job interview recently, i mean, i was sweating bullets and all, but then... the dreaded bathroom feeling hit me, and i was just like, 'not now, please!' i honestly don't know why it can't just wait, you know? wouldn't it be great if our bodies could just chill until a more appropriate time? honestly, i can't be the only one finding this both intriguing and downright inconvenient. so i remembered reading somewhere, might've been on a health blog or something, that this all relates to the sympathetic nervous system and the adrenaline rush that sends our bodies into overdrive. it's kind of cool how our bodies are so efficient in one sense, but, at the same time, it’s like, 'come on, what gives?' anyway, i've learned some tricks to calm my nerves a bit, like deep breathing and visualizing more relaxed situations, but let's be real, it's an ongoing struggle. you ever tried to focus on your breathing? i swear, sometimes it works, other times not so much. but hey, life is full of these quirky experiences, right? it's all about making the most of it and maybe even sharing a laugh or two at our own expense. so, have you ever found yourself in the same boat, or am i just being overly dramatic? ain't it funny how our bodies have a mind of their own sometimes? i'm sure there's probably a name for this whole ordeal, some fancy scientific term, but whether i remember it or not doesn't change a thing. guess we all just have to roll with it and hope that next time, our nerves will be a bit kinder to our digestive system. but all jokes aside, isn't it fascinating how human bodies are such complex machines? keep smiling, folks!

I know it's bad to compare myself but sometimes I can't help it, it's not online people much as I stray away; instead, it's my own sister, her hair is amazing, getting compliments, called a diva by a gay guy, that one hurt, knowing I'm apart of that community, it was so embarrassing that it's hard for me to call myself a trans gay man knowing I'm just a loser, she many online friends as we're both homeschool, friends with anyone, and talks to the family, longer eyelashes. She's on her phone, probably texting her friends all the time. I have two normal sisters and then there's me, it's like everybody can see that I'm the weird one for my hobbies and how I look. I don't like being cynical so I've been working on that but now I just feel bad, comparing myself.

It's hard, investing in my looks by buying skincare, wigs, clothes, and even trying makeup even tho I'm shit at it, I'll never be as cute as those girls or boys online in my own eyes. I see people I relate to online, mainly girls but they're also pretty, I just wish I was at least pretty even tho I'm depressed and mentally ill.

My suicidal thoughts come randomly, "omg I'm 18 rn but I'll be 30 in 12 years and my life has amount to nothing! I should die rn." "Omg my sister is better than me and everyone can tell, she doesn't talk to me as much anymore, maybe I'm better off dead." "Omg my life is terrible and will stay that way, need to die before it gets worse."

My cousins, even the adults ones and their partners and my sis all have a group chat without me, it's like even my family thinks I'm weird or something. I just don't talk much so they probably assume I hate them or something.

That being said... should I try and make friends again? Even e-date around?

I feel like there are a mixture of ai responses and human responses on here, don't tell me to join a support group, I've been looking and trying. There's not many free ones and I have to keep waiting for the right day of the week to even join. Cant even get a therapist becuz I don't even have a doctor becuz my mom wants me to wait and do it with her. It's annoying. I feel like I'm in "learned helplessness", am I?

Anything is appreciated.

Lately, I've been grappling with this really unsettling sensation every single time I try hitting the hay, and man, it's just freaky!!! 😳 I don't know if anyone else out there feels this, but it genuinely feels like I'm on the brink of something fatal as soon as I close my eyes. It's like, why does sleep suddenly feel like skydiving without a parachute?! Anyone??!! The moment I'm drifting off, my heart starts pounding like the opening scenes of a thriller movie, and I'm pretty sure I'm still alive, yet there's that undying (pun intended lol) fear that I might not be when I wake up. 😅 Deep down, I know it's probably anxiety or something related, but boy, oh boy, is it intense! I'm basically there, lying in bed, like, "Hey, body, cut me some slack; this feels a bit too dramatic!!!" 😂 But, seriously, I do keep telling myself that it's just the mind playing its twisted games. Weirdly enough, though, calming myself down isn't always as easy as just snapping my fingers and poof, the panic's gone. Sometimes I just wonder if it's the subconscious mind trying to tell me something I can't figure out yet? You ever just feel like your brain just wants to mess with you for no good reason?? 😂 It can get a bit overwhelming, but staying hopeful, right???? It's really all about a mental boost, like self-psyching yourself that you're OK and it's gonna be fiiiiine!!! 🙌 Thinking positively does wonders, doesn't it?? Does anyone else feel like some low-key Jedi mind tricks are necessary to push through this?? Maybe adding a chill playlist or listening to some calming podcasts could chill out the hyperactive brain. 🙏 But, I really don't want this to bog me down. There's a silver lining in everything, and maybe this is an opportunity to work on mastering my thoughts, ya know?? It's all about finding those tiny pockets of peace and letting 'em bloom, turning those anxieties into some zen garden kind of vibes. Surely this is just the phase of learning to navigate through life, right? Does it mean my imagination is just over the top? Who knows!!! 🤔 Regardless of this nuanced battle with silent panic, there's this undying hope that I'll find a good balance soon, settle into a rhythm that doesn't include fear whispering lullabies into my nighttime routine. 🤞 It's all part of finding what works, maybe practicing some mindfulness exercises or getting comfy with tea rituals before bed? Anyone else a tea fan? Seems like whatever works, right?! Ultimately, these peculiar sensations don't define my nights. It's just a temporary blip on the roadmap of ongoing self-discovery... or as they say, glow up! So, I'll keep embracing the positives, cause doesn't each dawn bring a fresh start?? 😊 I'm determined not to let these night-time jitters run the show, y'know! Anyone else dealing with similar vibes wanna chime in with your thoughts or tips??! Sorry for all my emojis, I tried to clean up a bit but i always write with a lot of them!!! 😅

"I don’t know what I have left. I have put so much effort into making money, but I can't find a job that aligns with my study schedule where I live. I’ve suffered significant losses in the stock and money markets, and I feel I can no longer face my family with the reputation I once had. With every passing day, I feel like I am getting worse, falling from a position where I was always the best.

I feel like I have made my life incredibly hard, and the pain makes me want to give up. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror. I try to avoid talking to people as much as possible because I’m afraid they might catch a hint of how difficult my life has become. I feel as though I have nothing left to offer."

hey, so I'm having one of those days, you know? where you look in the mirror and all you see is this girl who doesn't fit the narrative of what society hypes up as beautiful. at 17, I'm surrounded by these friends who are all rocking that super skinny look. like, they've got that model-thin vibe going on without even trying, and here I am... compared to them, I feel so… blah, "chubby." it's not like I'm clinically overweight or anything, but every time I catch a glimpse of myself next to them, an alarm goes off in my head that screams, “why do I feel so fat???” it's like, no matter how many times folks tell me I look fine, my brain just won't listen. do you ever feel like this, or is it just me???

seriously though, I don't get how they're all running on caffeine and smiles. it's as if they have some secret society meetings where they hand out metabolism boosters like candy (wouldn't that be something, huh?). we all go out for coffee after school, and when they're ordering their non-fat, no-foam, whipped cream-makes-me-gain-five-pounds drinks, I'm right there with them just doing my thing. but when I get that delicious caramel macchiato, I can't help but feel guilty and a little self-conscious. does anyone else feel like every calorie you consume somehow gets added to your mental "shame tally"? or am I just overthinking everything???

and then, there are those oh-so-wonderful clothing store trips. it's like my closest friends can grab anything off the rack and it fits them like it's tailored... meanwhile, I'm over here struggling to find the right size that doesn't make me feel like a stuffed sausage. ugh! and we all know those dressing rooms aren't forgiving under those horrible, fluorescent lights. every time I go through this, I can't shake that judgy feeling, like the mirror is laughing at me behind my back. don't get me wrong, I know not everyone cares about size like it's a do-or-die situation, but in that moment, it can be all-consuming. sometimes, I just want to scream, "can I get a freaking break, please?!"

in my more rational moments, I completely get that beauty is subjective and everyone's body is unique, blah, blah, blah... but it's hard to remember when society and media reinforce this narrow standard of what it means to be “slim and perfect.” there's this insane pressure for the perfect body and although I've got a pretty healthy relationship with food (most of the time), I still get swept up in that body comparison storm. I've even had a few older, wiser folks telling me how things get better and that self-confidence comes with age. well, I'll be honest, I hope they're right 'cause feeling like the odd one out is exhausting. but for now, I'm just left wondering: why do I feel the way I do???

Hey, I just want to talk about it because it really makes me upset at myself. Usually, there is one character who is quiet, depressive, and suicidal by default (I'm not judging- because that's me) I started feeling this way since kindergarten because wow, my family is- words cannot describe. Here's a list of the bad things I've experienced in my life: Abusive father? Yes. Rejected by my parents? Yes. Never appreciated? Yes. Humiliated in front of many people? Yes, s3xual abus3? Yes—both verbal and non-verbal, ik it's terrible but I'm chill w it rn... the first child who HAD to keep giving in? Yes, divorce parents drama? Yes, inheritance war between siblings? Oh yasss, and worst of all, I was born a girl in a patriarchal family (this is the worst). And what can a little kid do in a situation like that? Yep, become an adult with kids body. But ik all those problems faded away over time, I had a high school romance story like something out of a manga (had to mention it hehe) so even though my family felt like crushed me every second. I still had best friends (they're angels for me), and I felt like there was at least a drop of something that made me want to live. Now, I have a pretty good life, even though the trauma is still there. I can socialize, I have many friends, I can laugh more freely (kinda want to brag). But there’s one thing—my suicid4l thoughts won’t go away, they’re still there. Even if my day is filled with smiles, the voice telling me to di3 is still there. Maybe as a human being, I just want to live in the end. But my desire to di3 is still there. Tbh, I want to live. The thought irritated me so much, maybe you guys have some advice?

I literally just want to like starve myself and throw up whatever I eat and then starve myself some more if only I could just be skinny. please someone tell me how to induce vomiting, tell me how to not be hungry anymore. God I'm so fat. fucking kill me if I cant be skinny.

Hey guys, I'm a 14 y/o girl, and uh, as the title says, I have acne. And to those who have it or have had it, please read this.

I'm no confident kid, I'm the opposite. Apparently, acne never goes away! I've heard people say "They tell you it goes away at 18, but it's still there!" I'll get them forever unless I take Accutane. I may apply Niacinamide, but even then, it's gonna come back, it has come back. Accutane is long-term. But yeah, I can picture Caesar laughing at him even more if Joseph had braces. And my Niacinamide isn't working, and I really gotta stop snacking I may drink 1 cup of warm milk mixed with chocolate powder (I mix in 2 spoons), 2 biscuits, 2 Prosciutto and 2 dates, but it's gluttony and bad for skin! Why do I even put 2!? I've got a blood test positive for dust and cat danger allergy, but what if dietary choices where I snack every 6pm affect me negatively? Your skin is the largest organ after all. ACNE. Apparently sugar causes acne, and look at the sugar in my snack. Who even eats what I eat as a snack? Big-back material, I tell you. Not even niacinamide is working for me. I thought it was a big acne remover. The worst part is, acne never goes away unless you take Accutane or oral meds. It's what YouTubers say.

The worst part is, I have eczema and acne. How do I fix myself with 2 bad diseases? One shows I'm dry as a desert, the other proves I'm oily enough to fry an egg with it replaces olive oil. Acne is bad. Acne destroys confidence. Acne ruins lives. Acne makes me ugly. Acne makes everyone ugly. Everyone I know has clear skin, in my class, most people are clear-skinned. Look at them! My dad has scars because he accidentally shaved them off as a teen, and yet somehow he's fine. Eczema means my immune system is bad, and that if it dares over-panic once for something, it could be dangerous. I already have new dust and cat dander allergy for 2 years now, so I'm gonna get asthma like my grandma. I mean, I see Whispers of people saying how much they hate it. Plus, YouTube videos say that acne never goes away. One dude tried all topical stuff, and it didn't work. He still has them at 19! I'll never be safe! That Accutane's starting to look real good, and Dupixent, too. My acne may be pustular, and whiteheads but it could get worse. And my eczema may be itchy only, and doesn't make me have difficulty sleeping or focusing, but it could get worse. Then what's the point? My current serums aren't working. My eczema only cleared due to Niacinamide! That's the wrong thing I wanted to fix!

I don't fit anywhere. It won't reduce. That's impossible. There's no way it'll reduce. It'll come back, maybe worse. Nobody's perfect. The body problems will come back. And because nothing's perfect, why even try? It'll always get worse. I must utilize the time, that is less, to be pretty and loved. Plus, imagine me next to a friend who most likely won't have it. Like, who has the atopic dermatitis eczema? Amanda Seyfried only has perioral eczema, it only comes on her mouth. Mine is all over! Biologics barely have side-effects. Even babies get it. It's just a stupid needle in my stomach to cure my fundamental body flaw! I've had it since 3, but still. It counts. The only cure is biologics, which for some reason, my parents won't let me get a plan on. I got a blood test and my main allergies were dust and cat dander, which for cats I managed to not touch and dust I avoided most spots. Doesn't Accutane and Biologics fix everything? Isn't eczema a bad thing, anyways? It's a chronic disease. It means I have health issues. I'm not healthy. Again, acne is bad. It means there's an underlying health issue. If a woman has cystic ones, especially paired with facial hair and painful periods or no periods without birth control, it's PCOS. I may not have PCOS, I show no such symptoms, but still, at this age, it counts as an issue. A health issue. Acne means lack of health.

Can Accutane be the cure? It seems to be the most popular option. Can acne persist into adulthood anyways? It's what every video says on YouTube. All the Pinterest Whispers girls are right, they also hate their noses, they also want clean skin, and they also think when they become 18 they'll get a nose job. I got my mom's straight long nose bridge, and not the cool inward button nose. Even girls on there say the "clean diet" of shrimp, rice and asparagus. What if my foods cooked by my mom and maid aren't clean? What if my sugary snack for every evening ritual is causing me acne!? I should cut it out! You don't eat unhealthy foods! And acne is bad because it's ugly, it ruins self-esteem and according to Google, "it can be highly harmful to emotional well-being and, if severe or untreated, cause permanent physical scars. It frequently causes low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and significant emotional distress. Physically, it can lead to pain, itching, or, in severe cases, permanent atrophic (indented) or hypertrophic (raised) scarring." I'm not cute, I'm ugly. Those who say it's cute are either delusional, never had it before or have some sort of ugly fetish. F--k off!

Seriously? What did I do wrong? Why aren't I getting Accutane or Dupixent, yet? They're the miracle cure!

i got 1A and 4Bs in my IGCSE exam. at the time i was 12 (16 is the normal age), dropped out of school into a completely new system (caie) and gave the exams in 6 months without tuition or school. it was a really big jump, i was lonely and dumb, i’ll give myself some leeway there. i admit i studied lazily in the first half (3 exams), but in the second half(2 exams after 3 months) i really tried HARD. i really did, i swear. i mean i wasn’t the best in my previous school, but i still ALWAYS got 2nd or 3rd place which had to be something, right? even if i still wasn’t good enough for 1st, i was still good. but now, i’m just… bad. my siblings always got 1st place in school and got all A* in IGCSE (one of them was even 14-15 at the time). money was tight, so my parents and i thought i could be able to do it too. spoiler alert, i just disappointed them. i mean, i could retake but i doubt I’d even get better results and i just dont want to go through that shit again. i tried my hardest, i really did. i wish i could turn back time and fix everything. i can’t look anyone in the face anymore, or even myself. i’m such a fucking pathetic retarded dumb stupid ugly fat pig friendless loser who couldn’t do the one thing her family expected of her. if news does get out to my other relatives, i dont even know what i’d do. worst, my parents were nice about it and comforted me. i know they are lying, and they don’t even hide it, when another person has similar results to mine, they call him stupid. i dont how to live with these grades anymore. i cant even bring myself to study for A levels, all ive been doing is bedrotting for 4 months. today i was asked by my brother, “what did you get A* in?” and then i was reminded im such a fucking loser. i wanted to get in a uni with a scholarship, but now thats completely out of the question and i doubt id even get in a good uni even if i got straight A* in A levels. I’m good at nothing, this was the only thing i could atleast say smth about but now its been taken away from me. i was a coward because my religion doesnt allow me to kill myself, but honestly, i would rather live in fucking burning hell than wake up everyday in this fucking body.

I remembered a while back in the beginning of sophomore year, before I spiraled out of control into depression, self-harm, and seeking validation from old men online. I talked to my friend about my attraction to our school vice principal. I was a bit crude so it sounded like a joke. But my question was “why am i attracted to him when i know that if he ever showed any real interest towards me, id be terrified? call the police, if not, cry.”

I had made this observation and i was confused about my feelings. I now know its because i was hypersexual from past trauma, making me feel that way. But then i didnt know hypersexual was a thing that existed.

It was played off as a joke. He said something like “dude i thought you were about to tell me you were gonna kys or something and you go and say some stupid shit like this.”

I laughed it off as a joke too, but i feel like that was the start of my slow descent into mental illness. I was identifying it early and had it been taken seriously, i feel i could’ve avoided all the problems it brought with it.

I keep rehearsing the line in my head, like it is a script, but my mouth stays closed when I sit on her couch. I am very polite. I say “yes ma’am” and “thank you.” I talk about sleep hygiene and stressors and coping skills, like I am trying to sound clinical for the session notes. The real sentence is that I have suicidal thoughts. No plan. No date. Just the thoughts, like pop ups, and it scares me. I do not say it because I picture her switching from calm therapist mode to risk assessment mode, and then confidentiality turns into a rule book. She knows my parents. They pay. My brain keeps yelling she will call them and say I am unsafe. I know there is duty to protect, imminent risk, mandated reporting, all that stuff, but it feels like a trap door under the carpet. I imagine a cascade: she documents it, asks about means, does a lethality screen, makes a safety plan, asks for consent to involve family, and if I freeze she escalates to crisis protocol. Then my mom crying, my dad going quiet, and me getting treated like a problem to be managed. I keep thinking, what if I say it wrong, what if “I don’t want to be here” sounds like “I will do it tonight.” What if I get sent to a hospital because I used the wrong words. I try to stay objective, like I am reporting symptoms, but my hands sweat and I talk about homework instead. Do you also do that thing where you translate your pain into acceptable bullet points so nobody panics;

Last session she asked what I am avoiding, very gently, and I gave the most boring answer possible. Later at home I tried to be logical. Therapists do not want drama, they want risk management and client stability, and they usually follow a decision tree. If there is no plan, no intent, and you can agree to a safety plan, the standard of care is often outpatient. That is what I repeat to myself because it helps. I can picture a version where I say, “I have suicidal ideation, passive and recurring,” and she nods like it is a normal data point. She might do a brief suicide risk formulation, ask about protective factors, and build a coping toolbox with me. She might suggest a psychiatric consult. She might ask me to reduce access to anything risky, and ask if I have one trusted adult, and that part could be my choice. If someone is in immediate danger, calling local emergency services is the right move. I still fear the parent phone call, yes, but I also notice hiding it is its own risk. When I keep it secret, the thoughts get louder, like they win by default. Also, I do want a future, even if it is small, like just finishing a week and eating breakfast. When I imagine saying it out loud, it feels like turning a light on in a messy room. Not clean, just visible. And visibility is kind of the first intervention. I am not saying it becomes easy. I am saying it can become more manageable, and a treatment plan is a real thing, not a moral failing. Next time I think I will ask her, politely, what her confidentiality limits are with parents, in plain words, before I disclose details. If you were in my chair, would you rather keep guessing, or would you rather know the protocol and build a plan that keeps you here for the next day, and the next?

lately after valentines day, a month after my bf broke up with me, i've been feeling more suicidal. i already relapsed on cutting myself 2 times. just 2. i used to be addicted to cutting myself. that burning sensation i get on my skin, that feeling of satisfaction of im getting what i deserve, or that weird feeling of comfort i get out of cutting myself. its like a sick twisted way of me re-assuring everything is real. Whether i like it or not. For context of my breakup, i helped my friend with his past relationship, whre his ex cheated on him. i started to like, i confessed. we agreed to date, then he broke up with me 3 days later cause hes scared and lost feelings for me already. he also said he only agreed to date me bc he thought i would be depressed if irejected him but to be honest, him breaking up with me and getting my hopes up like that got me more depressed. i would have been ok with rejection. its fine. but him getting my hopes up like that? it hurts more than anything. i kinda hate myself for being stupid enough to confess. hes also still not over his toxic ex. it hurts. alot. it makes me wanna cry so bad.

TW: talk of suicide and sh

I have felt suicidal since I was 7 years old, im now nearly 15 and am just done, ppl keep telling me to kms and its getting to my head .