Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 6

Ok, here we go...I'm stuck in this rut of how do I proceed from here kind of thing. In a nutshell, I've been friends with this guy for about 4-5 years now, but we really started becoming best friends over the last two years. We're both in our 30s. About 7 months ago we started really hanging out more and having weekend movie watching sessions and dinners. He would reach out to me more then and engage in conversation, as well as asking to hang out. We never got past the cuddling stage, but I could definitely feel the chemistry and attraction between us. I know we were both holding back because I was just finishing up a divorce and I wasn't yet officially single. About 5 months ago, I got brave and admitted having feelings for him. We are both very open with each other about anything on our minds. The conversation was cordial, but he stated that he didn't know if he felt that way about me and wanted to "cool" things off because of the fact the divorce wasn't official yet. I completely understood from a moral perspective and respected that (not looking for judgement on this though). The kicker part is when we continued the convo, I flat out asked if he would ever see a future with us in it or if the idea of "us" is out of the question. He said he didn't know, and couldn't see into the future, but he wasn't going to close the door on the idea of there being an "us". He also is the type of person who would say if there wasn't a chance. So naturally, you can see how this gave me hope.

We didn't hang out as much after that and we still don't as frequently, BUT here's the kicker part(s): we still talk almost every day (even if he's not as talkative as he was in the beginning when things felt newer), he still confides in me, I still get invited to go with him to visit with his parents every other weekend (his parents/family loves me), we'll get quick dinners together, he's gifted me several things in the last two months, etc. Basically what is missing from before is the amount of quality alone time we get. Maybe he isn't committing to that because he doesn't want to give the wrong impression, but when we aren't in a busy phase at work/life, he will actually reach out suggesting getting back into watching shows together. I also wonder if he doesn't want to jump into anything because I'm still only a couple months divorced and he doesn't want to give others the impression that I got divorced to be with him (which isn't the case. he was not the reason for my divorce in the least)

SO THIS IS WHERE I'M STUCK. I'm so smitten with him, and have never felt this way about anyone, and don't have anyone else in my life, so on one hand I kind of say to myself, I'll take what I can get. On the other hand, I wish I could just walk away and give it some distance to let him figure out if he wants me to be that special someone in his life. He hasn't been in a relationship in A WHILE, so part of me also wonders if he's just super used to his solidarity and is really out of practice. My mind always asks myself, if there was no possibility of us being a thing, wouldn't he have just said that there was no possibility of that instead of saying he wasn't "closing the door" on that potential? Also, if there wasn't the possibility, why would he go to the lengths he does with certain things still? IDK! These are things that I feel people our age wouldn't do if they were "just friends" with each other and my close friends/family agree.

If you've gone through something like this, or had someone you know go through this, or you're genuinely just good at reading people and situations and have advice/opinions to offer, I'm all ears!

why do people insist on being so cruel??? i swear, it's like they see someone enjoying their life and doing what makes them happy, and BOOM!! suddenly, they become their personal target board. i'm 17 and have always been a fan of Pokémon. it's like my haven, a place i escape to when the real world gets too insane to handle. catching Pokémon on my phone or swapping cards with friends is my way of destressing, yet all i get is judgment and mockery from the "cool" crowd at school. they just can't seem to comprehend the joy it brings me, so they mock what they don't understand. frankly, it's exhausting.

is it that hard for people to mind their own business?? everyone is always yapping about how young people should be free to express themselves but then turn around and bash us for the very choices we make! it's incredulous, really! collecting Pokémon cards might not be their thing, but why rain on someone's happiness parade??? what's the point in belittling others for their harmless passions??? i just can't wrap my head around it. life is complicated enough without people making it even worse by tossing judgmental comments around like confetti. it seems they'd rather wear masks of scorn than a simple smile of acceptance.

but even so, i'll keep my head high and continue loving my Pokémon world! it's not going anywhere, and neither am i. at the end of the day, it's not their approval i'm seeking!!! if anything, their constant negativity has only made me more resilient... i'll have you know that i've got a Charizard that could burn all naysayers to ash if it were real! and who knows?? someday they might realize the importance of being open-minded and accept that happiness comes in varied forms. for now, i'll let their words roll off my back like water off a Psyduck and stay hopeful for a more understanding future.

Imagine how many messages have been written and deleted, how many things have gone unsaid? How many songs have been placed in the notes, right there and right for that person? For only that person to see? Surely many... Has everyone done this? Today I was watching Brazilian films and looking at blogs, abandoned in 2014 and 2017, and I don't know, I got thoughtful. How many teenagers aren't just like us? They have the same ideas, tastes... How many teenagers haven't grown up and become those boring adults? I keep thinking about it. I wish I was a teenager forever... forever young! Is 30 really the age of success? By then, I want to have a career taking off, and MAYBE a decent boyfriend. But that doesn't matter... Do you think we should date at 15? And in adolescence in general, I see girls showing off their boyfriends on social media with cute trends and I keep thinking about it... Does dating make you lose your youth? I think you should have balance, but having a boyfriend must be really cool! I've been with guys, but I've never really dated, wow, have you ever thought about that? I guess I'm not the only one who thinks about it? Well, at 18, I think about it.

I think I'm such a fool. I'm going through a weird phase in my life. My grades are bad, I'm so insecure about my weight and appearance. My friends are acting weird towards me. My mom fights with me every day. School is so boring. Nothing's fun! In 10 days, I'll be turning a certain age for girls, but I don't feel happy. What's wrong with me? I don't feel like I have the right to feel sad or bad. I should be grateful for the life I have, right? And I also can't stand caring about what other people think. What if I fail physics? I think those are just girl problems. I don't know how to feel better. I think reading would be good. Are there any good books for 15-year-olds? I have to go, but I hope I'm not the only one going through "problems."

I am 31 years old woman and I have been working since three years in a government center that manage the reception and also the returning of foreigners. In fact, my specific department is dedicated to the expulsion of persons to their country of origin, and in majority this means Mexico or Central America regions. Each day I face stories that are extremely human, sometimes even tragic, and I confess with no shame that I continue to cry very often after my working hours. I thought maybe with the time I would build kind of shield or hard skin, but it did not happen like that. Instead, I feel even more sensitive to the pain of others. I ask myself often, why some colleagues can make jokes about it or just continue with neutral face, while me I go home with heavy heart? Once, after accompanying a family of four to the airport, the young daughter gave me a bracelet made of colored threads and whispered, “please remember us.” How to not be moved by such words? That night I couldn’t sleep and I kept asking to myself if I am in the right job, if my tears will ever stop flowing, or if maybe it is normal reaction to continue to be sensitive after all this time.

In my way of thinking, sensitivity is not only a weakness, it is also a force that allows us to see the humanity behind the regulations and the bureaucracy. But still, I would like to learn how to be less affected, because depression is coming again and again in waves, and it is hard to keep motivation. Some days I sit in the restroom and I cry silent because I cannot show to others this fragility, even if in reality I am not ashamed, but more scared of being judged or considered incapable. Sometimes I try to use strategies like writing small notes of gratitude, reading philosophy or spiritual texts that bring comfort, like Viktor Frankl saying that “those who have a why to live, can bear almost any how.” This line encourage me, but in practice when I see another deportation case, my heart breaks anyway. What do you think, is it possible to keep empathy and compassion but without losing mental balance? Or is the only way to survive in such work to build cold wall around emotions? I feel very lost on this point, because I want to keep human but not to be destroyed inside every month.

I try to be hopeful, because I know life is also about learning from the suffering, and maybe in some strange way these experiences will help me to grow stronger. For example, I started recently to do voluntary activities in my free time, like teaching English to immigrant kids, and this give me positive energy to compensate the darker side of my job. It is like giving back something, even small, to balance what I take part in during the day. I also talk with my mother, and she reminds me kindly that “you cannot save everyone, but you can always treat them with respect and dignity.” That phrase stay in my mind, and maybe that is the key, to know that even in a painful role, I can give something decent like a smile or kind word. So I want to ask you, dear reader, do you think there is a method to be less sensitive without becoming cruel? Or maybe the true courage is to accept our sensitivity and find ways to manage it with healthier habits, like therapy or meditation or even just having more supportive friends around? I sincerely hope to discover balance, and I hope also to not lose myself, because despite all the tears, I believe that my heart can still be source of hope and resilience.

I have been in a relationship with this guy and he were fine in the first month ,then we both went to different college ,and things taken fast he one day wanted to have breakup and after a day we did reconcile but he was behaving kind of rude for few days,later though he changed but he is in still contact with the guy because of whom we had to breakup.

I'm pissed everyday I did tell him about what I was going through and told him to completely cut off with that guy but he didn't listen just said ok and told that he can't because he is his senior and member of some club. i ain't that irrational and told him to be professional with him but still sends him reels n all all the time.

I told him to distance but I don't think does. he keeps mentioning that he is his friend but i think he gives more importance then friend.

now I feel not to talk to him because I'm

that pissed that I will fight with him.

I met him when I was 11, and he was too. We had a little childhood romance and started "dating" when we were 13. He helped me get through my parents’ divorce, and I helped him with his own family issues... we really liked each other. We were each other’s first love, it was sweet, it was innocent. I felt at home with him. When we hit six months together, things were already falling apart, and I broke up with him because I was going to move to another city mid-year. He seemed to take it well, or at least that’s what I thought. We talked bad about each other afterwards, like teenagers do, of course.On my last day in that city, we were leaving school when he saw me from a distance, gave me a small wave… and cried. I cried too. But neither of us said anything or walked up to each other.After I moved, I sent him a text message saying EVERYTHING I felt. He responded and said he felt the same, but that it wouldn’t work because of the distance and because our story had ended. We still talked sometimes...Then in November, he came to my new city for a karate tournament. Our moms were very close, so he stayed at my house. When I saw him again, it felt like we were still together. I knew I was still crazy about him. At first, we were super shy around each other, but we eventually opened up. He had changed a lot, and so had I. That night, we sat on a couch downstairs in my building and talked for hours. We kissed and made promises we couldn’t keep. He slept in my room, and I slept in my mom’s. But we kept messaging each other all night. It was strange to think that he was here, in my house, in my room. At around 2 a.m., I went into my room and sat by the bed. We talked, laughed, and remembered everything. I took so many pictures of us. At 6 a.m., he left, and I cried so much in the lobby of my building. My love was leaving. From that moment on, the song "The Only Exception" became ours.We tried to keep in touch, but eventually he told me to move on with my life.In January, I went back to my hometown and we went to the mall, just as friends. I really liked it… I had written him a letter, but never gave it to him. I went to his house, and we ended up making out. I didn’t want to leave. The next day, I was already going back to my city.So we spent the whole afternoon watching series and just enjoying each other’s company. I left, and this time ,didn’t cry.We tried a long-distance thing again, but it ended when I found out he was dating a girl from his class, one of his friends told me. It felt like my world collapsed.He was different, you know? He could even understand my silence. I really loved him.Now, I just know that he’s doing some questionable things and that he’s dating another girl.Of course, I’ve had other crushes… but I always compared them to that sweet boy who once existed.I read the letter I had written to him today and realized how naive I was…I miss the boy I was once madly in love with.I really want to send a message, but sometimes not sending is better than being rejected.I just wish he knew… that once, it was him.

hello, I could use some advice on a situation, and I need someone to tell me if i am in the wrong here.

I have always had a tough time making friends and getting close to people. it generally takes me about two years of being friends with someone before the conversation starts flowing comfortably and naturally. because of this, I hold my friendships very close. I try my best to be a good friend and I would never do anything to purposely hurt a friend. that being said, over these past year or two I have been friends with a girl named Jude. this school year Jude and I have been getting fairly close. we have finally hit the point where conversation is just natural and I am not always worried that I am being annoying or that she is just hanging out with me because she feels like she has to. well our friendship got a little complicated a few months ago when Jude started dating my cousin Troy. Troy and his family have had a difficult last year. I don't need to get into it too much, but his parents are in the middle of getting a divorce and money has been a little tight. over this last week or so Jude has been telling me she has been buying pizza for Troy and his brother because they have nothing to eat at home. she told me not to tell anyone about it because she didn't want Troy getting mad at her for telling me. normally I wouldn't get involved with the situation. If I wasn't related to the guy I would have just let her talk, and not share the information. however, with Troy being family I was concerned and wanted to try and help. it shouldn't be Jude's job to make sure that her boyfriend's family is eating. so after thinking it over for a bit, I asked my mom if we could send his family some extra beef and or sausage because we raise farm animals and just sent some off to butcher. I also told her that Jude had been buying them pizza. I figured it wouldn't be too big of a deal since we usually send some of our extra meat to Troy's family. Well, the other day Troy's mom (my aunt) came over and was talking to my mom. something must have gotten broughten up about Jude buying Troy pizza. anyway, Jude texted me today and asked if I had been telling people that Troy's family had no food. I immediately freaked out because the only person I talked to was my mom, and I only did that because I was genuinely concerned and wanted to make sure the kids had food. I made sure to ask my mom not to mention Jude because I didn't want her to get in trouble with Troy, and I didn't want Jude to be mad at me. well it turns out that Troy and his brother have been fed at home, they just want junk food and I think that Troy is lying to Jude. Jude is the type of person to have a tough time breaking things off with a boy, and I know that if I try to bring this up she will take his side over mine and I will have lost a friend. which is really tough because I have such a tough time making friends. but i am pretty sure that Troy has been manipulating the situation because he tells Jude he isn't getting fed, he tells his mom that he is fine with Jude buying him stuff because she is making good money, and he told my mom that he hates it when Jude buys him stuff. I don't know what to do, and I feel terrible. I shouldn't have said anything to my mom, but I just wanted to help. I think Jude is mad and me, and I don't know what to say to make things better. what do I do? and am I in the wrong here? all I know is that I feel horrible

I swear to god I have collage so much literally I hate my course and now I can’t even change it and I don’t know what to do bc I can’t js drop out of collage so idk what to even do I hate it so much I thought it was going to be a lot better but no it is the exact same as skl

I HATE COLLAGE !!

No like acc despite it

Hiii! Im Ava, i’m a teenager (not saying age) and i struggle with S/A and bullying. I pretend to be happy when in reality i have lots of scars/cuts from my self harm addiction. Sometimes i starve myself. Even though my parents know i do it they don’t care and think i just want attention. I cry a lot yet they still don’t care. One time they beat me for trying to kill myself…

I used to believe that after my skin were nothing, hollow and I wanted to tear my skin out just to see if there were nothing or not, it wasn't really an utter belief but like 99% of it. I still believe it sometime, this skin doesnt feel human, they're not, too artificial to be one, im not human, but not a robot, im a doll, I act like one, its loose once you observe it. Slack if you notice. My mind is not of my own, it whisper to me with a languange i know and dont know, I have to decode quickly to understand. This body is clay, its not human, this body is a doll, its not a human, everybody feels like a doll but logic says differently but I dont believe what they say until I see the flesh, I NEED to see the crimson to believe it, will i? Or will I think its fake again? My "loved one" faces are different, distant and artificial, theyre not them, theyre not people I know. Observing further for more than 3 seconds break my perception of such experience, something beyond my consciousness is controlling how I see things, they want me to think that its them when its not, you can clearly see it, its so obvious! Yet I pretend to act for them, theres no believer here, only the theatre remained, the voice is like a machine repeating words my loved one said, the movement is too doll like to be an actual human, an animal doesnt move like that, i know that for sure! They move freely but my loved one does not? Its weird. The face, its like the fabric felt, its inhumane, everybody else doesnt have that, just my loved one, theyre not them. Somebody is trying to trick me, somebody not human, is it God? God won't do this right? Of course mercy is not bestowed upon me, but one will not give much more suffering right? I, am a sinner after all, yet I believe him, is that not enough? Is anything I do not enough? Everything i do is nonsense, my belief is just not enough for God to give me such presents. Surely, only the sinner will get such suffering, such immeasurable test are not for the loyal are they or does God think I can withstand such torment? Does he want me to bite my flesh off? See my own blood to see whether im genuinely human or not? Is it that? But the knife are scary, I cant even cut vegetables! Im scared but why such torment are to be upon me? There's no others reason except of insanity. The ringing calls me to do it, this body is not mine to control, i cannot do it, something preventing so, is it want to live? Is it not? You too shall question that should you but you dont, why be silent all of the sudden? You always talk in language I cant comprehend, or rather im not hearing you at all? How do I explain this in text? Another voice but incomprehensible unless I hear it yes! A subtle ringing in my ears, tell me opinion, debate with me, and sometime get loud, its clearly just thoughts, like im debating myself! Im not hearing things! Its only the conciousness beyond me, beyond my understanding of normality that tell me do so! And how coud i say no? Its going internally, its clearly not a hallucination!How long was it again 1 month? 2? 3? I don't remember the feeling of wanting to tore my skin off to prove to myself, an urge thats only controlled by distraction, incredible that I have stayed for that long without a scar is it not? Its coming back to me how strong that belief was, I still am in string with it, its not thoughts of 24/7 no but this skin is not what it is, its not biological, you cannot tell me it is, you think i havent tried grounding before? I have, i have, i have, nothing work and really what's the point? Does it matter really, I'll still be "alive" dont worry! Once I try you'll see there's nothing behind it, it act like plastic, is it supposed to be? I think so, im only using my fingers, theres no harm in doing so is it? There's nothing behind it, no blood so why would it damage such body? It may hurt, of course it would. I just taken my antiphyschotic after writing this.

You know. I have believed my attempt worked before too and this is all just purgatory. But that one was less convincing, the body part was really convincing though. The mirror me is different, im looking at stranger, THATS NOT ME, cant you see that? Look at it! The face is not even mine, that body is not mine, its a complete stranger i dont know. seometime i feel like the ringing might be God telling me to rip my skin off to see how he has made me as a sinner, he has me plastic because of my sins cant you see that? The ringing tell

me to end myself, i have indulged in too much sins they say.

It somehow comforted me, the question has been answered, I can lay in peace but can I?

God hasn't confirmed that ill lay as dirt, I'll do his command once I have confirmation

September 13

I went to my sigma's halftime show last night and lowk I could NOT stop looking at her, everything from the uniform to her performance was absolutely amazing. my friends lowk made fun of me but I feel foolish. I mean how did someone like me get to someone like her?

codenames: Baguette (boy best friend), Circle (his girlfriend)

I know she hates me. My boy best friend's girlfriend. Maybe thats why hes spending time with her today. but he did say that he'd call didnt he?

i've been friends with baguette since near a whole year consecutively, and before that i was friends with him for half a year before we fell apart. but we did get back together and we are very close. i would consider him one of my best friends, i dont know what he thinks of me. he recently reassured me that he would not "break up" with me as friends if circle told him to. who believes that... he also said that circle doesnt mind that he hangs out with girls and that she said "you can hang out with whoever you want, boy or girl." WHO BELIEVES THAT? who wouldnt be jealous when the boyfriend theyve had a crush on since 7 years ago finally got with them and then talks to another chopped girl more than he talks with them? i agree with my friend who says i act like his girlfriend more than his girlfriend, from his side, he talks to me more than he talks to her. baguette usually calls me the first thing after he gets home, or at least texts. he felt bad when i was sad one random day, asking me so desperately how he could help. he asks me if i hated him so many times as if it really mattered to him. he asked me if i would be sad if he died. of course i would. i would cry my eyes out. he really means so much to me and i wish i could explain that to him. did i mention how i used to have a crush on him before we became friends? well i dont anymore. ive tried my best to get rid of all my feelings in that way. i really tried to hard and i believe i have succeeded. but sometimes when he doesnt text me or when he leaves me on seen i feel worthless. i sometimes ask him, am i boring, why are you friends with me, stuff like that, and he responds with something slightly reassuring. but its not the most reassuring, because i always feel like he's lying. i've been seen with him around campus quite a bit lately, over call he would ask me to come with him somewhere after school or meet somewhere to go help with schoolwork, and i always help him. maybe a bit too much, but...i just want him to keep being my friend. and im scared that if i dont do those things i lose my value as a friend to him and...he wouldnt talk to me anymore..and i dont want that. i dont know why, he somehow manages to make me smile when i am at my downest time, but of course he isnt there 24/7 so he cant ALWAYS be there.. but when he is he makes me smile, always, whether by being cute-stupid or telling a dumb joke i feel like it's always so lightening.. but he has other friends too..i need to remember that..am i being obsessive? am i too much? am i annoying?

now back to the part relating his girlfriend. she acts nice towards me but i dont think she likes me at all, and i completely understand her. i wouldnt like me either.

Alright (I always start with alright lol), So… since 4th grade I’ve had this small friend group with 4-6 people (I’m in 8th grade). In 4th grade, we played this game where one person would pretend to be a dog owner and we would be the dogs, barking in the field during recess. But our generation(being the messed up generation that it is) made it so our whole grade started calling us furries and the Wolfpack. I was scared that kids would actually come punch us in stuff and they didn’t, but to this day I am still mad at those people that bullied us because it was just a game for us little kids to entertain ourselves with.

In 5th grade, there was a group of girls that I hung out with a lot more than my closest friends, and my friends were mad at me about this. I wanted to expand my friendships, and wanted to be good friends with the “cool kids” In hopes that they would stop bullying my friends, and if not, then me (They didn’t). My friend in the so called “Wolfpack” even already had a boyfriend (We were only 11 so I don’t know why I cared lol) and I got so jealous that boys still liked her. Like at least 5 boys in our grade had a huge crush on her, yet still barked and yelled “Furry!” At her whenever she walked by. Honestly, I was not getting much individual recognition in being in “The Wolfpack”, so I was able to make my own friends aside from this friend group! My friends in “The Wolfpack” didn’t like that I was making more friends and we had a huge screaming fight which ended up with my friend saying that I liked her boyfriend (kinda stupid in my opinion I was just jelly she had ANY man). Actually I’ll just end here and do a second part later bye y’all feel free to share your opinion so far!

[Translated from Spanish. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

Here I Go Again haha. I told you how I fell in love with a man much older than me who showed me high expectations. He was attentive, loving, kind, everything a woman wants.

As time went on, he got what he wanted, which was to win me over, and he began to show disinterest in me.

During the process, I saw many red flags, and in that outburst, I recounted how bad it felt when he didn't talk to me. I couldn't leave him because every time I tried, it was a sadness that killed me inside, and I wasn't able to stay in bed for days, feeling very bad.

Obviously, I wasn't going to die, but it's something you don't know how to handle. Sadness, no matter how much you try to deceive yourself, exists in the chest, in the head. Even those who've been through it know that it's also felt in the heart.

I didn't know what to do to end it because the relationship continued, but I was having a hard time. I decided to talk about it, and he told me in simple, blunt words that he didn't have any feelings for me and that he just wanted to have a good time. I understood everything perfectly. What I'm thinking is that there will be a door of feelings, showing affection and love, knowing that they will leave the person later.

It doesn't matter, maybe I idealized too much. I was confused, but what all this leads me to are some questions:

Why does it hurt so much? Life goes on.

Why so much dependence on someone who doesn't show interest?

I saw my mother die with my own eyes, and this hurts me more?

I came to the conclusion that my father abandoned me when I was young. My mother, even though I was with her until the last moment, left me at a train station and left me for 14 years. My grandmother kicked me out when I asked for shelter because I was homeless!

I became a mother for the first time, and my father left me alone during the entire pregnancy and childbirth.

I wanted to start a family, but he went with another family.

My pain is the abandonment I've always suffered and I can't get over it because I met this person who gave me all the affection I never received, and I didn't want to lose her.

Obviously, throughout my horrible life, I had addiction problems, and because of this, I've gone back to using drugs almost every day. Simply put, I want to die because I fell back into a job I had, and now it's worse. If I don't have drugs, I go crazy, my body shakes, and I become violent.

The End

P.S.: Never abandon anyone. Be clear, show love, but clearly. And if you're a man, don't abandon your children. Damn you.