Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 6

these days im not in the mood to go anywhere. my friend is getting married this week and she lives farrrr away from me. it took 4 hours from my place to go hers and im scared if i go there, it will not reach my expectation (in a simple words, im scared getting ignored since it has been more than 5 years we didnt meet).

i also have concert on december but im not in the mood to go (thinking to resell the tix) and i feel like the possibilities of me getting disappointed is higher than happy and satisfied. i feel like if i want to get my sparks back, i need to go to the concert but i feel like its not worth it..

does anyone know what am i going through actually? and is there any ways to make me feel contented again? :')

for context im man, now, i remember used to going out with my friend to places alot, and he would often bring his mother, to me something was clear she liked me for my presence, i was never a spare money or a thing for using out there, nothing like that, i didnt even speak too much, but still very inviting and would pay for me watch movies with them both, i tried give back and was told no dont worry u keep money, i have not even a real known personality or anything interesting, infact i should seriously get my shit together and not think about girls, but still, very accomodating, as if its for no reason, and i found that super hot (i never disclosed that to anyone, cuz friends mom its weird, and this time im doing it anonymous), what type is this, i surely wont encounter another one of these types, too rare, im surprised this was her behavior, atleast not for no reason, what was going on there

Am I the only one who feels like thire alone even if they are in a room full of people .

I'm neurodivergent and this is a comment thing for me .

any one else who is neurodivergent fee like this or is it just me.

I'm 15 and I'm feeling suicidal, the only reason I don't do it is because the few friends I have would be left traumatized and I don't want them to feel like shit because of me.

I hate my life, it's not bad per se, we're not poor but there's always something making me feel worse.

My dad gets angry at me for the littlest things and he's never helpful, he can't help in homework, doesn't do anything around the house other than cook. He gets angry like hell even only if I Huff around him that he'd say he'll slap me (he never did but it's still scary), my mom helps but she's overwhelmed, she's got work and me and my brother and then my dad because he cannot even do something that takes too much effort. I'm basically refraining myself from sharing opinions, saying what I really like or think or show anger when I get angry around him because anything could become a reason for me to get him angry.

He doesn't even fake to appreciate me, I get a good grade, well I was supposed to, there's no reason for me to even get a compliment, I get a bad grade and he shoves it in my face like it's fun that I did bad.

He's probably racist and homophobic, Ill never ever tell him my sexuality, and he keeps joking about me not being able to get a boyfriend otherwise he'll beat him up.

I cannot dress how I want, I'm not talking about miniskirts partying all night, I'm talking about not being able to wear simple alt clothing because he doesn't like it (he gets angry because of a choker, that doesn't even have weird shapes on it like satanist or something like that, it's just a heart in the middle).

I don't know what to do, I don't wanna keep going all this, all this shit just makes me worse and it feeds other insecurities I have and I don't know if there's a way to fix this. I don't want to ask them about getting a professional I can talk to because that way then I'd have to explain to them why I need it.

Damn, commiting really sounds good right now that it scares the shit out of me. I am really tired of always being everyone’s punching bags. I’m just a kid too. Someone who longs for a complete and happy family. I’m just 14 years old but I already wanna end my life. Why do I have to carry it all? What about me? Just because I don’t show my emotions doesn’t mean I’m strong. Everyone thinks that I am okay, but I am not. I’m so fucking tired. My Mom can’t have a dead daughter. I still wanna see My Mom and my baby brother. But my mind is killing me. I hope I can speak my thoughts without feeling like a burden or people will judge me for who I am. I always tell people to be strong and to live happily, but I can’t even do that. When people do me wrong, I always say maybe they’re going through something. But when I am going through something, I never treat people wrong like that haha. It genuinely hurts that I am even thinking of doing it. ’Cause what do you mean a young girl like me already wants to end it? I am still trying but I don’t know how long. I don’t want people thinking that they weren’t there for me, especially my Mom. I’m not living for myself anymore, because if I was living for myself? I would have been dead by now. I wanna scream. I wanna cry. I just hope one day I will be okay. My mind is screaming negative thoughts and I don’t know how long I can hold on. I’m very much tired, I wish for this pain to end.

I am sick and tired of being the friend who is always left out, forgotten about or pushed to the side. my friends have a tendency to get together and not even send me a text to ask if I can join them. It seems like I am only ever included in plans if I am the one making the plans. and lately I have been offering ideas, and I keep getting shut down by everyone. it seems like they always have excuses, and it makes me wonder how much they even like me. after i have been making repeated suggestions about hanging out or doing something together, a bunch of my friends got together to go to a haunted house, and I didn't get a text from a single one of them. I found out today that they had all gotten together. it hurts a lot to be left out like this, when I try so hard. I really love and care about my friends, but when they do stuff like this all the time it makes me wonder if they even like me, or if they are just always annoyed with me. or if they keep me around to be a punching bag. two of my friends have a tendency to joke about me and make fun of me a lot. now, don't get me wrong, I am completely fine with joking around. I think it can be great in friendships, and bring people closer. however, it starts to hurt when I never hear anything nice from them. some days it seems like any time I do anything they have to pick on me for it. I always just laugh it off, but it makes me start to shut down so they will stop. the other thing is that sometimes the jokes they make are a little too real, or too far. and it seems like they are really taking digs at me disguised as jokes. this has a tendency to really hurt me and get under my skin. but I always just play it off and pretend to be fine because I have no idea how to bring it up to them without being scared that they will say that it's all just jokes and that I am taking it too personally. I like in a tiny tiny town in the middle of nowhere, so finding other people to be friends with just isn't an option. and sometimes my friends are awesome and they make me feel like part of the group, and like they really care about me. other times it feels like they are just annoyed and ticked off at me. so I have just come to the conclusion that I need to start being my own best friend. that way whenever they do stuff without me I don't have to feel left out because I can just do it by myself. and if I want to go do something, I can just go by myself. I live in an extremely tiny town, which makes it quite difficult to find anything to do. but I will figure something out some way. i was just wondering if anyone has any experience with learning to do things by yourself, and any ideas of things for me to do for fun. or if anyone has any tips on dealing with feeling left out. thank you for reading, and I hope you have an amazing day

So, my 37 year old daughter left her husband and my grandchildren last year for a freaking convict! Now, I am all about 2nd chances but he's a loser with a capital l! She was screwing him before she left and now the 2 older grandkids are here with me and my ex, and she spends all her time up north with the prick! Whom I found out treats her like shit! I did not raise her alone to be like this! She thinks she did a good thing by leaving her husband and she's right. He was a dick, just realized it too late. Now my youngest granddaughter is with her dad because my loser daughter doesn't have fucking time for any of her kids! She actually told my oldest granddaughter she was "on her own and she couldn't be bothered by anything in her life" , what a fucking bitch! I fucking hate her and want to disown her, is there anyway legally I can do that? I'm about to freak the fuck out on her, I just haven't yet because my granddaughters asked me not to. But my health is also on the line, already had 1 heart surgery. What do I do?

I feel like my life is a huge joke. I feel like I’m the punching bag in a fight club.

When I was around 12, my grandparents had both passed away and I was moved states away. I loved my grandparents, and they raised me. My dad was not in my life at any point, and my mom was barely present.

My mom had a long distance girlfriend at the time, and both her and the girlfriend pressured me until I finally agreed to the move. I’ll call the girlfriend Jane. Jane constantly told me ways my life would be better, and later escalated to how much happier my mom would be if I agreed to move. It was very manipulative.

Once we moved to another state, about 9 hours away from all of my family, things became unbearable. Jane was emotionally abusive. She was a full blown narcissist. She made my mom financially dependent on her. I was cursed at for hours on end daily. Jane would call me derogatory names constantly. If I simply forgot to unload the dishwasher, I was screamed at. Nothing I did was ever good enough. For the first year I would go out to my mom’s car and sob. My mom would come check on me, and I would beg her to take me back home. She never did.

After years of abuse, I tried multiple times to kill myself. I finally told Jane and my mom that how they treated me made me miserable. Jane’s response was to threaten to call the police and have me arrested for insubordination. I was 16 at the time, and had no idea if that was something she could do. Instead of getting help and therapy that I begged for, I was punished. I wasn’t even allowed to shave my legs, which was horrifying because I played sports year round and it was volleyball season. There is so much to share about my life with Jane, but I’ll move on.

At 17 I graduated and started college. I made sure to get housing on campus so I could get away from my mom and Jane. During the semester, I enlisted in the army. During my time in the military, I went no contact with my mom and Jane. I did everything to ensure I never had to go home. If I wasn’t staying in barracks, I would stay in my car or at a boyfriend’s house.

Years later I went back to school, and stayed with my boyfriend’s family. When we broke up, I had no choice but to go home. Jane was dying with cancer. I moved back in October, and by December she died. She was absolutely horrible even dying. She tried to be abusive, but with me being older and able to evade her it wasn’t successful. My mom told me in private many times that she couldn’t wait for Jane to die. It’s now been years since Jane died. I’m no contact with my mom again.

My relationships, intimate or friend, have also been horrible. My very first serious boyfriend raped me and SA’d me. I stayed with him for 2 years, because I thought that was how relationships were. Jane constantly told me how I should make sure I keep him because I’ll never deserve or get anything better. I was 16 and believed her.

My next long relationship was 4 years and was the boyfriend I lived with. He cheated religiously. Everytime I tried to leave he would sob and lay down behind my car. If I would get upset and not want to hear his excuses, he would hold me down and scream in my face. He treated me terribly.

After I went home and Jane died, I dated off and on. I had better short term relationships, and most ended because we didn’t meld all the way. They were all mutual and civil breakups, but nothing lasting more than a couple months at most.

My current relationship has been for the last 3+ years. We just celebrated our one year wedding anniversary a couple days ago.

In August, I cut off my best friend. I’m going to call her Alice. Alice was my first friend when I moved here. She was my maid of honor when I got married. Our friendship had never really been the best. She constantly threw me under the bus and talked bad of me behind my back. She would use me as a scapegoat to her parents, and honestly I didn’t care because it wasn’t like my life could get any worse with mine at the time. Once we got older tho, she would talk about me to my boyfriends. When I asked her to stop, she would claim to have every right to talk about whoever she wanted to whoever she wanted to. She could be pretty nasty. Most of the time they were lies or just complete misunderstandings that she turned into huge ordeals. All of this improved over the last couple of years, and I thought we were past it. I thought she had matured. In August, we had a skirmish. I had been self isolating, and she was furious with me. She was angry that I hadn’t been talking to her. I explained that I hadn’t talked to anyone, and I was apologetic that she got included. I did try to explain that talking to her was difficult. She would constantly leave me on read, or respond with one word replies. She never acted as if she cared, and I was always a burden to her. I would have understood if I was this Debbie downer, but I wasn’t. The burden I put on her, was asking to spend time together. Before I started isolating, I tried with all of my friends to reach out and establish some sort of talking. Most didn’t reply at all to my, “hey how are you?” Alice responded, but she blew up on me. She told me she loved me but she just couldn’t hang out or give me any semblance of communication because she was so exhausted. I told her that the only reason I was texting was to actually see how she was. I knew she had been stressed with her job, and I wanted to check on her. Which was the truth. After that conversation, I stopped reaching out. I stopped trying. I adopted a “let them” policy. Months later in August she blew up on me for it. When I tried to explain how I had been doing with my own mental health, she stopped replying. She told me that she couldn’t be there for me and that she was too upset. For context, I was feeling pretty worthless and unwanted. Nothing incredibly heavy, and it was the first time I’d talked to her about my mental state in almost a year. After her reaction, I told her I didn’t really want to talk to her for a while. I wanted some boundary to feel safe and respected. Within a couple of days, multiple mutual friends blocked me. I learned from one that Alice had shared a completely made up lie. She had painted me to anyone who would listen that I was an absolute villain in a completely made up story. I shared with the same friend evidence of what actually happened. They confirmed that she was telling a horrible alternate version to make herself a victim. After that I was done. I cut her off and haven’t spoken with her since.

About a month later, I was finally getting over and accepting that I had no family or friends. I had my husband and his family. I was feeling terribly alone. That same September, I found out that my husband had been cheated on me since the beginning. He had multiple affairs. He had online relationships with countless women.

So yea. That’s the shortest way to get my story out. I feel like every single person I’ve let into my life has hurt me. I feel devastated. I don’t want to be alone, but no person who was supposed to love me actually loved me and didn’t hurt me. When I think about all of the hurt I’ve had in my life, I can’t help but wonder what past sins I committed that would warrant such pain in this life.

Alexithyma

noun

the inability to recognize or describe one's own emotions.

I live in a broken family

My family was not like this, even if we weren’t perfect we all still loved each other and was somewhat okay. A few months ago my father had an issue with his job and left it, thus financial problems started. My sibling who is abroad does their best to support us. Our relatives from both paternal and maternal side cut contact with us and started talking behind our backs because we do not have the financial stability anymore, not even our grandparents talk to us or ask about us, even though we have never asked for money from them and never would have asked for it. But nobody even calls or texts us, instead they sometimes come over to spite us and leave us out of important familial information. This obviously broke my siblings and my heart but my parents are devastated because of this.

Gradually my parents started fighting more too, always creating this gloomy atmosphere at my house. My parents started blaming themselves at first for not being able to do the same for me as they did for my elder sibling then they started to blame me for not being a good enough student even though I’m working 24/7 to maintain a scholarship and earn money. Then my dad had to cheat. Well some might say it was not direct cheating but we caught him on a video call with another lady and saw their texts. My younger sibling hates his gut now, we had to adjust, cause what can we do, what else can be done. My parents aren’t in love anymore, not like before, I’m pretty sure if we did not exist they would divorce, at least that is what they tell me all the time.

90% of the time I feel dissociated, I don’t know if I’m supposed to thank “god” for keeping me alive or hate god for making us go through this. I hate living here now, everyone is always fighting, everyone is always depressed, it feels like even staying at my stupid university will be better than staying here.

I just want everything to end.

I’m 13, a girl, and stuck in 8th grade with the person who assaulted me. I don’t want to live. If I don’t get help I’m killing myself.

Robbie (he/him) again! I'm really just rambling.

I've really been struggling with the subject IT lately. Or rather I've always struggled with it. When i started taking the subject last year i was heavily depressed, and remained depressed throughout the year. As a result I didnt learn much in this new subject and the teacher even had issues with me since I had handed in a really bad quality the end of year Practical assignment. I handed in such bad assignments and didnt do the work in class, and couldnt focus in class, nor study for tests due to the depression i had and the like, super traumatising chronic stress inducinng "friendship" i had all year. Like I either didnt care or didnt have the time to study or learn when i did care. And that situation continued until early this year, but after ending that friendship life has been so much better for me. BUt like academically it's hard to catch up on a year of not learning the work. ANd so my marks have been fluctuating heavily in IT ever since, One term it's 80% and 50%, another it's 40% and 50%. Middle of this year my teacher even thought i'd been cheating on a test, because my marks went up with like 20%. The teacher really freaked me out with that whole ordeal and I know it really got me demotivated about the subject for the whole next term.

Like for a subject where I have to code, the code really doesn't stick in my head for long. So I kinda have to study all the time right before a test, so I can achieve 70-80%. And generally speaking I've kinda had a slump recently, A bit of a depressive episode, and I can't find the motivation to do IT work. And over the last few months we've had do our end of year practical assignment, and I genuinely wanted to not at all repeat last year's issues about it where my teacher sent me my PAT back asking me to improve it (nice of him but freaked me out).

So I wanted to work on it from the get go, and as time passed i realised I just never worked on it, but when friends asked and my family asked I'd reverted to lying that I'd done this that and the other recently, or that my PAT included whatever code. So i've had a thorough idea of my project since the get go just never the actual project. ANd like this is better than last year at least since i know what i have to do for the project, I know im capable, and I know i have the time. But time passes, I'm kinda depressed and all of a sudden we have to hand in the written part of the project, and i had nothing, so I wrote something in one day. It wasnt great but it was pretty damn substantial. Like an okay grade, and very much a passing grade. And i felt okay enough about it, nevermind the procrastination. And i resolved to do the code aspect throughout the next week so I could hand it in in time. And no matter how much I thought about it, no matter if i had everything next to me I'd need, no matter if i had the resolve, I just didnt code it, And then didnt hand anything in. And that was the Friday before last. And over this past week Ive been meaning to code it and I've been lying to friends that I couldnt hand it in because my house didnt have internet over the weekend (over said weekend I did actually turn off wifi on all my devices to make that lie believable). And then someone actually broke my phone this last Monday so if I had the project done i couldnt hand it in anyways, because I needed my phone for access to Teams. So eventually on Wednesday, I'd messaged my teacher telling him I'm sorry for the delays in handing in my project and I'd lied to saying the no wifi thing, and id added the truth that I now couldnt hand it in because of the phone breaking, and id added the truth that i emailed the school's techs to help me gain access to Teams again. And then I turned uninstalled the app my teacher would need to contact me again (it's exams now so I didnt actually need to go to school after wednesday this week), and I resolved to code my project on Wednesday. And then I didn't again, ad again and now it's sunday and I havent coded it yet. And I literally have not thought about anything else this last week, and yet i can't bring myself to code this thing i know im capable enough of coding.

I feel so scared of somehow being found out, or the teacher having even more against me, and im scared of the school reprimanding me since i dont know if i could handle my parents knowing I've lied ect ect. And i kinda have just been feeling absolutely terrible about myself this last week because of this. It's not that i dont want to do this, or that i'm doing more fun things instead, or that i dont care, I'm just so scared about this subject in general because of everything regarding how I feel very behind in IT, and I'm scared of my teacher since he thought I was cheating, and I'm scared my parents will know, and I'm scared my friends will know, I'm scared of my loved ones finding out just how much i lie. I've been thinking recently that I might have become a compulsive liar over the last few years where I generally hide my mental health issues from everyone, and then later how i hid was essentially being emotionally abused for a year and a half by my "best friend".

Oh, i dont what to do at all. I even had a nightmare where I was horribly scared the entire time, and i realized the nightmare was because i spent the whole week scared before the nightmare, the emotion went into my dreams even.

Thank you all for reading, I really appreciate it.

Im 24 for context and living with my dads parents who are expecting me to go to church but I dont even believe or want to be back in mormonism so Im just sitting here dreading it as they get ready for church.

Recently today I was caught using my phone on an exam and of course my teacher scolded me but left me with a warning and I didn’t study for this so I just want to ask what methods do u recommend on this platform as my finals are in another 5 months and I do not want to repeat this mistake again I do hope you all can help me

Hi? To be honest I am not doing well but people around me thinks I am haha. It’s just hard to express what I feel when all my life I feel like my feelings were always invalidated or I feel like I am being a burden. My family is really going through it all right now and it fucking hurts. I just gradually escaped my academic pressure and self validation but this is whats happening like another problem gosh. I thought after all the hell I been through with me and my self validation like I thought I would get better but no. Having a physically absent father and physically absent mother who is emotionally unstable is not for the weak. I still talk to my Mom but she doesn’t know that it pains me a lot knowing that they’re all in a different family now haha. Like what about me? But I understand, I always understand haha. I have been through hell since I was a kid, like my asthma condition was so worst that I almost died. It really pains me because I took care of myself growing up, always pleasing everyone to get the validation I needed, to feel loved. I just wanted to feel loved by my parents that’s all haha. I raised myself, I was a middle child but I was the one who raised us. Why you asking? Because I was always the one who knows about our family problems, always needing to be the mature one. Like can’t I be a kid and run free? Haha. I was pushed into something I didn’t want bruh, I just wanna be a kid too. All the favoritism is crazy. I am still living but a part of me already died. Seeing people commit suicide especially the influencer I love because she’s literally the reason why I loved my tanned skin, it literally triggered something in me. And it hurts, ’cause I am always so close of doing it just for the pain to end. It really hurts y’all but I don’t wanna be selfish but all I needed was my parents, I didn’t wanna be like this.