Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 5

it’s been eating at me for years now, this thing i carry around, like a rotting piece of fruit in my pocket—i can’t just throw it away, but damn if it doesn’t stink up everything. i cheated. not once. not even just a fling that came and went. multiple times, over the years, with different women, for different reasons, and none of them were good enough. i never told her. my wife, the one who still looks at me like i’m the guy she married twenty years ago. the guilt didn’t hit right away; it crept in slow, like fog rolling over a field, and now i can barely see who i am anymore. forgiveness feels like a word other people get to use, not me. i tried everything—therapy, journaling, praying (and i’m not even religious), but none of it sticks because the truth is still there, hidden and heavy. i know people say “forgive yourself or it’ll eat you alive,” but they never talk about how to do it when the person you hurt doesn’t even know they were hurt. is it even forgiveness if there’s no accountability? or is it just denial dressed up as healing? i don’t want to confess just to ease my own conscience, that feels selfish. but doing nothing, pretending i can move forward while dragging this corpse of a past behind me, doesn’t work either.

i keep asking myself, “what would i tell someone else in my position?” i’d probably say, “you’re not the worst thing you’ve done.” but when it’s you, when you look in the mirror and you see the choices etched into your face, that’s a whole other story. i’m trying to show up every day as a better man. i do the chores without being asked, i actually listen when she talks, i plan date nights—stupid little things that don’t erase the past but might just build something better today. but it’s not really for her; it’s for me, trying to prove i’m not a total piece of shit. the worst part is knowing she might never find out, and if she did, it would destroy everything we built. i don’t want to confess just to clean my soul at the cost of her peace. so where does that leave me? stuck in this weird middle ground between shame and pretending. it’s like trying to fix a leak with duct tape—you know it’s not gonna last, but you keep using it anyway. sometimes i wish she would find out on her own, just so the weight would fall off me without having to make the choice; that’s cowardly, i know. but feelings aren’t always noble. “we are more often treacherous through weakness than through calculation,” montesquieu said. maybe that’s me. maybe that’s all of us. 🥀

I LITERALLY HAVE NO HOBBIES, I FEEL LIKE MY FRIENDS HATE ME, IM BAD AT ART, WHEN IM IN FANDOM SPACES IM SCARED TO TALK TO ANYONE CUZ OF MY SEVERE AHH SOCIAL ANXIETY BRO💔 also my family is broken apart ahahahhelpme

My bf: I don't want to go canoeing with you. It sounds like work, and I'm too busy anyway! Now here's something really fun, how about your drive me to my friend's daughter's who you've met 3 times's high school graduation and accompany me at her graduation party for 8 hours? Oh, and no drinking because you're the driver! Doesn't that sound like fun and not work?

i’m 38 and i shake like a goddamn leaf when the anxiety hits hard. it’s not subtle, it’s not “just in my head,” it’s full-on tremors like i’m freezing in a meat locker naked. i hate it. it’s embarrassing, especially in public or at work. people pretend not to notice, but they notice—oh, they fucking notice. my hands twitch, my legs bounce, sometimes my jaw clenches so tight it hurts. and the worst part? it doesn’t even matter if i know it’s coming. there’s no warning bell, no gentle rise of stress i can manage—just boom, there it is. i’ve tried to outthink it. i’ve tried grounding exercises, breathing like some enlightened yoga douchebag, and even imagining myself in calm places. but when it hits, it’s like my body betrays me, and logic goes out the damn window. 🧠

the shaking doesn’t care if you’ve got a deadline or a meeting or a date. it shows up when it wants and ruins everything. i’ve tried to explain to people around me—like hey, i’m not nervous about you, i’m not having some freakout because of this specific situation—it’s just a chemical overload in my brain going haywire. but people don’t really get it unless they’ve lived it. and honestly, most of the time i don’t have the damn energy to explain it anyway. the worst part is pretending it’s not happening; forcing myself to hold a coffee cup steady when my hand clearly says otherwise. like what am i supposed to do, tape my limbs down? i can’t just vanish from reality every time it hits; that’s not how life works;

what’s also wild is how random it can be. i’ve had full days where everything seemed fine—slept well, ate like a damn adult, kept my caffeine low—and then bam, anxiety tornado from hell. it doesn’t care about logic or rhythm. i’ll be driving and suddenly my foot's twitching on the pedal, or trying to read a book and the words blur from the tension. the only thing that seems to work a little is stepping outside and pacing like an unhinged philosopher. the movement sometimes tricks my brain into focusing on walking instead of spiraling. but who the hell has time to go for a walk every time they get shaky? it’s not realistic when you’ve got shit to do, kids to feed, jobs to hold down, bills to worry about.

one time at a restaurant, i knocked over a glass trying to lift it to my mouth. the server gave me that awkward half-smile, the kind people use when they’re trying to be kind but don’t want to get involved. i could feel my face go red as hell, and i wanted to crawl under the table. my date asked if i was okay and i just nodded like a damn liar. i wasn’t okay. i was shaking so badly i wanted to run to the bathroom and hide until my system cooled off. i didn’t though. i stayed. i wiped up the water with a napkin and kept the conversation going, because that’s what we do, right? pretend it’s fine until it is, or until it ends.

so here i am, still figuring it out. i don’t have some miracle answer, and honestly, i don’t think there is one. anxiety like this is physical. it’s not always mental. it lives in the body like a parasite and shows up when it wants. maybe one day it’ll leave me the hell alone. maybe not. but until then, i try not to beat myself up every time the shakes come. i let my body freak out a bit if it needs to, try to slow my breathing, maybe grip something solid and ride it out. it sucks, but it is what it is. if you deal with this too, you’re not broken. you’re just trying to keep moving through something that’s hard to describe but very, very real. and if anyone tells you to “just relax”? tell them to kindly fuck off.

as a 17-year-old male confined to a wheelchair since birth, the notion of possessing a superpower often captivates my imagination. it's an intriguing scenario to envision - transcending the limitations of my physical form and embracing abilities that defy the laws of nature. in such flights of fancy, i ponder the myriad of possibilities: the gift of flight, the capability to manipulate time, or the power to heal. despite the practical implausibility of acquiring such skills, the concept remains captivating and serves as a source of motivation and contemplation.

in my musings, the prospect of flight often takes center stage. the idea of soaring through the clouds, emancipating oneself from the restraints of gravity - it's truly exhilarating. "but would the exhilaration of soaring through endless skies outweigh the responsibility that often accompanies such power?" one might ask. it's a fair point, given the complexities of the airspace, the burden of providing aid when needed, and the ethical dilemma of intervening in natural calamities. while navigating through such ethical quandaries, the allure of flight remains enticing nonetheless.

time manipulation also piques interest, with its far-reaching implications. one might ponder the ramifications of revisiting moments, altering choices, and even witnessing future. however, "would controlling the fabric of time itself lead to adverse consequences, disrupting the delicate equilibrium?" considering the predicaments of paradoxes and affecting the universe's timeline provoke an array of philosophical inquiries. indeed, these are inquiries from scholars and philosophers that have been contemplated throughout ages, potentially providing insight and balance to harness such immense power judiciously.

the ability to heal, perhaps the most altruistic of powers, resonates deeply with the desire to ameliorate suffering. at first glance, it appears immaculate and devoid of complications. yet, "would possessing the capability to heal indiscriminately compromise the natural order and progression of life and death?" in reflecting upon perspectives shared by medical professionals and ethicists, one must acknowledge the complexities of intervention, the ethical implications of prolonging life, and the impact on the global ecosystem. these are considerations that add gravitas and depth to the proposition of wielding such a formidable gift.

perhaps engaging in such a hypothetical discourse serves as an exercise in understanding not only oneself but also the embrace of limitations and potentialities. as i contemplate these superpowers, i'm often led to consider the latent power within - the ability to inspire, to innovate, and to transform adversity into opportunity. ultimately, i ask, "how do you, dear reader, perceive the superpowers within and beyond, and how would they define your existence?" indeed, this is an inquiry into the extraordinary capabilities we each possess, waiting to be realized in manifold forms. 🤔

So he dumped me. Yeah, it's the classic story of a two-year relationship ending in a blazing inferno of heartbreak and confusion. Ever felt your heart drop to your stomach like a malfunctioning elevator? That's exactly how it went down. Two years of late-night cuddles, inside jokes, and shared Spotify playlists just tossed aside like yesterday’s trash. And here I am, a 21-year-old woman, staring at my reflection asking, "why can't I stop crying?" 😭

Seriously though, who even decides it's perfectly fine to obliterate someone’s universe over a text? That's right, he broke up with me over a damn text! Talk about modern-day dating atrocities. Why did I ever trust someone with the emotional intelligence of a goldfish? As you can guess, I haven’t stopped crying since. Not to be melodramatic, but I feel like I've been caught in a torrential downpour without an umbrella. RIP my post-breakup plans 🌧️ They say it takes half the time you were with someone to get over them; does that mean I've got a solid year of this emotional rollercoaster still to ride? 🚂

The rational part of me knows this is just a transient phase, that I'll eventually overcome this episode; but the other part, the one that holds onto those self-inflicted pity parties, has a different narrative to spin. Funny, you never really understand the term 'emotional baggage' until someone decides to up and leave, leaving you with enough emotional luggage to open a boutique. Yet here I am, holding onto the scraps of memories and the wreckage of what was. Aren't we supposed to grow from these experiences? Or is that just a nugget of wisdom to placate the wounded ego? 🤔

I love this guy so much. I love him so much that I wish he would understand that it's torture to be left in the dark about how he feels. We got into a situation where I was honestly being very emotional and hysterical for no good reason. I asked him if he would ever tell me if he had an issue with me or anything that he ever wanted to talk about so that I wouldn't spiral so badly again and he told me that he would never. I was shocked to say the least. It's important for me that there is communication in a relationship and I feel like we have awesome conversations when we are just talking, but we can never sit down and have a conversation about anything important. He internalizes a lot of things and I feel very cautious of what I say around him because he remembers very little comments and brings them up when we fight about anything. I match his energy and I keep things to myself and when I eventually explode and have horrible reactions he either just brushes off my emotions with "ugh men" or he talks about how he could've never known I felt that way and that I should talk instead of keep things to myself, when he is the worst at doing that. He makes me feel like I'm insane or dramatic and he often calls me dramatic, but I don't know if I really am or if I'm normal? We have both had bad experiences with dating in the past, so of course we're gonna have our baggage, but I really want this to work. He recently has talked about moving back to his home state with his mom and how he wants to get a one bedroom apartment and I was afraid that he meant alone and my emotions are clear on my face usually so he saw and he told me that of course he meant with me, but I really feel like I can't trust anything he tells me. He is very good at putting up a facade, it's kind of chilling how he can do that honestly because one day he was talking to an old friend and being very chill and laughing with them and immediately after that he just straight up cut them off entirely. He had reasons why he did that and I understood that he felt uncomfortable with that friend for a long time, but it put a big fear in my heart that I would wake up and he would just be gone one day. How would I even explain that to people? I have been through something similar with an ex that I had in high school where we stopped talking and he broke up with me and blocked me. I feel like this is worse though because I am not even sure if he would TELL me before just straight up blocking me.

She used to be outgoing, growing her confidence with dresses and feminine clothing again and taking me out places with her.. she even did her makeup again after years without it cause she was feeling herself, even getting her nails done. She even took me out on a girls day just me and her and we had a great time.

Fast forward, she got a boyfriend. Locked in her room 24/7, always on FaceTime or regular call with him, there’s a camera in my moms room now that was put there by her boyfriend.. a whole situation happened where my, my mom, and my grandma all stood at my aunts house for a couple of days because of my moms bf and “safety reasons”.. he was drunk on beer when he introduced me and his daughter, and there’s more but it goes on.

Since they got together I’ve I guess you can say “observed”.. or “eavesdropped” a lot on their conversations since they’re usually loud even on the phone since he’s not allowed at my house (we live with my grandma and she said he’s not allowed). Here are things I’ve picked up that I think are both concerning and childish. For the record I’m 15, turning 16 June 15th of this year.

1 - He constantly accuses my mom of cheating and even assumes there’s a guy with her even if it’s just me and he doesn’t know I’m there

2 - He seems constantly insecure, telling my mom to go to her room and stay in there. She can barely respond to my texts because he’ll assume that my mom is texting another guy even when it’s her own daughter.

3 - He’ll talk to my mom sexually even when I’m around but I sort of assume that’s normal since my mom does the same..

4 - I peeked over my moms shoulder when she was texting at my therapist appointment and the words said “I belong to you” “you own me” because he was assuming my mom was cheating even though we were waiting in the place I go for therapy.. and he said “have fun with him” or something like that and she said “what’s fun about being in mental health”. I feel guilty but I also know it’s not my fault.

5 - This one is connected to the reason I had stood with my aunt over the weekend. She texted her boyfriend saying “I forgave you the first time for choking me”. This was I think a month ago now?? Idk.

Those are only some of the things and here are things about my mother. (She only does this when talking to a guy she’s with)

1 - She’ll tell men she’s on call with if I’m about to get my period or if I’m on my period whenever I mention that I’m cramping or I need pads and taking some of hers..

2 - She’ll make sexual gestures, phrases, jokes, etc around me and I’m not sure if that’s normal or if she’s just comfortable enough around me to do that sort of thing with the guys she’s with or on call with whoever she’s talking to at the time.

3 - She’ll talk to me about her sexual experiences and had told me about it when I was I believe 14? I’m not sure.. it could’ve been just beginning of this year.

4 - She’ll put me in view of the FaceTime knowing I’m uncomfortable with it but just to show her boyfriend that she’s not with another man.

I miss who my mom used to be.. it felt like it was me and her against the world but now it’s like she doesn’t even respond to me unless it’s to unlock the door for her since my aunt changed the lock on my door and didn’t give my mom a key because she chose her boyfriend. I feel like she’s so blinded by the idea of love that it’s suffocating and it’s like she can’t see past that and realize what it’s doing to the family.. choosing your boyfriend just because what he’s a “middle school sweetheart”? Yeah a guy who also “allegedly” put his hands on you, a guy who won’t stop accusing you of cheating, a guy who has you on camera 25/8, a guy who can’t respect your privacy and has you showing your hands so he knows you’re not “texting another guy”, a guy who accuses you of being with another man even when I’m in the room, a guy who you told “I don’t even use my fingers that’s how loyal I am” when I was right beside you in the same room, a guy you told “I only trust you”, a guy who was drunk off of beer when he introduced me and his daughter, a guy you claimed to have broken up with because he accused you of cheating so much and told you to 💀 but then got back together with him because it was a misunderstanding. She won’t even come to my room anymore to see me. She only texts me to open the door for her or when I am around her she’s talking on the phone and not with me. And she always has her phone on the entire room so he doesn’t accuse her of cheating even when I’m visibly uncomfortable.

This is a long rant but I had to get it off my chest..

i'm sitting here at my desk, staring at the blank document on my screen, wondering, am i really losing my edge? am i depressed or just lazy? it's baffling to me how, year after year, i've noticed this creeping loss of motivation at work, and the worst part? i can't pinpoint why!! for a 31-year-old guy working in IT, motivation is supposed to be my fuel, but for some reason, it feels like i've been running on fumes. i used to innovate, execute tasks with precision, and thrive in problem-solving scenarios. but now... it's like my engine's stalled and i can't find the damn key! why is that???

is it just age? i can't deny, as a male growing older, perhaps there are societal expectations that weigh heavily on my shoulders, but still, that shouldn't kill my drive... should it? my workflow has become such a mess. i manage to perform the minimal viable operations — barely making deadlines, ticking off tasks like a robot on autopilot. it's such a grind, and i find myself asking, what's the point? where'd my thirst for success in this industry go? is this some kind of existential problem?? i'm getting tired of hearing myself think all these "whys" without answers! getting ported from one project to another doesn't help either — continuity's dead in my professional life. but, truth be told, it's not external forces dampening my spirit; it's something internal.

could it be that i've hit a saturation point? is this how burnout feels? maybe i just need a break. stepping back might offer fresh perspectives, but i feel guilty! guilty for not being 100%... this loop's annoying — when i slack, i feel awful, but when i hustle, motivation peaces out. hell, it's a frigging paradox!!! is this common? do other people feel this tug-of-war? i think back to when i started in this field, enthusiasm sky-high. pipelines, coding, debugging — all were thrilling challenges. but now, they feel mundane. i'm not trying to be dramatic or entitled, i'm genuinely perplexed, questioning my state of mind. or perhaps industry's changes have left me jaded without realizing???

the worst part is, i'm caught in this limbo of indecisiveness. will making a drastic change fix things, or is it something i need to address internally first? therapy's crossed my mind, but am i ready to say i'm depressed? what if i'm really just a lazy bum??? but then, when i'm not working, this sense of guilt eats me alive. it's not like i hate my job — i still find aspects engaging, but the drive's disappeared. isn't that crazy?? people say, follow your passion, but what do you do when one's passion dwindles?? it's not encourage that i lack — colleagues and bosses have been supportive! it's like having all the resources with zero desire to utilize them.

this is the part where i'm supposed to figure it all out and give a massive, life-changing revelation. sorry to disappoint, but truth is, i'm still clueless!! am i depressed, lazy, or in need of a career pivot? can't tell. i'll keep pondering, trudging through, hoping answers will come eventually. for now, venting's all i got. meanwhile, i'll keep asking, do others deal with this crap too?? or am i an anomaly? would be interesting to know... let me know if you've been in a similar boat... and how the hell you managed to sail out of it! 🤔

honestly, i don't even know where to begin with my sister. i'm nineteen and should probably be focusing on college or whatever, but instead, i'm dealing with her constant need to one-up me. it's like a never-ending game of "who's better?" honestly, who has time for that? everything has to be a competition with her. i'm talking grades, the affection from our folks, clothes, friends—literally everything. it's like she's trying to live my life for me. i wish she'd get the memo that i'm not interested in playing along in this rivalry she's invented in her own mind.

growing up, you'd think having a sibling would be this fun and supportive experience, but man, it really hasn't been. when we'd get our report cards, you could feel the tension in the room. i remember once she smugly said, "looks like i beat you again," as if life is some kind of scoreboard. and it doesn't stop there. when it comes to our parents, she acts like we're vying for the last cookie in the jar. it's exhausting and frankly, it's starting to wear me down. who knew feeling like a second fiddle in your own family could be so draining?

and don't even get me started on the dating scene. 🙄 i get it, sisters talk about boyfriends, but when it comes to her, every conversation feels like an interrogation. if i mention a guy, she immediately needs to know every detail: his looks, his grades, his interests—and heaven forbid if he's remotely better than anyone she's dated before. "oh, so he's into sports? my boyfriend can bench twice his weight," she'd say. sometimes, i wonder if she even likes people or just collects them like trophies to parade around. it makes me question her motives and, not gonna lie, it's kinda sad to make everything so transactional.

so yeah, i can't help but sometimes think wouldn't life just be a little bit nicer if we weren't always at war with each other? i'm sure other people deal with sibling rivalry, but this constant competition leaves a bad taste in my mouth. maybe one of these days, i'll tell her how i really feel, but then again, would she even listen? or would she just see it as another chance to win some imaginary race? makes you think if it's really worth the trouble or if this is something i'm just gonna have to learn to live with. is it possible to have peace when every moment around her feels like an uphill battle? guess i'll just have to wait and see.

you ever feel like you're just a ghost in your own home? like, here I am, 31 years old, a dude who's been on this spinning rock for more than three decades, and yet, I gotta say, it feels like my family's cared about me as much as a piece of chewing gum stuck under a desk. how messed up is that? from day one, it's like I've been the appendix of the family system—there, but not really necessary. like, what the heck!!! nobody asked them to go all out with dramatic acts of caring, but a nod of acknowledgment would have been nice. it's like my existence is the background noise of their lives, something they don't give a crap about. ever get that feeling? the one where you're the forgotten file on your family’s hard drive? sure, they threw some money at me, a roof over my head, but does that exempt them from showing actual, you know, human feelings???

since I was a kid, it always felt like i was another chore on their to-do list. like seriously, half the time I was just the notification they forgot to check. today, it's still the same, except now I'm handling my own bandwidth while they go off with their multiple subnets of life. zero emotional downloads from them while I over here am like: "Hey, remember me? The one who lived under your roof for 18 years???" when did I turn invisible? is there an off switch on their emotional router that I'm just entirely unaware of? imagine a tech support call with your family, where you try to troubleshoot their absence in your life, only to realize that nobody ever picked up the phone. they might as well have left me on hold forever. the usual excuse I get is that they were "busy with their own lives." sure, as if remembering your kid's name requires huge server resources. maybe immortality is in their plans, and they're banking on finding time to care later. what a joke!

it ain't like I expect a constant ping of attention, or to be the main node in their life network. just a simple response or, i don't know, acknowledgment that I'm part of the family configuration would be sufficient. instead, all I get is static whenever I try to connect. it's frustrating as hell, you know??? nobody sticks around to check my emotional cache, so it keeps overflowing. you ever have that? when your supposed support system feels more like an outdated OS? it's not like I'm requesting a full system upgrade; just a patch to fix the bugs would be nice. and before you say it, I'm aware self-care is important and all that jazz, but is it so wrong to want a family's firewall to occasionally let some love packets through??? being stuck in an emotional DDOS attack from neglect gets exhausting. don't misunderstand, I've got friends who care, and thank heavens for that, but should my emotional safety net not come from the family who installed my core programming??? it's all so ridiculous sometimes, but what can you do? just keep running scripts to stay functional, I guess.

idk if im gay or bi or straight or just confused. like i see this one boy in my school and he smile at me and my brain went all like fuzzy?? not like when i look at girls sometimes idk it just feel different. not better or worse just weird. i dont like hate myself or nothing but i feel like i wanna know what this is. i try look at girls the same way but it not same feeling even tho i still think they look pretty. my friends always talk about girls like oh she's hot or whatever and i laugh along but i feel kinda fake. like why i dont feel that strong? but then again maybe i do just not same time or same way. my brain go all confuse when i try think hard. i seen some gay stuff online too and some of it make me feel things, like not bad things just kinda like oh that’s nice, and i dont know if that mean something or if it just a normal thing like people curious. i read that some people just need time to figure and that you not gonna have all answers at once so maybe that’s me too;

i talk to my cousin once, he gay and he said it took him years to know. he said don’t rush and just feel what you feel, don’t push it away but don’t force nothing either. he nice and i trust him but still i scared to even say to friends or anything. they not bad people just always making jokes like calling stuff gay like it’s dumb or weak or something and that make me not wanna say stuff even if i maybe gay. i don’t feel ashamed or like i’m doing wrong but i also don’t wanna be laughed at or treated weird. i think about future too and if i wanna have a boyfriend or girlfriend and it feel like both could maybe happen?? but also neither maybe?? is that even a thing? like not choosing or just feeling okay with both and letting it go where it go. i wish school teach this stuff better instead of just making us read poems from old dead guys. we got feelings too and not everyone feel same and that okay. sometimes i just wanna talk and say all this out loud but my throat close up like i scared of my own voice.

i still don’t have answer. maybe i never will get a big moment where i’m like “oh now i know”. maybe it gonna be little stuff adding up and one day i’ll just feel okay with whatever i am. for now i think it's fine to wonder and not know for sure. maybe you reading this feel same and that okay too. i’m just trying my best to be honest with myself and not hate anything i feel. i wanna like who i like and be okay with that. life already hard enough without me hating my own heart. so i gonna keep thinking and living and hoping that things get clearer. and maybe one day i’ll smile at someone and they smile back and it just make sense. 😊

ive realized that i actually had symptoms of adhd. all of these years including in elementary school i thought that i was just actually bad at learning and actually being a good student and now i guess not. im so bad at saying my feelings and reasoning, i feel like im just standing in a one singular block in a void. im so embarassed everytime i communicate with someone thinking i said something wrong, my decisions are so foolish, and to the main issue is my life where im so fucking miserable to the point that i have no friends that i can trust including, doubts about people, and lusting over friends that i love the most. LUSTING OVER THE FRIENDS THAT I LOVE THE MOST AND ACTUALLY CARES TO JUST GIVE ME ATTENTION ALL THE TIME. im so fucking disguisting and a disgrace holy shit. i just cant keep going on a life like this.

have you ever noticed how relationships can sometimes blur our vision, much like a mismatched pair of glasses? in the complex realm of love, it's reminiscent of the way a barista perfectly layers a latte; intricate, delicate, and sometimes opaque. while navigating my own love life recently, i found myself caught in a whirlwind that left me questioning everything about how i perceive affection. it's as if i was sipping from a cup labeled, "love is blind," unsure of the concoction's true flavor, yet unable to put it down due to its addictive comfort.

it all began when i met someone who seemed to check all my proverbial boxes. initial interactions were like the perfect brewing process—controlled, predictable, and producing a seemingly flawless result. yet, as time unfolded, i discovered that love, much like coffee, could have undertones hidden beneath surface sweetness. our partnership evolved, teeming with the robust aroma of companionship and understanding, yet it simultaneously harbored a bitter aftertaste of misunderstandings and unmet expectations. was it just me, or do such intricacies define all relationships, subtly reminding us of the inherent unpredictability in love's recipe?

what perplexed me most was the realization that we were both viewing our union through our own distinctive lenses; this divergence was not inherently detrimental, but it introduced a dynamic of occasional blurred perceptions. for instance, our discussions on future aspirations sometimes felt like interpreting a piece of modern art; each of us saw it differently, unable to decipher which perspective was more authentic or perhaps they were both justifiable. isn't it fascinating how two people can be bound together by love, yet interpret their shared journey in uniquely independent ways, leaving one to wonder if the true essence of a relationship can ever be fully defined?

in retrospect, maybe love is meant to be a blend of contrasting notes; like a symphony of espresso shots mingling with milk, creating an experience that demands an open mind and tolerance. perhaps it isn't about seeking a perfectly balanced cup, but rather appreciating the complexity that comes with each sip. after all, each relationship is uniquely brewed, presenting its own version of 'love is blind cups,' leading us into exploring relationships not with absolute clarity but with curiosity and acceptance. might this be the secret ingredient to enduring love, embracing imperfection with an appreciation for its distinct flavor?

yo, i'm here for the first time here... and I have a question: why does it feel like nobody likes me?? like seriously, what's wrong with me? i'm 17 and it's freaking impossible to find people who actually want to be around me. in school, i'm just sitting there, invisible, while all these cliques and groups are laughing and having fun. i try to join, but they just look at me like i have three heads. it's not like i'm an alien or something! why is it so hard to just have someone like me for once??

so i thought, maybe school isn't for me, maybe i can find people outside of there, you know?? so i joined some sports clubs and tried to get involved. figured maybe the people there would appreciate my effort. guess what?! same damn story!!! doesn't matter if it's soccer, basketball, chess, whatever, it's like i'm cursed or something. like, what the hell am i doing wrong?? do i smell or something?!? it's like no matter where i go, i'm always the outsider. 🤦‍♂️

i keep thinking, maybe it’s my personality… but seriously, is it?!? like, I think I'm a decent person, ya know? it's not like i'm some jerk or always complaining (even though i am right now), but really... i just wanna understand why people can't seem to like me. and don’t even get me started on social media! people only like my stuff just 'cause they feel bad for me, i swear!!! it's like pity likes or something... maybe it's just better to be alone than fake liked, right?

how can people be so damn picky? are they looking for some perfect friend?? well guess what, i'm not perfect, okay! no one is. sometimes, i think that everyone’s just wearing these masks, pretending to be something they’re not, just to fit in. but maybe that's really what it takes... maybe i should just pretend to be someone i'm not to get people to like me??? sounds dumb, right??? but then again, isn't that what everyone else is doing too?!

anyways, i'm just tired of trying, you know?? i'm tired of giving my 100% and still coming up short. maybe it's just me after all… or maybe it's them. who knows?? all i know is i'm done bending over backwards for people who clearly don't appreciate it. feels like i'm just stuck in this never-ending loop of feeling unwanted. 😒 like, why don't people like me... ever??? is there something wrong with me or is the world just messed up?? ugh, questioning everything is exhausting... does anyone else feel this way too??