Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 4

Some years ago I got into a long-distance (me 14, him 16) and obviously it was a relationship that turned out to be really unhealthy. He was rude to me and others, made disgusting comments, dragged me into a weird situation with one of his friends, used me for things I was too young to understand, denied to make calls and hid me completely from his life. I tried to contact him a month after we broke up, and he told me he'd "see if we could continue together." He ignored my messages and was a bit rude, so I decided to tell him that "if he didn't think we could stay together he should just tell me"; next day he told me everything was my fault.

Four months after we ended, he got a new girlfriend and suddenly she was everywhere. Meanwhile, I ended up struggling with psychosis and even now dealing with loss of sensation on one side of my body.

Now I'm around my 20's, I live alone abroad, I have a stable job, I've managed to keep my health in order and I've found a stable partner. A few weeks ago, as a joke, we looked up my ex’s account. He’s still with the girl he once told me was just his “best friend,” they live together and are planning to get married. In her videos he looks like the perfect partner and I bet he changed; but there's one that was posted months after the breakup, they meet in person and she referred to him as a healthy person.

A few days later I ended up in the hospital after a crisis at work, and they told me I showed symptoms of a possible stroke.

I’m starting therapy again soon because I don't want to lose the battle so young, but holding all of this in until then feels impossible. Any opinion would be accepted and really loved by my heart!

Maybe i'm not kind. Or Loving. or sweet. Or even good. But you're not safe. You're violent and aggressive and always look to hurt people when you don't like them. And no i can't think about you and accomodate you because all i'm thinking about around you Is that i'm unsafe and i have to escape.

So you insult me, don't let me speak, threaten to harm me because you're not able to have a normal conversation and i'm the arrogant one with my head up my butt? Really?

I been trying to figure out how to even say this without sounding like I’m tripping over my own feet, which honestly is kinda how I write anyway, so maybe that fits. I’m 27, a guy, and for two years I been with this wonderfull dude who is so completely, wholeheartedly, intensly aligned with everything "pride." Like he waves the flag, he quotes activists like “Love is not a crime,” he goes to events, he paints tiny rainbows on plant pots for fun, and he does all that stuff with this sweet energy that should make me feel lifted but instead sometimes it just makes me shrink. Not because I don’t love him, God, I do, but because I don’t assume my gayness. I feel like I’m the opposite of pride, like a walking “don’t look at me” sign, and I wonder if anyone else ever sits in a room full of cheering people and thinks: “Is it okay that I’m scared?” He’ll smile at me in that soft way, and I keep thinking, I wish I could smile back bigger; The thing is, I wasn’t raised to be open about anything. My family doesn’t hate gay people or whatever, but it was this strange “we don’t talk about emotions” house, and I guess I inhaled all that silence like dust. So when my boyfriend says stuff like, “We should go to Pride this summer,” I can’t help panicing a little. But I wanna be polite, I wanna be a good partner, so I try to say yes even if my voice cracks. One time we were holding hands at a bus stop and this kid smiled at us, and he said it was beautifull, but I thought my heart was gonna jump out my mouth like some cartoon. Still, I’m trying, and maybe that’s something. I keep telling myself hope is a slow-growing thing, like those stubbron plants that only bloom once a year. Do you think it’s possible to love someone with your whole chest but still fear the space your love takes up in the world? Because that’s exactly where I’m standing, like on the edge of something I wanna want more confidentley. My boyfriend says I’ll get there "when I’m ready," and maybe he’s right. I’m not proud, but I’m not hopeless eitherr 🙂

Anyway, the second thing I wanted to talk about, and please don’t judge how messy this is because I warned you I’m a terrible writter, is how sometimes the simplest moments make me feel like maybe I’m changing without noticing. Like we were in the kitchen last week, burning pancackes because neither of us knows how to multitask, and he said, “Hey, you know I don’t love you because you’re proud. I love you because you’re you.” And I swear something in me cracked open but in a good way. It reminded me of that line in a book I read once, “Courage is just fear that has said its prayers,” which felt weirdly fitting even though I’m not religous. I told him about how I still feel like hiding sometimes, and he said he does too, which surprised the hell outta me because he always looks so steddy. I’m trying to hold on to that thought: even the proud ones get scared. Maybe being the opposite of pride doesn’t mean being broken, maybe it just means being in proggress. I try to take small steps: letting him kiss me in public when no one’s around, talking about my feelings even if the sentences come out crookedd, trying to breathe through the panic instead of shoving it down. And I wanna be polite to myself too, which I’m learning is harder than being polite to other people. So here I am, asking you, any of you reading, do you think someone like me can someday stand next to someone like him without feeling like I’m a shadow next to a fire? I’m hopeful. I really am. Even if my hope still feels like a begginer...

I used to be the employee who always got a lot of work, whenever it was related to my specialty, the requests would come to me nonstop. But lately, things have shifted. It feels like they’ve reduced my workload pretty significantly.

On the positive side, I now have more work-life balance. But at the same time, it scares me. What if they’re slowly lowering my workload because they plan to replace me with someone cheaper, or because they think I’m not competent? That thought really worried me at first, especially with how tough the job market is right now and the fact that I have rent and bills to pay.

But slowly, I’m learning to surrender and accept things as they are. I know I’ve done my best, and I’ve never missed a single deadline since the day I started this job.

There is nothing left.

I am ruined.

You are the reason.

You are the cure.

i don’t even know why I’m so nervous after all these years, maybe because I’m 54 now and everything feels more fragile, even the things I thought I had figured out. I’ve been working in this company for more than 20 years, through restructurations, new managements, endless workflow updates and all the “as per our last email” nonsense that comes with corporate life. and now that I finally have something for myself, my little office at home, the massage table set up, the kinesiology charts pinned on the wall, my magnets sorted in a drawer like some kind of treasure chest, I’m scared stiff of telling my boss I’m quiting. Isn’t that stupid? after two decades of performance reviews, KPI check-ins, regular compliance training and being told I’m “a strong asset”, I should be able to say one simple thing: “I’m leaving.” But he likes the job I do, he always says it, sometimes I even think he relies too much on me. And he doesn’t believe in kinesiology at all, he once called it “that body energy thingy you see on TV” and laughed. So how do I bring this up without sounding like I’ve lost my mind, or like I’m running away from the whole production chain just to go hug crystals ✨?

The weirdest thing is, I’m not unsure about the choice itself. I’m ready. really ready. I’ve read so many books, done trainings, passed exams, practiced on friends, even did a few sessions with co-workers who were brave enough to let me test muscle responses on them. One of them told me, “Honestly, it kinda worked,” which is still my favorite feedback ever. I’ve been doing the logistics too, registering my activity, checking insurance requirements, planning the client intake forms, trying to figure out how to explain muscle testing without sounding like a witch. everything is in place, even the scent diffuser that smells like eucalyptus went crazy last night for some reason. And yet, I freeze every time I imagine the conversation with my boss. He’s not a bad guy, just very...pragmatick. “Evidence-based or nothing,” he told me once when we were talking about stress. I know he’ll look at me like I told him I’m leaving to go join a circus. Should I try small talk first? Should I just say it straight? have you ever had to quit a job when the person in charge thinks your next career is bogus; because that’s exactly my situation and I feel like I’m rehearsing a script that won’t sound right no matter what?

Another part of me still remembers the early days when I was doing data-entry and he was still learning the ropes himself. there was this one time, during a big audit, where I stayed until midnight to help clean up the regulatory documentatoin, and he told everyone the next day, “She saved our asses.” That stuck with me for years, maybe too much. maybe that’s why I feel like announcing my departure is like betraying some old unwriten pact. But I can’t spend the rest of my life worrying about whether someone else is disappointed because I want to follow my own path. I’ve spent over two decades dealing with supply chain anomalies, preparing monthly reports, making sure the backoffice processes don’t collapse over a missing signature, and honestly it’s enough. My body is tired. My shoulders are constantly tight. last winter, I kept thinking, “If I’m helping everyone else stay on track, who’s helping me?” That was the moment I knew something had to change, even if the change made no sens to anyone else. My sister even told me, “At your age, people slow down, not start new weird careers.” But I’m not slowing down, I’m redirecting. Isn’t that allowed?

So now I’m drafting the resignatoin letter, with typos everywhere because my hands are shaking like an idiot. I wrote, “Thank you for the opprotunity,” and didn’t even correct it yet. maybe it shows how human this all is. Maybe it’s fine. The real challenge is deciding whether to explain everything or keep it short. Do I say “I’m becoming a kinesiologist and magnetizer,” or do I just say “pursuing a personnal project”? I keep hearing his voice saying, “We need you in the Q3 cycle,” and I know the timing sucks, but if I don’t do it now, I’ll never do it. life isn’t waiting for the perfect slot in the operational calendar; and neither am I. I keep thinking of that line from a book I read years ago: “Sometimes the door is open, but you have to be the one who walks through.” So maybe that’s what I’ll do. maybe I’ll sit down in his office, smile politely, and say, “I need to talk to you about something important.” And then I’ll just breathe and hope the world doesn’t fall appart. After all, if I can help clients align their energies, surely I can survive telling one man I’m moving on. Right?

So they are my childhood friends who make fun of only me and i was so naive back then but now also it's just like i am almost scared of them like if i say something wrong they are gonna say something and whenever i see them now it's like all the fun they made of me or all the whispers i heard or the judging comes flowing back but then there's a very little part who thinks like they are my friends like i spent half of my life with them so i just go meet them and after meeting then it just feels bad even if they are good to me at that time i just can't trust them because they prove me wrong everytime i thik they are nice to me it's like idk. and one more thing all those years i just used to laugh with them and then come home and cry so much like i had more bad memoris of them than good

Ok so here goes nothing i have been in a pickle for this thing for the longest time because idk so umm from grade 5 i was in the same section till grade 10 and all of the students were same and my friend group consisted of almost the whole class so there were 2 kinf of people one they made fun of me my facial features and my past like what i used to do as a kid and i clearly gave them signs that don't talk like that but yk looking back thery just made fun of me 96ercent of the time we were togther yk i get like wanting to laugh but why would they only talk about me idk is this normal or am i being dramatic ? and there are type 2 people who think i am not just on their level because i don't have enough money i have heard them whispering about me or sometimes they would say it to my face but all i did was i kept quiet idk if these friends are really my friends or not ?

ok seriously i dont think i can survive tonight

i am scared to comeback home, i still remrmber my trauma from my dad its not going away, and he started shouting about how theres secrets being kept and i feel those secrets are keeping me alive and maybe free idk, im scared to come home now, i thibk killing myself is the only option, no ones saving me, im fucked, i dont deserve a family, im fucking everything up all the time, im lazy seriously

I think I might be the floater friend. I used to have a friend group of four people including me. I was actually the last one to be included, and I tend to be the quiet one while the other three are the ones who talk all the time. But that doesn’t mean I never react to their messages, I do. I’m just not the type who likes to initiate conversations all the time, especially when there’s nothing happening in my life.

But I can sense them slowly drifting away from me. I feel like one of them is the “leader” of the group, and she’s the one who kind of decides where the relationship goes between all of us. I recently found out they went back to their old group chat where I’m not included. I asked if something was going on, and we talked it out, but in the end they still ended up talking only among themselves.

Honestly, it really sucks. I feel excluded, but there’s nothing more I can do because I’ve already addressed it, and everything after that feels out of my control. I guess I’ll just let this friendship slowly fall apart.

Ummm so i need advise on something my cousin sister who is currently 16 yrs old had a bf in the past but i didn't like him i told her to her face that don't hong out with him i don't like him but soon what happened was her family found out and they freaked out because if you don't know indian families they are not just any asian families where they allow sometimes its like really strict if you get caught it's like you did a crime so they found out and then his bf idk yelled at my cousins dad or hit him so he was sent to boarding school bhut then he returned and i saw him a few days ago and now my sister told me that he told my cousib's little sister if she is not talking to me i will make her by slaping her and now idk what to do i can't just let both of my little sister's in danger and the fact is my cousin's dad is relly innocent he doesn't do fights and stuff and its my mom's side of family and they are calm i think if i tell them that they will just blame my cousin so who should i tell idk tell me plss ??? i can't help but overthink

I took a few tests and they all say that I'm at risk of an eating disorder but I don't know if they're like accurate or not so if you could give me like accurate test that's very pretty cool because I don't think that I'm at risk because I'm not like really skinny you know so I don't think I am but if you guys have any accurate test that'd be pretty cool

love,

Melody (13 f)

I'm not completely sure if these are forms of self harm but I like bite myself till I bruise and sometimes the bruising is bad but no one can see it because I bit myself close to the shoulder and I were short sleeves that cover it and I also bang my head against the wall but it's not cutting myself or like you know so I don't know if that's so hard it's just not leaving anymore on myself because I had a sibling that did so far and they have these marks and stuff like that but I don't so I don't know if it counts if you have any questions or anything just ask in the comments and if you have any advice just leave it too thank you

love,

Melody (13 f)

I went upstairs because I had been around family all day seeing as its sunday a church day for us as I type this but when I did I hear my grandmother talking behind my back about how she doesnt want to be the bad guy anymore about standing up to my grandpa and how much I ate at dinner when all I had was some gumbo which wasnt my favorite, two mints, and one donut. I know it sounds like a lot but ever since getting on my anti depressant my want to eat has returned but she also goes on and on about me getting a job when they havent taken me to get my permit at all or even made time for me to get it plus I live in a small town thats kind of labeled as a dying town by some of the others living here so finding a job will be a hurdle more then likely unless the local bank or something wants to hire by some miracle. Im also a women however and a lot of the people here that I know of have been arrested for drug use so it wouldnt be smart to work at a gas station but to get out I would do it even with risk just to finally be safe and not have my own family talk about me behind my back granted they probably still will when I move out but at least I dont have to hear it then.