Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 2

Our career day is tomorrow. Evb already knows what they want. They have their future planned out, see themselves in their better version. I don’t know what I want. I feel so left behind. My passions doesn’t do well financially. They’ll only tell me the choose the better option. I don’t even see myself past where I am now. I only see one solution. To anyone who’ll ever read this, please don’t feel bad for me. I just need someone to hear what I’m going through ❤️‍🩹

I keep circling the same stupid question at 2 a.m.: am I pansexual, or am I just bored and confused? I’ve dated guys. I’ve hooked up with a girl once. I’ve had a crush on a nonbinary friend and felt zero need to label it. I didn’t care what they had in their pants. I cared that they were funny and smelled good and made me feel seen. That sounds “pan,” right? But then I hear people say, “Don’t rush to label yourself,” and I roll my eyes. Easy for you to say. You’re not the one staring at your phone wondering why your algorithm is half thirst traps of men and half soft masc lesbians. 🙃 I grew up hearing “you’re either straight or gay,” and anything else was “a phase.” So now I’m stuck interrogating myself like I’m on trial. Am I just attention-seeking? Am I trying to be special? Or am I finally admitting what’s been obvious since high school when I said, “I don’t care about gender, I just like people,” and everyone laughed?

Here’s the thing. I don’t feel a preference most of the time. Attraction just happens. A coworker smiles. A barista flirts. A friend touches my arm and suddenly my brain short-circuits. Gender feels secondary. But then I overthink it. Because sometimes I do lean toward men. Sometimes I fantasize about women more. And sometimes I just want whoever treats me like a human being and not a project. Does that inconsistency cancel the label? Or is that literally what being pan means? I’ve read definitions. “Attraction regardless of gender.” Okay. Cool. That fits. But then someone says, “Pansexuality is just bisexuality with a new name,” and suddenly I’m spiraling. I don’t want to disrespect anyone. I don’t want to invade a space that isn’t mine. I also don’t want to lie to myself. I remember sitting on my friend’s couch last year, drunk, saying, “I think I could date anyone if the vibe is right.” They shrugged and said, “That sounds pretty pan to me.” I laughed it off. But it stuck. I think about the girl I kissed at a party. It wasn’t for male attention. There were no guys around. It was just heat and curiosity and real desire. I think about the nonbinary person I almost dated. I didn’t once question their identity. I just wanted them. Isn’t that the point? Or am I just overcomplicating something that could be simple? Tell me honestly, if you’ve felt this too, did you ever get a clear answer? Or did you just wake up one day and say, “Screw it, this is who I am”?

I’m tired of policing my own thoughts. I’m tired of thinking I need a committee to approve my feelings. I’m definately attracted to people beyond just one gender. That’s real. That’s not a trend. I’ve tried ignoring it. I’ve tried saying “I’m straight, mostly.” That felt like lying. I’ve tried saying “maybe bi?” That felt close but not exact. Pan feels right in my mouth. It feels honest. But I’m scared of being wrong. Scared someone will say, “You’re not queer enough.” Scared someone else will say, “You’re just confused.” Both sides can be brutal. And yeah, sometimes I get defensive. Because why does anyone else get to decide what my attraction means? Why is it such a big damn deal? If I like a person, I like them. Period. I don’t check their gender like it’s a box on a form. But I also don’t want to slap on a label just because it sounds progressive. I want it to be true. I guess that’s where I’m at. Not seeking validation, but also kind of seeking it. Not confused about who I’m attracted to, but confused about what to call it. So I’ll ask you straight up: if you don’t prioritize gender in attraction, if you’ve fallen for different genders without it feeling like a category shift, what would you call yourself? And why does it feel like such a huge thing to admit out loud? Maybe the answer is simple and I’m being dramatic. Or maybe this is just part of figuring myself out. Either way, I’m done pretending the question isn’t there. It is. And it’s loud. 😐

So yeah my college decided to “improve student health” and now they’ve basically declared war on snacks and I swear I am losing my mind over it, like who even asked for this, because last year I could grab cheesy chips and those little chocolate bars between classes and life felt normal but now everything is baked, gluten free, sugar free, taste free, joy free, and I stand in front of the vending machine like it personally betrayed me. They took away the spicy noodles from the campus store and replaced them with plain rice cakes and unsalted nuts and I just stare at the shelf thinking this has to be a joke, because who snacks on dry almonds when you have a 3 hour lecture right after. And don’t even get me started on the cafeteria lady telling me the brownies are now made with beans, like I’m sorry but why are beans in dessert, is this prison. I tried to be open minded, I really did, I bought the “healthy cookie” and it tasted like sweet cardboard and sadness, and I actually miss the greasy pizza slices which is wild because I used to complain about those too. They even put limits on how many snacks you can buy in a day, like we are children or something, and now I just stare at carrots; I never thought I would be this dramatic about food but here we are. Do you guys have this at your college too or is mine just on some weird mission to turn us into fitness models. The worst part is when I’m studying late and my brain is tired and all I want is something crunchy and salty and fun and instead I’ve got air popped whatever that tastes like nothing, and I feel silly for caring but snacks are like tiny pieces of happiness during stressful days, you know? I remember last semester during finals I survived on chips and chocolate and somehow passed everything, and now I’m supposed to survive on trail mix that’s mostly raisins, which I do not trust. But okay, maybe I’m being extra, maybe they think they’re helping us and maybe my body does not actually need neon orange dust on my fingers every day. I started bringing my own stuff from home, like sneaking in the good cookies my mom makes and sharing them with my friends and it actually feels kind of funny and rebellious and cute 🙂 and we laugh about it instead of just being mad. And I guess I’ve been trying new things too, like adding hot sauce to the bland wraps and mixing the boring nuts with chocolate I buy off campus, and it’s not the same but it’s something. I still miss my old snacks, I really do, but maybe I’ll figure out a way to survive this snack apocalypse and come out stronger or at least less hungry, and who knows maybe one day I’ll even like those stupid rice cakes, probably not, but maybe.

Ever feel like nobody cares about you, especially those who should? Well, welcome to my world. I'm 32, and you know what, I can't say I've had the best mother-daughter relationship. It's like she was born with a manual on how to wreck my self-esteem 😒. She's the epitome of a narcissistic sociopath, and believe it or not, no one wants to be around her. Seriously, try having a mom who thinks the sun rises and sets according to her whims. 🙄 It's infuriating, but I've learned so much from being around someone so self-absorbed. At the end of the day, family's important, but just because someone gives you life doesn’t mean they know how to treat you right. Ya feel me?

I've got a solid degree of patience, but my mom tests it daily. I swear, her tactics are like something out of a psychology textbook, minus the therapy. It's a wild ride because she’ll talk over you, belittle you, and if you dare stand up for yourself, you're the devil incarnate. My family just rolls their eyes at her now, like some kind of unspoken agreement that she's just too much to handle. 😂 It’s like we all know she won't change, but we have each other and a shared understanding that our worth isn’t defined by her nonsense. There's something empowering about knowing that even with all this chaos, I'm able to stand tall and find happiness outside her toxic shadow. Things aren't perfect, but so what? Sometimes life is about making the best with the cards you're dealt, right?

She has this uncanny ability to turn any situation into a dramatic exhibition starring, guess who? Her, of course. 🎭 It's like, 'Hey mom, could you maybe acknowledge someone else's feelings for a change?' But, nah, that's never gonna happen. You know how when people start to say something like, "But she's still your mom," my eyes just glaze over. Why should anyone have to tolerate that crap just because of a biological connection? She's a grown woman who should know better, yet here we are. You can't control other people's actions, but you definitely have a say in how you respond to them. I've learned to tune out the negativity and focus on what makes me happy because, in the end, that's what truly matters. Seriously, who's really got time for that level of drama?

Despite everything, and maybe even because of it, I’ve developed this thick skin. Life isn’t a fairy tale, and people can suck sometimes, but I refuse to let my mom’s reckless, self-serving antics dictate how I feel about myself. 🌟 I've made some personal breakthroughs, learned to set boundaries, and now, instead of feeling like nobody cares about me, I've found this incredible support network of friends who genuinely have my back. Sure, it's not the family I was born into, but it’s the one I’ve chosen and trust. It's like discovering a treasure after digging through a mountain of nonsense and constant disapproval. Maybe you have your own mountain to dig through, too. But trust me, there's always a way to craft your own happiness and live life beyond the boundaries set by people who can't see past their own reflection. Do you really want to let someone else’s messed-up vision define who you are? Nah, you got this. Keep pushing, and always bet on yourself. 💪

I yearn for ppl but i ruin everything unknowingly myself. everyone leaves me. atp idon deserve anyone, i ruin everything. I'm a literal baggage to everyone around me. i should just stop expecting anything coz I'm gonna sabotage myself. I'm a total brainfuck.

(read this first https://iiwiars.com/school/try-to-change-me-loser-bastards)

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I won't change too much size if I cosplay Joseph, right? And my parents won't get mad and not let me go to MEFCC if I score low or not pass, right? I just want a break from school, and when I messaged mom, "I have been more motivated to sleep, draw, eat food and walk listening to music than this.😑" She messaged, "Don’t we all want that 😂🤪" while laughing when I called her. Like, mom even told me she was a topper, she wanted to do well all the time, it was high pressure stakes, mom didn't wanna score 80% because that was her low, and she told me that "There are other jobs which require you to not be good at math" when I asked her why she doesn't hold me at high standards. I asked mom why the kids score the specific decimal scores in those India topper boards, and mom agreed when I asked if they do this for extra competition, kinda like, "Yes" and didn't say much.

I know kids who failed in school become great, but I think I'm not one of them. I'm no Einstein, or Mark Zuckerberg, or Bill Gates, or any great person who flopped school and made it big. I'm just me, just a loser in school. I'm not even gonna secure a job. When mom said when she got her first salary in a telecommunications, she spent it on gifts for her mom, her brother, her young cousins at the time, and for herself she got a reservation in a posh restaurant in India. And I was like, "Why would you do that?! Don't tell me to do that, I'll be minimum wage!" And mom was like, "No way", but I love my first salary money, especially if I'm gonna work in McDonald's like every other normal kid. Or scrubbing floors as a janitor. Or maid-work, or babysitting with minimum wage. Every kid who struggles like me ends up working the jobs where everyone spits at them, all under the guise of "Honest Work" when we deserve better, more money for keeping every fat white guy sane. My family may give me chances, but I don't deserve them. I don't. My parents may not have started like every American kid's parents, they had jobs in engineering and went to different parts of world (mom worked in USA and dad in Switzerland for a few months) and Bangalore for a while, but nope, not me. If it's possible, it could happen! McDonald's job is possible, it could happen. I know I'm more skilled than that, but so are the artists who work there till they're 50 as managers. Instagram jokes about piano majors working as floor-scrubbers because their larger hands clean more surface area.

THAT'S ALL LIFE FUCKING IS! JUST YOU THINKING YOU'RE AMAZING UNTIL YOU FUCKING AREN'T, BLOODY CUNTS. I WANNA BEAT MYSELF SO MUCH I PASS OUT BLOODY ON THE FLOOR I'M THAT WORTHLESS! THAT'S ALL WHAT HAPPENS TO ARTISTS, JUST WIPING AWAY WINDOW PANES AND SERVING PEOPLE FOOD! TELL ME MINIMUM WAGE WORKERS, HOW OLD ARE YOUR MANAGERS, I BET THEY'RE 50 AND WHAT I EXPLAINED! I'M WORTHLESS! WHY CAN'T MY CUNT-BRAINED PARENTS GET THIS IN THEIR FUCKING SKULLS!?

i don’t really know why i’m writing this but whatever. i’m a guy and school sucks and i suck in it too. evry day i wake up and my body is just there, like heavy and annoying, and i already know what’s coming. i look fat. i look ugly. i know people say looks don’t matter but they do, becuase in school they do. i put on clothes that don’t even feel right and i still feel gross. when i walk to school i keep thinking maybe today nobody will say anything. that never happens. it’s stupid i even hope. do you ever hope for something you already know won’t happen, just because you’re tired?

at school everyone acts like they’re comedians and i’m the joke. they don’t even whisper it, they just say it. fat. ugly. big guy. some kid called me “before picture” once and people laughed like it was the smartest thing ever said. i just stood there like an idiot. in class people stare at my stomach when i sit down, like it’s some science project. a girl told her friend i look like i smell bad. i don’t even smell bad. teachers hear stuff and just keep teaching like nothing happened, which is honestly worse. i feel like i’m not even a person there, just something to point at. why is it so easy for thier mouths to run?

i try to pretend i don’t care, like yeah sure whatever, but i care a lot. i stopped talking unless i have to. i stopped answering questions. i sit in the back and hope nobody notices when i breathe. gym class is hell. i make excuses not to change because i don’t want people seeing my body, even for two seconds. once someone slapped my stomach and laughed and said it jiggles. i wanted to disappear. i think about that a lot actually. i think about everything a lot. my brain doesn’t shut up. do you also replay dumb moments in your head forever or is that just me being wierd?

sometimes i tell myself i’ll lose weight and everything will be fixed, like it’s a video game or something. but then i see thinner guys still getting messed with and i think maybe it’s just my face, or my vibe, or my existence. i eat when i feel bad, then i feel worse because i ate, which is really smart, i know. people joke about me eating all the time even when i’m not eating. i could be drinking water and someone will say “of course you are.” it doesn’t even have to make sense. somtimes i start thinking maybe i deserve it, which is messed up but my brain goes there anyway. you ever start believing the stuff people say even when you know it’s cruel?

i don’t know how this ends. i don’t think there’s a big lesson here. i just feel tired and heavy and embarrassed all the time. i wonder if people will ever forget me or if i’ll just be “that fat ugly guy” forever in their memories. i wonder if i’ll ever look at myself and not immediately feel bad. maybe some of you reading this were like the people making jokes. maybe you didn’t mean it. maybe you forgot about it five minutes later. i didn’t. i still don’t. does it ever actually get better or do you just stop expecting it to?

I’m 16, a boy, and I’m writing this because I don’t know where else to put it. My parents are ALWAYS yelling at me, like all the time, and it feels nonstop even when I’m doing nothing wrong. I try to stay polite and calm, I really do, but it still gets loud fast and my head just shuts down. I stand there listening, nodding, waiting for it to end, and I dont even remember half of what they say after. It makes me feel completly worn out, like I’m already tired before the day even starts. I’m not trying to be dramatic or blame them, I’m just explaining what happens. The yelling isn’t one big moment, it’s small stuff adding up, over and over, until it feels heavy. I go to my room after and sit there staring at the wall, feeling depressed and quiet, wondering how something so normal can hurt this much. I keep telling myself to breathe, to be respectful, to not react, becuase reacting only makes it worse and longer. I know they probably think this is helping me, and I try to look at it objectively, but it still sinks into me slowly;

I don’t think my life is terrible, and that’s part of what makes this confusing. From the outside everything looks fine, and maybe it is, but inside I feel tense all the time. The yelling follows me even when the house is quiet, and it makes me doubt myself alot. I do my school work, I clean, I listen, and I stay out of trouble, yet the volume never really changes. I’ve learned to measure my days by how loud they get instead of how good they feel, and that feels sad to admit. Still, I’m trying to stay hopeful in a low key way. I take short walks, think about the future, and remind myself that this won’t last forever. I believe that having my own space one day will matter, and that I can choose to be calmer than what I grew up with. There are moments when my parents talk normally, and those moments show me that change exists, even if it’s rare. I try to stay polite, stay neutral, and not let thier voices become my inner voice. If you’ve dealt with parents yelling like this, how did you get through it without losing yourself? I’m honestly asking, not for attention, but for perspective. Even feeling depressed, I still think patience and consistency can lead to something better, and I want to believe that staying respectful now will help me later, when things are quieter and I can finally breathe.

so, I'm a 21-year-old guy at uni, right? and I already know I'm gay. I've figured that part out. but here's the thing: I can't really tell if other people are gay too. like, is there a secret sign or something I'm missing? I mean, people throw around stereotypes, and sure, they might give a hint sometimes, but it's not really reliable, you know? some dudes dress really nicely and take care of themselves, but that doesn't always mean they're gay. and then there's the whole voice thing. people say if a guy has a certain kind of voice, it might mean he's gay, but I've heard all kinds of voices, and it's just confusing, man. people are all different, and you can't put them in boxes just like that.

being at uni doesn't make it easier, though. I mean, everyone is like, super diverse and from all places, so there's this melting pot of cultures and personalities. it's like, you walk into a lecture, and there's a rainbow of identities, but at the same time, it gets difficult to just ask someone point-blank if they're gay. it's like an unspoken rule or something, to not just start a conversation with, "hey, are you gay?" unless you're in a setting where that's a normal question to ask; but mostly, it's kinda awkward. and let's face it, people might get the wrong idea or get offended, and that's not cool. so, it's more about picking up small clues and stuff, but how do you even figure those out when everyone's just doing their own thing?

if you've ever thought about this, you're probably wondering the same stuff. like, do you wait for them to say something, or do you drop hints yourself and see how they respond? I guess part of it is just being open to conversations and respecting boundaries. it's about being chill and not jumping to conclusions based on first impressions. maybe it's just better to let people reveal themselves at their own pace. have you ever noticed when someone casually mentions a partner and doesn't specify a gender? that might be a soft clue, but again, who knows? at the end of the day, everyone will just reveal what they want when they're comfortable, and it's all good.

i am a girl with a problem that feels basic and annoying, and i hate how predictable it makes me look. i have a biiiig crush on my best friend, the kind that leaks into every interaction like a system failure you can’t debug. we talk every day, share meals, share silence, share the boring logistics of life, and my brain keeps running a risk assessment that always ends in the same useless conclusion. i monitor my tone, manage boundaries, and pretend this is just normal friendship maintenance, when really it is emotional labor i never agreed to. the attachment feels asymmetrical, like i am over-invested in an asset with zero guarantees, and i am aware of it in a cold, technical way. i can label the feeling, map the triggers, and still not shut it down. i hate that i replay conversations for signal-to-noise ratio, searching for proof that i am not delusional. i hate that i am this careful, becuase careful people don’t fall this hard, or so i thought.

the worst part is that nothing is actually wrong, which makes it harder to justify my irritation. she is kind, consistent, and emotionally literate, which somehow makes the situation worse. there is no villain, just me quietly failing at self regulation. sometimes i catch myself acting like a product manager of my own feelings, prioritizing features like closeness while postponing the obvious bug fix. i keep thinking i can optimize my behavior, that if i tweak the inputs i will get a different output, but that is not how humans work. i know the standard advice about communication and honesty, and i know the potential fallout, and my brain runs through the scenarios like a compliance checklist. i don’t want to contaminate the friendship pipeline, but i also don’t want to keep investing in something that is draining my bandwidth. i feel stupid for wanting more, and i feel rude for resenting her for not magically knowing, which is unfair and definately on me.

so here i am, venting like this is a controlled environment instead of a mess. i keep things factual, almost clinical, to avoid admitting how much it hurts. i don’t romanticize it, i don’t write poems, i just log the data and feel tired. part of me wants to disclose and accept the consequences, part of me wants to de-escalate and reclaim my autonomy, and both options look bad on paper. i wonder if this is just an attachment style issue or if i am ignoring a clear internal warning. i don’t know how long i can keep pretending that my best friend is not the central variable in my emotional equation, and i am starting to feel a little bitter about it 😐. have you ever stayed silent in a friendship like this and called it maturity, when maybe it was just fear and alot of avoidance dressed up as logic?

High school is supposed to be the best years of your life, right? Well, not for me. I'm 17 and if there's one thing I've figured out so far, it's that I really don't like people..... I'm not even trying to be rude or anything, it's just a simple observation!!

It's like, everywhere I turn, there's someone doing stuff that just gets on my nerves. Take school, for example... ugh, don't even get me started. It's like a never-ending drama scene. Cliques everywhere, people pretending to be someone they're not, gossip flying around like confetti at a parade. How can anyone enjoy being around that? Like, really. And don't get me started on the teachers!!! They're supposed to be guiding us, but half the time, it seems like they don't even care. I feel like I'm just another number to them, rather than a real person with real thoughts and feelings. Then there's my family. They mean well, I guess, but it always feels like they just don't understand me or want to understand me. Like, I'm just there, the moody teenager who's around but not really involved; know what I mean? My parents ask me the same questions every day; "How was school?" "Do you have homework?" It's the same ol' routine and it feels like we're just going through the motions. My siblings are younger, and while they're okay sometimes, other times they're just annoying. They don't mean to be, I know, but still. Living with other people is tough, you get me? And then there are the neighbors, those people who live near you but you barely know them.

Our neighborhood is filled with all types of characters, and honestly, they're mostly just noisy and nosy and always trying to know too much about our business. It's like they have nothing better to do than watch other people's lives unfold! It's kinda creepy if you ask me. My friend's parents are the worst, though. It's like they're constantly judging, comparing, and acting all high and mighty. And I can't get away from them because they're always around when I go over to hang out with my friend. It makes me wonder if adults ever stop and really think, like, why are they so extra all the time?! I feel stuck sometimes because it feels like nobody gets it or wants to get it. Like, I'm trapped in this world full of people just doing things that bug me... where's the escape button on life, right? And I know that sounds dramatic, but man, that's just how I feel. Maybe it's just me being young and thinking I know everything, but it honestly feels like everyone around me is just in their own world, and I'm just trying to find mine. I mean, does anyone else feel like that? It sometimes gets me to question if there's something wrong with me, like, am I the odd one out because I'm not fitting into this chaos. I'd rather be alone most of the time because at least when I'm by myself, I can think straight. Some people like to say that you only grow up and realize high school wasn't as bad as it seemed, but is that really true??? Can't say I'm buying that just yet. They say you'll find your people eventually, that you'll connect with someone who just gets you. But I'm like, when? Because so far, that's not been my experience. Don't get me wrong, I have friends, but even with them, sometimes it feels like I'm just going through the motions. Do you ever feel like you're just playing a role you're not even sure you like? It's all so tiring.

Social media doesn't help either; it's just another platform for people to play their games and put on their masks. I don’t know, maybe I just need to find a different perspective, or perhaps it's just the people near me that make me feel this way, who knows? It's a small world in my head, but the real world feels way too big and complex sometimes. So here I am, venting about how I just don't like people. It's not all people, but a lot of people, and it's not all the time, but it sure feels like it most of the time. Does that make sense? It's hard being 17 and feeling like you're just wandering through the maze of life with no real direction. Maybe one day, it'll all click, and I won't feel like an alien in my own skin, but until then, I guess I'll just have to navigate this craziness in my own way. Can anyone relate to how confusing it is trying to understand not just everyone else, but yourself too?! It's like one big mathematical equation that just doesn't add up. Here's hoping that maybe, just maybe, high school is the problem and not me. Or is it hopeful thinking? Who knows...

I wanted to put some money in my bank account because I had a phone bill due and my bank account was getting low my job is biweekly pay anyway I asked my grandma if she wanted to go with me which then turned into her questioning me on what I spent the money on ect questions along those lines and she also grounded me from my debit card. Im nearing 25 in october and I did buy some games with my own money which is why my bank account was low but my brother is allowed to buy whatever and get away with it so I thought I would be up front and honest only to be sent into a lecture over how Im a grown women and I dont need stupid things. Im not sure if Im in the wrong for being mad and wanting freedom or if my grandmother is right.

What's a great advice to keep in touch with your long distance friends?

I'm travelling tomorrow for a while and I wanna know what's a good advice to enjoy the experience to the fullest. I don't like too much the concept of being a "tourist" so I'm looking for new and meaningful experiences for my life

in the span of the past 2 days im in the same spot as two weeks ago

and my arms r coverd agian and everything thing is falling apart agian and i was dumb enough to think i was getting better