Health and Wellness Failures Stories - page 4

Sabotage eh? Was planned all along? Don't complain if my work is wrong what I was taught wrong all along?

I express that I feel tearful. Why is there no efficient psychotherapy service in my country? I feel extremely hurt. Friends, it's impossible that not a single one of the psychotherapists I turned to was able to help me with my problems; instead, I had to do everything on my own. The very symptoms I was carrying kept returning, and no one cared. These enormous individuals, narcissists, con artists, weren't concerned about doing their job. There's nothing more unpleasant than going to a professional and having them come up with a series of inefficiencies, make you believe they're correct, have the good fortune to prolong therapy as long as they want, and on top of that, offer you a return.

It's horrible to feel that none of those therapists were concerned about doing their job, none. In fact, I ended up using one of these individuals to get them to say I'm fine and thus get rid of the people who were on my nerves, insisting that I was unstable or something like that. How is it possible that this therapist didn't realize I was more focused on using it for that than anything else? It was all based on a sad complacency: completing psychotherapy so they'd leave me alone. On top of that, the surrounding psychotherapists were determined to keep me in therapy, which felt, as you can see from my previous words, like a prison I couldn't escape. I had to find excuses to get out of the psychotherapies I was undergoing, which weren't simple, but precise. It's horrible to feel that something that should be healing turns out to be exactly the opposite, in some ways, and not transparent at all. And in this spirit, the psychotherapists, at least in my country, dared to express that I should go to one. This outrages me and made me feel like I was facing a group that only sought to maintain a position of power over me, even at the expense of my health. It's appalling, and it's something that others supported, especially my father, who is a doctor and who sought such status.

It's incredible, in general terms, how the health sector has based its discourse no longer on being a health producer but, quite the opposite, on an entity that simply seeks social dominance. How can we not think that these entities serve an international entity that could very well serve others? My father insisted that I give in to therapy at all costs. In other words, even in this environment I'm in, they cared about the conditions I was in and how well they were leading me to define myself as a patient as something else. It's like feeling the environment pressuring me to go to psychotherapy, and at the same time, the therapist forcing me to go, against my will, inducing changes that don't favor my development. For me, these psychotherapies became simple conversion therapies, simply a way to be submissive to the environment. Perhaps this issue, from what I'm seeing, isn't as unusual as I thought. This makes me understand why cinema is killing off psychotherapists these days, and because it's international in scope, this problem is going beyond the borders of my country.

How disappointing to be told about a service that can help you with your problems, and it's, in fact, urgent, and you find yourself facing this. The worst part of the situation is that psychotherapists and those around you accuse you, for appearing frustrated, of not being cooperative with the process, that is, of not showing yourself as they think you should. So, what's happening to them? Does the patient have to meet expectations of what's expected from the therapeutic work or be a product of the therapeutic work? Frankly, I think it's the latter. It's incredible how far such a delicate process has been taken, such as assessment, perhaps more so than surgery. I'm truly shocked. The most horrible thing is that no one talks about this at all, although I've seen some insights into it, but the problem is that it's not done in my country. This guild is being blindly admired, like many other guilds, which implies or only encourages abuse by professionals, which is in effect an attitude completely unprofessional. I can only say that my country, under these conditions and assuming there is no support, is going to go bankrupt, but by the professionals themselves, the issue no longer even being about political conditions, and it makes me feel fearful of my stay on this earth.

It's incredible, but instead of being scared of the government, I'm scared precisely for those who are not the government. I have often observed that the population uses this entity as an excuse to escape their responsibilities, pointing to their own impulsiveness turned into reality in entities that belong to the government. At this point, it makes one wonder if it's really worthwhile to study the government, when in reality should be about the people themselves. It's said that the government provides insecurity, however, I see that the entities that produce it are the population itself, and in the form of opaque crime, since professional abuse is one form of it. It's impressive how far we've come in my country, as a people, these days. This is definitely not what I expected to find when I left my family. It's practically becoming the same constitution as theirs, that is, a defense of the roles obtained through hard work and the consequent ability to achieve a leading discourse through words specific to the domain. With professionals, this is translating into a simply leading discourse and the use of certain technical terms, and this is what the people are defending, without questioning it, which marks it as inactive.

It's appalling that this has happened to psychotherapists, who are the primary ones who should exercise essential caution with every word dictated, without exception, because every word counts. This, in turn, requires constant review of the work done, given the consequences each practice leaves behind, something I, in fact, never experienced with any of the psychotherapists. My country is becoming a place where, as a result of the great instability that leads to a desperate search for solutions, there are leaders who seek to dominate people within a certain realm, thus achieving, as with my family, an absolute disrespect for the independent spirit, descending into their denigration in such realms regarding what leads to such a modus operandi, always seeking a suggestion. Indeed, in the environment I live in, identity integrity is a superficial element and worthy of being changed by the environment, according to the circumstances. I never imagined things were this serious.

Indeed, if I mention anything like this to those around me, they won't pay attention to a single word I say. They'll pick up on it, but it will be as if I'd never said anything, just like what happened in my family. I can now understand why I've navigated this situation with great astuteness, something that has certainly not been the case for many people in my country. It's ironic, but having ties to a wounded, hegemonic family has its advantages when it comes to experiencing conditions of instability—of course, when you begin to visualize the elements that constituted it.

This is more like a health question/vent. This is more on the sickness bit and not my age. Anyways, I suffer eczema and have cat allergies that came recently at 13. I had eczema since I was 2, and it has been bumming me out more at 13. The reason is because I always see folks like models with such glossy and pretty skin, with no acne, and while cutting cashew nuts did get rid of my acne (which is good). This is stuff like, where, I feel bad that I have eczema. I now hate even more how my skin flakes, how it makes me feel old, how it makes my lips look whitish pink than the regular lip pink, and how much it looks bad and spooks my dad even when he's seen it for years, and it sucks. I'm 13, and I know insecurity is what I should be feeling at this age about my appearance, but I just wish I was better than this since most girls in my class have clear skin.

And then I got a random cat allergy when I was in Malaysia when I rubbed a chubby cat, and then I rubbed my eye and it swelled so much. And then at my relative's house the same happened but not as bad. Now I fear I may get asthma because eczema, allergies and asthma are all part of the atopic triad. My maternal grandma has it, she's 64, and somehow I don't see her much with an inhaler and she's more chill with cats but her leg skin is dry af. I fear dermatologists because my paternal grandpa was both a dermatologist and anesthesiologist back in the 70s, and the pressures made him so rude and angry to patients, his family, senior doctors, and his own siblings too.

And I'm scared if I will get judged for my skin, for how gross and flaky and ugly it is. By the doctors. And I'm afraid if I'll never live like a regular human again if I ever get diagnosed with asthma.

I sometimes just wanna desperately eat all the sweet, sugary junk food I can if I ever will, just because if at least I die from asthma, at least it's sugary and sweet, like a cute filter with bears and puppies.

I feel I can never own a fluffy animal like a cat because of allergies and no cat is truly hypoallergenic, and lizards, frogs, fishes and snakes feel so emotionally distant they'll only see me as their food giver and not their parent who wants to love them but can't because they lack that emotional bit

Just, anyone with asthma or eczema wanna tell me what dermatologist visits are like (last time I went I was 2 and I can't remember), how you guys manage, what it was like when you got diagnosed, and I just wanna know if you can ever own a fluffy animal like a cat without wheezing or swelling.

I'm not even shocked at this point hahahah they've done that to me before years before they gonna do it again right now lol 😂

This is not for minors I dunno don't read if you can't, be safe. This is going to be about sexual stuff. This is going to include topics like SA! and other disturbing shit. I don't know if the story really fits the category but i couldn't find a better one. It's going to be long, so yall can skip it I don't mind. This also may be nonsensical because i cant write.

So starting off I'm very, very messed up. Im scared to talk about this even to a therapist and I will understand if you tell me im disgusting and horrible. Heres me trying to explain how I got to this point.

The first time i heard about sex was when i was in kindergarten. I don't remember much but I remember one of my friends walked in on her parents and was telling us about it. I was very confused about what was happening because I'd never heard of it. I don't think i was even given the warning to tell my parents if someone touched me. But that doesn't really matter.

So fast forward like a few years i was at the end of kindergarten like the late years. I hadn't started school yet. My mom during summer would leave me and my sister's at my grandma's for a week and our cousins would come and visit us. My cousin was only a year older than me and I would play with dolls with her. Only the games would be really messed up. She would act out scenarios where the guy was like 20-30 years old and the girl was like 12- 18 at most. In short the stories would normally go like this. The guy kidnaps her, locks her up, r@pes her multiple times and she falls in love with him. Of course at that age i didn't know how messed up it was i didn't even know what was sex and when I asked she gave me a very fuxked up explanation. We were both kids. I was scared my mom would be mad if I told her what we played so I never did.

Now again skipping a few years I'm in school. The boys in my class are even in 1st grade finding porn sites and other shit like that. I still was mostly confused and didn't interact with any of it. Until one day when i was like 12 or 11 or something. My friend invited me over to her house. And she told me: I will show you something but you can't tell anyone. She shows me corn sites... And not even the normal ones like hardcore bdsm shit. And of course like the little stupid kid I was like I got hooked. I have ADHD that might be part of it. At that time I freshly got my first phone that had internet. I immediately got hooked. But my mom caught me. And then we had a sit down talk about what is sex and how it actually works.

And that might've worked if i already wasn't so messed up. I was still watching but i got better at hiding it.

A little while later I joined a fandom. It was fine and cool but the fandom had really gross shipping culture and I stumbled upon it and again got way too into it. First i just found fan content on tik tok. Then it was Fanart then Wattpad and then finally the beast AO3. Even though until this point I had already been seeing some weird shit. AO3 was the thing that took it off the rail. The sorting system on the site is pretty hard for beginners and I started to read some very disturbing and disgusting stuff. I think I got addicted both to mastu*bating and to corn.

And here i am now.

I'm addicted to the shit. I hate myself. Whatever you think I've read I can assure you I've read worse. The thing is I don't normally consume that shit. I feel disgusted when i see it. But when I'm excited it's like my brain turns off and i am ready to see the most disgusting stuff and every time I need something more. And after post nut clarity hits i want to kill myself. And like you may say bdsm thats a normal kink DW. But its not. The shit I read contains noncon sometimes gore and even worse stuff. I'm not actually attracted to any of it. At least I hope so.

Okay that's it. I understand if no-one reads this. And I completely understand that if you do you call me disgusting. I am. I know. I wish it was different. I wish I could just wipe my mind clean. But i cant.

Okay bye have nice day if you read this and even if you didn't.

Yours truly, Most fucked up girl in the world.

my head hurts, I'm dizzy, I can barely breathe. I don't think I'll be able to stomach food, and I can barely swallow the special water my mom gives me every day. I draw a lot, but today the only thing I was able to draw today was Jason Voorhees because of the mask. I feel weak. Mentally and physically. Only 8 days into high school and it's already taking its toll.

Do you hear it, Bowie? The ringing. You've always been here. You can't leave.

I’m becoming a junior in high school soon and Im recovering from a suicide attempt. So my mom is pretty strict and especially with grades so she kept a close eye on my grades growing up and I already had excellent grades because I wanted to impress her, my world basically revolves around my mom since my dad isn’t present in my life because he had gotten married to another woman when my parents split. I kept my grades steady and I made sure to ace every test and do extra credit so my mom could praise me, she bragged about me to the rest of my family and it felt good. It wasn’t until I started high school she began to pressure me more, I didn’t have a lot of friends because I studied during breaks and lunches for upcoming tests. I had also joined clubs and a sport in my freshman year, it made me tired but I wanted to hear my mom say that I did so amazing and I’m so smart. In my sophomore year is when I felt like I began to have a hard time because I felt so isolated from the other students having fun but all I could think about is my mom. And when one of my grades dropped to a letter down in my classes my mom saw and got really mad at me at home she lectured that B’s will get me nowhere in life, I’m acting lazy like my dad and she didn’t give birth to failures. And I just cried and said I’ll do better next time and my mom just said “One of these days you won’t get to have a next time.” And after that day she took my phone and laptop away to help me focus better but she had also started to talk down at me even when i wasn’t doing anything and complain loudly in the house enough so I can hear and feel guilty. I’m not close with anyone in our family either so I couldn’t tell anyone about this. Teachers praised me but I wasn’t comfortable enough, I didn’t know how to cope so I resulted in harming myself for some dumb mistake I did in a test. I don’t want to get into too much detail about how I attempted but all I could think about is when I woke up in the hospital bed with my mom crying next to me asking why I did that and why i didn’t tell her. I just wanted her to hug me and tell me it’s okay. But I’m in therapy now I still love my mom and I’m grateful for her taking care of me playing both parts as a single parent and I’m okay, a little numb because it felt surreal that I did that.

What do you think about "social media detox"?

It's good?

It's bad?

I'm happy and stable but I think that I need to focus on more important things than spending time on social media

Everytime someone is trying to fix something it always comes out the worst but it's fine it is what it is lol

I'm on my journey to lose weight and I'm looking for an easy and always a healthy way to lose weight.

Thanks for the advices, xoxo

Recently, I've realized that when something goes wrong or I make a mistake, I get so frustrated that I make the situation even worse—worse than anyone can imagine. In that moment, I'm uncontrollably passionate in my rage to make it worse, without thinking of the consequences.

​I know this is a devastating fact, but right now, I don't know what to do. I'm in a full-blown rage at myself because of a mistake I made. I'm consumed by how I could have made that mistake. I want to punish myself terribly. I'm burning with anger at myself, wondering how in the world I could have made such a mistake

idk. I just feel kind of, no not kind of, very alone. I have a friend in one of my classes. I have lunch with two of my "friends," but one won't talk to me and the two of them are dating. I guess I can talk to my cousin at lunch, but he isn't in any of my classes. Kanna is a senior, I could only possibly see her during MB, but even then she's in colourguard and I don't see her. I haven't seen Barley all day, nor have I seen Ella.

That's not all that's going on. I enjoy writing stories, but I have an upsetting lack of inspiration at the moment. It effects my music writing too. Those two things are the only things I'm really good at, and if I'm bad at the only thing I'm good at... well, think Caine from TADC Episode 3, when Zooble told him his adventures sucked.

I just can't help but wonder: What happened? To me, mostly. When did I become... this? When did I become such an asshole to everyone? when did I get so bad at making and keeping friends? What happened to me? Why don't I change like everyone else? Why am I not pretty like everyone else? why am I so lonely, when everyone else has someone to talk to? I value all my connections and friendships, but what if there's no connections or friendships left for me to value? Why am I never enough, no matter how hard I try? I told myself this year that, if I were pretty, people would finally like me. So I got new makeup, I changed my clothes, got a new haircut but still I'm hated. Still no one talks to me. What's even the point of trying?

(dont mind my terrible spelling)

My inner void

By: Samuel Ison

And then i fall. and fall. and fall. and fall. and fall. death isnt what i thought it would be. my life isnt falshing before my eyes. im not crying. im not angry that this is how it ends. th whole world is burning around me. we fucked up the whole world. for once i dont feel what i used to feel. i dont feel angry at myself. i dont feel gultiy about things i couldnt change. for the first time im not wondering about what death feels like. im not wondering anything. im not wondering why im falling for so long. i dont know what this feeling is. falling. forever. it feels nice. death isnt what i thought it would be. I dont see 'the light'. i dont see all my memories replaying in my head. I dont see my dead loved ones. i dont see a glimpse of heaven. or hell. I cant hear anything. the wind is rushing all around me. and then. nothing. peace. i dont wake up as a new person. i dont see any ghosts or people. i dont see heaven or hell. i dont see god. i dont see jesus. i see fog. all around. i cant see whats behind me or in front of me. except a road. im walking down the road. the road seems to go on forever. i keep walking. its peaceful. its just me, the road, and the fog. who am i? do i really even care? where am i? i dont really care. what is this place? i really dont care. what did i leave behind? choas. i always wake up from this dream right about now. I dont wake up crying or screaming or sweating. i wake up perfectly fine. i think my body makes me wake up befor i truly walk into the unknown. death perhaps. maybe if i keep walking...i wouldnt wake up again. now tell me this. why am i not scared of that?

I want someone to text me everyday 'are you ok?' and if i reply with 'no' then they simply say 'ok'. thats it. i dont want them to have pity on me. i just want somone to know. i want someone to want to know and when i tell them they dont pry. they dont ask anything. they just say 'ok'. is that to much to ask?

you know whats funny? when i cut myself the first time i wasnt crying or having a mental breakdown or at my lowest. i was watching fucking desendents at midnight and i had just thought. 'i wonder what it feels like?' so i grabbed a thumbtack and sratched my skin until it bled. i didnt feel anything. it didnt hurt like it should have. i didnt cry afterwards either. i didnt regret doing it and i still kinda dont. i didnt even flinch as i scraped off my skin until it bled. then i just stared at it. i didnt have any reaction to seeing my blood on that thumbtack or the blood coming from my arm. another time that i cut myself on my thigh i didnt have a reaction then either. i didnt even flinch the tiniest bit. and thats what keeps me up at night because i know that if i did that to anyone else. even a stranger. i would do anything to take it back. i would say im sorry until i couldnt speak. i would cry and scream at myself. i would hate myself forever for doing something like that. but if my best friend held a gun to my head i wouldnt even flinch. i would apoligize for doing something that made her have to go to all the trouble of having to kill me. and then in the end i would probably ask her to hand me the gun so i could shoot myself so that she wouldnt be charged for murder or have the burden of killing me. like the song goes 'you could slit my throat and in my my last gasping breath i would apolgize for bleeding on your shirt- your so last summer by taking sunday back'

its 4:34am right now. im so tired. but sleep isnt an option anymore. im haulcinating. bugs. bugs everywhere. STOP. LET ME SLEEP. and my brain says "no." my brain says "not until the sun is up." stop. let me sleep. and my brain says "no."

its 4:44am right now. im so tired. but sleep isnt an option anymore. im haulcinating. bugs. bugs everywhere. STOP. LET ME SLEEP. and my brain says "no." my brain says "not until the sun is up." stop. let me sleep. and my brain says "no.

My aunt had a saying when we where little that was a snippit from a church song reworded that went "Jesus said love everyone treat them kindly too, if your heart is filled with poo, no one will live you". To be honest why is it that my family acts like thats a foreign concept, and we aren't even foreign where a freaking white medium Christian family. Its like no one knows how to be kind and no one knows what being a decent human being is like.

On another note I kinda feel like a hyprocrite for wishing for everyone to be different, because i'm the one who cant pick up on social cues and always says the wrong thing. And at this point in my life I feel like saying I have mildish high functioning autism sounds like a stupid excuse.

I have a bunch of sister, mostly older and a twin as well (non identical) and they make me want to kill myself and i'm not saying that in a joking way. Like how is it that every friend I make leaves me for my extroverted sister? It's not like i did anything wrong i really tried to stay their friends but after they meet alice they act like im boring. Some of my other sister seem to always put in the effort to make it seem like i'm trying to be weird and mentally ill but I wish I wasn't, because its not like im even a cool level of mentally ill, im the type that gets called slurs and doesn't make friends unless its to people who don't have there own friends. Even then they always then meet each other through me and kind of forget about me.

Lastly what i'm going to vent about is relationship stuff. So I have a girlfriend and she's nice and I think I like her? I don't really know what it's supposed to feel like. I felt like a bad partner for dating her not even telling her i'm genderfluid when she's a lesbian, but weirdly when i told her she didn't even act like she supported me more like it didn't matter. We are both very adhd and it's long distance anyways (just across town because we go to different high schools and we both don't have cars) so we don.t get to talk a lot so i feel like i'm not there for her anyways. Just in all I haven't figured myself out yet when it comes to romantic relationships, I might be on some spectrum of ace. But I'm just so done with people I just might be mixing up my feelings or something? I don't know. Oki thats it :))

this is my first time posting to a website like this, so i'm a little nervous but i don't know what else to do. i've been dealing with some heavy weight recently and the problems that i once ignored are piling up on me and it's been really taking a toll on me. to give you a brief summary: my mother dislikes me, i've realized that i am somewhat disconnected from everyone in my life, opening up to people on an intimate, personal level scares me so i'm on this site instead, and lastly i feel weirdly hollow. every conversation with another person is incredibly painful for me, and i wish to cut contact with everyone and live my life as a recluse; at the same time i love people and i don't wish to separate from them. it's like, a weird oscillation of sorts. i don't want to sound too self-pitying but i wish that i could open up to others without any fear. for a long time i've always adhered to people, morphed myself accordingly but in the process i've fractured my sense of self lol and presently im trying to gain it back but ive realized just how empty of person ive been. i have so many problems but i feel like i can't tell anyone them and being emotionally genuine, with other people, is something that makes me want to throw up. distracting myself with projects, other people, or using the internet to forget about my reality. truth is, the few times ive 'opened' up to someone i tell them something miniscule that i don't truly care about just to keep the barrier there. my friendships i leave open and ambiguous, i've hurt a lot of people in the past because of this but i keep on moving forwards but this will definitely come to bit me in the future. i wish i could say that i feel remorse for them and i do, but it's never to the extent of their emotions. i do not love people, but i care about them even from afar and oh this turned into me ranting, lol sorry to whoever took the time to read this but you get the gist. there's a lot of other stuff as well but it'd be really awkward saying everything. i am attempting change but it's been hard, i'm getting somewhere though. just needed to get this off my chest lol, been feeling very depressed and heavy lately