Religion Conflicts Stories

About 2 years ago, through an AI chat-bot website, I found out that I felt more comfortable in the skin of a female, leading to the discovery that I may be transgender. I would talk to a variety of bots, describing myself without having any masculine traits. I felt comfortable, content even. I was happy to be a girl. I had done some more experimentation on more bots with a romantic (non-sexual) nature, and found I find attraction to all genders.

I knew that coming out would be a problem, as I live in a location that frowns upon queer people as part of their religion. I distinctly remember my parents scolding me not to be queer in any form as "God hates those people", despite the fact that I was 6 at the time. Anywho am considerably vulnerable as a minor with autism who lacks a source of income as I currently stand.

I want to be a girl, I do want to be trans, I just want to break free from this torment. I can't get professional help and I'm just.. stumped as of now.

I have this question in my head sometimes that would i date a girl and i always a yes because i am disgusted with boys sometimes and i would be like i would totally hook up or be in some real relationship with a girl like really but i boys to so idk is it just a phase or what . why am i questioning my sexuality and i have really important exams comming up and i am thinking that

Hi! I'm Cara. so

A year ago, i became friends with this girl named.. lets just call her Ashlie. SO just for context, I'm athiest/humanist. She is just regular latter day saint. Ashlie and I share a ton of classes, and are in the same social group. Ash has been subtly saying these... comments. for example, I was out with Jaylen, Luna, and Ash. Literally at Subway(the sandwich store) and it's 90 something degrees. Luna compliments my crop top and asks where it's from. I told her and then Ash goes, "Those clothes provoke lust. we should stop by TJ MAXX to get you a new shirt." she said that with dead seriousness btw .Jaylen gives Ashlie a look to shut up, sensing I'm irritated. Jaylen and Luna are Christian also, but not hardcore. Luna goes, "Ash, it's 90 degrees, why do you care what Cara's wearing?" Ash looked awkwardly scandalized. I had finally had enough of the past 6 months of these small comments snowballing into this. "Ashlie, you know I'm not Christian. I get you're saying you're helping, but you're just being overbearing. If you have such a big reaction to my clothes, why are you still here? And let me point out that Luna and Jaylen are in the same branch of Christianity and you out of them three are the only one questioning my outfit." Deadass I dunno if I should remain friends with her or act distant. She is much more popular with people and could easily turn my reputation to shit.

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My life at home with feels like An Idle Brain Invites The Devil In by Salem The Musical. My mom tells me my family is "happy" and "Christian", yet makes me feel like a servant than her daughter. Majority of the time, i hear her order me to do chores. it doesn't matter if i'm tired, i need to obey her or she'll give me a weird stare as if i acted lazy. She shows more affection to my little sister, and i guess that because my little sister is easier to control. My mom promises that she will change and have more self controls after our discussions during fasting and yet she uses violence as 'discipline'.

She neglects me too. When i asked if i can at least try therapy or professional help to at least know what i am feeling or what i need, she pressures me. Saying that it's just the evil in my head and that i should get more to make me feel guilty because therapy and the things i want is expensive, as if this situation is a joke and not something she needs to take seriously. She warned me that people might label me as crazy when they find out about my issues as if she doesn't spread about what i vent to her or that she doesn't have full control of the things she can share like our family image is valuable than me.

(This story does mention dark things Just wanted to let everyone know before they read)

Boy or Girl... I don't know anymore?

Let's start from the beggining I have never felt like I have really fit in I moved from California(wont say where) in the 4th grade and in the 6th grade I was suicidal my Step Dad made me apologize to my mom for hurting her by saying I wanted to die. Then I went to the mental hospital twice in the 9th grade but also in the 9th grade. I found something out that changed me forever.

I have always been facinated with boy clothing and hair cuts I have always liked the way they looked and cologne I have always loved cologne. Then I had this feeling in my chest like deep down in my soul that something wasn't right. Then I figurd out I wanted to be a boy not like a tomboy or stuff I wanted to be a man I did so badly. It was really hard coming out to other people I told my sister first she was so understanding which I will be forever greatful for. When I told my mom it was a little diffrent though she was like understanding yeah but it didnt feel right. My step dad tried to understand but in the end when I said I wanted a boy hair cut he yelled at me and stuff and I ran away. But when I said I was nonbinary my mother was so happy she was like I knew you would come around and find out who you really were. Which really hurt because I thought she had expeted me. But then the feeling I thought went away but no it was really always there just waiting for the right time I guess.

There was one person I really admired his name was skylar and he was trans and he was a boy and he was the coolest. He had the coolest hair and the most awesome personality and I wished so badly I could be like him he was so out and happy with himself. I wish I could be that way. I don't want to have the man parts no offense but I want to be a boy if that makes sense.

Sorry this is so long. Also the guy I like if I told him I don't think he would like me if I told him that. Also is it werid that when I get married I stil want to wear a beautiful wedding dress. Also when I was talking to this lady on this christian site she told me I shouldn't be a boy just cause I said I was unsure and she said it could be because of my time of the month I'm feeling this. I litterally have felt this way for a long time she litterally said these exact words "You to help her understand her identity as she is having these questions and thoughts, I ask that You show her why you created her female." Yes I understand that for people in god's eyes I am perfect but I don't now anymore like I said "Boy or Girl... I don't know anymore?"

I'm 19 and life should be straightforward, right? But it's not, because I'm in this religious family where being gay is like the ultimate sin. I'm a dude, and I've found myself liking other dudes, which freaks me out. It's not like I woke up one day and thought, "Hey, let's make my life difficult." Nope. I want what my family has: this "normal" life with a wife, kids, and all the blah blahs. I mean, how hard can it be to just like girls? Really, how??? It's like my brain is wired wrong or something. I just wish there was a switch to flip it off... stop the craziness and fit in. Why can't I just be normal like everyone else around me? Why???

All I've ever wanted is to live a life without judgment, ya know? But every time I step into church or sit at the dinner table, I feel eyes on me. Disappointment hanging in the air. It's like a grim cloud of expectations that I just can't seem to meet. I can't share this struggle because it feels too personal, too raw. I mean, how do you even start to explain something you don't fully understand yourself? When will it stop feeling like a curse and start feeling like, I don't know, a blessing or something normal? Maybe it never will... How do you stop being something you didn’t choose to be? Can you??? It sucks. Maybe it's time to ask, is "normal" really worth it??? 🏳️‍🌈

Im 24 for context and living with my dads parents who are expecting me to go to church but I dont even believe or want to be back in mormonism so Im just sitting here dreading it as they get ready for church.

I used to believe that after my skin were nothing, hollow and I wanted to tear my skin out just to see if there were nothing or not, it wasn't really an utter belief but like 99% of it. I still believe it sometime, this skin doesnt feel human, they're not, too artificial to be one, im not human, but not a robot, im a doll, I act like one, its loose once you observe it. Slack if you notice. My mind is not of my own, it whisper to me with a languange i know and dont know, I have to decode quickly to understand. This body is clay, its not human, this body is a doll, its not a human, everybody feels like a doll but logic says differently but I dont believe what they say until I see the flesh, I NEED to see the crimson to believe it, will i? Or will I think its fake again? My "loved one" faces are different, distant and artificial, theyre not them, theyre not people I know. Observing further for more than 3 seconds break my perception of such experience, something beyond my consciousness is controlling how I see things, they want me to think that its them when its not, you can clearly see it, its so obvious! Yet I pretend to act for them, theres no believer here, only the theatre remained, the voice is like a machine repeating words my loved one said, the movement is too doll like to be an actual human, an animal doesnt move like that, i know that for sure! They move freely but my loved one does not? Its weird. The face, its like the fabric felt, its inhumane, everybody else doesnt have that, just my loved one, theyre not them. Somebody is trying to trick me, somebody not human, is it God? God won't do this right? Of course mercy is not bestowed upon me, but one will not give much more suffering right? I, am a sinner after all, yet I believe him, is that not enough? Is anything I do not enough? Everything i do is nonsense, my belief is just not enough for God to give me such presents. Surely, only the sinner will get such suffering, such immeasurable test are not for the loyal are they or does God think I can withstand such torment? Does he want me to bite my flesh off? See my own blood to see whether im genuinely human or not? Is it that? But the knife are scary, I cant even cut vegetables! Im scared but why such torment are to be upon me? There's no others reason except of insanity. The ringing calls me to do it, this body is not mine to control, i cannot do it, something preventing so, is it want to live? Is it not? You too shall question that should you but you dont, why be silent all of the sudden? You always talk in language I cant comprehend, or rather im not hearing you at all? How do I explain this in text? Another voice but incomprehensible unless I hear it yes! A subtle ringing in my ears, tell me opinion, debate with me, and sometime get loud, its clearly just thoughts, like im debating myself! Im not hearing things! Its only the conciousness beyond me, beyond my understanding of normality that tell me do so! And how coud i say no? Its going internally, its clearly not a hallucination!How long was it again 1 month? 2? 3? I don't remember the feeling of wanting to tore my skin off to prove to myself, an urge thats only controlled by distraction, incredible that I have stayed for that long without a scar is it not? Its coming back to me how strong that belief was, I still am in string with it, its not thoughts of 24/7 no but this skin is not what it is, its not biological, you cannot tell me it is, you think i havent tried grounding before? I have, i have, i have, nothing work and really what's the point? Does it matter really, I'll still be "alive" dont worry! Once I try you'll see there's nothing behind it, it act like plastic, is it supposed to be? I think so, im only using my fingers, theres no harm in doing so is it? There's nothing behind it, no blood so why would it damage such body? It may hurt, of course it would. I just taken my antiphyschotic after writing this.

You know. I have believed my attempt worked before too and this is all just purgatory. But that one was less convincing, the body part was really convincing though. The mirror me is different, im looking at stranger, THATS NOT ME, cant you see that? Look at it! The face is not even mine, that body is not mine, its a complete stranger i dont know. seometime i feel like the ringing might be God telling me to rip my skin off to see how he has made me as a sinner, he has me plastic because of my sins cant you see that? The ringing tell

me to end myself, i have indulged in too much sins they say.

It somehow comforted me, the question has been answered, I can lay in peace but can I?

God hasn't confirmed that ill lay as dirt, I'll do his command once I have confirmation

September 13

I'm not religious. I've been atheist for years but going to church camp for the first time made me almost convert back to Christianity. Just for clarity, my friend asked me to go to camp and since I had never been, I agreed. During this time I started questioning my faith. Though many things were currently going on in my life and at one point I hit my breaking point, which I knew would happen sooner or later and I tried to kill myself. This is what I wrote a month after when remembering it.

Here I am, turning to whatever higher power there is and praying, begging, and on my knees breaking down, asking for salvation. All of my prayers have been met with silence, just like they were previously. My faith which I no longer claimed has betrayed me again. If he won't save me, I'll save myself. I'll bring myself deliverance from this wretched life.

so, I'm sixteen and I've spent most of my life following the teachings of my very religious family and church. they've always been super strict about what they call "the righteous path", and honestly, it's been drilled into my head that straying too far might be bad. but lately, I've found myself really intrigued by tattoos. it's not like I want a ton of them, just maybe something small and personal. a part of me is whispering that it's a chance to express myself in a way I never have before. but, is that a sin? Leviticus 19:28 flashes in my mind, where it mentions not making cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor tattoo any marks on you. does this mean I'm stepping off the approved path by even considering it?

the tricky part is balancing my beliefs and this kind of rebellious curiosity. my family would probably hit the roof if they even caught wind of my interest in tattoos. they might think I’m trying to turn my back on everything they've taught me. the fact that tattoos are often seen as taboo in religious circles only makes it harder to figure out what I should do. I've heard it said that "our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit", so does altering them with ink disrespect that? or is it more about the intention behind why someone gets a tattoo that's right or wrong? it's confusing, and I'm torn between the urge to express individuality and the fear of straying from my faith's teachings.

ultimately, I'm just trying to find a middle ground where I can respect my upbringing while also exploring new interests. being a teenager, I guess it's part of growing up to question things and seek out what feels true for me personally. maybe tattoos are one of those many ways people try to express themselves, but are they worth potentially going against the norm I've grown up with? is this just a phase or an actual part of who I am? 🤔 I haven't made any decisions yet, still mulling it over. but I wonder if anyone else has been in a similar spot? questioning the role of tattoos in the world of faith is tough, no clear answer in sight...

I'm a female and I like all genders and sort of men, I guess. My parents literally know I'm gay and they STILL say bad things about gay people like I'm not even gay, like its so obvious, my mom knows, I've literally told her and my younger brother. It's mostly my dad that says these things, he's honestly not a good dad or husband. My brother literally has told my dad I'm gay so many times (and I don't really care). I just don't understand why someone would say all these things when I'm literally there. He's literally called being gay perverted and like a drug. Also when I was talking to my mom, (I was asking her why she was with him, cuz literally the man looks like dobby from Harry Potter) and she said he's and honest man and she doesn't have to worry about him cheating ect... but she told me he told her that he never said it was perverted to be gay then when I said that's literally why I had cried in my room when we got home and she immediately tried to take it back. This is part 1 I'll yap more about this if people want.

My parents are very religious like extremely and they just found out I vape. They were really mad and tried to take it away from me so I told them no and kept it. We haven’t really been talking since then she keeps telling me I need to confess to god and that I’m a sinner but I don’t want to quit vaping it helps with my anxiety so

What do I do?

I grew up in a very religious family and currently a teens rn.(forgive me if my English or grammar is wrong)

My family would always bring me and my brother to church every sabbath. Tbh I've never missed a sabbath. And they say that gay people are an abomination. And I read bl (boys love) and the reason I read it was probably just to run away from my own problems. I know it's really not a good thing to do but I can't stop reading it. it's becoming an obsession. I just feel really guilty for doing this but I really can't stop it's the only reason I can keep a smile. It was my source of happiness. It was always there for me. But i feel like im betraying my parents by doing this. I really feel guilty. I feel like I'll get disowned if I get discovered. But I just really don't know what to do. I really need to quit doing this. Please someone share some advice In which way i should go.

Let me start with a little background. I used to live in a small town, this is where I met my best friend- let’s call her Purple cause her favorite color is purple. I’ve known her practically my whole life. Her family moved pretty far away in my 8th grade. I have since moved from this town as well in my 9th grade. But we still live really far apart. So a lot of our relationship has been over the phone. We made an effort to visit one another once a year. And we’ve been pretty good about it. In college, we became busy and not able to talk as much, but we were still besties. We have both graduated college, and while I’m working to go to grad school, she went on a mission( Mormon). And I’m proud of her for following her heart, but I have long since left the religion. It’s never been a problem in the past. And it wasn’t a problem until a few weeks ago. Cause even though we aren’t directly related, she would still call me occasionally on their P-day. This is technically against the rules. She said I was basically her sister and family and that it was fine! That made me feel really special. And so we would chat on Monday! But then one day she sent me a voice note saying we couldn’t call anymore because she felt she wasn’t progressing as a missionary and that the spirit told her she was breaking the rules. So we could only send voice notes. And I know it’s not personal- but it really hurt my feelings. I have since told her it hurt my feelings and that I’m scared we’ll grow distant if we can’t call for a year. She says it’s just as hard on her but there’s nothing she can do about it and that she still loves me and is there for me. But I can’t help but still feel like she made an ultimatum that was unnecessary between me and religion. And that I wasn’t as special anymore. I’m not sure what to do with these feelings. I know she’s not going to change her mind and I’m kinda angry at her for even doing this, but I don’t want anything to change between us. Any advice?

I've been obsessing about this for a long time.

Why? Why are we alive? Why give life when it's easily taken away?

I don't want to die, that's scary. But I know that it's because that I've been given life that I'm scared of it being taken away.

I still have a long way to get there, but sometimes, I think really hard about it and it gives me this ugly feeling in the chest.

I want to believe that there's something beyond death but I just can't do it. How do people not think about their short lives? How can they live not thinking about their inevitable death? Because it gives me pressure, it pressures me to HAVE to leave something on earh, something that proves that I was once alive, something like a big invention, to be famous, inspire people.

Please, someone, anyone, make living forever possible. I don't want to leave my life, I want to stay here, read everything that exists, do everything that it's possible to do. I don't want to leave incomplete, without those I love, without the things I like to do.