Health and Wellness Failures Stories - page 4

I am sick, and it's so annoying. It's "just" the flu, so of course it's not so bad when you think about others that have it way worse, but I just don't have time to be sick. I can't miss school (like I'm genuinely not allowed to miss more school, I've been sick so much this year), I can't miss practice because we have some tests coming up that will partially determine if I make the big teams this season (very vague, point is that these tests are important) and it's also just really fucking annoying to be sick.

Also, since it's not like a headache-type situation that goes away in a day, it's the flu or something like it. My head, body and joints ache, my nose is running, I'm feverish on/off and I'm coughing and sneezing all the time. And I know I'm gonna feel like this for at least a week because I always do when I get sick like this. But it's not just now I'm getting sick - I got a cold a week or so before Christmas and I swear I haven't been completely fresh since. And yes, I took time off from everything back then, but I just never freaking get over it. And it happens every year; I get sick in November/December and don't completely recover until like March, and in that whole time period it comes back periodically almost like once a month.

Anyways, I'm pretty fkn annoyed by it because now I can't get anything done for the next week because my body aches even just lying still, and once again I don't improve at all in the winter season. And yes, I've called my doctor but they said something along the likes of "oh you have the flu? Like you do every year where you can't get over it? Sounds tough, deal with it"

i am soo tired. i just want to sleep and never wake up. i dont want to live but whenever i think to end myself i remember how i promised my siblings we would try new food together or watch a series/movies together or what if i just tell my parents how i feel , will they react good or bad maybe if its good i can or will be able to leave these thoughts behind but if not then i am afraid i might just do it . i dont want my parents to spend anymore more of there hard earned money on me , they already wasted so much money on me and its useless if its on me i am not even talented , smart , pretty or anything my siblings have sooo much more potential maybe i should have never been born so that i would not have troubled my parents my family so much , thanks for listening/reading , hope you have a great life.

My journey all started when I got knee surgery for my meniscus tear. In this story my empire was destroyed only to be rebuilt with unstable ruble.

I was an active person before my injury working out 14 hours a week and eating a well balanced diet, I got at least 8 or more hours of sleep each night. I also had all A’s in my classes and a wonderful group of friends. Overall my life was stable and perfect in all aspects. When I tore my meniscus and got the surgery I was still resilient and hopeful for a couple months after. I went to physical therapy every week and was progressing more than the average person would. It wasn’t until March that the downers of life started catching up to me. I was starting to get burnt out from school since I had to make up for the weeks I was recovering. I also felt more depressed. At the end of the school year things really lightened up. I got on an antidepressant called sertraline, However I never took the medication because I had the idea that it would mess with me. Day after day I skipped my medication and it finally became summer break. And not even a week into summer break I just broke down. Apparently my mind was on its last stilt and just fell and all the stress came crashing down with it. I started having symptoms like mood swings and suicidal thoughts. So my psychiatrist put me on abilify to stabilize my mood because it switched often. My mood swings were from crying to feeling like I was the coolest person on the planet, this would happen a couple times a day. I soon had my first visit to a mental hospitable due to suicidal actions. Once I finished my stay my psychiatrist took me off sertraline and put me on cymbalta. I actually took cymbalta, however another symptom showed up and I started to have extreme anxiety at the start of July. Everything seemed like they were trying to keep me in this dream called life and the only way I could end it was by killing myself. I also started to take substances like nutmeg and LSA. I felt really unstable in life. I then started a php program that was short lived before going to the mental hospital for my second stay. At the mental hospital I started prazosin and trazodone. I was also diagnosed with derealization and depersonalization By August things started to get better but I started to notice I couldn’t control my actions and impulses as well anymore, I didn’t feel like I was my usual stable self anymore. In an attempt to get a thrill and escape I took a plant called Datura on five different occasions. The drug put me into a place of delirium that felt confusing yet safe. Soon my parents found out and stopped me from taking it again. I was still struggling till the middle of September. I took 62 pills of benadryl to get the same delirium I had on Datura. I continued taking benadryl till my parents noticed my pupils dilated. Then the next day they sent me to the mental hospital again. When I got out I continued life, still struggling. I also seemed to gain 90 pounds in three months. My psychiatrist was at the point where they were about to diagnose me with Borderline personality disorder. However me and my family decided to send me to a residential school in California before anything could happen and take off the school semester. At the residential we found out that I had Hypothyroidism and was put on lamictal and thyroxine. After staying at the residence for 2 months I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. When I got home I was put into a php where at some point I ended up eating a benadryl ointment cream as a last resort to get that delirium. The next day it was found out cause I was acting weird. Thankfully they didn’t send me to the mental hospital. I soon finished php and moved on to Iop. This was the time school started. In the first week of school I decided to drink 300mg of caffeine a night to see what happens and then decided to not sleep for three days due to nightmares. At this point I was starting to go into a psychosis believing I was meant to be schizophrenic in my next life so I should kill myself. The world also started to glitch and I felt Euphoric as hell. However, I decided to sleep on Thursday to Saturday and then decided to try staying up for 5 days on Sunday. I am now finishing night two while writing this. All being said, I truly hate myself right now. My feelings for myself switch from feeling like I am superior to everyone to feeling like I am unlovable and I hate myself. I honestly hate my personality so much to the point I want to actually commit suicide. I don’t know if this is a personality disorder or if I am just actually stupid or crazy. I used to have this stable personality but now my personality is reckless and moody. If anybody relates to this please tell me because I don’t want to be alone in this. (I'm not necessarily looking for a diagnosis I am just looking for others experience similar to mine)

Growing up, I thought that I had ambition to pursue whatever it is that I wanted. I bought into the illusion that if I evolved into an educated person, I could succeed in whatever I do. That was when I thought all else was equal.

As I grew older, the more I learned about my place in the world. After I reached for my family's tax returns to file for college financial aid, I became almost obsessively aware of poor we were and how much I was so much different my peers at school. I did a good job of hiding it, but I was deeply insecure of how my background compared to other people. This shame carried onto my time in college, where I became reclusive because of my own comparison of myself with the people I met.

My family has never really went on a vacation; we own a house so small that my brother has to set his bed in the living room; our house freezes in the winter because of window drafts and high heating costs; I purposely stay on campus longer than I need to so that I don't have to feel cold at home; my dad has a gambling addiction. In elementary school, I stole books because books were too expensive to purchase; we don't celebrate my family members' birthdays or any major holidays because of the expenses.

Themore and more time goes by, I feel my self-confidence slipping as I compare myself with other people. It feels like my starting line is below sea level, and I'm drowning.

Hello. I just been wanting to get a lot of stuff of my chest lately. Not much people I can talk to about. Actually, none.

I envy a lot of people. People who have their life together, people who are able to express theirselves freely, people who are productive. People. I cant seem to be the best version of myself. How hard I try. To put it short, I am a lazy, priviliged, selfish person. I put a mask on to fit in society, maybe to feel properly loved. It seems even they dont want my mask. I wanna give up. Why is it so hard? Why is it so hard to fit in, to be myself, to bask in freedom? I know my cries are meaningless. Other people have it worse, anyway.

Life... Isnt the way I pictured it to be. I dont want to be this person anymore. Why should it be so hard? Why cant I be a better person? Im just a piece of trash on the sidewalk.

I don't know why I wanted two dog, put I got two dogs month apart. At first things were going perfectly. My family loved these new puppies.

But all went wrong when they first got canine Parvovirus. That few week was very hard for me, I was scared and blamed myself for being too selfish and spoiled. I could've just gotten one dog and take care of him, but I didn't end ended up making two innocent soul almost died.

But surprisingly they gone through this dangerous disease fine. They were healthy and perfect. But the pet hospital didn't vaccined them because they were coughing. And that's when things went really really downfall. They canine influenza month after getting healthy. Doctors said put them into sleep because there is no medical for this disease.

I'm writing this because I really don't know what to do. I want to give up, and put them in peace. But I can't because of my own selfishness. I love my two dog... I just want that first month when I had them first. And please if you been through this fucking disease is there any way of treating it. Or at least making the pain go away so I can be with my dogs little longer?

( sorry for the bad grammar and sentence development)

sorry to be serious and i've been having trouble articulating myself lately sorry for that too. (not a danger to myself or others)

I guess for a really long time I haven't been able to feel any emotions or like purpose or anything but it was always manageable until recently. idk why but lately it seems a lot worse...I don't know what's real or what isn't anymore, i think this is real but I can't tell any difference either way, I know rationally and reasonably I am alive and other people are too, but they don't seem real either. I think I am a ghost. even physical sensations (cold, hunger) don't give me any sensations at all. I can't seem to physically talk to anyone these days (like I can't even tell people thank you when they hold the door for me anymore) and moving and walking and breathing even is honestly excruciating. and I have tried all those things people say to do a million times (exercise, good sleep, good food, water, etc etc etc) and none of it makes any difference. I feel like i'm high out of my mind, wandering life aimlessly, but I haven't taken anything. I am beginning to think if I tried to touch another person my hand would pass right through their shoulder. i guess i'm sort of at a loss. I used to do things like sleep in my contact lenses or walk to class without a coat to feel things but that doesn't even work anymore.

i trudged through the heavy snow today to sit on a bench at the frozen pond. I don't know how long I sat there, but it was a long time, because my entire body was shaking bad when I finally decided I should probably go. I never seem to notice things like that these days. I thought about visiting the campus infirmary but what do I say is wrong with me? obviously something but not something that I can name, nor something that they can fix. I kept expecting someone to suddenly sit down next to me, I don't know who, anyone, and we wouldn't speak, we'd just sit there together and look at the falling snow. but they didn't, and even though I dragged my feet on the walk back to my dorm no one ever appeared. that's not their fault. no one is going to save me. I know that. but I sort of hoped maybe there would be a magic figure, a fairy godmother or a wizard coming to whisk me away to a magical school. there wasn't, and there's not going to be. but I feel like i'm really running out of options here.

My thoughts are all over the place and disorganized, so there's no way any of this is gonna be orderly and well thought out, I'm just going to throw my mind at the keyboard and send what comes out.

I'm terribly depressed, I always have been, there's been times where I'm at my lowest and I end up in a hospital, then there'll be times when things get better and I start to feel happy, but as life goes on I start to care about the good parts less and less and the bad parts become more and more unbearable.

I'm in one of those low parts now, and I just don't think I care enough to dig myself out again. The best part is that it's literally all my fault! I used to blame everything around me for all my sorrow and suffering, but I'm starting to realize that I'm the source of... All my own problems! My mother was a psychotic and abusive piece of dirt, and the rest of my family wasn't much better, I used to blame that for my depression. Money has always been a big issue, and I used to blame that. Every single friend I ever make ends up hating me and hurting me, before never talking to me again, I used to think that somehow, that wasn't my fault!

I have no friends now, I'm 21 and I've never had a girlfriend, I actually met a girl I really liked not too long ago and pretty much immediately, I found myself straight up telling her to block me because I'm a friggin psycho! So of course she did the smart thing and, ya know, did. I have coworkers and random people I know a little bit telling me I'm a great person, I'm cute, I'm funny, I'm great to be around, but I can tell that every time I do anything I mess it up. Any time I meet anyone, I make it worse. It's becoming so hard to care. I know I'm the problem, and there are so many things I could do to turn my life around, I have so many options! I really don't even have that bad of a life, it wouldn't be that difficult to turn everything around if I really tried, but I just can't find the energy to try! I know if I died, it would hurt some people, I have a brother, I have nieces and nephews, they would be sad, but I find that I can't even make myself care about their feelings any more either!

I could've been way more specific and detailed with some things, but that's the general idea, I push everybody away, I hate myself more than I hate anything else and refuse to let people close, I know for a fact I deserve to die, but every time I attempt to, I give up at the last second like the coward I am. If anyone reads this, they're probably going to give me advice, and tell me how I can try to make things better, but I don't even know why I'm making this at this point, because I know I'll disregard any actual friggin advice that I get!

So I'm just going to suffer, and I'm gonna keep putting on a happy little mask for everyone else, and I'm going to keep feeling alone and closed off, and I'm gonna keep up the pathetic victim mentality, and I'm gonna keep letting my life fall apart more and more, until there's nothing left of me! Because that's the only way I know how to live! Nobody can help, no therapy can help, no drugs can help, no amount of money and security can help, I'm the only one that can make me happy and I refuse to do so, because screw me I guess! I'm not allowed to be happy! Have a good day!

Im struggling, but they tell me it’s an excuse and im just lazy. Sure im lazy on terms but it’s more than that. They say they understand but they clearly don’t when i tell them why they just tell me im making up stuff. I suffer from Diagnosed ADHD and I haven’t been diagnosed for depression but im pretty sure I have it. I have no motivation to do anything anymore, well not anything but you know. A lot of the things I used to enjoy it takes effort to do. And I’m failing classes, but I don’t know how to explain it I just can’t find the motivation to do anything outside of school, including homework. I have to legit force myself to do homework. And then my parents pressure me by threatening to take my phone away, which, valid, but for me it’s my only safe place because I have a lot of friends on here who actually understand and know things that my parents don’t because they would accept me. I feel like crying everyday but there’s no tears that come out. I just wish my parents knew how my brain worked and what I was feeling even though I still don’t fully understand. I guess life really isn’t fair.

i don’t even think i can put into words how fucked i am, am i really doing this to myself? i want this to be fake and im just doing it for attention but for who? i dont tell anyone shit and when i do i just end up feeling like a burden, it’s just fucked having to tell someone you care so much about that you just want to go away forever, medications don’t make it any better , i’m now on the 4th antidepressant hoping it’ll work it’s been a couple weeks and nothing, this just makes me feeling like maybe i am faking maybe this all because some reason i don’t know yet, i don’t wanna do this anymore i want this to be fake , maybe im in a coma and ill wake up soon or something, it’s like and indescribable parasite is latched onto me sucking the life out of i feel like there’s a huge pit not in my chest but whole soul i feel like times is passing slower around me and i can’t even move sometimes , im just paralyzed with this cloud of despair, i can’t even cry how i want to, i just want some sort of release and to stop this hate i’ve had for myself all my life i just want to be someone else or to be outside of this body for just an hour or two just feel ok

I'm at the point in life where I don't really know what I want in my life anymore. I'm still in highschool, a senior to be in fact, I should have had my plan already ready by now but it's not.

I honestly didn't think I made it this far but here I am I guess.

Anyway, yeah. I don't know what I want in life anymore. I want to become a doctor or an engineer yet my family doesn't have enough money for either, plus they would have preferred if I had just focused on preaching. So my dream jobs are clearly out of the way.

I'd be an artist but that doesn't really get you anywhere does it? Especially with the rise of ai 'art' and so many better and more talented artists- it'll be nearly impossible to make a name and a living.

Writer? No. I used to love writting but now I have no passion for it as much as I used to. Plus my writting is mediocre, boring and plaid even.

Maybe a family women? No. I'm not exactly good enough to be a trophy wife or a housewife.

Religion? Well I don't know. I do love God. I really try to but the thing is that religion kinds destroyed my relationship with God. Does that make sense? I love God, I just don't like what some (or most) of his people had done to his name.

Suicide? I don't know. My religion has only ever taught me that death is death. Nothing happens. You don't go to an afterlife, or hell or heaven not you don't get reincarnated. You just go to a deep slumber.

And as much as that sounds good to me, it scares me.

So yes. There doesn't seem to be a path for me anymore. I guess to put it simply; I'm lost. Very very lost.

It isn't helping that graduation is coming up soon, that means my time to make a choice is limited.

To be honest, I really do just want to best for me and others. So I hope to whoever is up there to lead me to it

I've been told how to live a life. I've been told the steps on how to have a happy life. I've heard stories of success. After following directions for so many years, I just can't bare it anymore. The things that I've once found joy are now just things to pass time. I can't even complain about my situation to close friends as there's nothing wrong with my life. The only thing that's wrong is me.

I have a family that takes care of me, but that just hurts me more. While I'm in their eyes, I won't let myself die for them. I've told lies to keep them happy and what they want to hear so they don't have to worry. Recently they told me that they were worried for my future as I didn't do anything for awhile. They aren't wrong, I didn't do anything but I just can't bring myself to do anything. I know the things that I'm supposed to do. The expectations that I'm supposed to meet. The person that I should be. I know that they are trying to look out for me but sometimes I wish they would just forget about me. I never have an answer for them when they ask about what I want to do. I usually tell a lie and count the time.

I just want something to bring everything to an end. Something to remove my existence. Something to free me from my own hell. I can see my self-sabotage but that's all I have. To continue doing the same thing that I've done for the entirety of my life. The pain isn't something healthy but it's something. Some days I wish I was numb and to do everything like a machine. How easy things would be to not feel anything.

What would be the thoughts if this was seen on a TV show? Probably mild resentment... "How could you be sad if everything was handed to you?" or "How can you be sad if you got everything that you wanted?"

WARNING: It can be triggering for people with ED, I am not sure tho, sorry this is my first time venting to someone.

I am a 17yo and ever since I remember I hated myself and wanted to lose weight, I was one of the largest girls in class and all my friends were skinny and beautiful. Nobody has ever loved me, called me beautiful etc.. I have been trying to lose weigh since I was 10 I thinks, but I can't, idk why. I hate myself so much, I hate the feeling of my body, I want to cry when I feel my stomach while lying on the bed. I want to feel beautiful but I can't until I lose weight, but I can't lose weight and it's makes me so depressed everyday.

Trigger warning: Loss and suicidal thoughts.

Being a 29 year old male, I fucked up my life so far.

I had depression and aniexty from my adolescent years that's been with me to this day. My mental issues has stopped me from finishing my college education, dating and working for most of my adult life. At age 19 I dropped out of college and threw away my close friends to become a gaming recluse. My parents worried for my future but I just just wasted my days away, planning to end my life at age 25.

At 20 I started taking care of my grandma who watched me in my younger years. She was the only reason I stayed alive. I was paid by the state to care for her, so I spent the next 9 years of my life caring for her as I became a hermit. I was with her for 5 days of the week; taking her to appointments, bathing, cleaning, and just checking up with her often. She cared for me back by feeding me, hanging out watching movies, talked, and gave me a grandparents' love.

At age 25 I fought the urge to kill myself. I contemplated a long time if I should still carry out my plan. In the end, I decided not to because of my grandmother. Without me, she wouldn't have help to live her own life. Around this time I reconnected with my friends and life seemed better.

At age 26 I needed better Healthcare insurance, so I started working another job. I was prepared to fail, become a social outcast, and be judged for being a depressed mess. I was wrong. I was more capable than I though; I excelled at my tasks and spoke to both colleagues and clients reasonably well. Sure, I had awkward first interactions and conversations.. But it wasn't all the time.

At 27 I got into a car accident that gave me a concussion. I still suffer side effects from this injury to this day. I'm not as mentally fast, more forgetful, and can't intake information nor speech from others well. My life is still spiraling down from this; with some of the aforementioned effects worsening some days.

At 29 my grandma moved away to live with other family; my dad wanted his siblings to do their part as her kids and care for her too. She passed 3 months after moving away. 4 months after she passed I resigned from my job. My work stress, depression, and aniexty was at a all time high. I was unable to sleep, suffered from chest pains/eratic heartbeats from stress, couldn't socialize with others well, and was not getting any work done.

I regret this decision.

Sure, I feel mentally clear now, but having no income and not able to find a job is worsening my mental again. I tried trading futures recentl6 but I only lost money due to my impatience.

Nowadays, I don't want to wake up. I spend my days lazing around in bed as I apply for jobs, attempt trading but to only lose my meager savings, and try to think of reasons to live. My current reasons are for my family and friends.. I can't imagine what they'll go through if I ever commit.

I hope to find a job by January; that's when my funds will be dried up. Until then, I'll try to start back a routine and care for my physical health again. Maybe I'll try running again.

Thank you for reading.. Oh, and if this story was on TV, would you watch it? Do you think the main character will enjoy life again and find a job? I hope he does, I don't want this story to end soon.

I just needed a place to rant this out without the other side being a loved one or friend….I’m not well, I go to therapy twice a week at this point and the more I’m aware of how my mind works, what makes me tic, the more my thoughts race and I close off from loved ones. My history with relationships hasn’t been a great one, littered with bad endings and abusive partners…it’s like I’m a magnet for negative energy. I’m trying to heal but with my recent finding of I’m going threw PMDD (just putting a name to the mental hell I was already going threw) I feel hyper away of my thoughts and my emotional spirals and I can’t help to think my loved ones lie to me when they say I’m not a burden and it’s ok….im sure they’d drop me for someone more stable who involved less work…so I sit here and cry thinking it would just be easer to be in another abusive relationship so I wouldn’t worry about being a burden…that it was just the treatment my broken mind deserved and I could forever just live in this chaos I seem to feel calm in vs being always unsettled in the tamed relaxed environment I’m finding in my recent relationships….its just easer to be used then loved is how my brain takes it…what would you do if your mind just wanted to relax in the arms of the ones who abused you?