Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 113

hello. I honestly am writing this to just vent. I don't have anyone in my life who I can talk to about this.

I have two best friends. They are my only friends really. I have known them since I can remember, our families are all friends.

I am 22 and all I have known my whole life is that they are my best friends.

I won't go into detail but our friendship has had its ups and downs over the years; largely to do with being left out and ignored, them mad when i would attempt to make other friends or even just talk to people they wanted to be friends with, them keeping things from me and gossiping.

Don't get me wrong we have also had amazing memories made. Them and their families feel like my own relatives and are such prominent people in my life. I honestly can't imagine having grown up without them. And I have so much gratitude towards them for making my youth so memorable and important.

Recently one of my friends got married and the other is engaged. I however have never been in a relationship or anything romantic at all.

My friends are drifting away from me. I will try and organise to spend time with them which they will either ignore or say they want to then never follow through. I find out weeks later that they spend a lot of time together just them. I live just over an hour away so I just always tell myself it's just cause it's harder for me to go to them and them to come to me. But lately they just don't tell me anything. I am constantly updating them about my life and asking them and trying for them to tell me about theirs but they don't say anything just a casual 'all good'

I can feel myself chipping away and I feel so alone. I'm not close to my siblings for certain reasons and the only parent that cares about me is my mum.

I've dedicated my whole life into trying to be the best friend for them and now I'm realising that I have no one else. They are pulling away from me and have each other and their other friends. I'm all on my own.

Ive asked them before if I am doing anything to upset them or make them not want to be friends with me. They constantly tell me that im sweet and kind and I'm their bestest friend.

So I just don't understand how or why they put no effort to stay friends with me. I'm tired of being the only one who seems to care about our friendship. I dont want to end our friendship though because they mean so much to me and I don't want to be alone. But I don't know how to keep going like this.

Constantly feeling unwanted and unneeded.

The world moves in patterns. Some call it fate, others call it coincidence. But she? She calls it cruel.

She didn’t mean to notice him. She didn’t mean to find comfort in his presence, in the way he existed so effortlessly while she felt like she was constantly trying to prove she belonged. But the universe, with all its twisted humor, the way the way it seemed to thread him into her life without permission. It kept bringing them together—always almost, never quite. It was infuriating. It was ridiculous. It was… comforting.

And maybe, just maybe, that was the scariest part.

Maybe it was a test. Maybe it was a lesson. Or maybe it was nothing at all, and she was just a fool searching for meaning where there was none.

But if that were true… why did it hurt?

Tuesday 4:48-4:57 February 4th.

I’m 14 and was volunteering at a musical. Devon asked for me the first time asking me to bring el to him and that I can’t tell anyone and to make sure she’s alone (she’s in tech) she said she had beef with him and didn’t wanna go alone so she brought leelind (10th grader also in tech) el said that he looked like he wanted to say something then leelind walked in and she asked about a student. Then he asked Tristan (in tech) to bring me (Kiera) to him. I walked in and said “what do you need” and he responded with “I don’t know how to ask you this but, I can’t get bricked. I’ve been sitting here trying to and I can’t get bricked.” And I said “ok? What am I supposed to do about your problem.” And he changed the subject by saying “has anyone uhh you know, hit a home run? (Basically asking me if I have had sex.) you know what mean right?” Then my friend Asten walked in and he completely changed the subject and then I paused to think about what I should do. I wanted to get out of the situation so I said “oh my mom’s calling me.” Then I left the room to call my mom and have her pick me up, but when. I called her Devon was waiting around the Corner for me to be done. I went into the back room where Eli was and told him what was happening and Ashton came in so I also told her. Eli then starting following me around to make sure Devon would stop following me. My mom was on her way and as I picked up my backpack he asked “do you wanna have sex” I told him no and that I had a boyfriend then he started asking who and followed me out. Luckily Eli Humphrey (in tech) followed me out to make sure Devon didn’t, luckily Devon stopped following me and then Eli made a comment saying “freaking pervert” acknowledging that Devon was being weird and harassing me. I then sprinted out of the school to my dad

This may be a little embarrassing but im on my period and ticked the fck off. I am a transmasc male and a teen. I recently got some boxers as part of my gender affirming care. So i got like 6 pairs in the pack. There's pink, black, blue, dark purple and tan. And the black ones are the only ones that don't show when i accidentally bleed through my pad. But my annoying little sister has been wearing my fucking underwear???? Like what the fuck?? Its gross. Yea maybe she's like me and masc or smt but still, that doesn't give her the right to put on my fucking boxers?? And then when i confronted her, she hid under a blanket. I gave up and started ranting to our oldest sibling about it and she started repeating 'get out' over and over again, like who the fck does she think she is?? Its not even her room! And then, when I don't leave, she grabs some type of like coloring book and raises it like she's going to throw it and i flinch (duh) and i just absolutely lost it. I screamed at her. Shes fucking mental. She's batshit crazy, she would've thrown it too if my oldest sibling wasn't it the room. She constantly hits me, hits my oldest sibling. I'm pissed off.

My parents are good people but it’s just that I can’t feel that spark of familiarity with them even though they are my biological parents. And I just don’t know what to do

I don’t know when exactly I started feeling like this, but lately, everything just feels heavy, like I am carrying a weight that nobody else can see, and no matter how much I try to shake it off, it just stays there. I wake up, go through the motions, smile when I need to, pretend everything is fine, but deep down, I keep wondering what the point of all this even is. What are the reasons to live when everything feels like too much? It is like my brain keeps whispering that nothing really matters, that I am just stuck in some cycle of existing without actually living. And maybe that is why I started thinking about reasons to live, because I know there have to be some, even if they feel impossible to see right now. The first reason, I guess, is that feelings are temporary. I have had bad days before, bad months even, and I got through them. I know I won’t always feel this way, even if my mind tries to tell me I will. The second reason is that there are still things I have not experienced, and I don’t want to leave without knowing what is out there. Maybe there is a city I have never been to that would make me feel alive in a way I never imagined. Maybe there is a song I have not heard yet that will give me chills or a book I will get lost in. Maybe there is a person I have not met yet who will change my whole life. And even if it takes time to find those things, I think they are worth waiting for. The third reason is the people who care about me, even if I sometimes convince myself they don’t. I know that if I disappeared, there would be people who would feel the weight of that forever, and I don’t want to be the reason someone else carries this kind of pain. The fourth reason is that I still have choices. As much as it feels like I am stuck, I know that life does not have to stay the same. If I hate my job, I can change it. If I feel lonely, I can try to reach out. If my life feels empty, I can fill it with new things. Nothing is set in stone, and that means there is always a way forward, even if I don’t see it yet. The fifth reason is that I have survived everything that has tried to break me so far, and that means I am stronger than I give myself credit for. If I made it through all the hard days before this, then maybe, just maybe, I can make it through this too. The sixth reason is that life is unpredictable, and while that can be terrifying, it also means that things can change in ways I never expect. A year from now, I could be in a completely different place, with different people, feeling completely different than I do now. And if there is even a small chance of that, then maybe I owe it to myself to stick around and see what happens. The seventh reason is that I don’t want my story to end like this. I don’t want this to be the final chapter. I don’t know what comes next, but I want to find out. Maybe the reasons to live aren’t always loud and obvious. Maybe they are just little things, like feeling the sun on my skin, drinking a cup of coffee in the morning, hearing my favorite song at the perfect moment. Maybe they are things I haven’t even thought of yet. But they are there, even when I can’t see them, and I am trying to hold onto them, even when everything in me wants to let go.

Hello, it's been a while since I opened this app. I don't know who I can talk about this to because I don't want to be judged by my friends, so I thought about talking here and ask for advice regarding this 🥲 There's this guy I like, since the start of the school year, he's the top 1 of our batch, really cute, and he's the youngest out of all of us. He's two years younger than me. I told his friend abt my small crush on him, and he told me that he's not interested in anyone and it's like he has his own world, after that talk I kind of hoped I had a small chance of him liking me back. But then recently, we had this class assignment in school where all of us should prepare a pretend wedding, and of course, in a wedding you're supposed to have a bride and a groom. I was chosen as the bride, and our class really wanted my crush to be the groom since we had past acting experiences where he was the male lead and I was the female lead. We asked him, and he replied with "What. I'll just stay at the food preparations... Give me 100k and I'll consider it" I don't know how to feel guys, I feel a bit heartbroken by that, but at the same time I don't know if I should feel this way since idk if he replied with that because I was the bride, or if he just doesn't want to be the groom I have been rlly obvious of liking him so maybe he's just uncomfortable with me. I just feel so sad and heartbroken because of his reaction like it made me rethink if I deserve to be loved ☹️☹️ His friend asked him again and we are still waiting for his reply because our classmates rlly want it to be him, but another guy stepped up and told me that he's willing to be the groom. Should I still wait for his reply or do we get the other guy instead to be our groom?? Sorry if it's kind of lengthy, I rlly need an advice guys 🙏 tysm!

I've been in a constant state of fight or flight, honestly I've been in crisis, since the election. I'm disabled, trans and intersex, other flavors of 'undesirable' in the eyes of the government. I was close to taking my life and writing hotlines pretty much everyday sobbing my eyes out. My psychiatrist said if I refused to be hospitalized (I did) then we were down to Spravato and Electroconvulsive Therapy... Yes, she basically said the only solution was nasal spray ketamine or electroshock. I wish I was joking. I'm allergic to so much that these three things were my only option left. Are my only option, but I'm just done. No. I refuse it all.

There's a decent chance ALL healthcare might be taken away from me soon anyhow.

I decided to give Spravato a try, I was really, really hoping it would work. It didn't. My blood pressure shot up so high I almost had to go to the ER, I couldn't stop panicking and crying, I almost threw up multiple times. I am familiar with dissociation, it's a horrendous feeling I get sadly often, but I can tell the... Cycle of it? I suppose? As in, even when dissociating or having derealization, I can tell when it's at it's worst and when it's staring to wane. With Spravato, not so, it was two hours of being at the worst part of all my dissociative episodes and panic attacks at once with no reprieve. Closing my eyes made it worse, I couldn't even try to sleep to get through it, I had so many nurses coming in and out. A random man who was there also getting Spravato himself came in and tried to talk me and my mother through it and reassure us that sometimes that that even still happened to him. I can remember the talking, but it's more like I'm looking back on a movie I watched, not something I witnessed. All that felt like it was me in that moment was the fear. Nausea. My heart wanting to break through my ribcage, the pain of each heartbeat, rattling in my brain of memories and thoughts both that I couldn't differentiate among other things. It was just too much.

Finally, finally after two hours it started to let up, they took my blood pressure and since it wasn't at a concerning level (it was not normal still but not medically concerning? I think?) I was allowed to come home. I almost threw up multiple times on the ride home.

I was essentially sedated for three or four days after, too tired to tell what I was feeling but knowing I wasn't happy or okay, just too tired to cry or panic anymore. My heart kept beating funny off and on, though, I kept getting chest pain off and on. It's still happening off and on and it's been a few weeks. I'm scared it permanently damaged my heart, I already have so much going on, I can't do it.

All therapeutic effects it had are gone, all the fear and grief and dread and pain are back in full force, my family is trying to convince me to try it again and I refuse. My mother told me, essentially, she liked me better sedated. My pain, my fear for my life under this regime in America with so much being taken away from me (after being attacked just getting groceries two weeks after the election by the way), is an inconvenience so I need to just "be normal."

I can't help but wonder if there's hidden meaning behind "be normal." I could get into the why, I could get into my whole life story leading up to this of medical malpractice, but I won't. It's too much. There's so much I need and want to say but what's even the point?

I suppose I'll end this with something that happened a few days ago that's still hurting me, that was my reason to coming to this site again. I still don't really know how it works, if you can see my other post, but it's pertinent to this if you can. I tried one more time, one more time to reach out to someone to help me, give me help feasible for me with all of my limitations. Admittedly, getting a bit angry, because all the "advice" given even when I explained my situation was things I couldn't do. I tried explaining again, and it was turned back on me. I'm apparently a fascist for saying poor, disabled, non-white and intersex people are being left out of people's consideration when giving queer (especially trans) Americans help or instructions to help themselves. I was apparently posting "fascist bait" and somehow I'm also a Nazi? I don't even know. All I said was that I needed help, I just needed some steps given to me to take to try and get myself safe, to a better place. Then, got frustrated, and said their advice wasn't even advice for me or many others in my situation. It felt like dismissal and a "welp not my problem- figure it out!" and I said so. I said that people need to stop leaving the most vulnerable of the lgbtqia2p community in the dust and this girl got four other people to gang up on me.

I give up. I deleted all social media, I feel hopeless but won't write Trevor or 988, no one wants to help me. No one who can will, because I'm "not valuable" enough. Not to another country, not even to a blue state, nothing at all. I need too much help, have too many targets on my back, and have the nerve to point out that people are pulling the ladder up behind them once they get theirs and seeing certain parts of the community in the dust. Even some trans people are, mainly those of us that are poor and or disabled, intersex and or non-white. Of which I am all of.

And now I sit here alone, sad, thinking about everything and wishing I could close my eyes and wake up anybody else tomorrow. Wake up and find out this was all just a bad dream.

No, I'm not going to do anything to myself, I'm just so tired. If you can see people's past posts on here, again, what I said before sort of gives more context but even with both these two posts it's not everything going on with me.

Goodnight, I guess.

I have no ambition. I like to be with my electronics so no one can bother me no one can tell me what to do because what’s the point. I loose motivation for any new thing that I do. I’m almost 20 years old and still living with my parents. I want to move out but even I don’t feel like I can. I want to talk to a friend but I’m nervous and no matter what I do I can never escape the nervousness. I know this seems out of place but I just need to vent. Because at this point I’m just lost

My husband has always had custody of his son. I came in the picture when he was 1 years old. Bio mom shows her face a few times a year. Normally on holidays when she likes to throw a fuss that she IS the mother and deserves to see/have him for holidays but otherwise doesn't bother with him any other time. Just for back story she has never worked, never provided for the child in any way, has never bought clothing or furniture or anything of the sort for my son. She also has another kid about 9 months younger than my son. And amongst a plethora of other issues, she will occasionally DEMAND hand-me-downs from my son because her other child "deserves them"/"deserves to feel close to his brother." To the point of questioning me when i list up things on Facebook market place as to why I am doing that and not just giving her the things. Or when I list them on freecycle again throwing a tantrum that they were not offered to her first . When he does outgrow toys that were given to him by her (which doesn't happen often because they are usually cheap and break before that can happen) they are offered back to her. But seeing as how my husband, his family, my family or myself solely support my son's every want and need i feel it is within my right to do whatever I want with what is ours and think it is ridiculous she thinks she has a right to them in any way.

(18, job program student)

My horticulture teacher has been sharing emotional things that we don't need to hear about, and it's been pissing me off and making me uncomfortable. It's not directly at us, it's over our heads and to the assistant that she's comfortable with, but she says things like:

"Does a blow to your self-esteem,"

"Nothings keeping me here."

Among other things she'd openly vent about that would give me a weird gut feeling. Catering to an adult's emotions has been emotionally triggering for me (30s or 40s+ specifically). I don't say anything to give advice to her or make her feel better whatsoever, I'm more inclined to tell her to STFU. She wouldn't go out in full paragraphs, just a sentence or a few words.

I've thought about reporting it, but I value the good relationship I have w/ her. And it would make things awkward and I feel like it would heavily embarrass her - but she done something wrong, I don't really need to give a full shit.

I think I might say something directly to her to keep things to herself, like "Can you keep these things to yourself?" I'd see it at something far better and quicker.

I've already had an incident where an assistant (who doesn't cater to me anymore) said that whenever I left early, they don't get paid as much in a day. I had a full-blown, horrible moral OCD panic attack that same night. He got scolded by 3 people (an ex-worker and 2 staff) when the news broke out, possibly even more

I'm not responsible for their feelings. I'm not responsible for their paychecks. I'm not responsible for their consequences that are set against them. I've been doing my best to reassure myself of that.

The best outcome is that she never vents in class again and I don't need to say a thing.

When I come to the U.S., I was only 8 years old. My mom and dad bring me and my little sister from Mexico, saying we gonna have better life, better future. I believe them, I really do. But now, I am 26, and sometimes, I still don’t feel like I belong here. I do everything like American people—I go school here, I work here, I even speak English good (okay, not perfect, but good enough, I think). But still, when people look at me, I know they see different. They ask me, "Where you from?" and when I say, "Oh, I grew up here," they just look at me like they don’t believe me. Like I have to explain more. Sometimes I say, "I’m from Mexico," just to make it easy, but then they ask, "Oh, so you not American?" And I don’t know what to say. What I am? I am both. But also, maybe neither.

Life as first generation immigrant is... weird. I grow up in house where everything is Mexican—food, music, telenovelas, my parents speaking Spanish all the time. But outside, everything is American. I go to school, and kids make fun of my lunch because it smell “weird.” Teachers say my name wrong, so I stop correcting them. I try so hard to fit in, but at home, my mom tell me, "No te olvides de dónde vienes." Don’t forget where you come from. And I try, but sometimes I feel like I am too Mexican for Americans, but too American for Mexicans. I go back to visit family in Mexico, and my cousins laugh at my Spanish. "Hablas como gringo," they say. They right, I guess. But then here, people tell me, "Wow, your English is so good!" like they surprise. So, what am I? Where do I belong? I don’t know. And maybe, I never will.

I'm a 20-year-old woman and im living with my parents while at collage since I can't afford a place to live also i live not that far from it. I love my stepfather a lot, he's been there in my life more that my biological father, which I am forever grateful. But sometimes his anger when i do some wrong, thinking i said something and i said something else or forget things, is too much. When I was younger, living with him, I was crying all the time because of how he screamed at me. Like i think i developed so many insecurity and anxiety of it. Now that I am older and talked to him about it, he always says “That is how i always talk, you should be used to it by now" And i am used to it im so numbed by it i just cry and block out whatever he says really even though i get that hes genuine criticizing me. I think he's frustrated of staying at home and not working and our economic troubles, that's why I try to help with paying stuff.

Sorry for the writing im just exhausted also I've made a routine of doing chores at the house so he doesn't call me out on it again. Then he comes and says, "why you always act like a robot”

Also, English is not my first language so there's might be some inconsistencies there's more i want to say but i have to do some assignments bye <3

Me and my boyfriend have been together soon to be two years now. I oftentimes have had to reprimand him about stupid stuff like him being overly kind to women and allowing it to cut into time that me and him spend together, but today I have found a rather compelling... Well... Discovery. So, he's been struggling with finding and keeping work but he always has money somehow. I did some snooping,(I know, I'm sorry) under suspicion that I'd find out maybe he has an alternative way of making money like OF or something but instead... He's been lying to women and "flirting" with them and making false promises to meet up with them, only to take money from them and end up spending it on me. (Gifts, dates, stuff I ask for or sometimes I post on my story.) The money he gets from working with his family, he spends on himself. I don't know what to say or do. As good as our relationship is, I've never expected some shit like this. I don't know. I am at a loss for words. I had to get it off my chest because I knew it'd eat me up knowing all day and not processing it. What the hell do I even do? Where do I start? It's only ever been women that have ignored the fact he tells them he's with me, or women who've been under my comments calling me ugly or fat or some shit. I can't even come up with the words.

4, I have had a total of 4 friends who have either cut, or cut currently. I dont know why but for some reason i feel as if it is my fault. I feel like if i had just stepped up i could have helped them. At one point i attempted to cut myself, but someone walked in, luckly, they didn't see me. I am the youngest of 4 in my family, and feel as though i have to do something different, as most of my siblings have done/are doing great things. I feel the wieght of all their success on my shoulders, and i can still hear every hurtful thing they have ever said repeating in my head, but it isnt just theirs, but every single hurtful thing i have ever heard. I constantly tell myself that i am not good enough and i have had others say the same to my face and, quite literally, behind my back. I have gone through years of bullying and i cry myself to sleep most nights. I also don't think my trauma is important enough so i dont share to my friends or family. My dad, siblings, and ex made me insecure about talking to much, and a girl named Harlow Curry made me insecure about being fat and ugly. I tell myself they were simply telling the truth, and that it isnt their fault. Everything that has ever happened to me, someone else has a worse story and makes mine sound fine, they say that mental abuse doesn't count as abuse, but i attempted suicide once and people still dont care. I have started to agree with them and now every second of every day there is a voice saying that i am not good enough and that my trauma doesn't matter, and finally, that everything bad is always my fault, yes, even things out of my control. But it also say that everything good i have done doesn't matter.