Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 2

i have a best friend. She's been my best friend for the longest time after all my friends stopped being friends with me around some year in middle school, if i'm not wrong.

i've felt her love all this years—as a friend, of course. i felt so close to her, almost as if we were siblings. i always felt comfortable around her and just did whatever i want because i felt like she accepted me however i was.

Thing is, after all this long, long years, where things have changed drastically and we're definitely not as close as we used to be....................... i think i like her.

That shouldn't be a problem. Friends tend to fall in love with their friends and that's how they end up marrying and having a family and blah blah blah. It's normal and it should be.

*Should* be, because it's not normal.

We're both girls. And that...... kind of terrifies me.

i have nothing against homosexuals. i love y'all people, would never see a bit of hate from me towards you or anyone else. It's just—

Yeah, i have a faith. And *this*?

This kind of f*cks up everything.

i've dealt with this feeling for *a while* now. Tried to suppress them, tried to understand them, tried to forget about it.......

Nothing works.

It just feels so wrong however i look at it.

i don't like her in a way i can imagine or daydream about us being in a relationship and having a future together—no, i just-- i just want her to be by my side. To be together. As just friends, or a bit something else, in some sense(?). That she does love me back. That it would be mutual. That, even if she has lots more of friends aside from me, at the end of the day she still comes back to hug me and tell me she loves me.

i have never talked to her about this because— first of all, i'm shy, even with her. i've changed and i don't feel as close as we were back then. Just saying all of this here is embarrassing enough, because it feels like admitting something huge and making it *real*—it's scary. i'm doing this only because i'm desperate to let it out and it's anonymous. And, second— HOW THE HELL DO I GO AND TELL HER "hey, i think i like you. Not sure tho but what'd you think"?!! i wouldn't go and say it that way, but in ANY way i say it, i feel like i'm going to ruin a friendship i've taken years on to build, after being left by many and become isolated.

Look, maybe i'm just overly attached to her because she's literally my only friend left (and i feel like this is going to break any time) or idk i'm going through a phase or something. Or maybe i just admire her or something and i'm mistaking it for romantic love??

But every time i look at her—bathed in sunshine, beneath moonlight; under blue skies or a sunset of hues. Even sweating overwhelmed by summer heat or soaked in cold winter rain. She just shines. She's beautiful. She's so damn pretty it hurts. Her smile is something i want for only me. i'm guilty of feeling a little possessive in that way. But especially in the way she speaks—her voice, her words, her gestures. How she feels and how she shows it; in the way she does mundane chores or a complex project of any kind, of anything she's interested in.

i just......... Feel short of words.

i feel so in love that it truly hurts—because i like her, so much, and she seems unreachable... And even if she was at my very reach... It feels incredibly wrong.

i'm scared of ever saying something even slightly related to my feelings to her, because anything and everything feels exposing, from what i do and what i don't.

i just feel so stupid......

Being in love is difficult, i hadn't been in forever... i hate it... But i also lover her so much it kind of numbs the hate... But then i hate to admit it... Damn it...

Also, do i have to actually put that question it tells me to put at the end...?

Umm so today and the day before yesterday i had dreams with something in common with them i had panic attacks out of nowhere in my dream i struggle to breath for 20 to 30 sec and then when i calmed down everyone in that dream looked worried like in the 1st dream my friends which i don't like asked me to show them my diary and my bestie too but then i didn't wanna show it to them and i had a panic attack . In yesterdays dream i was crossing the road and i heard some clicks like someone taking pictures of me then i went to them asked them to show the picture and they weren't taking pics of me i was just in the way and then i had a panic attack like wtf?

[Translated from Portuguese. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]

Hi guys. Well… to start, I am (m). I prefer not say my age but I am very young. What I want to say, and also ask for advice, is about something that is bothering me a lot in the last months. Since February actually.

Like I was saying, I am a boy, I really like rock music in general. My favorite band is Linkin Park. I am learning keyboard for about one year. I have actually some talent for music in general. Since I was little I was always good with it. Because of that, some time ago I made a band with some friends. I am the vocalist and keyboard player. We never really did anything. But the band exists.

This was just a superficial presentation of me. Nothing very important.

But the real question is that, like I said, in the last times I am having kind of bad thoughts. Things like being unmotivated with life, having to see other people becoming better than me and also having to hear words of less value against me. This is routine. My parents always raised me to be the best in everything I do. And in some way this is right. I also always wanted to be the best. And this is not an egoist thought. If there are people better than me, ok. I really don’t care. But I have to stay quiet and hear many things my parents say that end up hurting me. They don’t say it with bad intention. I know that. They love me and want my good. But I always feel inferior to everyone. Sometimes I hear things from my parents like: “are you dumb?” or “you always make the same mistake”. Things like that. I ended accepting a reality that I am useless. If I disappeared, maybe others would be happier.

This is not just a teenager nonsense talk (I know, every teenager would say that). But I really need advice or help. Because if I really am a burden or just useless, there is no reason for me to continue existing and disturbing others. I always manage to make my parents sad or angry. Even without wanting and trying to improve. I love them a lot and I admire the patience they have with me (it’s not little).

Another thing that affects me is the feeling of emptiness that I feel all the time. Things that made me happy before or that I liked to do became just… common things. I don’t feel pleasure doing anything I liked. Playing videogames, playing instruments like before. And listening to some Linkin Park songs, I realize a bit of what I am talking about. In parts like: “In the end, it doesn’t even matter” from the song In the End. Or “who cares if one more light goes out, in the sky of a million stars”, from the song One More Light.

I feel that even living, being successful, working with something I like, getting married and being happy, even then I will not be complete. Because everything is very temporary. One day everything will end and… then? All of this was for nothing? I lived for nothing?

I simply lost the will to live. It doesn’t make me happy anymore to think about tomorrow. About what I will do.

I am kind of giving up. Because living until 70, or 80 with this disgust of myself. This daily self-deprecation that torments me. I can’t take supporting this alone anymore. And I don’t have anyone to talk to. I don’t want to be labeled as weak. Or things like that. I wanted someone that really understands me and doesn’t say: “ah but this is age. Soon it passes.”

My conclusion about life is this. Something that I don’t know why or for what it exists.

Sorry for possible bad orthography and for the text being kind of confusing and tiring. But I would appreciate anyone who could read this vent and try to give me advice.

Sorry too if I marked the wrong tag. I am new here in the community.

But anyway, thank you everyone.

Ok so just now i found out that my sister has been self harming with blades and cutting herself not on the veins but on her hand where she won't bleed out to death and i was really shocked because i knew about it before and i didn't take it as serious because she was going through breakup and all and i didn't knew that she was continuously harming herself and i teared up because she is only 15 she shouldn't hae to go through this. Now i am the only one who knows and it hurts so bad i am crying rn literally as i write this . I don't know i asked her why would she do this she said 'my dad won't talk to me properly' and somr thing the thing is if i tell anyone else idk how they will react and talk about trusted adults there are none they would either scold her or do something to her only. I seriously don't know what to do and i cannot tell this to anyone i just told her if she wants to self harm next time pls call me so that i can prevent it . It is really messed up , our family does not believe in therapy and if i tell any adult they would just judge her and say mean things something like that .

I love my best friend. He's kind, sweet, amazing, and he listens and understands me so well. But I can't have him... I can't express any love besides platonic love for him cause he knows I have a bf and is friends with him. (my bf is cool if I date or like other people in our relationship.) I'm in love with my best friend, he treats me well, treats me nicely, and gosh, he's so cute. I don't know what to do, I love this boy with all my heart and we've known each other for years now. I want to tell him how I feel just so he can just reject me and I get over it more easily, but I don't want to ruin our friendship. What should I do?

man, i was so pumped about this new gig i scored. you ever just hype something up in your head like it's gonna change your life? that's where i was. imagining myself in this dream job, strutting in with that big shot energy, taking over the world one meeting at a time. i thought, finally, i'm about to be where i've always wanted, doing stuff that's meaningful and transformative. but damn, was i wrong. got there and everything felt like a major letdown. the work is dull, the team barely talks to one another unless it's about something trivial like the damn coffee machine breaking down, and don't even get me started on the so-called "growth opportunities" – what a joke. And suddenly, all that confidence I had just plummeted. it's like when you save up all your money for the concert of your all-time favorite band, only for the lead singer to show up inebriated and mumbling half the lyrics. feels like i’ve been suckered into buying a timeshare in disappointment town.

let me tell you about the point when reality hit. we had this big project that i was amped about... finally, a chance to shine. but turns out, the whole thing was just smoke and mirrors. the higher-ups didn't even care about the quality. seemed like they were more into playing politics than actually getting any meaningful work done. my input? brushed off like i'm some peon who speaks gibberish. my self-esteem took a nosedive off a cliff. it's all learning experiences they said, but hell, learning what? learning to suffer in silence while others pretend to paddle the broken canoe? what they don’t put in the job description is that sometimes the job is less about what you do and more about how you fit into the dysfunctional puzzle. gives you some gnarly flashbacks, doesn’t it? someday they’ll write this crap into a tragic comedy and we can all have a good laugh. ever read kafka? feels like that but without the cool existential reflections and too many office memos.

but hey, i'm not gonna sit around here sounding like debbie downer. i'm trying to find that silver lining in all this. recently, i started focusing on the small stuff. like, okay, the job sucks, sure, but that doesn't mean every day is a wash. i’ve met one or two folks who are genuinely decent, which is a rarity. sometimes we grab a beer after work and share horror stories, it helps to blow off steam. the thing is, the truth hurts but it's also kind of liberating, right? i'm learning (slowly, mind you) that i ain’t defined by a lousy job or how the higher-ups see me. that's just a blip on this radar we call life. and man, if there's one thing i've picked up, it's to keep an open mind and not let disappointments tether you. life’s too short to be bogged down by unrealized ideals. chase something else, like finding a passion or a hobby. who knows, maybe i'll be the next youtube sensation cooking questionable recipes. i mean, what’s life without a little spontaneity and gamble? So how do you cope when the daily grind gets you down? just curious if there's any universal hack out there we're all missing. 🤔

No one is this family respects my boundaries like tonight I said I dont want my cat going out in the dark and they let him out anyway! So cool to not respect a simple request that has been said over and over! Ive already lost one cat because of her doing that and if I loose him Im just going to be stuck with a dog I dont connect with and wishing I was just a bit more pushy

I'm concerned for myself. I've been waking up lately attempting to end my life. I've also found different scars and bruises on my body that I didn't have before. I've tried telling people and they just dismiss me. I then started to hear whispering and voices telling me i'm not good enough at midnight. My depression was doing well, but it's getting bad again. I can't stop crying and having panic attacks. My mind is playing tricks on me and no one believes me. My parent doesn't respect anything I say or what's going on.

My sister, Bobbie Collins Guess, is the middle sister of our parent's three daughters, and she and her husband of 20 years have been spreading lies about me, and trying to destroy my reputation in order to try to cover up her devient behavior and nasty things that she did as a young woman. She and her husbsnd, Steve Guess, who is a child of incest and raised as a foster child by a relative, have slandered me and my family for years, unbeknownst to me, and have put aweful things online about me and about our beloved parents who have been deceased for years. Our only son died of Fentenal poisoning in 2018, and after that, I found out about filthy rumors that she and her husband have spread about me, and about my husband, daughter and dead son, but especially me. Bobbie is my middle sister, and she had a very rough young adulthood, with her being an alcoholic, hanging out in bars, and sleeping with many men, even married men, and with women too. She divorced twice, and lived with several people without marriage until she met and married for the third time to a Steve Guess 20 years ago. She even tried to break up my marriage by going after my husband years ago, before she met Steve. At that time, she ended up in a mental hospital after she drove drunk, hit a bunch of parked cars, and physically went off on the police. She was getting into street fights at that time too, so she was evaluated by a psychiatrist, and put in a mental ward, where she called our mother begging her to come get her, and my mother did, but later regretted it...I later ended up having a "nervous breakdown" because someone poisoned me with something that caused me to get sick, and I now believe that my mentally ill middle sister Bobbie, who has refused to admit how sick she is, did that to me! I never knew just how jealous of me she was, and what lengths she would go through to hurt me, but I have come to realize that she and her weird husband have been "two on the grind" that have been cursing my life for twenty years!...She always acted like she was there for me during problems with my kids, marital problems, and the lack of money issues that my little family has gone through over the years, but all she and Steve were doing was collecting ammunition to use against me, and they were the ones causing most of our problems to begin with!...I see now that she has been pathologically jealous of me since childhood, probably because I was the oldest daughter and the responsible one, and because I got an education, only married once, since 1975, to a man that loves me, while she spent over 15 years bar hopping and sleeping around. I also had a baby boy and a baby girl, while she had to have hysterectomy in her wild youth, and never was able to have children. Steve never had children either, thank God, and spent his youth with strippers and going through relationships and divorces too. We have another sister, our baby sister, who has been married for many years to her childhood sweetheart, and is scared of her and Steve, maybe because of childhood secrets shared between her and Bobbie that she doesn't want people to know about, so she takes up for them...Steve Guess, who acts like a big wig, and has many people fooled, knows how to ruin people's reputation, so my baby sister refuses to take up for me because "they are so good to her kids", and due to the secrets between her and Bobbie, so it seems that I am the lowest on the totem pole, I know now that I have always been the lowest. It seems that Bobbie and Steve had to have someone in that position to make themselves look like they are somebody that they are not, lol! Steve, who was given a job at AT&T right out of high school due to him being a foster child, worked there for years, and got to be supervisor until he was let go in his mid 50's, but wants people to think he actually retired early because he's so rich, lol...so he really does have many people fooled. My little family used to be the poorest of the three of us by far, so it seems that, due to lack of character, it was easy for them to do me dirty the way that they have, but now my husband and I are relatively well off, and have been blessed with a new home, but since then, I found out that Bobbie and Steve are not happy for us. They hate that we are doing so well, and so the curses have amped up over these last few years. This is sad, because we three sisters had parents that married once, never divorced, and loved each other all their lives, and who loved us kids unconditionally, so we were close all of our lives, but after Bobbie married Steve, she slowly changed. I did not know how evil she and Steve have been all these years, and how they were using me and slandering me. I always felt sorry for Bobbie because of the years she lost as a party girl, and because she had to have a hysterectomy when she was so young, and was never able to have children, so I was always very good to her, even tho she went after my husband all those years ago, but I would've never guessed that my own sister was the one that poisoned me! I have always let God fight my battles, and will continue to let God handle it, but I would really love it if everyone knew how dirty Bobbie and Steve really are, and how they built themselves up by blaming others for their shortcomings, especially me and my little family. They don't want anyone to know Steve is a product of incest, and that he never had a real family, but I believe that's why they can so easily run me down the way they have. Bobbie and Steve Guess are working for Satan and always have been, and everyone should know how dirty they are. They seem to always get away with their dirty deeds, but I know that God knows who they are, and I know that, in the end, God will vindicate me. Thanks for letting me vent! :)

so this is my update on my 2 stories so

the one with my male friend i happen to talk to him and he told me he wanted to give me some space and he wanted some space from life and everything because he had been busy and we managed to talk it out and we're not as close as before but we are good enough that we can talk to each other

and this is about my test

so after few months i have improved my attention span and my grades and im going to write my exams in another 2 months so i do feel well prepared now i do hope i do well on my finals

and i do want to thank everyone who have helped me even though i have 2 stories but i dont know when ill be back so thank you to all who have replied to my story

Does anyone remember this: https://iiwiars.com/health-and-wellness/fuck-everyone? I spoke to my mom. She said, "I know you were angry when you messaged them. I'm not mad at you. I know, I know it's very difficult coming to school and no one, NO ONE, wants to speak with you. Can you do anything about it? Can I do anything about it? I can speak to a teacher and assign you a buddy, but you don't want that (I told mom I didn't want because they'll speak to someone else). Plus, you guys only speak in break for 15 minutes (we actually have break for 20 minutes), most of the time you're studying and when those kids do whisper in class, the teacher scolds them. You will find people, maybe in 3 months, maybe in 6 months, maybe in a few years. But you have me, and you can speak to me about anything, I'll listen and I won't judge!" Shut up, it's been 7 years. You may listen when I rant and put your own thoughts, like the Phantom Blood, but be a mother. I'll never find a friend by the next few years, because nothing exists. Fuck you. Actually fuck a horse. My mom should be raped by a horse. SHe's a liar who doesn't wanna admit she hates me so she wants to ruin my life. No matter the fact my gut is crying and wanting to go back to her, logically, she's neglectful. She should be raped, killed, and dumped away. Because she's a bad parent. Fuck her. Fuck her so so much. She should die. She deserves it, right? She's abusive, right? She's not a friend, right? My gut is fucking wrong, right? I'm not gonna hurt her. And even if I did, I'd still be caught in the future somehow. But I am gonna abandon my family when I'm in college, because family slows you down. I deserve to help them with nothing, ditch them away, and the last thing I'd message them is "Fucking die". People anyways don't need their parents to live, they anyways fucking slow you down. I want to leave home by 20, go to some random place, and wish them "Fucking die and get fucking raped because you all are piggish sluts sent from Hell", because my parents are fuck-tards who are abusive little shits who deserve to die and rot in my fucking syphilis-infected vagina. No, in someone else's rotten vagina, because I'm better than them! I'm a god, you hear me!? And anyone who also agrees the world is trash, and humans deserve to die, let's be friends! Let's start a fucking group, because we only see the truth!

Just as the title says, my school does care more than my family. More about if I'm okay, if I'm hurting, if i'm overwell okay. Where my family only cares if I convenience them or are doing something they don't like. They've caused me severe anxiety, manic depression, atychiphobia (fear of failure), Bipolar, and an ED. They only focus on what benefits them or if i'm disappointing them. My sibling is the worst, they ignore me unless they find something to tell the person who cares for us.

So my parent was really strict before and barely let me do anything, but I started to have a lot of anxiety and just by making the smallest mistake I would start having a panic attack because I was so scared of failure and not being enough that it got dangerous and even developed into a phobia. My parent got really mad at me for always messing up because of my severe anxiety and manic depression from their expectations being too high. They called me 'ungrateful' and always using my mental health as 'excuses' just to get things. I tried to explain why I act like this, but they were having none of it. I just stopped trying to explain myself and just told them what's really happening in my head and body, but they just said it was another one of my excuses to get something,but I was just trying to tell them that they needed to start following the accommodations my safety plan says and they just waved me off, gave me one of my devices and started ignoring me for days.

I went to my school carnival, it was fine, I guess. There were many people, and I only went there to buy some merch and stuff. I saw my classmates, said hi to a few of them, but otherwise I didn't do anything with them because they had their own groups doing their things, but I think I dressed well and I got a strawberry keychain, a small Amazonite tumble, and some stickers of K-Pop Demon Hunters and a chemistry version of "Iconic" with moments captured, to say, "Iconic moments captured". But yeah, it was fine, mom got some magnets, my brother hung out with his friends. Honestly, my loneliness now felt more hollow than sad. I told my mom maybe I was destined to be a hermit, and she said, "Even they live, and stop whining. We need to get something." And when I told her no one really greeted me, not that I expected them anyways since I belong in the garbage, she said, "It'll take time, please." Take time, it took 7 years. When we came home after a nice Oriental meal, it was really filling, mom noticed I end up scratching myself way more due to my eczema, and mom admitted she knew why because it gives relief, but when I told her I also do this because when everything goes to hell, I don't have friends, I score low in exams, I stop drawing, scratching is the only thing I'm good at. Mom looked at me weird, told me I live a privileged life, and that when her parents split she was worse off for a while, but weirdly, after I told her "Maybe my problems aren't real." And she said, "You think I said that? Try to think positively for once. It's a slow process." It has been 7 years already, I've given up the search for friendship and love, because to me, it's now a sin my body still wants. In fact, why bother with people? Love and friends are a risk, a liability, and scratching and thinking of doomsday is the only reason I'm alive. It's the only way I'm not getting into bad situations, because I don't trust people. I have eczema, I do get a relief, mom knows. You may say, "Oh stop this self-harm!" But this is from eczema, I've always had this. I have! It's just gotten slightly worse over the years in terms of skin. But it doesn't matter, because as long as I'm not getting an infection or at risk of dying, I'm just suffering a skin disorder. Even mom doesn't get it, because she's an idiot! Why do I even trust her!? She deserves to leave, and so does dad, and my brother who rubs salt in my wound by calling me "friendless", "ugly", "short", "stupid because you scored low marks" on a daily basis thinking it's a joke. I get it, you have more success than me! I'm a flopped movie! But one man who I forgot the name of was right, "People is hell". Hell is other people. That one author of "No Exit" was right. People are disgusting creatures. I may have yelled at mom today, but that's the freest I've felt. Hurting disgusting creatures is easier than living with them, considering I'm a warrior in a world of Hell. Making them feel bad with my harsh words. Hell is other people. Mom is delusional for wanting hope. I've hoped long enough, and it's a mere childish thing. We humans perceive things in our own ways, we may not share the same sights at all, and maybe the real world is just nothing, and we projected ourselves onto it like beings orbiting a mass in nothingness. It's some physics theory I heard somewhere. Her perception that it'll get somewhere is her being a human. My mom is forcing it down my throat because she's another mass of life my poor brain created wanting me to suffer. I'm right, aren't I? Isn't the theory correct? Isn't Sartre correct? Aren't I intelligent? Isn't my perception theory correctly recollected? Me being smarter than my peers, even the guy who told me the perception theory as a joke, I reflected and made it make sense. Guts thrived in being alone, he left Casca for 2 years to help himself after she got trauma, and he lived. He reflected so much, all when being isolated. From his team, his girlfriend, to beat Griffith! At least he had a reason to fight, what am I doing? People are anyways uncultured, stupid, mean, ugly pigs who deserve nothing, anyways. I'm really starting to get Dio and Kat from Euphoria more, people are trash! No wonder Dio became a vampire and Kat became who she is, people are trash and he's rightfully ashamed to be human. People are pigs because I'm better than them. Even my classmates are pigs. And you may also say again, "Oh but try therapy!" Enough with the therapist talk! My dad will never let me go to one ever again! I can never ever go to one because it's a fantasy dream! It's just a life I can never have, so the best I can do is just move on or trust mom, which she's already labelled "pig" in my head because parents slow down their children. I'm no longer hating myself, I hate everyone else for thinking I'm a freak for seeing the truth. Nothing matters because nothing exists. I'm a god in a world of pigs. I was only born as a girl unfortunately. Not that I feel gender dysphoria whatsoever, but people are pigs.

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

PEOPLE ARE PIGS

Hi

So I got a few months ago my ex best friend/ex Situationship told me he was going to break up with his girlfriend for me because I made him feel safe and loved. Fast-forward a few months I gave him a time limit of when to break up with his girlfriend because I wanted to spend the holidays with him. He then and said, broke things off with me after having intercourse with me. I threatened to tell his girlfriend and now he’s telling everyone that I’m crazy because I have bipolar. So now every time I go to my neighborhood McDonald’s he clears at me and my now boyfriend. But I wanna know if I was crazy to like him in like that or if I was just being a hopeless romantic at a point.