Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 2

So life has been going pretty well actually. I've been getting my grades up so I'll be able to graduate real soon, finally booking an appointment with a doctor so I can talk about therapy and hrt trans stuff. Already getting my glasses soon and I'll definitely look cool with them. I've been making jokes and my sister and mom laugh at them again, idk why I'm good at jokes again, nothing really changed except for like just doing more positive affirmations and manifestation stuff. I'm glad that part of me is back tho.

Ngl I need to change my hair but my sister wants me to wait it out, I've just been wearing a bandana thing which looks cool but like it's hot asf outside. I still haven't tried to make friends or a boyfriend, it's easy to do online but like idk, maybe I'm lazy. I low-key wouldn't mind going to appointments on my own, my mom kinda let me and I was fine, but I felt...idk like overdressed, didn't feel like an npc. The doctors didn't really speak too much directly too me or seem to take me too seriously, I think it's because I look childish and still have a kid voice, my mom points it out and also my style. It's nothing wild, I like alternative baggy clothes and I still like them. I wished I sounded more mature, I've been trying pronounce things differently or change my voice, making it deeper... doesn't really help. The reason I got insecure about my voice is because I recorded for a school project and I sounded nerdy or like something was wrong with me like I have some kind of vocal problem. I told my sister about it and she was like "you don't need to change it, you just need to accept it for the rest of your life" she's low-key wise.

I do wonder if I should take hrt, that would make me love life but my parents are homophobic and transphobic so like I'm scared. Idk when or how to come out, my plan was just to transition and then come home but...that seems like a bad idea as my parents are very much in my life so I feel like we would need to address the elephant in the room. I'm going from girl to guy so it would be noticable. If I have the opportunity to take hrt, should I?

My parents would have a bit of a crazy reaction but idk how crazy. My mom would just think it's because of trauma and be sweet or try to change me but my dad? That's some scary stuff, he's like low-key crazy, anger issues, hulk smashing everything, and would be very angry. When a queer family member lived here, he referred to her as the devil in his house. I'm lowkey already getting that tho because I said I have different beliefs plus being into rock/metal music and horror games so I have dark posters and stuff that he thinks is demonic. My room is pretty colorful tho.

Any advice is appreciated and I really hope you have a good day 🖤🩷 always be gentle to yourself, what's the point in hating yourself during the journey if you're going to the same destination regardless. <3

So basically my mom tells literally every single person in my family (literally all) everything about me as ones mom does.

It always bothered me especially when it's someone private that I trusted to tell her and only her

Right now I am applying to different colleges and I told her (begged her) not to tell anyone about what I am applying to or whatever because the whole family pesters me about it and they get their hopes up really high and I am scared of disappointing them.

The first time I applied to a college she told everyone so I talked with her and explained why I didn't want her telling anybody and she apologized and said she wouldn't do it again.

This cycle happened about 3 times again until I finally broke down and started crying and telling to please not tell anyone and that it stresses me out, that time when I cried she ignored it like nothing even happened and it made me more upset but I kept it to myself.

Fast forward to now she did it again, I got really mad and upset I didn't say anything and just went to the bathroom to cry and collect myself.

now SHE is upset with me saying that the way I acted was disrespectful and dad took her side.

I feel so upset rn and have no one to talk to about this.

I really love my mom but this has always been an issue between us as I am a very private person and when she does this it makes me lose trust in her.

I don't know why her telling people about me upsets me SO MUCH but it does and I just wish she respected that

I'll try and make it up to her later because I can't sleep if she's upset with me

Sorry if this didn't make much sense English isn't my first language :/

So, I've been doing a lot of introspection lately and have come to question what my current relationship situation is all about. I mean, am I really in a polyamorous relationship, or is it just some sort of undefined connection, morphing into something I can't quite put my finger on?! There’s this sense of freedom I had anticipated when I first thought about it, dealing with multiple partners who all know about each other, yet I often find myself puzzled about how to manage everything without letting my emotions get the best of me. Ironically, the relationship dynamics are supposed to offer choices without the need for secretive affairs or guilt-coated whispers typical in monogamy, right?! Yet here I am, floundering a bit in understanding whether everyone involved shares the same understanding of what it means to navigate such a bond. It sometimes becomes a question of emotional regulation... how do I balance attention and affection for multiple partners harmoniously while setting boundaries and ensuring everyone feels secure and acknowledged?

And honestly, adding the layer of being pansexual makes things no less intricate!!! Does that mean having a wider array of attractions complicates things or makes them more enlightening? In trying to embrace the freedom to love beyond traditional societal constraints, I still find myself questioning if I'm capable of managing the emotional complexity that comes with these labels. I’ve always prided myself on being open-minded when it comes to love!... allowing feelings to develop naturally. However, I can’t help but feel a bit like a juggler who's unsure how many pins they can keep in the air before chaos ensues!!! Has anyone else experienced this duality of yearning for a connection that accepts love in its diverse forms, yet grappling with the reality of how to sustainably nurture each one without falling into a tangled web of miscommunication or unintentional negligence? Maybe it is about transparent communication, trust, and mutual respect, but what if all parties speak different love languages?! Regardless, I’m on a quest to figure this puzzle out... one interaction, one emotion, one day at a time.

So yes ive been falling in the rabbit hole and I’ve come to realize that there’s a lot more there than that meets the eye. For example let’s just take a simple theory like the P. Diddy situation how they found tunnels to Michael Jackson’s house tunnels to TI‘s house tunnels to God knows where all these underground tunnels then they found cages and all this Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton having so many connections to you know, orphanages, and children that have been taken from their families that haven’t been fed well refugees and then you see orders of like 60,000 pizzas ordered to the White House from Obama through email messages that were leaked and you know how Pizza is like the pedophiles sign for boys or I don’t know if it’s a pedophiles sign for girls but I know like there’s signs and stuff then there’s that whole Pizza gate thing and stuff like that there’s pizza gate and they tortured these kids for adrenichrome and all of that I wanna hear you guys theories about all of this like is this like really something we’re living in like REPTILIANS? They’re talking about these ancient reptile aliens that have been among us for eons and then you get these tablets that come out the admiral tablets like they’re normalizing all of this so that if out of nowhere, these things were to just show up it would be normalized like it’s weird what’s going on and it’s kind of scary like all of this stuff has to add up to something you know and I don’t want. I know this sounds crazy. I don’t want any of you guys to think I’m crazy like this is just you know midnight thought but like is there anyone else on here that can like? Tell me like what the fuck they’re thinking about all this

celebrities wearing masks like I was watching some 80s 70s 90s movies like some of these actresses are not aging and I don’t know if they’re cloning them but there’s something going on y’all and I want to hear what you guys have to say

I've been feeling this way for months, more or less since i entered this new phase of my life (high school), and to be honest, I thought it would be pretty much the same as previous years. For the past year or two, ive felt lonely. I have friends and some classmates to talk to, but friends i can talk to about this? i don't have any, and my best friend is going through a tough time right now so im not one of her priorities.

Let's get to the point. I've taken these classes after regular school hours as part of a volunteer program—sometimes in class and sometimes outside of school—but that's pretty rare, so it's usually just at school. I’ve had these friends—I’m going to use different names that are almost the same: Amy and Mila. Amy has been my friend since I was 12, and we were paired up for middle school. I met Mila in 7th grade, and at that time I was going through a lot: stress, changes, the end of important friendships, and I was starting to feel lonely.

I started relying heavily on Amy and Mila; they were the only refuge I had, so when I had a little problem with my friend (I’ll change her name too) Sarah, I leaned on Amy way too much. I knew Amy had this friend I personally didn’t get along with—we were just classmates, but we couldn’t find anything in common to get along as friends the way she and Amy did.

I made up with Sarah when we moved up to 8th grade, but by then I was already pretty dependent on Amy. I couldn’t go anywhere she wasn’t, and when we were in groups or paired up, I’d get really anxious because I didn’t know if Amy would pick me or her other friends. It was awkward being in a group with her friends because, aside from not getting along with Amy’s best friend, I also had to be with (again, name changed) Nicholas, who had liked me and was my best friend, but because of a silly message, we drifted apart.

Sarah wanted me as her friend, and I felt the same way; we were close when Amy wasn't around. All that changed when we moved up to 9th grade (which is where I am now), and things changed drastically.

I was still me, and I think that’s the problem: I don’t have the same tastes as most of my classmates. I isolated myself quite a bit after I stopped hanging out with my old group of friends, and I had almost nothing in common with the people around me, so when they switched us up, I saw it in a way I didn’t want to see it.

In this class, after school, I ended up with Amy and Mila. Amy was still pretty much herself, a little change in her hair and all that, and Mila was still Mila. I thought I’d feel comfortable, but it was the exact opposite, and I immediately noticed how the two of them, having been together since the start of 9th grade, had become even closer. I wanted to be indifferent about it, but I can’t anymore because I feel alone in my class, and feeling like they’re leaving me out is even worse. They used to be my refuge from everything that was happening to me, and now I can’t be with them without feeling like an intruder, it’s horrible and awful. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this, and neither of them picks me when they form groups. I know it’s not their fault, but I feel terrible.

so a little update. I just found out that the best friend works only a few minutes away from me and he got this job after I moved out and he has to drive probably 30 minutes to work from where he lives. and another weird thing about it is that he has to drive directly past my neighborhood to get to work and I'm wondering if he did this on purpose or it's just some really weird coincidence beings as he had a bunch of other places he could have worked at closer to his house. this is probably the farthest Dollar tree he can work at compared to the many that are directly next to his house and so I'm wondering what I should do to prevent him from coming to the house. I'm scared that he's going to come to the house and do something once I report him and I don't know if he got this job as a way to get to me or what. what is your guys's best advice on what to do? I do have cameras outside and I'm going to check them to see if he's driven past my house because he does know where I live

just been wondering, why do i feel like my boyfriend doesn't love me???? i mean, he used to be so into everything we did together, y'know? now, it's like, all he does is zone out or scroll through his phone whenever we hang. 🤔 i might be overthinking, but this sudden distance is really messing with my head. was it something i said or did?? or is he just into someone else????

sometimes i think back to when we first started dating. those were the days!!! we'd talk for hours!!! laugh at the dumbest things!!! and just vibe like crazy!!!!! but now it seems like there's this invisible wall between us, and it's thick as hell. 🤷‍♀️ he used to be so attentive, but these days, trying to get him to open up is like pulling teeth. do guys just naturally go through this weird phase, or is it more serious than that????

and what's with the mixed signals??? one minute he's showering me with affection, and the next he's a ghost. makes me wonder if he's really that into me, or if he's just playing games to keep things interesting. 😒 can't help but think that maybe i'm just not enough for him. am i just being paranoid or does anyone else feel the vibe shift as intense as i do???? can't be the only one, right??

anyway, i've tried talking to him about it, but it always ends the same way. he brushes it off like i'm just seeing things, or worse, he gets defensive. is it wrong to want some reassurance every now and then???? it's not like i'm asking for the world, just a little bit of effort, you know?? feels like i'm the only one trying to make this work, and that's just, ugh, frustrating. 😤 i'm really at a loss here, like, what should i even do next????

who knows, maybe i'm overanalyzing the whole thing. maybe this is just a phase or something. but if he's really not feeling it anymore, then what's the point???? just want things back to how they were before all this crap started!!!! things should be simple, like, why complicate them?? bottom line is, if it doesn't improve, we might just be over. and that's just brutal to think about. so, what do you reckon??? am i being dramatic???? or is it time to face the music and move on???? 😕

I feel like I’ve fallen into another gaslighting-type relationship. My husband was so kind, sweet, thoughtful, and romantic when we were dating. Whdn i was sick, he'd bring my get well kits and help around my home. We were both upfront about who we were at the time and who we thought we’d continue to be, and I’ve definitely upheld my end of that—but I feel like he hasn’t since we got married

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Due to circumstances outside of me being pregnant at the time, we got married pretty quickly, and I happily gave up my saftey, dreams, and career to follow his dreams and career. I love/adore my husband, do everything i can to make his life easy and comfortable, even keeping track of pretty much everything since he is forgetful.

Over this past year, I’ve been feeling more and more drained in our relationship. I’m carrying most of the weight at home while he does very little, aside from playing with our children. If I want him to do anything beyond just existing, I have to ask. This wasn’t what was presented to me when we started our relationship.

Honestly, if he were working his butt off every day and rarely home, I’d understand more. But most days he’s home all day on his phone, does a couple of work-related things at late night that he easily could have done earlier, the complains about being tired the next day. He’ll leave trash or dishes around, mess up things I already tidied, and sometimes get snippy with me when I bring up legitimate concerns—like updating our address through his employer so I can submit insurance claims and get our money back.

I’m feeling less and less loved and supported, and more and more like a “mommy bang maid” again like I was in my last long term relationship. The only difference is that my husband married me and doesn’t scream or break things like my ex did.

I’ve spoken to him, but all he says is that things will get better when he’s not as tired and he's further along in his career. Of and that the stay-at-home parent does EVERYTHING at home while the working parent relaxes when they get home. It’s frustrating because his parents had a similar dynamic when he was a kid, and they’re both very adamant that the work parent his more than capable of help and that he needs to be helpful—but he’s still a complete slob and do anything period unless I ask multiple times. On the flip side, when he asks me for something, I jump up immediately.

On top of that, I’ve noticed our sex feels very one-sided, focused on his needs. The last time we had sex, and I'm not kidding, it lasted maybe two minutes before he was happily fast asleep leaving me with a mess to clean up.

Our house is nearly spotless all the time, I make good home-cooked meals, and I never turn him down. I stay put together and hygienic, and despite all this im treated like Dobby. I keep asking myself: "Why am I not enough to be loved the way I love my partner? What’s wrong with me?"

What's wrong with me?

I have a very traditional family, especially my dad. He expects me to cook, clean, do his laundry, iron his clothes, and he controls everything. What I wear, what I do, how much makeup I put on, who I text—everything. It’s exhausting because I have to hide so much of my life. And I’m not even dressing inappropriately. I’m quite mature for my age and know what’s right and wrong.

He always blames my mom when something goes wrong. My whole family is like this. Once, when my mom was in the hospital, I had to take over everything. I came home from school exhausted and still had to clean, take care of my brother, and handle so much more. I was completely drained and went to my grandma’s house. She noticed and asked me what was wrong. When I explained, my grandpa said, “That’s a woman’s job, of course she should be doing it.”

Whenever we have visitors, my mom, my sister, and I have to clean everything, while the men just sit and eat.

I also notice clear differences in how my brother is treated compared to me. When I was his age, I was abused. When I was little, I barely ate, and it would take me hours. My parents would lash out at me and hit me—I was only five. When I was sick and threw up, they hit me. When I did something like swearing, I got hit again. They pulled my hair, threw me around, slapped me, and even hit me with a belt. I was constantly scared and cried a lot as a child, and I think it still affects me today.

And my brother? Nothing. Not once have they ever hurt him. I’m not saying they should—but why me and not him? I know they didn’t want a girl. At least my dad didn’t. But still, it’s not fair.

Recently, my brother has started hitting me and constantly annoying me, but no one cares. My parents do nothing about it. He swears at my mom and me and everyone around him, and they just laugh. If I had done that, I would have been punished badly.

Even now, when I talk back, they get angry. Once, my dad accused me of wearing makeup even though I wasn’t. He yelled at me, and when I talked back, it didn’t take him long to throw the first thing he could grab at me. Then he kept throwing things—while we were at a relative’s house.

I hate that I have to carry all this responsibility while they still treat me badly and don’t show me love. I hate that being a woman feels so much harder than being a man. Sometimes I wish I had been born a boy—everything would have been easier.

so, i guess i'm in a bit of a pickle here. i've been dating my boyfriend for quite some time now, but it feels like we're stuck on mute when we're together. whether we're out grabbing a bite or just chilling at home, there's this awkward silence lingering around us. i mean, i'm not asking for a dramatic rom-com montage, but a little conversation wouldn't hurt, right? it feels like i'm sitting across from a ghost sometimes. he’s always glued to his phone, and i'm just left wondering if there's something wrong with us or maybe just me.

i’ve been contemplating on ways to bridge that gap, to actually talk about things that matter or even the little nuisances of daily life. but here's the catch: every time i think about starting a conversation, my mind just draws a blank. like, what do people even talk about with their partners? are there specific topics that are considered safe and engaging, or do you just randomly shoot your shot and hope it lands? it's tricky because i don't want to come off as someone who's nagging or trying too hard, but at the same time, the silence is maddening. 🤔

does anyone else ever feel like they're just stuck in some never-ending loop of comfortable discomfort? i'm trying to be proactive here, considering subjects that might spark an exchange – maybe a hobby, plans for the weekend, work stuff, or even some playful banter. however, the doubt creeps in when i think about whether he’d even reciprocate or if it’d just be me talking to a wall. it’s a delicate situation. is it possible that we’ve just grown too comfortable with each other's silence, or is there a deeper issue at play?

i can't help but wonder if this is normal, you know? like, do all relationships go through this phase of stagnant silence, and do people just get through it by being patient and persistent? or is it a sign that this might not be sustainable in the long term? sometimes, i over-analyze the situation, thinking that maybe i'm overreacting, but then again, isn't communication fundamental? it almost feels like i'm walking on eggshells, just trying to figure out how to make things better without making things awkward.

so, i’ve laid it all out here. i’m seeking advice or insights on how to navigate this without causing unnecessary friction. how do you even start the conversation about not having a conversation? is there a way to break this cycle of silence without it becoming a dramatic ordeal? any tips or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated. i just need to figure out if it’s worth putting in the effort or if i should prepare myself for a different outcome. it's a bit of a conundrum, isn’t it?

I feel ive searching for so long but I can’t find stuff that related to what I’m doing. So I want to create a series, specifically one that each episode will be about 5-7mins long. So how that change stuff? What should I learn? Btw I mean a serialised one, I already have some plots and characters moments in my head. But I can’t find anythingggg. Someone please help.

Also some specific questions-

Is it a bad when stuff happen to a characters than characters making stuff happen? Like does it demnish the plot?

How does a comic series (issues) differ from a tv series (episodes)?

I'm someone who cares a lot about others and I'm kind and caring and love to have fun with others but I don't get why my best friend who is more quiet than me is more popular and has more friends. When we first met she was very shy and I was one of her first friends and we were in the same friend group. Then our friend group fell apart but I was still friends with her. In high school for some reason everyone wanted to be friends with her and every time I stood next to her and other girls came over they would be so excited to see her and give her hugs. I always felt kind of excluded as I watched them like hang out and talk and I would just be there and try to join the convo but I couldn't and people always went out during lunch and would leave me there and stuff. But I never did anything wrong? And she also tells me about how she doesn't like all these people but then I see her being friendly with them and laughing and talking, going to classes together so it's hard to believe what she says. I don't get how she has so many more friends. I don't think she's necessarily better than me in anyway like we're pretty equal in terms of grade, athletics, looks, height, etc. A lot of guys like her but she's isn't even grateful like if someone confessed to me I would be over the moon. She has no empathy for me when I like a guy who doesn't like me back. But she's like my only close friend who knows about personal stuff.

Something else is that since I don't have that many girl friends, I sometimes talk to guys online. But I guess that builds a bad reputation for me. But it's not even like we're actually friends it's more like I'm not afraid to ask guys what we did in class if I missed it and I know I can count on them to reply on time. I'm not one of those attention seeking people but also I don't get why guys don't even want to talk to me sometimes. Like I really can't figure it out because I always spend a lot of time on people and I try to show kindness and help them out but I guess they just don't like me.

When my friends like a guy, I step away from them even if I also secretly kind of liked them, but then when I like a guy and they get jealous because they like same guy they literally get mad at me and give me the silent treatment, but I can't help it?

Also when I get hated on for looking too mean (rbf) no one defends me not even my best friend.

When she was asked about a guy I used to like she doesn't even help me hide it she just says yeah even though she knew I didn't want anyone to know.

The one time I didn't tell her something about a competition I was going to, she got really mad at me and then later on even carelessly told other people about it.

I wanted to change schools for a new beginning but my parents didn't let me. I actually have no real friends I can rely on at this point.

I’m really stressed because of school, and I can’t control my situation in any way. I hate it right now, and what makes it worse is that I chose to continue… I thought I could handle it, but I don’t know why I’ve been feeling so damn down lately.

I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, and my head hurts worse than before. I also have inflamed lymph nodes all over my head because of the stress I’ve been dealing with. I don’t know how to stop it—it just keeps going and getting worse by the second.

I hate school, but I can’t drop out now. I’m only in the second year, and it’s not like I’m bad or anything—it’s just the stress. I want to study, but I can’t. I can’t focus. It’s so overwhelming. I’m not sure if I’m made for this because it makes me feel horrible.

I don’t even have the energy to stand up anymore. Every time I try to study, I end up hyperventilating and crying. It’s not like I’m stupid—I have okay grades—but still… everything terrifies me. If I fail once, I’m scared to take the next exam. It feels like a never-ending cycle.

And my class is strange. They always make sexual comments toward girls. For example, once a friend of mine left class early for an appointment, and the boys kept saying she must have “done something” with the teacher so she could leave. It makes all of us uncomfortable and scared to do something wrong—at least for me, because they’ve said things like that about me too. The same kind of stuff, like I was “under the teacher’s desk.”

I don’t know… I just hate everything right now. Everything feels like too much and stresses me out more than ever before. I feel like a complete failure all the time. I also feel really sick 24/7—I don’t know why, but everything hurts. I just feel so damn bad all the time.

Today I wrote on the board, what I needed my husband to do, and he proceeded to “go through the motions” and do what he thought needed to be done, and when I tried to point out that he is not listening to me, nothing. No expression nothing, no apology, NOTHING. To be honest I don’t want an apology, I just don’t know what to do. I’ve been leaving him more work to do for me and I’ve been doing what I consider the bare minimum, which is clean the laundry, wash all the dishes, put dishes away, mop, sweep, vacuum, and clean anything else that needs to be cleaned, and cook all the meals. ANYTHING more than this, I don’t even bother with them anymore, no more answering questions no more giving a shit about any of their mental lists. My husband and my kids. So I needed for him to turn the water heater on and to order the right gas tank since it was out. He instead went outside and turned the valve to the right tank and effectively turned off the gas to the house. So the lasagna didn’t cook. Since I’m on my period he asked me if he could make me a steak, but when he arrived I said no, because I was hungry and I wanted to eat quickly, but was persistent and insisted that he wanted to make it for me. when I realized that the gas was gone we both assumed that both tanks were empty and that he YET AGAIN forgot to order gas.I kept my cool, and said that since the lasagna wasn’t cooked, I needed to pick up food for everyone. The kids were hungry so they had the lasagna despite the noodle not being cooked. He was annoyed because I asked him to put in the order, and he did, and I stopped the oil he was heating up on the spare stove from over heating and creating gas, took it outside and started to fry his sweet potato fries. I said NO to the whole steak and the fries, and because his intentions were good i was trying to be calm but i was starving. When we realized he turned the valve instead of him doing what the board said, “TURN THE HEATER ON and order the right gas tank,” he asked me a stupid question, and said “STOP WITH YOUR BULLSHIT BOARD”. Guys, wtf?? The board is supposed to be so the communication is CLEAR AS FUCKING DAY, you can read it over and over and over again and NOT GET IT WRONG. No where did I say turn the valve. I’m leaving for surgery tomorrow, and I don’t want to look at him. I’m angry but I’ve been so angry at his inability to listen and UNDERSTAND that I don’t even know what I’m angry about anymore, everything is so messed up in my heart.My head is also so confused, I just don’t understand what the fuck is wrong with him, lately he will start speaking and start in the middle of his sentence or the end of his sentence and expect for me to follow, so now, if I don’t understand what he is talking about, I just go about my day. I can’t tell you the YEARS, literal years, I’ve said this phrase “ stop speaking in abbreviations, I don’t understand what your talking about, just say the whole word,” or “ complete sentences Temo” I can’t do it anymore. I’m not trying to divorce him, I’ve made way too many life choices that have me completely dependent on his income, and I really really really really did love him, I still do, like I make sure all his stuff is ready to do incase he wants to mountain bike, and I keep his important things a priority because I care about his happiness, truly. He is a very nice person, hence him trying to cook a steak so my period symptoms were more manageable. It’s this talking to each other thing. he can’t hear a word I’ve said. I HAVE NOW Started to word all questions as YES OR NO, so make it simple, but for the love of GOD, he will answer my question with a question every single time. I can’t stand him anymore. I really am so so so sad for my dumbass self. He would make a better roommate. he would suck ass as a friend he doesn’t fucking listen. This time it was painfully apparent that he jumped the gun and did whatever he thought was best, and instead of seeing his error, he’s annoyed with me. AWESOME. So guys, I’m at the point in this marriage, where he is kind enough to stay with, but the NO WORDS is hurting me, thats why I’here, so what can I do? With myself of course trying to talk with him is pointless. I want to talk to anyone but being in this world where now there are no such things as adult friends, I’m drowning in my own problems. If I was rich I’d buy a house for myself right next door to him, so the kids can see us both everyday. I just don’t want this type of crap happening anymore. How hard is it to answer a YES OR NO question? Or do EXACTLY what is written for you on the board??? I picked up the food and ate the over priced food, left the steak for tomorrow, and didn’t touch a fry. I guess me saying “no hun I’m hungry now” means NOTHING. I’m so angry I don’t know what to do. I want for him to understand but that is effort I don’t have, now I just have to learn to place my anger and frustration on the right spot, so I can continue living. I’ve even started doing everything I can myself so I don’t have to ask my incompetent husband for anything anymore. I’m in the sewing room just typing this… he doesn’t care and never has to come and try to talk anything out with me. ITS always been me bringing up the topics, but not anymore, he doesn’t care. Maybe the wound will fester and one day I’ll wake up and not give a shit about the repercussions of ending a marriage, or maybe one day I won’t care about not having a conversation where it ends in both of us feelings heard and understood. I’m hoping for the latter, cause I’ve been with him since we were both 15 years of age, and I’m barely 33, so I don’t want to start again, and find out all men are imbeciles who take for granted what took them SO MANY YEARS to re build.

it's been a whirlwind working in IT for five years, seeing how rapidly technology evolves and adapts. yet here i am, feeling like i'm caught in the echoes of laughter from my colleagues who've taken to using chatgpt and claude code to revolutionize their workflow. it's been two years since these AI developers entered their toolbox, making them exponentially faster and more efficient, or so they claim. i'm not blind to the advantages these innovative tools offer, theoretically enhancing our capacity to expedite code deployment, troubleshoot problems, and streamline project management tasks. still, even with a robust understanding of complex algorithms and network configurations, i find myself lagging, like a floppy disk in a world driven by SSDs. why does this create such a canyon, where teasing bridges the gap between seasoned colleagues and me, still fumbling with what they term my "old school" methods? do they not understand that integrating new technologies can be daunting and feels like stumbling through endless streams of data with little organic feedback?

perhaps it's a misinterpretation of their gestures, but every time they grin or whisper during our scrum meetings or as they flawlessly debug lines of code i am still scrutinizing, there's an unspoken tension of inadequacy. my technical acumen paints me as a dinosaur in their bustling, robotic zoo, feeling the pings of inadequacy often when another line of buggy code gets sarcastically commended for its "originality". but what if this constant critique is merely their playful nudge, an indirect way of propelling me into the AI-driven future? i sit in the crossfire of console log errors and laughter, conceiving a silent partnership with self-improvement. amidst this emotional turbulence, i want to ask: could this experience somehow shape my fundamental understanding of digital transformation or am i simply the digital outcast? is their jesting rooted in concern or amusement, and does it matter?

what i strive for is finding solace in the gradual process of catching up; after all, the shift toward AI-enhanced development is not merely about adopting new tools but embracing a new mindset, isn't it? the thought that there's always a silver lining keeps my spirits animated as i traverse the vast interfaces of technological waves crashing against the shore of what i know and understand. i'm bound to a belief that with patience and structured learning, efficiency isn't an unattainable horizon but rather a calculated journey. perhaps if I harness these new capabilities, what once sparked laughter will ignite respect or even inspire others who also navigate the currents of technological transition. is it so far-fetched to believe that with persistence, even the slowest runner finds their pace, or does humor, in its most deliberate form, remain their chosen method of encouragement? 🤔

i miss the old days...