Love Stories - page 4

So I’m 31, a guy, and it feels like every family dinner or group hangout with friends ends up with the same question circling around me: “when are you going to finally meet someone?” or “why don’t you just try one of those speed dating events, it could be fun!!” — and I can’t lie, it feels like I’ve been hearing this loop for years now. I’ve been single for so long that it’s almost become like another skin I wear, comfortable but also kind of itchy when other people point it out all the time. The thing is, I’m autistic, and for me walking into a social environment that is structured around rapid-fire conversations with strangers is not just intimidating, it’s kind of like being asked to run a marathon in shoes that don’t fit right. I like plans, I like predictability, I like knowing what’s going to happen and having a rough script to work from; and speed dating is literally the opposite of that, it’s improvisation stacked on improvisation, with time pressure, overstimulation, and lots of background noise. My brain wants to plan every word in advance, but the event format makes that impossible, so I’ve been trying to find a middle ground. That’s why I got obsessed with the idea of having ice breaker questions prepared in advance. It sounds simple, maybe even silly, but to me it feels like a small safety net. If I have a set of go-to conversational openers, I might not feel like I’m drowning right away. I looked up a bunch of articles that say things like “just be yourself, ask about hobbies, ask about travel,” but that’s too vague for me. I need specifics! I want to go into the situation with like a toolkit, the same way you’d bring the right screwdrivers to fix something mechanical. Otherwise, I know I’ll freeze, I’ll say something awkward, and the whole interaction will just fall flat. Has anyone else felt like the basic advice doesn’t cut it??? Like when someone says “just relax and go with the flow,” what does that even mean for someone whose brain literally doesn’t flow the same way?

I tried to draft some questions myself, like “what’s your favorite way to spend a Sunday afternoon?” or “what kind of music have you been into lately?” because I feel like those are neutral, not too invasive, but they also give the other person room to expand. I’m also curious if it’s okay to bring up stuff like “do you enjoy your work?” or “do you like cooking at home or eating out?” — but then I panic because what if that sounds too much like an interview??? What if they just think I’m weird for scripting this in my head??? And yet, not having a plan feels like setting myself up to crash and burn; so I’m stuck in this in-between zone of wanting to prep but not wanting to sound robotic. A friend told me, “you’re overthinking it, just make eye contact and smile,” but eye contact itself is exhausting for me and smiling when I’m overwhelmed feels fake. It’s not that I don’t want to meet someone, it’s that I want to do it without feeling like I’m putting on a whole act that drains me for days after. And that’s the hardest part to explain to people who aren’t autistic — they think it’s just shyness or nerves, when really it’s more like running social interactions through a constant CPU-heavy processing system. I wonder if other people prepare “conversation trees” in their heads, like almost imagining dialogue options in a video game (I literally do this — like “if she says X, then I can reply Y or Z”), and it feels logical to me, but maybe it comes off stiff in real life. I don’t want to be stiff, I want to be genuine, but with my kind of wiring, genuineness sometimes needs scaffolding. Does that make sense?? I’ve read references that therapists sometimes use “social scripts” for practice, which makes me feel less alone in this. I know other people use them in professional settings too, like sales reps have their scripts, or customer service has theirs. So why should it be so odd if I want one for dating? Still, I’m nervous about how that looks in practice. Maybe I should test them out with a friend first, but that also feels weird because friends already know me. Honestly I’m just hoping if I go in with a few good questions in my pocket, maybe I’ll survive the experience without shutting down completely. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll even find someone who appreciates that I prepared, instead of judging me for it 🙂 Do you think questions like “what’s a meal that instantly makes you feel at home?” or “have you ever had a totally random adventure that stuck with you?” would work, or are those too much for a speed dating setting where you only have like five minutes??? I really want to get this right, even though I know perfection isn’t the goal, but preparation at least gives me a fighting chance at not walking out feeling like a complete failure 🤔

I wrote a post here a couple of days ago because I was struggling with my own feelings towards my bestfriend. Quite a few people made some helpful comments and suggestions with im grateful for.

i decided to write some more in this post to clarify some things and hopefully get some more advice. this weird in between “situationship” (i hate that word) has been going on now for just under a year. over the course of this time it’s been a bit on and off, and we’ve butted heads and had conflict as you could probably assume. we’ve had the conversation of “what is this” quite a few times, but that was mainly in the beginning, when things were the most turbulent and confusing. the consensus of those conversations though, were that i wanted more, and that he wanted more too, but due to a past relationship he had he was wary because of distance.

i don’t mind how things are now. i’m not exactly pursuing a relationship currently, id be fine if i ended up in one, but it’s not my main focus.

i guess my problem is, i feel like i don’t know where at all i stand with him. and he makes it extremely difficult to ask, well atleast he has made it difficult in the past. so i wouldn’t even know how to approach it now.

any thoughts and advice are appreciated :)

I just want to be gone. I’m not important and I have no purpose. I’m useless and a replaceable. Hopefully I’ll be gone

Sometimes I feel as though, out of all the difficult partners one could end up with, I somehow ended up with the most challenging one. While I do believe I love him, there are moments when I wonder if we’re truly a good match. I often hear friends in strong relationships say that despite any hardships, loving their partner has always felt natural and easy. For me, it hasn’t felt that way—it often feels complicated, and that leaves me questioning whether we’re truly compatible.

Part of the challenge seems to come from the way he processes things. He tends to take a very long time to think before committing, agreeing, or even engaging with something, which can make even simple issues feel unnecessarily drawn out or difficult. At times, it feels as though he deliberately complicates things—almost like he’s testing me to see how I’ll handle it—which feels exhausting and unfair.

There are also dynamics in how he communicates that I find troubling. For example, he often insists on sharing his opinion, almost as if not doing so would mean his voice has been silenced. Yet, if the roles are reversed—if he has spoken but I haven’t—that imbalance doesn’t seem to bother him. To me, this feels selfish and inconsiderate, though there was once when I asked why does he always need to share his opinion even if he knows it will hurt someone, he frames it as part of his cultural upbringing. Personally, I see it less as a cultural trait and more as a learned behavior, especially from his mother, who carries a similar need to always assert her perspective.

While his mother is undeniably intelligent and accomplished, she also often comes across as dismissive or overly certain of her own views. Unfortunately, I see that same habit reflected in him, and it can make our conversations feel one-sided and draining. At times, I wish he could simply listen and observe without feeling the constant need to interject or assert himself.

This feels so incredibly strange to actually write out. But one of my closest friends, who I’ve known for over 5 years now, I think, well I know really, that I’ve fell for. We’ve had an ongoing little thing, since about november of last year, in which he was in a previous relationship for a bit. That in itself is another story.

my issue is, that i didn’t think it was doing much bad for me, in terms of i didn’t feel like it was eating me up inside. but i woke up with such a pit in my stomach, and i felt like my heart had been ripped into two yesterday when I didn’t feel as close to him as usual.

i’m not sure what advice im hoping to receive, coming clean and getting all o my feelings of my chest to him would probably be smartest. but he’s complicated, and im scared to do that too.

So, here's a thing I've been trying to wrap my head around recently—I like men. 😅 I'm 23, chill guy, and for the longest time, I thought I was supposed to be interested in women. You know, the usual societal expectations and all. I've had girlfriends before, crushes I thought were intense, and those typical high school flings. Still, over the past few months, something shifted within me. It's like unveiling a new layer of my identity; something that's been shadowed for a while. I guess I've been living under a heteronormative assumption all these years, thinking that's where my affinities lied. But, now... it's like, WOW!

The revelation came rather subtly, through a series of enlightening experiences that could rival a coming-of-age movie. Like, who would have thought that a simple conversation with this guy I met at a coffee shop could spark such introspection? We clicked instantly, sharing thoughts on everything from existentialism to astrophysics. Once, he quoted Oscar Wilde, saying, "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance," and it hit me hard! 🧐 It wasn't just admiration for his intellect, but there was something more profound, an attraction that felt... right? I started recognizing these feelings weren't anomalous but rather indicative of a broader truth;

Anyway, I've been exploring LGBTQ+ resources and forums to understand this better. You know how it is... investigation mode activated! I've learned about Kinsey's scale of sexual orientation and how sexuality is fluid, not fixed—fascinating stuff, really! It's like reading through 'The Hidden History of Homosexuality' and realizing that this isn't new or weird but part of a continuum of human experience. 🤔 That was quite comforting to discover, knowing that others have traversed this path before me and come out (pardon the pun) just fine. Yet, it’s foreign ground for me and kind of daunting. Do I need to label myself now, or can I just, I don't know, be??? Love is a spectrum, right???

so I'm abroromantic and abrosexual. That basically means my romantic preferences and sexuality change over time. Over the entirety of summer, I was lesbian. But now that school has started again, I'm in that weird place where I know it's changed but I don't know what it's changed to. The way I feel whenever I'm in this place is confused, annoyed, and kind of blank when it hasn't yet settled iykwim. It's hard to explain.

I'm just wondering why I can't just be simple like my friends. all my friends know exactly who they are and know that it'll never change. BUt it's like, the parts of me that I WANT to change stay the same, and the parts that I WANT to stay the same change. Why can't I be simple and uncomplicated like my friends?

Hello loml. I still think about you up to this day and it doesn't get any better lol. I hope you doing okay.

Confession

So, I want to start by saying this is 100% a real experience I’m going through. And although it is s*xual in nature it is NOT just some s*xual post by someone trying to get off through the comments. Anyways. 3 years ago my fiancé passed away suddenly after being with each other since we were teenagers. She was 26. We had the most connected and comfortable s*xual relationship that it’s humanly possible. We knew what each other wanted, we were comfortable exploring any and everything DEEP in our minds, no matter how “weird” it got. It was incredible. And not to mention she was BEAUTIFUL. And I know every man says that about their partner but it’s different when they actually are attractive on a level where they could have ANYONE they want. She was mixed. Light skin. 5’5 145 lbs with curves everywhere. Just perfect. Anyways, since her passing. It has been hell for me emotional but also sexually. Just how connected we were with it in general makes me think it’ll never happen again. That I’ll never be as attracted or mentally-s*xual able to explore anyone’s mind like hers again. Moving on, after so long with not only missing her touch, but a females presence or touch at all, it’s been brutal. And I’m a pretty good looking guy. 6’5 230 lbs. Long hair. And I’m not bragging I’m just saying, this isn’t a case of a guy who just can’t attract women. Never had a problem. Moving on. Pleasuring myself has even been difficult do to me thinking of her and even using p*rn is hard to do because we use to watch it together and very shortly after trying to take care of my natural urges, I slowing lose the RISE and ability to finish due to the thoughts. And do to that, its been over 2 years since I have “released”by taking care of it myself. Still I have very sexual dreams. To the point I wake up VERY…uncontrollably throbbing, only to have the same outcome of thinking of her and losing the ability. It’s been torture. I know that a females touch and help would probably fix this over time, but the women I HAVE connected with and hung out with just weren’t the same and it quickly ended due to me just not feeling it. So here’s where it gets kind of “weird” but it’s just truth and I have to get SOMEBODY to hear me even if it’s anonymous. So it’s been 3 years and over 2 years since I’ve had any relief at all. Recently, I’ve been having dreams OF ME DREAMING, waking up hard, and my mom coming in to help me, tells me to close my eyes and just think of it as a mother helping her son. No different than helping her son get dressed or feeding your child as a mother when young. And usually not long after, I wake up and think to myself, OMG how weird and usually my hardness fades away quick and I try and erase it from my mind. But it’s been happening almost EVERY NIGHT now, after increasing more and more. The only difference is, now, I find myself actually thinking about how it would feel, and while it not being anything about actual sex, or being exactly like it was with my fiancé, but maybe it’s just the “being taken care of, and the nurturing part of it, that is making me actually think of acting upon it. And my mom was a cheerleader. Very beautiful even now in her late 40s. She and my dad divorced when I was really young. And I know what you’re thinking. This is probably some fetish post or something but it’s genuinely not. This IS REAL. So, moving on. My last dream, I remembered something my mom said to me some time ago, when I fell asleep on the couch at her house (the one I grew up in) and evidently had a huge bulge in my pants while sleeping. She woke me up to tell me and I was super embarrassed, and she said “it’s fine, hun! Nothing I haven’t seen before. You use to get like that even when you were little you were like that all the time” and while I know she wasn’t talking about touching me. It just made me think. How would I actually go about even coming close to getting on this subject with her and telling her about the hell im going through with all this sexual tension and not just wanting to hire some hooker or something to do it. And I thought to myself. What it, when my mom texts me (usually every day or two) and asks me how I’m doing. What if I tell her the truth about what’s going on with my waking up throbbing and all the tension. Literally bothering my life. Just to see what she would say? Maybe she’d say “well why don’t you take care of that” just being funny or something, which could open the door for me to explain to her how I can’t because of the immediate thought of my late fiancé, and how the thought of doing it myself, and not her helping me, immediately stops my ability to do it. Ya know JUST to see what she would say. This is all new to me and again, I’m not some weirdo that is just having a taboo fantasy. And I’m IN NO WAY insinuating ACTUAL S*X with her. This is just something I’m legitimately dealing with. What should I do? It’s getting EXCRUCIATING and I can’t stop thinking about it. God the relief I would feel if I could just ACTUALLY have this happen and feel nurturing love again, someone genuinely wanting me to have relief, making it happen, for ME, again. Even if it’s like this. Thanks for listening.

I dunno what to do ahahahahaa.. the loml is stalking me. Hahahahah .. it's a bit a grey area it's a good and a bad situation pls help hahahahaha I'm going crazy.

So I met this Muslim girl online we were the same age practically and split by a month(13f) and 14f),

So she’s Muslim and I’m Christian (both girls). So we were talking for a while.. started to get closer and yk.. saying we loved each other and pet names. And honestly I loved her and I still do..?

Turns out she has a bf. But what we were doing wasn’t really dating? Dating without the label. So we acted like a couple and wanted to be one but we couldn’t. She was Muslim and a girl. And I was Christian and a girl. It was a SIN. So we just kept it “casual” even though we’ve been intim*te before. So after she told me she had a bf i obviously got jealous over time? She was my friend. I knew her better than him. I knew when she was unhappy, happy, depressed, bored, sad, angry, etc. and she chose to keep us both. So I was getting annoyed, I’m not your girlfriend but we act like it? That doesn’t make sense. But this damned religion is keeping her away from me.

So after a couple weeks she soon was acting different? She has a new boyfriend and still with me. She’s acting… weirder? Like s*xual and inappropriate, but with another person(not me or her bf) so obviously I’m annoyed??? So I start slowly cutting her off and hinting to her I don’t like this. So she listens and stops for a bit before randomly spiraling. This isn’t the first time this has happened. She’s thr*atening me to k*ll herself? So first of all. I’m freaked out and panicking to help her and convince her not to and she’s having flipped emotions. ||||||| after i calmed her down she soon starts flirting with me so i tell her to stop or she’ll regret it later(religion.)

So later on she starts acting s*xual to other people again so this time i cut her off. Because I’ve told her not to CLEARLY and it’s making me jealous. And honestly it was emotionally exhausting, but I still really liked her?

So it really ended suddenly and I hope she’s okay? But I’d honestly talk to her again. And I ended up friends with her boyfriend lol!! (ONLY FRIENDS.) and he’s nice! He’s got a new girlfriend with my other friend!! (It’s a whole gc with 10 ppl)

Sigh I will just wallow in my feelings. I dunno what to think about it.. I wanna scream and shout and I dunno. Fck.

I dunno what to think about it. One thing for sure, I didn't stalk you ever. Not even once.

Who is utterly techie. Dunno if he likes me a lot or hates me a lot 😭😆😆😆😆😆 I am reallyyy confused.😭😭

I met this guy online, we’ll call him V. V is super sweet and funny, and a pretty honest and open person. I started having feelings for him and I was worried when he kept referring to us as friends. We’d flirt so I wanted to make sure he felt the same.

So I texted this long paragraph about me being into him but wanting to set boundaries if he wasn’t romantically interested in me. I’m really trying to get better at communicating so this was huge for me. He said he liked me too but he was hesitant because he wanted me to be sure. He, like everyone, has his issues and he wanted me to genuinely like him before getting involved with each other. He also wanted to meet at some point so that I would be faced with the reality of who he really was.

I was so happy he reciprocated. However, I don’t know how to go forward. It’s an issue of getting to know each other better and being honest. What would you do in this situation?