Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 2

(its a fictional language it's not meant to be understood and I don't want feedback. don't reply to this.)

Sín, menskine kenniii. Wērn f mar esferski lexunis overwhelmed ankestor mendun mar esferski menskine enich jealous, sín, menskine kenniii. Wērn n mar esferski enich boziini munix laefter okrúnté, e esferski lukuntämä ketaint, sín menskine kenniii. Makrëp lexunis ter pressure lofe kemá mei lexunisen estômen, sín menskine kenniii. Agutén, mon menskine enich, ankestor mendanki kexądt laefter kennalesek elivia menskine enich jealous

I can't upload this for some reason, so see it here https://gemsedu-my.sharepoint.com/:w:/r/personal/aadhya_r_nms_gemsed_com/_layouts/15/Doc.aspx?sourcedoc=%7BDA624444-EC0B-4156-B97C-4C237FF8957E%7D&file=I%27m%20tired.docx&action=default&mobileredirect=true&wdOrigin=WAC.WORD.HOME-BUTTON%2CAPPHOME-WEB.JUMPBACKIN&wdPreviousSession=d9968b4e-92fa-4b71-85f9-e68c7cb83679&wdPreviousSessionSrc=AppHomeWeb&ct=1762869632151

I keep asking myself why things go the way they do, and maybe you can tell me if you see something I don’t. I’m 19, I’m a guy, and every time I get a girlfriend she leaves me after a few days or maybe a couple weeks. It feels like a pattern I can’t break, but I’m trying to stay calm and hopeful about it. I’m not rude or anything like that. I’m polite, I respect women, I listen, and I try not to talk too much about myself. I’m not ugly but not beautiful either, just somewhere in the middle like many people. I’m not rich, not poor. My clothes look fine because my mom picks everything for me, and she actually has good taste even if I feel a bit embarassed about telling people that. The weird thing is I don’t fight with the girls I date. I don’t yell or get angry or act controlling. I try to show kindness. I try to be normal. Yet after a few days they start saying “I feel like something is missing” or “I don’t know what I want right now,” and then they just pull away. I don’t blame them, but it makes me wonder. Is something wrong with me? Or am I just in the wrong place, wrong time, wrong stage of life without noticing it?

Sometimes when I look back at each short relationship, I feel detached, like I’m watching a movie of someone else’s life. I try to be objective. What did I do wrong? Was I too polite? Too quiet? Too available? Maybe I answer messages too quickly. Maybe I say “yes” too often. Or maybe I don’t say enough interesting things. Maybe I’m boring. I don’t know. It’s strange because I like peaceful moments. I like sitting next to someone without forcing words. But I guess a lot of girls my age want excitement or drama or something that keeps the energy high. One girl even told me, “You’re too calm,” like it was a bad thing. I don’t think calm is bad. It helps me think clearly. Still, when someone says that, I start thinking maybe I should be louder or more spontaneous or more chaotic or something like that. But that wouldn’t be me. I don’t want to pretend to be someone else. Maybe the right person will like the calm. Maybe she will like the silence too. I keep telling myself “the right girl will stay,” even if it feels like a quote from some cliché poster on the wall. But sometimes clichés help when your heart is a little confused.

I try to stay positive. I really do. I look forward, not backwards. I keep reminding myself that I’m still young. Nineteen is nothing, right? I haven’t even figured out my own life plan yet. Maybe that’s part of the reason things fall apart fast. Maybe girls my age also don’t know what they want. Maybe everyone is just trying random things to see what feels right. I even looked up some stuff online, and I read somewhere, “Early relationships are practice, not final results.” That made me feel lighter. It was like someone telling me it’s okay to not have everything perfect now. I can accept that. I don’t feel angry at the girls who left. I don’t think they’re bad or mean. I think they’re lost too, the same as me. And even if my relationships were short, at least I tried. At least I opened up a little. At least I cared. And caring is something I don’t want to lose. I would rather be a caring person than someone who pushes feelings away. Even if it hurts a little at the end. Pain fades anyway. Hope stays longer.

So I guess I’m writing this to ask you honestly: is something wrong with me? Or maybe nothing is wrong and life is just doing its weird confusing thing. I’m not perfect, but I don’t feel broken. I don’t feel hopeless. I just feel like a person trying to understand himself while watching people drift in and out of his life. Maybe relationships ending quickly isn’t a sign that I’m unlovable. Maybe it’s just timing. Maybe it’s the age. Maybe it’s just normal and I’m overthinking it. I hope so. I hope things will change slowly, like weather getting warmer after a long cold week. I hope next time I meet someone, things last a little longer. And even if they don’t, I’ll keep going. I’ll keep learning. I’ll keep trying. Life is still long for me, and I want to stay hopeful. So tell me, what do you think? Am I missing something obvious? Or should I just relax, breathe, and trust that it will all make sense someday?

I’ve been struggling with this for a long time. I didn’t even realize it was such a big issue until I go home and come back, realize that the room is mess (so mess). It wasnt like this few months before.

I find it really hard to organize or decide where to keep things. There’s no space, and so many unused items lying around. It’s mentally exhausting to sort and categorize everything. I try, but I only manage to organize a small portion before getting tired. I honestly don’t know what to do. Clothes, bins, paper bags, food items, storage boxes. :(

I struggle to organize/decide on what/where to keep things - There’s no space and so many unused items lying around here, Its mentally exhaustive to decide to categorize/sort :'(. I keep trying to do this but, whenever I start to organize a small portion, I get tired and its a cycle - :/ Clothes, Paper bags, food items, storage boxes - Everything is messy now , whole room is cluttered and its tiring to look at - Kinda like I am in a pile of things. I feel _____ to see the current condition.

my last post was about gigachads, now what i actually want to know, how do they have all this capacity, whats there secret to performing well even tho they have alot of struggle, what am i doing wrong

I'm not the one who's hurting here—at least, not the one that's hurting the most in this situation.

A good friend of mine has recently told me that they can't keep being around me because they've fallen in love with me. I've had a few instances of suspecting this during the past few years but I always brushed it off as me misconstruing things. No other friendship has compared to what me and this girl have. She's my best friend.

I grew up with very little close friends. Most of the time, I was the floater friend and so when it came to the rare occurrence of me developing really close friendships, I'd hold on to them like they were my lifelines.

Then I met this girl. It was 2022, I believe. We've been through a lot together, confided in each other during the darkest points of 2022-2025. And this year, I felt like our friendship was really developing as we'd see each other more often to hang out. We were initially online friends and circumstance has led us to living in neighboring cities.

She's one of the greatest people I know, genuinely. When I say that there's goodness in this world, she has proven that to me.

Earlier, she texted me earlier saying that our friendship has been weighing on her because she's known for a long time that she's developed feelings.

I told her that I understood if she's taking a break from talking to me or if she's completely cutting me off because clearly, if I keep being friends with her, she'd be operating at an expense. Being friends with her will only hurt her even more. I cannot be more than a friend even if I tried. And I'm feeling like I'm losing someone who's been an integral part of my support system. I don't want to lose her but I know it's selfish of me to want to keep being friends because her needs are clearly not being met in this situation.

She's said that nobody has ever understood her the way I do and that she's struggling to see anyone else who'd reach my level of understanding of her. And objectively, I know someone else is out there that can be just as good a friend as I was to her. But she likes me. And there's nothing I can do about this.

I know that this is something she has to deal with internally, that maybe time will bring us back together. I cannot stop her and I only want her to have peace of mind even if it's at the cost of cutting me off.

But she's my best friend. I'm in a dark spot right now and my support system is literally just 3 people including her and she's the person I'm closest to. Lmao not the best, I know.

I know what will happen when she does reply to my text. I just hope it won't be goodbye.

So, just to give some context I'm the same person from this one: https://iiwiars.com/family-drama/i-hate-myself-and-nothing-that-is-happening-to-me-is-helping

Things aren't going better, I try to concentrate more on the good things than the bad ones but shit still happens way too much. My dad keeps getting angry at my brother, my brother doesn't care about anything and he keeps having these outbursts if things don't go how he plans and he just says he won't do that thing anymore, my mom's tired and I still hate this place.

Some years ago I honestly thought about escaping (tiktok at that time played a part in it too), right now though I don't think that anymore, it's not because I don't want to get the hell out of here but because I just because I can't do it. If I had an option to just teleport to a better family and better place I would right now.

My dad, well from the last post I already said he's not the best, but I feel like now he's getting worse. All he does is get home from work and slouch on the couch using his phone, then saying we are the ones addicted to it when he won't even get up and get off his phone to grab the charger in the other room and instead order us to do it. because yeah, I can't say no, if I do I'll have my phone, tablet and computer blocked because at 15 I still have parental control on all of them (they can see my position, what apps I download, what sites I visit and some things are age restricted or blocked directly). I don't like it and I've tried multiple times to ask them to change it since they say they use it only to look at my position and I give them another app only for that and he says it's not my choice and that as long as they like it then there's no need to change it, he says that if I had nothing to hide then I wouldn't need to change the app. Me or my brother don't eat at dinner or eat little? it's because we had a lot of snacks, even when we haven't had any, and sometimes we're forced to still eat more even though we don't want to, otherwise everything gets blocked. For a period I had my bedroom door taken away because whenever he called me I wouldn't hear because I kept it closed and so he took it off and I didn't know how to put it back on, which is an incredible shitty thing because where's my privacy? well he said "what privacy? it's just your bedroom". this all in the span of some years, like middle school until now. I can't wear some clothes because they're 'only for carnival' (it's alright fashion, goth type of things, nothing that shows ass or boobs, just specific type of jewelry that maybe has bats and spiders or was 'Halloween -like').

Another things that makes me really uncomfortable is the hypocrisy of him. My brother (who's 13) has a female friend that he's close to, they all praise him because he could be having a girlfriend. I have a close male friend and he says he would beat up any boyfriend I'll have. that makes me super uncomfortable because, why can't I have the freedom to get a partner, why can't I just be romantically involved with someone without the fear of being found out? (I never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend and tbh sometimes I think what stops me is in a little part also because of this).

then once I went out with my best friend and her boyfriend and we went around the town in his car, he's responsible and he's had his driving licence for enough to be trusted. but when I told my dad he said to not go in the car again and if I do it again he's gonna go to him and beat him till he bleeds (obviously him still going in his car with my friend and him, just not telling my dad and when I get dropped off, always away from my house).

I cannot swear, I don't mean I can't say incredibly bad swear words, I mean that if I only say 'f*ck' and he hears it he'll get angry. I don't get why? I'm not hurting anyone, I'm not saying it to anyone, I'm not insulting anyone. but he can swear against God (I'm not religious but it's still a swear word, even worse than that) and we cannot say anything about that, he can be racist and homophobic and we can't say shit about that. the only time my brother confronted him about it (I'm way too scared to do it myself that one day he'll just snap and get real angry or get violent, especially because sometimes he threatens to beat us if we don't act good) he answered that he wasn't racist but some (words I'm not going to say) are just all criminals.

I hate this place and sometimes I want them to just get a divorce, but I get scared: what if end up with my dad? what if instead of my mom getting better, she gets worse? what will happen to us?

I just hate it.

Hey so idk if this is just a hormonal feeling but lately it's getting hard for me to talk to my own friends about how I feel. I heard so many times on social media that people's friends are so sick of their friends venting to them. And I'm kinda scared and tbh last time I vented it felt like it got so brushed aside so easily. I feel like I'm being annoying. At school i use to just do stupid things with my friends but after I found out my crush said I was annoying and someone (who's pretty) said I don't stand a chance with them repeatly. Even my dad always said means things to me like being stupid or useless. I got kind of use to his mockery. When he found out I liked them he just said I wasn't good enough for them. I feel like social media is too blame as well but now I feel like I lost confidence in myself and my interest. especially at social events one of my friend's is very social so they usually sit with alot of people and idk how to include myself without feeling suffocated or childish. My problems feel so irrelevant and stupid to others.

But I still want to know how to get rid of this feeling because I feel like I'm pushing my friends away and I really don't want to end up alone.

Hey im lwk here to trauma dump and explain how i feel as someone who is in the process of getting diagnosed with bpd and cptsd.

So I have a extensive past so this may be a long read.

This all started with my uncle and step dad. Mainly my stepdad. He abused me for years I was about 4 when it started and 10 when it stopped thanks to my mum Finaly divorcing him. I'm glad I didn't get beaten by him but he would smack me and shove me around till my ass was brussied and I couldn't sit or lay down from the pain for days or even weeks. I became suicidal at 6 after losing friends and getting abused so often for literally just breathing to loud. Anyway around 7 my uncle gave me bad trauma around alcohol and some drugs he was very high of some very bad drugs dont remember exactly what one's but they where bad. He came home screaming and shouting and hit me and my God mother in the drug fueled rage and police where called. About 6 months later I had to move house from my school and few friends left for the first time. That became a staple I went to 8 schools. The new school was worse I had this one girl beat me black and blue in year 1 or 2 and she was aloud to stay on the playground I wasn't. That fucked up my sense of if you hurt someone that just means your better then them. (Also from my past abuse trauma i assumed it was okay and I was just weak.) Eventually we moved again out of state for a year when I go heavily pushed into Christianity and got touched by a teacher at that school. I was also exposed to porn and sexual content about 2 years earlier and these events made me very hypersexual at just 7/8 years old. At 8 I moved back to the old state. This is where it gets bad i recommend if you are sensitive to rape sexual assault abuse people Getting away with that grooming and more to click away.

We moved to a well know school and moved in with my grandparents. My cousin who was 1 year younger shared a room with me is very important here and will be mentioned soon. At this school it was good other then bulling for a bit and this one boy hunter in year 4 so a year after I moved he would start to touch me grab my ass and tits and thighs which later lead to rape. He was very violent and as I was his best friend I go put alone with him I his rages as I could claim him down.( by letting him touching me) this is also when my cousin mentioned earlier also began raping me. Every night in my own home. The first time I refused he was very mad and the next day at school saw me walk past and tackled me pulling my hair out in chunks and biting me. He moved out around 4-8 months later i dont remember exactly. In year 5 around the time my cousin left I began being closer with this girl hallie. She was extremely. Manipulative abusive and would assault me from time to time. She was a very bad person and gave me most of my trauma even despite hunter my stepdad my uncle and my cousin. She would leave me and come back as I got independent. She tried killing me think I was deathly allergic to something I had a mild reaction to because we had a mutual friend i was talking to.

After that I went to high school where the boy I liked told his older sister and she hated me so proceeded to try sell me a battery acid vape to kill me. This was 4 months after hallie tried. She was friends with this other girl Caitlin who would bash me. 2 .months later I moved schools. I was doing good. Then I got in a relationship with this dude Jason. He was fucked. He would use trauma I had and put his arm around my neck any time I tried to move which he knew was a move hallie would pull. He isolated me and made me completely dependant on him then I split on him once again after he said he never liked me and I broke up with him. I instantly regretted it a begged for him back. He got back with me for 1 day. And proceeded to just give my jumper back and say this isn't gonna work infront of all my friends and my whole class. I ran out crying my friends comfortated me but this sent me into a obsession. For months I would make fake a counts to stalk him I'd beg and bag for him back if get my friends involved. The day he broke up with me my best friend threw Potato wedges or smt at him. Instead of moving on and keeping my best friend I let Jason manipulate me again. He said he would get back with me if I stopped being friends with that friend and hated them. I stopped being friends with them and got in a punch on with them before I realised what happened. I had no boyfriend and ruined my best friendship.i went into a spiral and began dating 16-19 year olds at 13. Getting raped and abused more. This year I became friends with that old friend again. I developed a crush on them and now we have been dating 5 months. Its hard. We both have bpd. We both split. He has did. Some of his alters(maybe most) dont think i have bpd. Fair. Im not like his bpd. I dont show my splits very much anymore. I used to get violent when I did. I dont anymore. I start hating him. It feels like I'm going to do that again. Im scared i will hurt him.

Sometimes all I want to do i murder him. Sometimes him not being here makes me wanna kms. Sometimes being happy is like a manic episode or euphoria. Sometimes sadness feels like I'm going to jump. Anger is murder. Love is unreal and unsafe. The only love I know is abuse rape and manipulation. I dont know if me and him will make it.

I can't be with out him or I cut myself convinced he will leave. Him needing a break because we are literally almost 24/7 feels like a stab in the back. Like he is leaving and he broke up with me. Being with him feels like I'm drowning. I attached to him. His my favourite person and best friend but my enemy and least favourite at the same time. Im living off him but dying with him. I self sabotage I hurt him and test him push him to see if he will leave if he will hate me and I kmow he will soon. Im so disconnected and traumatised that i know he will leave because of it. Im dying with out him but I'm the one pushing him away.

I have identity issues that lead to spirals and episodes.

My relationships are intense and short relating to me splitting and breaking up with them or hurting/ pushing them away. I have rapid painful mood swings that are intense and affect other people aswell.

I make impulsive and frantic decisions to avoid abandonment.

This is only part of my story it would take to long to write the rest but here's the main story.

- me

I'm facing a deep, core financial issue that I can't seem to overcome, no matter how much I try. It feels as if I'm trapped in a loop of problems. It all started with losses in my crypto futures. I think my stress arises less from the fact that I had losses, and more from the guilt trip that I'm putting on myself: that I'm making myself, my family, and my boyfriend poor because of my crypto venture. I know that I should stop, but if I do, I don't know how I'll return the money to myself, my family, and my boyfriend. Sometimes I feel like I should kill myself, but I know I can't. I tried, but my boyfriend cried like hell. My mom almost had a cardiac arrest, and my sister felt horrible after that. Does this mean I have to live with this pain forever, or will I be able to see a ray of hope again and be happy?

Is there any good advice to lose weight but then get really committed to it?

Uhh, lil update about what I texted before, basically my ex girlfriend (let's call her uhh "M") M wasn't the best, she didn't support my choices and thought that she was the only one important in the relationship. She's 11, 2 years younger than me, and she had only 1 week long relationships until I arrived (ours was 1 month and 2 days). Now I understood why. She's a manipulative person and she threatened me to kill herself If I didn't become her boyfriend again. I left her because I was struggling to stay in a long distance relationship and fuck, my mental health had fucked itself, plus i was starting to understand how bad she really was... Now she told me that she s3lf h4rmed and she sent me the pics of it.. and she told me "next time I won't be telling you "tell K I love her" (k is a friend of M and mine) but it will be " hey I'm m's mom.. she c0mmited su1cide... May i know why?"" And well I feel like I did something wrong...

She also told me things that made me look the selfish one that broke the "promise". Yeah, I did promise her that I wasnt gonna leave her, but fuck. We are 11 and 13. What the hell did you expect from it? And now I think I'm the one who deserve to D1e and that should have K1lled h1m s3lf. I already tried it and damn, i should have finished what I was gonna do.. now I keep thinking im the monster who hurted her and almost make her d1e... And same for K becouse she's like a sister to M and she's struggling a lot too, and if M d1es, K d1es too, and what should i do if they do so?.. I hope they won't..

I lost my parents when I was 10 years old. I grew up with toxic relatives who always wish me death. I was a topper in my class, so I always thought that once I graduate I'm gonna find a job and leave all this poison behind and be happy. But God has different plans for me. I almost lost my life when I was in my final years of college due to infection in my lungs and heart. I was under fucking medication for 4 years, I lost my career basically. My partner broke up with me because I can't give birth due to all these side effects of my medication. All the other people I know are living a good life. They have everything I wish for family, career, partner, kids and a place to call home. I have been depressed all my life but for the past few days I feel like giving up. idk what to do anymore...........

Well I'm a strong lady so I think I will keep on living :)

I have had this weird feeling for a few years now, but I kinda disregarded it bc idk it doesn't feel like much, but its honestly kinda unbearable. Its like I feel like sad and depressed inside but I cant like feel it besides this pit in my stomach and tightness in my throat. Its like the emotions are stuck and I cant just feel them and get them over with like I do with other ones. idk if its leftover from a few years ago, but I hate it so much because its not enough of a bad feeling that I give myself grace, but I deffinetly don't feel happy or calm or even nutural. I just want to feel sad or happy not this weird in between where I cant feel anything.

Hello. I lost my pet pig almost a year ago and am still dealing with feelings of regret and guilt, as well as loss. He was the closest thing I could call a child and a big part of my life for three years.

He was sickly a few times before he died, with loss of appetite and energy. I took him to both a clinic and got a vet to look at him, but didn’t get a lot of answers and was just told to try to feed him. So I did, and most of the times he got better, but then got sick again.

Then he one day after getting a lot better (I thought) got REALLY sick and I panicked since I was sure he was dying. I still lived with my parents then, but they weren’t as panicked as me and said they would help me take him to a clinic in the morning. The vet on call (night shift) also said we probably could wait till the morning. It was Sunday night and I was thinking more about the money than I now wish I did. He died after a few hours of me trying to keep him warm.

I am now learning after researching what I think was his cause of death, that I could have saved him if I gave him early treatment. And pretty easily at that. That has been haunting me since he died, and I can not stop feeling like a horrible human being, and selfish person that cared more about the money than take him to a clinic again after a unhelpful experience.

I felt like I was dying the first week and literally could not sleep because I was crying so much and saw him every time I closed my eyes. I still cry when I see his photos, and more than anything feel like it’s my fault that he died, and that he would have had it better if someone else was his owner.

I’m mostly here to vent, since I don’t really feel like I have anyone to talk about this with. It’s my first time using this site, so I don’t know if this is the correct way to post. If anyone has some tips for getting over mostly the guilt, I would appreciate it. Thank you for reading.