Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 6

hey, just needing to clear my head a bit. i'm a 28-year-old guy, and i've been in my first real relationship for a while now. everything's going well, but i can't help wrestling with some insecurities. see, my girlfriend, who's amazing btw, has been in quite a few relationships before me. she's got this whole experience thing going on, and i sometimes feel like i'm playing catch-up. i know she loves me, but these nagging thoughts creep in, whispering stuff like, "what if she misses the excitement of past relationships?" or "are you good enough?" it's like imposter syndrome on steroids, and it's messing with my head. have you ever been in a situation where you felt less experienced than your partner, and how did you handle it? 🤔

i mean, communication is key, right? but every time i think about bringing it up, i'm worried it'll sound whiny or insecure, which obviously it is, but still. 😅 i don't want to push her away with my doubts. it's a vicious cycle, though – the more i tell myself not to worry, the more i actually do. it's like trying to ignore the elephant in the room. we all arguably bring baggage into relationships, but what do you do when you know yours might tip the scales? i've tried working on myself, becoming more self-assured, but remnants of insecurity still linger. do you reckon it'll always be this way? or is there a turning point where these thoughts stop showing up uninvited? maybe that's the million-dollar question for anyone in similar shoes. if you've got any insight, sharing would be awesome....

Because of my mom’s boyfriend I might sort of be forced to Canada. I’m 16 now. Because of everything going on it’s made me feel dissociated, anxious, more depressed, and I’ve been getting horrible thoughts again.

My mom’s boyfriend has consumed her life. At first in my other story I thought she was getting lost in the idea of love which I still believe but she also recently told me the abuse and how she’s afraid for her life and our (me and my grandmas) if she leaves.

He has threatened to send people to my home, threatened to hurt my mom, and I heard from my grandma that he held my mom and I think raped her while she was menstruating. Because of the threats and the way it seems that my mom isn’t really making an effort to leave him since today I found out she had gotten a freshly new tattoo of his name, Luis Garcia, on the middle of her chest in big bold letters. But besides that because of everything, my grandma wants to take me out to Canada with her but they’re gonna close the borders once I’m over there (it’s what she said) and I’d have to be over there for a few months but if that were to happen that means I’d lose my therapy since if I don’t show up for months or I don’t show up to a lot of schedule appointments they’re gonna pull me out of therapy and I’d have to get a new therapist all over again. This is my 3rd therapist.

I have an option to live with my aunt but I don’t think it would be possible because a lot of responsibility is being put onto my aunt like keeping care of all of my grandmas plants and animals while my grandma is in Canada.. and I don’t want to be a burden but I’m so tired of holding of everything in and if I lose my therapist I won’t have anyone because this family is full of “you don’t need therapy”, “you’re not depressed”, “you don’t have an anxiety disorder, you need a brain scan to tell that”, etc.

If I go to Canada I’ll have no therapy and I’ll lose my therapy because they’ll send the discharge papers, most likely no privacy and I’d be forced to sleep with my grandma and I’d probably be living with my uncles wife that doesn’t speak English and her daughter is extremely clingy and would probably beg me to play with her which I really don’t want because I enjoy my privacy and I enjoy my alone time like I’m sure plenty of others do, I’m not close with my uncle and I’d be embarrassing if I have to ask him to buy me pads since he’d be the only one working (I think?).

And I don’t even have much time to think of any of this because 1 - I was already told to start packing up. 2 - My uncle is gonna come soon before the borders close so I HAVE to go IF my dad signs the consent form for me to leave Rochester and to Canada (my mom and dad have part custody).

I don’t know what to do, I’m overwhelmed and I feel like I have no choice in any of this. It’s like they expect me to be strong but I’m only 16, FRESHLY 16. I haven’t been 16 for over a month yet. I’m so tired of feeling alone because I know how much language barriers there’s gonna be with everyone speaking Spanish and I have selective mutism (I’m Puerto Rican and I do understand Spanish but to a certain extent since no one really taught me Spanish or spoke Spanish to me). If I lose therapy I’m gonna lose all the help I have.

i’m 19 and i feel like i missed the damn memo on how to love someone. everyone around me is falling in love like it’s some biological reflex—like breathing, like blinking. my friends talk about “butterflies” and “sparks” and that shit just sounds made up. i’ve tried dating, i’ve tried hooking up, i’ve even tried just feeling something when someone looks at me a certain way. but nope. nothing. i’m like emotionally flatlined. am i broken? it’s not like i hate people, i just don’t know what it means to love them. it’s frustrating as hell watching others get so swept up in emotions i can’t even relate to. like, how do you know you love someone? what does it even f***ing feel like? 🤷‍♀️

my friends get all soft over someone texting them “good night” and meanwhile i’m sitting there dissecting the tone and spacing like it’s a damn forensic report. they say love is about connection, chemistry, timing—okay cool, but that’s not a goddamn tutorial. no one tells you how to actually get there. do i fake it until it happens? do i keep swiping through people like i’m scrolling for answers? and don’t tell me “you’ll just know” because that’s useless. i want to feel things, but i can’t manufacture that shit. and then you wonder if it’s asexuality, aromanticism, some kind of emotional dysfunction—but none of it feels like the right diagnosis. i crave something i don’t even understand, something i’ve never had; something maybe i’m not built for.

what if i’m just a highly logical person whose emotional receptors are set to factory default? i analyze behavior, assess compatibility, evaluate risk like a f***ing machine. my brain’s running algorithms and everyone else is writing poetry. i’m sick of pretending like i get it. i want to scream when people say “you’ll find the one” like it’s inevitable. what if i don’t? what if i’m fundamentally incompatible with love? am i supposed to just keep watching everyone else play house while i sit in the audience? 🫠 i want to love, i want to feel, but i can’t fake intimacy, i can’t invent desire; i don’t even know what i’m missing. so yeah—how the hell do you love someone?

it's sometimes a curious thing how life plays out, isn't it? i've been around the sun 29 times, not claiming to have all the wisdom but perhaps just enough to understand the ebbs and flows of life. i was sitting down the other day, lost in thought, pondering over everything life has thrown my way. i find myself marvelling at how steady everything seems, how serene. and it hits me, like one of those 'aha' moments that people often talk about. all these feelings i have now, this tranquillity, it's largely because of him, my husband. he's kind of like the unsung hero in the movie of my life, always working behind the scenes to make sure everything falls into place and runs smoothly.

you see, there are days when i feel like i'm floundering, grasping at whatever stability i can find. yet there's always this unyielding anchor - that's him. maybe he's not perfect, but who is, right? there's this balance we have, like a well-rehearsed symphony. when i falter, he's the one holding the metronome, ensuring everything stays in rhythm. maybe you're wondering why i bother sharing all this syrupy stuff. but you know, every so often, one just feels the need to let some sunshine out, you understand what i mean? isn't it just nice when the little cogs in our universe align for a bit? i'm not saying i'm leaning on him like a crutch, but rather, it's a partnership that just works like two puzzle pieces clicking into place.

there's this funny thing about the mundane routine that we fall into, you know what i'm talking about? laundry, dishes, bills, the daily grind. on paper, it sounds tedious but in reality, it feels somewhat bearable - dare i say enjoyable - when shared. splitting the chores, which honestly sound like an endless project management task sometimes, becomes second nature with him. we don't need to draw up a Gantt chart to know who's doing what; we just know. even when i find myself buried under a pile of responsibilities, whether it's work-related or just life's curveballs, he's there with that ever-reliable presence. no fuss, no frills, just simple, genuine support. it amazes me sometimes, the depth of such reliability.

so, as trite as this might sound, i just wanted to put it out there. thank you, sincerely, genuinely, whole-heartedly. it's not every day one stops and acknowledges the small but significant acts of kindness and reliability woven into the fabric of their lives. i mean, don't you think it's important to just stop and have a moment of clarity and gratitude every now and then? our stories and experiences are our own but shared experiences like these - sharing the load, the chores, the routine - are what fortify the bonds we build. in this intricate web of everyday life, having someone like him fills the gaps with a warmth that, at least to me, feels incredibly profound. 😊

What the hell is happening in my own house?? I used to think I had it together—career, family, routine. But lately, I wake up already exhausted, and it’s not because of work or age. It’s these damn teenage kids!!! Every day is a damn psychological battle!!! Mood swings, slammed doors, sarcastic answers, zero respect for boundaries!!! And don’t get me started on screen time—why the hell am I always the bad guy for setting limits??? I try to keep calm, but my voice always ends up shaking, like my whole system’s on overload. Hormones?? Sure. But what about mine?? Am I supposed to just keep absorbing the chaos until I crack?? Is that the plan?? Because it sure feels like it.

Even basic things like dinner or chores turn into full-blown negotiations!!! I’m not their damn project manager!!! I ask for plates to be cleared, and somehow I’m triggering a “mental health episode”??? I didn’t sign up for emotional hostage situations every evening!!! And don’t give me that “gentle parenting” crap—I’m not trying to be their friend, I’m trying to keep the household running without going clinically insane!!! Do they see what they’re doing??? Or am I the only one who’s drowning in this mess??? I walk into their rooms and it smells like puberty and rebellion had a baby. I’m not even trying to fix them anymore. I’m just trying not to lose myself in the process.

So yeah, I’m scared. Scared that one day I’ll snap and not come back from it. I have intrusive thoughts I don’t want. I hear my own voice and don’t recognize it. Ever feel that?? Like you’re watching yourself spiral but still expected to drive carpool and make dentist appointments??? I go through the motions like a damn automaton, but inside, I’m questioning my own stability every five minutes!!! Is this what it looks like before you lose your mind??? Or am I already halfway there??!! I don’t need a diagnosis or sympathy. I just needed to write this out before I scream at a wall or throw my phone at something. Maybe someone out there gets it. Maybe not. Doesn’t matter.

This is where it began, I guess.

So I was classmates with this one guy (calling him EC) back when I was in grade 2 and we were really good friends back then, though over time our friendship wasn't as tight as before. Honestly, I get why it wasn't. We couldn't meet as much due to us being put in different sections.

Anyway, fast forward to the point where I was grade 6.

Still was in the same school but made more friends, and I was the "smartest" (I'll rant about that some other time) in my class. Tried running for class president because the teachers convinced me to, but I lost the election for it. "It's fine," I thought to myself. And to be fair, the person that won the election (calling him BA) deserved that spot. Really nice and kind to anyone he could see.

Minded my business for the most part after that, except when my classmates asked for help on how to do some homework or clarify instructions the teachers gave (which I gladly did for them). Surprisingly, BA was one of those people, and kept asking me frequently. Couldn't refuse, so I just sucked it up and offered a hand. Over time though, I started to like him. I don't know why. I just did.

Near the end of the school year, our homeroom teacher asked what we were gonna do after graduating. BA then started talking about going abroad with his close friends to me. I asked who was going with him, and he said EC and a couple others who I don't know.

BA and I got into the same all-boys high school for grade 7, but got put in different sections. Didn't bother us both, though. We'd meet somewhere inside the library and he'd keep asking for help. To be honest, that school year was too boring without him by my side. What I didn't tell him however (and still haven't told him) was that I'd be transferring to another school for grade 8, so he still thinks I'll be by his side. I tried convincing my parents to let me stay, primarily because I want to still be with him, but I can't get them to budge.

Up until then, I still didn't tell him or anyone that I like him. I want to ask him out someday, but I can't. First, I don't know if he's just as interested in me as I am to him. Second, the students in this high school dislike the idea of dating the same sex. Most of the students there openly make homophobic remarks and shame others outside school and I don't want him to be treated like that. Third, I don't think we can work a long-distance relationship if he does like me back, and I don't think he'll drop everything to be with me cuz all his friends, especially EC, are still in that high school.

Grade 8 is about to start soon. I have his DM's but I don't know what to tell him. I don't know what to do.

Sorry if my rant was too long, please drink enough water, get enough sleep, and bye!❤️

I am unsure how to begin but I guess it’s something that has been staying inside for a while now and I need to let it out??? I am 32 years old, male, and in a situation where things are not as I would prefer them to be; not terrible or tragic or chaotic — just not what I expected, not fulfilling, not truly aligned with what I believed life would look like at this point. I go to work, I come home, I eat, I sleep, and then I repeat, and while the routine itself is not harmful or unhealthy or anything, it lacks warmth, it lacks color, it lacks anything that feels meaningful!!! Is that what growing up is about??? Being stable but entirely emotionally neutral??? Because if it is, I’m not happy!!!

My days feel long but the weeks fly by — isn’t that odd??? I sit at my desk, handle all my responsibilities, stay polite with coworkers, I answer calls, I go to meetings, I complete my tasks in time, and then I go home, and when I get there, it’s not like anything is waiting for me. It’s not depressing, it’s just flat. I don’t hate my life, but I certainly don’t love it either. There is no one waiting at home to talk to me, and I do not have the energy to reach out to others — not because I don’t care, but because I just don’t know what I would even say. “Hi, how are you?” seems fake. “Can we talk?” seems too much. I cook dinner, or I order something when I’m too tired, and I sit alone while I eat and scroll on my phone, but I don't even care what I’m looking at??? Why do we do this???

Weekends are the strangest part of it all. People look forward to them, don’t they??? Two days to do what you want — but what is it I even want anymore??? I used to go on hikes or meet with friends, but now everyone is busy or married or away or just not in that headspace. I clean my apartment, I do laundry, I water my plants — yes, I have plants, and they’re still alive somehow, which makes me feel like I’m doing okay, at least at the bare minimum. Sometimes I try new recipes or reorganize my shelves just to make the hours pass faster. It’s like I’m filling time with filler tasks, not because I want to but because I don’t want to sit still and think too much. But is that living??? Or just not dying???

I understand this all probably sounds dramatic but I assure you I am just being honest. I’m not sad. I’m not angry. I’m not even really anxious, which surprises me. I just... feel muted. And I think there must be other people out there who feel the same and maybe they also don’t talk about it much??? Maybe they’re sitting in their living rooms wondering what the point is, and wondering if they should be grateful for the peace or resentful for the emptiness. I’m not asking for sympathy — just wondering out loud, typing it here, hoping someone might read this and nod and say “yeah, same.” That would be enough for me!!! Just knowing someone out there understands, without needing to fix it or change it or judge it.

Still, I try to look ahead. I make lists of things to do that I might enjoy. I signed up for a language course — maybe learning something new will help, maybe meeting people through that will shift something. I even started jogging again last week, and my legs hated it but I kind of liked the effort, the movement, the sweat. It reminded me I’m still in there somewhere, still alive. I think hope doesn’t always come from big dreams or sudden joy, sometimes it’s just the choice to keep trying, even when it feels pointless; I’ll keep showing up, doing small things, adjusting when I can, and maybe eventually, things will feel lighter. Maybe that’s the point??? Not to feel amazing all the time, but just to keep moving until something clicks. Are you also not happy??? Maybe we’re not alone in this.

So like, my ex has been acting weird lately and I don’t know if I’m reading too much into it or if he’s lowkey trying to come back. We broke up three months ago, wasn’t even that messy but we both kinda agreed it wasn’t working. But now he’s liking my posts again, watching all my stories the second I post them, and even replied “lol” to one like bro what’s funny? He NEVER used to watch my stories before unless I made him. And suddenly he cares now? Idk if it’s guilt or he’s being nosy or if he actually misses me. One of my friends said he asked if I’m seeing anyone now and I’m like—why the hell would he care? We not together anymore, you don’t get to ask those questions.

Then this one time, I was walking by his group at school and he literally went silent, stared, and did that half-smile like he didn’t know if he should say hi. Didn’t say shit though. I’m not saying he’s obsessed or anything but if you don’t want to talk, then don’t stare. Just turn around or keep walking. Like stop being a coward. Another day, he texted me “hey” out of nowhere at midnight. I didn’t reply. What was I supposed to say? Hey back and pretend like nothing happened? He dumped me because he said he “needed space” and now he’s crawling back with one dumb word? Get the f*ck outta here with that. Boys are so confusing, they want you until they have you, then when they don’t, they suddenly remember how good they had it.

I swear, it’s giving “I miss you but I’m too scared to say it.” But then again, I could just be imagining all this and he’s just bored or playing around. Maybe he wants attention, maybe he regrets stuff, maybe he just likes messing with my head. I don’t even know what I’d do if he said he wanted to get back together. Part of me would wanna slap him and the other part would probably melt; and yeah I know that sounds pathetic but whatever. At the end of the day I’m human. Do I still have feelings for him? Not really, but also maybe a little bit. Sometimes I do miss the way things were when it was good. Not the drama though. Never that again.

Anyway, what do y’all think? Are those signs or am I just being dumb? Would you say anything if your ex started acting like that? I feel like I’m going crazy trying to figure him out. Should I just ignore it and move on or call him out and be like “wtf do you want?” I don’t need games, I just want peace. If he’s trying to get back together, he needs to say it with his chest. I’m not gonna sit here and guess feelings like I’m on some reality TV show. I just hate this limbo sh*t. Tell me what’s up or go away. Simple.

i put love stories for all types of love. i think there’s something wrong with me. i wear off on people and i genuinely don’t know what part about me makes this happen but it DOES happen. people tell me just because im a teenager im overreacting but they’ve never lived my life so how should they know? i just want love. i want it so bad and as soon as i grab it it just goes away. one of my favorite shows, bojack horseman, has so many quotes that i relate to, but the one i relate to most rn is the one from the cat in the show, princess carolyn: “You know the worst part? I knew this was gonna happen, and I let myself get excited anyway.”

that’s how i feel when i finally wear off.

my kitten is named after princess carolyn n i call her pc for short

Are my feelings valid? When I hesitate to give to my husband’s family. They’re not well-off, but they’re managing. We already have our own family, and his salary is small and barely enough. We still give to his family from time to time, and I agree to it, but sometimes it becomes too much.

We always argue because he always wants to help his family. I don’t really have a problem with that — it’s just that his salary is small, and we also have a baby who still needs milk. But his mom and dad sometimes ask us for money, even for things like his sibling’s school allowance.

We give when we can, so it’s not like I’m being selfish. I just don’t like it when it becomes excessive, because we’re not rich either. We argue because he thinks I’m being selfish toward his family, but of course, I’m also thinking about the fact that he already has a family of his own now — us.

And when I cry during our fights, he tells me, ‘You act like you’re the one being mistreated.’ I just want to express my emotions because I’m not used to us having serious fights.

Are my feelings valid?

I want my voice to be heard someday

I'm a young adult who want(s/ed) to be an artist, a coder, a helper, and a nice person who wanted to change everyone's lives, but I feel no motivation to continue what I love. I find no passion for anything anymore, and it's all my fault. I'm in a never-ending cycle of hatred towards myself and in a cycle of wanting to see the people who had hurt me get their consequences. My interests are as varied as white bread: corporate, childish, soulless, samey; mixed in with the most obscure stuff people that nobody knows about. When I say I want to get into something that is remotely indie, I turn it into my whole personality, then I feel nothing afterwards. I am not good at human interaction, and I have a lot of problems with talking to people face to face, so it started affecting how I talked to others in school. So, I started to use the internet to talk to others.

It all started on Discord, where I decided to make an account after the pandemic started changing our lives and when I started feeling friendless. For the first two years, I was fine, even if a bit cringe. I was progressing in my art goal, albeit in a very different way, and this was when I finally started leaving a mark on the internet, which is what I always wanted to do, until... I got in trouble with a community, which led to a friend of mine leaving me eventually. I always needed an art tutor, but I never really knew how to go about requesting one. I also did not want to pay because if I paid, my parents would've been against it. This was a horrible mistake, as it made others think I was a beggar, when in reality I needed help. A lot of people claiming to be my friends also left me for the stupidest reasons and even spread rumors about myself. This was when I decided enough was enough. I restarted everything about myself online, and my goal to leaving a mark on the internet had completely reset.

There was this thing one person said that stuck out to me: How their interests did not match my interests. This still haunts me to this day, because I have not been able to get into a lot of indie stuff a lot of Gen Z users like, or even popular stuck others like. I can't broaden my interests because everything still feels either samey or ruined by terrible communities or friends.

I wanted to draw the same thing my favorite small online artists drew. I wanted to share the huge passion I had for storytelling and character design. Every single one of my favorite artists felt like they all brought their own version of their own world, but in reality, they all felt very similar to each other to a fascinating degree. It was like a small group of small artists that understood each other, even if they had different approaches. I needed to get in, but if I wanted to get in, I needed my slate to be as clean as possible and to practice a lot.

I used my new, yet still lacking set of art skills to build a new name and new stories, and with it, I promised myself to broaden my horizons. I started making a lot of new friends in a new community that took a while to get used to, but when I did, I started warming up and making it my go-to place. They didn't find my interests boring or samey. However, there was this one friend who wanted to assist me in my path. They were very nice, but what I didn't realize at the time is that they were too nice to me. It wasn't until it was too late when I found their true intentions.

At one point, I started feeling too distanced from the real world. I got into fights with my family members more frequently, almost like if I was being controlled by a puppet. Not even online had my behavior differed from the real world, as I started feeling this uneasy feeling that everyone would start hating me again and seeing everyone in my group starting to suffer mentally horribly, it started making me go insane. Months would turn into days, and the date finally came. I found out what they really wanted to do to me, and so did my parents. However, when it happened, the punishment was way, way off.

I had to leave Discord and my newfound name I wanted to leave a mark as. I could feel my life falling endlessly as my goals slowly vanished, all ties to my friends were cut. My electronics were all confiscated, even my Switch. My family members were not afraid to show their anger towards me and even told me that I should BEG God for forgiveness, because he wouldn't forgive me in a lifetime. Everything fell down to the gutter, but I still tried to put a positive spin on all of this. At least it's all better than what that person was going to do to me, right?

I had changed a lot since the initial punishment. I became more socially active with my family members and had tried a little bit harder to change and find my own self, and some things from the initial punishment were lifted too, but there's still something. I found an artist with a great style, one that felt like they belonged into that small group of small artists I wanted to be like. They literally checked all the boxes in just a week, but there was something different. I wanted to continue my goal, but then, creative block struck, and not just any creative block, an entire 1000 lb weigh in my brain was put. I couldn't draw my own custom things anymore, so I had no choice but to use ChatGPT to keep my creative visions alive, even if severely flawed as methods. Then, I found no passion for coding at all, as I had nobody to give suggestions about my code, then I resorted to having to use Copilot to give me blueprints. I started yearning to use Discord again, but my parents still don't trust me, and I doubt they will give me everything back anytime soon.

I have no control of my own life anymore. I can't go on without having friends or motivation. I can't go on without having free unlimited access to creativity. I feel stuck, and I had a realization. I got myself into this. My entire motive to get going with art was to find ONE friend who valued me and my projects the most, one who could contribute to my own creativity, someone I could rely to. I would search all over the communities I was interested in (which weren't a lot) to find someone if one person refused and bullied me for it. I should've stopped trying to force a friendship with someone.

I don't know what to do anymore. I didn't even feel like writing this that much, but it HAD to come out somehow. I had been trying to build my own online brand for 5 years but ended up hurting myself in the long run. I'm still friendless, still limited, and still getting stalked by that person who ruined everything. Every time I go out to the yard, I have this flashback of that fateful day where everything went wrong. I wanted a hobby and a job I enjoyed so much, and I still want to draw and code, and maybe even blueprint a mall one day, but I don't find myself motivated to do any of those things anymore. Am I still doing something wrong?

not gonna lie, 37 doesn't feel anything like what i thought it would. sure, i'm older and theoretically wiser, but when it comes to self-worth? it's like i'm stuck back in high school, constantly questioning if i'm enough. i mean, you’d think by now i'd have it figured out, right? maybe it's just me, but society keeps pushing this insane idea that by a certain age, we should have it all together. yet here i am, feeling like a complete failure in various aspects of my life.

sometimes i wonder if it's society setting the bar so damn high, or if i'm just incompetent. ever feel like you're just going through the motions, ticking boxes but not actually moving forward? that's been my reality for a while. career-wise, i’m stuck in a job that's more soul-sucking than rewarding. my friends joke about their "real" jobs while i'm over here hustling in something that pays the bills but kills the spirit. who knew following passions could lead to this much existential dread? 🙃 how many others are out there, grappling with the same silent despair because they haven't “made it” yet?

and don't even get me started on relationships. it's not that i'm desperate for companionship, but sometimes the societal pressure feels like a chokehold. those phrases like "biological clock" and "settle down" aren't just words, they start to feel like accusations. even my family, who mean well, toss in their two cents every goddamn time we talk. as if i haven't considered it all before, as if i'm oblivious to the endless cycle of tantrums at family dinners. can they not see i’d figure it out if i could? the audacity! i swear, if i hear another "when are you going to settle down?" again, i might scream. am i really the only one who feels this exhausted by it all?

the worst part? social media. it's a double-edged sword that's mostly torture. scrolling through endless posts of other people’s curated versions of success just fuels the sense of inadequacy. everyone looks like they’re winning at life, and it’s hard not to compare yourself to yet another “inspirational” story. it’s as if speaking about feeling worthless online is the last taboo. why pretend to be perfect when nobody actually has their shit together? it's baffling. can we just agree that being in your late thirties is a confusing mess, and maybe it's okay to admit it sometimes?

so here i am, 37, female, feeling lost and stuck, but still trudging forward. does it ever get better, or are we all just faking it until we make it? who knows. i've accepted that maybe there's no one-size-fits-all answer and that maybe, just maybe, the key is to stop giving a damn about what everyone else thinks. a person can only handle so much “constructive criticism” before it just becomes noise. until i figure it all out, i’ll keep venting here. thanks for reading, whoever you are.

This morning I checked my class group chat and a guy in my class called Thomas got and admin to remove me because I posted a gif of a Dalek witch my friend had also done. The admin who removed me called Ellis has voiced how Thomas has pissed him off but he calls me gay so I’m not surprised that he removed me. But more about Thomas. He is just a bully he targets this guy called Nathan in my class. Thomas has repeatedly told me “shut up you’re not funny” when I posted a video of that drug abuse is the new slavery PSA but when he saw it in school he chuckled but there’s more about Thomas in the first semester he slide tackled my friend and my friend started crying (Thomas is taller and bigger than my friend) and Thomas is just generally annoying. Sorry if this is a mess

I ain't one to air my laundry, but sometimes it's freeing to just lay it all out there. life throws curveballs, and boy, did i get hit by one. my husband, bless his heart, decided to test our vows a couple years ago. cheated on me, he did. now, i ain't saying i'm perfect, but that knock knocked the wind out of me. i'm 47, been around the block, and you'd think i'd seen it all, but nothing prepares you for your partner's betrayal. it ain't easy, letting go of that kind of hurt. easy living is what i wanted, but life had other plans. by the way, how long does it really take to forgive? learned from a wise soul that, "forgiveness ain't about forgetting, but about letting go of the hold that pain has over you." and ain't that the truth? let me tell you, releasing that grip ain't a one-and-done deal.

from that day, things changed. our house felt different, like the walls knew secrets they shouldn't. "once trust is gone, it's hard to earn it back." a cliché, sure, but reality is cliches exist for a reason. tried therapy, tried talking, tried understanding the why's and how's. maybe i could've seen it coming, maybe not. questions like a spinning wheel in my head, asking, did i do enough? was i overlooking the signs? but hey, blaming myself ain't gonna fix a thing. i've learned not to carry that burden. laid it on him, rightly so. he messed up, not me. relationships are tricky business, and cautionary tales abound. but man, it hurts to be the one people wag their tongues about, even if no names are named. staying put, that's my choice, 'cause the heart and mind have minds of their own. ever been in such a dilemma yourself? if so, you'll know it's a matter of picking the pieces, even when some might be missing.

'm figuring out the whole forgive but never forget thing. my puzzle's still got gaps, and that's okay. life's not about having it all figured out, is it? daily, i remind myself of the good times, but the shadows linger. ain't saying i'm a saint, but i'm being kind to myself. "to err is human; to forgive is divine," or so they say. not divine, just human, with all the flaws and sorrows that come with it. hesitations and doubts live rent-free in my head, but that's part of the package deal called moving on. we ain't perfect, not you, not me, not my husband. but i feel you gotta let people learn from mistakes, right? and if second chances are a deal-breaker for some, who am i to judge? life's too short to hold grudges, but it sure as hell ain't too short to forget. what about you? where do you draw the line between forgiving and forgetting?

My boyfriend of almost a year ago emotionally cheated on me with his at the time girl best friend. I never wanted to look at his phone. I had gotten out of a toxic relationship where the last one cheated but I wanted to try things differently this time with my current boyfriend. I never questioned girls or even looked over his shoulder for my own peace of mind. After awhile week of dating he broke it off with me saying he didn’t think this would work out, when I asked him more about he began to say it was his friend who had influenced him. I can’t lie in that moment I took his phone and looked right away. When I looked at his and his girl best friends text I saw they had both been talking about personal things of me and just talking bad in general. He then proceeded to end things on and off because of this girl. He’s blocked her and now it’s just been us, however his roommates are super close friends with this girl and now it seems like I can’t stop looking through his phone for more details on what he’s lying about. I feel like I hate him sometimes. It seems like he’s trying his hardest but I feel like I can’t ever trust him again. I keep trying. We aren’t always bad but when I think about what he’s said, done, or knows it kills me. He won’t let me break up with him because he thinks we can work it out. I feel like I’m being dramatic but he also knows what he was trying to do. Along with that he’s aware I got cheated on. Obviously there’s a lot more details but this is the short version. I’m not sure what to do, I want us to work things out but I don’t even know the first step . We’ve tried talking but it doesn’t ever go good. What more can I do?