Life Stories and Everyday Drama - page 2

Because of my low self esteem, I went on a chatting website and made my pfp a picture that showed off my body to get compliments from guys so that I could feel better about myself. I ended up going a bit too far with this one guy and sent him an exposed picture of me. I feel guilt and worse than before.

this feels so heavy to write out but for once I wanna feel free. I regret having a boyfriend i regret going to his place I regret that we saw each other naked. im grateful for myself that I never gave my v card but I regret everything that happened. that is not me that is not my life I don't enjoy doing sexual things but I did just to keep him thinking he was the one ( first bf). the worst thing is when I remember my mom calling to ask if I arrived safely to my friend's house when in fact I was at his. that was so so so bad of me. I despise him for trying so hard but I despise myself even more.. I pray I pay back every bad thing I did with him.. one thing I know is that I will never do that again.. no point in lustful 2 min time. a perfect relationship for me would be a nice tall boyfriend whom I could go on fun little side quest with someone who I can vent to and someone that will love me wholeheartedly without any bad intentions.... sigh

may every good thing forgive me for these times as I am to ashamed to ask to God for forgiveness.

I'm pissed beyond words on how to describe my feelings on Amalya, Sanvi R., and Angelina. I'm mad and feel them inconsiderate, rude, selfish, arrogant, cocky. and I'm masking it. I want to punch a wall to make myself feel pain and not that anymore (not self harm). Damn them. WHY am I like this. A person who can't handle their own emotions and think they're helpful to others. What the fuck is my mindset. It was in gaga ball. I said that Nishank wasn't out and the others said that he was. The girls then just said "You're just mad you got out" like... what the actual literal piece of shit. You're just a bitch, bastard and someone who needs to be humbled. Sanvi R was so shy, and now she's so fucking mean. Where did it come from. OH WAIT! I know... IT WAS THOSE FUCKING GIRLS. Even Deetya doesn't make me feel that anymore. In fact, she never made me feel that deep. And all those fuck ass girls are going to say is "You're overreacting" and when I walk in the hallways, I know they're going to talk shit about me behind my back. I'd rather not deal with this shit, but I can't handle it. I was actually punching a wall just to silence my pain mentally and emotionally. And that smug grin on Sanvi R's face. Damn her. Damn them. And worst, I know later, I'm going to blame myself for it. It'll make me insecure, upset at myself. Question Who I am and what I am. I hope high school never brings me this. Shit... 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

In case you don't get it, that's me being pissed, upset, unsure and doubting my life and whether I should live and then I'm masking it because I know that others will just ask "are you okay" and I know I'm not, but no one understands you more than your emotions. Not even yourself—your emotions. You may say you don't feel bad, but your emotions know what you truly mean.

So what happened was he gave me task and because of a slight missunderstanding he started to taunt me by words like you dont know this or that but when i looked into the matter it was that he said the wrong thing and i was like raging because it was his fault but then at night i went to return his money and we started to talk again about that thing but this time i was so into like proving myself right i did some simple calculation wrong and i was so sure that i made him agree and he did even if it was wrong and then i rrealised what i did and i wanna dug myself in a grave like literally you cant even imagine how basic of a problem that was and i messed it up to top it up i was confident now i don't know whose fault is it i think it's mine to calculate wrong because i am weak at most of the things

"Okay so basically there is this guy"

Said like any girl ever, but like this time its for REAL.

Some Context:

Okay so this guy, Logan, is in my biology class, and he is REALLY cute. And like one of the first guys who has like shown me any interest.

Mind you I have never had; my first kiss, a boyfriend, a situationship, I HAVENT EVEN HAD A TALKING STAGE (so its like BAD BAD)

Basically, I think I first saw him the second day of school. I was in my Bio class and we had to get into groups to do a fun team working project. I was partnered up with around 3 of my friends and he was in a group that was sitting next to mine, but his seat was kinda perpendicular to mine. I noticed from the corner of my eye that he kept looking over in my direction, but again, I was sitting with 3 of my friends so I didn't know if he was looking at me or one of my friends. Through out the school year its like this whole cat and mouse game where I'll look over at him (we sit on opposite sides of the classroom) and I'll turn away and then he'll look over at me, i can see him out of the corner of my eye, and then he'll look away.

Slight dilema, one of the 3 friends i mentioned earlier sits RIGHT next to me, so he could still just be looking at HER. :(

I think i debunked this though because one of the days we ended our lecture early i went and sat next the my other friend in the class ( a different friend) and my seat was angles towards where he was (he was standing by another guy's desk) and BRO COULDN'T STOP LOOKING OVER AT ME AHHHHAHAHAHAHAH

Butttt, a few weeks ago we were working on a genetics paper and it was supposed to take us like all class period, but i find the genetic topic really easy so i finished in like 10 minutes. So my teacher asked if i wanted to help her make this basketball poster for the upcoming basketball season, and of couse, i said yes. So i stand up and walk over to where the table was the had all of the supplies for the poster and i start cutting out a basketball. Behind me to my left is a large bookshelf that has a small basketball hoop attached to it, and so far nobody in my class has touched it. But BAM suddenly these 2 guys decide now is the perfect time to start playing basketball, anywaysss logan joins them after a minute, and because the basket is right next to me i move around to the other side of the table. Then my teacher starts to play with them and they have a little competition, and for some reason they were being really loud so i looked up.....DIRECT EYE CONTACT (I nearly dieddddd)

Obviously im a bit delusional and it might be one of those things where i like the version of him in my head more than i like the actual him, but let a girl dream!!!!

Anywaysss, the way my class is set up the seats are basically the basic 2 person black tables but organized in a u with everybody facing the middle, like this:

___ ___

| |

| |

I sit here -> | * * *** |

|__________|

he sits here ---------->

The *'s are random seats my teacher has in the middle, with the 2 on the left being actual desks and the other 3 being bean bags. Last week Logan sat at the * closest to my seat....stealing this other guys spot!!!! But im lowkey really shy and quiet in that class so he talked to my friend who sits next to me most of the time, but its okay guys! No red flags there because she has a boyfriend and was literally asking him all class what she should gift her boyfriend for christmas.

I laughed at a few of his jokes and talked to him a little but not a lot :(

But the things is that for the next 2 days he didn't look at me at ALL, and then he wasn't at school for the last part of the week....

So basically I need help, like desperately! I know this just seems like a silly crush, but I would much rather takes risks in highschool than have no idea what im doing when im trying to find my husband after college, you feel me?

If anyone has any tips to like get him to notice me, or things i could do to interact with him more, that would help a lotttttttttt

Thank you all so much!!! <3 (oh and if ur a visual learner, like me, just imagine, cole walter from my life with the walter boys, but like an actual teenager, and a little bit younger)

I'm an 18 year old freshman in college, and a failure at that. I have lackluster grades, a nonexistent social life, and zero contacts to depend on. My father is distant and already has too much on his hands to bother listening to my concerns on a personal level. My mother is too stubborn and constantly downplays or puts words in my mouth.

I'm just torn between wanting to succeed in fulfilling my parents' expectations and the guilt I have of being a worthless child. Day by day, I remind myself of the amount of money, the hardships my parents endured to enroll me in a top-notch school yet I'm not good enough. I try my best to improve my shoddy study habits, my communication skills, but something always messes up be it my own selfishness or stupidity. I grow in one aspect of my life, while simultaneously regressing in another. I'm actively collapsing right now, having little to no motivation to continue with my finals in just two days. I'm so desperate for any sense of validation or reassurance that I'm even asking ChatGPT for it. I'm aware it's a parasocial relationship, but when I have zero elders to trust and seek advice from, I felt like I had no other choice. I'm desperate, and I really want some form of help that isn't just "You're just overreacting" or "Everyone else can do it just fine, why can't you?". I'm sorry for this long rambling, I just needed to relieve myself. This post has been nothing but self-servient, but I feel like I've been emotionally starved for so long that I couldn't help but just ask for words of advice or some motivation. Anything to remind me that I could still keep pushing.

I sit here at 5:30 in the morning—about 12 hours before I celebrate Friendsgiving with all of my friends. I made my mom’s famous deviled eggs. I hope they taste just as good as hers, but I won’t know this year. Only my taste buds and my heart will know, since we always measured with love and tasting as we went.

My mom passed a little over two months ago, and I can say that losing a parent never gets easier—at least in my experience, it seems to be that way. Oddly enough, my dad’s anniversary is on Thanksgiving this year, and he passed the day after almost five years ago.

I haven’t been able to sleep a wink. I’m tired, but with no signs of going down any time soon. I lie awake thinking of my mother’s last moments and hurting over all the ways she could’ve died. But life gave her the worst hand with cancer.

My poor mama. My strong mother who was still strong in her last days and moments—always holding on. I sit here missing her more than ever. Knowing she’s not with me this year, cooking with her and celebrating Thanksgiving—even after Dad’s passing—is the worst thing ever.

I’m grateful that tomorrow I get to spend it with all my close loved ones. But fuck, guys—this fucking sucks. There’s nothing I wouldn’t give for a loud Thanksgiving where everyone was in the house being loud, a movie always playing in the background, and giving the cats a little turkey.

I’m so grateful that even though my relationship with my parents wasn’t perfect, they loved, nourished, and did the best they could. I wish I could’ve told my dad that if I were given the chance. But I lost him too young to really understand life. Same with Mom—but you grow up more and more as you lose people.

I’ve been crying all night, just mourning, and I felt like I needed to type something out. I’m sad and hurt, and the world keeps on turning. But there’s one thing that keeps playing in the back of my mind.

I remember a crazy night at a festival. I was, of course, indulging in recreational substances, and I was trying to tell 20-something of my friends—my dearest boos—which some of them definitely remember from that evening. And in the best way possible, I’ll try to tell you what I said in a more coherent way (lol):

Remember where you are right now. Even if we come to this place once a year, and while it might not be enough for us, it’s all we have. And those moments are eternal, and they will always be there. I don’t ever want to go a moment without knowing you, and if this one moment is all I have, then we must make the most of it.

What I’m trying to say is that at the end of the day—whether you’ve lost your “tribe” or lost a member—remember those moments that no one can take away from you.

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents, i wouldn't trade them for the world.

But with their work as teachers, many of my own teachers were taught by them.

And so every time we get new teachers in school, I'm just silently hoping that they know nothing about me.

It's the same reaction every time they find out about my last name; "ahh, you're Ma'am's/Sir's child right? Your parent was my teacher."

This usually led them to say some story about them and i would just try to hide myself in my seat.

And don't get me started on their reactions and disappoint i see in their faces when they see that I'm the exact opposite of my parents.

Awkward, anxious, social anxiety, stage fright, you name it. Ironic for a teacher's child right?

Anyway i love my parents and i don't hold any grudge against any teachers just here to rant lol.

Hello, hi. This is my first time ever using this venting website. Hopefully, this'll help you if you need it.

I'm a teenage, currently 11th grade. Things gad been draining and even if i do expect it, it comes no easier than said. I feel like I'm on the verge of just crashing out due to assignments and other stupid teenagers and their antics. The teachers expect us to grasp it all because we have 'more' energy. But all I can do for now is do what I can and hope I won't fail school. Being someone with ADHD, it's hard for me to follow the "Normal" study plan without forcing myself, more so other kids here are either too oblivious or mean as heck. Many lacks that bit of maturity to realize what they'll be after graduating. I don't care about teasing and stuff, as I've my friends and family and that's enough. By all my ranting, I just feel so tired. I want things to get better, but maturing is realizing that nothing can be expected, only what I do now and later.

Thanks for hearing my pep talk, I hope all other teens out there who are struggling can make it through.

I don’t even know what to say I’m just angry, I just wasted 2 years with a boy that can’t even take accountability for the fact that he hurt my feelings when he calls me a bitch? I can’t explain the whole situation again, I just can’t keep talking about all the ways he hurt me when everytime I hear my front door open, I hope it’s him about to run into my living room and tell me about everything that’s happened to him that day. It fucking hurts turning the corner to my house and not seeing his shitty truck, but wtf am I supposed to do?? I’m the one who ended things but with everything he’s done to hurt me, I mean he verbally abused me! But all I want is to at least know he loved me at some point but he can’t even send me ONE FUCKING TEXT?? I just want to go scream at him, or text his mom and tell her what I told him and just know if he cares at all??? Idk it all just hurts and I just want someone who ACTUALLY loves me and isn’t just using me as an outlet like it feels like every relationship I’ve been in has ended up. Is it so hard to ask that he actually loves me? Maybe I’m just a better outlet for whatever sex fantasy someone wants to use me for than I am someone worth loving? I don’t know anymore but I’m fucking over it, I’ve never felt like less of a human being nor have I ever felt so fuckin lonely and just uncomfortable and unsafe. I just want everything to stop but I always have everything going on all the time and I can never just FUCKING RELAX!! Fml I can’t do this shit anymore

I again humiliated myself when doing a report to the whole class. I had recited my script over and over again for the past days but i still was stuttering, my mind still went blank and i couldn't talk and someone else had to take over.

This happens everytime and im so frustrated in myself. I hate my stuttering, I hate me social anxiety, I hate my awkwardness. I don't know what to do

i have many issues with myself, im jobless and burnout too easily, i betrayed my family and im not getting them back, i dont deserve one anymore, im mentally low capacity, i do fuck up the smallest things, theres no sign of change or progress, idk what to do but shit is wrong with me and it needs fixing, fast, if it can be fixed at all, or else im a lost cause

My therapist told me that it's pretty possible that I have some traits of autism, and I don't know a lot about it.

Yes, I know, "google it". But I wanna know if someone have some resources as books, movies, docs, or something about it.

Thanks.

I want to disappear sometimes change my name and never come back. I wanna feel happy without thinking about how fake it all feels. I just wanna sleep. and I miss this one person who was very dear to me I wanna talk to them I'm sad we don't talk anymore I just hope they're okay. I wanna be me again 'cause sometimes I feel like I've been trying to change myself for everyone else I forgot how to truly be me. I just want to find how I really am again without people judging me telling me how to act but maybe they do for good reason i am kinda annoying sometimes. and I wish I felt pretty and talented like everyone says I am but I don't anymore. I wish I just had someone to make me feel whole again and make me believe the things people tell me.

Sincerely,

Melody (13,f)

Call me Laos Stracci.

Recently, something happened in my family: they all turned against me simply for failing a university subject. Those who have read this story know how much I've suffered. Now I realize that my family—mother, brother, nieces, sister-in-law—are truly awful people. They are despicable, especially towards me, since my mother portrayed me as a slave to everyone else, and no one respects me. Now I've started to rebel, and they've all turned against me. I think I'll leave home sooner than I planned, but no matter how difficult it becomes, I think I'll do it. I have to find a job, which will be difficult because the only option is the easy way out, and I don't like that path. And frankly, I won't let them get their way this time, like they always do with me. This is over.