Health and Wellness Failures Stories - page 6

How do I get help when all the doctors/ nurses and that don’t help or understand me and what I feel and need for myself my mental health and it’s driving me mad and my anxiety and depression is driving me mad

I’m 14 and my dad pays a lot of money for my counsellor after he realised I was cutting myself last year (I mostly let him know as I’d been doing it a while without him noticing). I feel really guilty because I’ve been seeing her for a while and I still feel the same, which is a constant sick, sad kind of feeing, and I plan to die as soon as I’ve moved away. I felt so guilty that I’ve been lying to her and my dad about feeling better, and now it’s gotten too a point where I’m too embarrassed and ashamed to confess that I’m still feeling this way. How do I tell my counsellor that I still feel bad? I don’t know if this website is appropriate for this but I don’t have any real people who I can ask right now and I feel the urge to cut.

sometimes i just sit there, staring at the wall or my phone or whatever, and feel completely stuck. like there's a million things i could do, maybe even should do, but i got no idea where to even start. it's not even about bein lazy, it's more like bein frozen. like my brain is just goin in circles, thinkin about every bad thing that could happen, every wrong move i could make. nd then it feels easier to just do nothin at all. ppl always say "just pick something" but they dont get it. it aint that easy. when you dont know what to do, even the small things feel like they weight a ton. i try makin lists, i try talkin to friends, sometimes i even flip a coin to decide, but still, most of the time i just feel stuck, like my feet are glued to the floor.

there’s this pressure too, like, if i make the wrong move, its all gonna fall apart. nd that makes it even harder. sometimes it aint even about big life stuff, like careers or school or whatever. sometimes it's dumb little stuff, like what to text someone back, or whether i should go out or stay home. nd the longer i sit there not doin anything, the worse i feel. it's like the weight builds up nd starts crushin me from the inside. ppl say "trust ur gut" but what if ur gut just feels like static, like a radio that cant find a station?? sometimes i wish someone would just grab me by the shoulders and say "do this!" and then i'd at least have a path. but life dont work that way. so i sit here, stuck between every choice, wishin the answers would just fall outta the sky.

one thing i been tryin lately is just movin, even a little. like if i dont kno what big thing to do, maybe i can at least wash the dishes. or walk around the block. or clean my room. nd sometimes, not always but sometimes, doing something small makes the big stuff feel a little less scary. like, okay, maybe i dont kno what to do with my whole life but at least i kno how to fold my laundry. it sounds dumb but it helps a lil. other times, i just gotta let myself sit in the confusion without makin it worse by beatin myself up. it sucks feelin stuck, but maybe sometimes that’s part of it. maybe not knowin is just part of bein human. i dunno. i'm still tryin to figure it out like everyone else.

ive always been different. even when i was little i noticed it. i had meltdowns at school and sometimes i would run out of the classroom. everything got too loud and too confusing. kids stayed away from me. some were scared. i got bullied a lot. it made me think something was wrong with me.

i wanted friends. i wanted to be like everyone else. but i didnt know how. it felt like i missed out on learning something everyone else just knew. my parents tried to help. they got me on meds and into therapy. it didnt fix how alone i felt. it just made me feel guilty for being a problem.

growing up i barely had any friends. most of the time i was by myself. even in high school, when it seemed like everyone had groups and plans and people to count on, i had maybe two or three people i could really trust. and even then i was scared. i felt like if they ever knew the real me, they might leave too. and if they did, i would have no one.

im bi but i dont tell people. its not because im ashamed. its because im terrified of losing the little bit of connection i have. i know if i tell the wrong person, i could lose the only friends i trust. and if that happens, thats it. im alone again. completely. and i dont know if i can handle that. id rather hide it and keep something than be honest and lose everything.

the only thing that worked for me was baseball. when i played, i wasnt different. i was just part of a team. ive played since i was a kid. no vacations, no parties, no normal stuff. just baseball.

for a while that was enough.

now i know im probably not going to make it. im not getting drafted. im not going to play pro. and i dont know what to do without it. it was never just a game to me. it was my whole life.

now im studying accounting. im good at numbers, maybe because of my autism. people say its a smart choice. they say it will get me a good job. but i dont like it. its just surviving. working and paying bills and doing it all again the next day. i hate it. i hate that dreams dont matter unless they make money.

i thought about coaching but it doesnt pay enough. so i have to give that up too.

i feel stuck most days. like i missed too much already and now im building a life that wont make me happy. people told me i was going to do great things. and now if im not the best at something, i feel like im nothing.

i dont talk about this much. i dont want to make it anyone elses problem. i dont want to just survive. i want to actually live.

ok so I think my sleeping problems might be getting worse

I've always, and I mean ALWAYS had trouble falling asleep at night.

But now, that problem has multiplied tenfold, and now I'm finding it hard to stay asleep if I manage to fall asleep, and then once I'm up, I'm up, there's no hope of going back to sleep.

Normally I'd ignore it and think it was normal, because trouble with sleep just is for me.

But it used to be that I'd go to bed at, like, 8:30 PM (EST) and fall asleep at like half past 10 PM (EST), but now it's I go to bed at 8:30, fall asleep at, like 1:00, wake back up at like 2:30 and am awake for the rest of the night.

Literally I can hardly focus as I'm typing this, autocorrect has been my best friend lol

but Im worried how it'll affect me in school, because I've never lost this much sleep over the span of three days.

its also affecting me getting to school in the morning, I've been more at risk of missing the bus lately because I just cant get out of bed. I try with my outfits in the morning, even when I'm tired, but tody I'm so freaking tired my outfit it a hoodie and leggings, and the leggings have a hole in the leg.

and on top of all this, I didn't see my best friend this morning and now i'm worried.

It’s the weirdest thing, waking up from a dream that felt more vivid than real life. Like, for a few seconds, you don’t even know where you are. Your brain’s stuck in that space between dream and reality, and everything around you just feels… off. That happened to me last night, actually. I had this dream that I was back in my old house, the one we lived in when I was little. The walls were the same faded green, the stairs still creaked on the third step, and my childhood dog, Max—who passed away years ago—was there, wagging his tail like he never left. I could smell the popcorn my mom used to make on Sundays, feel the soft carpet under my feet. Everything was so clear. And when I woke up, I felt this ache in my chest. Like I'd just been yanked out of a better version of reality, one where things made sense, where the past still existed in full color.

And it’s not just the places. Sometimes, it’s the people. You see someone you haven’t thought about in years—an old friend, a grandparent who passed, or even someone you’ve never met—and they talk to you like you’ve known each other forever. They touch your hand, look into your eyes, laugh with you. And in that moment, it feels real. Not just visually, but emotionally. It’s like your brain recreates every tiny detail, every feeling, every piece of memory, and weaves it into this beautiful (or sometimes terrifying) story while you're asleep. I’ve had dreams that were better than reality, dreams that gave me closure, and dreams that left me shaken for the rest of the day. How does the mind do that? How does it trick us into feeling something so strong that it lingers hours—even days—after we wake up?

I’ve read somewhere that dreams are just the brain’s way of processing things, like emotions we haven’t dealt with or thoughts we’re trying to push away. That kinda makes sense. I’ve had dreams about people I haven’t talked to in ages, and the next day, I’m thinking about them non-stop. Or I’ll have a super emotional dream, and when I wake up, I’ll actually be mad or sad about what happened, even tho it didn’t actually happen. One time, I dreamt my best friend betrayed me and I couldn’t even look her in the eye the next day. Of course I got over it (lol), but still, for a while I had to remind myself, “Hey, that wasn’t real.” And that’s what’s so crazy about dreams—they can influence your mood, your thoughts, sometimes even your decisions. Like your mind’s still stuck in that made-up world and hasn’t caught up with reality yet.

I guess part of why dreams feel so real is cuz when we’re dreaming, we’re not questioning anything. Our brains just go with it. You could be flying, or talking to a giant talking cat, or seeing someone who passed away, and none of it seems weird in the moment. You’re just there, experiencing it like it’s normal. It’s only when you wake up that you’re like, “Wait, what?” But when you’re in it, it’s your world. Your brain fills in all the blanks—how things smell, how people sound, how you feel—and you believe it. It’s wild how powerful the mind can be. I still don’t fully understand it, and I probably never will. But I do know this—sometimes, those dreams, the ones that feel so painfully real, can remind us of what we miss, what we love, what we’re afraid of, and even who we want to be. And maybe that’s why they stick with us. Maybe that’s why they feel so real. Because somewhere, deep down, a part of us wants them to be.

i used to think happiness was like… some reward u get after everything in ur life goes right. like u graduate, u get a good job, everyone loves u, and then bam happiness shows up like “congrats, u made it.” but that’s not how it works, not really. i learned that the hard way. last year was probly the worst year of my life. my parents were fighting nonstop, i failed two classes, and my best friend stopped talkin to me outta nowhere. it felt like everything was crashing down at once, and there was nothin i could do but watch it all fall apart. i cried so much. like real sobbing until my chest hurt. there were days i didn’t wanna get outta bed, where i felt like nobody would notice if i just disappeared.

but then weirdly, in the middle of all that mess, little things started hittin different. like one time i was sittin outside by myself feelin like crap, and this cat just walked up to me and sat on my lap like it knew i needed somethin soft and warm. i know that sounds dumb but i swear that moment made me feel a tiny bit okay. then a week later my younger brother made me a sandwich “just cuz you looked sad” and didn’t even ask for anything in return. and i dunno, stuff like that kept happenin. not big, movie-type moments or whatever, just small stuff. but when ur in a dark place, even a lil light can feel huge. and i started to realize maybe happiness isn’t this big magical thing u wait for, maybe it’s hidden in the cracks, in the quiet moments we usually ignore.

it didn’t fix everything, obviously. my parents still argue sometimes, i still stress about school, and i still don’t really know what i’m doin with my life. but now when things go wrong, i don’t feel like it’s the end anymore. i try to look for those tiny pieces of good, the ones that used to feel invisible to me. like when my friend texted me a meme after we hadn’t talked in months, or when a teacher said they liked my essay even though i thought it sucked. stuff like that used to slide right past me, but now i hold onto it. i collect it like proof that even in the middle of all the dark, happiness can still show up. it’s not always loud, but it’s there if you look for it.

so yeah, if you’re goin through it right now, if it feels like everything is fallin apart and ur stuck in this fog that won’t lift—i get it. i really do. but please just keep goin. even if all u do today is shower or eat somethin or smile once, that’s enough. you’re still movin forward. and eventually, the dark won’t feel so heavy. eventually, the lil things will start to glow again. and one day, maybe when u least expect it, happiness will find its way back to you—not because everything’s perfect, but because you kept going anyway. and that’s real strength. that’s real light.

Just give me a reason not to overdose on the iron supplements in the cabinet at my house.

I'm not ok, I think. I haven't slept in three days, haven't eaten a thing today except for some Smarties and don't plan to eat anything else. I just feel like I'm sinking in the deep end. All my friends are changing and I'm left behind, the same as I've always been, wondering where everyone else went. I just need to grow up, people tell me that all the time, sometimes to be reassuring and sometimes to be insulting, but I can't, I don't change even when everyone else does. I'll always be me, the one who hides everything inside and only shows people what they want, but yet I'm still hated and ridiculed because I did something wrong, because I refused someone's help, because I forgot to be who they wanted me to be. I just wish I could show them the person inside, with no fear that they'd hate me more than they do. Everyone around me only tolerates me, and barely at that. Maybe I'm being a drama queen, people often say that I am, but I'm just so sick and tired of being misunderstood. They see me as an attention seeker when I try to hint at the fact that maybe I need more help than I'm letting on. Everyone's tired of my crap. I constantly give people issues, I start fights, I don't deserve to be here. People would be better off without me. Don't worry, I have something to remind me that death is never the only way out of things. But that reminder hasn't been working as well lately. Nobody really even likes me. I'm a hypocrite, and idiot, a weirdo, and nuisance, a burden on this world. I'm hanging on but barely. I keep stumbling through the tunnel but the light is getting dimmer. The clouds are coming back. The sun is gone. I am unlovable and unloved. No one wants to even try with me anymore. And it's not like I can tell anyone this. They'd never understand.

There's no room for me to breathe. I'm underwater, sinking in the ocean that I am afraid of. The ocean is made of despair, of sadness, of everything I can't control and every part of me that's broken.

I'm drowning.

And nobody cares enough to save me.

ok I've never vented here before so I have no idea how this works

recently(aka for the last 2 months) I've been feeling extremely just...unwell. both mentally and physically. think that one scene from tpot 17 where two's lying on their bed with trash all around them and they haven't moved in months. that's how I'm feeling right now. I've become more chronically sick, and when I go without my medication I have a constant feeling of the verge of passing out. this has gotten in the way of so many of my relationships and at this point I don't know what to do anymore.

It's really hard to explain. I walk, I talk, I breathe, I do everything that living human does. But something has always felt off, like I'm *not* a living human. I have a personality. Sometimes. But somewhere inside me, I feel... lost. Like there's a peice out there that's missing from me. For a few days, while my cousin was over with his kids, I felt almost whole, while I was hanging out with the older of the two kids (he's 4). But they left this morning and now I feel... incomplete again. I'm trying my hardest to describe it, and choosing all the wrong words. Imagine if someone took your arm off, or your leg. You'd sometimes try to use the limb, feeling like it's still there, only to find it gone as it always was. That's how I feel sometimes. The part of me that's gone, I forget it's not there, find myself doing things I wouldn't do usually, like talking to someone who's not there. It's just that I don't remember that part of me ever being there. I don't remember having it, don't remember losing it. It's so frustrating. I've been trying to fill this hole, if you can call it that, been trying to feel fully alive again, but it just never goes away. Not fully, anyway. I've tried to fill the hole with friends, material things, family, and love but it just stays empty and I don't know what to fill it with. I've always kinda felt like this, just never understood it, so I never told anyone, just hid it. Please help.

I don't wanna feel a thing. Talking about makes me sick. You've got therapy and I"ve got no regrets. Yesterday I slept till sunset. Woke up on my bedroom floor again. I can't even count on half the people that I call my friends. Rolling through another blackout. I don't gotta act like I'm ok. Everything got better when I realized nothing matters anyway. I don't want your bad advice. Keep that baggage to yourself. I could show the whole world my scars. But that'd probably scare them all away. I would rather take another hit, put on a band-aid. I need help. I NEED HELP. I'm too STUBBORN to ask myself. I'm so tired, I'm unwell. I'm too broken to fix myself...

Don't know how much more I can take

I just know that I need to get better.

I've told everyone otherwise for too long. And when they start to notice, and I say I don't need help despite clearly needing it, they get mad at me.

idk whats wrong with me lately but its like everythin just feels heavy?? like i wake up n my chest is tight nd i dont wanna get outta bed. i just stare at the ceiling n think bout nothin but also everything at once. i used to wake up n feel kinda excited for the day but now its like...idk. empty i guess? my alarm goes off nd i feel this dread inside me like "oh great, here we go again". and i know i shouldnt feel this way cuz like nothin bad rlly happened but still its like my bodys fightin against me or sumthin.

when i go out with friends now, im not even rlly there. i try to laugh and joke but its like im watchin myself from the outside. like im pretendin to have fun when inside i just wanna go home n crawl under my blankets. and sometimes they notice n ask me whats wrong but i dont even know what to say?? cuz if i say "idk i just feel bad" they look at me weird n i feel stupid. so instead i say "im fine just tired" or sumthin but deep down i kno they kno its more than that. nd then i feel worse cuz im lyin to ppl i love but what else am i sposed to do? tell them my brain feels broken??

school feels impossible rn too. i sit in class n all the words the teacher says jus float past me like i cant grab onto em. my grades r slippin nd i kno it but its like i cant even care enough to fix it. ill sit at my desk to study n end up starin at the wall for hours. like time jus stops or sumthin. and then i get rlly mad at myself cuz i kno i should be better but i cant seem to make myself move. i just feel stuck. like theres glue holdin me in place n the harder i try to move the more stuck i get.

my mom tried to talk to me bout it yesterday. she noticed i was bein quiet nd stuff at dinner n asked me if sumthin was wrong. i wanted to tell her everything, how i feel lost nd sad nd tired all the time. but instead i just shrugged n said "nah im fine mom". she gave me that look she always does when she knows im lyin but she didnt push it. i think she wants me to talk but idk how to even start. what if she thinks im bein dramatic? what if she thinks its just some teenage thing n not real? cuz it feels pretty real to me.

idk what im sposed to do anymore. i jus kno that i dont feel good, not at all. like somethings missing from inside me n i cant find it. i jus want to feel normal again. not even happy, just normal. but rn that feels impossible, like im trapped in this fog that wont go away. i jus wanna wake up n breathe easy again, feel the sun without wishin i could stay in bed forever. i jus wanna be me again, but i dunno how to find her.