Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 6

I’m 29, married, and honestly, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me sometimes. My husband is, by all observable metrics, a good man. He hasn’t given me any concrete reason to question his fidelity since we’ve been together. He texts back promptly, he doesn’t hide his phone, and he makes time for me even when he’s dead tired from work. But despite all of that, I have this insidious, gnawing insecurity that crawls up my spine whenever I see him laughing at something on his phone or when he takes a few minutes too long to reply. Maybe I’m just paranoid—or maybe I’m responding to unresolved trauma masquerading as intuition. I wish I could say I’ve always been this suspicious, but the truth is, I used to be chill as hell in past relationships. It’s like something cracked open in me the day I found out he cheated on his ex-wife.

Now before anyone jumps on the "once a cheater, always a cheater" bandwagon, let me just say: people can change. We’ve all heard the quote, "Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future." That said, how do you trust someone who’s proven capable of deception? Especially when you weren’t the one who got lied to, but you know someone else was. My husband admitted it pretty early in our relationship. He said, "I was a different man back then," like that version of him lived in another body entirely. He didn’t justify it, which I appreciated—he just owned it. And for some dumb reason, maybe arrogance, maybe naïveté, I believed I could be the exception. I thought I was different enough, good enough, smart enough to be the woman he wouldn’t betray. But now, two years into this marriage, that knowledge lingers like an app running in the background, draining my emotional battery even when everything seems fine on the surface.

I catch myself analyzing his tone, his body language, even the most mundane changes in routine. If he skips his morning kiss or seems distracted during dinner, my mind starts constructing hypothetical infidelity timelines with CIA-level detail. It’s exhausting. It’s like being your own private investigator in a case that hasn’t even been opened yet. What’s worse is that I know how unfair it is. He doesn’t deserve to be interrogated every time he has a bad day. I read somewhere that "projection is when you dislike something about yourself and attribute it to someone else"—and maybe that’s what I’m doing. Maybe I’m projecting my fear of not being enough onto him. Maybe I’m scared he’ll do to me what he did to her because deep down, I think I’m just as disposable. Isn’t that pathetic? To measure your self-worth based on someone else’s sins?

And still, I don’t want to be this woman. I don’t want to play emotional detective or police someone I claim to love. I want to trust him, truly trust him, not just say it and hope my voice doesn’t crack. I’ve been seeing a therapist who specializes in relationship anxiety and attachment theory, and she said something that hit me hard: "You’re not reacting to him—you’re reacting to the narrative you’ve built around what he might do." That stopped me cold. Because she’s right. I’m so damn focused on worst-case scenarios that I’m sabotaging the best-case reality. He’s here. He’s loyal—at least from everything I’ve seen. He still reaches for my hand in bed, still brags about me to his friends, still asks for my opinion before making big decisions. How much more evidence do I need before I stop treating him like a ticking time bomb?

So I guess I’m asking: why am I so insecure in my relationship? Is it self-esteem? Is it trauma? Is it just me being a dramatic, controlling idiot? I’m trying to get better. I read books. I journal. I’m taking SSRIs. I’m not passive about this, because if there’s one thing I don’t want, it’s to become the reason this marriage crashes. He’s not perfect—none of us are—but he’s trying, and so am I. There’s this quote from Esther Perel that I remind myself of often: "Trust is built in drops and lost in buckets." I know I need to give him those drops, not with blind faith, but with informed hope. I need to believe that growth is real, and that past behavior, while informative, is not always predictive. I’m learning to accept that the only control I really have in this relationship is over my own reactions and assumptions; and maybe that’s enough to start turning this fear into peace—even if it’s one difficult, imperfect day at a time.

Thanks for reading 😘

I dunno what to do ahahahahaa.. the loml is stalking me. Hahahahah .. it's a bit a grey area it's a good and a bad situation pls help hahahahaha I'm going crazy.

My aunt had a saying when we where little that was a snippit from a church song reworded that went "Jesus said love everyone treat them kindly too, if your heart is filled with poo, no one will live you". To be honest why is it that my family acts like thats a foreign concept, and we aren't even foreign where a freaking white medium Christian family. Its like no one knows how to be kind and no one knows what being a decent human being is like.

On another note I kinda feel like a hyprocrite for wishing for everyone to be different, because i'm the one who cant pick up on social cues and always says the wrong thing. And at this point in my life I feel like saying I have mildish high functioning autism sounds like a stupid excuse.

I have a bunch of sister, mostly older and a twin as well (non identical) and they make me want to kill myself and i'm not saying that in a joking way. Like how is it that every friend I make leaves me for my extroverted sister? It's not like i did anything wrong i really tried to stay their friends but after they meet alice they act like im boring. Some of my other sister seem to always put in the effort to make it seem like i'm trying to be weird and mentally ill but I wish I wasn't, because its not like im even a cool level of mentally ill, im the type that gets called slurs and doesn't make friends unless its to people who don't have there own friends. Even then they always then meet each other through me and kind of forget about me.

Lastly what i'm going to vent about is relationship stuff. So I have a girlfriend and she's nice and I think I like her? I don't really know what it's supposed to feel like. I felt like a bad partner for dating her not even telling her i'm genderfluid when she's a lesbian, but weirdly when i told her she didn't even act like she supported me more like it didn't matter. We are both very adhd and it's long distance anyways (just across town because we go to different high schools and we both don't have cars) so we don.t get to talk a lot so i feel like i'm not there for her anyways. Just in all I haven't figured myself out yet when it comes to romantic relationships, I might be on some spectrum of ace. But I'm just so done with people I just might be mixing up my feelings or something? I don't know. Oki thats it :))

This is somewhat a continuation of my previous story.

Recently I came across some of the reels James has liked, and frankly I am worried because if I’m getting recommended these reels, there is a chance Jess (his girlfriend) is getting recommended them too.

The reason I’m worried because the reels he has been liking makes Jess look bad. From what I know this is James’ first real and serious relationship. He has had been in an extremely short relationship with another girl but it didn’t even last a week. So when he is liking these reels, I am almost positive that it is in relation to Jess.

For context, Jess absolutely loves watching this drama/romance reality TV show (kind of like a guilty pleasure), and James thinks the TV show is dumb.

The reels he has been liking are criticizing women who watch that show: saying things like the show promotes promiscuity, women who watch that show have no loyalty. I was so shocked seeing him liking these reels because I know how much Jess loves watching that show, so for her boyfriend to be liking these reels seems so… off?

What really made me want to post this story is a different reel though. It was a reel that said something along the lines of: ‘Seeing your girlfriend defend another man to you is one of the most embarrassing things a lot of men experience.’

I am just confused how he can like reels like those without thinking how it makes his own girlfriend look. His friends are on IG, other family members (on both sides) are on IG, etc. I think this is such a bad look for her AND him, but maybe I’m just old school? Maybe this is how couples operate in this newer generation? But this still seems so off to me… am I seeing this wrong? I would like to know how other people perceive this.

Everyone is so mean to me, like really mean!!!! I do not even understand what the hell is going on anymore?? I'm 19 and I go to uni like everyone else, I’m studying communications and marketing which is supposed to be all about people and connection and empathy and whatever, but none of these girls in my program act like they’ve even seen a human being before!!! They literally look at me like I’m dirt on their shoes, and I swear it’s just cause I’m hot. I look older than them, maybe mid-20s or something, I’ve been told that a million times at parties or events, and somehow that’s enough for these girls to start whispering and side-eyeing me??? I walk into a seminar room and it's dead silence. Dead. Like did I say something to them??? No. Never. I'm polite, I say hi, I try to make convo, but no. They just act cold as ice like I'm some alien with a disease. It's so pathetic honestly.

And yes, I have an OnlyFans, so what???? What’s the issue???? I make real money. Like more than enough to cover rent, tuition, food, and still have nice things. My content is nothing extreme, nothing illegal, nothing wild — it’s art, okay?? High-quality photography, consistent brand aesthetic, SEO optimization, smart pricing tiers, premium subscriber rewards — it’s literally textbook content marketing but with my face and body, so of course it works. But these girls act like I committed murder!!! I heard one of them saying "at least I’m not selling myself online" like?? Babe, I’m not selling myself. I’m selling a lifestyle, a vibe, a curated digital persona that pays for my goddamn bills while you’re still begging your dad to Venmo you 20 bucks for takeout. Grow up. Stop acting like I’m some kind of danger to the institution of higher education or whatever. You're just bitter.

It’s been like this since the second week of semester. First week they were fake-nice, you know? Those little “omg we should study together!” type lies. Then they all slowly ghosted me. I had one girl literally leave a group project and switch teams just cause she “didn’t feel comfortable.” Like be real, what part of me is uncomfortable??? Is it the fact I have better makeup? Is it cause I know how to dress well for my body type and don’t show up in wrinkled leggings and knock-off Crocs?? Or is it cause guys on campus actually talk to me, and it bothers you that I don’t even chase them? They come to me. They ask ME for notes. They offer ME rides. Maybe focus on why you hate yourself so much that you think someone else’s success is a personal attack. Like what even is the psychology behind that????

But whatever. I’m not gonna lie and say it doesn’t hurt — it really freaking does. I go home some days and just cry, cause it’s lonely out here when you’re actually doing well for yourself and no one claps for you. Like damn, I’m 19, I’m running a profitable content platform with solid monthly growth, I ace my presentations, and I still get treated like trash by basic girls who can't even spell "algorithm." 😤 But I’m not gonna stop. No way. I love how I look, I love making money, and I love the future I’m building. If you hate me for that, that says way more about you than it ever will about me. Maybe one day they’ll grow up and realize the world isn’t high school anymore. Until then, I’ll be doing me — and maybe that’s enough. Or maybe not???

So I met this Muslim girl online we were the same age practically and split by a month(13f) and 14f),

So she’s Muslim and I’m Christian (both girls). So we were talking for a while.. started to get closer and yk.. saying we loved each other and pet names. And honestly I loved her and I still do..?

Turns out she has a bf. But what we were doing wasn’t really dating? Dating without the label. So we acted like a couple and wanted to be one but we couldn’t. She was Muslim and a girl. And I was Christian and a girl. It was a SIN. So we just kept it “casual” even though we’ve been intim*te before. So after she told me she had a bf i obviously got jealous over time? She was my friend. I knew her better than him. I knew when she was unhappy, happy, depressed, bored, sad, angry, etc. and she chose to keep us both. So I was getting annoyed, I’m not your girlfriend but we act like it? That doesn’t make sense. But this damned religion is keeping her away from me.

So after a couple weeks she soon was acting different? She has a new boyfriend and still with me. She’s acting… weirder? Like s*xual and inappropriate, but with another person(not me or her bf) so obviously I’m annoyed??? So I start slowly cutting her off and hinting to her I don’t like this. So she listens and stops for a bit before randomly spiraling. This isn’t the first time this has happened. She’s thr*atening me to k*ll herself? So first of all. I’m freaked out and panicking to help her and convince her not to and she’s having flipped emotions. ||||||| after i calmed her down she soon starts flirting with me so i tell her to stop or she’ll regret it later(religion.)

So later on she starts acting s*xual to other people again so this time i cut her off. Because I’ve told her not to CLEARLY and it’s making me jealous. And honestly it was emotionally exhausting, but I still really liked her?

So it really ended suddenly and I hope she’s okay? But I’d honestly talk to her again. And I ended up friends with her boyfriend lol!! (ONLY FRIENDS.) and he’s nice! He’s got a new girlfriend with my other friend!! (It’s a whole gc with 10 ppl)

How do you cope with a hard week? I'm fine but I'm kinda worry because my pet's not ok, she's going to the vet this friday and I'm feeling a little bit sad for it. She's been dealing with some issues with her health state for a while but it's not that serious... I hope she'll be fine after all... But still sometimes the doubt and worries remain...

There's a girl at work I like, but she's not my cup of tea. I sense she's interested in something beyond that, but I'm not. I sense she's somewhat delusional and capable of bursting into tears if her dream isn't fulfilled to the letter, if even the slightest change occurs. I don't want her to be the one directing the relationship, because otherwise, I'll be at the mercy of her dominance, with serious work-related repercussions resulting from the disappointment if I give in. If I were to propose to continue a relationship with her on an ongoing basis, it would be like holding her in that dream, no matter what, taking advantage of it, since she gains power over me: being however she wants in exchange, of course, for not breaking that dream.

I don't see a girl with prodigious mental health as a prerequisite, since her desire is to succumb to disappointment. Without the emotional management that subsequently impacts social situations to maintain relief, there's no possibility of a deep relationship, whether romantic or even dating. I continue to be amazed at how people give up on the illusion of being liked by another person and don't first examine the person they're dealing with. This leads me to a modus operandi that doesn't take responsibility for visualizing where the next step, which they sense they're going to take blindly, given their impulses, will lead.

In these circumstances, my dear friends, I understand the need to take risks, but there's also the need to observe, at least as far as you can see, which in itself is important for making decisions. There are undoubtedly times when the challenge will be worthwhile, but that's only if, based on our vision, we don't see anything that threatens our stability. The point is whether it's just right. Indeed, we can talk about difficulties; however, these seem valid to me when they enter into an axis that results in enrichment, which they all are. However, there are times when they arise and they correspond only to the need to distance oneself, since in our modus operandi there is no such enrichment, but rather an abandonment.

It's painful for me to feel that I cannot succumb with complete peace of mind to this woman because I am also eager for a relationship, even though I adore my solitude. My solitude stems precisely from accepting that I am capable of developing alone rather than in a group, because I haven't found a group that casts doubt on this idea, but rather reinforces it. Which makes me think that perhaps I only visualize those who make me feel that it's better to be alone, referring, of course, to my past, where being under a hegemony and consecrated as a family for my family, I saw solitude as a path to development.

Nowadays, I find it difficult to think of a group that supports my development, although I can't say that being alone isn't the first step toward such an issue. It's first about seeing where we're coming from, a question that speaks to our environment and, at the same time, a distancing from it, and then moving toward where we feel framed in terms of such an exercise in development. We can say they are stages. The relationships I've had before have been more of a way out of such a hegemonic family situation, given the excitement it holds for me. But the very effect of this very situation undermined me. Ultimately, in a hegemonic system, its origin lies in a heightened illusion about oneself, specifically in behavior.

I wish the circumstances with this girl were different, as in other cases, but it must be said that her usefulness to my well-being wasn't in deepening the relationship for a shared destiny, but rather to point out that I wasn't yet ready to leave such an environment, because, in principle, there isn't the distancing that would make it so. Physical distance in this sense was, like courtship, also a very attractive and widely accepted call. However, stability would depend on maintaining the hope with which I would be received. In itself, there was no escape. Furthermore, other interested individuals of different kinds would not be able to contemplate me because, in principle, I would not be able to contemplate them, and neither would they in me because I harbor fear of the environment in the midst of getaways, which implies the production of inconveniences to their stability. By nature, we all seek that which does not provide them, although sometimes this is in such demand that it is very expensive, as can be a blur, as are courtships and physical distances that were sometimes recommended to me, as I was told.

It's clear that family situations can't be resolved with easy solutions, because such complexity permeates the modus operandi and makes such an easy solution a path to another hell, but one that's more comforting thanks to the cessation in the face of deep disappointment, and on top of that, with us there defending that, because we have the feeling, although projected, that the idea of a better place is a lie. Nor can we turn back, because those who have welcomed us feel their support for us after such a situation has been in constant decline inside.

Since this is a place specifically designed for venting, I feel a bit more comfortable speaking here. I am a 21 year old girl who's in college right now, trying to figure out life and such. I am away from home for college and I miss my city so much. I am going towards a career that does not pay that well. I am not even that interested in it...just that I know it's something I can do. I have a few friends in this city who are nice people but none of them vent so I can't burden them with my story. Besides, their lives are much more interesting than mine. One has a friend she speaks to on a daily basis, two others have boyfriends and a lot of other friends with whom they can always have a conversation. My friends in this city have many other friends to talk to but all I have are them. If I tell them this, I am pretty sure I would be treated much differently but it won't be better, it would just be with more caution. I don't like that, I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable around me. The friend who I used to vent to is now busy all the time and she makes a lot of decisions in her life that only messes things up as she's enjoying the risks. She tells me I can speak to her about everything and it used to be that way but now that she's busy, most of my long messages get lost in the void of things she's into. I tell her that we can speak about my issues later because she has worse things going on for her. But deep down, I really do wish she would one day just listen to me and tell me what I need to hear. She always knew what to say...but nowadays she's looking to speak to me about her problems and I can't deny that because I know she would give me a listen if she was available too. My ex who I'm friends with and not completely over, he's busy too and when I vent I just don't get much...sometimes when I break down, he does help me but I don't want my brain to hold on till I let it out. I am going through a lot and I don't want to keep it in like that. And I often lash out at him for not listening to me. I should stop doing that... because of the relationship I had with him, I keep thinking he should be listening to me. But no one is entitled to that, especially since he's also very busy (and often gets sick) and he shouldn't be coming back from work all tired just to hear me vent. I feel like everyone's got someone but I've got no one.

I want to try getting closer to my friends in the city but since they already have friends they talk to, they don't need me for it. So it's very one-sided and unfair. I don't want to be in this situation.

I feel like I'm in an environment where my ability to socialize with others is disregarded, and on top of that, my closest friends and family struggle due to the prejudices others foster as a result of such circumstances. People don't usually appreciate these analyses I conduct to explain what's happening, and psychotherapists have become part of the group.

I like this way of life, but I haven't received any support to fully consolidate it. Support is always a camouflage to force me to abandon it, in a blatant way. The whole effort is to make me achieve what I was helped to achieve, given that the problems I identified as such are no longer pointed out but now begin to view them in a pleasing light, which is what I feel the therapeutic work I've attended was all about.

I can't deny that I feel disappointed by society. My family struggled to contain me, and I always tried to adapt according to the circumstances, without predetermining and consolidating a certain personality in order to defend it. Outside, there were also these difficulties, to the point where others either abandoned me or established a distant and superficial relationship. The times they've tolerated me, it's because they had no other choice, and the times they've resorted to influencing me to adapt, it's because they haven't seen any other way either. All of this is always aimed at achieving stability within the environment for the group I belong to, rather than consolidating their personality within it through defensiveness. In itself, everything has consisted of complacency with the environment, as my family pointed out, which makes me feel like I'm among people who are incapable of reinforcing their identity as a group. This is something I find regrettable and terrifying, because we are always at the mercy of others, and their movements can occur at any moment, and consequently, any other. Therefore, in itself, it speaks to the lack of stability other than that provided by the environment itself, and that, again, speaks to a lack of tools for self-preservation.

I would like to be part of groups capable of reinforcing the presence of their personality in the environment, and not in those that are weakly structured and therefore provide a false sense of stability only provided by the environment. This makes me see the origin of those who go with the flow, and indeed, it seems that groups of this nature are the ones that populate the earth, at least within the country where I live.

Frankly, this type of spirit is not the example of someone who, I suspect, will sooner or later come back to me, so I feel it is necessary to seek out groups with such a capacity for reinforcement, and of course, that do not rely on popularity or a position of power, which are the elements on which some groups rely to maintain their way of being in the face of change. Indeed, it is necessary to make observations, at least in note format, to arrive at a systematic approach, but first, it begins with examining the material at hand.

You know, my friends, I have a hard time feeling comfortable around people. My biggest problem is that they have an extremely limited view of how to treat me, at least with those I've encountered. While I maintain a very sophisticated one with them, due to the fact that I'm always trying to give a response that, first, fits the person and, second, is foreign to their customs and those I'm used to. In itself, it unbalances me when I socialize, and that's what makes me feel the need to be alone.

I'm not interested in maintaining a language specific to a specific group, but rather, I'm interested in a language that allows me to be universal with all groups. I feel it's an interesting challenge because if I stay within a certain language, I'm not aware of what's happening in the group, given that language is there to be embedded and what it entails not distancing oneself in a way that schematizes circumstances. Furthermore, I prejudice what is external and not maintained by a norm among most groups, precisely to protect the stability of my group. Dear all, I feel that solitude precisely allows for openness to all groups, since it allows for observation and the development of responses to the development of boundaries that allow for coexistence between them and oneself. Those who are alone are considered to lack boundaries, and being alone in itself expresses that you lack the tools to socialize for this group, and that they are specifically for this group. For this reason, while there are several groups of this nature, and I haven't encountered any others, there is a diversity of language, and one must respond to it in a way that establishes consequences within the language used for a particular group if it is breached, thereby maintaining the identity of the group for me, as well as for the rest, as well as mine.

There are many people who possess this spirit, given that they insert themselves into such groups and, of course, base their actions on achieving the integration of the individual on an essence of victimhood if they fail, an issue for which one must be prepared. Indeed, then, loneliness itself, as we can see, is problematic for this social instance, and not because of loneliness itself, but because of the consideration of these groups. Loneliness, we can say, explores the thoughts that are generated within the same concrete routes of exploration of the world, precisely to give us ways to continue with this development of ideas, which in itself, I insist, is systematic, given that there is no group that holds ideas that are not such and that are assumed even as dogmas.

I have to say it: Loneliness, in today's world, is undervalued precisely because we have not been taught the ways to manage it. In itself, it has all consisted of remaining at the mercy of a group for the security that this implies, or the prejudice it entails. There is no longer concern for the context, which is what allows for non-violent behavior, and its failure to do so in itself concretizes the oft-discussed distrust among people that we all maintain when we are from different groups. In fact, I've come to view those solitary entities as a simulation of being solitary when in reality they are governed by the rules of a group, which in itself makes them belonging. Indeed, it must be said that we are part of a group when we abide by its rules, not by physical proximity, which doesn't explain those who appear alienated from the group to which they are considered to belong despite joining groups.

I believe that today it is necessary to discuss when we are part of a group, when we are inserted into the dynamics of a group, as well as the awareness of such elements precisely for mobilization among them or precisely their limitation given our ideology, which in itself is difficult, if not impossible, to result in a destructive outcome since it deprives us of support. I do not personally understand this fear conspired in such a way although I believe that it is the result of experiences in which the individual in question and others have not known what to do, which is why they resort to talking about a rough and impossible path to pass when the morphology of said path itself is expressed by the absence of tuned praxis and that precisely determine dark and impassable dimensions, being able to point out, right now that I speak of it, why the journey through such paths represent a terrain of uniqueness for when such characteristics are present in other aspects of life such as nature itself in the absence of human agents as well as certain mythologies, however, this is only to highlight, although I do not seek certainty but the development of ideas, which, its help is always felt, and its denial, it is complicated to help then will always be welcome in any way.

I feel that one of the biggest problems we have today is that we don't understand that going from being accompanied to being alone is a matter of mourning, and that's why solitude is uncomfortable, just as it is uncomfortable for someone who lives alone to go to someone else's company. Solitude has its benefits, if used well, as does socializing, of course, also well used, because otherwise both can lead to disastrous results.

I've often been criticized for being alone, essentially because I don't adapt as quickly as others who like to live their lives in constant company. Indeed, the contrast is more evident, and that's why the fixation is accentuated in my case. However, for this to be truly realized, I believe that people need to begin to experience being alone and be in touch with their processes, that is, with the words they need to produce precisely to feel unburdened and therefore available to move in the circumstances in which they produce words.

Now, dear friends, what good does it do to share this if no one is going to understand it? It seems to be a purely intellectualized terrain, because in an emergency situation or where tensions arise, the tendency, if not the norm, will be to return to past beliefs, given that such knowledge has not been emphasized. Truly, I'm disappointed that I can't express these words to others, at least in my environment and beyond, in a way that I can trust that what I'm saying will be understood and internalized. I understand why when I vent, I have reinforced my attention on the activity itself, because I haven't found a way to achieve a transmission in a way that I can trust that another can sustain it, can give me stability, even with psychotherapists.

Precisely this difficulty in expressing what I feel is what has made me feel or realize that I don't express what I feel and that the good with which I respond only consists of referring to the fact that everything is the same as always, in terms of the execution of actions, and of which everyone knows or has at least an idea, but I never refer to how I feel. Generally speaking, I've felt fine within the scope of what has served me, but the fact is that I can't make it transparent, and that makes me feel suffocated when I socialize. Ultimately, it makes me feel and appear limited. I misinterpret this as a generalization to others, which consists of a lack of socializing tools, when I use them precisely when the routine between people is at risk of being lost. Otherwise, I simply follow the routine, which consists of being in harmony with others, without needing to agree or sacrificing anything important to me. My main goal when socializing is to maintain harmony and preserve it for the future.

For me, solitude is the ideal terrain because it allows me to progress in the development of my ideas from a systematic structuring, alienated from the pace that others may follow and that often results in stagnation and that has repercussions in an experience of situations consisting of an escape to reach a before and not in the awareness of the circumstances that built it, where we are equally immersed, just to evolve from said being before the world, a question that in itself is the resistance that concretizes said attitude of escape and therefore the return to previous circumstances but that unfortunately can fall into situations of great magnitude, absorbing people given the resistance, and blurring such a before to a format where it is perceived as before but that is not really, in itself, leading to a situation where we find ourselves deceived and more absent and vaguely available, which ends in being at the mercy of complex situations in the face of which we cannot and have to visualize that we are giving in, its exit to a pleasant situation being an already rough path. I find it indispensable development of these reflections, at least as a draft, but I know of opinions that show against it because such reflection consists of disastrous consequences consisting of a projected feeling, but that in themselves for me are appropriate precisely because they allow me to perfect the scheme until it becomes one of use in terms of visualization and consequent practice where I observe that it results in usefulness, essentially to empathize with what until now is observed.

I feel a little annoyed. I have nothing to do. I'm on vacation. Tomorrow should be a day I plan to go to work, but vacation takes me out of my routine. It's not something I enjoy. I loved being there at work. I felt like they were forcing my mind to focus on something else. Without work, I feel like my days will be the same, that I won't face anything new. Being alone in my house fills me.

The solitude of my house is overwhelming. I don't feel like reading or writing anything, even though I have that hobby, because I'm flooded with ideas. It's not a question of therapy, which has me very disappointed. I haven't been lucky enough to find a good therapist either. It saddens me not to have relationships that go beyond work.

There are two girls I interact with. Work is the only place where I have relationships because on the outside, they're barely a one-off contact, even though there are intentions from beyond. These girls only interact within the workplace, and the approaches that are appropriate for such events always involve the fear of losing out on a matter beyond the workplace.

I feel very sad. I have no one to talk to. I won't talk to my coworker or my boss, with whom I felt that supportive company. I enjoyed their games, their considerations, and those scoldings that reinforced order. I felt protected by this, as well as by higher-ranking authorities, who I feel respect me in a loving way. When I'm at home, it's just me.

My father may be there, who is the only person I count on, but I have to admit that nothing is the same for him. I barely see him once a week, and it's only to maintain the relationship as a means of supporting me with income. It's something I feel hypocritical about, although lately I've tried to keep contact brief so as not to raise as many hopes as possible for a future beyond such encounters, for a closeness that could pave the way for us together. These meetings, precisely, allow us to emphasize that everyone is on their own, as long as the economic issue is present, since otherwise it will become a struggle in which there will be attempts to disrupt each other's routine, just as meetings would be more numerous each week.

Frankly, I loved being at work. Now, my only friends these days are my walks, the television, and access to the internet, nothing more, where no one speaks to me knowing it's me, but instead I rejoice in more knowledge, which, for the one I have, is already overwhelming due to the fact that it creates a distance from others, which has long since tired me out. I have to admit that distancing myself from my reflections has given me the benefit of being more in touch with others, due to the fact that I don't sophisticate my language. However, I feel this has been a betrayal on my part, since I truly enjoy such a matter.

this is my first time posting to a website like this, so i'm a little nervous but i don't know what else to do. i've been dealing with some heavy weight recently and the problems that i once ignored are piling up on me and it's been really taking a toll on me. to give you a brief summary: my mother dislikes me, i've realized that i am somewhat disconnected from everyone in my life, opening up to people on an intimate, personal level scares me so i'm on this site instead, and lastly i feel weirdly hollow. every conversation with another person is incredibly painful for me, and i wish to cut contact with everyone and live my life as a recluse; at the same time i love people and i don't wish to separate from them. it's like, a weird oscillation of sorts. i don't want to sound too self-pitying but i wish that i could open up to others without any fear. for a long time i've always adhered to people, morphed myself accordingly but in the process i've fractured my sense of self lol and presently im trying to gain it back but ive realized just how empty of person ive been. i have so many problems but i feel like i can't tell anyone them and being emotionally genuine, with other people, is something that makes me want to throw up. distracting myself with projects, other people, or using the internet to forget about my reality. truth is, the few times ive 'opened' up to someone i tell them something miniscule that i don't truly care about just to keep the barrier there. my friendships i leave open and ambiguous, i've hurt a lot of people in the past because of this but i keep on moving forwards but this will definitely come to bit me in the future. i wish i could say that i feel remorse for them and i do, but it's never to the extent of their emotions. i do not love people, but i care about them even from afar and oh this turned into me ranting, lol sorry to whoever took the time to read this but you get the gist. there's a lot of other stuff as well but it'd be really awkward saying everything. i am attempting change but it's been hard, i'm getting somewhere though. just needed to get this off my chest lol, been feeling very depressed and heavy lately

i don’t really know when things started to go sideways between me and my dad, but it’s been like this for a while now. i’m 17, and honestly, it feels like he’s just constantly disappointed in me. it’s like no matter what i do, it’s not good enough. if i get a B, he asks why it’s not an A. if i help out at home, he’ll point out what i missed instead of what i did. i get that parents want the best for their kids, but man, this feels like something else. he talks to my brother like he’s proud of him all the time, even when he does half the things i do. like, does he even realize the difference in how he treats us? i don’t expect a trophy or anything, just maybe a “hey, good job” once in a while wouldn’t hurt. when he gets mad, he doesn’t yell much—he just gives that cold, silent stare that makes you feel like nothing. that’s the worst part, honestly.

i remember once, i spent two weeks working on this art project for school. i even stayed up all night trying to get the shading right, and i thought it came out decent. i showed it to him, kinda hoping for at least a nod or something, and all he said was, “that’s what you stayed up for?” like, bro, come on. it’s just little stuff like that, over and over again. i know i’m not perfect—no one is—but is it really that hard to say something nice for once? sometimes i wonder if he even likes having me around. maybe i remind him of something he doesn’t like, or maybe he just doesn’t vibe with daughters the same way he does with sons. i know that sounds kinda dumb, but it’s crossed my mind more than once. he’s never said anything directly mean, but the way he acts says enough. i try not to let it get to me, but it chips away little by little;

some days i just sit in my room thinking, “what did i do to make him so cold?” and maybe it’s not even about me, maybe he’s just going through his own stuff and i’m taking it personal when i shouldn’t. but how can i not? when someone lives in the same house and barely acknowledges you unless it’s to correct or criticize, it’s hard not to feel like it’s you. i’ve talked to my mom about it a couple times, and she just says “he’s like that” or “he means well,” but like… does he really? i don’t need a perfect dad, just one that doesn’t make me feel invisible. have you ever felt like someone is just tolerating you, not really seeing you for who you are? that’s how it feels. so yeah, i don’t hate him or anything, i’m just tired of trying so hard to be enough. maybe he doesn’t hate me, but if he doesn’t—why does it feel like he does?